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Chapter Text

While the Links all use their swords to slay monsters, Faron’s fighting techniques are…quite different, Four soon learns.

The Chain had made their way to the Water Dragon’s hall after word got around that the Shadow had sent infected bokoblins in after her. Black-blooded ones, like usual. And Sky feared the worst: they would injure her and she would have to heal in the basin. Again. 

“Guess who would have to bring her water regularly?” Sky had asked. “Me.”

The sounds of boko cries and swords clinking drift through Four’s ears as he finishes off the one in front of him. One that has been a little too adamant on giving him a bear hug. The fallen monster dissolves in a puff of black magic, leaving a singular claw behind. Four quickly turns around, glancing at the other Links who are each fending off their own bokoblins rather easily. At the start, there were around thirty. Now about a quarter of them remain.

He glances at Faron, who reaches forward to pick up a small red boko with what appears to be silver plated armor. She chuckles as she curls her webbed fingers around him in a death grip, lifting her hand up to her face. 

Wait. She is gonna eat him!

“Faron, don’t-“ Four exclaims, running closer to the large dragon. “I can take care of him, you don’t have to!”

But she simply smirks at him. “No, little Link. I know what I’m doing, watch me. I shall put these monsters in their place. Teach them a lesson, eh? Never mess with Faron, warden of the woods!” The boko squeals from inside her hand as she draws him to her mouth, licking her lips.

“Faron! Please! At least take the armor off first.”

“Ha! Foolish little one. You’d be wrong to assume I have the time for that.” 

And with one swift motion, she plops the boko into her mouth.

“Mmm,” she sighs, seemingly trying to avoid chewing on the hard armor. “Scrumptious!”

The other bokos all freeze in place. They just stare up at one of their own kind being eaten by a giant dragon.

Of course, the rest of the Chain takes advantage of this, getting the time needed to quickly finish them off. Soon the hall becomes quiet, with no monsters in sight, and only the sound of Faron happily chewing on her new dinner. An entire boko. Four shivers in disgust.

Sky glances around with wide eyes. “Was that just me, or did she eat that entire thing whole?”

Four nods. “Oh, she did.”

The others exchange puzzled looks, muttering to themselves. Faron may act invincible, but even dragon deities cannot digest metal armor. Oh god. At some point it’s gonna have to come out. Ew!!

Faron clears her throat. “All done now. Thank you brave heroes, for coming to assist me. Shall I escort you out?”

She seems to be swallowing weirdly, Four notices. Having a hard time getting that down, huh. But he knows Faron; she would never admit that.

“Oh, there’s no need.” Sky replies, stepping forward. “I can lead them through the back door, we set up camp by the lake.” He pauses to glance Faron up and down. “Are you okay? Did any of them hurt you?”

“Not at all!” Faron grins. “You shouldn’t make a fuss about me now, go rest up.”

Well, she may not be injured…but I don’t think she’s fine.

Four silently follows the others out of the hall. 

————————————————

As the other heroes rest on their bedrolls for the night, Four is still restless. He glances back at the large hall close by, wondering if Faron is alright…

Then he hears it. A faint moaning noise, right in the direction of her hall.

“Did anyone else hear that?!” Sky pipes up. The noise continues. “I think it’s coming from—“

“It’s Faron,” says Four. “Of course it’s fucking Faron. Ugh! See, this is why that was a bad idea! Good grief.”

“Language, Four.” Time scolds. But the smithy ignores him. He’s almost a grown adult now; he can use adult language if he wants to.

Twilight glances around camp, frowning. “Should anyone go check on her? That doesn’t sound very good…”

“I will.” Four has already stood, ready to confront her and ask why the fuck did you do that, you little-

“Wait, I’ll come too.” Sky quickly walks up to the smithy. “Mostly to scold the shit out of her, though.” 

The two Links make their way to the hall’s back door. Faron’s groaning is intermittent, but it becomes concerningly loud as they draw near. Four just hopes none of that boko’s armor had spikes on it, or any pointy pieces for that matter. Oh god, oh Hylia. Why is one of her three guardian dragons a fucking idiot?!

