Work Text:
The paper plane crinkles up under his fingers. Seungmin smoothes out the creases, and folds it over again, the paper placed border to border. The same moment he finishes folding it into a small square, the curtain to his left blows in and obstructs his view, catching at his shoulder.
Like an apparition, Hwang Hyunjin comes into view. Tall frame, lanky limbs. He’s draped over the desk beside him, talking much too loud to someone Seungmin hasn’t cared to know. He glances at the unveiled scenery through the window: students playing badminton, eating their lunch, exchanging secrets, creating bonds. Before he can shrug the curtain off, it moves of its own accord: too fast and too abrupt to be natural.
Hyunjin’s hand lingers on his shoulder, this smile on his face that makes his eyes crinkle up like washi. A suspended moment passes, and Seungmin realizes how quiet their little corner has become. His usually is, but with the addition of Hyunjin, it hasn’t been in some time.
“Hey,” Hyunjin smiles at him. “How was lunch?”
What a cliche question. Seungmin scrunches his nose subconsciously, realizing it a beat later. He returns his expression to normal. What’s an appropriate amount of eye contact for someone who looks like he can’t possibly be real? “Same old. The mango was really good though.” and because one can’t possibly continue a conversation with that answer, “you’re not playing?”
“Oh, I was just heading off.” he slaps his friend’s back. Jisung something. Said friend has been tugging at his hand all this while. Seungmin has completely forgotten what his group of friends look like, even though they’re all looking at him. At their conversation. Seungmin is so oddly self conscious that his leg starts bouncing. “Wanna come with?”
“Uh, no. Thanks,” Seungmin says, a broken record. He’s turned down his invitation so many times he doesn’t even remember. “Have fun. Try and get back before class. We have math, remember?”
“I’ll try if you cheer me on,” Hyunjin singsongs, just before he’s pulled along their group, presumably to head to the court. He’s peeking over his shoulder, eyes fixed to his. Seungmin smiles in return, offering a small wave. “No promises.” he yells from the doorway. His voice muffles. “Ouch, fucking—get off me!”
Seungmin returns to his paper plane, feeling the smile slowly slide off his face. The court is in the auditorium on the other side of the school, and he’s not going to go there so it’s not like he’ll get to watch him play anyway. Stupid.
This time it’s a butterfly in his hands. The paper crinkling echoes around the pin drop silence room filled with only the sound of pens scratching, the occasional turning of a page. The sums assigned on the board mockingly stares down at him. Seungmin started the first one and gave up when he realized he didn’t listen to anything the teacher said for the past hour.
If he zooms out, he can feel the soft warmth of the sunlight specks on the teacher’s desk. He can feel the vibration of the cicada hum. He can feel Hyunjin’s gaze on him. When he turns away from his paper butterfly to inquisitive eyes, it’s not a surprise that he finds his paper empty with the exception of a few doodles on the corner.
Hyunjin’s eyes widen when he meets his gaze, reaction time so exponentially slow that he can’t possibly play it off. He looks caught in the net for a moment, which gives way to resignation, then a sheepish smile sent his way. Seungmin raises his eyebrow in question.
In response, Hyunjin sends a question of his own in the form of an upward tilt of his head. Paper done?
Seungmin shakes his head, then holds up a cross, followed by a zero with his fingers. Hyunjin covers his mouth when he silently laughs, eyes crinkling, hair falling over his face. He had half a mind to tell him to cut his hair a month ago, but then he got told off about it the next day. The whole day Hyunjin stayed brooding and silent, a permanent pout on his lips that was only wiped off after lunch.
Hyunjin shifts closer to him, chair scraping on the marble floor. He even goes out of his way to lift his desk and place it against it, corners mismatched. Seungmin watches him duck out of view of the teacher, chin on palm. When he’s close enough, “what about the paper?”
“What about it?” Hyunjin slides in his seat till he can pillow his head in his arms and rest it on the desk. He’s looking up at him, whole face illuminated with the light flooding in through the window. “I don’t know anything. I’m really sleepy.”
“So sleep,” Seungmin whispers back. “It’s not like anyone’s actually doing the problems. I’ll wake you up when he starts teaching.”
“I’m a bad influence on you,” Hyunjin sighs, face hidden with the wall he’s made with his arms. He keeps shifting in his seat; Seungmin knows how uncomfortable it is to actually fall asleep when you want to in class. He knows it’s the light reflected in his irises, but they keep shining, and Seungmin wishes he had more time to look at them. At him. “If this was six months ago, you’d tell on me.”
He knows Hyunjin is joking, but his tone has a slightly apprehensive turn under a layer of humour. “I’m hurt. Is that what you think of me? I would never.”
Hyunjin looks aghast, and he realizes it’d never been his intention to offend or take a dig at him. He’s genuine like that; Seungmin is too conditioned to such undertones that he hears it when it’s not there. He watches him shake his head so hard he displaces the desk. “No, no,” hands clasp, “that’s not what I meant. I just—I mean, you’re a really disciplined person. I’m not. You’d want me to do my best in class too, wouldn’t you?”
“You’re good at what you do,” Seungmin tells him. “You don’t have to be good in class. I just try to keep you out of trouble from teachers. You know what they’re like.”
Hyunjin’s eyes light up impossibly further. If he’d been secretly glancing at him all this while, now he fixes his full attention on him. Bright eyes looking up at him, whole body leaned towards him. A little more, and he’d be supported against him. Sudden fondness makes his heart ache. He looks away, out the window.
Hyunjin’s gaze stays on him, a tangible caress. Does he look at everyone like that? He has a lot of love for everyone. Neither of them are getting any work done, so he returns to his butterfly.
Beside him, he feels Hyunjin inch closer, cheek squished to the desk as he watches his hands in motion, creasing out the paper and sharpening folds. If he zooms out now, like they’re in a movie, Hyunjin would be looking at his face, then at his hands. Then he’ll fall asleep with a smile on his face, and Seungmin will admire him through it.
He doesn’t do that, because this is not a movie. Because he won’t finish the butterfly if he looks at Hyunjin while he sleeps.
There are scrape marks on the marble floor parallel to the legs of his chair, is what he notices first. The second thing he notices is the pad of sticky notes left inside his desk. As the bell rings, he slides into his seat while slipping the notes out. It's a 4x4 pad, blue in colour. Seungmin recognizes the handwriting on the top note easily.
Got a game today. Come watch! - Hyunjinnie <33
Seungmin sighs, folding the top right corner of the note two times over in perpendicular directions. He glances at the clock. If he goes on to the field, he’s going to miss most of his classes. What he can’t decide though, is if it would be worth it: the game must have started long ago. Even if he reaches the court, there’s no guarantee that he’s going to catch the game.
Mentally, he hits his head on the desk. He should’ve woken up earlier. He must hesitate for too long, because students start piling into the class; the teacher will get here soon. Seungmin takes a long breath, lets it out in a puff of air. Crumpling up the paper in his fist, he scrambles up. Leaving his bag at his desk, he quickly slips out of class.
An excuse of going to the infirmary at the back of his mind if he chances upon the teacher, he picks the emergency staircase. By that point, he’s acting on pure instinct: all rationality out of the window. It’s not even that important. It’s not like it’s the finals of their annual day. And still.
The stairs lead him to the hallway that leads into the volleyball court faster than he realizes. The door is open, and it’s void of the usual cheering and yelling that would fill the air had a game been on. Seungmin sighs, slowing his steps to a walk as he goes through the door.
Looking down from the aisle way of the raised seats, he can see the teams on the court. Some on the seats, some laid out on the floor. They’re all talking among each other, volumes raised with the adrenaline rush. Amongst the passing of water bottles and towels and laughter, he catches sight of Hyunjin in his usual jersey, hem rolled up.
He’s with jisung, starfished on the floor. Even from the distance he can see the way light reflects off his face. As he closes in, he realizes it’s water. Seungmin smiles to himself when he catches sight of the small puddle near the team. Jisung hands him a towel, and he rubs his face with it like he’s trying to give himself a rash.
