Work Text:
“I was distracted and in traffic
I didn’t feel it when the earthquake happened
But it really got me thinkin’, were you out drinkin’?
Were you in the living room, chillin’ watchin’ television”
Katsuki was on his morning off when it happened. In fact, he didn’t even know there was an earthquake until later that day when he got back from patrol, when he heard the news reporter lady in the background while making lunch. Glancing out at the tv, he heard that some Pros were out helping citizens that were inconvenienced by the minor earthquake. He rolled his eyes. Show offs, trying to look good for PR. He wondered if Mr. Goody Two Shoes Deku was on the job. Katsuki clicked his tongue and continued chopping the carrot with a scowl.
Having had memorized Izuku’s work schedule—so he could avoid him, fuck you—Katsuki knew that the greenette also had his day off the day of the earthquake. Gathering up his chopped vegetables, the blond started sautéing them on the stove. While he added in the spices and seasonings, the blond wondered if Izuku had actually taken the day off, or if he’d really gone to help the citizens. He gripped his wooden spoon tighter. Of course Deku would’ve gone out to help.
He knew the nerd. Couldn’t even take five minutes out of his day to eat lunch. That self-sacrificing little shit never put himself into consideration, always putting others' well being before his own. The Deku he knew would’ve never been able to sit at home, eat a proper meal—none of that instant shit Izuku always buys—and take one fucking afternoon or evening to just relax. No, he had to spend all his hours on hero work.
Katsuki had been stirring his vegetables quite vigorously by then. He couldn’t even hear if the news was still on, the rage roaring in his ears was so loud that he could barely hear his own thoughts. Whenever he’d been with Izuku, it was always ‘Sorry I can’t hang out today, Kacchan, I took a patrol shift’ or ‘I’m busy with paperwork and some meetings this weekend, sorry Kacchan!’ or ‘Aw, sorry, Kacchan, but I’ve got some hero work to do. I’ll catch you next time!’ Katsuki had been so done with all his crap. Yeah, he understood that hero work required a lot of attention and time, especially for Deku, the number one hero. But Katsuki was a hero, too, and number two ain’t that far behind. Katsuki knew that a balanced lifestyle was important to maintain a healthy and happy life. Sure, it sounded cliché as fuck, but he’d told the nerd time and time again, and did he listen? Ha, what a funny joke.
It’d been a while since he’d spoken a single word to Izuku, now.
An advertisement jingle for a new café that had opened played over the hurricane in the blond’s head. Slowly, all his anger evaporated, and it might’ve quite literally been evaporated with the steam that had probably been shooting out of his ears a few seconds ago. Katsuki felt so alone. And empty. He’d looked up from his burnt vegetables, the advertisement ringing in his ears. Tears leaked out of his eyes, sadness overpowering all his emotions so quickly it startled him.
He’d tried to ignore Izuku’s gaze, boring into him when they crossed paths. Tried to ignore the way his heart clenched painfully when he’d see the nerd smiling with his nerd friends. Tried to ignore the way his gaze always seems to drift to the greenette when they’re in the same room, the way that he thinks of Izuku more times than not.
Katsuki really tries not to think about what could’ve been.
“It’s been a year now, think I’ve figured out how
How to let you go and let communication die out
I know, you know, we know, you weren’t down for forever and it’s fine
I know, you know, we know, we weren’t meant for eachother and it’s fine”
Katsuki doesn’t think he’d ever forget the look on Izuku’s face. The way it flashed from surprise, to disbelief, then to hurt, and finally, grim understanding and acceptance. He’d been quiet too, like he was calculating what to say next. When Katsuki was breaking up with him.
The blond tries not to think about how quickly Izuku’s expression morphed to acceptance.
(He still isn’t there yet)
The memory is as clear as day. Katsuki had confronted the greenette when he’d returned from a patrol at 2 am one too many times. The older boy had been waiting by the door, a blank expression on his face. Izuku had stumbled in with a ‘Sorry, Kacchan. There was this villain…’ and Katsuki would usually feel sorry for him, let the younger boy fall into his arms, carry him to the master bedroom of their shared apartment, and pepper his freckled face with kisses once Izuku got changed. That day, however, Katsuki had had enough. As Izuku stepped in, sweat and dirt caked in his curls and along the curves of his face, Katsuki had blurted out that he wanted to break up.
