Chapter Text
Hyunwoo found himself having difficulty breathing.
As a lawyer and a legal director for so long, he knows how to think logically and think things through. He knows to trust the facts, or to search and probe until such facts were established beyond a reasonable doubt.
Logically, he knows that his wife is now okay. That the attending neurosurgeon, the nurses, and all the other medical allied professionals he could ask in the hospital have repeatedly assured him that the operation was a success. That the disease’s prognosis after the success of the treatment seems to be looking up.
But looking at Haein, so fragile and vulnerable with the tubes sticking out in her arms and oxygen mask resting on her face, Hyunwoo can’t help but throw all logic out of the window because it has been two days, and despite the success of the treatment the medical staff assured them, Haein is still not showing signs of waking up.
Thousands of questions almost flooded Hyunwoo’s mind, with most of the questions haunting him since Haein was first brought out of the operating room and hadn’t woken up as immediately as they thought. The doctors assured him despite it taking longer than they expected for Haein to wake up, everything in her vitals was normal. Despite such assurances, Hyunwoo's mind cannot prevent itself from going overdrive with worry.
What if something wrong happened that the doctors failed to notice?
What if it was too late for the surgery and it caused brain damage to Haein?
What if she won’t wake up?
Noticing the start of an anxiety attack, Hyunwoo forced himself to take in a shuddering breath, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth rhythmically. Using both of his hands, he clasped Haein’s right hand and brought it close to his forehead in a feeble attempt to ground himself to the present, savoring the warm feel of Haein’s hands on his skin that reminded him that she was here with him.
Hyunwoo forces himself to continue taking deep breaths despite each breath coming harder and more difficult than the last. He tuned out the noise of his racing thoughts and instead focused on the steady high-pitched beep of Haein's heartbeat coming from the vital signs monitor attached to her finger. Hyunwoo opened his eyes and focused on the fog formed in Haein’s face mask, another solid proof that Haein was alive and here.
He didn't realize he was already crying until his vision of Haein started getting blurry and he got Haein’s hand wet. Hyunwoo laughed self-depreciatingly and immediately wiped the treacherous tears away with one hand, his other hand still clasped tightly with Haein’s.
“Ay, really,” Hyunwoo remarked roughly through his tears and forced himself to laugh, “You promised me you wouldn’t make me cry and look at what I am doing now. I should sue you for scamming me.”
The only response to Hyunwoo’s attempt at a joke was the steady beeping of the machines attached to Haein, with Haein herself not giving any indication of change. Hyunwoo’s face almost immediately crumpled in despair but he immediately wiped the new set of tears threatening to fall down from his eyes.
“Haein-ah,” he called out in a pleading voice, bringing his forehead to his hands that had Haein’s hand clasped firmly inside, “please don’t scare me anymore like this. It has been two days. Please… please… wake up.”
Too immersed in his emotions, Hyunwoo doesn’t hear the door to Haein’s room opening softly and the repeated calling of his name. It was only when he felt someone’s hand settled over his shoulder that he was taken out of his musings.
“She’s going to wake up,” Beomja told firmly and with confidence, “Haein is the most stubborn out of all of us and can even make the strongest person dumbstruck when they see how persistent she is once she sets her mind to something. You would know it best after all since you married her.”
Hyunwoo gives her a ghost of a smile while he continues to rub his thumb lightly over the back of Haein’s hand, eyes never leaving Haein’s face and taking in all of her features. He gently moved a strand of her hair away from her face and Hyunwoo almost couldn't resist crying again when Haein barely twitched with his actions, a testament to how deeply she was still unconscious.
Haein is never this still while sleeping, always so reactive and expressive in her sleep. Smiling or furrowing his eyebrows based on the contents of whatever plagued her dreams. Burrowing herself deep in his chest or in the blankets to seek warmth or clutching his arm in her sleep. To see her like this, so still and unresponsive caused a sick feeling to rise in Hyunwoo's chest.
Before his thoughts could spiral again, Hyunwoo heard the soft sigh of Beomja and quickly stole a glance, noticing how Beomja had red-rimmed eyes and was sporting a soft smile on her face but looking solely at Haein. “Hyunwoo-ya, it has been two days and we have barely seen you stand up from that chair. You also need to take care of yourself.”