Midway, he hesitates. He might not be the most socially aware person, but this just seems like a bad time to intrude—oh well. He shouldn’t have thought with his heart. When he’s stood frozen for a minute or two, regretting missing the first period for such a stupid thing, jisung coincidentally looks up. They lock eyes. He’s embarrassed when jisung tugs at Hyunjin’s shirt and nods his way.
Hyunjin pushes jisung’s shove off, taking a moment to pinpoint him in the audience, even though it’s polka dotted with people. When he does, he laughs, and Seungmin can hear it carry through the auditorium. Waving back to his overly enthusiastic greeting, he makes his way down.
“I was waiting for you!” Hyunjin tells him, once he’s within range. Seungmin rounds the seats, going towards where they’re on the floor. Jisung looks like he’s biting back a laugh. Hyunjin’s smile comes back in full force, but it doesn’t make his eyes smaller this time. “You’re too late though.”
“Sorry,” Seungmin doesn’t bother with an excuse. He shifts on his feet. “Did you win?”
Before Hyunjin can answer, Jisung cuts in. “nah, man,” he grins at him. “Probably cuz you weren’t here. He played so bad today. I’ve never seen him with form this bad, it’s like he forgot what game he was supposed to be playing.” He takes Hyunjin’s glare in stride. “Are you going to stay here and bunk with us?”
“Jisung, go away. I’ll fight you, I swear.” Hyunjin pinches the bridge of eyebrows, making to get up. He watches Jisung raise his arms in mock surrender, then crawl forward into the lap of some other guy. Hyunjin stands up, flashing his stomach as his shirt falls down from where it had been tucked. Not like he was looking.
“Sorry about him. He’s usually more depressed after losing. This one time after we lost, he stayed back and cried like a bitch—sorry, I’m going off topic. Isn’t class already on?”
Seungmin confirms with a nod, eyes drifting to where the right sleeve of his shirt is unfolding and is now a different length than the other. Hyunjin’s hair falls over his face, wet like he’s just out of a shower.
“Shoot.” After every minute, he’ll sweep his hair back, and he has to bite his cheek to not laugh at his shuffling and fidgeting. “Guess I gotta head back, huh? Cuz there’s no way you’re staying and missing your classes.” tongue in cheek, “unless you want to?”
Seungmin looks at him. “Why would I want to?”
“I’m sure there’s something that will make you stay,” Hyunjin says, his confidence broken midway through as he dissolves every other word into giggles. Seungmin is smiling, so he’s sure he knows he’s teasing. “C’mon. A little rule breaking wouldn’t hurt. And look at you! You’re already here.”
“No I'm not.” Seungmin blinks up at him. “I’m at the infirmary.”
When Hyunjin laughs and doubles over, it’s with a weak hit to his arm. Seungmin steadies himself. When he comes back up, his smile reaches his eyes. Good. Hyunjin brushes his hair back again. “Sorry about your game,” Seungmin tells him. “You’ll win the next one for sure.”
Hyunjin waves his hand. “Not important. I wasn’t in form. And Jisung kept missing my passes, so that’s not even my fault. Not to mention! Minho hyung missed so many spikes. Plus, you weren’t here.” he holds his eyes and nods solemnly. “That’s important.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“Yup. Wanna play?” the pout comes back up. Seungmin wonders how he can be so comfortable with someone he barely knows. “Shh, shh. Don’t say a word about class. I’m not going back, and I'm not letting you. I’ll do the second half, promise!”
“I’ll hold you to that,” Seungmin says. He pockets the note in his hand, and he sees Hyunjin’s eyes follow the movement. Moving towards the ball rolling off to the side, he motions Hyunjin towards the court. “I haven’t played in some time. I’ll be rusty.”
“As long as I get to see you play again,” Hyunjin tells him through a sweet smile. He turns to the team. “Yo. Get on. Jisung! Tell them to get on court.” he sees him jog over and he has a feeling someone’s leg just got kicked. The piercing yell that echoes in the auditorium confirms his theory.
“Hi, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin tumbles into his chair beside him, limbs flopping onto the desk like a jellyfish. Seungmin finishes the page he was reading and slides in a bookmark, gently closing the book. “Whatcha reading?”
Seungmin blinks up at him, then glances down at the book cover. “Love in the big city.” he looks at him carefully to gauge whether he’s familiar or not, but it seems like he’s not. Still, Hyunjin shows interest, which he appreciates until he shakes his head particularly hard and he’s reminded that he’s here after a game.
“Did you not dry your hair?” Seungmin asks, amused at his sheepish smile. “Give me your towel. Your hair’s gotten long again. I’m surprised they’re not banishing you to eternal hell for it. The school’s weird about even slightly long hair.”
“At least I look good,” Hyunjin tells the void inside his bag, fishing for his towel. Why he has a towel in there, he has no idea. He takes it out and gives it to him, his posture so crouched over that he’s looking up at Seungmin with those big eyes. Seungmin sets the book and stands up. “Don’t I?”
“Turn around.” Hyunjin looks up at him over his shoulder. He gently turns his head away when he stands behind his chair. Hyunjin wriggles out of his grip with a laugh and tilts his head up, resting it on the top of his backrest. “Check your desk.”
Seungmin sets the towel on his hair, brushing out the water from the strands first. Hyunjin looks confused as he searches the desk, even more when he reaches the note placed there. He tries to turn around to look at him, but Seungmin is too focused on his job to let him. But, he can read his confusion easily.
“It’s from Hyejin,” he tells him. “She told me to tell you that there’s a note. You’re usually not in class, and even if you are, you’ll miss it cuz you’ll be sleeping.” he sees him scrunch up his nose. “Is it a confession?”
“I thought it was from you,” Hyunjin says. It’s a little muffled under the towel as he dries his hair. His voice is quiet. “It’s not a confession. At least, not yet. She wants to meet after school.” sarcastically, “I'm sure that doesn’t mean anything, right?”
“You don’t sound too happy about it,” Seungmin comments. His hair is softer than he thought. Maybe a little rule breaking is good sometimes; he gets to see him like this and brush his fingers through his hair. There’s something wrong with him, he concludes. “You don’t like her?”
“It’s not that I don't like her…” Hyunjin sighs. “I mean, she’s nice, sure. She’s a good player. But I don't—I don't like her like that, y’know? And well. She’s a good friend. There’s no telling if she’ll want to stay like that if I say no. And I feel terrible when I reject someone. I feel like they’re thinking that I think I'm better than them or something. It really sucks.”
Seungmin moves around the chair, feeling Hyunjin’s gaze going along with him. He drops the towel on the desk, flicks his forehead. He goes down with a dramatic yell, complete with clutching his forehead and everything. He groans. “Please don’t lecture me. I know I overthink a lot.”
“Acceptance is the first step.” Seungmin nods, holding back his smile at his watery eyes and pout when he looks up at him. “And I didn't even hit you that hard. It’s your fault for leaving the spot vulnerable. Train your reflexes, you’re supposed to be the best player on the team.”
“You were drying my hair!” Hyunjin complains. “What was I supposed to do?”
“It’s okay.” Seungmin sits back down in his chair. “You couldn’t have known better. Sometimes we need to get through it to learn. Is it dry enough? Fix your hair before class starts.”
Hyunjin leans towards him blindly. “Do it for me. I can’t see.”
Wordlessly, Seungmin turns to face him. “Close your eyes,” he says, the proximity too much for his liking. He can see the moles on his face. He fixes his gaze to the top of his head, smoothing out the fluffed up hair. They don’t have a comb on them, so this will have to do. Thankfully, Hyunjin is kind enough to close his eyes.
He’s spoken too soon, he realizes, when they flutter open after a moment. Seungmin feels incredibly dizzy at the weight of his gaze, and also nauseatingly self conscious. Maybe he should be learning to be kinder to himself. As he’s tucking a few stray strands behind his ear, “what if I want to look at you?”
