Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Dad, I think Ellie's in trouble!"

Sarah's voice pulls him out of the dream world as if he were a prize caught in a claw machine. Joel opens his eyes wide. The bedside clock reads just past three twenty-two in the morning. The man tries to sit up, but sleep hampers him and he slips over his own elbow. Still, he makes an effort to sit on the edge of the mattress and turn on the bedside lamp.

His daughter is at the foot of the bed with a panicked expression on her face and her phone in her hands. The only light on is from the hallway, backlighting her, giving her an ethereal appearance, like an apparition.

"Ellie?" he asks, his voice still hoarse.

"She called me, Dad, she called me! But I couldn't hear anything. It was her, I swear!"

Joel feels around the floor with one foot until he finds the jeans he left lying around the night before. He dresses urgently because Sarah looks on the verge of tears and his head is racing trying to sort through ideas.

"Did she tell you where she is? Does she know where she is?"

"No! She's not... she didn't run away, Dad! She kept saying 'I'm still here, I'm still here' all the time, and then I think she screamed, and then... the call got cut off, and when I tried calling her again, the number didn't work, it said it was turned off. I swear it was her!"

"I believe you, sweetheart, I believe you," Joel assures her, putting a hand on her cheek to reassure her, though his own heart seems to be racing in his chest.

"We have to help her. If she's still at that Pastor’s farm... Dad, we have to help her, please, please."

Joel holds her by the shoulders and lowers his neck slightly to match her gaze.

"I'm going to call Marlene and the police. Tell Tommy to get the car ready because I'll be at his house in five minutes."

Of course, Ellie's social worker is not at all amused by this call at an ungodly hour, but Joel doesn't even let her speak. He makes a real effort to control the anger in his voice as he spits out everything they're going to do and everything he expects her to do before hanging up and dialing the police. He lies and says that the girl called him directly, and that he was able to assure her that she's still held captive in her foster father's home. Then he throws on a hoodie over his pajama shirt and slips on his boots as best he can while stumbling down the stairs.

Sarah is already at the door, dressed as well

"What are you doing? You're staying home," he tells her firmly.

"What? No way! I'm going with you! We have to get Ellie out of there!" Sarah protests fiercely.

"No, Sarah. I'm not going to argue with you. You can't come."

"I'm not going to sit idly by!"

"Honey, you can't come. We don't know what we're going to find."

Sarah angrily wipes away the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I don't want to be alone," she confesses, her voice trembling.

Joel sighs heavily and hugs her. Sarah buries her head in his chest like when she was younger and scared of the monsters under the bed. He wishes he could tell her everything will be alright, but he's just as afraid as she is of what they might find in that damned place.

"Put on your coat. I'll take you to Maria's," he says after kissing her on the head.

Sarah nods quietly and doesn't argue.

By the time they arrive at his brother's house, just five minutes later (Joel has never been more grateful for their decision to move so close to Tommy), the couple is waiting for them on the porch. He doesn't have to say anything because Tommy rushes to start the car as soon as he sees them approach, and Maria hugs Sarah tightly.

"We'll call you as soon as we know anything!" he promises them both, his head out the window as they drive away into the early morning silence.

For the first time in his life, Joel doesn't criticize Tommy's kamikaze instincts behind the wheel. Tommy drives in a way that everything around them blurs into irregular shapes and streaks of color, and Joel just wants to ask him to step on the gas pedal more.

"Stop doing that," Tommy warns suddenly.

"What?"

"Stop torturing yourself. It's not your fault. We've done everything we could since the moment Ellie disappeared. It's not your fault."

But Joel doesn't respond because it is his fault. Totally and completely his. He knew there was something shady about that damn pastor. He knew it from the start. He had seen the physical marks on Ellie's body for months: the strange bruises on her arms, the sunken cheeks from inadequate food, the dark circles from lack of sleep... But he hadn't done anything. He had heard the pleas of a thirteen-year-old girl and hadn't done anything. Some weekends sleeping at their house, a little new clothing, stupid gifts that didn't meet her unmet basic needs... None of that had helped her.

And now Ellie had been missing for two weeks. Of course, neither he nor Sarah ever believed the pastor's version. They knew Ellie hadn't run away. But they were the only ones who believed that. To the rest of the world, she was just a problematic foster girl with a long history of runaways and fights.

"Here we are."

There are already three police cars at the entrance of the property when Tommy parks haphazardly to the side of the road. Joel gets out of the vehicle and rushes towards the gate, not seeing the officer who intercepts him halfway and restrains him.

"My daughter is in there!" he snaps while trying to break free. "I need to get in!"

The police officer says something, but Joel doesn't hear it. His attention is solely on the house in the distance, with all the lights on. He sees figures on the porch, but they're indistinct. There's police tape, like in the movies, halfway down the road. There are people in biohazard suits coming and going, carrying briefcases and a stretcher.

"ELLIE! ELLIE!"

It takes Joel a moment to realize those are his own shouts.

"Joel, it's not her, it's not her, Joel," Tommy holds him back now.

"ELLIE!"

Sirens wail in the distance, and two ambulances appear out of nowhere. Joel tries to take advantage of the commotion of the paramedics by getting out and accessing the property, but he's stopped again when he tries to slip through.

"Keep him under control or we'll have to detain him!" one of the officers threatens Tommy.

The next forty-five minutes are like part of a nightmare. Tommy forces him to stay away from the car, but he refuses to sit and wait. No one tells them what's happening, but the hustle and bustle of people entering and leaving the damn farm doesn't cease, and dawn begins to break as Joel bites the inside of his cheeks out of sheer nervousness, drawing blood.

"JOEL, IT'S ELLIE!"

On a stretcher being pushed by two paramedics.

Joel has a chillingly similar memory from two years ago. Another injured and unconscious girl. Lots of blood.

Now he doesn't care that three police officers are trying to stop him. He can overpower them easily. He reaches the stretcher as the paramedics load her into the ambulance, not even asking for permission as he steps inside and climbs in.

"She's my daughter!" he repeats to the two people staring at him bewilderedly. "I'm going with her!"

He doesn't have time to give Tommy any instructions. He hopes his brother knows what to do. Now only Ellie matters. Seeing her lying there brings back the worst memories of his life. It's like reliving his worst nightmare. The girl barely has her eyes open and doesn't focus, and Joel knows she's not aware of her surroundings.

