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Haven was a peaceful and quiet place to begin with.
The small rivers flowing through it, the gentle breeze of an early summer day, so contrary to the skies outside of Mysidia. Back under Primogenesis. Where Origin was looming over them, no ray of sunshine falling onto one's skin. No stars in the sky at night to send your wishes to.
But here? Everything was back as it was supposed to be. Yes, it was the doing of the glamour but that didn't taint the joy that Jill felt over the last days.
For most of her life, she was certain that the north basically died due to the blight. But here she could smell the flowers, stained in blue, the elders ' blessing. It reminded her of snow daisies. Both flowers are blooming in places that shouldn't nurture life to begin with. Not anymore at least.
But not only the flowers or the clear water. Everything in Mysidia screamed "I'm alive". The trees and bushes surrounding the village, the vast meadow leading to Waljas "home" for the last 80 years, until today.
So much happened in such a short time. First the encounter with the Timekeeper at the top of the aire of the hour, where she could feel Shiva as clear as the day the Ice Eikon awoke in her all those long years ago. She could still feel her after entrusting Clive with her power, but it rather felt like a snowflake inside of her, instead of a full blown blizzard as it had for seventeen years. But on top of the ruins, the legacy of another of Shivas dominant, it came crashing back to her like it called her. And Jill was the only person who could answer that call.
Clive had felt it too, of course he had. Be it due to his special abilities or being Mythos or the close connection he shared with her, they weren't sure about.
But mere seconds after she helped Shula absorb the very magic that cost the former Dominant her life and Waljas his freedom, things got only worse. Having to watch Clive fighting Leviathan hunted her even now, hours later.
Knowing that sleep would not find her anytime soon, she decided to take a breath of fresh air.
Shula provided them with beds in the Whitahall, blankets to fight off the colder night air, not that Jill needed any. She used to sleep with the windows of her bedroom open as a child, loving the fresh air of the north, much to the disdain of her chambermaids, who told her more than once, that her room was freezing cold and she would surely get sick one day because of it.
She ignored them and continued this habit even in Rosalith. Although even in the deepest winter, it was so much warmer than the north had been.
Later on, when she had to sleep inside the volcano that was Drake's Breath, she wished for nothing more than the Rosarian air. Jill tried to shake off the mere thought of her time in the Iron Kingdom.
Slowly and quietly, Jill stepped out of the hall, leaving her rapier and most of her clothes behind, leaving her in just her shoes, her black trousers and the white blouse. She wanted to just sit on the steps to the hall for a few minutes. There would be no use of getting dressed up again.
Closing the second set of massive double doors behind her, she slowly stepped down the stairs, sitting down at the last, her legs stretched out, her head thrown back to look at the stars for a few minutes, just enjoying the quiet sounds the animals nearby made. In the distance she could hear the soft “kweh” of a Chocobo, probably Ambrosia.
Jill let her mind wander off for a few more moments before she heard the opening and then closing of said doors. She didn't need to open her eyes to see who followed her outside, but a small smile crossed her lips.
“Couldn't sleep?” Clive whispered, as he sat down a few steps above her, so she could rest her head against his chest.
“Not really. And you? Aren't you tired after everything that happened today?” Jill answered as she settled herself into Clive's embrace.
“I am. But I heard you leaving, so I needed to check. You know, that I don't like sleeping without you near me”. Now that she paid attention to it, Clive's voice sounded raspy, as he just woke up.
“I'm sorry. But being here, feeling Shiva again…it brought back so many memories and feelings”.
“Do you want to talk about it? You know you don't have to, but I'm here to listen if you want” absently Clive's hands started to play with her hair. First brushing his finger through her long strands, before taking a few and started braiding them. Jill could only smile coyly at the motion. Her heart was beating just a tiny bit faster.
She knew how much Clive loved to work his hands through her hair. Even long before the night at the shadow coast, when the last remaining hesitation left them both and they finally became one, both in mind and body, did he loved to touch her.
