Work Text:
There was a knock on the door. After a few seconds, there was another. A few seconds after that, the sound of keys jangling was heard, followed by the lock turning. The door slowly opened, revealing a woman with yellow hair. She looked around the disorderly apartment, then over at the lumpy bed. She sighed.
It was almost noon, but the room was pitch black. Thick curtains covered every inch of the windows. Even with the door opened, the gloomy atmosphere held strong.
Junna walked over to the large windows in the back of the room and tore them open. Light flooded the room, turning it from night to day. With full illumination, Junna could see just how bad the apartment had gotten since she had last been there.
She could see several empty cans and bottles scattered throughout the room. Piles of clothes leaned against the bed.
The bed’s resident was beginning to stir. Her eyes were still closed, but Junna could hear the beginnings of a groan escaping her lips. A few seconds later, the pink mess of hair turned around and attempted to disappear beneath the blankets. Junna didn’t let that happen. She grabbed the corner of the blanket and tore it away.
Yui hissed as she turned and pressed her head into the pillow, until Junna rolled her over forcefully.
“Hey, c’mon” She shook Yui’s shoulder. “We need to talk.”
Yui muttered something that Junna couldn’t make out. Junna stepped away, and finally Yui sat up. She rubbed her eyes and looked around blearily. After a few more moments, Junna slapped her on the shoulder.
“Get up. Drink some water. Maybe go take a quick cold shower to wake yourself up. But we need to talk.”
Yui watched Junna drive off. After she had showered and gotten dressed, the other woman had dragged Yui out of her apartment and out to a late breakfast. Having food in her certainly helped her feel less bad, but she could tell it was going to be at least a few hours before she was fully recovered from the night before.
Junna had given her the same spiel she had given time and time again. Yui needs to stop drinking. Take more care of herself. Be more selfish.
Selfishness was not a part of Yui’s nature. She would sooner die than put her own needs before someone else’s.
She was fine, anyway. Junna’s concern was out of hand. They had other friends who were in worse states. After all, Junna had been seeing her therapist twice weekly for a decade with no improvement. Arisa refused to talk to any of them. Yuu had his issues with self-hatred. Even if Yui had tried to kill herself once or twice, that wasn’t any worse than the kinds of things that Eru got up to. She was fine. It had been three years since the last attempt, anyway. Things were fine.
She had to be fine. No one else was fine. If she was fine, then she could support the others through their issues. And they really needed her support.
So what if she needed to do a little drinking to stay fine. She was fine and that was what mattered.
Yui blinked. She suddenly realized that she had been zoned out while standing on the sidewalk. It was cold out, cold enough that she was shivering, so she hurried into her apartment.
She was still tired from the night before, and she wished she could get some more sleep, but she had work sooner than later and with how tired she still was, if she tried to take a nap, she would probably be asleep until sunset.
Yui walked over to her bed where her phone lay half-buried in sheets. She picked it up and began texting her friend. She had just talked to Junna, so she wouldn’t have to worry about her…
Eru was probably still out of the country, and most likely not checking her phone, but Yui sent her a text anyway. She had been bad about answering since the trip began, but Yui last heard from her the day before, so she was probably fine.
Arisa never answered her texts. That didn’t stop Yui from sending more. She talked about having breakfast with Junna and some updates that Yuu had told her to mention.
Yuu had actually already texted her. She had been talking with him the night before, and she had forgotten to say anything when she passed out. Thankfully, she wasn’t too worried, so she sent a couple quick messages telling him that she was fine.
Finally, Yui sent a pair of messages for Hikari and Midori each. Hikari was rather low-maintenance, but Midori always had Yui a little worried. Junna did a better job of looking after her, but it was still concerning.
She still had a little time before work. Yui could have used that time for herself, or to tidy up her apartment, but she didn’t want to. With nothing else to do, she left early. At least that meant she could take her time getting there.
“—And a beer.” Hikari glared at Yui until she sheepishly turned back to the waiter. “...Just water is fine, actually.” The waiter nodded, then left, leaving the two at their table alone.
“Yui, you need to cut that shit out.”
Yui stared at Hikri blankly. “I’m… not sure what you mean?”