Hyunwoo shook his head immediately and clasped Haein’s hand tighter, as if Beomja would drag him away from Haein’s side. “I can’t leave her,” Hyunwoo said in a broken voice, “I promised her that I would be here when she opened her eyes.”
Beomja’s hand on his shoulder tightens but she doesn’t stray her eyes from observing Haein, “And what do you think Haein would feel knowing that you neglected yourself completely to watch over her?”
If there is more energy left in Hyunwoo, he would be offended at the low blow of using Haein against him but he is just too consumed with focusing his attention and energy looking out for his wife. Beomja, noticing the lack of response from Hyunwoo, sighed again softly and grabbed Hyunwoo’s arm to turn him to her.
“Hyunwoo-ya,” she called out softly, “Haein loves you and she would be devastated to see you like this.” Hyunwoo opened his mouth to reason but Beomja shook her head and continued, “You know best that if Haein saw you like this she would immediately raise hell on earth because we allowed you to be like this. I love my niece but you know best how she can be terrifying.”
Hyunwoo laughs softly, surprised at how genuine it felt despite the laugh coming out watery and ragged. “She is pretty terrifying, isn’t she?” he replied in an endeared manner.
Beomja looked at Hyunwoo fondly, agreeing with his remark and softly laughing along. The fragile moment of calmness and tranquillity was broken when Hyunwoo suddenly felt a flicker of movement in his hand. He moved his gaze towards his and Haein's clasped hands and couldn't help but gasp upon seeing Haein's fingers twitch and slowly grab his hand.
“What? What? What is it?” Beomja asked and Hyunwoo looked at her, hope clearly shining in his eyes, “I think Haein grabbed my hand back.”
Beomja gasped in delight and went to the other side of Haein’s bed and leaned over, grabbing Haein’s left hand while Hyunwoo continued grabbing Haein’s right hand. “Haein-ah, can you hear us?”
For a while, tense silence enveloped the environment. A moment or two and nothing changed and for a while, Hyunwoo was starting to feel the dread of thinking it may be a trick of his mind before his thoughts were suddenly broken by Beomja gasping and crying out in relief.
“She grabbed my hand!” Beomja announced, tears immediately spilling over her eyes. “Of course, she’s gonna wake up the moment we start teasing her,” she remarked while laughing over the situation.
“Haein-ah,” Hyunwoo whispered brokenly, tears pouring from his eyes but not even bothering to wipe them away, “can you open your eyes for me, yeobo? ”
A tense moment of silence ensued once again and Hyunwoo was hyperfocused on Haein’s face, waiting for any sign of movement. A few seconds later, Hyunwoo could immediately see Haein’s eyes fluttering, and slowly opening. However, Haein immediately closed her eyes tightly after successfully forming a visible crack in her eyelids, emitting a soft whine through the oxygen mask on her face. Hyunwoo immediately understood the situation and tightened his grip on Haein's hand while his other hand rubbed her forehead, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Beomja soon understood the situation and quickly ran to turn down the lights inside the room and the blinds in the windows. Within moments, the soft orange glow from the bedside table's lamps was the only source of light inside the room.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Hyunwoo said repeatedly while rubbing Haein's head in a soothing manner, "can you try again this time, yeobo?"
Haein's eyes fluttered more hesitantly and slowly this time but Hyunwoo almost fell to his knees in relief when he finally saw her eyes open slightly. "Haein-ah," he whispered, tears of happiness welling up in his eyes, "Haein-ah."
Beomja covered her mouth to stifle her sobs and planted a soft kiss on Haein's head, "Thank goodness," she said through tears, "You did well, Haein-ah". She flashed Haein with an endeared smile before turning her gaze to Hyunwoo.
"I'm going to get the rest of the family. I'll be back," she said nodding briefly and looking at him pointedly in an encouraging manner, immediately reminding Hyunwoo of the possibility they were all fearing: that Haein may have completely lost her memories. Hyunwoo nodded back, trying to muster up some hope and strength despite the tangle of nerves forming in his stomach as Beomja left the room and left him and Haein alone.
