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The setting was a city. Not too large, but not small enough that everyone knew each other. The day was clear and bright - puffy white clouds voyaged the sky and the sun seemed to be in good condition too, as it was shining brighter than most days.
Inside of an apartment lived a young boy on his own. He was putting together something that came from a box. It looked like a kite. A very large kite.
"When the weather gets a li'l breezier, I'll take this out!" the boy exclaimed with joy.
He was Gon. Gon Freeccs.
As Gon finished cleaning up, he thought of the warm weather, his friends, his animal friends, his insect friends, his aunt Mito - who he really needed to write to, and the bakery down the street's sugar cookies when they're fresh. Which reminded him-
"Oh, right! I have to pick up those cookies I bought for Killua!" Dropping what he had been doing, he immediately swung his green jacket on and headed out the door. He then rode through the moderate-sized city on his scooter. He wore a green helmet as well.
The trip to the bakery was not long. He picked up what he needed and paid for it. A small jar of soft gingerbread cookies and a bottle of cold milk. He then proceeded to move to his next destination; Killua's (temporary) residence. Luckily, it was not too far from there. That was the benefit of living in a medium-sized city.
"Hello, Killua!" Gon was knocking on the front door of his friend's three-story house. The bag with the goodies was in his other hand. "It's me, Gon!"
There was a silence. Gon knocked harder. He even rung the doorbell twice.
In a matter of seconds, he could see someone on the third floor peering from a window wearing yellow bunny pajamas.
It was Killua.
He kept looking away from the window and then back at it, almost as if he was confused. But it didn't take long until he opened it up and slid out.
And fell on his ass.
"OW, FUCK!" he screeched.
Gon was very concerned. He rushed over to check on the well-being of his friend.
"Are you alright?!?" Gon extended his hand.
Killua hissed at him and smacked his hand away. Gon sighed in response. His friend was always like when he first woke up and hadn't eaten anything.
"I see you slept in, huh?" Gon tittered awkwardly.
Killua stood up, still in his childish pajamas, and dusted his booty off. He didn't bother answering and instead changed the subject to the object of interest - what's in Gon's hand?
"What's that." he said blankly. It didn't even feel like a question.
"Oh, this?" Gon raised the bag. "Special delivery!"
Killua snatched the bag from his friend and immediately started to chow down on the cookies. He even ate the jar. Once he started gagging, Gon pointed out the bottle of milk. Killua drank it all in one gulp, then slammed the bottle down (it didn't break) and let out a sigh.
"Good shit right there." he spoke, "Good shit."
"That's some good shit?" Gon asked, but Killua didn't bother to respond.
"So...."
There was more silence. They both stared at each other. Gon wondered why Killua was still in his pajamas?
Killua didn't even say thank you.
"Gon," Killua began.
Finally, something, Gon was thinking. "Yes?"
"Recently I've realized something..."
"Yes?"
"Gon..."
"Yes?"
"I'm really sick of falling on my ass every time I jump out that window right there." He pointed to his third-floor bedroom window - still open with the curtains blowing.
"...Oh really?" Gon wasn't sure at what his friend was trying to get at.
Killua smirked. Still on the ground in his bunny pajamas. "So.... I'm going improve."
Gon clapped, though his mind was thinking more along the lines of, WHAT THE F-
"That's great, Killua! I'm glad you finally found something you want to do with your life!"
Of course he had to say something kind.
Killua smiled proudly, obviously proud of himself. He then nodded.
"And I'm going to start today, so..." He ripped his bunny pajama shirt off and started running around the block screaming manly screams of integrity.
Gon deadpanned.
"What the FUCK did I just witness?"
.... "He's still wearing his bunny slippers."
"....Oh well."
-----------------------------
After giving Killua a treat, not getting thanked, and having to see Killua act like a crazy person on drugs, Gon went home disappointed.
He slammed the table.
"Damn it! I kept making moves but he never seems to notice!" Gon said angrily, "Or, more like... He only appreciates the gifts."