“Why would you want to?” it slips out of him before he can think about it. He’s going to burn like this. He’s surprised. He didn’t think it was going to be like this. And at his comment, Hyunjin frowns. He looks a little offended. Seungmin tries to play it off. “Is there much to look at?”
“Yes?” Hyunjin says, suddenly in uptalk. “I like looking at pretty things. Don’t you?”
He thinks Hyunjin can feel—and see—how red he is, but he has to take credit for the fact that he plays it cool. He focuses on parting his hair neatly. Hyunjin’s face breaks into a smile. Wordlessly, he rubs over the spot he hit earlier.
“Thanks for helping!” Hyunjin smiles. “I sweat so much it feels like I'm taking multiple showers throughout the day, so my hair always gets like this.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t if you didn’t spray water all over yourself after every game, hm?” he frowns when it falls over his eyes again the moment he moves his head. Like this Hyunjin is going to have to get glasses too. “Ah, you really should cut it. It’s a pity, I know, but one of these days you’re really going to get into trouble.”
Hyunjin scoffs. “What’ll they do? Expel me? Pfft. Over long hair? I’m gonna dye it and show up someday, just you wait. I’ll blow everyone away by showing them how good I can look. Just you wait!”
“I’m sure you do that already,” Seungmin pats his head. “To be fair, you can technically do whatever you want. The school isn’t stupid enough to get on bad terms with one of their best players on the volleyball team.”
“One of?” Hyunjin leans forward, shifting on his seat eagerly. Like a retriever. And to think he’s the one that gets likened to one. “Not the best? Looks like I'll have to up my skills. I need to be the best player you’ve ever known! I’ll show you.”
“Just me?” Seungmin laughs, heart squeezing fondly. Hyunjin nods. All his work that went into his hair is wasted, but at least it’s not as askew as before. He’s catching the drift here, and he knows that Hyunjin knows. “I see how it is, Hyunjin-ssi.”
“Just you,” Hyunjin confirms softly. He falls into a long pause, staring down at his hands. “I care too much about what people think about me, and I know I shouldn't. But it’s okay if it’s you, right?”
“Mhm. As long as it’s okay for you.”
When Hyunjin grabs his wrist and asks him to wait for him outside school with wide pleading eyes, he doesn’t have the heart in him to refuse. So he stands waiting, watching everyone else leave. He doesn’t catch Hyunjin’s friends, so they must either be staying back, or have left before him.
He paces the front of the school gate, bag half slung on his shoulder. The sunlight isn’t that harsh today, and if he keeps his back to it he can delude himself into thinking it’s cooler than it is. He left his book at his desk, so there’s nothing for him to pass the time. Vaguely, he wonders how much they’re talking. And a distant sense of dread creeps up on him: what if Hyunjin decides that he likes her after all?
He kicks out the pebbles away from the main road all the way up to the bus stop beside the school. On his way back to the gate, Hyunjin's figure in the distance makes his heart jump.
One: he’s alone. Two: he doesn’t have his bag with him. Seungmin picks his pace up. When they’re within hearing distance, Hyunjin stops walking towards him, instead waits. Seungmin’s back is towards the sun, so Hyunjin’s face is bathed in sunlight; he’s squinting slightly. His hair is all messed up again; from running his hands through his hair. Seungmin kind of wants to kiss him.
“Hi.” Hyunjin sounds tired. His smile is weak. “Sorry for keeping you. Can we—can we go now?”
“Your bag,” Seungmin softly points out. “Where’s your bag, Hyunjinnie? I’ll get it for you.” Hyunjin sighs, crouching over, hands on his knees. He tells him he must’ve left it in the court; he got caught up talking to the coach. “It’s okay, wait here.”
He can feel Hyunjin’s eyes on him all the way to the entrance into the hallway. The auditorium door is still open; maybe the team decided to stay back after all. As he enters, he attracts attention to himself. Jisung isn’t here, but the guy who comes up to him is familiar. Seungmin, to be polite, greets him before bypassing the team.
“Kim Seungmin, right?” the senior who’s always with Jisung calls out. He slows down, nods. “You here for Hyunjin’s stuff? How the hell did he forget? What an idiot.”
Seungmin squints at him wordlessly, trying to gauge whether he’s joking or not; his deadpan tone doesn’t give anything away. Then the guy laughs and falls into step beside him, and well, okay.
“Is the whole team here?” he knows they’re not. Asking for the sake of it. He spots Hyunjin’s bag from the corner of his eye, the totoro charm lying sadly on the floor. “I’m surprised Hyunjin didn’t stay back.” it probably had something to do with the letter. Maybe he wasn’t feeling like playing today. As surprising as that is, he understands.
The guy laughs again, this time a little awkwardly. “Uh, yeah. Me too. Maybe he just wanted to, I don't know, walk home with you? He told me your houses are the same way.”
He doesn’t know about Hyejin then. That figures; Hyejin was pretty secretive about the whole thing, and Hyunjin is probably more embarrassed than her. He decides to play it dumb. “Yeah, no, he should’ve played. Why would he miss practice for such a stupid thing?”
“He tends to be a little stupid over—I mean, over things. Yeah.” Seungmin crouches down to zip up his bag, carefully fixing the totoro charm. The thing is so old the ring is rusted over. He also tends to get attached, he knows. “Good game yesterday! I know you were on the team but I didn't figure you’d still be that good.”
Seungmin flushes, bowing. Still not used to genuine compliments like these, even though Hyunjin has sometimes made it easier for him. He thanks the senior, and sets off to leave. As he’s passing the staircase, he thinks of the book in his desk. It wouldn’t hurt to quickly run up and get it, right? Since he’s here and all. The classroom should still be unlocked.
The classroom door is unlocked but closed. Without thinking much of it, he swings the door. Pauses. Hyejin is in the room, sitting in a corner at the back. She has headphones in, and her eyes are closed.
He taps on the desk before making his way forward to signal his presence. She opens her eyes, startling a little, then tugging off the music. “Oh, shit. Aren’t you supposed to have gone home already?”
“I could say the same to you,” Seungmin smiles at her to ease the tension. “Came back for my book. Sorry for startling you.”
She laughs, puts her hand on her chest. “You’re fine.” knowing eyes follow him through the room. He moves Hyunjin’s chair to the side and opens his desk. He can feel her waiting for him to be done to speak. He turns around. Casually, “did you tell him?”
“Yup.” her eyes are downcast. She laughs again, short and nervous. “I think he hates me now.”
“I don’t think he does.” Seungmin pauses. He didn’t catch it before, but he does now when she wipes her face with her sleeve. He leans back against the desk. “He’s just—a little upset, I guess. He’s more scared you wouldn’t want to be friends with him anymore. He said no, right?”
“It’s not like he was rude about it or anything,” Hyejin says, her face crumpling. “And that makes it even worse. If he’d just—been an asshole about it, it'd have been fine. He was more sorry that he didn’t like me back.” an incredulous laugh. “Like, what the fuck? Who says that?”
“He’s nice like that.” and he really shouldn’t be getting fond over him when Hyejin is still clearly upset in front of him, but it’s such a Hyunjin thing to say. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it sucks right now, but you’ll probably forget it in a day or two. Should I buy you ice cream?”
Hyejin sighs. “Thanks, Seungmin. It’s fine, I'll get over it. There’s not much one can do about unrequited love. I’ll listen to some IU and you’re right, I'll forget.” she unbends her knees, getting out of the uncomfortable position. Now cross legged on the desk, “is he waiting outside for you?”
Seungmin nods. “That’s nice.” Then, out of nowhere, “he really likes you, you know. He’d talk about you all the time when we played together. He hyped up your playing so much, I was starting to think he had a sponsor. But I saw you play yesterday.” she holds out a fist. “He wasn’t lying.”
Seungmin reciprocates her fist bump. “Thanks.”
Hyejin waves as he leaves, and he sees her plug her music back in. He quickly makes his way down the stairs, avoiding the main hallway in case he gets held back by more people. It’s been quite some time since he left, and he kind of doesn’t want Hyunjin to be alone right now.