There's blood everywhere. On her face. In her hair. On her neck. On her clothes.

Too much blood for her not to have received a transfusion already. Joel tries to figure out where it's coming from, but all he sees is a split lip, a cut on her cheek, and a wound at her hairline. She also has bruises all over her face and terrible marks on her neck that Joel sees before they immobilize her with a neck brace. Her right arm is also bandaged.

Joel wants to touch her, but he can't because the paramedics are working. He wants to scream at them to stop and let him be with her. He wants to hold her in his arms and cradle her tightly against his chest until he can shield her from the world. He wants to take away all the pain and suffering and bear it himself.

All he manages to do is brush the back of her hand with his fingertips.

"Everything's going to be okay, kiddo," he promises hoarsely.

***

The next hours at the hospital are chaotic.

 They don't let Joel accompany Ellie into the emergency area, instead keeping him at the counter to fill out endless paperwork about the girl that seems vital to the hospital but trivial to him. All he wants to know is what's happening with his kid.

A social worker, not Marlene, but someone sent in her place, arrives when he's on the brink of losing it all. She carries a copy of his foster license and Ellie's file, and Joel lets out a sigh of relief because he didn't think to grab his folder before leaving home. Now he can justify to all these useless people that Ellie is indeed his daughter. "Foster" is an adjective that seems insignificant to him.

Tommy shows up shortly after, carrying a duffel bag with clothes and toiletries for the girl that, he tells Joel, Maria and Sarah put together. Joel hugs him for a long time, allowing himself the luxury of being comforted by his younger brother for a moment.

The relief lasts until two officers arrive. They have questions for Joel. At the hospital, they give him the privacy of an office, and he thinks they're going to arrest him. It wouldn't surprise him. He blames himself for everything that's happening.

The officers introduce themselves as Velasquez and Dawson. She's nearing fifty and is an imposing, serious woman. He's a few years younger, less intimidating. They want him to recount everything that happened since he received Ellie's call.

Joel decides to tell the truth and confesses that it was Sarah who spoke with the girl and that he decided to lie because he had always suspected her former foster father. The officers exchange a cryptic look but say nothing. Then they have him tell the story from the beginning, so Joel starts by talking about Sarah's accident.

Maybe it's too far back from what them expected to hear, but it's important for him to mark that moment as the origin of everything. So, he tells them about the accident and the months of hospitalization, the high rehabilitation costs, and the need to be close to family to move forward. He tells them how he made the decision to move from Texas to Wyoming so Sarah could be near her cousins, and how much she hated him for the first few weeks for uprooting her from the only life she had known until then.

He explains how Ellie came into their lives thanks to the task in which the science teacher paired her with Sarah. They had to do a project on the Mesozoic era. Dinosaurs. Jesus, Ellie loves those creatures. She knows everything about them.

Joel tells the officers that, at first, Ellie and Sarah couldn't stand each other. It's funny because now they're inseparable. They're sisters. He wants to emphasize that, so it sticks with them. Ellie and Sarah are sisters.

Sarah was new to a small high school where everyone had known each other since kindergarten, and Ellie was the troubled foster girl the pastor had agreed to take care of to save her from a life of crime, so neither of them was particularly popular. That's what brought them together.

Joel talks about how he used to see Ellie walking in the mornings to get to school (her foster home was on the opposite end of town, in an isolated place not reached by the bus route) and how he started picking her up to take her to the nearest bus stop to save her almost an hour of walking. That led to making stops at Tess's café to grab something for breakfast once he realized the girl was leaving home on an empty stomach. Then Ellie started having dinner at their house because that's where she returned with Sarah after school. He would drive her back to the farm afterward, but he always left her at a curve before reaching the entrance because the preacher didn't approve of the friendship between the two girls or Ellie's relationship with her family.

Some nights she would stay over, and she and Sarah would build a fort in the living room with sheets, cushions, and mattresses. It became customary at family gatherings with Maria, Tommy, and the kids. She liked playing with Kevin. When Brianna was born, she would spend hours gazing at her sleeping.

Joel wants to make it clear that Ellie has been part of the family for months. He has spent a lot of time trying to get the foster license to bring her home and free her from that preacher who gave him a bad feeling. He tells them how many times he saw Ellie with bruises, the awkward accident on the day of the spring dance when the preacher dragged her away from the place, and the days that passed until they saw her again, much more evasive and quiet. He talks about the absurd routines to which the man subjected her and all their suspicions of abuse.

"The girl's history is very different from what you're saying, Mr. Miller, are you aware of that?" Agent Velasquez asks.

"It's all bullshit" Joel snaps with tense jaws. "Ellie has been in the system since birth, and no one has ever cared for her as she deserves."

"Fights with other children, disobedience, escape attempts, attacks against authority…" Velasquez lists without getting flustered, despite Joel feeling his chest burn with anger. "She was the only person present at the death of her foster sister, Riley Abel."

"What the hell…? What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything. I'm just pointing out a series of facts. Mr. Miller, your foster daughter has a troubled past, and given tonight's situation, we have to rule out that…"

"What situation? The girl was kidnapped! That psycho made up that she had escaped and had her locked up! She's in the damn hospital! Why the hell aren't you questioning him?"

"David Gacy is dead, Mr. Miller."

***

If Ellie is asleep, it's solely because of the sedatives they've given her. Joel doesn't know how long he's been silently watching her from the chair next to her bed, but it might have been hours. Watching her chest rise and fall in sync with her breathing is the only thing keeping him from losing his mind.

According to the report the doctors gave him, Ellie is okay, or at least as okay as a fourteen-year-old can be after two weeks of captivity in a damp, windowless cell, subjected to the whims of a psychopath who repeatedly inflicted physical punishments on her. In addition to the bruises scattered indiscriminately across her body, she has two broken ribs and a sprained ankle. The worst is the wound on her arm. The bite. A damn bite that tore off part of her skin so brutally they had to graft it to heal. It seems the pastor did it just hours before they rescued her, maybe in the middle of the fight that ended with his head smashed to pieces.

Joel doesn't want to label it as a fight, but that's the word the police used. A fight implies equality between the two parties, and Ellie is just a scrawny kid for anyone to think she's a match for an adult man. But somehow, she managed to bash his head in with a machete, and all Joel regrets is not being the one to kill him. He doesn't even want to imagine the hell the girl had to go through to reach that point, or what it will mean for her emotional stability when she wakes up and processes what happened. From what they've told him, the police identified the corpse through his fingerprints.

