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“And yesterday, Nagi also forgot his lunch at home, so I had to buy something for him!”
The man sitting in front of Mikage Reo had a knowing smile, and as soon as the mauve-haired boy was done talking, he looked away from him. His eyes wandered around the cafeteria, looking at other couples and how animated they seemed.
Reo didn’t notice any of this, as he was now busy quickly answering a text on his phone and then sipping on his coffee. These quiet moments weren’t uncomfortable between them, sometimes they liked to be on their own thing until a new topic popped up and the conversation restarted.
Just when Reo was about to say something about how much he loved that place, but he wasn’t sure why, maybe because his preferred order was always on point, or perhaps because the ambiance was great, or it could also be that picture of Nagi and him hanging on the wall of the most frequented customers, his date spoke first.
“You know, Reo.” The guy said after sipping on his own drink, his fingers playing with the straw. “We’ve been dating for almost a month.”
“Oh, really?” Reo answered and then stopped moving for a moment. Maybe it was the incorrect thing to say because his partner’s eyes turned just a bit sad at the comment.
A warm and heavy hand was placed over Reo’s, a tentative motion that evolved into joining both of their hands and then linking their fingers. He almost flinched at that action.
“Yeah, and I still wonder why I hear more about your friends than yourself.” Violet eyes opened a little bit more and shined with some surprise, trying to make sense of what he just heard.
Did he talk too much about everyone but himself?
Reo almost didn’t register the other’s hand gently stroking his own in a caring motion.
“I like you, Reo, so… can we focus more on our relationship?”
⚘
“And then you broke up with him?” Chigiri asked while checking the pan he had at the stove.
Everything for Reo was kind of a blurry memory of just spitting something along the lines of “Sorry, I can’t do this anymore, thank you for your time” and then finding himself at his friend’s apartment.
“Most likely.”
“What’s up?” Isagi asked, just joining after taking a shower, using a towel to dry up his hair as he walked to see what his roommate was going to feed them.
“Reo broke up with Yukimiya.” Chigiri answered before he could even speak or defend himself.
“Reo, you went out with the guy that you were supposed to interview for your father’s new department?”
“Was he your employee?” the pink-haired boy actually stopped paying attention to his fried rice to attack Reo with an accusatory expression on his face. “How desperate were you for dating?”
“How was I supposed to know it would end up like this?” Reo exclaimed instead of responding to the question.
Isagi and Chigiri just exchanged the same look that painted their faces whenever Reo went through another failed almost-relationship, deciding to not continue talking about it.
After eating, Reo refused to stay over as Bachira would be arriving soon. He always had too much energy and that would be impossible to handle in his current mood.
Luckily for him, as he was walking down a set of stairs, he met with the person with the lowest liveliness on the whole Earth.
“Ah, it’s Reo. Were you visiting Chigiri?” Nagi said while still climbing up the stairs at his always sloth-like pace. He lived one floor above their friends, alone, so it was normal to find him around there.
There was no greeting, just a familiar scent in the air and a soft tone of voice but still one that Reo could pick up from a crowd with no problem.
“Yeah, I was hoping to get home before the sunset.”
When Nagi arrived at the same step as him, their eyes connected. Both were obviously tired, and they never found a reason to deny their honest feelings to each other. One look and Nagi knew Reo hadn’t called Baya yet.
“Wanna come over?”
One look and Reo knew that the taller guy was about to put a controller in his hands to make him forget about whatever was on his mind.
And if he decided to sleep at Nagi’s, it was because of the advantage of the silent company his best friend gave him. Someone could think that it wasn’t a lot from Seishiro, but it was all that Reo wanted right now. He slid across the bed and pressed his face in between broad shoulders, both men fresh from a quick shower.
Just when he was about to fall asleep, Reo wondered if on any of his dates he ever talked about how grateful he was to Nagi since he never refused his constant need to show affection, despite not being a big fan of it.
⚘
“I wish on dandelions for you to be mine. I’ll plant them myself, spraying water every day so they can bloom faster, and I’ll watch them grow until I can blow their seeds, whispering to each one my wish until it comes true.
I always find myself wanting more, even though I know that I probably don’t deserve it. And I keep wishing to the point that I run out of breath and the next thing it crosses my mind is that I could just take it from your mouth.
In this dream, you are sitting in front of me where there are no walls that can hide us from each other, and it feels like we are the only people in the world because no one knows me like you do. There’s a different shine in your eyes today as if despite sitting in this infinite garden, you still found a way to keep something from me inside of you.
I want to be the one that you will confide in your secrets.
I want to be there when you have a bad day. Before the sun rises again, I want to see the smile that defies it.
I want to strip you naked and live under your skin, so you are always embracing me, and I can find every piece of the puzzle that’s missing.
I want to know the difference between a friend and a lover. How can I tell when one finished and the other began?
Maybe it has been like this forever, perhaps I only noticed when I kept calling your name like I could transform into the person that’s holding your hand.
