Work Text:
Solar sighed, walking into the room that used to be Sun and Moons room before it blew up.
He had been sleeping there more frequently recently, specifically the little room that used to be Moons. The room was still intact and the mattress was more or less okay so he just fixed up the charging cable and slept there most nights. It wasn’t ideal but he didn’t really need comfort at this stage. He’d gone so long without it it almost seemed less appealing.
He crawled into the room and threw his goggles onto the bed before sitting on it. He took a deep breath, taking off his superstar daycare shirt and opening his stomach hatch to taking out a slip of paper. It was a picture he’d managed to keep from his home dimension. It was a picture of his Sun and his Moon, before all the bad things happened, before he and Sun separated, before Moon's killcode got ripped out. When they were happy.
He kept the picture so he wouldn’t forget. He didn’t want to forget. He wanted to keep those good moments. The moments when he felt he actually had a chance of having a life and a family that loved him. He didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that he was the reason that was taken away from him. The fact that if he had just tried harder to convince Sun that he didn’t want his own body then maybe he’d still be here. And if they found a way around Moon's killcode, maybe Moon would be the same. Maybe he wouldn’t have been so bitter. Maybe he would have cared like he used to. But that was gone now. And he replaced them. He was a terrible brother to them.
The held the photo gently, rubbing his thumb along their smiling faces. Genuine smiles. Not those fake plastered ones, you could tell by their eyes. Their eyes scrunch up and sparkle when they’re happy. Sun's rays would flutter and spin when he was excited. Solar noticed that the Sun from this dimension didn’t do that. Neither did he jump up and down when he found something pretty or found something he thinks Solar or Moon might like. This Sun didn’t hug them all daily as a greeting. It almost put Solar off when he realized these differences.
He took a shaky breath and opened up his arm computer, opening up his memory files and finding the one he wanted. One time his Sun went into the mindscape to hang out, and Solar was tired and stressed. So Sun sang to him. He hugged him and sang ‘rises the moon.’ A classic for the daycare kids. Sun must have known he was fond of it and started singing it to help ease his mind at the time. He needed to hear his Sun sing again. Even if it was only a memory.
He pressed the play button and closed his eyes, listening as his Sun started singing. He heard the memory of him say: ‘what are you doing?’ Before his Sun chuckled lightly; ‘singing of course! Come here.’ Before he continued the soft voice he had, singing each note like he was made for it. Which he probably was being a daycare attendant. Solar’s rays twitched and sways in ways he only allowed them to when he was alone, feeling tears prick at the corners of his eyes as he listened to the memory. Sun stopped singing.
‘How was that little brother?’
‘It was.. nice I suppose. Thank you.’
Solar played the memory again.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Singing of course! Come here.’
The soft melody flooded into his ear receptors once again, making his tears flow down his face as he played the memory again and again and again for who knows how long. After a while he started to hum along with the memory, wiping away tears as he did so. He held the photo while he listened, missing his Sun terribly. He missed his Moon as well sometimes. The original Moon, the Moon that still had the killcode and his personality. Snarky but soft once you got to know him, smart and funny and kind. Even if the kindness was mainly directed towards Sun. He didn’t care. He missed that moon. Not the Moon that just had his memories. Not the Moon that abused him mentally and physically for almost a full year.
Solar stared at his hands, which were still gloved. He kept the memory on repeat, placing the photo beside him and he took his gloves off. His hands were dented and scratched and had welding marks all over them from where he tried to fix the casing. His endo skeleton had marks and scratches on it as well, from his many months of working on machines and fixing things- but also from the times his Moon tried to bash his head in with a wrench while angry, only for Solar to block it with his hands. His rays were pretty battered up to but he used the fact he worked on machines a lot as an excuse. And the marks on his chest and back were covered by his shirt. Not that he was ashamed of them, he honestly didn’t care about them that much. It was just how he got them that upset him.
He rubbed his fingers along each dent and scar and he softly hummed to the memory of Sun singing to him. Letting time stand still as he cried softly.