He jogs the length of the pathway that leads up to the gate. When he’s out, he catches Hyunjin on the right. He’s crouching on the pavement, staring at the flower pots planted along the sidewalk. He looks up at the sound of his approach, automatically holding out a hand. Seungmin passes him the bag without a greeting, and watches him stand.
Hyunjin stares at him for a moment. Seungmin blinks back. “I want ice cream.” he blinks in surprise, a little more when he latches onto his arm. “Please don’t say you have to go home quick and study. You’re not going back until it’s night. And you’re buying me ice cream.”
“Am I?” Seungmin can’t help the smile that rises to his lips. He’s so, so cute. Not that he’s going to tell him that. “I guess I am. Am I paying for you too?”
“Yup.”
“I see. Your friendship was all a ploy to trick me into buying you ice cream. Is that how it is, Hyunjin-ssi?” Hyunjin bites his cheek like he’s trying not to laugh. He’s so easy to entertain it makes him ache. “The things I do for you. This offer stands only for today, understood?”
“Yessir,” Hyunjin still hasn’t let go of his arm, and he doubts he will until they have to part ways. “Thanks! You’re the best, Seungminnie,” he regrets turning his head; Hyunjin’s eyes are sparkling. “Really, really!”
“I believe you.” Seungmin goes along. They fall into step, and Hyunjin’s shoulder keeps brushing against his. He glances at him; he looks less upset than before. That’s good. He asks him what his favourite ice cream parlour, Hyunjin says it’s along the way, and will he please (dragged out) buy him one. Whatever, Seungmin had already made up his mind.
When evening falls, they’re sitting on a bench in the park, finishing off the ice cream. Hyunjin, he discovered, likes to be humoured. If he’s saying something absurd, he’ll need to go along with it to make him laugh. If he’s silent, that means he’s thinking of the next ridiculous thing to say. There’s warmth in his chest, and he’s sure the summer has nothing to do with it.
Along the way, Seungmin decides to be honest. “I talked to Hyejin,” out of the corner of his eye, he can see Hyunjin pause. “I went up to class to get my book, and she was there. Listening to music. She was really upset too.” he unwraps the rest of his cone, dropping it into the bin beside him. “She’s a good sport.”
“I hoped she would be,” Hyunjin sighs. “It’s not her; I'm more worried about other people.” Seungmin looks at him questioningly. “It’s… happened before. This one girl came up to me and kind of—well, confessed, except it was clear she was trying to make a scene out of it. And I wasn’t interested, I rejected her, and the thing kind of got around.”
Hyunjin pauses, chewing the cone biscuit. “What did they say?”
“Oh, you know. The usual.” His tone is dry. “Apparently I'm full of myself and I think I'm better than everyone else. It kind of escalated and they’d keep telling the teachers about me. Getting me in trouble, even if I wasn't involved. Plus, there was this thing where if I took someone’s notes I was automatically obliged to be their boyfriend. Meh.”
“I give you my notes all the time,” Seungmin says through a mouthful. “I don’t want you to be my boyfriend. Go away.”
Hyunjin laughs, leaning into his side. “Oh, there was also this one time where I rejected this girl and she spread a rumour that I was gay. Because I wasn’t interested in her. The guys went along with it for sometime. At first it was pretty funny, but then it started becoming an insult. It stopped after a while.” he looks at him. “I think you know about that one.”
“Oh, yeah,” Seungmin affirms. “That was in my first year here.” The ice cream finishes. He drops the wrappings into the bin and gets up. Hyunjin sticks out his hand as he tips over his water bottle over his arm to wash off the remnants of melted ice cream.
As he holds Hyunjin's hand, he gets curious. “And are you?” Hyunjin tilts his head up at him in question. “Gay, I mean. Are you?”
Hyunjin’s gaze is equal parts calculating and apprehensive. It softens after a moment. His voice is small. What for? “Would it be a problem if I were?” Suddenly, the palm in his hand feels warmer than before, and he’s more aware of how sweet Hyunjin’s gaze is. “You can tell me. I’ll say no if it’s a problem.”
“You’re fine, Hyunjin,” Seungmin brushes over a spot he’d missed and caps his bottle. Hyunjin’s hand hangs limply on the bench, and he gently gives it back to him. “I’m not like that, okay? It’s not a problem. It’s not supposed to be.”
Hyunjin lets go of a sharp breath; he suspects he’d been holding it for a while now. Seungmin gets back to the bench and sits back beside him. Noticeably closer. In the distance, he watches the park lights switch on one by one. When the one in front of them is lit, “and you? What about you?”
Seungmin is confused. “Hm?”
“Have you liked someone before?” Hyunjin asks. His voice dips. “Or, do you like someone? Because like, I’ve never heard you caught up in any rumour before. Or even look at anyone a little longer. Or even talk about anyone! I wanna know about you too.”
“Girls don’t like me like they like you, Hyunjinnie,” he hopes he knows that he’s teasing. They’ve grown close enough that he usually does; sometimes it takes him a beat longer. “I’m the guy people can take notes from. I don’t usually go play with you guys, and I don't usually go out of my way to hang out. Not exactly boyfriend material.”
“I disagree,” Hyunjin says, volume up. He startles himself with it. Secretly, Seungmin smiles. “They like you, Seungmin. You don’t know that.” Hyunjin shakes his head. “How can you not know that? I don’t like when you talk about yourself like this.”
“Sorry,” Seungmin picks at a piece of loose thread. He looks up at him. “I won’t do it for your sake then.”
“No, not for the sake of it,” Hyunjin argues. “You need to mean it. I’ll only get so far. After we’ve graduated, you need to remember this. I might not even be around then, and you might not have someone to remind you! So you need to tell yourself to be nice to yourself, and mean it with your heart.”
“You’re going to make yourself sad talking about graduation, Hyunjinnie,” Seungmin tells him. He knows it’s a sensitive topic for him. He can see the way his eyes get gradually more downcast. “Aw, c’mon. What, you want another ice cream?”
“No,” Hyunjin says, voice small. “Well, yes. I’m saying no to seem humble. How do you know that?” sparkly eyes turn up to him again. Seungmin will need to sit down and ask himself exactly what it is about Hyunjin's gaze that gets him this soft. He has a feeling finding the answer will be a whole lot easier than finishing his calculus homework.
“I know you really well. That doesn’t change.” Seungmin stands up. “Wait for me.”
“Hyunjin,” he taps his shoulder. Gently at first, then a little more. He sighs, slightly fond, and takes a seat in front of him. The classroom is completely empty, the late afternoon floods the room in golden sunset. Tentatively, he reaches up and moves Hyunjin’s hair out of the way. “Hyunjin, we’ve gotta go.”
No response. It’s like time has suspended him and Hyunjin while the rest of the world goes on. The shadows don’t change, but they will if he gives it time. His gaze is fixed to his face, a foreign kind of emotion clouding his mind. He runs his hand through his hair once, twice, both to move it from his eyes and to caress.
There’s not much time left. Hyunjin firmly refuses to talk about after graduation things, but he has a pretty clear idea of where both of them will be. His calculations are usually right. Even if this time they aren’t, one thing is for certain: they won’t be anywhere near each other.
It hurts in a way. Seungmin hadn’t expected himself to grow to like someone this much in their last year together. What happens, happens. Right? But for the first time in his life, he doesn’t want to let it; he’s been a spectator of his own life long enough.
Hyunjin stirs; he doesn’t bother retracting his hand. When he blearily opens his eyes, he takes a moment to remember where he is. “Shit,” he groans, rolling his neck. “Sorry, shit, I didn't mean to fall asleep that hard. Is everyone gone?” he looks a little more awake then. “Are we locked in the school?”
“Yup,” Seungmin says. Finally taking his hand back. Hyunjin hasn’t seemed to realise. “You and me. We need to survive the night. I have all the supplies. Just promise you won’t pass out on seeing a ghost.”
