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Bdubs sat on his side of the room, on his bed, watching Etho with a death stare. Etho was ignoring him, finding the organization of chests far more interesting. Staring wasn’t seeming to do anything for his case.
He huffed to himself.
Was it too much to ask for a little bit of attention? Would he have to beg for it? Would he have to run off for anyone to realize they cared? He got more attention last week. And while yeah, Bdubs would admit he was regressed then too, he got far more of it. Probably ‘cause he was red and Etho was constantly worried he’d get in trouble.
“Wish I was still red,” Bdubs mumbled discontentedly.
That got Etho to look up. “You better not.”
“No, I’m not gonna. But…” If he happened to so accidentally fall to a boogeyman or red-name trap, Bdubs wouldn’t complain. “Can we go see Skizz and Tango?” He bounced a little on the bed, boredom getting to him.
Etho sighed, shook his head, and got back to whatever defenses and offenses he was crafting. “They’ll be over in a bit. You can wait.”
Everybody was this way. Super dismissive.
Cleo was nice. Last session, when he was red, and she was red. It was really nice. She was fun, she gave him attention. She was his friend.
“What about G and his crew?”
“No way.”
“Or Cleo. Cleo’s fun.”
“Cleo’s red. And don’t you ask about Scar, because same answer.”
"Cleo's yellow now, for your information," Bdubs mumbled.
"Don't care. The session's about to start anyway."
Bdubs sighed and flopped back. He didn’t even have any toys here. Not that it was necessary. They mostly slept the break away anyway. He just wanted something to entertain him. Here he was with nothing but a bed and blanket and some random items thrown together in a chest that Bdubs couldn’t be bothered to sort out. “You’re no fun.”
“And you’re regressed.”
“WHAT’S THAT S’POSED TO MEAN?!”
The thing was, even if Bdubs yelled or screamed, Etho never seemed to care. Just sat doing his own thing. Which was super duper annoying because like. Bdubs could be calm. He could be good. He could be really fun if his stupid teammates would give him a chance. Instead they did all this grownup stuff all the time and even during the breaks wouldn’t give him the time of day. It wasn’t fair.
“I’m not your caregiver, Bdubs.”
“And I’m not askin’ for it! Can’t you just be my friend?” He flopped down, face hitting his pillow, screaming into it. It was more muffled.
“Thank you for using the pillow.”
Bdubs rolled his eyes. It was all so stupid. Etho never listened. And when Tango and Skizz were around, Tango was just constantly angry at him. Skizz gave him the time of day, at least, but there wasn’t the time for it. They were always doing something, setting up defenses, building tnt canons, productive things. Skizz was nice, but he was never over during the break.
“You know pitching a fit isn’t helping your case,” Etho told him, with no care at all in his voice.
Bdubs refused to look at him. He wasn’t crying for attention. (Well, maybe he was, but also. Maybe he could just feel how he’d like?) “I’m going outside to play with the dogs.” He stormed out, barely hearing Etho’s call to stay within the fort.
“It’s not fair,” he mumbled to himself. “No point in listenin’ to Etho. He doesn’t care anyway.” He could go to Scar’s base if he liked. Or to the Fairy Fort or the Southlands. Find Cleo or Joel roaming around on their own as usual. Impulse would be nice, probably. Maybe Grian if he was in a good enough mood.
Point being, if Etho wasn’t taking care of him, and neither Tango or Skizz, then Bdubs had full autonomy! They weren’t his caregivers. He didn’t have to listen to them. Especially when they were the biggest jerks anyway.
Problem was, all his gear was still inside, so if he wanted to go out anywhere, he’d need to go back in first. And Etho would know what he was doing and…
Psh. Who cared what Etho thought? Not Bdubs! Not when Etho didn’t really care anyway. He’d be happier to not have Bdubs on his team.
“I’m running away,” Bdubs said pointedly as he came inside. He waited for some big response. “And I’m not stayin’, even if you say no.” He didn’t say a word. Didn’t act like he cared at all. “‘Cause you don’t care anyway, so I’m better off findin’ new friends.” His throat tightened and his arms and legs tensed. He waited just a moment longer in case Etho had interest in disproving any of it.
He didn’t.
“Not like I care anyway, jerk.” He stuffed away everything important, leaving the clock behind seeing as… Maybe Etho was a good person outside of these games. He was usually a lot nicer. Tango was usually a lot nicer too. They’d had some good times in the past, blowing up bases for a living. He liked the two of them. Loved them, even.
People were mean in the life series.