As the Skyloftian throws open the door, they step inside only to be met with a strange jellyfish-looking creature floating in the water. Ah, yes. Jellyf, the leader of the Parella Tribe.

“Are you here to see Her Excellence?”

“Yes.” Four nods quickly. Faron is hacking up coughs close by, her back to them.

“I’m sorry, human, but Her Excellence is not accepting visitors at this time. She is currently in quite a lot of pain.”

“Well, of course!” Four shouts, startling the poor creature. “That’s what happens when you FUCKING SWALLOW METAL ARMOR!”

“ Four.” Sky’s voice is firm. “That’s enough.”

Oops. Maybe he’s learned a bit too much from Legend after all.

Ignoring Jellyf, he and Sky jump into the water and swim to the center platform. Lying on the floor in front of Faron are a few pieces of the boko: armor parts, claws, and what seems to be a couple small earrings. 

“Hey! I told you not to—“ Jellyf shouts, but the small Parella’s voice is drowned out by Faron’s heaving. Yikes. It sounds quite painful…The heroes stand in front of the Water Dragon, and it seems like Jellyf has given in as he heads back toward the door. 

Faron has one hand over her large belly, and she manages to glare down at them while she winces and moans. Four simply glares.

“I TOLD YOU not to do that!” he exclaims. “We can hear you all the way from camp!”

She opens her mouth in an attempt to reply, but resorts to holding up four fingers instead, then points to the door behind her. An equivalent to her usual “ Go away.”

“Step back, Four.” Sky warns. The smithy reluctantly obeys, and soon realizes why. In a few excruciating heaves, a large piece of armor finally emerges from her mouth, dropping onto the floor with a clang. Faron gasps, coughing so loudly Four has to cover his small ears.

“Was that the last one?” he asks Sky, still raising his voice.

“I think so. At least I hope so.”

It takes the dragon a minute to collect herself enough to speak. “Ugh—“ she spats, in between coughs. “I told you to- * cough* - go away!”

“Not yet!” Sky protests. “We told you eating that boko was stupid. Four could have easily taken care of it! Why did you do that?!”

Faron attempts to clear her throat, folding her arms across her chest. “Because- it’s fun.” 

“You think that’s fun?!?” Four can’t help but laugh as Sky continues. He really did say he would scold the shit out of her… “What part of what you just did was FUN?!”

“It was- *coughcough* - to teach ‘em a lesson. And- *cough* - he tasted good.”

“Yuck.” Four scrunches his face in disgust. “That’s gross! He could not have tasted good!”

A few more coughs later and she’s sounding a bit better, to the smithy’s relief. She sighs and glances down at the assorted remains.

“Oh, but he did,” she replies. “…Almost made this all worth it.”

Sky doesn’t seem to be satisfied. “Well, maybe you can eat one without the armor next time!”

“Hmm… *cough* - I can’t guarantee that, Link. I eat anything I want.”

Even inedible things, huh.

Still glancing up at her, Four can’t help but giggle. Faron really is quite a peculiar dragon.

Chapter Text

Lanayru is fuming. The old dragon might as well be releasing steam from his horns. And Faron knows she’s on thin ice. When he gets like this…it has never ended well.

She should have never insulted his little robot friends. No matter how weird she thinks they are.

“I AM SO FUCKING MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW FARON!! YOU STUCK UP LITTLE BITCH!!!!” His booming, thunderous voice makes Faron wince, and she gasps.

“HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A BITCH????? YOU…UGLY ASS FUCKER!! MAYBE YOU SHOULD’VE JUST STAYED DEAD!!”

Too far, Faron. That was too far.

“OK THAT’S IT. LAST STRAW!” yells Lanayru. He takes a deep breath and holds out his hand. Sparks begin to gather at his fingertips. No!

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it!!” Faron pleads. “Lanayru, don’t. Please, don’t do it!” The sparks glow brighter as he readies his magic. “LANAYRU!”

But the damage from her words had already been done. The mighty Thunder Dragon thrusts the lightning from his hand, cackling loudly as electric bolts zigzag across her hall. Faron yelps and bolts out of the water, but the lightning is too fast and nips the end of her tail. It seems he had not aimed his power to hit Faron directly, but rather everything else living in the area. She moans in pain from the hit, watching as the impact of lightning on water zaps every fish and one unlucky Parella, killing them instantly.