He would have never said so or asked her for it, but when she felt sick a few months after settling into the new Hideaway, and just a few weeks after Clive's brand removal, both of them were trapped into Clive's chambers. Officially it was his chambers, but since the first night they slept there, it was theirs.
First, Jill slept alone in the bed, Clive on the small couch they retrieved from the old hideaway, but after a few days and nightmares, they would find sleep only with the other nearby. Sleeping on opposite sides at first, but waking up almost every day tangled into each other.
But only after Jill was too sick to stand up for longer than a few moments, did she ask Clive for help with her hair. She couldn't lift her arms up for long enough to brush through it and pining it up again.
So Clive started to take care of her. First he was so afraid to hurt her, accidently pulling on her hair as he brushed through it.
But he didn't. Of course he didn't, Jill thought.
After she felt better again, she asked Clive if he wanted to learn how to braid her hair as well.
Clive was hesitant at first, blushing a bit that Jill had seen right through him. He never asked for something selfish. Something just for him. He was told since he was just a boy of five summers that he had to serve others. Be it Joshua or the duchy. Or later the imperial army, he could probably count the times he asked for something he wanted with just one hand.
But when she tilted her head just so, a little “Hmm?" accompanied her question, he nodded. And then she saw his eyes light up, his beautiful blue eyes shining even more.
Somehow, taking care of her hair calmed Clive, his brows no longer in furrowed, his body relaxed instead of tensed as if he needed to jump into a battle at any given second. And once he got the hold of it, he never stopped.
In the most quiet of times, Jill would simply lay down with her head in Clive’s lap, reading a book or missives, while Clive braided her hair in every which way and with different techniques. They both relinquished the closeness and the few domestic moments they had in between saving the world.
So sitting here now, in her actual homeland, with her in Clive's arms, the feeling of home returned, amplified. Jill wished that this is what life would be in a few days from now.
After the fall of Origin. After all duties are done and they can be just themselves. Sure, it will be hard work, living in a world suddenly robbed of its foundation of centuries, but it will be worth it.
“Before coming here, I always wondered if it would feel like a homecoming at all. I don't remember much of my life here. I remember that I loved the winter sun on my skin. It gave me goosebumps all over my arms”
Just in time with her sentiment, Clive gently brushed one hand from her hair to her arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake, he really was her sun. He always had the same effects on Jill.
“But other than that, my memories are very vague. I remember what my room looks like, how the forest nearby smelled but the important things, I barely remember at all. I don't know how my parents sounded anymore. Their faces get blurred more with each passing day. Our rituals are just a nick in the back of my mind”. Clive was sure, she never sounded so defeated before. So vulnerable.
Jill took a deep breath, still leaning in closer against Clive. “And Rosalith always felt much more like a home to me. I spent the happiest days with you and Joshua there. The memories of those days helped me through the thirteen years of killing and abuse. But even those feelings are so far away now. Like it was in another lifetime.
Seeing Kupka tearing it down broke my heart. It was like a part of me was brought down with the walls of the town and is now laying under rubber and ash.”
Clive could see how glassy her eyes became. Those beautiful blue-gray eyes he loved so much. But Jill was trying to blink them away, clearing her throat before continuing.
“But most of my life, I spent at the Iron Kingdom, not that I liked it there, but for thirteen years this was all I knew. There were times, in which I was almost glad to be back at Drake's Breath. It means that I don't have to kill innocent people, for no reason other than the twisted beliefs the orthodoxy had. Being on the mountain meant not having hands stained in other people's red. Only with my own blood on them. I hated myself for wanting to go back there. But at the same time, it calmed me, giving me time to breathe. I still know everything about their faith. Every ritual, I even learned their language. I would still be able to understand them perfectly and answer them without a second thought. But I don't want to know all this. I never wanted to know any of this in the first place. Why can't I forget all this and get the memories back that I actually want?”