Just like that. The greenette had just stood there, as Katsuki explained how he was so tired of worrying whether Izuku was eating, hoping that Izuku would take time off for his physical and mental strength, and wishing that Izuku would get his head out of his fucking ass—‘How eloquent, Kacchan’—and realize that life is only worth living because of death. That time is finite, and if you don’t spend it with the people you love, you won’t know where it's gone, because you were too busy focusing on the future to notice the present, dammit!
The problem wasn’t even that they weren’t in love. They were. Very much. But they’d stopped indulging in it because they’d stopped being around each other so much since graduating from UA. Since getting together in the middle of second year, Katsuki felt like he’d been soaring. He was on cloud nine; had gotten some counselling and had matured from the beginning of high school. Izuku had given him the love that he hadn’t received from his parents. When the two of them had gone to tell their parents that they were boyfriends, Katsuki’s mother hadn’t been accepting of his sexuality. But Izuku was there for him. To tell him that he’d always be there for the blond. And he always had been, even before their relationship.
And then there they were, two years after graduating. They’d bought an apartment together. They'd lived together. After the war, they’d climb the ranks fast, with Izuku and Katsuki taking numbers one and two.
Sometimes, Katsuki would look over their texts. He’d remember how if one of them had to go to work before the other woke up, they’d send each other Good Morning texts. Or how they’d send each other pictures of themselves randomly throughout the day, captioned ‘miss you, baby <3’ and how Izuku would occasionally send Katsuki pictures of things that remind him of the fiery blond when they were apart. They hadn’t texted in over a year, now.
One year ago
Katsuki: Izuku, love, 11:47 pm
Katsuki: Izuku where are you 11:47 pm
Katsuki: It's almost midnight. Foods getting cold. You said you’d be back before eight 11:48 pm
Katsuki: deku its 1 am 1:12 am
Katsuki: are you hurt do you need help im fucking worried about your nerd ass 1:15 pm
Katsuki: deku theres nothing on the news about you are you hurt 1:20 pm
Katsuki: izuku 2:48 am
Read at 3:15 am
That night, Katsuki hadn’t slept until Izuku was tucked into his arms, asleep and safe. No one needed to know that he was shaking when the door finally opened, hastily wiping tears away, even though he knew Izuku wouldn’t be hurt. Katsuki's brain knew Izuku was more than capable of defending against villains. They both had proved that time and time again as first years in high school. But he wasn’t sure his heart knew.
“But if the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
You’d come over and you’d stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant”
Katsuki was still standing in the kitchen staring off into his kitchen tiles. Vegetables be damned; he could order takeout.
“If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
The sky’d be falling and I’d hold you tight
And there wouldn’t be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye”
Every time Katsuki sees him, every time he hears Izuku’s bright, contagious laugh, something inside of Katsuki cracks, little bits at a time. It’s like his heart is made of porcelain, and the heavy memories of what used to be are threatening to break through with how much adoration and longing they hold.
The time they’d spend together was indescribable to Katsuki. Izuku left him speechless; there was nothing more breathtaking. Waking up to his freckled face, a drop of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. Seeing his emerald eyes scrunched up in concentration on the rare occasions he made food for the both of them. How his carelessly free giggles could be heard only to their own ears in the late hours of the night when the two heroes made pillow forts, nostalgia from their childhood antics warming their hearts. Katsuki yearned to feel Izuku’s soft lips trailing kisses down his neck, scared and callused hands drift down his shoulder, down his side, and linger just above his waist. The way he would rest his gaze, heavy with emotion and unspoken words, on Katsuki like he’d hung the moon and stars. The way he’d always looked at him. Oh, how Katsuki yearned for his Izuku.
He wasn’t sure Izuku felt the same.
"If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
Right?
If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
Right?”
But it was Katsuki, after all, who’d done the damage. It was Katsuki who’d lost his patience, severed ties with the person he cared for more than anyone and anything, more than he thought was possible. Instead of being there for his boyfriend when he needed him, Katsuki had just been a bystander, watching from the sidelines. And now he’d lost his whole world.
Katsuki’s phone rang from the coffee table.