“NOOOOOO MY FISH??!!” she manages to shout. “YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!!!! I WILL FUCKING GET YOU!!!!”

In his anger, Lanayru shoots himself up and exits the hall through the top opening, leaving two yellow streaks of light behind as he flies away. And Faron is forced to deal with the pain in her tail and examine the life forms in her hall…or what is left of them. 

——————

“I, the Thunder Dragon Lanayru, speak on behalf of the entire Parella Tribe. I sincerely apologize for the death of Parella #34. Faron and I got heated that day and I failed to consider the consequences of my actions. I know this is not the first time my stubbornness has killed one of your kind, and I don’t expect you all to forgive me. But I promise to be more careful going forward.”

Chapter Text

The Links find Lanayru not too far from Faron’s hall, in the woods near their camp. The sun has risen marking the early hours of the morning, and they run on very little sleep after spending much of the night witnessing the Water Dragon painfully spit out boko parts. Four can’t help but let out a long yawn as they approach Lanayru, who lies on the grass with an arm propped up on a large tree stump.

“Mister Thunder Dragon!” yells Wind, running in front of the group. “You would not believe what Faron just did!”

Lanayru grumbles, running a hand through his beard. “Oh Hylia. What now?”

“She ate an entire bokoblin! Whole! Including the armor!” the sailor exclaims, while Four and the others murmur in agreement. “And she woke us up at night. We had to watch her spit it all out! It was so gross!”

“Link, don’t tell me you’re serious…”

Wind nods. “Yep!”

“ Really, again??” 

Four stares with wide eyes at the old dragon, and gasps are heard throughout the group.

“Wait, what do you mean again?? ” shouts the smithy. “This wasn’t the first time??”

You have gotta be kidding me. 

“Well, not the first time she’s eaten something she shouldn’t have. Bokoblins, moblins, Kikwis…god, with what that dragon puts in her mouth I don’t know how she hasn’t fallen seriously ill.”

Kikwis. Four shudders at the thought that she’s actually consumed a Kikwi. He had met one before…they’re too nice to be eaten.

The Thunder Dragon slowly pushes himself up to sitting, his cloud-like tail curling around his body. “Ugh, if you’ll excuse me I shall go tell her off. As a friend, I can’t let this one slide.”

“Lanayru, wait!” Wind holds a hand up. “Can we come with? Please?”

“Yeah! I wanna come too!” Four pipes in.

Lanayru sighs; a long, tired sigh. “…Alright, come on over.” He smiles as the whole Chain runs up to him, making room for Hyrule to go in front. “I can take about four in my hands, the rest of you…get up on my shoulders. Rulie, you get first choice for seating.”

Four snuggles up next to Hyrule in the dragon’s right hand, with Wind and Sky in the other. The taller boys take the shoulders, holding on to the fabric of his robe and the scales of his neck for support. 

“Remember, Lanayru!” Sky shouts. “No 360 spins!”

The old dragon chuckles, and they’re off.

————————

As Four expected, Faron looks incredibly grumpy. Especially when she catches sight of Lanayru descending into her hall with nine Links in tow. She simply glares as they dismount and stand together on the center platform, in between the two dragons. Four notices a couple Parella floating in the water close by, and the jellyfish snicker to each other quietly.

“You really had to bring them all, didn’t you?”

“They wanted to come,” Lanayru replies, folding his arms across his chest. “And I think you know why I’m here.”

“Thunder Dragon Lanayru.” Faron huffs. “They told you, didn’t they? Little brats!”

Ah, she’s already full-naming him!

“Of course they did. They tell me everything these days, they trust me.”

“Good grief…” She trails off, pausing in thought. “I bet it was that shrimpy blond boy with the orange pants. He can’t keep anything a secret.”

Oh no. Four gently squeezes Wind’s hand. “Don’t listen to her,” he whispers softly, and the sailor slowly nods.

Her words hurt Lanayru as well; Four can see it on the old dragon's face. “Now, you don’t talk about a young hero like that again. And stop it with the distractions!” He groans in frustration. “Faron, we’ve been over this. If it’s not edible, don’t eat it.”