Jill still tried to stop the tears from falling, but with little success.
“I was so afraid of coming back here and feeling like an outsider. Can I even call myself a northerner? A Rosarian? Do I even have the right to call this place home and being here a homecoming? Do I deserve all the kind words the people here have for me?”
Jill shuffled a bit, so she could look Clive in the eyes. Just doing so always gave her the strength to continue.
“But after everything we discovered today and learned in the last days, I realized, a part of me never left the north and that I can have more than one home. This is just one of them.” A sigh left Jill's lips, before she continued.
“I've also learned that my true home, where I feel like I really belong, is just where you are. No matter where we are, as long as we're together, that's my home.” Jill tilted her head back to look at Clive, his look one of awe and understanding.
“Jill, I…” Words out of reach, he simply took her hand in his, and kissed each knuckle one by one, before pressing a last kiss to her wrist. “I know what you mean. For thirteen years, I was forced to live and kill for a country that was not mine. To live a life I never wanted to live. But you brought me back home. You are the one constant in my life that will never change. But I'm glad you got the chance to be here once again. I told you before, I want to see you spread your wings and see the world at your side. And it means the world to me, to finally see that you are with my own eyes.”
Brushing the tears from her cheeks, he gently held her face.
“If you are afraid of forgetting about the north, I'll help you remember it. How about we wrote something together once we're done with Ultima and Origin? Harpocrates suggested that I should write about my life. I think you should do the same. We can look into other books for some of the rituals the north had. And then, when we both reach the parts we endured together, we'll write them together. So we got all sides covered and can spread the word how the north was. And maybe we can get Gav on board as well. Maybe he remembers things that you didn't. Or we can ask for the motes of water. I'm sure they found a lot of information about what happened here when they first set foot on Mysidia.”
Jill didn't know it was possible to love this man any more than she already did, but somehow, he managed to do exactly that.
“ I…I think that's a wonderful idea. And when this is over, before we start writing our stories, I want to go home for one final time. I know the blight took over most of the region long ago, but I want to see it again. Show you where I grew up.
But I've to warn you. It's much colder than here. We got long winters and short summers. Unlike here, Mysidia is benefiting from being so close to Sanbreque and its weather.” And I want to go to Rosalith too. I know that the undying and the guardians of the flame are trying to rebuild the town and the castle. I want to see my room again and I want to stand on our balcony again. But this time without losing you the next day.” Jill loved to dream out loud of what she wanted to do in the future and her dreams were the most beautiful sound to Clive's ears. He would stop at nothing to see her do that.
“And Clive? Thank you. For listening. For encouraging me. For being just there when I need you the most. Although your day was more than troublesome.”
“Jill, you know that I will always be here to listen. Nothing, not even a eighty -year old infant throwing a tantrum with his Eikon can change that. And for our trip to the north? I can't wait to see it. No matter what's left of it. It's a part of you, so it's a part of me. And I will make sure to ask Hortense to make a scarf and a coat for us. You may be the warden of Ice, but I don't want you to catch…a cold” Clive chuckled at his own bad joke.
Jill laughed “Founder, that one was bad Clive, really bad.”
“But you are laughing, couldn't been that bad”
“Only because it's so rare for you to make a joke. Even if it's a bad one”
“I thought today was the day. I remembered all my lines for the rite, so I can make a joke as well”
“Fair enough. You did really well today. Better than your Lord Underhill performance in Dalimil. Or Sir Crandall at Port Isolde. Or back when we were young and you recite poets every day after our lessons. Jill laughed even more.
“You wound me, My Lady. I thought my divine stage play is part of the reason you fancy me?”. Clive put one hand over his heart in a fake affords.
“I fancy you for a lot of things. But luckily for all of us, there are things you are much more skilled at at plays” Jill's voice suddenly turned flirtatious.
“Hmm and what would that be?” Clive asked suggestive
“I don't know anymore. I think you have to remind me”
Without another word, Clive leaned forward, hand on Jill's chin to keep her head tilted back to kiss her. Chaste at first, lips just lingering onto each other.