Upon returning his gaze to Haein, he saw how she was observing the tubes in her arms and taking in her surroundings carefully, just like how a newborn foal would upon being born.
"You need to be by my side when I open my eyes. It's like imprinting. I'm going to be like a newly hatched duckling. I'll trust whomever I see first."
Hyunwoo immediately felt a sense of relief that he decided to stay and that Haein woke up when he was by her side. He cannot imagine the sense of guilt and dread he would feel if he had left her alone during that moment when she was at her most vulnerable. Seeing the questioning look on Haein's face, Hyunwoo smiled at her softly, "It's okay Haein-ah. You just had undergone surgery but you're okay now."
Haein attempted to sit up but immediately winced and let out a hiss upon making the feeble attempt to sit, immediately grabbing Hyunwoo's hand as tight as she could as she was overcome with a sense of dizziness. Hyunwoo, noting the sign of discomfort, immediately rubbed her forehead and gently put a hand on her shoulder to halt her movements. "It's okay, it's okay," he comforted in a soft voice. "The doctors told me you might experience some pain and dizziness after the surgery, but they said it's completely normal."
Haein nodded defeatedly, before slowly raising her arm to point at the oxygen mask in her face. Hyunwoo continued rubbing soothing figures on Haein's hand while he replied to Haein's unspoken question, "I'm not sure if we can remove it right now but I'll ask the doctors once they come here immediately. It's okay," Hyunwoo replied, slightly forlorn of being unable to ease Haein's discomfort completely. He could see the worry in her eyes, but he tried to reassure her with a gentle smile. "You're going to be just fine, I promise," he said, hoping his words would bring her some comfort.
Seeing the questioning looks Haein still kept giving him, Hyunwoo let out a big defeated sigh and braced himself. Despite wanting to prolong the moment of this quiet bliss, where he is just Hyunwoo comforting her now-cured wife from a brain tumor, he knew he could no longer pretend that everything would be okay moving forward. He knew what was coming next: the confirmation of whether Haein lost all of her memories or not.
He read multiple articles about the post-recovery process for the procedure done to Haein and the side effects. Hell, it was him who convinced Haein that they could weather the storm they may have with the side effect of her losing her memories due to the surgery. But it was as if all those nights of preparation were of naught because how can you fully prepare yourself for the possibility of your wife losing all of her memories of you? That such possibility is now becoming a reality?
He forced a shuddering breath and smiled encouragingly, forcing down all of his inner turmoil to not burden Haein with his worries, not when she must be lost and confused right now. "What do you remember, Haein-ah?"
A second passed.
Then a two.
Before Haein uttered the two words that Hyunwoo never knew he would be so glad to hear again from her lips.
"Baek Hyunwoo?" she whispered in a ragged voice through the oxygen mask.
Hyunwoo immediately looked at her in disbelief, immediately wiping the tears in his eyes that made his vision of her blurry. "What?" he asked unbelieving, pinching himself on his thigh with his other hand while the other remained holding onto hers tightly. "What?" he uttered again, stuttering as his mind failed to catch up on what was happening.
"Baek Hyunwoo," Haein repeated in a hoarse voice, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and pain, "Are you Baek Hyunwoo?"
Within moments, it felt like a cold bucket of water was splashed on Hyunwoo's back and he smiled in defeat. Of course, how silly of him to presume. Despite the facts telling him that there was a high chance that Haein would lose all of her memories, there was still a stubborn deep side of him that refused to lose hope that she would push through the surgery with her memories intact. Haein's the most stubborn woman he has met. It was one of the endearing traits that made him fall in love with her. Surely her stubborn streak would manifest in this case as well.
But it seems Haein's stubborn streak is not enough for this situation.
Hyunwoo failed to realize how long he took to respond, too overwhelmed with emotions to even hide his pain from Haein. He was pulled back to reality when he felt the soft caress of Haein's hand on his face, her eyes full of concern. "Are you okay?" she asked through the oxygen mask, slightly wincing in discomfort over the long period of disuse of her vocal cords.