*****
“I tried to imagine your reaction
It didn’t scare me when the earthquake happened
But it really got me thinkin’, that night we went drinkin’
Stumbled in the house and didn’t make it past the kitchen”
Izuku was on house arrest. How his agency could even do that to him, Izuku had no clue. He was the number one hero, how could they keep him at his house when there were people in need because of the earthquake? The greenette had been fuming when his agency had reminded him when he’d reached out, telling them to get his dispatcher on the line. Apparently, he wasn’t allowed to leave the house for any sort of hero work now, or be allowed any paperwork. The only reassurance he had was that he knew the agency would call for backup if they needed more heroes at the scene of the earthquake. But, that was only if the situation got dire.
Apparently, they told him he needed some “me time,” whatever that meant.
So he’d been sitting at home on his couch, scrolling through tv channels to find the news.
Was Kacchan at the scene?
“Ah, it’s been a year now, think I’ve figured out how
How to think about you without it rippin’ my heart out”
Izuku’s mind wandered while his hand gripped the remote. Where was the news channel? He swears it was channel 12; it was 12 last week, surely, but no, it couldn’t have been, because channel 12 was showing Treehouse Tv. Where did he put that channel guide?
Remote still clutched in his left hand, Izuku rose from the couch, wove around the coffee table, and crouched beside the tv stand to rifle through the drawers. Not in the top drawer… maybe in the one on the very right? Oh—no, that was the router and cables. He stuck his hand in the bottom drawer, blindly feeling around for the paper booklet listing the channel number and their names. Nope, all he could feel was loose paper that he had told himself he’d file into folders last week, and old receipts. Izuku pulled his arm back and let out a huff of laughter. Kacchan would probably tell him to get a hold of himself, if he were here. He’d yell at him and flick his forehead, but still crouch down with Izuku to help organise the drawers, ‘cause deep down, he cared, and he’d probably say something like ‘I thought nerds like you would be jumping at the opportunity to organise paper,’ but then lean down and kiss him, just to let Izuku know he’s just teasing, and—
Oh.
Kacchan.
He needed to stop thinking about Kacchan. They weren’t together anymore. Izuku stopped for a second and sat back on his knees. He needed to stop thinking about him, because they weren’t together anymore.
Izuku thought he’d gotten good at it; not thinking about Kacchan. He’d moved apartments, moved out of the neighbourhood, lived far enough away that he didn’t even go to the same grocery store as they did before, save the chance that they’d accidentally bump into each other while shopping for food. Izuku Midoriya would say he’d gotten good at pretending their relationship had never existed in the first place, that they’d never shared a house, or hugs, or kisses. That was the only way he could come up with that would keep the ache away. If it never happened, how could he miss it? You couldn’t miss something you never had in the first place. That’s how it worked.
Until it didn’t. But, he could pretend that didn’t happen, either. There. Loophole.
On the left of the tv, the open window let in the sounds of children playing soccer on the field across his apartment. Izuku lifted his hand to scrub his face, breaking him out of his reverie. It’s okay, he’ll just scroll through the channels until he lands on the news. It would take longer, but what else did he have to do, anyways? Izuku squatted up from his spot in front of the tv to head back to the couch, when his phone chimed from his shorts pocket. Pulling out the phone, his notifications let him know that his mother had texted. He unlocked his phone, and—
Oh. He could’ve just used his phone to watch the news. He had the news app and everything.
‘What’s got you in a twist today, huh, ‘Zuku?’ Kacchan would say, ‘You’re only half here.’
Izuku was also pretending that half of himself hadn’t been ripped away when he and Katsuki broke up.
“I know, you know, we know you weren’t down for forever and it’s fine
I know, you know, we know, we weren’t meant for eachother and it’s fine”
He should’ve done something. He should’ve paid more attention. All the signs were there that their relationship was breaking. They were spending less and less time together, Kacchan had been getting more and more closed off, Izuku was rarely able to melt into Kacchan’s arms after a long day. Instead, he was spending longer and longer hours at the agency. Where did it all go? Izuku should’ve been more aware that by squeezing in more hours himself, he was breaking Kacchan’s heart.