But after a few moments, he broke the kiss, and gently pulled at Jill's arm, until she stood up to turn around and settle down in Clive’s lap. This time, when their lips met, it was far from chaste. Jill gently pulled at Clive's lower lip with her teeth fro him to open up to her.
Tongues slowly dancing with the other, while Jill's hands were brought up to Clive's neck, running through his hair, pulling him slightly closer. His left hand cupping her head while the other one rested on her waist, drawing lazy patterns into her skin.
Every once in a while, they needed to part for air, just drove right back into kissing.
Just sitting entangled into each other, kissing and feeling the other, hearing the soft whimper they made, it simply became their favorite part time after the night at the shadow coast.
A kiss to say hello, a kiss to say goodnight and when they were honest, a kiss every time they were alone, with or without reason. They lost so much time and never wanted to miss another chance. It just felt liberating to be able to do as they wished.
Some nights, they just layed down in their shared bed, kissing and caressing the other. Not always in a sexual way. Sometimes sharing one's soul was just as satisfying as sharing one's body.
And with the logistics of the Witahall, it was definitely the former than the letter. Joshua would only pretend to be asleep until a certain point was crossed.
But Jill was not sad about the missed opportunity, since she wanted to explore something else tonight. Now that she feels so much lighter. Like a weight was falling down her shoulders.
But not without a few more minutes in the arms of the man she loved, tasting the lemon tart they had as dessert on his tongue. This. This was the feeling of home. No country's borders will ever change that. She may be the princess of the northern territories, the ward of Rosaria, the Dominant of the Iron Kingdom and the second in charge of the Hideaway but first and foremost, she was just Jill. Not caring about where she lives as long as she can live with Clive at her side.
With the greatest reluctance, did Jill eventually part from Clive, in the end, she didn't trust herself to not drag Clive under the nearest waterfall and have her way with him. So she distangeld herself from him, catching her breath.
“Jill?” Clive's voice was ragged just as hers.
“Can I ask another favor of you? she knew the answer, knew Clive never refused her, but she never wanted to take this for granted.
“Always”
Jill admitted “I want to visit the grave of the other Shiva. I feel like I must pay her my respect and I still can feel her aether calling me.”
Clive stood up, taking her hand back in his “Of course. We can leave first thing in the morning.”
Shaking her head, Jill whispered “I want to go there now. I don't know if I can rest without being there first.”
“Then let's do it. We can grab our weapons and go there. It's not that far away and the path should be clear.” Clive smiled a small smile, reassuring Jill.
Not only did Clive and Shula kill every monster on the Fathers Fall that could be a potential danger for the villagers but most of the monsters living in Mysidia were day active anyway. Technically there's no better time to travel than in the dread of the night.
They wouldn't need to gear up again and could make the trip in just their simple clothes. Clive actually liked the thought. Traveling with Jill, without their full set of armor, just in their everyday clothes. As life should be and will be. And he couldn't wait for it.
After grabbing their swords, Jill stopped by the large field of elder's blessings and plucked a few of the flowers for a little bouquet. Afterwards they made for the gate, luckily, Shula granted them unlimited access to the village and told every person living there to aid them however possible. So it was no trouble to get the gates open, heading towards Father's Fall.
Just as anticipated, the travel was uneventful, if anything it was rather comforting. The forest looked even more peaceful at night and the small river they came by sparkled beautifully in the moonlight, a few domestic birds chirping far away and Clive never let go of Jill's hand. They didn't talk much on their way but didn't need to. Just being together was enough and they understood each other perfectly even without words.
When they reached the small hill above the ruins of Shivas dominants old home, Jill let go of Clive's hand, slowly approaching the gravestone before placing the flowers in front of it, bowing her head in silence. Clive came up to her side, mimicking her gesture. After a few minutes, Jill lifted her head and sat down on the wall on the opposite side.