“Yah, don’t joke about that.” Hyunjin shiftily looks around, half laughing, half concerned. “I might as well stay back and practise. You should come along.” he groans again, stretching his arm. There are sleep marks all over. “That was some good sleep.”
“What were you dreaming about?” Seungmin asks, picking his bag up from the floor. “You looked happy. Peaceful. You were smiling and shit. It was creepy.”
When Hyunjin doesn’t reply right away, he figures he’s too sleepy to process the question. He stands up; finds Hyunjin looking up at him with a smile on his face. Not the creepy one, the sweet one.
Seungmin has found through repeated observations—to minimize the possibility of error, of course—that the moments when Hyunjin smiles and looks at him like that usually coincides with the moments Seungmin wants to kiss him the most.
“What?”
“You were staring at me all this time?” Hyunjin asks, voice oddly light. He stands up with him, stumbling like bambi. Seungmin hadn’t even considered that he’d pick up on that. “And I'm the creepy one?” he bumps shoulders. “It’s okay, I'm nice to look at. It happens.”
“Ha ha.” Seungmin deadpans. He considers flicking his forehead, but then he thinks of his poor wallet and how Hyunjin will surely look at him with those big eyes and ask for compensation ice cream. In his best interest, he decides against it. “Are you staying or are we heading back?”
“If I stay, you stay too,” Hyunjin tugs his sleeve and confiscates an arm. “I want to play with you. Is that so bad? Think about it, you should spend these days playing in the court. Cuz, y’know.” Seungmin can feel the shift in tone before he can hear it. “You might not get to play later on. I might not get to play either.”
Seungmin frowns. “What?”
Hyunjin pulls away. If he doesn’t want to tell him, that’s fine. But he sure wonders what’s up. “Hyunjin,” he tries again. He looks small in a way he usually doesn’t, softened through the sleep. Seungmin really, really wants to kiss him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Well, it’s stupid,” Hyunjin starts. He doesn’t say it’s not stupid if it’s bothering you, because he knows that he’s going to tell him either way. “You’re such a good player. You would’ve been captain of the team if you kept at it. Everyone liked you, Seungmin. And then you left not even a month in because it was getting in the way of your grades, right?”
Seungmin nods, but he doesn’t know why he’s bringing this up. Unless this correlates to what is currently bothering him. He thinks he’s figured it out.
Hyunjin keeps fidgeting with his fingers. “I thought you hated me, you know. Maybe if I had been less full of myself before playing opposite you, you wouldn’t have ignored me like you did. But I really looked up to you.”
“I didn’t ignore you, Hyunjinnie,” Seungmin says, reaching to rub his hand. “I was in a new place, and I didn't know anyone. I was just socially awkward.” he rubs the back of his neck. “And well, you were beautiful. You intimidated me.”
He knows he’s caught off guard when he freezes. Hyunjin’s eyes flit all over his face, as if trying to gauge whether he’s joking or not. He can see the way his ears rapidly reddening. A moment later, he pulls away from him, face in his hands. “What the fuck, me? Intimidate you? Cuz I was—you can’t just say that!”
Seungmin laughs. “Why not? It’s the truth.”
“No! You still can’t.” Hyunjin drops his hand, sighing. “Anyway, long story short, my parents have officially started their being concerned about their son’s future arc. And it sucks.” he throws his hands up. “What’s even the point of coaching me for volleyball then? They’ve suddenly realized that maybe—y’know, just maybe—I'm more serious about volleyball than I'll ever be about academics. I think I've given them an identity crisis.”
“I’m not supposed to laugh, but the way you’re telling me this makes me feel like I should.” Seungmin holds back a smile into his fist. “Should I?”
“Laugh!” Hyunjin slumps into his seat. Seungmin listens to him and gets his amusement out of the way. “Laugh all you want. I hate you.”
“I mean, it’s not really a problem, is it?” Seungmin asks, only half genuine. “There’s no way you’re going to actually consider that. There’s no way you of all people is going to quit volleyball to study—I don't know, medicine or some shit. I’m laughing because it seems so absurd.” adding, “you’re not considering it, are you?”
“I mean, they’re my parents. And honestly, they do have a point.” he sighs. “You’re right, I don't know why I'm stressing over this. This is my life. I’ll be so depressed if I have to study instead of getting tortured by push ups.” finally more awake, “shit, I just thought about a life like that, and that seems fucking miserable. Nope, no way I'm doing that.”
Seungmin gestures his way, there you go. “You shouldn’t give up your dream for stupid things.” he fidgets with the latch of his desk, closing and opening it. “When you’re playing in the nationals and you’re famous and everything, you should call me and thank me.”
“What about you?” Hyunjin asks suddenly. “Is this what you want to do?”
Seungmin shrugs. “I don’t mind it. I like playing. But I don't think I'd be able to keep at it the way you have all this while.” he smiles wryly. “I’m not passionate about things like you are. It’s just another day for me.”
Hyunjin stays quiet for a moment. Then, “that’s sad.” Seungmin looks up at him. “You should like things more. You should like people more! It’s nice when you like the things around you.”
“You think?”
“I know!” Hyunjin looks up at him, a half grin on his lips. “I know a lot. You should learn from me.”
“I do,” Seungmin says, holding his gaze. But not for too long, because they really need to leave. Not because he can feel warmth blooming in his chest if he looks at him a little too long. “I learn from you all the time. I’ve learnt that you tend to be extremely stupid at times, haven’t i?”
Hyunjin punches his shoulder, rolling his eyes. I’ve also learnt to love you , he thinks, looking at him. A shame that he doesn’t get to put his knowledge to a practical test in the way he wants to. He’ll have to do with the theory for now.
“Have you ever sneaked out at night?” Hyunjin one day whispers to him in class. Seungmin had been stressing over a problem, which he’s clearly forgone doing to sketch cartoon flowers all over his notebook.
Hyunjin tilts his pen to the side to shade in a petal. “Me neither. Must be fun. I wish I could someday. But there’s too many bad people around. And I'll get kicked out if my parents found me out. Plus, I won't have anyone to hang out with. What would I even do?”
Hyunjin talks too much, he decides. “I’m right here.”
“No, but like, there’s no way you’re going to do that.” he shushes him when Hyunjin’s volume gets louder in indignation. “Don’t tempt me. You’re too lawful to ever do that. And if you do, I'll feel bad because that means I'm a bad influence on you.” Hyunjin leans in to look at his notebook, chin on palm. “I have no idea what you’re writing, genuinely.”
“I’ll explain later.” Seungmin scribbles out a part of his calculation. “Shh now. You’ll get in trouble if you keep talking.”
“I’m bored,” Hyunjin complains. “Why’s this class so long? I want to go home with you.” Seungmin glances at him. “Walk home with you, I mean. It’s too hot to practice. Besides, we’re supposed to meet at the club to practice again. Finals and shit.”
“Don’t miss your practices,” Seungmin scolds him. “We can walk home after the game.” he turns a page. “The more practice you get, the better. I can go home on my own perfectly fine, thank you.”
Hyunjin blinks at him. “But I want to be with you.”
“Sure, let’s just not practice cuz you want to spend fifteen minutes in the sun to walk with me. Whatever for?” Hyunjin doesn’t reply, eyes fixed to his notebook. He knows he’s not reading shit. Is he being too dry with him? He softens. “You don’t want to play, Hyunjinnie?”
“There’s not much time after the game,” Hyunjin says quietly. “After the annual game, we have finals. And you won’t talk to me during exams, I know. And after that, there’s one day where we come to school to talk to everyone. And that’s it.”
“I didn’t—” Seungmin swallows, pen pausing on the page. “I didn’t mean to make you sad. Sorry.”
“I’m not sad,” Hyunjin says, pressing his lips into a line to resemble a squared smile, even though it doesn’t look anywhere near the real one. “I’m just saying, I have time. You have time. We don’t.” he blinks rapidly. Seungmin sees it because he’s been staring at his face all this while. “I really, really like you, Seungmin.”