Now the police are inspecting the preacher's farm to gather evidence, but Joel doesn't want to know anything about that for now. His main concern is for Ellie to see him by her side when she wakes up. To know that he's there, that he's been looking for her all this time. He knows how much hospitals upset her.

"A coffee, Texas?"

Joel turns his head to the door to find Tess standing there holding two plastic to-go cups. She's not wearing her diner uniform, just dark jeans and a military green shirt.

"What are you…?"

"Sarah called me this morning, as soon as she found out Ellie was here. Poor thing was very upset. I managed to switch a couple of shifts at the bar, and I figured you wouldn't turn down a good coffee. It's the real deal, not that crap they put in the waiting room machines."

"God, Tess…"

Joel doesn't need to say anything more. The woman sets the two coffees aside and approaches him to hug him. Joel doesn't even stand up. He buries his face in Tess and lets her wrap him in her thin but strong arms. He hugs her perhaps more roughly than he should, but right now he needs to feel something that ties him to reality. He inhales her scent of freshly brewed coffee, which is already so familiar to him.

"How is she? What do the doctors say?"

Joel moves away enough to see Tess looking at Ellie with the saddest expression he's ever seen. He slumps his shoulders dejectedly, and she massages the tension from his neck with one hand.

"She'll recover physically, but what that bastard did to her… God, Tess…"

"She's not alone. She won't be alone."

"No, of course not."

***

What Joel likes most about Tess is that there are no awkward silences with her. She sits down beside him and doesn't open her mouth again, but Joel doesn't feel the need to keep up a conversation either. He doesn't have the strength for it. However, her mere presence soothes him enough to gather the courage to step out for a few minutes to make some phone calls. First, he talks to Tommy, who tells him that the FBI is already involved in the investigation of the farm. Apparently, they've found quite a lot of compelling evidence of the kidnapping. Joel doesn't want to know the details yet, but Tommy mentions something about a cage.

"I know they've found something else, but they're not saying yet. María is trying to find out. As soon as she knows, I'll call you or send you a message."

Then he calls Sarah, who picks up the phone instantly:

"Has she woken up yet? How is she?"

"Not yet, sweetheart. The doctors say she needs rest and she's still sedated. I promise you'll be the first to know when she wakes up."

"When can I go see her?"

"It's still early, baby girl."

"But I want to see her now."

"I know, sweetheart. You'll have all the time in the world to be together when she gets out of here."

"Are you sure about that? Are they going to let her come home with us? Has Marlene assured you? Dad, you can't let them take her away…"

"I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen, Sarah. Ellie is part of our family, her place is with us."

After that, his next call is to Marlene. Joel doesn't even let her finish the sentence before he starts talking about the possibility of finding a specialized center to treat her when she's discharged from the hospital.

"The girl is coming with us, Marlene. I'm not discussing that. I have custody of her."

"Joel, we don't know the condition she's in…"

"Cut the crap. Do you really think the best thing for Ellie is to go to another place full of strangers? What the hell do you have against her? Her room has been ready for weeks. Her sister is waiting for her at home. I'm not going to argue with you about this, I'm just going to inform you of what's going to happen. And if it's not, I swear I'll go to the ends of the earth if necessary to tell anyone who will listen everything that happened. You sent her to that predator's house, the least you can do for her is make sure she's in a better place."

And then he hangs up without giving her time to respond. He doesn't want to waste time with her.

***

It's not until almost dinnertime that Ellie begins to wake up. Joel has been glued to the armchair for hours. Tess was here until recently, but she had to leave for work. Still, her phone vibrates every now and then with messages from her wanting to stay informed. He alternates between chatting with Tommy and Sarah.

In fact, he's texting his daughter when he realizes that Ellie is trying to move. First, it's her uninjured hand, feeling around the bed surface as if trying to figure out where she is. Then it's her gesture, contracting in an attempt to open her eyes.

"Hey, kiddo, easy…" Joel says.

Ellie squirms uncomfortably. She mutters something incomprehensible and tries to remove first the cannula and then the IV from her hand. Joel stops her as gently as he can and presses the call button insistently for a nurse.

"Calm down, kiddo, calm down. You're safe. You're in the hospital…"

"No! No! Let go! No! Let go!"

Ellie opens her eyes, but she doesn't focus. The terror on her face is absolute. It's easy to understand that she can't place herself. At that moment, a nurse enters, and as soon as she sees Ellie's state, she rushes towards her and makes him step back a couple of steps. Joel agonizingly witnesses how she calls another colleague before starting to manipulate the IV drip and holding her shoulders to keep her from moving. Another nurse arrives within seconds, and between the two of them, they manage to stop Ellie from trembling, but she still has the same vacant look.

"It's okay, Ellie. You're in the hospital. My name is Macie, she's Heather. We're your nurses, okay? You're safe. You have an IV and a bandaged arm. Do you follow me?" one of the nurses, the older one, says.

Ellie finally locks her green eyes on her, and although her expression of terror doesn't change, Joel sees that she's finally starting to process what's happening around her. The nurse brushes her hair away from her face and continues speaking to her gently:

"We've increased the dose of the sedative, so it's normal if you feel like you're floating. You can go back to sleep if you want. Your dad is here with you too."

"Da…dad...?" Ellie's voice sounds extremely hoarse.

The nurse steps aside so she can see him, and Joel feels a bit useless standing there with his hands crossed over his chest while Ellie assimilates his presence. Suddenly, the girl's eyes widen, and in an instant, they fill with tears. Joel doesn't hesitate to approach the edge, even if it means pushing the other nurse a little, and placing a hand on her head.

"Hey, hey, kiddo, it's okay. I'm here. You're here with me, okay? You're safe."

"Jo...Jo-el, Joel..." the girl sobs.

Ellie raises her bandaged arm and urgently stretches her fingers towards him. Joel bends down enough for her to touch his face. Ellie pats every inch of his face while still crying. Joel places his hand over hers and gives it a gentle squeeze because he doesn't want to hurt her.

"You're safe," he repeats. He doesn't mind having to say it a thousand times more if that's what it takes to penetrate her subconscious. "You're with me. I'm so sorry, kiddo, I'm so sorry... We haven't stopped looking for you, I swear. Not for a second."