"Ah, no matter! Once it becomes a li'l breezier, I'll show him this..." He looked to that kite from the box again. "He wont be able to escape me then..."
Gon then proceeded to laugh evilly. Devilishly. Like a villain.
And he moved into his evil lair. (His bedroom.)
-----------------------------
The next day brought much wind and breeze to Gon's excitement. Now he would finally get to put his kite to use! And so he did...
"Wind? Check. Straps on? Check?" On top of a city skyscraper, Gon was making sure the conditions were good enough. "Sky free of clouds? Check. Tight fitting? Check."
"All ready for takeoff!"
Wait.. WAIT!
Gon jumped from the skyscraper like a suicider. Like a kamikaze pilot during WW2. Much to the surprise from the viewers below, he began to fly - to rise up into the air. Because you see, he was strapped to the kite. He was flying a man-lifting kite.
"Hang gliders are for plebs." he announced to the plebians below him. Little did he know that he was basically flying one.
So, up, up and away! Gon was flying to Killua's house again. He needed to show off his amazing kite to Killua... and to hopefully gain the latter boy's attention, if not interest.
When he arrived above Killua's three-story home, he started to make bird sounds.
"Caw! Caw! Caw!" he screamed wildly as he shouted into Killua's third floor window.
He assumed the boy was still sleeping in as he did nearly every day. He then tried to get himself to land, but was having trouble. The wind wasn't in his favor right then. Instead he was blown back into a small tree close to the ground. He quickly freed himself and most importantly his kite from the grasps of the wicked tree before Killua could catch him doing so. He didn't want to leave a bad impression, after all.
Out of the tree Gon was, his kite free of any damage too. He smiled to himself and walked along the pavement to his friend's steps.
How lucky was he! He could hear footsteps rushing to the door.
Out came Killua with a AK-47.
"NEVERMORE!" the white-haired boy yelled angrily as he pointed the rifle toward the outside world. "Oh.... It's just you, Gon." He put the deadly weapon down.
"Hi, Killua!" Gon greeted.
Killua blinked. His thought went blank. Was Gon... wearing a big kite?
"Gon, what the f-"
"Killua, I didn't bring you a present today, greedy!" Gon then extended his hand for his friend to take. "Now come on. Let's go - there's no time to explain! Take my hand and GET IN THE MANKITE."
Did Gon really just meme? Killua asked himself but a horrific expression played on his face and he backed away instead of taking Gon's hand.
"KILLUA, I CAN'T HOLD BACK MUCH LONGER! LET'S GO!" Gon screamed and Killua screamed as well. Gon, in response, hastily took his friend's hand and then they suddenly blew back into the streets. Killua's front door was still wide open. As traffic was beginning to pick up on Killua's block, a large truck was making its way toward them.
"Gon... WHAT THE FUCK AND WE'RE IN THE STREET!" Killua yelled as his body dangled.
The green-clad boy looked to Killua with determination in his eyes. "Killua, say the magic word."
"WE'RE IN THE STREET!"
"SAY IT!"
"GOOOOOOOOOOON!" .... "Please."
And up, up, up they went. They began to fly above the road, above the trees, and the buildings. As Killua's non-consenting dangling body took beatings from the wind, he could swear to himself that he noticed a squirrel run into his house. He screamed.
He was also still wearing his Batman pajamas.
"GON, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?!?!?!" Killua yelled wanting an answer. But Gon couldn't hear him due to two things - one, the wind was so loud and two, he was singing a song very, very terribly. Killua continued shouting, "GOOOOOOON!" but to no avail.
They flew above jealous birds. They flew above the clouds. They even flew above military jet planes. Of course Gon waved at the people inside of them, who were shocked as the living fucks.
Killua silently cried to himself as he held Gon's hand like his life depended on it.
"Why.... Why is this my life?" Killua asked God. But God didn't respond to him since Killua's a sinner.