“Solar?”
Solar jumped, closing his arm computer shoving the photo back into his chest cavity and putting his gloves on quickly. He wiped the tears from his eyes as he turned around to see Moon standing at the entrance of the room. From the looks of it he’d been there a while. “Solar?” He said again, walking over.
“Oh hey Moon do you need something?” He said casually, turning his back to the door and grabbing his charging cable and began fiddling with it. Moon sat down on the bed next to him. Sitting in silence for a moment.
“Can I see it?” Moon asked after a while of almost awkward silence. Solar looked at him confused. “See what?”
“The memory.”
Solar’s rays retracted slightly, making him almost curse aloud. His rays were his main source of expression so he forced them to stay still everyday and only let them move when he’s alone. Moon looked at him curiously but didn’t mention it. “I-. I don’t know what you're talking about. Did you need something?” Solar tried to dodge the conversation, pulling his gloves a little further up his arm. Moon looked at him sadly, with worry evident on his face.
“The memory you were listening to. With the photo. Can I see it?” Moon tried again, letting Solar take his time to think. His rays twitched and shuttered before he manually forced them to stop. He opened his arm computer and pressed play again on the memory. It had already relooped so it was starting from the beginning again.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Singing of course! Come here.’
Suns singing filled the room once again, making Solars body heavy and sad again. Moon sat and watched the memory with Solar, offering slight comfort with his presence.
‘How was that little brother?’
‘It was… nice I suppose. Thank you.’
Solar closed his arm computer slowly. Letting the silence hang in the room for a moment before Moon spoke up. “Was that your Sun?” He asked softly. “Yeah..” Solar huffed, clasping his hands together almost anxiously. “How long.. were you standing there.” Moon sighed and put a hand on Solar's arm comfortingly. “Long enough. Let me see your hands. Please.” Moon said, blunt but also gentle. It was phrased as a command but said like a question. If Solar didn’t want to he didn’t have to. “I don’t want to.” Solar said bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest to hide his now fully gloved hands.
Moon nodded sadly, “okay. Do you want to talk about it?” Moon asked softly. Solar almost growled, his rays hurting slightly at the strain to keep them from shrinking and twitching. “There’s nothing to talk about.” Solar snapped, immediately regretting it as he said it. He hated getting mad at people. And he wasn’t mad, he was just upset. He hadn’t expected anyone to see him like his and it being Moon made it ten times worse.
“Okay. How about we talk about your rays then. I’ve never seen them move before.” Moon smiled, trying to help lighten the mood for Solars sake. Solar sighed, grabbing his rays slightly. “Yeah. I manually stop them during the day.” Solar huffed, patting his legs as they bounced up and down slightly. Moon stretched slightly and tried to look more casual. “Any particular reason?” He asked. Solar blinked, not making eye contact with him as he pulled his shirt over his head.
“No. Just don’t like them moving.” That was a lie. When he was able to move his rays he felt more at ease. His head wasn’t hurting from the strain and he could loosen up a bit. Let his guard down and express himself. He hadn’t moved his rays in front of anyone since his Sun practically died. He wasn’t exactly sure why, it was probably a fear thing. His moon used to mock him if his rays twitched in fear or shrank down to look smaller or any sign of weakness in general. He didn’t like to call it a trauma response but he supposed that’s what it is. Though he refuses to admit he has any form of trauma. Just hardship.
“Okay, fair enough I guess.” Moon smiled, letting the silence hang for a few moments, it was almost uncomfortable but it also felt sort of.. soothing almost. The silence. Solar wasn’t sure if Moon felt the same but he honestly didn’t feel like talking about this. He wanted Moon to leave so he could go to sleep and pretend this never happened.
