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Sinclair is the only one who knows the truth about Kromer.
Oh, he’s fine with being referred to with “she”, but it’s certainly not what he prefers. He invited him over for lunch and a sleepover, and Sinclair had to plead with his parents for a bit for them to let him go. It was frustrating. By the name of the Head itself, it’s the weekend! Besides, there’s no real problem with Kromer besides the twinkle of envy in his eyes. He’s always been clearly jealous of Sinclair’s ability to transition and make his flesh the purest it could possibly be.
He still remembers the first time Kromer opened up to him about this. They were having lunch outside school. Kromer suddenly rested his hand on Sinclair’s wrist. Naturally, he flushed red and shifted; he had considered asking Kromer out before. He knew his friend liked him, yet never had the guts to say anything about liking him back. Closely he leaned in and Sinclair kissed him, the taste of Kromer’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich still on his mouth. Kromer was beginning to take the lead, running a hand across his side to pull him in for a hug when Sinclair jumped away.
With a chuckle Kromer pulled away as well, looking into his eyes. Reaching out, he held Sinclair’s hand before the boy could bite his nails in nervousness. “Pfft… Hahaha…!” Kromer’s eyes seemed to twinkle, tears forming in the corners. “You really are cute, Sinclair. You know, you’re the only one who’s never betrayed me.”
“Eh? Y — You, uh, thank you!” Sinclair stammered and wiped his mouth. “I like you, I really do. I’m just nervous, that’s all.”
“My Sinclair, it’s just fine.”
My Sinclair?!
“But there’s something I should tell you.”
“Huh?”
He held his hand once more.
“You wish to change your flesh, yet not replace it with filth, do you not?”
“I’ve… I’ve been on testosterone for a while, if that’s what you mean. It’s a whole process and not very easy, I’m sorry, are you confused? I can explain —”
The grip on Sinclair’s hand tightened. With his free hand he shushed him, finger to his lips. “I think I want to be a man too.”
It’s been three months since then. Kromer already lives alone, unlike Sinclair. After a meal of chicken ordered from downtown they lay down on the couch, TV playing the news of K Corp. It’s all boring things about the Wings, legal scuffles, and various domestic political issues.
“I wish I could purify my flesh the way you can,” Kromer laments. He’s been laying on top of Sinclair for a while at this point. While the weight is comforting, it’s starting to hurt. “I never knew why I was so obsessed with my own flesh, my own impurities, and feeling as though I am trapped within my own skin. I’ve always felt the need to ascend above and become whole. But you, Sinclair… You are whole.”
He doesn’t want to mention his parents being embarrassingly rich. Kromer is already aware of that anyway. That’s most likely the only reason he’s been able to get this far, surgical procedure on his chest and all. “It’s just because of my parents helping me.”
“Ah, those filthy things. I’m sure you could’ve done it on your own, Sinclair. You’re strong.”
“Yeah — wait — Kromer… What about your own parents?” His eyes swivel to the side and he tilts his head, hands beginning to get sweaty. “I’ve never met them.”
Expectedly the other one goes silent. Then he speaks up with a cough. “We don’t talk.”
“Aaah? Alright. I won’t ask then.”
Kromer’s arms around Sinclair’s waist tighten. “Remember what I said on the day you confessed your heart to me, dear Sinclair?”
Sinclair’s hands are sweating more now. He’s not sure what to say.
“That you’re the only one who never betrayed me.” Kromer’s face nuzzles into his chest. Sinclair’s binder only adds to the sweat that’s culminating across his body, and he’s starting to feel a sense of dread coming over him.
Sinclair’s voice is small, hardly able to be heard. “I’d never betray you, Kromer.” There’s a cold hand touching his cheek, stroking it with a thumb. Kromer’s eyes are hooded and tired, dark circles beneath them. He hadn’t been sleeping much lately. Ever since he found those forums, he’s spent his nights hunched over in his chair, scrolling and scrolling until he passed out on the keyboard. For Kromer it was as though he was finally seen, for these people also believed in the purity of skin, blood, and bone.
The thought crosses his mind. He hasn’t checked them today. Why not show Sinclair?
Surely, he’d be interested…