Then, suddenly, as Gon was fixing a strap on his kite by using his leg, Killua's hand felt weak. And... he looked at the happy face of his friend.
"Gon... I can't take this anymore... I..."
"Hold it in, Killua! You can do it! Just forty five more minutes until we reach a bathroom!" Gon replied with determination.
Killua frowned because Gon didn't understand. No - he didn't need to poop. If he did, he already did it in his boxers for he was scared as fuck.
Then he began to say his final words. "Gon.... Good bye!"
He let go of Gon's hand. His pale, weak, feeble hand. He then fell from shocking heights and plummeted to the ground. Right on the sidewalk beside a hair salon.
And he fell on his ass.
"OW, FUCK!" he screamed so loud that heaven could hear him.
Gon's response to that? "Oops. Killua, you forgot to press the emergency button!"
Killua then cursed that spiky haired brat and ran off crying. His ass was now sore the the core. And it was all Gon's fault.
"I'm going to improve my ass, just watch me!" He angrily pointed a finger at the flying clueless Gon.
-------------------
Gon returned to his own home that night and slammed the table once more.
"DAMN IT!" he said through gritted teeth. "I've made yet another move and he responds pathetically!"
"Why are you so difficult to keep?!?" he asked angrily. But then he noticed a bottle of beer on the table, so he drank to free his mind of worries and sorrows because that's what all people in anime do.
"N-No matter... I'll have to try harder next time." Gon said between sobs and then he looked to his kite.
"Try harder..."
"Harder... better... faster.. stronger..."
Then Gon realized what he said and started dancing because he likes Daft Punk.
"Work it harder make it better do it faster makes us stronger~" he sang as he completely forgot what the fuck he was crying about.
------------------------------
The next week, he showed up at Killua's house again. The week before was tough for him and he assumed for Killua too. This time, though, he gained advice from Kurapika on how to successfully ask someone on a date and NOT screw up.
"Ah! That wonderful Kurapika. He even did a Kurta prayer for good luck and made a bouquet of flowers to give to him." Gon spoke cheerily to himself and he approached Killua's steps.
He then made it up the steps and knocked on Killua's door. "I hope he's not mad at me or anything..." Gon thought about Killua's 'ass improvement' statement as well. "I wonder if he really did go through with that..."
To be honest, he sort of doubted it.
"Killua? Are you up?"
Very shortly after his question, the door opened. Out came a boy wearing a crop top and yoga pants - no shoes. It was Killua alright. Except he seemed a little different... Gon couldn't quite put his finger on it until...
"Killua, what happened to your butt?"
"Huh?!" Killua gasped. He grabbed his butt. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, he thought.
It was larger than usual, and it jiggled when he touched it.
"GOOD AFTERNOON, GON!" Killua said in an obnoxiously loud voice.
Gon was confused. Killua's butt was jiggling out of his hands and all over the place.
"What's wrong.... With your.... b-"
"GOD, DON'T YOU JUST HATE WHEN YOUR BOOTY DOESN'T WANNA BEHAVE?" Killua asked out of nowhere to try and cover it up. Well, he was literally covering his booty and figuratively doing so... but his ass was still trying to break free of the grasp of his wicked hands.
Gon tittered awkwardly. "Killua, did you put jello in your pants?"
Killua stood there, still containing his buttcheeks. "Um.... No....?"
"Did Hisoka spank you until your butt became pliable then?"
"No...."
So, Gon shook his head as a response. "Anyway, I'm here to bring you these!" He held up the bouquet of flowers. Killua gladly accepted it.
"Wow, thanks Gon! I really love these flowe- OH OH OH MY GOD!"
Killua's butt jiggled all over the place and ate the flowers. Yes, his butt ate the flowers. The wrapping fell to the floor. Gon had the most horrified look on his face.
"What's wrong with your ass?!" he asked.
Killua's mouth was moving. It seemed that he was trying to explain, but it was coming out as gibberish. That and his butt was jiggling - that wiggly, jiggly, butt. Gon was watching it and then it smacked him in the face. He was knocked out cold.