“But I needed to teach those goons a lesson!”

“Okay?? There are other ways to do that, you know. Maybe not EATING AN ENTIRE BOKO WHOLE.”

The Water Dragon rubs her forehead with a webbed hand. “Can you perhaps bring that voice of yours down? I don’t exactly feel well.”

Lanayru seems to have had it. “Yeah, and you know why! THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T EAT THE FUCKING ARMOR! THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS! GOD!”

The room falls silent, including Faron. Four can now hear the breathing of all his brothers, and the splashing of the Parella next to him as they whisper among themselves.

“Oh shit, Grandpa’s mad,” one tells the other.

A few snickers arise among the group. Four can’t help but grin at the comment.

“Yes,” the old dragon replies. “Grandpa is VERY mad. Because YOU WON’T LISTEN TO ME, FARON.”

“What if I don’t wanna? Huh? What would you do?”

“Faron. Please. This is for your own good! Your own health is at stake here if you keep doing this! Just STOP.”

“Hmph.” She scowls. “Make me.”

Lanayru groans, burying his face in his hands. “You exhaust me, you know.” He moves his hands away and glares. “You’re just like a child!”

Instead of replying, Faron holds out her hand and flips the bird. Lanayru, acting quickly, does the same.

“Ooookay, that’s enough.” Time mutters, holding his hand over Wind’s eyes. The sailor attempts to bat the old man’s hand away, making Four chuckle. It’s not like Legend hasn’t already taught him what it means.

“Well, if you’re gonna act like this, I can’t help you,” says Lanayru. “Fine! Go eat boko armor and fall ill, but just don’t come running to me whining!”

Faron pauses in thought. Yep, he really did tell her off.

“I do whatever I want,” she finally replies. “I’m the warden of the woods. Nobody can tell me what to do.”

Lanayru turns away from Faron and back toward the Chain, shrugging his shoulders with a sigh.

“Yeah…see what I have to deal with?”

Chapter Text

Link’s journey is almost over, but he knows he must keep training. He must work on his skills, not only for what may come in his hunt for the Triforce, but also to take part in Lanayru’s Lightning Round and gain the Hylian Shield.

The first skill he focuses on is backflipping. Throughout his monster fights he has gotten significantly better at it, but there are still improvements to be made. And so he begins practicing in Lanayru Gorge, a large, open area clear of monsters and guarded by the Thunder Dragon.

He pictures a fierce enemy in front of him, ready to swing, and bends his legs in preparation. The invisible enemy charges. Link backflips away. And the robots in the area watch with curiosity.

Alright, good. Now, what if they swing again? You gotta build up that stamina.

He takes a deep breath, keeps his shiny Goddess shield in front of him, and imagines another brutal swing from the enemy. He flips through the air again, this time with a shaky landing, and it takes a second to regain his footing.

Come on, Link. You can do better than that! 

The chosen hero backflips again. And again. And again. All in quick succession, planting his feet firmly in the grass each time. Yes yes yes!

Pausing briefly, he prepares to flip one more time, adrenaline still coursing through him. “Hyah!” he shouts, spotting the ground as his legs fly over his head. But this time—The realization hits him with a start: there is nowhere for his feet to land.

OH FUCK!!!!

Link hadn’t bothered to look behind him and notice that the cliff ended here, dropping off into an incredibly deep ravine. He screams for dear life as he sails right off the edge, arms flailing, scrambling for his Sailcloth—

“LINK!!”

A loud, deep voice shouts his name. He feels something large wrap around his body and hold him in a tight grip. It’s a hand. A dragon’s hand. Link gasps for breath, heart pounding rapidly, and gazes up at his savior…none other than Lanayru.

“Woah there, boy, you gotta be more careful! Are you okay??”

Oh god. Oh god. Lanayru just watched him backflip straight off the cliff. Link’s cheeks quickly turn red. 

“Uh—yeah, yeah I’m fine,” he stammers, trying to collect himself. “Th-thank you.”

“No problem. Just relax, Link, I got you.” The old dragon moves his hand forward, lowering the hero down onto solid ground. “But tell me, what exactly were you doing?”