"Joel..." Ellie calls him again, and her fingers dig into his skin as if she wants to cling to him, but it doesn't hurt him because the girl barely has the strength to hurt him.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise you, baby girl."

***

Ellie doesn't open her eyes again until the following morning. Joel has slept poorly in the chair next to her bed, and at that moment, he has a terrible backache, but he doesn't even feel entitled to complain. He has talked to Tommy to make sure Sarah is okay, and then he has been questioned again by the agents who want Ellie to make a statement when she wakes up. Fortunately, he has Maria, who has put on her lawyer's suit again after years of working for the Jackson City Hall, to advise him.

"Joel?" Ellie's voice is barely a hoarse whisper, but enough to make him look up from his cell phone.

"Ellie! Careful, kiddo. Don't move," Joel slides to the edge of the bed and tucks a strand of hair falling over her forehead behind her ear.

Ellie turns her neck to look around, scrutinizing every corner of the room with her eyes trying to figure out where she is.

"Do you remember anything?"

The girl furrows her brow.

"He left the door open and I... Sarah... I called Sarah... But then he... Oh, shit, shit," Ellie squeezes her eyes shut and clenches and unclenches her fists with frustration.

"It's okay, it's okay. That's enough. Now you're in the hospital," Joel tentatively strokes her forehead and Ellie seems not to mind, so he continues.

"I called Sarah," the girl repeats, now staring at him intently with her green eyes.

"You did," Joel confirms.

"I called Sarah," Ellie insists, and Joel doesn't understand what she's trying to express.

Ellie shifts a bit in bed and tilts her head over her right shoulder. With her left hand, she touches the bandage on her right forearm and then slowly runs her fingers over her neck and face, as if taking stock of her injuries.

"He said you'd never find me..." she murmurs, more like she's speaking to herself than to Joel. "He said he'd cut me into tiny pieces and no one would ever find me. But you... you found me..."

Joel struggles to swallow the lump forming in his throat. He grips the bed rail to control the tremor in his hands and nods as he blinks rapidly to contain the tears.

"We knew you hadn't escaped. We haven't stopped looking for you. Everyone at home is eager to see you: Sarah, Tommy, Maria, Kevin, Brianna... Tess has been here too."

"Home..." Ellie repeats almost in a whisper.

"Yes, kiddo, home."

The girl sighs deeply and closes her eyes again. Joel cups her cheek with the palm of his hand, and she rests the weight of her head on it. She falls asleep again, lulled by the man's caresses.

***

Sarah is persistent enough for Joel to agree to let her visit Ellie two days after her admission. Maria takes her after lunch while Tommy stays home with the kids.

"God, Ellie!"

His daughter is a blur of color racing through the room at lightning speed to throw herself onto the hospital bed where her friend lies.

"Sarah, be careful with her ribs!" Joel warns in vain, because Sarah is already hugging her tightly around the neck, tote bag slung over her shoulder.

Fortunately, the other girl doesn't seem bothered. She returns the hug eagerly, and for a good while, the two girls stay like that. Sarah sobs incomprehensible words, and Ellie responds with muffled sounds because her head is buried in Sarah's neck. Finally, when they've both turned into a fountain of tears and snot, Sarah pulls back to give her room to breathe.

"I'm so happy you're here, Ellie," she assures her, her voice trembling.

"Me too," her friend agrees with a smile.

It's the first one Joel has seen on her face in days. Something warm seems to spill into his chest.

"I'm going to step out for a moment. Ellie needs rest, Sarah, don't bother her too much."

"Come on, old man, leave us alone," his daughter teases, but she quickly hugs him before he leaves.

Maria is waiting outside for the room to calm down a bit before going in to see Ellie. Joel greets her with a hug that she returns instantly.

"Thanks for bringing Sarah," he tells her.

"You know it's nothing. I wanted to see how Ellie was doing too," Maria shakes her head.

"She's... She'll be okay. But it's still early."

Joel rubs his eyes with one hand to keep the tears at bay. He's been making a titanic effort not to fall apart for days. He has to stay strong for the girls.

"I don't need to say it, but you know Tommy and I consider Ellie our niece, right? Whatever you need us to do, we'll do," Maria reminds him.

"I know, I know, thank you," his voice breaks at the end with gratitude, and Joel clears his throat.

"I hope you don't mind, but I've talked to Ellie's social worker and with the FBI as her lawyer. I can pass on the contact of some very good colleagues to you, but I think I can be of use if..."

"Maria. Thank you," Joel cuts her off with relief and sincerity.

He's willing to spend whatever it takes on good lawyers to help Ellie. He doesn't want to involve his brother and sister-in-law more than necessary, but the fact that she's decided to step up and personally take care of the matter lifts a weight off his shoulders. He trusts no one more than he trusts Maria to help Ellie.

"Dad!" Sarah's head pokes out of the room's door. Joel's heart jumps in his chest. However, when he turns to look at his daughter, what he finds are her pleading eyes as a prelude to something she wants to ask him: "Ellie would really like some ice cream."

Joel opens his mouth to say something, but he closes it when he realizes he doesn't have any argument good enough to refuse. Maria puts a hand on his arm and gives it a squeeze before volunteering to go get it:

"I'll be right back with ice cream for my favorite girls," the woman announces.

Joel makes a move to reach for his wallet in his pants pocket, but Maria stops him with an affectionate squeeze.

"I've got this."

"Thank you," he says for the third time.

"You're the best, Aunt Maria!" Sarah praises her before disappearing back into the hospital room.

"Go with them, I'll be back soon," his sister-in-law encourages him.

Joel doesn't have to think twice about it.

Ellie has propped herself up in bed, almost sitting, leaning against the pillow. She still has a waxen complexion from the lack of vitamin D, and Joel still finds it hard to look at her without his gaze drifting to the bruises scattered across her face, but for the first time since she was taken from the reverend's house, she has a lively sparkle in her eyes. Sarah has made herself a spot at the foot of the bed, sitting with her legs crossed and her body leaning toward the other girl. Joel suppresses the urge to tell her to get down and not bother Ellie because he knows they both need to be close to feel okay.

"You shouldn't have bothered your aunt," Ellie is saying to Sarah with remorse.

"Our aunt doesn't mind, don't worry," the girl contradicts her firmly.