“Your drinking.” Hikari poked at the air towards Yui aggressively with her chopsticks. “When was the last time you’ve been sober for more than a few days?”
“A couple weeks ago. You overexaggerate how much of a problem it is.”
“I don't think I am. It will catch up to you someday. You might die. If you really care about us, then you can't die. We can't deal with that. You wouldn't come back.”
Hikari frowned, then rolled her eyes. She hissed under her breath, “Shut it, you.”
“What's she saying?”
“It doesn't matter. Ignore her.”
Yui laughed. “I can't hear her to begin with.”
Hikari scowled. “You should be thankful for that. She's damn annoying.” She continued to gesture with her chopsticks.
“It can't be that bad. It sounds fun, honestly.”
“It was fun. In middle school. Maybe a little bit of high school. But at some point, we started arguing, and we never stopped.”
“Well…” Yui leaned over the table. “I suppose I could try to help with that.”
“Yui, you're not a therapist. You're not equipped to deal with our problems.” She grumbled under her breath again. “If it's a magic problem, I don't think psychology could even help us…” She poked the table with her chopsticks. “We don’t need your help. Yes, we argue, but we know how to deal with each other. We don’t need you to help us.”
“I—” Yui stopped. She frowned. “Let's stop talking about this.”
Hikari shook her head and grumbled some words Yui couldn't make out. Then she leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. “We can drop this if you promise to stop drinking. Stay sober for a couple of weeks, at least. I don’t want to get another call in the middle of the night because you passed out at some bar and I’m your first emergency contact.” She sat up and jabbed the chopsticks in the air towards Yui. “At least put Junna ahead of me. She can drive you home on that motorcycle of hers.”
Yui scowled over the top of her glass. “It’s hard to hold on while I’m drunk…”
“Then don’t get blackout drunk in a bar in the middle of nowhere!”
“It hasn’t happened that often…” Yui groaned. “And I think you’re putting too much focus on me here… Why not put the coals on Eru, when she gets back?”
“Don’t change the subject. Stop pretending you don’t have problems. We all have problems.”
Yui had laid her head down on the table in defeat, but she shot up at that. “I know you guys have problems! That’s why I’m trying to help you. So let me help you, and things will be fine. I’m doing this for you, and Eru, and Arisa, and Junna, and Yuu, and you, and Midori. Six people are worth more than one.”
“Yui…” Hikari started rubbing her temple. “Please, see a therapist.”
“I—”
Before Yui could respond, the waiter returned and dropped two plates and cups in front of the woman, then left. With her thought interrupted, Yui glared at Hikari, but let the topic finally drop.
It was late by the time Yui finally got back to her apartment. She had promised Junna during breakfast that she would clean up her apartment after work, but she had gone right from there to dinner with Hikari, and now she was struggling to keep her eyes open. She gathered a few of the empty cans and bottles into a bag, which she threw against one wall, then collapsed into her bed, without even undressing. She fell asleep practically immediately.
The first thing Yui did in the morning was text her friends. She had forgotten the evening before, but she never forgot in the morning. She would sooner die than forget.
The first time she had forgotten, Yuu had actually been scared for her. But recently, the evening texts had become less and less frequent, only a few times a week.
But she never forgot in the morning.
Eru would be getting back soon. It’s possible she already was, with how loose her plans always were. The response to the messages yesterday had been unclear. Regardless, it seemed she was doing fine, and she was certainly alive so she didn’t have to worry too much. Maybe a stranger had stolen her phone and was perfectly capturing her mannerisms, but that was implausible enough that Yui could mostly put it out of mind. Of course, there was the possibility that she had been captured, and the indistinct nature of the response was because her captors didn’t want her disappearance to be obvious… Yui shook her head to clear those thoughts from her head.
Arisa hadn’t answered the last text. Or the text before that. Or any of the texts Yui had sent her in the last five years. It seemed likely that her threat to block Yui’s number was more than just a threat. But that didn’t mean she could give up. She could probably use some good news, so Yui told her about her newfound vow of sobriety.
Since they had talked in person beforehand, Yui hadn’t felt a need to text Junna the day before, but now that it was in the past, she felt an itch of regret. She would be seeing Junna again sometime in the next couple days, assuming nothing had been wrong, but Yui still sent her a text filled with questions about how her night had gone. After all, she worked a dangerous job. It was impossible to know what sorts of awful things someone might have done to her.