Hyunjin’s face takes on a subtle shade of cherry red. He averts his eyes, keeping them stubbornly fixed to his pen. The paper. His hand. Seungmin isn’t sure if he’s flushed too, but he can feel his face getting warmer. That might just be the summer though. Lamely, “that’s… nice.”
“Yup. It really is.” Hyunjin fidgets with his sleeve. Then decidedly, “I’m not going to practice today. We’re going home together, right?”
“Yeah.” Hyunjin seems happy with the answer, returning to his usual self after a while. He’s not getting much work done with his whispering, but he doesn’t mind this time. He has plenty of time to finish this at home. Hyunjin is his friend. It’s not fair to him. When Hyunjin starts talking about the hypothetical places he would skate if he knew how to, Seungmin gives up pretending.
They get told off for talking too much towards the end of the class, but he finds that he doesn’t mind. Nope, he thinks, watching Hyunjin giggle over him getting scolded. He definitely doesn’t care about it.
“Holy shit,” Seungmin snatches the towel from him. Hyunjin’s face comes into view, red and flushed and dripping with sweat. He groans to particularly nothing, and drops to the floor like a ragdoll, limbs flopping everywhere. “I’m surprised you haven’t rubbed your skin off yet. Sit up.”
In response, he gets another muffled shout. “Stop yelling at me,” Seungmin crouches down beside him, towel in hand. “That’s not going to do you any good, y’know? Just calm down and breathe. And close your mouth,” Seungmin cups his face. “Close your eyes.”
Hyunjin squeezes his eyes shut, still trying to get his breathing under control. His shirt is completely soaked. Right sleeve rolled up, the hem of his shirt tucked into itself to expose his stomach. Seungmin has been pointedly looking away. He lets out a sharp breath when Seungmin tilts his face up and gently moves his wet bangs away from his forehead.
After he pats his face once, Hyunjin’s eyes open immediately. He looks dazed, and well, he gets it. “We did it, Seungmin! It’s cuz you were here, see? That was genuinely the best I've ever played. We did it!”
“All you,” Seungmin says softly. “Are you happy?”
“So much.” Hyunjin blinks away a drop of sweat. “Where’s my bottle?” Seungmin just watches as he splashes his face, emptying out half the bottle. He must’ve stared a beat too long, because he gets lost in thought. When he comes too, Hyunjin is looking up at him, cute smile and doe eyes.
Seungmin freezes into a pause when he breaks into laughter. He quickly snaps out of it, helping him dry his face. Slowing his hands down when he tries to get it over with quickly. Even though he’s chiding him about irritating his skin, Hyunjin keeps looking at him under the towel, smile permanently plastered to his face.
“You should come over,” Hyunjin says suddenly. “To celebrate. I’ll beat your ass in mario kart, and I'll give you free snacks.” Seungmin wants to imagine that the slight tremble in his voice is due to the adrenaline rush and not because of emotion for him, good or bad. He’d hate to remind Hyunjin that—well, it’s as good as over, right? “I’ll even tell the guys to postpone the celebration, how about that?”
“You should be with your team today. It’s important to celebrate together.” Seungmin pulls out a loose thread from the corner of the towel. “You shouldn’t have waited for me. I wouldn’t have minded.”
“No, I want to be with you,” Hyunjin repeats from last time, more firmly this time. His small movements all this while: swaying in his cross legged position, animated hands and fixing his hair—it all comes to a pause. “You don’t want to be with me?”
“You know that’s not true,” Seungmin breathes out. “I’m trying to think about your dynamic with the team here. You guys need to be like family. Putting me above them for an occasion like this seems detrimental to your bond with them, doesn’t it?”
“That’s not how that works.” it gives way to frustration. Sorry, sorry, sorry, Seungmin chants inside his head. He thinks he’ll get stupidly emotional if he spends too much time with him even though deep down he doesn’t want to get away. Ever.
Hyunjin sighs. “They know about you. They don’t mind. Trust me this time, okay?” He sounds a little sad next, and Seungmin is going to hate himself for it. “We’ll have wins in future. There’ll be celebrations over bigger things. But I don't know for certain if I'll get to spend time with you like this ever again.” he sees him blink quickly. “Why do you think I waited for you to come here without telling you? Because I knew you would. Because you wanted me to be here.” he smiles, sort of cheeky. “I know you really well too.”
He’s not wrong, that’s for certain. A lot like the first time: Seungmin throwing away his rationale because he was tired of the same boring results over and over. Going along with his heart because he wanted to see what would be at the end of it. It’s a big game, and audience members aren’t allowed on court. So he waited until everything was over.
Turns out Hyunjin did too. So that's a tie.
Hyunjin’s room is nothing like he envisioned it to be. It’s small, but cozy. There’s a board of pinned pictures, doodles, and training schedules above his table. Looking at it, it’s clear that he hardly ever sits there: books are stacked all over the place he’d actually study. There’s a guitar in the corner of the room, which he tells him that he hardly plays anymore. There’s a few plushies propped on top of the closet, a bedside window with billowing curtains.
“So, I lied.” Hyunjin flops onto his bed. It’s on the smaller side, he notes. He’s never given it much thought before—always blocking that train of thought, of course—but holding the boy he likes doesn’t seem that far away anymore. “I don’t have a switch. All the mario kart I've played is at Jisung's. I said that to lure you into the house.”
“I was tempted anyway.” Seungmin sits on the edge of the bed. Not really nervous or anything; Hyunjin’s room feels like an extension of his own. The yellow light is going to be making him drowsy though. “So what are we doing?”
“Come here,” Hyunjin calls, tone complaining, patting the spot beside him. “You’re so far away. Get comfy.” Seungmin tentatively pulls his legs up and crawls to the small space between Hyunjin and the wall. A bad idea, in hindsight. Hyunjin is the most comfortable he’s ever been, lying down the moment he gets to his bed. Propping his head up with his arm, “are you nervous?”
Seungmin scoffs. “I don’t have a crush on you.”
He sees his smile widen. “I never said anything about that.” Hyunjin winces when he punches his arm, settling himself into the narrow space. His eyes fall on the assortment of things placed on this little storage area along the headboard.
There’s several rubber bands, a packet of mints, an adapter. Washi and transparent tape and a set of sticky notes. Origami set. A stack of journals. Headphones, both wired and bluetooth ones. An ac remote. Seungmin reaches out. “Oh, should I turn on the ac?”
“Nah, it’s not that hot today.” Seungmin picks up the wad of origami paper, turns it over in his hand. “This is unused. What did you even buy it for?” Hyunjin tries to take it from him. “Want me to teach you something?”
Hyunjin pauses, his hand weighing on his. He clears his throat. “Sure.”
“You gotta sit up for that,” Seungmin tells him. “Wait, are you sure sitting on your bed in these clothes is okay? Won’t you have to change the sheets? And you could’ve changed, atleast.” when Hyunjin shrugs, “no, no, go change. Take a shower. I won’t die if I sit by myself for a little.”
“Fine.” Hyunjin gets out of bed, huffing. “But you’re wasting time.”
“It’s not like we have anything better to do, hm? If you’re going to spend time with me, do it comfortably. Shoo.” Hyunjin goes easily, but he makes sure to let him know that he’s not happy about it. He can hear his footsteps all the way to the bathroom outside. When the door shuts, the room plunges into a serene but empty sort of quiet.
Seungmin runs his hand over the page he pulled out. He might as well make the most of it till Hyunjin comes back. He folds it once over into half. He looks around the room, then remembers the flat headboard. He places the piece of paper on it, smoothening it out.
Small folds throughout the square piece into eight rectangular pieces, then into half backwards. Two folds at the bottom. Corners of the paper aligned to the centre axis line. Turn over, fold backward to form the bottom of the heart. Squinch out the two fold to make them perpendicular to each other. Then he turns it over, squinting as he folds the top corners of the heart back, careful of the symmetry.
