Archive of Our Own ^beta

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hi, this is anna here! this idea came to me while listening to Space Suit and after writing my Apophenia story in the "Washing Machine Cycles" short story collection. i've decided to team back up with Ivan/the1weepinqguitar to write this story, since i'd rather write my Linnell chapters. just a heads-up, there will be visceral imagery and descriptions in my chapters, since Ivan isn't quite comfortable writing that. i hope y'all enjoy!

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I leaned back in my chair in the control room, the overwhelming amount of buttons and panels surrounding me in the pale-blue illuminated light. Nothing had really changed since the ship first set off into space, but something caught my eye. I looked over at the back wall and noticed a large poster of Saint Peter tacked up on the wall by the door. It was an interesting sight, considering Flansburgh and I were not religious. I observed the poster for a few more minutes until Flansburgh burst in, his suede coat flying from the gust of wind as he shut the door. I stood up and greeted him by shaking his hand. I could swear I saw Saint Peter waving in the reflection of his glasses. "Whatsa matter, John?" He asked me as I shook my head. "Ah, nothing." I headed back over to the panels and glanced over at the LCD screen that displayed a map of space, a red dot indicating where we were. I tapped the screen and looked at Flansburgh, pursing my lips. "Do you know what this means?" I asked him, my brow furrowing. "Oh, come on! Being in the middle of the Twin Rock Quasar isn't that bad!" Flansburgh scoffed jokingly as he examined the map. 

Suddenly, the ship's intercom crackled to life. "John Linnell, you are needed in the North Wing." A robotic female voice announced. I could've sworn I heard angels saying "Dig my grave!" over the voice on the intercom. "North Wing, that's really close to here." Flansburgh remarked as he began to follow me out of the control room, which was located in the West Wing. The clacking of Flansburgh and I's shoes echoed through the hallways of the West Wing, the eeriness overcoming my senses. 

We had reached the North Wing and we were greeted by a friendly robot who worked on the crew. His name was Cosmo and he was constructed of tin, glass, motherboards, and wires. He moved along via a set of plow wheels, which were greased daily. "Hello!" Cosmo's electronic face smiled at Flansburgh and I as we met in the cafeteria. "What's the scoop, Cos?" Flansburgh cheerfully asked. Cosmo's tube-like arms moved smoothly, gesturing towards a large door at the back of the cafeteria. "Ms. Database would like to see the two of you." Cosmo's voice went monotone. Flansburgh and I both paused, sensing that something was wrong. We exchanged glances before entering the mysterious back room of the cafeteria.

We were seated in two metal chairs that were in front of a large blank screen. A holograph bloomed onto the black backdrop of the screen, a woman's face materializing onto the holograph. Flansburgh gave me a frightened look. I cleared my throat as I stood up from my seat, getting closer to the holograph. "Ms. Database," I began the tangent with. "Mr. Linnell." She said in a warbly and electronic voice. "Why are we needed here?" I asked. "There has been an alien outbreak in the far South Wing's lab." She informed, my face draining of it's color. I was speechless. I couldn't believe it. This had never happened on the ship before.

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“Oh, shit,” said Flans. “This isn’t good.”
He fidgeted nervously with the buttons of his coat as the warbly voice instructed them to exterminate the aliens. He quickly left as soon as her message had ended. He looked around with wide eyes, fearing the aliens would jump out at him and John at any moment.
“Don’t worry, John,” he said, more to calm himself than his friend. “We’ll get rid of ‘em. We can do this.”
“Alright…” replied John, though he didn’t look like it.
“Let’s uh, prepare, then.”
Flans ran to their cabin and quickly gathered what scarce weaponry he’d been equipped with in case of emergency. He hoped that it would be enough to at least scare the aliens out. He handed John a pistol, saying, “Just in case,” before leaving his friend in the cabin.
He walked along the hallways of the ship, his destination being the lab in the South Wing. He held his gun at the ready, prepared to shoot anything that may leap out at him.
The door was ajar.
Flans shuddered and listened.
Nothing.
He pushed the door open.
Nothing.
Flans poked his head, along with his gun, out of the doorway. The lab was pale and stunk of cleaner and chemicals. Flans hated it but he didn’t have any choice but to explore further.
He heard a scuttling sound.
He turned around. Something darted into a cabinet that was bolted to the wall. Flans slowly inched towards it before throwing the cabinet door open.
An ugly creature, mouselike in appearance but for its slimy red skin, hissed at him. Flans screamed and shot at it until it died. He panted and ran from the lab as fast as he could, yelling, “John! John, help!”