“Um…” Shit. He could die of pure embarrassment. “I was practicing…you know, my dodging. I wasn’t paying attention.”

When his feet touch the grass, he sinks to his knees facing the great Thunder Dragon. The one he just saved, no less. Oh no, he must think I’m a fucking idiot! 

“I’m…so sorry,” he continues. Yep. Time to crawl into a hole forever. 

He waits for Lanayru to mock him, or let out a hearty laugh at his stupidity…but to his surprise the dragon just smiles.

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Look where you’re going next time though, ok?”

Oh…whew. At least Lanayru isn’t mad. Unlike his sister guardian the Water Dragon, who probably would’ve thrown a huge fit. Calling him weak and ‘shrimpy boy’ and all that.

“Yeah…I will, thanks.”

As Link rests to regain his composure, with Lanayru watching over him, he still knows one thing for certain: that was fucking stupid. He will make sure to never do it again. 

Chapter Text

“Ohh…you really fumbled that one, my friend…” Lanayru laments, watching Link push himself onto his feet from where he materialized. The recreation of Din’s Silent Realm had concluded early as the hero was struck by a sword-wielding Guardian. The timer had stopped. 5 minutes and 29 seconds. All but one tear collected.

“Well, no shit I fumbled that!” Link spits out, regaining his strength and balance slowly. “Those fucking Guardians go through fucking walls!”

“Woah-ho, Link, enough with the profanity. That’s not how you talk to a deity of Hylia.”

“Shut up, Lanayru! Just shut up!” The Thunder Dragon’s eyes go wide at Link’s response. “Do you know how hard this is?! This was hard enough on my quest, let alone fucking timed!!”

“Now, Link, please—“ Lanayru holds his hands up in an attempt to reason with the hero. Hylia-damn it, this was supposed to be a fun challenge! “Remember, you chose to do this. I never meant to anger you, I’m—“

“No. You can’t go joking around about this anymore, you little shit! I won’t accept an apology until YOU try it!”

Wait- what?!?!

Lanayru’s head spins. There is no way.

“Me?! But I—“

“Yes! Then you can really find out what it’s like!” The hero smirks, almost mischievously, as he could never be truly mad at the old dragon. But he’s incredibly frustrated at his performance, and he looks quite worse for wear. Lanayru had pushed him a little too hard. Completing Din’s Silent Realm in six minutes was maybe too daunting of a task…

The Thunder Dragon sighs, a long and exhausted sigh, and rubs his forehead with one hand. He’s recreated these trials for Link many times, but he’s never tried it on himself before. He isn’t quite sure if it would even work. After all, the trials are not meant for a dragon his size.

“Come on, please??” the hero begs. “I’ll pay you if you do it!”

Ugh. What the fuck, Link.

“…How much would you offer?”

“200 Rupees!”

Lanayru shakes his head dismissively. “I am not doing that for a mere 200. You’re going to have to offer much more.” As long as he keeps his offer up to a point where Link could barely afford it, he might be able to get out of this…

“500.”

“Higher.”

“1000!”

“Higher still.”

“2000!”

A feeling of dread courses through Lanayru. Link has a fortune now, because of him. He could pay as much as the dragon offers easily. Shit.

There is no avoiding this now. Either he puts himself in a Silent Realm, or Link will forever pester him until he’d wish he was dead.

“…Okay, fine. It’s a deal.”

________________________

He had picked Farore’s Silent Realm, despite Link’s insistence to try Din’s. As long as I don’t tell him, he’ll never know, he thinks to himself as his power comes together to create a simulation strong enough to be mistaken for reality. Instead of materializing Link this time, though, he transports himself. A wave of dizziness washes through him as the world becomes a flash of colors until he finds himself floating above the vast lands of an alternate Faron Woods.

He’s seen Link do this many times, as the one in control of the simulation, but nothing could quite prepare him for actually being here. The old dragon lifts his hand slowly, noticing a soft greenish glow around all his fingers, his palm, and—he looks down in surprise—his entire body. The feeling is surreal. Despite his massive size, he still remains within the light of the blue starting circle. In fact, it seems to have expanded to account for the change.