“Did you know that there are only two Eikons with preferred bloodlines? Jill asked all of a sudden.
Clive nodded “Aye. Phoenix and Bahamut.”
“Aye. But it is said that Shiva also had her preferences, if not in blood but in a region. She could awaken in everyone, as long as this person was born in the middle and south of the territories. She didn't care if it's the fifth child of a poor family, a wise physician or…a princess. She just wanted to remain where her home was.” Jill shuffled a bit closer to Clive, his warmth calming her nerves.
“When we were on top of the aire of hours, and I absorbed a bit of her aether, I could feel her fears and sorrow. She knew she was about to die if she cast the spell to stop the death of Drake's Eye, but she didn't care. She wanted to protect it at all costs. So her home could endure. But there was something else she wanted to protect at all costs. I think that's the reason she created the Egi. I wonder what that was.” Jill puzzle.
Clive remembered what he learned about her dominant just this afternoon.
“Her name was Ysay. And I think I know what she wanted to protect. Delina told us that after she died and the current war ended, a knight was spotted in front of her grave. And from what she was told by her forebears, the armor of the knight looked just like the one of the Timekeeper. I think he wasn't just an Egi, but that he received Shiva's blessing and became her shield after his death. To protect for what she died.”
“Ysay…” Jill murmured the name. “ I didn't even know that Shiva could give her blessing too.”
“I some kind of way, you gave me her blessing as well. Like you said for yourself. I may wield Shiva's power but you wield her spirit. She lives in the both of us.”
“I suppose. Do you think he can now rest in peace with her?”.
“Aye. Of that I am sure.” Clive tried to sound as optimistic as possible.
They sat in silence for a while, Clive could almost hear Jill thinking.
Suddenly Jill spoke again “You said the knight became her shield…?”
“He fought with all his might to protect her legacy. I think that's what shield is doing. Protecting those they love. If not, I need to speak to Joshua, because I was misled into being one myself.”
Jill's eyes turned more seriously. “I cannot stop to see the parallels between her…Ysay and myself. I would do anything in my power to protect our people. But what is left of this power? I feel just as weak as she must have been. I accepted Shiva as a part of me long ago. But the price I had to pay for her power left me feeling powerless. Of what use am I? I can't even come with you facing Ultima. Tarja was rather clear on what happened if I'll ever prime or even semi-prime again. I fear that it might be the other way around. That I'm left behind instead of the knight. I would gladly die for you to live, but I want to live with you. I don't want to stand alone on your grave with only memories to remind you of.”
Clive let go of her hand, to sit in front of her, cupping her face in his large hands.
“Jill, don't you dare think so low of yourself. Yes, you can't prime anymore but priming is not what defines you. You are so much more than Shiva. And our position is completely different from theirs. This Shiva had to fight alone. Her knight pulled away from her. Yes, I'm going to Origin without you in flesh but not in spirit.
And you are not alone as well. We are so many people fighting this battle together. Just because you can't come with us to Origin doesn't mean you're not part of it. I couldn't do any of this without you. And I swear on my honor as a Shield, I'll come back to you. You won't be standing at my grave, not for the next 50 years at least. I'm planning to get old with you Jill. So old that our hair will match one day. So old that I can't do much more than lay with you, spending every waking moment in your light.
We won't suffer the same faith. We are not them. You are not him. I am not her.
You know what Harpocrates said to Dion the other day? Our roots do not define us.
Yes, Shiva chose both of you for the same reason, your birthplace, but that doesn't mean your fates have to match.
We fight against God himself to decide our own fates, if you believe in me and in us, there is nothing that can stand in our way.
If I knew for certain, that you wouldn't have to prime, of course you would be coming with me. But I cannot guarantee that. But knowing that you'll have our backs, is just as important. I trust no one to protect the Hideaway other than you. We don't know what awaits us if we crack open Origin. There may be monsters attacking the land and you can defeat them. You can give me a place to return to.