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I was in the devoid marine room when I heard Flansburgh yell my name. I rushed to the door, attempting to open it with various commands and sequences. Nothing. I tried again and groaned as the attempt was fruitless. I gave in and kicked the door, using all the strength in my legs. Still nothing. I heard scratching at the door, but I was entirely too nervous to even see what was out there. The scratching got louder and louder and a loud pounding proceeded it. "Could you get me out?!" I shouted as loud as I could to whoever was outside the room. No answer. I leaned against the wall and stared at the large glass tank that sat in the corner. A giant squid was in the tank, floating. I stared and stared at it until the glass broke. I rifled through my pockets and grabbed the shotgun Flansburgh had given me. The squid slipped out of it's tank, the horrible odor of the salty ocean and ammonia enveloping the room. It's tentacles flopped on the floor as it slinked closer and closer to me. "Goddamnit!" I yelled as I backed into a corner to avoid the squid. 

As the squid came to me, it started gripping onto me, the sliminess of it's tentacles seeping through my pants. My hands started shaking as I urged to shoot the squid, but I resisted, as the squid was a study species. I felt something sharp inside my leg. It felt like needles were urging to pierce through my skin and break free. I reached for the 2 way phone on the wall, panicking as the squid went further and further up my body. The needle feeling started becoming more painful. I felt like I was on the brink of insanity as I felt something clawing inside my leg. Instantaneously, a large and overpowered claw burst out of my leg, ripping through my pants and slicing a chunk off the squid's head. "JOHN!" I yelled, panicked as I watched the claw move like a joystick on a video game controller. The suckers on the squid's tentacles clung onto my entire bare leg, as the overpowered claw had ripped off my entire pant leg. 

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"John!" screamed Flans, shooting another alien. "John, get your ass over here!"
The alien died and soon another took its place. They looked like grotesquely mutated animals, and they hissed and howled at him as he killed them. Flans sighed as the last one died, reloading his gun in case another wave came.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around. "John?'
"Yes?" said John in an odd voice.
"You're late," growled Flans. "You answer me when the aliens are dead? Come on, are you kidding me?"
John grinned sheepishly. Flans noticed that his canines were a bit... pointier than usual. He shook the uneasy feeling he got from his friend and continued to talk to him.
"Think there's any more?"
"No, I think you got 'em."
"I hope so," said Flans.
"Don't worry!" laughed John, slapping Flans on the back. Flans yelped.
"We're gonna be okay," said John. "As long as we keep an eye out we should be fine."
Flans smiled weakly at him. "You... you're right."
"Alright, then. What should we do next?"
"I dunno. Scope around for aliens, I guess."
"Sounds like a plan," said John with a smirk. "Where to first? I say the South Wing."
"Sounds good."
They walked along the corridor to the South Wing, John humming a strange tune to himself. Flans paid him no mind, and so didn't notice that John wasn't carrying his gun.
A loud thud. Flans fell to his knees. John shrieked and Flans could hear a shuffling sound before more cries from John.
"John!" he yelled, clutching the back of his head.
A man stood a few yards down the hall from him.
He looked exactly like Flans.
He stares down at John disapprovingly. "You failed, idiot. Now what do we do? Kill him?"
"No, don't kill him. How would we dispose of the body?"
"You're right. Should we keep him contained until we seize control of the ship?"
"No. I've got an even better plan," said John, looking back at Flans with a wicked grin on his face. His fangs were fully out now, and it gave him a vampiric appearance.
"He can hack into the ship's system."

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I was in shock of how there were doppelgangers of Flansburgh and I aboard the ship. I was now in a supposed "doctor's waiting room". The sickly yellow walls and awkward muddy brown carpeting made my stomach turn. Everything was exactly like a doctor's office you would see sometime in your adolescent years. I waited and waited, my leg shaking nervously. I was too afraid to look at the wounds on my leg from the squid's tentacle suckers. Dried blood caked up on the hole where the claw emerged from, healing it. I felt as if I was going to die. Suddenly, an elderly nurse that a graying perm had emerged from a door and into the waiting room. She wore entirely white, from her scrubs to her mask to her shoes. My mind went blank. Had I been taken back to my younger years? I picked the message up quickly as I saw my scrawny 17 year old self sitting in the corner of the waiting room by a large fake plant. I had no idea if the nurse would choose me or my younger self. The nurse took my hand abruptly and dragged me down a long and dark hallway.

I woke up in a horrifyingly white and devoid room that smelt of cleaning products and ammonia. I was stripped of my clothes and laid down on a large and cold metal table. A doctor was examining his medical instruments on a metal table by me. He grabbed a scalpel and hovered above me, moving the blade down my abdomen, proceeding to pull back my skin as if I were a test subject. I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn't as I felt hands digging into my guts. I was too afraid to look and I started sweating profusely, the beads rolling down my forehead. I gave in and looked down, seeing the doctor pull out an embryo-like creature that looked like some alien baby. The doctor took the embryo and discarded of it, blood splatters blooming onto the white floor. The doctor then proceeded to stitch up the area where he sliced me open, his concentration and precision evident. Everything took a turn when he grabbed a large saw and sliced off the leg the claw burst out of. He pulled up his pant leg to reveal a sturdy metal leg. He removed it before disappearing. I was now alone, admiring my new metal leg. 

