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“Top o’ the morning to you lot,” Sherlock says chip chip cheerio-ily as he strolls into the Moriarty Manor. “And there’s Liam! As good a Chews-day to be here as any other, so it seems.”
“Why, how chuffed I am to see you!” William indeed looks very chuffed to see him. “You look quite knackered this fine British morning. Too late for brekkie…I do think you need a nice cuppa. Or would you rather some wa’er? Today’s been a veritable scorcher.”
As it is, Sherlock has spent a good portion of the early day faffing about and taking the piss out of several hoity-toity individuals (very tiring indeed) and had decided to round things off by coming over to chat William up, but he really is quite knackered. Louis is here too (unfortunate) so he might as well just sit and breathe a bit.
“A cuppa sounds bloody brilliant. The Yard’s pissing themselves trying to handle this case so they’ll definitely contact me soon, but otherwise, I’ve had to fiddle-faddle a bit to waste the time. You wouldn’t believe this bloke I ran into today. Drove me up the bloody wall with his chatter. What a muggy little cunt.” He scoffs as William shrugs emphatically. “Nobles. Pains in the fuckin’ arse.”
“How unpleasant,” William says as pleasantly as ever as his dear little silly nonce of a brother with the shifty eyes serves them both tea and mutters about crass language. “Innit quite awful to deal with such pretentious folk? Makes me shiver.”
“Verily so, it’s absolute bollocks,” Sherlock sneers as he leans back into the sofa. “Cheese munchers, the whole lot of ‘em. Me nan would hate to see the amount of twats goin’ about and about these days.”
“One might feel suspect,” Louis says tersely, “at the way you disparage nobles. In front of other nobles, at that. Unless you really are an absolute idiot. Just a bunch of codswallop out of your mouth.”
What a fine young lad who will certainly have very good prospects given his polite, respectful manner of speech.
“Now now now, Louis,” William cuts in patiently. “No need to bully dear Sherly here. He knows we hold no lost love for the twiffle-taffle of upper society. Sherlock is also similar in this regard. Bad blood and all. Of course, it’s also that most nobles bore him to gubbins.”
“Smashingly right,” Sherlock says with a booming laugh. “Just a bunch of gobshites all around. Except for you, William! You are quite a splendid fellow. Very splendid indeed.”
“Blimey, how kind of you to say,” William says genially, leaning his cheek into a hand. “Quite cheeky today, aren’t we?”
“I haven’t the foggiest what you’re on about,” Sherlock bounces about merrily. “Care to share, mate?”
Just then, the great, grand Albert enters the room.
“Oh, hullo,” Albert greets them merrily and plonks a load of bumf onto the drawer next to a bunch of assorted baubles and other antywackies. “Well, I’ll be, if it isn’t Sherlock. Gorblimey. Don’t tell me there’s been an incident.”
“Hallo guv!” Sherlock waves at the elder brother, much more partial to him rather than Louis’s nasty behavior. What a wanker. “I’d say the streets are quiet today. Not doing too shabby yourself, aren’t you?”
“Indeed not,” Albert eyes them all at the table thoughtfully. “Looking quite spiffy...irregularly so. Awfully nice of you to visit William today.”
“What, as if he’d ever just visit for us two? If brother had left the moment he came, he’d have buggered off the same instant.” Louis grumps sullenly into his cup.
“Aww, I’m sure Sherlock appreciates all of our company.” William blinks genially. “Or does the good sir have any special interest in little ol’ me?”
“Very special.”
“On that ‘Brother William’s the Lord of Crime’ shite again, in’t he?” Louis frowns deeply. Albert’s smile falters. William doesn’t react, continuing to grin placidly. Sherlock laughs.
“Don’t twist yer knickers. That’s a load of codswallop that need not be mentioned today!” Sherlock booms. “Nay, I just like chatting up Liam here. We’re good friends! Thick as pig shite.”
William’s face doesn’t so much as twitch. “Ooh, careful now, might think you fancy me.”
“Ohoho! But I do, my good mate Liam. You’re proper lovely, after all. Like, exactly my cup of tea.” Louis gasps scandalously, massively affected by the not-surprising reveal. Albert coughs politely and daintily.
“Well, I’m proper into you too.”
Yay! Sherlock snaps his fingers happily. “How ‘bout it! Let’s go for supper as a proper first outing.”
William nods in agreement, the both of them standing up to leave for a quaint, romantic, scrummy meal.
“How very respectable of the notorious detective. Deserving of a good snog.” Half-true to word, William leans in and pecks him on the cheek. Still, quite sweet.
“William’s going to hang about with that pillock and they’ll tie the knot and be soppy bawbags all day,” Louis bemoans as Albert comfortingly pats his shoulder.
“Fret not, dear Louis,” William tousles Louis’s hair gently as Sherlock waits by the door. “Sherlock might yet arrest me for my heinous list of crimes, and that’d be quite the relationship killer. Ta for now.”
And then they both trod off hand in hand into the fine sunset, gormless but absolutely and completely romantic in their waffling about together until William gets it into his head to jump off a burning bridge (and Sherly’s right along with him).