The task seems simple: Collect fifteen Tears of Farore, without getting hit by a Guardian, and return to the circle in three minutes. Lanayru scoffs. I got this in the bag. His size and ability to fly seems to pose a major advantage.

Taking a deep breath, he floats outside the range of the circle—and the whole sky turns red. The shrieks of Guardians can be heard from all around him, and the thump-thump-thump of them all getting closer. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fu— He gets ready to shoot up as high as he can…

He pauses. Wait. Remember the tear.

There is one right in front of him. He flips around in the air, so his head is facing down toward the ground, and taps the tear with his finger. A chime fills his ears and the sky reverts back to normal. All is silent once more.

Phew!

Lanayru continues on. It doesn’t take long for him to conclude that a simulation meant for a small hero is no match for a powerful Deity-Dragon. He flies over the trees, reaching down to touch one tear, then another, then another. On the cliffs. By a shiny fence. On a small ledge connected to the hill only by a rickety rope. Link has to balance across to get to that one, he remembers.

This is so fucking easy! He can’t wait to brag to the hero afterwards about how stupid of a “challenge” this had been. What a joke!

…Of course, his moment of pride cannot last.

He’s near the home stretch, with four tears left to go. He doesn’t notice the flying Guardian holding a lamp in a circle of light. And he doesn’t register when the tip of his tail floats into the circle.

The Thunder Dragon gasps in surprise as the screams echo out and the sky turns red once more. What the fucking shit?? What did I do?? Oh no—

He pushes himself high up into the sky, high enough so the Guardians couldn’t reach him even if they tried. Okay Lanayru, calm down. All you have to do is reach down and snag a tear. Just like you did the first time, it’s okay. His heart races frantically in his chest, and he quickly searches for the tears. He finds one, under a tree surrounded by a moving pool of pinkish water. That one will do.

Now to avoid the Guardians.

Doing so, however, proves much more difficult than he’d thought.

Slowly and carefully he flips around, head facing down, and lowers himself toward the tree. It seems so simple, he just has to reach out and touch the tear, it’s right there— but four Guardians angrily stare up at him, giant swords ready to strike once he’s within reach.

I’m done for. I’m fucking done for!

He considers moving quickly to another tear…but there are surely Guardians there too. He could try to distract them, or…Oh! My lightning!

But when he holds his hand down to channel the magic, nothing happens. It’s different in the Silent Realms, he supposes.

Well…fuck. He wonders how much this will hurt. It seems to take a lot of energy out of Link every time…

In a last-ditched effort, Lanayru throws his hand out to touch the tear…and multiple Guardian swords strike his fingers, his wrist, even up toward his forearm. He cries out in pain, attempting to dart back up. It was just on his hand, maybe it wouldn’t take him out of the simulation entirely…

…right?

…Or perhaps…

Lanayru falls, his body dissipating into particles, and the simulation ends.

________________________

He slowly wakes to the distant sound of laughter. It seems to be coming from Link, but he can’t quite place it. His mind is fuzzy, but the pain in his hand from where he’d been struck is gone. Thank Hylia…

Too weak and dizzy to move, the old dragon groans and blinks his eyes open. He gazes blearily at a blurry figure standing right in front of him. The hero indeed. 

“Ohh…” Link begins, in a mockery of Lanayru’s deep voice. “You really fumbled that one, my friend…”

Wait…what?! That’s my line!

“…Shut up,” Lanayru mumbles. “…You little—“

“No need to finish that. Ah, I had a feeling you’d fail.” The hero’s face becomes clearer in the dragon’s vision, pausing to furrow an eyebrow and look him up and down. “You’re…okay, right?”

Lanayru nods. His composure is beginning to return, and he finds he is able to push himself up enough to prop his elbow on the large stump. What an embarrassment. A dragon deity failing a Silent Realm trial created by…well, a different deity.

“I know, it always takes a bit to regain my strength,” Link explains. “So, how did it happen?” 

“Four of ‘em.” The Thunder Dragon manages a scowl. “Hit me on the fucking hand.”

“Ah…I see. The ‘one hit and you’re out’ does apply to you.” The Skyloftian smirks and puts his hands on his hips. “Well! Now you know how much it sucks.” 