Joel wants to hug her and tell her he's proud of her, but he holds back and just gives her a kiss on the forehead and a squeeze on Ellie's hand (if it were up to him, he'd cover her face with kisses and hug her until his arms went numb, but the girl still reacts with fear to physical contact and he doesn't want to pressure her) before sitting in his by-now familiar companion chair.

"Tess took me to Target yesterday and you won't believe what we got for your bed," Sarah tells Ellie with a smile. "You know what? I better not tell you, you'll see it when you come home."

Joel feels a pang of guilt in his chest upon hearing the information because he didn't know Tess and Sarah had been together the day before. The hospital has absorbed him so much that life outside of it has become foreign. He has no idea what Sarah has been doing all that time. The most rational part of his brain urges him to calm down because she has been with her family and Tess the whole time, and Joel trusts the three adults blindly to take care of her, but he's her father, and he should know what his fifteen-year-old daughter does when he's not around.

"You shouldn't have gone to so much trouble for me," Ellie murmurs, embarrassed.

"But you know I love the home section at Target," Sarah replies to downplay it.

Ellie shrugs and sinks a little deeper into the pillow. Joel notices she's making an effort not to close her eyes, and he's about to ask Sarah to leave her alone when he realizes his daughter is stroking Ellie's knee above the sheet with one hand while she keeps talking about inconsequential things to keep her entertained. The younger one ends up succumbing to sleep in a matter of minutes. Sarah smiles satisfactorily with her intervention and gets off the bed carefully not to wake her up.

Joel doesn't even have time to say anything before Sarah rushes to his lap. He doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her and let her snuggle against his chest. It's been so many years already that Sarah is too old to cuddle with him that Joel almost forgot what it was like.

"I can't believe we found her," the girl murmurs against his shirt, letting out a long sigh.

"She's safe now," Joel plants a kiss on her forehead, and Sarah relaxes her shoulders with the contact.

For a while, neither of them says anything. Sarah's face is buried in the hollow of his neck, so Joel can't see her. Even so, from her breathing, he knows she's awake. He draws lazy circles on her arm with the tips of his fingers and inhales the scent of her coconut shampoo more times than would be considered normal.

Ellie sleeps more relaxed than Joel has seen her so far. He knows the calm won't last, and difficult months lie ahead. (He doesn't want to think about years). Soon, Ellie will have to undergo FBI interrogation and relive the horror of her captivity. They will ask her questions about what she did (what she was forced to do), and Joel knows there will be those who want to blame her for her actions.

Ellie doesn't wake up until Maria returns with ice cream for the girls. No one has told her anything, but she brings their favorite flavors. Joel thanks her with a look because there's not much he can say without his voice trembling.

Ellie manages to eat less than half of hers, but when she can't eat anymore, she gives it to Joel to finish. Of course, Ellie is the kind of person who thinks Rocky Road is the best ice cream in the world.

"When will she be discharged?" Sarah asks him and Maria.

"I don't know yet, honey. The doctors want to run some tests," Joel replies.

What he doesn't tell her is that the FBI wants to interrogate her before letting her go because he hasn't talked to Ellie about it yet, and he doesn't know how she'll take it. What happened at the reverend's farm is something that hangs over them but hasn't been mentioned yet.

"I can't wait for you to come home," Sarah tells Ellie. "You're going to love your room."

Ellie smiles shyly but avoids looking at her. Joel knows her well enough to know she's starting to feel overwhelmed.

"I think it's time for you to go home, Sarah. Ellie needs to rest," he tells his daughter.

Sarah pouts but doesn't protest. She leans in to hug the other girl, and although Ellie doesn't return the hug, her expression relaxes momentarily when she rests her head on Sarah's shoulder.

"Thanks for coming."

"Don't mention it. I know how boring a hospital room can be, especially if you're stuck here with him," Sarah points at Joel with her head. Ellie manages a shy smile at the joke.

"I'm excellent company, young lady."

"Whatever you say. Ellie, I left you a bunch of those comics you like. The guy at the store said they were the latest ones, so I guess you haven't read them."

Sarah empties the contents of the tote bag she's carrying onto Ellie's lap, and several issues of Savage Starlight fall out. The younger girl's eyes widen when she sees them, and her gaze travels from her friend to the comics and back.

"It's too much, Sarah, I can't..."

"Don't you dare finish that sentence. This crap costs the same as a cheap nail polish, I haven't bankrupted myself. And half of them were paid for by my dad, although he still doesn't know it."

"I can stay if you want to go home and rest for a bit," Maria offers when she sees him stifling a yawn. "You know I don't mind."

"No, no. Take Sarah home and make sure she eats and sleeps well for me," Joel refuses. "I'm fine."

***

The girl wakes up from a nightmare at midnight, and Joel knows because he himself can't sleep. He's draped with a blanket from home that someone brought him (he's not sure if it was Tommy, or Maria, or perhaps Sarah. It might even have been Tess) because hospitals are damn cold (they always are, it's one of the things he hates most about them). Ellie is well wrapped up. He made sure of that. He doesn't want to think about the nights of cold and dampness in that damn basement, but he won't let her feel it ever again.

He sees the girl trying to orient herself in space, looking around for something recognizable, and when she realizes that he's still in the same place as a few hours ago, the muscles in her furrowed brow relax slightly.

"What time is it?" she asks in a hoarse voice.

"A little past twelve," he replies, taking a quick glance at his watch.

The room is illuminated only by the lights from the hallway filtering through the frosted glass window behind Joel.

"You should go. Sarah doesn't like sleeping alone at home," Ellie indicates.

"Sarah is in good company, don't worry about her," Joel retorts. "How do you feel? Do you need me to call the nurses?"

"No! I don't want them to give me more damn drugs, they mess with my head," Ellie vehemently refuses.

"They're to help with the pain. You don't have to suffer, kiddo."

"I can handle it. I don't want that crap," the girl insists.

Joel debates whether to insist a little or let it be. He opts for the latter because she doesn't seem too sore (it's only been a few hours since that nurse, Macie, came by the room to increase her painkiller dose a bit).

"You should go back to sleep, you need to rest," he advises her.

He leans forward a bit to tuck the bed sheets in properly, and that's enough for Ellie to shrink back in fear. It's a very slight movement, and possibly under different circumstances, it might have gone unnoticed, but now it pierces Joel's chest.