“Do you like that song?” Moon asked after what felt like an age of silence. Solar nodded slightly, breathing out through his vents as he tapped his foot on the ground. Moon nodded as well, cracking his finger joints like a human would crack their knuckles. “Yeah. Sun likes that song too. Earth likes it as well, I’ve caught her singing it while cleaning.” Moon smiled again, grabbing his phone and checking it before putting it back in his pocket. It was probably an anxiety thing, Solar noticed he liked to check his phone a lot. Probably worried something might happen and his siblings or Monty are trying to contact him. He always leaves his phone on, even when he’s sleeping or working.
“It’s a good song to keep ya relaxed I guess. Never really listen to music.” Solar huffed, leaning back and trying to look as calm and casual as possible, as if Moon hadn’t walked in on him crying over a memory of his Sun, scars all over his body from stuff he had no idea happened. Moon made a fake gasping sound, “sacrilege, don’t listen to music? Really?” Moon smiled mischievously as he put a hand on his chest in an offended manner. Solar smiled back, letting out a chuckle at his antics.
“I never have the time. And when I do I forget.” Solar huffed, turning to face Moon fully now, feeling more relaxed in the conversation. Moon flicked his hat over his shoulder and smiled, taking out his phone again. “Right that’s it, I’m making you a playlist or something ‘cause that's desperate.” Moon jokes, starting to make a playlist and adding songs to it. He let Solar pick a few songs as well so he could get an idea of what he liked before adding a bunch of songs he had on his playlist for Solar to listen to before also stealing some from Suns to see if Solar liked that as well.
It was a nice moment between them. And Moon didn’t push for answers, just sitting with him and listening to music before Moon had to leave to find Sun. But before he left he turned around and looked Solar dead in the eye with a soft, reassuring smile.
“You're allowed to feel sad, you know. We’re all here for you. Even if you don’t want to talk to me about it.. or not at all. But maybe try talking to Earth. We all care about you. A lot. Good night Solar.”
Solar sat in silence as Moon left. He felt his phone vibrate and saw that Moon had sent him the playlist they had made. He sighed, connecting his phone Bluetooth to his hearing receptors and pressing play on the playlist, laying back in bed and closing his eyes as he started charging for the night.
.
.
.
Moon closed the memory.
Sighing sadly as he held Solar gloves close to his chest. He missed him a lot. He missed him all the time. It hurt. It hurts that he wasn’t there anymore. But he powered on. Watching the memory’s was some sort of comfort at least.
Moon took a deep breath, rubbing his face and closing his arm computer, the applejack sticker disappearing with it. He held the gloves for another few minutes. Solar hadn’t come to anyone about his problems since that night. He went to therapy, but he didn’t talk about what happened with all his scars or his memories with his Sun and Moon. He didn’t even mention his old dimension. Moon sighed as he put the gloves on, smiling sadly. They fit him at least, literally like a glove.
He grabbed his phone and searched up the playlist he had made Solar. Solar had added more songs to it over time and Moon did the same when he found a song he thought Solar might like. It was like they’re silent love language. His way of showing he was thinking of him Everytime he added a song to that playlist. A way for them to bond over something that wasn’t them coming up with ways to stop all the bad things from happening with science or witty banter. As fun as that was.
He smiled softly as he paired his phone to his audio receptors and played the playlist.
His brother's playlist and gloves.
.
.
.
Sun sniffed sadly as he looked at himself in the mirror, Solars shirt clenched tightly in his hands.
Solar had been gone for a while now, and all that was left of him were the things he was given in this dimension. Including his shirt, goggles, gloves and jacket that he kept wrapped around his waist at all times. And his tools that were stashed away safely in parts and service so Moon could keep them safe or use them if need be.
Sun took a breath. He hadn’t been as close to Solar as the rest of them but he was still fond of him. He still cared for him. He still thought of him as family. As a brother. Even if he called him a cousin. He remembers the time when Moon and Solar came over to make sure he wasn’t drinking too much, and they all decided to hang out together for ‘boys night.’ They played games, watched movies. Solar had decided it would be funny to watch a horror movie and Sun and Moon both were just clinging onto Solar's arms the whole time out of fear. Though Moon denies it to this day.