We are not our past from another lifetime, we are now, we are our future, Jill. And no coincidence from a hundred years ago will change that. Besides we don't know about any other Shiva. Maybe they all lived a happy life and Ysay was just the exception. So, do you believe in fate or do you believe in us?”
By the time Clive finished, tears were running down his own face. And he wasn't embarrassed about it. He knew he could always show his feeling open with her besides him. Be it fear, joy or anger. He needed her to believe him. To believe that they were meant to be together, not just for a few moons, but for a lifetime and the next ones to come. Because one life at the side of Jill Warrick was not enough for Clive.
He still held her face in his hand. Eyes ever looked with hers, he needed her to see every ounce of love he had for her. He never said it loud until now, but he needed her to understand. That no matter what, he would always come back to her. To escape their faith and look at the moon again. Together. Just as they vowed that night on the shadow coast.
Jill slowly opened and closed her mouth, unsure how to form the words she wanted to say. Instead bring her hands up her face to cover Clive's with her own. She could see the determination in his eyes. She could see the love he held for her. Even when they were young, Jill could read Clive like an open book, but in this moment clearer than ever before.
So she took in a slow breath, leaning her forehead against Clive's and let the words flow just as the currents they faced today.
“Our roots do not define us? Somehow, you always find the right words to bring me down again. Down to you, Clive. You truly are my greatest gift and my light in the dark.”
“Harpocrates said them, but thank you for the compliment” Clive brushed his nose alongside Jill's. It's always those little gestures they both treasured the most.
Smiling just the tiniest bit, Jill continued. “I trust you." I believe in you and even more, I believe in us. I will fight. Fight in your stead. For our home, for our people. I want to show Shiva and now Ysay, that we will win. That their sacrifice was not in vain. For them to the north bloom again with the motes of water as its people. I will be strong from them when they cannot be. My blood may be north. But my strength to protect those I love comes from Rosaria. My will to survive from the Iron Kingdom. My desire to fight from the hideaway. My will to go on comes from you.
I want you to return to me. To make a new home in the future. Making new rituals. Combining yours with mine. And if you decide not to come back to me, I will search the whole world until you're back at my side. I will stop at nothing and no one. You can't escape me my Lord Rosfield. I want to be with you. "Forevermore."
“Forevermore then” Clive whispers against Jill's lips before closing the gap between them. And hugging her close to him afterwards.
Again, they stayed wrapped up in each other for a while. Letting the beats of their hearts, now beating the same rhythm, speak the words they cannot say today. But someday. Someday soon they will.
“We should head back, it's almost dawn” Jill murmured into Clive's shoulder.
“Are you sure? We can stand a while longer if you want?” his own voice muffled into Jill's tunic.
“I'm fine. I just want to talk to her for a moment alone. If that's okay with you”.
“Of course.”
After being in each other's arms for so long, it felt weird and cold to be alone again, but after helping Jill up, his hands lingering just a moment longer, Clive started walking away a bit to give Jill some privacy. Not wanting to eavesdrop on her.
Jill on the other hand, walked over to Ysay grave, placing one hand on the cold stone. One hand on her heart. While the first rays of sunshine travel down the ruins of Yasys home.
“Thank you. For protecting our home. For protecting your legacy. Thank you for your strength.” A light frost formed on the tip of Jill's hand at the stone. “I will make it count. So you can rest in peace. To see your beloved one again. We will take care of the rest. I promise.”
And just as Jill whispered those words, she felt a cold breeze on her cheek and what felt like a hand on her shoulder. As if Ysay and Shiva were here with her. The sun is now fully rising and illuminating the ruins in a bright light. “One day, I will come back. Not just for my past but for yours as well. So we can add the name of our Knight to this stone as well. So you'll never have to part…” Jill looked up and over to Clive, waiting for her. “...just as we'll never have to part. So we can both stay with them…”
“Forevermore.”