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another shuddering breath comes from behind the white door and everyone holds their breath when they hear the quiet sob that follows. hoseok feels his chest constrict and he swears if he hears seokjin sob one more time, he might just die of heartbreak.
"what did you guys do?" namjoon asks in a daze, eyes still watching the door as if he could see seokjin crying on the other side of it.
hoseok thinks back to a few hours earlier when he'd arrived home from practice. everything had been relatively normal, he supposes, with taehyung performing a one man drama, jeongguk reading a webtoon on his phone, and seokjin staring at the refrigerator.
"if i didn't know any better," hoseok had said to seokjin when he walked in. "i'd mistake the fridge for a mirror."
seokjin laughed, unamused. "i'm trying to figure out what i want to eat. should i make pasta or steak?"
"pasta!" jeongguk had called out from the living room, shooting up his hand as he did. "pasta, hyung!"
seokjin rolled his eyes but he reached for the ingredients to make the pasta. hoseok went to grab his charger from his room and when he got back, seokjin was locked in his own room crying. what did they do?
"we didn't do anything," jeongguk says. his voice is leveled and he sounds like the picture of calm and control but one look at his face and he's anything but. his wide eyes have doubled in size and he's chewing on his lip, not daring to tear his eyes away from the door. "what did you do, hyung?"
"me?" namjoon looks at the maknae. "why?"
"you're always saying rude things to him. i know you don't always mean to but sometimes it hurts his feelings."
"name one time i did that."
"you called him useless," jimin cuts in. "it was a while ago during an interview. you were joking, yeah, but you said he wasn't good at anything."
namjoon falls silent then even when he's being defended by the others ("hey, why are you picking on the leader?") and mentally retraces his steps. did he say anything that would make seokjin cry?
it was hard to make seokjin cry to be quite honest. the thing about the eldest hyung was that he was more laidback than he let on and often forgot about things that made him upset shortly after. it was something namjoon, who would always get caught up in the perils of the past, thought of as a great strength.
what could anyone have possibly done or said to make seokjin cry for this long?
earlier that week, he'd been filming one of his eating videos when yoongi had passed by him but not without calling him a pig. namjoon furrows his eyebrows and turns to yoongi.
"maybe he doesn't think it's funny when you call him a pig," the leader suggest sheepishly.
yoongi, who had been rather vehemently defending namjoon's honor, turns to him like the other had revealed that he sometimes snorts fairy dust supplied by peter pan. "are you fucking serious?"
"i'm just saying," namjoon fumbles with his words, one of the few times that's ever happened to him as the one in charge. "you're not always sensitive. we're all in the public eye, do you think just because he's the visual he doesn't worry about how he looks?"
"that's real nice," yoongi grunts. "what about the way you're always ignoring what he has to say? just because you're the leader, it doesn't mean you're the eldest and i think you forget that sometimes."
"hyung is fine," jeongguk nods to himself. "he's probably just tired."
taehyung stares at the younger with a crease in his forehead, the same one he's had since seokjin started crying but remains silent.
"we're all tired," hoseok notes. "but he sounds like the one having a breakdown."
"should we go in there?" jimin asks, looking like he'll cry any minute if he can't figure out what's wrong.
yoongi shakes his head, still glaring at namjoon. "door's locked, i don't think he wants to be bothered."
namjoon groans. "i told you guys to stop messing around so much. you probably upset him because you never listen."
"okay, mr. perfect," yoongi berates with a scoff. "let's pretend that you show him the least bit of respect that he deserves--"
"i can't believe you're blaming us," jeongguk spits. "what makes you so high and mighty?"
"golden maknae can do no wrong," hoseok mutters.
"excuse me?"
the bickering ensues in hushed tones because even though they are all collectively angry, they're also collectively concerned and refuse to do anything to upset seokjin further.
"it was jeongguk," taehyung speaks up for the first time and shutting them all up.
the maknae reddens. "thanks, hyung."
"i'm serious," he worries his bottom lip. "he was fine but then you said something and he locked himself in there."
taehyung remembers it well because he, despite how often people attribute him as being spacey and clueless, is quite perceptive and tuned to everyone's emotions. he was recreating the last episode of 'it's okay, that's love' when hoseok went into his bedroom and seokjin started up his pasta dish.
he remembers jeongguk clicking his tongue at his phone and muttering something about a plot hole before getting up from the couch. he hadn't assumed anything because jeongguk, as they all joked, was seokjin's sous chef and always helped him with dinner for the past four years.
seokjin had asked for jeongguk to start dicing the tomatoes and jeongguk complied. it was all very uneventful. but then...
"hyung, what food tastes best with wine?"
seokjin turned his head to look at jeongguk so fast that taehyung wondered whether whiplash would be something they'd have to check him for later. "why?"
jeongguk had shrugged. "i'll be an adult soon, i should know things like that."
everyone's faces change as taehyung finishes up his recollection. they all turn to look at jeongguk, analyzing his doe eyes, before turning back to taehyung.
"i don't get it," yoongi says.
taehyung points to jeongguk. "when he joined us, he was a kid. and hyung practically helped raise him this whole time. now, kookie's gonna be an adult and...maybe hyung is sad about it."
"why would he be sad?"
"he thinks you won't need him anymore," taehyung says it softly, gently like it would soften the blow.
jeongguk does feel a little stupid, a little insensitive. because he has been going on and on about being an adult this whole time and, if what taehyung says is true, it's been doing nothing but upsetting seokjin.
on the other hand he desperately wants to believe that taehyung is wrong and seokjin is really upset because he's craving a chocolate croissant but can't have one due to diet restrictions.
he doesn't bother knocking, just slips namjoon's credit card out of his pocket and lets himself into seokjin's room. he finds the older in the fetal position on his bed, holding onto one of the many plushes he's been gifted, and shaking.
his crying has quelled significantly.
"hyung?"
seokjin sits up quickly, wiping his eyes and nose and sniffling to try to erase the evidence of heartbreak somehow. "kookie. what's wrong?"
"don't you think i should be asking you?"
"i'm fine," he sniffles again. "you okay?"
jeongguk looks down at his hands, clasping and unclasping them. "i'm sorry."
"what? why?"
the younger shuffles up to the bed warily. "i...i'm so excited about becoming an adult but i didn't think about how it felt for you. it's weird because sometimes i forget that half of things i do are things i learned from you."
seokjin only blinks and jeongguk smiles a little, laughing quietly as he sits down next to him. "when i go home, i try cooking and all i know is to cut up onions. that's because you put onions in everything. and, hyung, you are my family. and it really doesn't matter whether i'm the thirteen year old kid you met or the sixty year old i'll be, i will always need you."
jeongguk looks up the older for the first time, their eyes connected. he can see the tears and the redness and he feels a sting of guilt. seokjin reaches over and ruffles his hair affectionately, something that only he is allowed to do whenever he pleases.
"and," jeongguk continues. "just so you know, technically it's not official. everywhere else in the world, i'll still be a teenager for the next two years."
seokjin laughs heartily and pulls him into a tight hug. "thank you."
(much later when they're touring in the states and jeongguk reaches over to pour himself a glass of wine, seokjin takes it away and hands him a juicebox instead, never even tearing his eyes away from his meal.
"you're not an adult here yet," he mutters. "drink your juice.")