He can’t help but chuckle. “Damn right I do.” Pausing to take a breath, he sighs. The rough transition back to reality has taken a number on him, but it doesn’t seem to be lasting too long.

“Look, Lanayru…I’m sorry,” says Link, eyes glancing down. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you earlier. I was just so frustrated that I took it all out on you and—“

The old dragon waves his hand dismissively. “Nah, don’t worry about it. You humbled me, boy. I probably needed that.”

Link laughs. “Well…since I got to torture you, it’s only right I keep my promise.” He reaches into his magical pouch and throws Lanayru a silver Rupee. “1..” Then another: “2…” and another: “3…” He continues, and the grass shines with silver. Lanayru reaches down to pick up the money, placing each one in the pocket of his robes.

“19…20!” the hero exclaims, throwing him the last one. “Phew. You probably just got your own Rupees back.” He clears his throat, mocking the old dragon’s voice again. “So! What are you going to spend it all on?!”

“Who knows?” Lanayru shrugs, with the arm not resting on the stump. “It’ll probably go back to you at some point, boy.” Being a dragon deity, he finds there isn’t much else he could spend his fortune on, other than spoiling the hero to his content.

“I mean…” Link hesitates, but soon nods in agreement. “Yeah, you’re right.”

And Lanayru, wily as he is, makes up his mind. He will double the amount of time given for all the Silent Realm trials. After what he just went through, it’s only fair.

Chapter Text

“Link! Are you ok?” calls Lanayru. “How did this even happen?!”

“I don’t know!” The truth is, he doesn’t. One minute he was walking through Faron Woods with the Thunder Dragon, and the next…a large spider wound him up in its web. 

Now he is stuck.

“We gotta get you out, boy. But I don’t want to hurt you.” He flies up and whistles loudly. “Faron!”

An annoyed voice sounds from the distance. “What?”

“One of your Hylia-damned spiders attacked Link!”

“Are you serious!?” Faron’s voice gets closer. “Well, why ask me? Figure it out yourself!”

Lanayru huffs. “May I remind you that this is your forest, and your critters? You can’t leave ME to deal with everything, you little—“

“Fine! We’re coming!”

…We?

Link tries to wiggle his way out of the web, but it’s no use. The darn thing is wrapped so tightly around him in resemblance to those nasty Skulltulas he fought during his adventure, at the Skyview Temple. Damn it, Faron. Why?? What is the point of putting these…THINGS here to guard the woods? They can’t even tell friend from foe!

Of course, it is, well…a very Faron thing to do. The same Faron who flooded the entire woods in response to an uptick in monsters. Link so badly wants to despise her. (He doesn’t, for some odd reason. Part of him almost likes her.)

The “We” in question turns out to be both Faron and Eldin. They had been hanging out together by Lake Floria. Faron arrives first, giving Lanayru a nasty look, followed by Eldin who simply chuckles at Link’s predicament but at least shows a bit of sympathy. Faron has none.

“He’s the hero of the sky!” she snaps. “Let him deal with it!”

“No, Faron.” Lanayru’s voice holds a calm demeanor, but Link can see the frustration in his face. “You will go up to that tree and get him out.”

“Make me.”

“Faron.”

“Okay! What do I even do here?!” she exclaims. “Our fingers are far too big. Unless…”

Link’s eyebrow furrows. “Unless what?” he squeaks out.

“Well, it’s simply wonderful! I could just eat the web around him until he’s free! See, problem solved. Now go away, Lanayru.”

What? Ewww!! The thought of her giant mouth right up next to him makes him shudder. He would rather be stuck in the web forever than go through that.

“Firstly, I am not going away.” The Thunder Dragon crosses his arms over his chest with a huff. “And second: what the fuck.” 

“Whatever do you mean? It’s a sound idea, if I say so myself!”

Lanayru isn’t having it. “But how would you avoid Link? You could accidentally bite his arm off! I forbid it.”

“Forbid it? What are you doing, giving me orders in MY woods?!”

“Yes, indeed I am. And I forbid it.”

The Water Dragon pouts and twiddles her hands in thought. It almost seems like she’s about to flip the bird at the others.