Sun had completely destroyed Solar and Moon in Mario Kart and gang beasts. He was surprisingly good at video games which always bothered Moon. Solar didn’t care though, he just cursed under his breath and laughed along, getting ‘mad’ when Sun won and just started tickling him. Moon had joined in and they all just started attacking each other until they were all rolling on the floor in fits of laughter. Sun had never seen Solar so happy and carefree, no stress or constant exhaustion. It was probably the first time Sun had actually spent time with Solar properly.
Sun smiled at the memory, letting out a sad but content breath as he gently pulled the shirt over his head, making sure not to stretch it. It sat perfectly on him, he looked at himself in the mirror and sighed slightly. This would be his way of remembering Solar.
His brother's shirt.
.
.
.
Lunar sat in his apartment, trying to keep tears from falling as he held Solars goggles.
He said he wouldn’t cry. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry anymore. But he missed Solar so much. Solar was his brother, despite him only wanting to be called a cousin. Solar had been there for him when he was still going through a tough time with his trauma, even if he was terrible to him. Yelling at him and reminding him he looks and sounds just like Eclipse and that was triggering. That probably wasn’t good for Solars mental health either now that he thought about it. But he still made sure Lunar was okay.
He was there for them when they killed Eclipse, staying with them and making sure they felt safe and comfortable. He stayed with them in their apartment for the night, making sure they were okay and making them food. He let them cry, he let them get upset, he told them what they needed to hear. They played games together all the time. If Lunar was tired mentally and Earth was busy or away or if they just wanted to be around Solar, Solar was always there. Solar would drop everything for them. For any of them. He’d drop everything for Lunar, for Earth, for Moon, for Sun, and even for Puppet and Jack.
Lunar sniffed sadly, grabbing his new tablet Solar had bought him soon after Jack had broken his original one, and opening the channel, scrolling down until he found the first video they ever did together. The Minecraft video. Solar hadn’t had any idea how to play Minecraft back then. It was funny but he picked It up pretty quick. He sat and watched the show video, before moving onto the next one. Then the next one. Until he got up to the video where Solar first came to their dimension, seeking refuge from his crazy brother who wanted to kill him. Solar never talked about what his life was like in his dimension. But Lunar had seen it. He hadn’t seen it all but he saw the verbal abuse he had gone through. Solar never liked to talk about it.
It felt almost unfair. Lunar talked about their problems a lot. And Solar never talked about them at all. It was almost like a foreign concept for Solar to talk about his feelings beyond ‘just a little tired today.’ Or ‘by gones be by gones.’ That’s always what he said when talking about his dimension. He always said something to make it seem less bad than it was. But Lunar had seen how mean his Moon was to him and they had a sneaking suspicion that he was physically abused as well. It wasn’t uncommon for Moons over dimensions to be more violent. It was in their nature for most of them to be a little violent. And the way Solar flinched at sudden movements when he’s unprepared, or goes quiet when people raise their voice. It just.. didn’t seem right to them.
It was upsetting. And now he didn’t have the chance to ask Solar about what happened. Now he couldn’t help Solar deal with the guilt, and the trauma he said he didn’t have. He couldn’t even let Solar vent about it. Solar was gone. And he couldn’t do anything about it.
He took a shaky breath, continuing to watch the videos as he put the goggles on his head.
They’re brothers' goggles.
.
.
.
Earth let out a shaky breath as she sat on her bed, holding the jacket Solar always wore around his waist to her chest while Monty held her close.
Monty ran his fingers through her hair gently, rocking her back and forth as she held the jacket up to her face and breathed it in. It still smelt like him. Like motor oil and coffee. That smell would fade over time and then she would be left with nothing but the memory. She squeezed Monty’s hand gently, taking another shaky breath as he rubbed her back soothingly.