Etho didn’t say anything, not as he broke through the fort. Didn’t give any warning. Didn’t help Bdubs leave. Didn’t stop him. Didn’t do anything.
Bdubs wandered his way to spawn, starting to sob as he got to the bedrock platform. He didn’t mean to break down so easily. Didn’t know why. After all, he didn’t care. But he was shaking and crying and it was all horrible.
It wasn’t just that it wasn’t fair. Because injustice was fine. Whatever. He could deal with it.
He shouldn’t care. Not that Etho cared. Bdubs shouldn’t. It was hurting him more to care, to want to be loved.
“Bdubs?”
He looked back. Cleo stooped beside him. “Yeah?” His voice was watery. He felt so pathetic now that someone else walked in on his pity party.
“Oh, baby.” She scooped him up in a tight hug, not minding his dramatics. “They’re still being mean?”
Cleo was nice, understanding. She remembered the conversation from last week. Remembered Bdubs being red and angry, remembered him curling up in her lap and sobbing for a good fifteen, twenty minutes, and remaining in that pity party for a couple of hours.
“They don’t care about me.” He rested his head on her shoulder, comfortably leaning into the hug.
Cleo tilted his head up so his eyes met hers. “They don’t matter. I care about you, buddy. No reason to think about them.”
It was a lot easier said than done though.
“Chin up. You already cried it out last week, remember?” She picked him up pretty effortlessly and walked around spawn with him. “I’m with Pearl and Scott now. Did I tell you that?”
Bdubs shook his head. “No.”
“Well, that happened at the end of last session. They brought me to green again.”
“Etho bribed Scar to get me to yellow,” Bdubs said sadly. “Wish we were red so we could be friends.”
Cleo carried him so Bdubs was slumped over her shoulder. It was insane just how much muscle strength she had. Enough to walk him back to his base. (Which, he wasn’t happy that she was taking him back. He understood. They were about to start a new session. He couldn’t actually run away while little and both of them knew that.) “We can still be friends. Even if one of us is red. Crastle day one alliance,” she said.
Of course, that was a season ago, but Bdubs respected that Cleo considered him in her good books because they teamed up all that time ago. “Do I gotta go home, Cleo?”
She gave a reluctant sigh. “I’m sorry bubs. We’re about to start the next session and I’m not sure if Scott and Pearl would like it if I brought you back with me. And I think I’d be making an enemy of your entire team too. What if I stay until Skizz gets here?”
Bdubs looked up hopefully at her. “Really?”
“Yep. I’ll tell my team I’ll be back a little late. I’m sure they’ll be fine with that.” They stepped foot into the fort, Bdubs wriggling out of her hold so he could pull her around to reintroduce her to all the remaining wolves.
Then of course.
Etho came out.
“I brought Bdubs back.”
There was a stretch of silence and a forced, “Thanks.”
Bdubs pretended to be more focused on the dogs, knowing that they would talk more if they thought he wasn’t listening.
“He would’ve come back around eventually,” Etho said.
Bdubs wanted to react to such a statement, but reacting wouldn’t do any good. And it’d blow his cover.
“Maybe for Skizz.”
“He wouldn’t last long on his own. He'd get hurt. Or bored.”
“He’d go to Scar before he’d go to you,” Cleo said, and it almost sounded like she was angry.
“But he’d still be back. He just needed to cool off. He’s fine now.”
Cleo scoffed. “Yeah right. He’s not fine. He’s small and he needs love and attention. He doesn’t need some cold, distant ally who’s too busy focused on himself to care about other people and their needs.”
Bdubs felt a little sick hearing them fighting. It wasn’t really a comfort to have Cleo attack Etho over all this. But he wouldn’t say anything, just let it play out. (He’d rather Cleo play with him right now though.)
“I didn’t ask to be his caregiver.”
“So? He still needs you even when he’s not regressed. Not wanting to be his caregiver does not give you an excuse to treat Bdubs poorly.”
He felt his chest get heavy. But he couldn’t cry. It’d make things all complicated. And Cleo said there was no use crying!
But he couldn’t help it when every big feeling tumbled over him all at once. And they were fighting and he was alone and none of this was fun or happy or good in any way.
“What’s going on?” Skizz called, stepping into the base.
“Yeah, what’s Cleo doing here?” Tango asked aggressively.
Instead of paying anyone else mind, she sat next to Bdubs. “Hey, buddy. I’m sorry.” He crawled into her lap, clinging to her tightly. He’d really like to be on hermitcraft now, where there were no useless conflicts, no annoying teammates, no difficulties to note of. He could be little in peace and nobody would act annoyed with him.