The door clicks open. Hyunjin has changed into a loose t-shirt and sweats, towel around his neck. He closes the door with his leg, shooting him the sweetest smile as he nears the bed. Seungmin swallows. “I’m back!” he flops onto the bed. “You said you’ll teach me, but you’re making things without me. Whatcha making?”
“It’s nothing special. I’ll show you when I'm done,” Seungmin says, smoothing out an ugly crease. It’s placed flat on his hand, so it doesn’t really resemble anything at the moment. Hyunjin opens his mouth, and he somehow knows that he’ll whine at him to tell him until he gives in. He's interrupted by the doorbell ringing.
“Oh, it’s mom.” he scrambles out of bed. “Hold on, be right back. Don’t leave the room, okay? Or you’ll get questioned.” Seungmin must’ve looked worried, because on the way out he adds, “not like that! She’ll like you too much and she’ll want to talk to you. She can talk to you later; it’s my time now.”
Seungmin smiles to himself as he disappears again, this time leaving the door open so he can clearly hear everything. Hyunjin’s mom asks him about the extra shoes, and he tells her that he has a friend over. She asks to meet him, and Hyunjin says, later! Talk to him when he’s leaving.
“You should’ve told me you would have friends over,” his mom sounds distressed. “I would’ve brought food!” Despite his best efforts, she pays a visit to the room. Seungmin had been too busy listening in that he startles. He scrambles out of bed to greet her, bowing. “Hi! You’re—”
“Kim Seungmin, Mrs. hwang. Nice to meet you. Sorry for the intrusion.”
“Seungmin!” his mom seems happy to see him. There’s familiarity in the way she pronounces his name. “Ah, you’re Seungmin! I hope you’ll be having dinner before you go home, right?” he helplessly glances at Hyunjin; this was not in the plan. “Oh, you have to. I’ll make something quickly, okay?”
“You should've told me,” she turns back to Hyunjin and chides him. “I’ll get some snacks for both of you.” She smiles warmly at Seungmin. “Make yourself comfortable, honey. If you want, I can talk to your parents about staying a little late? It’s your first time here, after all.”
“Thank you, Mrs Hwang, but I can’t stay too long.” he bows. Hyunjin’s mom deems it a shame before disappearing off. Hyunjin closes the door again, turning to face him. “Well, I failed at that. I hope the snacks can compensate.”
“Just snacks?” Seungmin jokes, going back to his position on the bed. Hyunjin follows suit. He looks unbearably soft in home clothes. There’s a sketch of a duck on his shirt. Said shirt rides up to his midriff when he wriggles into bed beside him. “She’s nice. Have you talked about me?”
“Of course I have.” Hyunjin’s voice is muffled into the pillow. “Holy shit, I'm exhausted. I didn’t realize how tired I was all this while.”
Seungmin hums, paper crinkling when he turns it over. It seems to remind Hyunjin; he moves to an awkward half sitting position. There’s no space for Seungmin to back away if he wants to; Hyunjin is a little too close for his liking. “Oh, yeah. You said you’ll teach me when you’re done. Show me!”
He folds the little origami piece like it was meant to be done. Hyunjin’s eyes follow the movement with rapt attention. He can feel him leaning closer. He smells like sandalwood soap and fresh laundry. There’s a whiff of floral shampoo in there too. “Give me a pen,” he tells him. “And I'm using your tape.”
“Mhm. Go ahead.” Hyunjin hands him a pen from the penstand on his bedside table. He assumes he studies on his bed; most of the things he requires for it are not at his table but scattered in various places around his bed. “Are you going to tape my mouth shut because I talk too much?”
He’d rather kiss him, Seungmin almost says out loud, the urge for a response ingrained in him. Instead, “something like that.” It takes him a while to figure out where the tape begins; Hyunjin takes it from him and unravels it for him. Then he has to ask for scissors because the piece he’s cutting is too small to be cut with teeth.
“I’m confused,” Hyunjin whines.
“Shh.” Before putting the tape in place, he turns away from him. “Don’t look or I'll never talk to you again.” he laughs when Hyunjin stays put, a glance letting him see the confused-indignant expression he wears. He picks up the pen and fills in the heart, gives the pen back. Then the ring.
Hyunjin blinks down at the paper heart ring on his palm. If he looks closely, he’ll see the tremble Seungmin’s hands wear, half hoping he won’t think much of it, half hoping (wanting) Hyunjin to lean forward to kiss him. It’s a pretty fifty-fifty chance. At the way Hyunjin flushes, he thinks he can take the bet.
“Oh no,” Hyunjin’s voice is a whisper. He has no idea why. “Oh no, why is this romantic? This is pretty romantic, right? Are we getting married?” He gingerly takes the ring from him and really looks at it. Then up at him, same emotion in his eyes. “Is this a friend thing? It’s a friendship ring sort of thing, right?”
“It’s not even a real ring, Hyunjinnie. You can make it yourself too.” he finds himself matching his volume, laughing. “You can treat it like a friendship ring if you want. You have been promoted, after all.” but then, Hyunjin looks at him again, and he has to add, “if it’s more than that to you, that’s fine too.”
“Isn’t that—isn’t that stupid?” Hyunjin asks, now laughing too. “You said it yourself, it’s not even a real ring. But it’s from you.” his voice grows quiet. Tenderly, “it’s from you.”
“It is.”
“You know how much I like you,” Hyunjin rubs his hand, gaze on him. Seungmin doesn’t feel that small anymore, just fond. His eyes flit all over his face. He squeezes his hands. “And I think—I think you like me too. You like me enough to make a paper ring for me, at least. I feel like that says something. Not a friend thing?”
“Not a friend thing,” Seungmin confirms. “I think too much about kissing you to be friends anyway.” he clears his throat. “Oh wow, that sounds terrible when I say it out loud.”
Hyunjin surges forward. Before he can even begin to process the fleeting touch of his lips on his, he pulls away. His body language speaks of embarrassment. He must’ve done it without thinking it through, hence the light contact and the immediate pulling away.
Seungmin slowly extracts a hand and reaches up to cradle his face. This time, it’s Seungmin who leans forward. He closes his eyes and tilts his head on the first press of mouth to mouth. His movement is hesitant at first—it’s nothing like the dreams, and it feels much more real and tangible than his imagination. He feels Hyunjin’s hand in his loosen, fall into his lap. Seungmin kisses him like he knows what he wants, and Hyunjin smiles and kisses back like he knows how to give it to him, even though they’re both clumsy and hesitant with it.
Hyunjin’s hand moves up his chest when he pulls away for air. “Get here,” he says, tugging at his collar, and Seungmin breaks into a laugh. He feels his back hit the wall in his attempt to be more pliant with the force with which Hyunjin kisses him, even though he keeps breaking into laughter every few seconds or so.
“Was that your first kiss?” Hyunjin asks, voice giggly and soft. “It was my first.” he kisses him on the cheek. “I’m your first kiss!”
“No, I've kissed loads of people before.” Seungmin blinks at him, absentmindedly thumbing at the bone of his wrist. He should eat more, he thinks. “Of course it’s my first. Are you happy?”
“I’d be happier if you kissed me again,” Hyunjin says, looking up at him. Eyes crinkled. Seungmin reaches up and brushes his hair away from his face, getting the sudden urge to kiss his forehead. So he does. It gets him a surprised noise, dissolving into another one of delight. He’s so, so cute.
He was thinking of listening to his little request, but the footsteps outside the door startles them out of their reverie. Hyunjin rolls out of bed, rubbing the back of his neck as he stands up. He goes to open the door before his mom can, pretends to be surprised at the snacks.
Hyunjin settles back down on the bed with the food. “Food on the bed?” Seungmin asks, shaking his head. “Preposterous. We’ll sit on the floor.”
“Who cares?” Hyunjin pushes him back when he tries to leave the bed. “I’ll change the sheets anyway.” he dumps the snacks on Seungmin and points at it, aggressive with it. “Eat!”