I want to see your face when you notice that we have been sitting across a garden I grew from wishing too much for you to be mine. Be mine. Or at least never stop being my lighthouse, my home, and my shelter. I’ll do the same for you.”
⚘
When Nagi was sure that Reo had fallen asleep, he ever so slowly rolled around to face him, guiding his head towards his chest instead. He even allowed himself to leave a light kiss on purple hair as he closed his eyes again.
Another wish.
To go back to that place where we are together, and we are the only people in the world, and you know me better than anyone, and I know all your secrets, and you are mine.
⚘
Reo is scolded by his father for dating a possible employee and not a real bachelor. His father didn’t pay that much attention to the fact that Reo liked men back in the day, he just took it as an opportunity to make connections. That was where most of Reo’s failures in the love department came from.
“And where were you last night, if I am allowed to know that information?”
“At Nagi’s” Reo answered, still sitting on his desk in a room adjacent to his father’s, working on delayed papers.
Reo had woken up that morning in Nagi’s bed and jumped out of it when he saw that he would be late for work. It didn’t register the way Nagi was holding him nor the expression on his face when he quickly explained what happened with Yukimiya.
“I tried to grab breakfast at Nagi’s, but he survives on frozen food alone. He is quite irresponsible, so I think I will deliver real groceries to his apartment today. I need to ask the secretary to do that before continuing my work.”
Reo’s father grabs him by his shoulder to stop him.
“I know you care about your friend, but can you please talk to Yukimiya? He could be an asset to this company, and I don’t want to lose him because of childish stuff.” Reo moans mentally at that, thinking about the uncomfortable situation he is still in. He wishes he could return to Nagi’s and nap the day away in his bed. “Stop thinking about Nagi for a second and get this done first.”
That last thing makes something spark in Reo’s brain.
When he makes a pause on trying to process his thoughts, he is at the dinner table in his own house with his mother in front of him.
“Say, mother, do I mention Nagi a lot these days?”
“Not these days, dear.”
Reo sighs a little in relief.
“It has been like that since you met him back in high school.” The lady reveals that as if it was nothing. It nearly makes Reo choke on his drink and he excuses himself to his private bathroom.
Standing there in front of the mirror, he tries his best to put all his scrambled ideas in order.
The biggest one is the fact that he talks a lot about Nagi, as his mother said.
He checks his face for any hint that the reflection before him is a man who cannot physically go without mentioning his best friend to everyone. Then his eyes capture the clothes he put on that morning. Nagi’s.
The second idea is that his father had to ask him to stop thinking about Nagi.
Reo washes his face once and twice and then just hops in the shower to get rid of it. There must be something else inside him.
The third idea is Yukimiya asking him to concentrate more on their relationship.
Maybe that is what always failed in his dating life.
Reo ends up in his room. He passes along his desk, where a picture of Nagi and him in the soccer club at Hakuho’s sits quietly at the top; then in his closet, there’s a special drawer just for Nagi’s stuff whenever he comes over; there is his matching cactus with Nagi that the white-haired boy gifted him on his birthday.
The memory of Nagi saying “Don’t die before me” invades him…
Stop.
I am in love with Nagi, right?
… and is followed by the one where they made a promise to stay together.
And he only sees me as his friend.
⚘
Some days pass by and for Reo it’s easier than expected to keep acting as he normally does. He can’t risk his friendship with Nagi for something like love. The thing that always fails for him.
He speaks to Yukimiya and he reluctantly signs the contract to work in his father’s company. One less worry for now.
And the next one is their group hang out around Shibuya in which he currently is.
Chigiri and Isagi insist on getting a coffee, while Bachira goes for the sweetest thing on the menu. At the table, all three of them sit together and leave Nagi and Reo on their own side. A frequent action, but this time Reo jumps every time Nagi gets too close or their arms brush even in the slightest.
That thing about acting normal? Reo is just lying to himself. Now that his feelings have blossomed completely and he recognizes them, there is no stop.
A few days later, they are at Nagi and Kunigami’s team versus Isagi and Bachira’s team practice match. Even in college, they never stopped playing. Reo almost feels jealous of the way others get to train and make passes with Nagi like he used to.
I was the first one, I have been there since the beginning.
Seishiro looks a little taller in comparison from back then, and a lot broader. His muscles are a sight in that shirt, but what caught Reo’s attention the most were the thighs. He was recording a video of Nagi’s goal (anyone could say that he wasn’t even sure if Nagi was going to score and Reo would answer that he always does) when said man ran all the way back from the other team’s net.
Nagi gets close to the public and ignores the cameras and the screams, even the words from his coach and his team. He is looking at Reo from down at the field and makes a peace sign at him.
“I did it” Reo knows that is what he says because no one knows Nagi more than him.
It was almost like Nagi knew that Reo felt jealous for a moment since he couldn’t be beside him. Because no one knows Reo more than Nagi.
⚘
Unfortunately, Chigiri is the first one to find out. So Reo is currently holding his friend against the ground and fighting to get his phone back.
