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Consume my Heart Like You Always Did - An Ivantill Fanfic

Summary:

I've always despised Ivan.

He was annoying. He even enjoyed making me suffer, just what the hell was his problem?

So then, why does it feel like this?

I hated everything about him. I despised his very existence. In every aspect of him I just can't find anything about him that I can even tolerate.

And yet it still hurts. Losing him.

I would’ve wanted this, anyway. Right?

And now that his corpse lays lifelessly before me, I can’t help but feel a little lost.

He was still my friend, somehow. He was human just like me. He had emotions, feelings, people special to him.

I was special to him.

The moment before his body hit the ground, after our lips touched and his hands wrapped around my neck, he looked at me with a smile. A gentle smile, one that I couldn’t see whenever he was trying to get my attention through annoying me. It was a smile that I wish I’ve seen sooner. Not like this.

He muttered in his final moments, drowned by the crowd’s applause,

“I’m sorry… That you were loved by me, Till.”

Ivan, you damn idiot.

I hate you.

Notes:

How are we feeling after round 6? Decided I'd rub some salt to the wound, so I hope this fanfic gets a bit more recognition since it's PRETTY MUCH my first time writing a fanfic and posting it.

I'm pretty inconsistent and I tend to leave projects unfinished, so best say I might actually leave this unfinished if I get bored of it. Though if a miracle happens and I finish it, I hope you'll be there to enjoy it.

TW: child abuse, Panic attacks and unhealthy coping mechanisms
CW: Gore

EDIT: Guess what? I'm rewriting this entire fanfic and posting a new one, since originally I planned to just wing this entire fic BUT HEY I'll be taking my time on working on the new one meaning I won't be updating this one anymore!!

Chapter 1: INTRODUCTION - Till's worst enemy, the black haired devil

Summary:

It was quite the day for Till, and all he hopes for is to rest up at home and continue composing a new song he was thinking about for a while now.

Through the busy hallways, he attempts to stay low, and yet his silver hair was so easily spotted by the man in all black, Ivan.

Dragged into another session of loud bickering and winning smiles, Till comes to a conclusion that he has never gotten along with Ivan. And he doesn't plan to, either.

Never in his life, he says.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

Ding, dong

The school bell rings, as we are dismissed from class. I put on my headphones, put on a random song and get going. It is currently 4:00PM, here at Anakt Highschool.

The hallways are crowded and lively, the loud noises drowned by the music playing through my headphones. I make sure to stay low, as to not be seen by him.

 

“Till!”

I clench the handles of my bag, wishing I hadn’t heard that.

“Till! Over here!”

I peak to my phone and increase the volume, until a hand is placed on my shoulder.

I just can’t ignore you, can I?

 

”Till? Hey, listen to me!”

 

I finally turn to him, lowering my headphones and giving him an annoyed look. I made sure he knew I didn’t like him being around me.

 

“What do you want this time?” I hissed.

 

“Hey, don’t be like that." He puts both of his hands up playfully, "I don’t mean any harm.”

“Well? Why’s your face all ugly and crumpled again? Did you get scolded or something?”

 

“Damnit, NO! It’s because YOU’RE here. Leave me alone.”

I walk off, slightly sprinting and desperate to get out of here before he’s even able to mutter another word. The exit is only a few steps away, yet I still hear another pair of shoes walking beside me.

As I take a step out of the door, a cold breeze caressed my cheek and the sky starts pouring.

 

…Great. Just great.

 

“Tiiillllll….” A voice whispers in my ear.

 

“what the HELL-”

 

“Relax! you got an umbrella with you?”

 

“Yeah, I do. And I’m not sharing.”

I open my bag and start looking around for my umbrella.

I was so sure I put it in there this morning…

 

“Well?”

 

“…I-I left it in the classroom. Now get out of here.”

 

“I know you didn’t. Don’t lie.”

 

”I did, damnit! Just leave!”

 

“Are you sure you'll be fine without one?” He reveals the umbrella hiding behind his back.

 

It… Looks oddly familiar to mine.

 

“…Ivan.”

 

“Till?”

 

“Ivan, you son of a BI-”

I charge at him, trying to get ahold of the umbrella while he starts giggling and stretching it away from me. Eventually, I grab at his arm only to realize I’ve put all my weight on him, and we both end up in the floor.

 

Thud

 

“Agh…”

He tries to push himself up, and pauses for a moment.

“…Till”

 

“What, damnit!? Give me back the stupid umbrella you piece of-”

 

“Just…G-Get off me for a bit. I'll give it back.”

He looks away, covering his face with his palm.

 

Confused, I take the chance to grab the umbrella from him and stood up, opening it and finally leaving.

 

“Hey!” He catches up to me and hides under the umbrella.