"GON..." Killua said with tears in his eyes. "I'm... sorry!" He then burst into tears and ran away crying. He shut the door. Gon's (basically) dead body was lying there on the steps. He bled... and he bled.
-----------------------------
Gon woke up. He shifted a bit before he opened his eyes. When he did, he was met with a bright, blinding light.
"Uuuuuck.." He blinked, then his eyes searched the room. It seemed that he was in a hospital room, in a hospital bed.
He sat up to see Kurapika next to his bed on a stool, slowly and dramatically peeling an apple with a knife.
"Kura...pika..." Gon tried to speak, but his mouth was dry. "Why are.. you... here?"
Kurapika's eyes fluttered once hearing the saddening voice. "Gon! I was making my way to the grocery store when I found you lying on the steps at Killua's house." He then teared up, nearly dropping his apple. "You were bleeding! You were losing a lot of bloo-" Kurapika couldn't finish because he was now crying. His apple feel to the floor, more than half of it peeled.
"Kura...pi-"
Before Gon could finish trying to utter his friend's name, the doctor rudely burst in without even knocking. It just so happened to be Dr. Paladinight.
"Hey, kiddo! I'm here to give you your prescription medicin-" He straightened his tiny glasses. "WAIT - KURAPIKA, WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"
Kurapika had been startled when the door was suddenly forced open. He wiped the tears off of his face and faced the doctor.
"What do you mean, Leorio? Don't you remember?" he asked, "I came to see Gon."
Leorio squinted. "And why did they let you out of the asylum?" he asked mainly to himself quietly. He then whistled, pretending Kurapika didn't exist and checked on Gon.
He had lost a lot of blood. Leorio even made a sick joke about some sort of vampire biting the hell out of Gon and sucking on him.... but Gon didn't find it funny. Leorio's sense of humor sucked ass anyway.
I need to figure out what's wrong with Killua... Gon thought to himself as Leorio left to find someone to donate blood to the kid.
He did say he wanted to improve his ass... But why did he...?
---------------------
After Gon was discharged from the hospital, he began his quest. He left the hospital's ground as 9:00 A.M. sharp. He caught the bus for home. There, he did a little research. He even scouted through the official Hunter website. But... What was it that he was looking for?
"Aha!" Gon devilishly exclaimed as he slammed his hand onto his laptop's mouse. "This has GOT to be the answer!"
The USB mouse was broken, but it didn't matter too much to Gon. He needed to continue further with his research... and find the answer to this puzzling booty puzzle.
--------------------
Gon visited many hospitals, spoke with many doctors as well as patients, and kept notes on the answers he received.
"Day 2... No luck. Yet." he said as he flipped a new page in his notebook. He was sitting on the bench at a park and feeding homeless dogs and cats. He then bid the animals farewell, knowing he still had work to do.
--------------------
It wasn't until Day 4 when Gon found what he was looking for. After speaking to a kind doctor in the East Gorteau region, he finally found his answer. Granted, the trip to the place cost money but with his Hunter License he was fine.
"Killua..." he said to himself as he headed back for the airport.
--------------------
Two days later, Gon exited his apartment. He walked down the steps with determination in his eyes, then put on his green helmet. He was going to Killua's home.
Taking a ride on his cactus-green scooter, he zipped by cars and pedestrians. He watched a mime get hit by a Bugatti. Turning a corner, he thought to himself.
This time I won't give him anything...!
It was a very short ride to Killua's house. It only took about ten minutes and Gon honestly felt like he could do 9001 more turns around the block. But he didn't. Instead, he approached the steps of the three story home and knocked on the door.
Killua peered through his bedroom window. He gulped. It took quite a bit, but eventually he was there and he answered the door.
"H-Hi... Gon." he greeted awkwardly. Gon noticed his butt wasn't jiggling out of place like before. However, his butt was still big... Which led him to his question.
"Killua!" he began, "Why did you buy butt implants?"