After the war, everything had been so quiet. The big defeat of All for One, the League of Villains, Shigaraki, and the constant stream villain attacks had ended in a stillness throughout Japan. It had left Izuku reeling in the calmness after such chaos and stress. To make up for that feeling of emptiness, Izuku had dived elbow-deep into internships and patrols and extra classes. That same feeling of urgentness had transferred into his life when he graduated as a pro hero. He felt as if he wasn't doing enough.
Maybe, if he’d put some time out for himself, there would be enough time for them. Maybe if Izuku hadn’t been so selfish, hadn’t ignored that his actions didn’t only hurt himself, but also hurt others, he and Kacchan would still be together. If he’d talked to Kacchan about this, or seeked professional help, maybe they would’ve found a way to save everything. Instead, Izuku had dealt with his issue by working some more, as if he could bury his problems with more of the same. How did he even think that was a good idea?
“But if the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
You’d come over and you’d stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant”
Izuku sighed on the couch, tossing his phone beside him on the couch to bury his face in his hands. It was useless, anyways, to think about what he could’ve done. It was already said and done. There was no way Kacchan would take him back now. Izuku was sure he didn’t even deserve it himself.
But, oh, how he longed for it. He longed for their dinner dates, when Kacchan would make a delicious meal for the both of them, and they’d cuddle under layers of blankets in front of the tv. He misses how would grumble about how sweet Izuku takes his coffee—’You probably have sugar syrup for blood, ‘Zuku,’—yet always restocked his favourite hazelnut sweetener. Izuku’s heart aches remembering how they’d stay up late some nights, just whispering their favourite things about each other in their cozy, dim-lit bedroom. How Kacchan would complain about attending their class reunions, but eventually would ‘pretend’ to relent, and tag along with Izuku anyways, ‘cause it made Izuku smile. He missed how the blond found new, different ways everyday to say I love you.
“If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
The sky’d be falling while I’d hold you tight
No, there wouldn’t be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye”
What if Izuku went back to their old apartment, what would happen then? Would Kacchan open the door for him, talk to him, or even look at him? Could Izuku handle going back to that place after a year of convincing himself it was over? If Izuku asked Kacchan for a chance to talk, would they? If he opened up to Kacchan about the thoughts that had been consuming him since graduation, if they discussed their relationship, where things started to fall apart, would they end up okay?
If he apologised to Kacchan for neglecting their relationship, was there a chance Kacchan could forgive him? Was it possible to recreate and rekindle their connection that they had sweat and bled and cried for? Izuku would do it again in a heartbeat.
He wasn’t sure Kacchan felt the same.
Izuku would. He would run back to that apartment. Anything for the chance that their relationship could be recovered. Win to save, Save to win.
“If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
You’d come over, right?
You’d come over, you’d come over, you’d come over, right?”
Izuku side-eyed his phone from where he had tossed it on the couch, and leaned over to grab it. He was going to check the news, and then figure out what to do about the Kacchan situation. That he had been trying so hard to ignore. Maybe what Izuku needed was closure, and one last conversation with his ex was all he needed to finally let go. Yeah, that was probably it. So why did he feel like a rock had been dropped in his stomach when he thought about it?
Sighing, Izuku unlocked his phone and opened up HeroNet. Already, the earthquake was making headlines. It was a few cities away, so Izuku couldn’t feel the tremors where he lived, but the articles he skimmed through showed picture after picture of destroyed buildings, rooted trees, and crushed cars on the city streets. Izuku didn’t want to imagine how the families and citizens that lived in the city must be feeling, and if any of them were seriously injured. He saw a link to a video of a journalist reporting live from the medical centre set up in the city, the city ruins visible in the background.
“...Was described as a rumbling, vibrating sound. Pro heroes arrived on scene only minutes after the first building had come crumbling down, quickly calling for backup. Here with us, we have the hero Earphone Jack….”
Suddenly, a video cut across the journalist’s report, catching Izuku off guard. The camera pans to a live video of a pile of boulders.
“Breaking news, live from downtown Shizuoka. Number two hero Ground Zero stumbles after being caught off-guard by an earthquake-causing villain with geokinetic quirk. The hero’s stumble cost a fortune as more than a ton of building remains rain down on the number two directly after. Medics have been brought to the scene, and backup is being sent to save our beloved symbol of victory…”
No.