“I don’t like your attitude, Lanayru.”

He simply smiles. “And I don’t like yours!” 

“Okay, okay, how about this?” Eldin perks up. “I could burn the web away.”

“WHAT??” Lanayru’s booming voice makes the hero wince.

“Link will be fine! He traveled all the way to my burning hall! And he’s got those dazzling magic earrings. He’s practically fireproof!”

Oh, how he would love for that to be true.

“I am not fireproof!” he shouts. “That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Okay…” says Lanayru. “Does anyone in this damn group have good ideas?? As servants of Her Grace, we must have something better!”

Faron chuckles. “…Do you?”

Lanayru remains silent.

“That’s what I thought.”

It’s quite entertaining, Link has to admit. Every time he watches them bicker like children. And especially every time Faron doesn't seem to have an ounce of common sense in that brain of hers. When you were Hylia, he wants to ask Zelda, what were you thinking? 

“Well, you see…” the old dragon explains. “I can’t use my lightning powers without seriously harming Link. And none of us are playing with fire to get him out. At this point I should go to Skyloft and fucking send a damn Hylian down for this.”

Faron isn’t too pleased. “No!” she shouts. “We cannot give in to some shrimpy mortal. Either we do it or we just leave him here, he’ll figure something out.”

“We can’t leave him!!” Eldin snaps. “I would rather use fire! I am an expert on fire, may I remind you. I could make a blaze near the web so it melts and that way Link definitely won’t get burned…”

“No. Fire.” says Lanayru. “And that’s final.”

“But–why not? It’s better than…I don’t know…eating it. Like someone’s idea.” He gestures to Faron. The hero, still very much tangled up, realizes he must intervene.

“That’s enough!” Link would throw his arms up in exasperation if it weren’t for the web. “You three are the most stubborn folks I’ve ever met.”

Silence befalls the group. The guardian dragons exchange frustrated glances. Good. They’re thinking. Or Faron’s just coming up with a snarky comeback…

“Okay. How about you two step aside?” Lanayru seems calmer now, almost smirking. “You see, in the midst of all this banter, I think I have found a solution.” The old dragon removes one of his many rings from his finger, a shiny lightning bolt charm on a silver base. “Watch and learn, you little fucks.”

He lowers himself down so his belly is almost touching the ground, his giant fluffy beard in front of Link’s face. “I’ll be as careful as I can. Tell me if I scratch you, boy.” The hero nods in approval. Much more tame than whatever crazy shit Faron and Eldin were about to do.

Slowly and surely, the pointy end of Lanayru’s ring cuts through the layers of web, freeing Link from his enclosure. Not without slicing a slit through his white shirt, of course, but it’s never something Zelda can’t fix. Once the last layer is cut, the dragon holds out his other hand just below Link to catch his fall. The hero plops into it with a gasp, chuckling. Finally! Thank Hylia! They finally did it!

Well, he finally did it. The other two were of zero help whatsoever.

“And that’s how it’s done.” The Thunder Dragon grins as he rises back up and holds out the hand carrying Link. He must be so proud of himself, being the only somewhat responsible one in the group. Again.

“Why did you have to use a ring?” Faron scoffs. “Why not just use those pointy nails of yours?”

Lanayru claps back instantly, without missing a beat. “Why don’t you shut up?”

“Really, Lanayru? Is that all you could come up with?”

“Yes.” He must be smiling, Link figures. The old dragon loves to mess with Faron. “But all you could come up with was almost eating Link to get him out!”

“You know what? I don’t have time for this. Come on Eldin, we’re leaving.” She grabs the Fire Dragon’s hand and scowls. “And you.” She points at Lanayru. “Take that shrimpy hero somewhere else!”

“But Faron–”

It’s no use. She’s already flown away, over the trees. Eldin whispers a brief apology and follows her.

“See? What a pain, every time.” Lanayru tells Link, tousling the hero’s hair with one finger. He still holds the ring in his other hand. “I’m glad I could help you, boy.”

Link giggles now, wondering how he will tell Zelda what happened. And eventually, Lanayru holds him tight and the two leave the woods, laughing to each other as they head home.