They hadn’t even gotten to ask if he wanted to be they’re brother. They had planned on knitting together. Solar had never gotten to make his snake. Maybe Earth could make it for him. As a way to remember him. Yes. That’s what they’d do. They’ll knit a snake for him and keep it for him if he ever comes back. They nuzzled into Monty’s neck and sniffed slightly, holding his jacket close to their face and continued to breathe in the oh so familiar smell. Monty continued to whisper soft words of comfort to them as they say there.
She huffed slightly as she crawled out of Monty’s grasp and put the jacket on. It was long, but only a bit tight. She held it close around her as she nestled back into Monty’s hold, continuing to smell the jacket and hold Monty’s hand. She wears the jacket as much as possible, as her way of remembering Solar.
Her brother's jacket.
.
.
.
Jack scurried into parts and service silently, making his way towards the desk Moon and Solar used to work at most nights.
He was well aware of Solars death, and he wasn’t sure what was happening to him. He was starting to… feel things. Feel.. upset. Angry. He wasn’t sure when he had started developing actual feelings, or when he had gathered more of a consciousness outside of his protocol, and honestly. It scared him almost. All of it was new. Puppet had been trying to help him deal with these new floods of emotions and thoughts but it still was hard to understand.
Jack looked around the desk, before his eyes landed on a small pebble that had been placed inside Solars toolbox. That was the pebble Jack had found and had brought back to Solar when he was starting to gain sentience. He wasn’t sure why he had wanted to give it to Solar, but he did anyway. He thought it was smooth and pretty and maybe Solar would like it. Solar seemed confused when he got it but he thanked Jack nonetheless. Looks like he kept it. Jack felt his insides twist painfully at that. He wasn’t sure why. This must be what Puppet called ‘grief.’ He didn’t like it. Not one bit.
He picked up the pebble and held it in his hands gently. He wasn’t sure how to feel. He felt the urge to cry.. but he was incapable of crying. So why did he want to so badly? Sentience was weird and confusing and he hated every second of it. He hated having feelings, he hated feeling this way he hated… he hated how he failed to protect his creator. He wanted to just stop thinking. Go back to when his only thoughts were ‘protect Lunar and the celestial family.’
“Hey Jack you in here?” Puppet called as they entered parts and service. Jack wasn’t sure why they asked, Puppet knows where everyone is. Jack didn’t answer their question though, he just stood there staring at the pebble. Puppet approached him and stood beside him, staring for a moment. “What you got there bud?” They asked gently. Jack didn’t answer. Just stared in silence for a few more seconds.
“He kept it.” He said in his usual up and down tone. There’s only so much emotion you can put into such a robotic voice that changes the pitch of every other word in a sentence but he made it work. Puppet hummed, “He kept the rock?” They asked. Jack nodded, “Pebble.” He corrected, feeling the smooth surface with his thumbs gently. “He kept the pebble I gave him.” Jack felt a lump form in his throat. Which confused him more considering he was an animatronic and physically couldn’t form a lump in his throat let alone have a functioning throat. More confusion.
“Yeah. Yeah he did.” Puppet sighed, putting a hand on Jack's shoulder in an act of comfort. “I miss him to bud.” Jack held the pebble tighter, turning around and looking at Puppet. He hurt. He didn’t know why he hurt. Why was everything hurting? He hated emotions. He wanted them to stop. He doesn’t want to be sentient. He wants to go back. Back to when Solar was still around and he didn’t feel anything. He wants to go back. He wants Solar back. Why was this happening to him? What did he do wrong? He did everything he was supposed to.. right? This isn’t fair.
Puppet seemed to pick up on his conflict and pulled him into a hug. Jack stood there confused for a solid minute before wrapping his arms around Puppet and letting out a simulated breath. He’d never done that before. It was oddly satisfying. Helped relieve some stress. Why did he feel stressed? He hated this. So much.
But he would keep going. He was Solar's creation. He would keep going. For Solar. He would protect the rest of the family like Solar wanted. Make him proud.
Because he was Solar's creation. Son.
And Solar was his Creator. Father.