“You and Nagi, huh?” Hyoma says out of breath, from both struggling with Reo and laughing way too much in the process. “I could see it years ago. For someone so intelligent, it took you long enough.”
“You talk too much,” Reo says as he uses that moment to take his phone back and get up from the floor. He knew he would lament the decision of putting Nagi (just Nagi, and not a picture of both) as his wallpaper.
“When are you confessing, so I can go and cheer you up?” Chigiri sits down and remains calm, but there is a soft smile curving his lips.
“There will be no confessions, I won’t lose my friendship with Nagi.”
That grants Reo one of Chigiri’s most annoyed looks ever.
“Are you kidding?” He says, his pretty red hair falling from his bun as in cue to show how done he is already. “You, the guy who didn’t think twice before dating his coworker is now doubting to date the person he has known since… forever?”
“Yukimiya is different. I didn’t know him. I know Nagi too well. He is not interested in anything.”
“Wow, Reo. You are delusional but like... in a negative way.”
The front door is opened and Isagi takes off his shoes before finding them surrounded by the most depressing aura their apartment has seen since Rin visited last year.
“Hey Isagi, what is the word for a person who refuses to chase the love of his life because he thinks his feelings are not returned?” Chigiri almost gets jumped again by Reo but Isagi answers first.
“Pessimistic?” Isagi’s blue eyes go from one to the other and he connects the dots. “Wait, what is going on?”
“Do not talk about this with anyone, Chigiri, please.” Reo all but storms outside of the apartment. He is followed by both of them, who worriedly try to apologize.
⚘
All is well between the group, though. Except that Nagi looks for him more often and Reo is running out of excuses to not spend time together with the object of his affections. Especially since his mauve eyes started to wander across Nagi’s body whenever they were close. His chest, his abs, and his legs, his arms…
His lips.
Reo escapes again.
The moment he forgets his feelings for Nagi, he will be ready to continue their friendship. For now, it hurts to leave him behind to attend an imaginary reunion at his father’s company. But it is for the greater good.
Reo is walking through the campus and casually finds Bachira who is too honest for his own good.
“Chigiri is very sorry for pushing too much about your crush on Nagicchi.” Bachira says while practicing some tricks with the soccer ball. “You should talk to him soon.” He smiles softly at Reo.
“Who else did Chigiri tell about this?” Is Reo’s only question.
“No one, I just figured it out.” That makes Reo sigh and Bachira smiles wider. “Not even Isagi knows, he is too confused as to why they should apologize. He is good in everything except other’s feelings and relationships, you see. Well, maybe except during matches.”
For a moment Reo stops thinking about himself and a certain white-haired, good-looking man and remembers that he is in front of his friend. He was with Chigiri, too. He shouldn’t be afraid.
“Are you still crushing on Isagi, Bachira?”
“I don’t know when it started or when it will finish. I don’t think about it too much, I just let everything go at its own pace.”
“How can you do that? I’m genuinely dying here.”
“It’s because I don’t need my feelings to be returned. I just feel them.” Bachira makes the soccer ball go behind him, then over his head, and he catches it in his arms. “Isagi may not feel the same, or maybe he is too busy for relationships, or perhaps he doesn’t know yet and he will accept me. In any case, I will still be by his side.”
Reo’s violet eyes get wider and shiny at the comment. To love without conditions is something that goes completely against what his father has always instructed him.
To be with Nagi even if he fails to pursue a romantic relationship again… Reo wants that.
“Thank you, Bachira.”
“Anytime.”
So he gets up, and returns where he left Nagi a few minutes ago.
Bachira gets his phone out and texts the results of his intervention.
⚘
Reo is looking for Nagi at the rooftop of the building where he usually takes his naps. He gets messages from Chigiri (“I am here cheering you on as promised!”) and some from Isagi (“Now it makes sense, I can see you guys together”) and one from Kunigami (“Why am I the last one to know about this? I could have helped you”).
Reo has never been alone. He just felt pessimistic about everything.
He climbs the stairs trying to not mind the wind that is making his hair flow all over the place.
Nagi is fast asleep in a weird position, phone in hand, the background noise of a game playing, and Reo has never felt more full of love than in that moment.
He reaches for Nagi as he did when they first met.
⚘
Nagi blows another dandelion in his dream to fulfill his wish.
Be mine.
Nagi blinks away the last bits of sleep from being woken up so suddenly.
To go back to that place, to the infinite garden where it’s just us.
“Nagi, hear me out.”
“Reo… would you be mine?”
All of Nagi’s wishes are about to come true, he thinks. But they already were. To be the person they know the most, and the one they go to at the end of a bad day. He sees Reo’s smile rivaling the sunset behind him while he joins their hands.
The difference between a friend and a lover is the moment in which he will eventually go for the kiss.
And when Reo chuckles and answers in a timid voice, Nagi knows his wish of not keeping secrets between them has been fulfilled too.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.”