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Life had been like a dream. Almost like a cliché movie, in fact. She had been living in the city of love for four years now and frankly, had never been happier. Ruby had all she could ever wish for here; a job that made her proud of herself and was a service to the community, the ability to go out and enjoy crèpes every week (as trite as it sounds) and, most importantly, the ability to make a successful fresh start.
Of course she missed those she had left behind on Saint Marie; she missed the bars, the music, the good company you could keep until the sun finally set. Hell, she even missed the unbearable heat and humidity. However, a fresh start was more than necessary, for her's and Madeleine's sake.
Ruby was tired of answering questions and explaining. On Saint Marie, where people had known her all her life, it was as if she had to justify every decision she made in terms of dating. If she started going out with a man, it was immediately assumed that she was straight. What a surprise it was to people when Ruby was seen kissing and going on dates with individuals that were not men. It was apparently rather difficult for family friends -and most of her family in general- to realise that a person's gender did not matter much to Ruby when it came to the selection of her partners. It was the person that did.
Madeleine had told her several times that she would meet a select few people with the same mindset no matter where she went, but at least here she was free of gossiping aunts and uncles.
Paris was breathtakingly beautiful as well. Ruby and Madeleine lived in an old building made of some kind of beige sandstone, occasionally decorated with embellishments that spanned the entire length of each balcony. It was not a very high building, in fact it was one of the lowest blocks of flats, but this only added to its charm. The best thing about their living arrangement was the crêperie next door- in Ruby's opinion.
And then there was Maurice, the sweetest cat in the world. Ever since Madeleine had told her about nearly having left Maurice to fend for himself because of her spontaneous decision to stay on Saint Marie five years ago, Ruby had made sure to give him extra treats whenever it was her turn to feed him.
Everything was perfect, and had been for four whole years.
Or so it seemed at first glance.
The cracks in the glittering facade of her seemingly perfect life in Paris made themselves extremely obvious when she received the phone call. Out of the blue.
She had known right away that she was about to be hit with bad news. The Honoré Hospital had never contacted her after her move to Paris.
She had immediately gone into shock. She couldn't cry, she couldn't be scared, she couldn't feel anything. She didn't know what to do.
Click. The sound of Madeleine opening the door. Madeleine often worked late hours and got home later than Ruby did each day, even though they were in the same division. This click was the sound that Ruby had longed for all evening.
"Saluuut, I'm home!", Madeleine's voice echoed from the entrance hall. Ruby instinctively smiled to herself, despite her distraught state. She loved Madeleine's way of mixing French and English more than anything else in the world. After four years of living in Paris she was practically fluent in French, but with Madeleine she always spoke a mix. Ruby supposed that this was their thing , a couple thing .
"Ruby? T'es où? Where are you?", the absence of Ruby's response made Madeleine hobble into the hallway, one of her shoes in her hand and her dark blue jacket halfway undone. A while ago, she had traded her habitual braids for her natural hair, putting it up into a bun when she went to work. She looked so incredibly beautiful, Ruby thought.
"There you are!", Madeleine exclaimed. Then, she stopped dead and her expression shifted into a concerned frown.
Ruby braced herself for the dreaded question that would surely cause her to break down completely. She cursed herself for being so sensitive, so emotional, so easily affected by everything.
She remembered Madeleine taking her to a queer club near Rue au Marie about a month after their arrival in Paris. At first, the atmosphere had been exhilarating, filled with the smell of cherry cocktails and excitement. They had danced, drunken shots, and gulped down at least a kilogram of junk food. Finally, as they sat at one of the high, sleek tables in a secluded corner of the club, their minds distorted and unable to control their impulsive actions, Madeleine had leaned in and pressed her lips against Ruby’s in a moment of liquor-infused, mindless bliss.
And then, Ruby had ruined it. After the delirium of the kiss had worn off and they were exchanging timid glances, the club’s interior had transformed into a boisterous, sweaty, suffocatingly stuffy hellhole. The noise had pierced her eardrums and entered into her brain like a poisoned dart. A surge of panic had welled up within Ruby and she had begun to hyperventilate. Her memory of the panic attack and subsequent emotional breakdown was painfully vague, as if her brain wanted her to forget what had happened.
But it had happened, and she had spent the rest of the evening leaning into Madeleine while crying her eyes out.