"I'm going to straighten your sheets," he explains, trying to control the tone and volume of his voice to make it sound soft and unconcerned. He shows her his hands so she can see them.

Ellie hesitates before nodding. Joel acts quickly and returns to his chair.

"Joel..."

The head of the bed is inclined and slightly raised, so Ellie isn't completely horizontal. She's covered up to her shoulders, but her hand with the IV line, not the one with the bandaged forearm, is outside. The bruises on her face are starting to turn yellow around the edges, and they've been warned that once the initial swelling goes down, the bruises will spread. Joel would do anything to spare her that.

"Tell me, kiddo."

"What's going to happen?"

Ellie turned fourteen in June. It's now almost October, so it really hasn't been that long since she was only thirteen. Compared to Sarah, who has always been tall for her age, Ellie is still hoping for a growth spurt that may never come. In the last few months, her cheeks have stopped being so sunken, and her arms so skeletal, thanks to Tess's hearty breakfasts and Tommy's good hand in the kitchen, but she's lost some weight again in the last two weeks. The thing is, in that bed, with all those medical devices around her and her face full of bruises, Joel just wants to promise her that nothing bad will happen. That he'll take her home and she'll be able to watch all the space movies in the world, that next summer they'll go to Florida and visit Disneyworld and Cape Canaveral, that she can have two desserts if she wants after every meal. He wants to promise her that they'll bury everything that happened in the deepest hole of forgetfulness and that they'll never have to talk about it again, that he'll do everything possible to erase her memories and prevent her nightmares.

But he knows he can't.

He also knows that Ellie would never believe him.

"When you're discharged, we'll go home. Marlene knows it and we have her approval."

"And then? What will they do with me? W-when... After what I've done..."

Joel gently takes her hand, which is folded across her chest. Ellie tries to control the trembling of her chin, but it's in vain. She pulls her other arm out from under the sheets to rub her eyes and avoid the tears. Joel stops her just before she does because he knows she's not considering the bruises on her face.

"Step by step. We'll go home, and Sarah will show you how your room turned out, and you'll finish decorating it however you like. And you'll recover. And we adults will take care of the rest."

"But I did something horrible..." Ellie's voice is barely a whisper.

"No, you didn't," Joel replies firmly. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Nothing. Something horrible happened to you, and you defended yourself. Ellie, kiddo, I want you to listen carefully to me, and I intend to repeat it as many times as necessary: none of what happened is your fault. Absolutely nothing. You're the victim. You're a good girl and you deserve good things, and..."

"If I go to jail, can I write to you?" the girl interrupts, her voice trembling.

"You're not going to jail, Ellie."

"I could go. They could judge me as an adult. I know how these things work."

"Maria won't allow it. She's doing everything she can to end this soon."

"Maria isn't... Maria can't..." Ellie closes her eyes and sighs deeply.

"It's very late, kiddo. The best thing you can do now is sleep. I'll be here if you need anything," he says gently.

"Promise me I can write to you if I go to jail..." Ellie repeats, opening her eyes a bit and fighting against tiredness.

"You're not going to jail."

"Joel, promise me..."

"Kiddo, in the unlikely, remote, and absurd event that you were to go to jail... I would move heaven and earth to get you out of there, and in the meantime, I would find a job inside to be with you every day. And Tommy and I would build a house right next door to be as close to you as possible, okay? You're part of the family, Ellie. We're in this together."

Joel doesn't withdraw his hand from hers, and Ellie doesn't move it either. The girl succumbs to exhaustion and closes her eyes. It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep. Joel holds her hand for hours.

***

Ellie sleeps so deeply that Joel fears she may have suffered some kind of brain injury that they haven't been able to detect, but the nurses assure him that it's normal in her situation, that the best way for her body to recover is to conserve as much energy as possible.

Tommy is the one who maintains direct contact with the FBI, and who reluctantly keeps him updated on the investigation. Now they know that Ellie was locked in a room in the basement behind a false bookshelf, and that the son of a bitch made her sleep inside a cage where she couldn't stand up. They've taken pictures of the place, but Joel doesn't dare to look at them because he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep his sanity.

On the fifth day of her admission, the doctor says she's ready to go home, and the FBI says she's ready to be interrogated. Joel disagrees with both statements, but he has to swallow his objections because Ellie's future hangs by a thread, and Maria has already warned him about it.

Tess is the one who helps Ellie get dressed during one of her breaks from the diner. The girl is still quite sore and struggles to lift her arms above her head, and the sprained ankle prevents her from putting weight on her foot.

"Cool jacket, kiddo," Joel compliments when he sees her dressed.

Ellie gives him a shy but genuine smile. Tess has given her a bomber jacket covered in NASA patches. Joel has no idea where she got it, but it made Ellie relax her brow for the first time all day, so he doesn't question it.

"It's freaking amazing, isn't it?"

"Absolutely."

The doctor arrives a while later for the final instructions before discharge. Ellie is already sitting in a wheelchair (it took a lot of convincing to get her to use one instead of a pair of crutches) with more desire to leave than to listen to the healthcare provider. Joel memorizes all the instructions, suggestions, and medication guidelines the man gives them, and notes them down on his cell phone just to make sure.

"I hope Sarah didn't go overboard with the welcome party she wanted to throw you, but yesterday I had to convince her that buying a rocket-shaped scale balloon wasn't as good an idea as she thought," Tess comments when the three of them are in the car.

Getting to it has been more difficult than Joel had initially thought because as they left the hospital, the nurses came out to say goodbye to Ellie and wish her luck.

"A party? No, I don't... Joel doesn't..." Joel sees Ellie panic in the rearview mirror.

"Hey, hey, kiddo, it's okay. Sarah knows that what you need right now is peace."

Ellie squirms uncomfortably in the back seat but doesn't say anything else. Joel steals fleeting glances at her from time to time to make sure she's okay. He sees Tess, who is sitting beside him, has a hand on her knee to reassure her.

The hospital isn't too far, so in just twenty minutes, Joel is parking the car in the driveway of his house. Even before he turns off the engine, the front door of the house swings open and Sarah comes out to greet them. She's followed by their aunt, uncle and cousins, and Tess's son is there too. Joel can see Ellie tense up at the sight of so many people waiting for her. He's about to tell her that she can kick them out at any moment for her sake when his eldest daughter interrupts the scene:

"Welcome home, Ellie!"