How did that even happen? What were the chances that Kacchan was sent to the scene, that he had fallen, and that Izuku had been online to catch the broadcast?
Screw the house arrest. Izuku bolted.
“I know, you know, we know, you weren’t down for forever and it’s fine
I know, you know, we know, we weren’t meant for eachother and it’s fine”
He made it to the scene in 20 minutes less time than it would’ve taken him if he drove.
Kacchan was in a stretcher by the time he arrived, and was being brought to the ambulance to rush to the hospital. The heroes had made quick work of the villain in the time it took Izuku to run here. Izuku ran to the medics where they were lifting the blond’s stretcher into the ambulance, panting as he whipped out his hero ID to show them. Thank the universe he’d thought to bring that, or the medics wouldn’t have let him set as much as a foot near Kacchan, no matter how well-known Izuku was.
And oh, his Kacchan.
Izuku hadn’t taken this good of a look at him in a year. Izuku ran his hand over Kacchan’s arms, fingers as light as feathers on the blond’s skin. His eyes were closed, head tilted towards his left shoulder. Grey dust and grime covered his whole body, and Kacchan’s hair had been matted to his forehead. There were small rips and tears throughout his entire hero consume, but one large split in the fabric ran right above his left knee, which was bending at an angle that made Izuku shudder. His skin had taken on a red hue where the rocks and rubble had applied pressure, and one of his gauntlets cracked through the middle. There was also a large gash on his right temple. It had been hastily wrapped to keep the bleeding from stopping, but Izuku could still see the deep colour of blood seeping through.
Just like how Shigaraki had done it.
Izuku couldn’t take it. He couldn’t.
“But if the world was ending you’d come over, right?
You’d come over and you’d stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant”
*****
Katsuki had gained consciousness yesterday.
He’d been floating in and out since then, only catching a few words of the conversations going on around him. Now, he was able to stay conscious without the throbbing pain in his head knocking him out. He watched the clock in his dim hospital room as it struck noon, just laying in the hard hospital bed for the past two hours, too exhausted from the events from three days ago to even think about gathering the energy to sit up.
It had given Katsuki quite the shock when he’d woken up that morning to find his hand laced in Izuku’s. To find Izuku sitting in a low chair beside his hospital bed, with his forehead on the bed by Katsuki’s waist. The nurses had told him Izuku had been by Katsuki’s side since he was admitted into the hospital, only leaving to use the washroom and when they’d asked him to briefly step out to tend to Katsuki’s wounds. He didn’t know if the roaring and pounding of his brain was from his injuries or from learning this information.
Katsuki didn’t know what to think about that.
Of course Katsuki had stumbled because he had been thinking about Izuku. That wasn’t even a question. There was nobody else that had rocked Katsuki’s world as much as him. “Keep your eyes on me, Deku!”
“If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
The sky’d be falling while I’d hold you tight
No, there wouldn’t be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye”
The doctors had told him that he was lucky he was alive. He had turned out okay considering the sheer amount of weight he had been trapped under, and it was fortunate that the bulk of the force had been held up by the rocks creating a sort of cave around him, pushing their weight into each other. He’d gotten away with a concussion, some torn muscles and bruises, a broken femur, a twisted ankle, and was recovering from minor blood loss. Safe to say he was going to be on bed rest for a while.
He turned his head to the side, just a little, so he could watch the rise and fall of Izuku’s chest. Had he really stayed by Katsuki’s side to see if he was okay? Knowing that Izuku had left all his commitments and tasks behind for him made the blond’s stomach ache. How long had it been since Izuku had eaten or drank water?
Katsuki closed his eyes as Izuku’s grip tightened around his hand.
Izuku’s eyes opened.
“If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?
You’d come over, you’d come over, you’d come over, right?”
*****
Izuku brushed his thumb lightly across Kacchan’s, rubbing in light circles. Kacchan opened his eyes to look at him. Those red eyes looked at him with such an intensity that he felt Kacchan was looking straight through him. Like he was transparent.
But no. When had Kacchan ever made him feel like he was anything less than whole?
“If the world was ending, you’d come over, right?”
A tear ran down Izuku’s face, and Katsuki lifted his hand to brush it away.
Yeah. They would be okay.