After that, she had decided to seek professional advice. Over the years, her sensory issues had worsened to a point where she could not perform daily tasks without going completely insane, and she felt sorry for Madeleine, who had to put up with Ruby’s angry outbursts when she was trying to complete paperwork and the construction workers renovating the house next door were drilling as though they deliberately wanted to sabotage her.
The sensory issues were only a small part of something that had begun to string her along like a puppet, controlling every aspect of her life and determining where she could and could not venture.
“Are you okay?”
The dreaded question finally found its way out of Madeleine’s mouth. As if on cue, Ruby felt tears sting her eyes. She desperately attempted to wipe them away with her sleeve, but that only made it worse.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, please don’t cry.
Ruby took a deep breath and managed to mumble, “No”, her voice shaking uncontrollably.
Not bothering to take off her second shoe or her jacket, Madeleine sat down next to Ruby, enveloping her in a warm embrace. This was too much for Ruby. The tears that she had tried to dispel with such urgency cascaded down her cheeks in small rivers.
“Aww, what’s wrong, ma petite étoile?”, Madeleine asked, pulling Ruby closer. My little star. Madeleine always said it in such a way that it sounded purely affectionate and caring, not at all infantilising.
“The honoré hospital called”, Ruby managed to choke out, “Uncle Selwyn’s in the emergency department.”
She watched as Madeleine’s face changed from a look of concern to one of shock, and back to one of bigger concern.
“Do you know what happened to him?”, she asked, clearly attempting to keep her tone calm.
“He’s been shot”, Ruby answered quietly, “They said they’d inform me if anything changes.”
For a moment they sat on the light green sofa in silence. Ruby could sense that Madeleine was trying to say something comforting, but did not quite know what to say. Neither of them had ever been in a situation like this, despite their notoriously dangerous occupations.
But Madeleine did not need to say anything. Her presence, along with the ability to cry openly, was all that Ruby needed right now. After all, this phone call was not a death sentence. Selwyn was in good hands.
"I just feel as though everything bad is happening all at once", Ruby looked up at Madeleine. After she had let out her emotions, her mind suddenly felt clear and she felt that she could think rationally again.
"Ça veut dire quoi? What does that mean?", Madeleine replied.
"My sensory issues, rejection sensitivity and all the other stuff getting unbearable all of a sudden, so much that it interferes with my work and my relationships - our relationship - and then Uncle Selwyn getting shot. I don't even want to know what's going to happen next."
Ruby hated the fact that she had to cry about everything. Sometimes she wished that, at least for one day, she could be like everyone else.
Madeleine thought for a moment before responding, "Don't let the downsides of your neurodivergence define you. I know it's hard, and you will always come across barriers in your life, but your ability to overcome them makes you strong. Stronger than me anyway."
Another surge of tears coursed through Ruby. She moved closer to Madeleine but kept completely silent, rendered speechless by Madeleine's declaration.
"Society has taught you that you need to act a certain way to be accepted, to 'fit in', but you know what? 'Fitting in' is a social construct. It’s complete bullshit. Nobody has ever managed to fully 'fit in'. So act however you want to, and do whatever you love to do. And even if the whole world turns against you, I'll still be there for you. Always."
It was as if she had read Ruby's mind, picking out the bad thoughts within it and breaking them apart logically. Madeleine's no-nonsense approach made her feel secure and protected, like a metaphorical shield of reasoning.
"And I'm sure the Commissioner will be alright. I just know it. Pretty sure this resilience you have runs in the family", Madeleine grasped Ruby's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
Ruby finally managed to find her voice again. She had never been good at responding to help, usually she was the one who listened to people, gave them advice and comforted them. Nonetheless, she knew that Madeleine was aware of how thankful she was to have her around. She could feel it in the air like a reverberance of positive emotions that was meant just for the two of them.
"It'll be a while until they call. I'll stay awake the entire night."
"D'accord. Je reste avec toi, t'inquiete pas. I'll stay with you, don't worry."
Ruby cradled her head into Madeleine's chest and closed her eyes. It was all going to work out. All loose ends, even those that were dangerously frayed, were tying themselves up to form a path that was less confusing, less uncertain, brighter.
Aussi brillant qu'une petite étoile dans le ciel.