Sarah opens the back door of the car to hug Ellie. The girl responds with a bit less enthusiasm, but Sarah doesn't seem to mind.

"Sarah, give her some space," Joel asks affectionately.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry, Ellie, sorry. I didn't mean to overwhelm you, but I'm just so happy you're finally home," Sarah apologizes.

"It's okay, I'm not... It's okay," Ellie accepts with a nod.

Then, the girl tries to get out of the car on her own, despite having her ankle bandaged and the doctor's advice not to put weight on it for at least another two weeks. Fortunately, Tess stops her before she can touch the ground.

"Don't even think about it, sister."

Ellie mumbles an incomprehensible protest, but Joel is already by her side to carry her.

"I guess I'll have to get my crutches out again," Sarah remarks.

"Take Ellie's things from the trunk and bring them inside, please, honey," Joel asks.

The rest of the family contains their excitement and waits for them on the porch. Ellie, who has no escape in Joel's arms, accepts the welcome with a shy and tired smile. Joel leads her to the living room (if it were up to him, he would take her straight to her new room and let her sleep until the next day). Ellie settles on the couch.

"There's pizza and nuggets and fries!" Kevin informs her, excited. "The nuggets are dinosaur-shaped, El!"

"That... that's awesome, buddy," Ellie manages a faint smile.

"Isn't it? I picked them because I knew you'd like them, and mom said we had to eat things you like," the boy explains simply.

"Thanks, dude. That’s really nice," Ellie thanks him again.

Kevin smiles from ear to ear and then runs off, possibly to inform his mother of the menu's good reception.

Everyone is considerate enough not to make a ruckus. Even the children contain their usual boundless energy to sit and eat relatively quietly. Maria brings Brianna to Ellie for her to hold. The baby is five months old and is at the stage where she's starting to be aware of her surroundings and recognize faces. When her big honey-colored eyes spot Ellie, she starts cooing happily and reaching her little hands towards her.

"She remembers me!" the girl exclaims, amazed.

"Of course she remembers you," Maria encourages. "You're possibly the one she pays most attention to."

Ellie gets lost in fascination with the baby, so much so that she barely pays attention to her surroundings. She pets and caresses her, plays peek-a-boo to make her burst into laughter. Sarah, beside her, tries to get her cousin's attention too, but the baby seems to only have eyes for Ellie.

"Ugh, I hope she doesn't come to me later when she wants to go shopping," Sarah says, feigning offense.

"You'll go to her and drag her to the mall," Ellie retorts.

"Maybe. Someone has to dress her up in bows and pink, and it's not going to be those two," Sarah points to her father and uncle, who are tucked away in a corner devouring a slice of pizza.

"I've seen pictures of you with bows and pink," Ellie retorts.

"Well, I was a persuasive child," Sarah shrugs.

Joel watches as Ellie eats at least half a slice of pizza and two nuggets, considering it an achievement given her lack of appetite during her hospital stay. He knows all too well that medication and trauma are not the best company when it comes to stimulating appetite.

"If you get hungry later, just let me know," he instructs firmly, but tries not to sound too desperate.

Ellie has always had issues with food, hunger, and the stupid belief (instilled by a system that has mistreated her) that asking for more is ungrateful. Joel has experienced going to bed with an empty stomach more than once in his childhood, and he knows what it's like to wake up with nothing but a slice of bread to get through the day. When Sarah was born, he promised himself that his daughter would never experience the same thing. He can't say the same for Ellie, but at least he's certain that her stomach won't growl with hunger again.

In the late afternoon, with two pizzas and half of the three they had gone through, only the most boring-shaped nuggets (according to Kevin and seconded by Ellie) remain, and Brianna begins to get fussy, Tommy and Maria decide it's time to head home.

"We're just across the street if you need anything," Tommy reminds his brother on their farewell. "Call me no matter what."

"We need to talk tomorrow about Ellie and the FBI interview," Maria tells him quietly so the kids don't hear. "She'll have to do it as soon as possible, but there's nothing to worry about. I'll tell you more about how the investigation is progressing."

Kevin resists leaving a little, and only when Ellie promises him that she'll still be there the next time he visits, does he agree to take his mother's hand to leave.

Shortly after his brother's family leaves, and while leaning against the door frame of the living room, Joel feels a hand on his waist and a chin resting on his shoulder. He doesn't need to turn around to know it's Tess because her scent gives her away. Joel thinks it's stupid how much he can like someone's smell, but he does. It's a mixture of coffee and warm pancakes, and the vanilla cologne she sometimes wears.

"Teddy was looking forward to seeing her, but I didn't want to take him to the hospital to avoid overwhelming her," she explains in a low voice so only he can hear when she follows his gaze and realizes he's watching the three kids in the living room.

Ellie is still on the couch, reclining in a corner. Sarah is beside her with her legs crossed and a cushion in her lap. Teddy sits on the coffee table in front of them. The three of them talk about something that the two adults don't quite understand, but their faces are relaxed.

Tess's hand disappears with the same discretion with which it arrived the instant the kids notice them and turn to look.

"What are you looking at, oldies?" Teddy has his mother's sarcasm in his veins, but the tone of his voice is warm and the term is filled with affection.

"Have I raised you as a savage to go sitting on other people's furniture?" his mother reproaches him without malice.

"It's the only place there is!"

"Are you blind?" Sarah takes the opportunity to stir the pot and pats the empty space beside her.

"That's narrow and I didn't want to squeeze Ellie," Teddy sulks.

"It's okay, Ted. You can sit wherever you want," Joel concedes.

He pretends not to notice the look Sarah gives him. For weeks, the girl has been needling him, saying he makes too much effort to win the boy's favor. Joel doesn't agree. He just wants to be kind to Tess's son because he likes the kid (and he also likes his mother):

"Anyway, it's time to go. I have to be at work in an hour and you have homework to do," Tess resolves, moving away from Joel and approaching her son.

Teddy grumbles a protest, but he stands up to grab their jackets.

"He can stay if he wants. There's leftover pizza and we have time to watch a movie," Joel offers, looking at Tess.

She smiles at him affectionately but shakes her head.

"We've already taken advantage of your hospitality too much, and someone has to finish a certain Science assignment," someone huffs as they catch the hint.

She puts on the jacket that her son hands her and says goodbye to the girls. Sarah offers her a hug that she returns without hesitation (and they say something to each other that Joel can't quite hear) and fist bumps Ellie.