“Etho?” Skizz asked, a bit of accusation in his tone.
“Bdubs got all frustrated and puffy like usual and ran off. Cleo returned him and decided to accuse me of being an awful teammate.”
Skizz looked down at Bdubs and Cleo, as if looking for confirmation. Neither confirmed nor denied the story.
“Ok… this… I knew this was coming, honestly.” Skizz sat with the two of them.
“Don’t leave,” Bdubs mumbled, face buried between Cleo’s shoulder and neck. She hummed in response, tightening her hold on him.
“And why’re we crying now?” Skizz asked softly.
“Cleo and Etho are fighting,” Bdubs said plainly.
“Think they should use nicer words to each other, like we’ve been talking about?” Skizz prompted.
“Yeah. Be nice,” he said, a bit commanding, but still clearly upset.
“Alright, I’ll be nicer,” Cleo answered. “Should we ask Grian to wait to start up the session?”
“Might be a good idea.” Skizz was nice too, understanding and gentle when needed. Bdubs just wished he was around more often. “Tango?”
“Yes boss,” Tango answered with much exasperation.
“Thank you!”
With the break extended, Cleo stayed around longer. Skizz headed inside with Etho, telling Tango to stick outside with Cleo and Bdubs.
“Do the wolves know any tricks?” Cleo asked Bdubs.
“A little bit. One can fetch real good.” Bdubs took a stick and threw it across the yard. A couple of the wolves perked up and chased after it. A third got up and started wrestling with them. The other two wolves still alive were napping. “C’mere! Bring back the stick!”
A few moments later, the three wolves bounded at Bdubs, toppling him backwards before licking his face. What was once uncontrollable sobs became uncontrollable laughter. Cleo pried one of the more aggressive wolves off of him before playing tug with one stick.
“This one likes to be my shadow,” Bdubs said of the really quiet wolf. He was a bit sneakier than the others and proved he was super loyal (or just obsessed with following whoever was his leader). “And the littlest one rolls over and lets me hold her and pet her all the time. She acts super spoiled.”
“It’s all the treats you give her,” Tango muttered.
Bdubs refrained from yelling back in disagreement. “Prob’ly. She’s really cute though. Aren’t ‘cha?” He started rubbing her belly vigorously before she flopped down on her side, seemingly content. Shadow wolf sat behind Bdubs quietly before spooking him with a loud bark. Aggressive one started barking back until Bdubs separated them, keeping the aggressive one in a chokehold.
“They get a little crazy though.”
“I’ll say,” Tango commented. He always liked Etho’s better. They were always trained to listen. No-fun guard dogs that sat and were lazy all day. Etho never played with them, but for some reason they were super obedient. (Bdubs made up for it with tons of treats. Etho acted like he was upset that Bdubs spoiled them, but he really didn’t care.)
“Which one’s your favorite?” Cleo asked.
Bdubs frowned. “Can’t have favorites, silly. They’ll get sad.” He looked more fondly at his shadow though. He really enjoyed the attention the wolf gave him.
“Ah, ok. Sorry I asked.”
Bdubs picked up the little female wolf, setting her in Cleo’s lap. “She likes to be held sometimes.”
“That’s why she’s spoiled,” Tango said.
“But she’s really good! She doesn’t get into any trouble at all! Isn’t that right, girl?” He scritched at her ears and the wolf lulled her head to the side, almost about to roll off Cleo’s lap.
“She is pretty sweet,” Cleo agreed.
Cleo asked more questions and Bdubs showed off his wolves excitedly. They avoided the topic of anything that had to do with the team. Tango was being a little nicer today. Half an hour later they gave the ok for the session to start. (It didn’t go past Bdubs that Cleo gave Tango a warning talk before she left, but at least she wasn’t chewing him out like she did with Etho.)
Etho and Skizz came back out, spirits subdued but Etho seemed to try to be nicer.
Bdubs knew it’d go back to normal in a few hours, but at least he’d gotten some time with Cleo, Tango, and the wolves.
“Can I come visit after this session?” Bdubs asked as she left.
“Sure buddy! I’ll come by and pick you up! How’s that?”
“Ok! Bye Cleo!”
Once she was out of earshot, Bdubs slumped back down, mood taking a rapid decline. His comm lit up with the message The Boogeyman will be chosen in 5 minutes. He sighed.
At least there’d been some good today. And he could visit Cleo after all this was over. It couldn’t be too awful, right?