 

I put back the headphones on, and start walking back home with him instead of bursting into another session of loud bickering. Today’s been a long day in itself, I didn’t need him pestering me.

 

The silence was interrupted with the constant drops of rain pouring around us, as he quietly followed me back home under the umbrella. The fog was starting to thicken, while the world felt so blue around us. I glanced at him, startled by his strange behavior. Usually, he’d start annoying short conversations, yet he seems to appreciate this moment. He looked a lot better with his mouth shut, though. So I didn't bother.

 

Finally arriving home, I realized that he’d have no way of going to his own home when we live in the opposite directions.

 

“So how are you getting home, then? Why in the world did you even follow me, you idiot…”

 

“Just walking you home.”

 

”What the- You know damn well I'm fine by myself!”

 

”Really? Then could you have noticed the sign in your back? You're openly asking for a beating.”

 

“What do you-” I reached behind me, only to find a piece of paper stuck to my back. ”Punch me for free money”, The sign says.

 

“WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT THAT??”

 

“I didn’t! I was just protecting you from it. I thought you put that?”

 

“YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME EARLIER THEN???” I crumpled the piece of paper and threw it away.

“You childish piece of crap, just go home, damnit!”

 

“Alright, alright! Can I borrow the umbrella at least?”

 

“HELL NO.”

I unlock the door.

 

“So cold…You’re heartless, you know?” He put his hand on his chest, pretending as if he'd been stabbed.

 

“well you better hurry up then."

 

He chuckles, "Please?"


"You already kno-"

 

...

 

"Till?" A voice from behind me whispers eerily. 

 

I could feel my face scrunch and my eyebrows furrow. My eyes shot down to the floor, unable to look at Ivan in the eye.

 

"...Mom." 

 

"Till, you're home."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Come here."

 

"W-Well, my...My friend Ivan is here-"

 

"Ivan?"

 

I glanced at him.

 

He had an expression I couldn't read. One that wasn't particularly strange, though. It was one that he'd always give when he heard her voice. 

The only thing I could tell was that it wasn't a nice look on his face. 

 

He looked angry.

 

"Ivan?"

I felt her hand press unto my shoulder, with a little more force than needed.

 

Her form begins to reveal itself from the dimly lit hallway. 

 

"Ivan, what a pleasant surprise."

 

He remained silent, while his lips curves into a smile. 

 

"What brings you here?"

 

"...I was just walking Till home, auntie."

 

"I see. Till, bring him an umbrella."

 

"...Yes, mom."

 

Her old, wrinkled face turns shifts into a polite look, gentle and welcoming. At times like these, she'd look like a nice person for once. 

 

All of us knew that wasn't true.

 

What she hid underneath that smile, was a face you couldn't recognize. With the mask she puts on it would be hard to believe. I myself tend to fall for it sometimes, too. No matter how much I've experienced it.

 

"Here." I hand over the umbrella to Ivan, "Just return it tomorrow."

 

He pauses for a moment. His mouth slightly opened, as if he wanted to say something more, yet he left without another word.

 

I was left with the old woman standing by the door.

 

"Till, hurry inside."

 

I followed her in, rushing straight upstairs before it starts again.

 

"TILL, GET DOWN."

 

I slam the door closed, locking it and hiding myself under the covers.

 

"You're not getting away the next time I see you outside of that damn door, brat." She starts knocking aggressively at my door, "I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL F***** KILL YOU"

 

I could hear her stomping away from the door, and I could finally think straight.

 

I took the sketchpad hid behind my pillow, and began to sketch for a little while. It was the only thing that could comfort me whenever she was home early, especially during those episodes of hers. 

 

While thinking of something to draw, Ivan somehow crossed my mind.

 

No matter how long we've been together, since we were elementary, theres still a part to him that I couldn't quite figure out. I can't help but think that perhaps theres more sides to him that I'm yet to find, but now that I think about it, knowing more about him just seems like hell. If this side of him is annoying as is then wouldn't that mean we'd grow closer if I ended up learning more about him?

 

The thought makes me shiver. I don't think I could handle him clinging onto me more. And especially with the pointless strategies he comes up with just in order to get on my nerves I can't imagine myself getting to know any of his "good sides", if ever that even exists within him.

 

I don't know what he finds so entertaining about pissing me off every time he gets the chance to. But as long as all he wants from me is a good view to see me suffering, then I don't think we'd ever get along. I just happen to hate people who use others for their own pleasure, so I'm sorry if I don't understand why the hell do people think of him as a prince. 

 

I'll never get along with him.

.

.

.

 

 

Notes:

A quick and short introduction to the two, The ways they interact with each other and especially highlighting how much Till despises Ivan, since birth.

PS: If you've read this early, then please be aware of the changes I made that might be significant to the rest of the story!