In the while of opening up five whole packs of chips and a single box of chocolates, the sun has gone down. They end up transferring to the floor. The room is evening dark, and Hyunjin doesn’t bother leaving his position: cozily squished between the edge of the bed and his chair. Seungmin has a little more space for himself since he doesn’t feel the need to drape himself over everything for support.
“So,” Hyunjin begins, distorted through a mouthful of crackers. “How was your first kiss experience?” he holds up a hand and makes him wait till he’s done eating. Hand in front of his mouth, “How much would you rate your first kiss? It wasn’t that bad, right? Cuz genuinely, I had no idea what I was doing.”
Seungmin pretends to think about it. “A solid five.”
“Out of five, right?” Hyunjin claps his hands. “Nice! I didn’t know I was that good of a kisser. And you’re usually hard to please.”
“Out of ten,” Seungmin says, biting back a laugh when his smile slides off his face. Hyunjin shoots him an unimpressed glare. “But if you kiss me a little more later, I'll bump it up to seven. Or eight. I think you deserve an eight.”
“I deserve a ten!” Hyunjin tells him. “It’s my first time too, I was figuring it out along the way.” he pauses to clear his throat. A blush creeps up his cheeks. “I didn’t think I'd get to kiss someone I like so much.” he shoots him a lopsided grin. “I like you s’much, Seungmin. You have no idea.”
Seungmin pops a chocolate into his mouth, handing the other out to him. Hyunjin leans in with his mouth open, crumble coated fingers suspended in air like he’s a frog. His words sound bittersweet to him, even though Hyunjin is being all but adoring when he says it.
“That’s okay to say, right? I can say things like that now, right?” Hyunjin worries at his silence. In assurance, he reaches out and pats his head. Sufficiently satisfied with his response, “I like you so much, Seungminnie!”
“Cute,” Seungmin tells him, watching him beam. Man, he thinks, how is he supposed to just let him go?
“Promise you’ll visit again!” Hyunjin’s mom calls from the kitchen as he’s lacing up his shoes. Hyunjin stands beside him, holding onto his bag. “I’ll be more prepared next time. Such a shame I couldn't feed you my homemade kimchi, ah, really…”
“I’m walking him to the main road, mom,” Hyunjin interrupts her lamenting. Seungmin looks up at him, unimpressed. “What? We decided on this long ago, shh. Who’s to say you won’t lose your way?”
“I’m a perfectly capable individual with an adequate sense of direction,” Seungmin says, standing up. He takes his bag from him. “It’s you I'm more worried about, honestly. The bus stop isn’t that far away. Really, you don’t have to.” he turns to Hyunjin’s mom and bows. “Thank you for the food, Mrs Hwang. I’ll make sure to visit again.”
“You’re so polite,” Hyunjin says once he kicks shut the door and they head out. It sounds more like a complaint. “She’ll tell me she wishes you were her son instead of me when I get back home. And it’ll all be your fault.”
He drapes himself to his side, hooking his arm around his. Seungmin doesn’t complain when he interlocks their fingers, even though it’s too hot for this. “Has anyone told you that you have first love vibes?”
“I’m your first love?” Seungmin asks, smiling. That’s all he’s getting.
Hyunjin stammers, and he can feel the way his body warms up, stuck to his side. “Uh, well. I guess? Yeah, I think. Oh, who am I kidding. Of course you are. Is it love though? Maybe it’s still in the like territory.” he huffs out a breath. “Whatever. I’m too inexperienced to know the difference.” Hyunjin clears his throat, squeezing his hand. "I love you. I love you, Seungmin—shut up, wait, I'm testing it out. Seungmin, I love you.”
“Sounds like you’re pretty convinced to me.” Seungmin breathes out, making sure to sound more confident than he feels. “Now stop saying that. I can’t kiss you here.”
It doesn’t feel real, but it doesn’t feel very monumental either. It’s as easy as breathing. Hyunjin thinks he loves him, and he very much does too. The moon goes around the earth, and the earth goes around the sun and night and day stay locked in their everlasting dance. The ocean tides flow and ebb, and light travels faster than sound. All eternal truths.
“Aw, you want to kiss me?” Hyunjin laughs, looking up at me. “You should do it when you leave. Oh, nevermind, we can’t.” he does his downward pout thing. Devastating. “Hugs are okay, right? Hug me before you go.”
“Hyunjin…” he starts, without anywhere specific to land. He hears him hum in acknowledgement and they both know he doesn’t really have anything to say. He settles for admiring the night streets as they walk through—so different from the main roads but still familiar.
They meet more than one cat along the way, and it delays them marginally, because what are they going to do? Not pet the cat? Not pspsps it and make a fool out of themselves? Atrocious. Hyunjin, without fail, grabs his hand after every time he has to let it go.
They’re barely dragging their feet along, and it’s so painfully obvious to both of them. Hyunjin’s grip on his arm is marginally tighter. Seungmin feels like there’s lead in his stomach, feels like there’s something missing in his chest when the bright lights of the main road greets them. The moment between seeing it and actually reaching it drags on to an infinity, before it inevitably reverts back to zero.
“I’ll see you on monday then?” Hyunjin lets go of his hand, averting his eyes. He’d thought he’d want to hold on a bit longer, but it seems like he’s trying to minimize the hurt that’s eventually going to come. His hand is limp when he takes it back in his own. “Best of luck.”
“Be my boyfriend.” Seungmin squeezes his hand gently, both cupped in his palms. He sees his head snap up, gaze moving from the ground to his face. At first, he looks like he’s doubting if he heard it right. Seungmin moves forward slowly, in case he needs some time to recover. When he doesn’t, he can freely wrap his arms around him. “If you don’t mind long distance, be my boyfriend. Please.”
“Sure,” Hyunjin says. He smiles when his voice breaks. He can feel the way Hyunjin’s frame melts, crouching over like he’s trying to cocoon him in. He tightens his hold, ear to chest. Spine under his fingertips, fuzzy cotton shirt luring him to stay. Hyunjin rests his chin on his shoulder blade first, then buries his face into his neck. “I seem calm right now, but I'm actually going insane.”
“You’re anything but calm right now, Hyunjinnie,” Seungmin laughs, fond. “I can hear your heart, stupid. You sound like you’re on the verge of a flatline, if I’m being honest.”
“I’ll flatline your heart,” Hyunjin says, cutely muffled into his neck even though the threat is anything but. “I’m not getting any sleep today.” he does this little squeal. Seungmin didn’t know humans were capable of making that sound. “You just asked me to be your boyfriend. Boyfriend! Holy shit, I am not passing this exam. You’re a bad influence, Kim Seungmin.”
“I’m not talking to you till you’re sure you’re gonna get all A’s.” he reconsiders. “Okay, maybe all B’s and higher. You can do that.” he reaches up and pats his head. Hyunjin lowers himself even more, almost collapsing into his arms. How considerate. “Get some sleep, okay? You’ll do well if you study hard enough. I believe in you!”
“My boyfriend believes in me,” Hyunjin sighs. “How could I ever think I won't do well?”
Seungmin brushes a piece of hair back. He doesn’t bother deconstructing his questionable beliefs. “Let’s go now. Get home safe. I should—” he breathes out through his mouth. “Hyunjinnie, let me go, hm?”
“Fine.” Hyunjin unsticks himself from him. His mouth back in a downturned pout. It’s devastating that he can’t kiss him, but if he doesn’t start heading back home quickly he won’t get to see the light of his room again. “Text me when you reach home! I’ll send you all the cat pics.”
“Sure. Bye.” Seungmin lets go of him, and Hyunjin’s gaze trails down to where his hand lingers. He sees his eyes brighten. He’s so easy to love, really. He turns away. “Love you.”
“Kim Seungmin!” he hears him whisper yell as he crosses the road. He secretly smiles to himself, because Hyunjin doesn’t have a chance to say it back anymore without yelling it over the crowd. In his pocket, his phone vibrates. He doesn’t have to look to know what the message is.
God, he thinks. He likes him so much.