Killua gasped. How could Gon have known that? "G-Gon... What are you t-talking about? Clearly I t-trained hard for t-this... Ass."
Gon crossed his arms. He had on that 'Killua-Quit-With-The-Bullshit' face and he wasn't taking that shit anymore.
"Killua... you bought an ass."
Killua shook his head and denied. "I DID NOT BUY MY ASS! IT'S MY REAL ASS!"
"Oh really?" asked Gon. He then stepped into Killua's home. Killua hesitantly followed. Normally he would've yelled at Gon for just walking in with shoes on, but he was more concerned about his butt right then. And his butt jiggled as he followed after Gon.
Gon took a match and lit a flame near Killua's butt.
"What the FUCK!" Killua screamed. His yoga pants weren't made for that.
Then Gon smirked. The match he had in his hands was a special match. The flames measured about 1,500 Celsius in hotness and somehow the house wasn't burning up or anything. Killua's butt began to melt.
"See? Your ass is made of silicone." Gon confirmed, match still in hand.
Killua screamed. "Oh my god! My ass is melting!" He then tried to cover his booty. "Gon, why are you trying to kill me?!"
"I'm not trying to kill you, Killua. I'm trying to kill your butt." he reassured his friend.
"My ass is NOT fake!" Killua screamed.
"Well, I wasn't necessarily implying that, but... It is fake." Gon argued.
"It's NOT."
"It is."
"NOT!"
"Is."
"NOT!"
"It is."
Gon smacked Killua's butt.
"A plastic surgeon in East Gorteau has already confirmed that a Zoldyck kid got a booty augmentation over there, PLUS a Brazilian Butt Lift."
"How do you know it wasn't my sister?" Killua defended himself.
Gon raised an eyebrow. "Really, Killua? You're asking me that when your ass was flat less than ten days ago?" He then whipped out his smartphone... with the match still in his other hand. "Besides, your sister didn't get ass surgery. Look."
He pointed out a recent photo of Alluka from the day before. She was at Disney Land with her papi, Satotz. No sign of a bubble butt whatsoever.
Killua wanted to cry. "What the fuck, sis? Why are you with Satotz?"
"As you can see... It's really obvious. You bought an ass." Gon stated plainly.
Killua sniffled.
"Look, I know you wanted to improve... your ass..."
"I wanted more daddies to notice me..." Killua finally admitted.
Gon tilted his head. "Eh? But Killua..."
"What, you idiot?"
"But Killua... You have me!"
Killua blinked. "What...? Really...?"
Gon nodded.
"You'll back me up in EVERYTHING?"
"I don't how to back up files, Killua." Gon admitted.
Then Killua hugged Gon. He was so glad he didn't have to search for daddies anymore. Now Gon could be his daddy!
...Wait.
Killua's booty wobbled, wiggled, shimmied, and jiggled all over the place and then it knocked the match out of Gon's hand, which had already been burning Killua's melting ass anyway. It feel to the floor and a fire spread.
"...GOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
The house was in flames. Killua and Gon were trapped there.
...But their loved remained eternal.
----Epilogue----
"So, Kurapika... Why do you think Gon was researching ass augmentation anyway?"
Leorio and Kurapika were there at the crime scene with the FBI and firemen. They FBI entrusted them with Gon's laptop - one of the only things that could be salvaged from the fire - because they actually knew the password to it.
"I don't know... Maybe he wanted a Brazilian Butt Lift?" Kurapika responded.
Leorio's face contorted.
"So... Why did they let you out of the asylum?"
Kurapika smiled. "I stopped seeing dead people."
Leorio squinted.
Kurapika yawned and closed Gon's laptop.
"You know, I think I want a Brazilian Butt Lift now."
"Seriously?!"
"Yeah, maybe that will make Chrollo chase after me... and then I can kill him." Kurapika started laughing evilly.
Leorio could only blink.
"Why'd they let this guy out of the asylum again?"
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The End.