I was back in shape after the surgery conundrum and started looking for Flansburgh. Cosmo wheeled up behind me, bumping into my new leg. His electronic face was solemn and worried. "Cosmo, what's happening?" I asked, masking the fact I was paranoid. "Flans has been kidnapped!" He shouted, his electronic voice wavering. "Where?" I asked. "He's in the repair room..." Cosmo's voice slowly became quieter. A frown formed on my face. I was paranoid and worried. I had to do all of this alone.

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"Work, God damn it!"
Johnny hit Flans over the side of the head. Flans yelped but didn't move a muscle. He glared at the alien, scowling.
Johnny Hart was fed up with the human's stubbornness and stormed out of the room. "Fucking humans and their stupid goddamn wills..."
Flans spat in his direction before looking back at the monitor. He typed a command into it, sending a message to Cosmo. It read:
Pissed off alien coming your way. Look out for a guy with fangs. Answers to "Johnny". Be friendly. Tell Linnell.
He pressed the enter key and sat back in his chair. He was stuck in the repair room but he honestly didn't give a shit, as Johnny was such a dumbass that he hadn't realized that Flans could set off an alarm at any moment.
Johnny came back and gave Flans a clout on the ear. "Type!" he shrieked.
Flans typed a message into the command box. He looked back at the alien with a smirk.
Johnny furrowed his brows. "You're not funny."
Flans laughed, pressing Johnny to stomp on the cadet's foot. Flans cried out but shook it off and continued to chuckle.
Johnny stood with his arms folded. "Press enter. Fucking open the control panel already!"
Flans smiled. "No."
And then laughed out loud.
Johnny stamped his foot. "Lemme do it!'
He shoved Flans to the side and hit the enter button. The control panel opened up.
"Enter the password," seethed the alien.
"No."
"Enter it!"
"No?'
"I will fucking kill you, human!"
"Okay?"
"'Okay'!?"
"And?"
Johnny yelled and stomped, knowing he wasn't gonna get his way anytime soon.
Then a devilish idea came to him.
He grinned wickedly, his fangs coming out again. "What if... What if your little friend was to, I dunno, die!?"
Flans froze. "No. He can't. You can't do that."
"Oh, but Rolf sure can."
Johnny tapped his foot. It was finally coming together.
Flans was silent, considering it. He couldn't let the aliens take control of the ship but he couldn't let John die, either. He was in a real pickle this time, he thought, swallowing hard.
"So?"
Flans was silent for a moment.
He sighed. "I'll do it."
Johnny grinned, very proud of himself. Rolf would be, too, he thought, if he was here.
"Now type the password in," chirped Johnny with a smug look.
Flans sighed again and typed the password in.
WRONG PASSWORD. TRY AGAIN.
He was taken back and so was Johnny.
"Try it again," said the alien.
Flans typed the password in again.
WRONG PASSWORD. TRY AGAIN.
Flans growled, frustrated, before trying again. He knew it was the password, it was the one he and John had picked, unless...
Unless someone had changed it.
"I...I dunno," said Flans, puzzled.
Johnny just stared at him, dumbfounded. "What? Whaddya mean, you dunno? You're the captain, right?"
"Yeah, but..."
"But what?"
"The password isn't working. Someone must've reset it or something."
Johnny resumed his sour mood. "Damn it. Thought we were actually getting somewhere."
"Sorry."
"Ugh. Now I gotta go tell Rolf that I failed. Thanks, human..."
Flans stared as Johnny walked away and left the room. He was confused.
Who changed the password?
He sent a message to John via their communicators.
John. Did you change the password?

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Cosmo and I sat in the cafeteria when my communicator buzzed. I grabbed the handheld device out of my pocket and saw Flansburgh had sent me a message asking me if I changed the password. "What did he say?" Cosmo worriedly asked. "He asked me if I changed the password." I replied. "To what?" He asked, his timid robot voice quivering. "I'll ask him." I said as I responded to Flansburgh's message, my fingers gracefully dancing across the keypad. I messaged him with: "The password to what?". I stared at the screen for a moment, waiting for an answer. I sighed as I put away my communicator. I heard heavy footsteps coming closer and closer to the cafeteria. Cosmo swerved to the open doors of the cafeteria. "Cosmo, no!" I shouted as I chased Cosmo, trying to prevent him from wandering around the ship. He spun around to look at me, his antennas drooping. A green frown appeared on his screen face. Just out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of someone who bore a large resemblance to me. It was my doppelganger. 