Hyunwoo shook her head and grabbed Haein's hand on his face. It was selfish of him, to lean to Haein's comfort when it should be him who was comforting her. Before she proceeded with the surgery, she worried about the possibility that she would mistreat him once she lost her memories. Yet, here she was, just woken up from surgery yet was the one comforting him. Despite his inner turmoil, Hyunwoo succumbed to the temptation of leaning his face on Haein's hand, seeking comfort from her warmth. "I'm sorry, it must have been pretty confusing," he replied while smiling through his tears, "Yes, my name is Baek Hyunwoo."
Haein nodded softly, "And my name, you called me Haein?"
Hyunwoo felt a stab of pain pierce his heart over how confused Haein looked but he pushed through the pain and smiled encouragingly, "That's right, your name is Hong Haein."
Haein observed him silently, her hand still held tightly by Hyunwoo's hand over his face. "How weird," she said softly, eyebrows furrowing further in confusion.
"What is?" Hyunwoo asked, looking at her in concern.
"I remembered your name over mine," she replied in a direct and offhanded manner. How she managed to relay such emotions even through the hoarseness of her voice and the oxygen mask covering her face was beyond Hyunwoo's comprehension. "Are you that important in my life I remembered your name over my own?"
Perhaps in a different situation, Hyunwoo would feel hurt over how Haein sounds as if she was offended and befuddled. But right now, Hyunwoo cannot help but laugh in a mixture of genuine amusement and relief. Because despite her memory being gone, Haein is still the same. Still the same spunky woman who is not afraid to speak her mind. Still the same woman who captured his heart all those years ago. And still the same stubborn woman who loves him enough to make herself not forget his name despite forgetting her own.
Hyunwoo continued laughing through his tears and laughing even more at seeing the look of confusion on Haein's face, no doubt judging his sanity. Hyunwoo grabbed Haein's hand on his face and clasped it with both of his hands, bringing his forehead into their clasped hands as if in a form of prayer, "Thank you Haein-ah. Thank you,"
Before Hyunwoo could say anything further, their moment was interrupted by the loud bang of the door being thrown open, Soocheol's loud "Noona!" immediately penetrating the once tranquil atmosphere in Haein's room.
Hyunwoo attempted to move a little bit to Haein's side further to give space to the Hongs but he suddenly felt Haein's hand gripping his hand, surprisingly tight and firm. "Don't leave me," Haein said in a soft whisper, eyes pleading and reflecting a myriad of emotions ranging from anxiety to confusion. Hyunwoo smiled comfortingly, immediately thrown over the fact that she immediately trusted him and how she looked so much alike to what she looked like few minutes before she went inside the operating room.
Like a newborn duckling indeed.
Hyunwoo adjusted his grip on Haein's hand and rubbed it soothingly with his thumb, nodding encouragingly at her. He saw how she let out a sigh of relief and he couldn't help but smile wider at seeing how Haein behaved the same despite the lack of her memories.
As the Hongs crowded the room and expressed delight and concern over Haein's regained consciousness, Hyunwoo noticed that not once did Haein waver her grip on his hand. Not when the doctor finally allowed her to remove her oxygen mask. Not when the Hongs reintroduced themselves to her through their tears. Not when Haein's parents immediately shushed her confused apologies for forgetting them nor when Soocheol apologized once again for the talisman he once carried.
Hyunwoo couldn't help but thank the Heavens above as his prayers were granted. He would never get over the grief and despair over her loss of memories. Of the quiet moments they shared. Of the secret kisses they stole from each other. Of the quarrels they had and how they managed to push each other's buttons to the extremes. Of the invisible string tying their fates since they were young. He would never fail to mourn the what-ifs and the regrets they had that now he alone would carry.
But just like he promised, it's alright because he remembers everything and he can tell everything he knows. And for now, that is enough. It would always be enough reason to stay because it's Haein, and Hyunwoo's love for her would never change.
Seeing how Haein looked at him as if he held the answers to all her questions and how she never relinquished her grip on his hand or his coat as if to prevent him from leaving, Hyunwoo smiled down at Haein as she continued to listen to the tales of her family.
Yes, it is enough.