"See you soon, I suppose," Teddy tells them as his mother puts an arm around his shoulders to guide her towards the door. "I want to read those comics when you're done, Ellie."

"Sure," the girl says.

"Thanks for everything," Joel holds Tess gently by the elbow to make her stop. "Thanks for taking care of my daughter while I wasn't here. Thanks for changing your work shifts and juggling to help me with Ellie. Thanks for being exactly what the girls need right now."

"Don't even mention it, Texas," she responds with an affectionate squeeze of his hand. "We'll keep in touch."

When the Servopoulos family leaves and the three of them are finally alone, Joel feels a strange peace. His brother and sister-in-law have picked up almost everything, so there's not much to do. The girls are still sprawled out on the couch, with Sarah leaning on Ellie's outstretched legs. They've turned on the TV and are channel surfing, although Joel can see clearly how Ellie struggles to keep her eyes open.

"How about you guys put on your pajamas and we watch a movie while we finish the pizza?" he suggests.

"Wow, pizza for lunch and dinner? Make a wish, Ellie, this doesn't happen every day," Sarah jokes as she sits up.

The other girl chuckles quietly.

"... the investigation into the murder of David Gacy, pastor and foster father... Sources close to the FBI assure that the remains found in the freezers are human..."

"Turn that off! Sarah!" he didn't mean to shout at her like that, but it's the only thing he can think of to get the girls to look away from the TV.

His daughter looks at him with a hurt expression.

"I don't have the remote!"

"... he is suspected to have been involved in the disappearance of Hannah White..." the reporter continues.

Joel strides across the room and abruptly turns off the television. He hadn't even considered for a second that this would have made it to the news, but it doesn't seem far-fetched considering Jackson is a small town, and everyone knew the damned preacher one way or another. He doesn't know if his brother has overlooked telling him, or if genuinely he didn't know either.

When he turns to the girls, Ellie has a pale face and glassy eyes.

"Ellie..." he begins gently so as not to startle her.

Joel doesn't know whether to say something or let the moment pass, and he ends up opting for the latter because he feels his own head spinning. He wouldn't know what to say.

The girl shakes her head and clears her throat. When she speaks, she manages to mask the tremor in her voice admirably.

"I want to see the bedroom now."

She says 'the bedroom' and not 'my bedroom,' as if they hadn't repeated it countless times in the past few days. Hers and hers alone. Joel wishes it were bigger (it's almost half the size of Sarah's) and had better orientation, but whoever designed the house did so with a small back studio or even a possible dressing room in mind. Still, since they got the green light from social services to take the girl in, Sarah has put all her effort and good intentions into making it a cozy place for Ellie.

He tries to pick up Ellie to carry her upstairs, but the girl insists on doing it on her own. In the end, he relents to let Sarah help a bit by supporting part of her weight.

"Look at us, what a pair of cripples," Sarah jokes when both of them struggle to climb the stairs.

"Olympic champions of the hundred meters," Ellie mumbles.

From the look on the girl's face as soon as they enter the bedroom, Joel knows they got it right.

There's a wall that, according to the paint can they bought, is astronaut blue. The curtains have stars and planets in blue tones, and the bedspread has the NASA logo. Sarah is especially proud of the latter acquisition, and she smiles from ear to ear when Ellie is surprised.

"Tess and I left you some new clothes in the closet, but I think we'll go shopping when you're feeling better so you can choose what you like," Sarah explains. "But at least you have some pajamas and comfortable things for around the house."

Ellie doesn't hear her because she's captivated by a low shelf they've placed as a nightstand. There's a rocket-shaped lamp and a couple of action figures from that comic series she likes. Joel saw them days before her disappearance in a store window and thought they would make a good welcome gift.

"I don't know what to say..." she confesses.

"You don't have to say anything, kiddo," Joel reassures her. "This is yours."

***

"... you can't be sure..."

"... my dad would never allow it..."

 "... it's easy to relocate me somewhere else..."

"... this is your place..."

Joel knows he shouldn't be listening to the girls' conversation, but he does it anyway. His feet seem glued to the floor behind the partially open door of Sarah's bedroom. He got up to go to the bathroom, and now he can't move. It's not the time for them to be awake, nor does he know how Ellie managed to leave her bedroom and sneak into Sarah's.

"... when you realize I'm full of crap..."

"... we're not going to leave you... Dad? Is that you?"

Caught red-handed, Joel has no choice but to accept his defeat and push the door a little to enter the bedroom. Sarah turns on the light on her bedside table and sits up a bit in bed to see him. Ellie is almost tucked in beside her because the mattress is big but not too big for two teenagers.

"I was going to the bathroom and heard voices," he excuses himself.

"Sorry. I asked Ellie to sleep with me," as soon as her daughter says it, Joel knows the idea didn't come from her.

"It's okay, but you need to be careful with your ribs, Ellie. You know you need rest and..."

"Relax, dude, this is a thousand times better than the floor of a ca...ge," her voice drops so much when she realizes what she's saying that the last word is almost inaudible. She tries to soften it by saying, "I'll be careful, I promise."

Joel shivers down his spine.

"I'll come back later to give you your medication, okay? In the meantime, sweet dreams."

He approaches the bed to give them a goodnight kiss. Sarah offers her forehead out of habit, accustomed to fifteen years of kisses and cuddles before sleep. Ellie remains stiff by her side, unsure of what to do. Joel notices and almost decides to pull away not to make her uncomfortable, but at the last moment, he chooses not to and offers her the same as the other girl. Now she's his kid. From the way she lies and the distance between them, the kiss lands not so much on her forehead as at the hairline, near one of her wounds. It is light, barely a brush of his lips against her skin, but Joel deems it acceptable as the first of many.

Hours later, when he returns with a glass of water and a bottle of muscle relaxants for the girl, he finds them deeply asleep, one on top of the other. They're like two kittens from the same litter. Sarah is on her side, and with her arm, she pulls Ellie closer to her, who rests her head in the hollow of her neck. They breathe rhythmically.

Joel allows himself the luxury of observing them before having to interrupt their rest. It seems absurd to him that anyone could think the girls weren't born to be sisters or that anyone would consider Ellie should be anywhere else but in that house, with them.

It's going to be tough, but it's going to work. He knows it.

Everything will be fine, whatever it takes.