He approached Cosmo and I. I examined his frightening appearance. An eyepatch, patchy stubble, graying hair, a scar across his cheek, and a skeletal body. I gulped. His trenchcoat shifted as he placed a heavy and worn hand on Cosmo's head. I flinched as I saw his gloved hand. "Hey, Rolf!" The doppelganger shouted in a voice that sounded like mine, except more raspier and deep. Cosmo turned to look at me, his electronic face plastered with worry. Just then, Flansburgh's doppelganger entered the cafeteria. He was stout and had graying hair and a graying beard and his glasses were almost 10 times thicker than Flansburgh's. Unlike my doppelganger, Flansburgh's had one glass eye that was the incorrect color. Nothing stranger than seeing an elderly man with one brown eye and one blue eye. 

I was ridden with worry, unprepared for what the doppelgangers were going to do. Cosmo and I decided to back away into Ms. Database's office as the two doppelgangers discussed with each-other loudly. The holograph flickered to life as Cosmo and I entered, Ms. Database's face appearing. The door clicked shut and securely. I began pacing around in paranoia. Cosmo wheeled up to Ms. Database. "This is not going to end well!" Cosmo said to Ms. Database. "Oh, I know." Ms. Database laughed. I paused my pacing as I heard my doppelganger laugh like a wild hyena. I shook the image of his coyote smile out of my head, his gold canines ingrained in my memory. "You PLANNED THIS?!" I yelled at Ms. Database in a fit of rage, completely fed up with what was being thrown at me metaphorically. Cosmo tapped me on my leg, but I pushed him away. The holograph of Ms. Database vanished and Cosmo and I were left in the void of a room. 

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Flans frantically typed into the keypad:
The password to enter the ship's control panel!
He pressed the enter key and leaned back in his chair again. He heard the door open behind him and swiveled the seat around to find himself face to face with Johnny Hart.
Johnny scowled. "We can't hack into the system without the password and Rolf is getting on my ass about it. I'm fucking done with this. This isn't worth it."
"Then why are you still trying?" asked Flans with a raised eyebrow.
"Because maybe, just maybe this will impress Rolf enough for him to let me go on major missions with him."
"What kinda missions?"
"That's none of your business."
"Alright."
They were both quiet for a minute. Flans looked around, humming to himself. Johnny stood watching him, arms crossed.
"You seem awfully calm for someone who is being held hostage," said the doppelganger.
"This isn't too bad. I can still talk to John through the command center."
Johnny sighed. "I don't give a shit anymore. Just... help me do this."
Flans shrugged. "And if I don't?"
Johnny growled, knowing he hadn't a leg to stand on. "Look. Your ship is set on a collision course to Mars."
"What!?"
"Yes. Something within the ship is steering it towards Mars. The trajectory is set but Rolf is trying to change it back to the Twin Quasars. We're stuck here until he fixes it. I need you to help us fix it."
"What about John?"
"I don't know. I've seen him around but he's not doing much, it seems."
"Ah. Maybe he can help, too."
"No. It's best if we don't spread fear on the ship. We should have this issue fixed in a matter of days."
"What if we don't?"
Johnny gave him a dark look. "Then we'll all die."

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Cosmo and I were in the armory, the gleaming lights blinding me. A special uniform was set out for me. I was tempted to examine it, before Cosmo stopped me. “You must swear to this oath!” He announced. I nodded as I looked at him. “Do you, John S. Linnell, promise to protect all mankind aboard this ship?” He asked, his arm raising in the air. “Yes.” I smiled. Cosmo smiled as he spun around in a circle joyfully.

I collected the uniform Cosmo provided me with. It was a thick silver jumpsuit with a patch that had my last name on it attatched to the breast pocket. A pair of black outdated moon boots from the 1980’s and a pair of bright teal gloves were paired with it. I felt very gracious of this, and didn’t want to let Cosmo down. 

A few minutes later, Cosmo and I were searching for Flansburgh and the doppelgangers. I adjusted to my new uniform very quickly. I even had a durable holster that held a new ray-gun! I clutched my ray-gun tightly in my gloved hands, silently creeping through the desolate hallways with Cosmo following.

I could hear the voice of my doppelganger up ahead. It was coming closer and closer to Cosmo and I. We hid behind a wall the was around the corner, the adrenaline pumping through us. I could see my doppelganger dragging Flansburgh by the shirt. Flansburgh dropped to the floor with a thud. I flinched as I heard the loud sound and crept over to him, making sure nobody else was near. 

“You alright?” I asked him as Cosmo wheeled up to us. “They threatened to crash the ship.” Flansburgh said, his voice quiet and hushed. My stomach sank. This couldn’t be happening.