Once again, Yuu was nice enough to reach out to her and not the other way around. It seemed that Hikari had already told him about her promise to remain sober, which he saw as a good thing. Yui didn’t want to ruin his mood by arguing back against him, so she sent a couple of messages affirming her want to stick to her promise.
And once again, Hikari and Midori were last. With so much time the previous day spent talking to Hikari, there wasn’t much that needed to be said to her, so Yui focused her thoughts towards Midori. Midori was always a beacon of sunshine for Yui. It had been a while since just the two of them had spent time together, which was something that would have to be fixed. Yui knew that Midori would get a little stir crazy, too, when she wasn’t given time to front often, and this was a way of forcing that on Hikari.
She had a few hours before work. Since she was planning to skip breakfast, without Junna around to force her into it, that meant she had time to clean her apartment some more. She finished picking up the bottles and cans, then took her bags of trash out. Then, she piled up her dirty laundry into a basket and carried it downstairs, to the laundry room. She would only have time to get about half of it done, but that was still progress.
When she was done, she still had a half hour left before work. It was several hours after noon and she was beginning to get hungry, so she ate a cold convenience store meal that she had been keeping in her fridge.
But then she had nothing to do. Yui didn’t keep any books in her apartment, or a TV, or anything really. She could listen to the laundry machine, but that didn’t count. It had been months since she had this much time before work. It made her uncomfortable. She had plans later, at least, but for now, she had nothing to do but clean her apartment.
Well, she could leave for work early, at least. If she walked instead of taking the bus.
Sure, she could do that.
Yui tapped the table rapidly. She tried to keep her attention on Yuu, but she kept glancing around the room.
It wasn’t hard to tell she was nervous. Her leg was bouncing as energetically as her fingers under the table.
“We’ve been texting, obviously, but… How are you?”
Yui gave him a strained smile. “Of, you know. Things are fine. A little stressed, but it’s manageable. Could use a drink, but…” She laughed. “You know.”
“Yeah. I’m glad you’re taking steps to improve yourself. I know you care about all of us, but you need to care about yourself, too, or you’ll tear yourself apart. And if that happens, you can’t help anyone.”
Yuu leaned back and ran his fingers through his hair. “Sorry. Didn’t want this to get serious right away. We’re just here as friends, right? Let’s just talk casually, okay?”
Yui nodded, but then she frowned. “Do you ever text Arisa?”
Yuu sighed. He knew where this conversation was going. This was the direction he was trying to avoid. But she seemed intent on this…
“We talk sometimes. Calling, not texting. Not super often, mind you. But we do talk sometimes. I guess we’re friends. She was one of the first people I came out to. Mom, Ui, then her. It felt more comfortable to unleash all that on someone some distance away from me. When I changed my name, too…”
Yui’s face fell. “O-oh. Is that so?”
“Yeah. It’s not, you know, a whole lot. Every couple months. I don’t try to force it on her. I get her discomfort…”
“Mmm…”
Yui was beginning to feel a little nauseous. Thoughts were piling up. She wasn’t sure what else she could say to Yuu at this point. He seemed as lost for words as her.
After a minute of awkward silence, he cleared his throat. “So, um. How has work been?”
Yui woke up irritated. There was an itch in the back of her mind. It was only the start of ther third day of sobriety, but it was beginning to seem like it would be harder than she thought. But she would be fine. She was strong. She was strong for her friends and she was doing this for her friends. For them, she could do anything.
Midori had responded to her texts from the night before. She and Yui would be spending time together soon, in a few days, to watch a movie at their apartment. Yui suspectes that it was a front, that Midori would ambush her with another wrestling show, but she didn't mind too much. It made Midori happy and happiness is infectious. Even if Yui didn't care about what was happening, she could appreciate the energy in the room. Hikari was doing fine. Nothing had changed from the last time they had talked. Seemed like she was unhappy with Midori for some reason, but that wasn’t exactly uncommon. Yui could play the mediator sometimes, but not over the phone and not on a delay like this. It was probably something petty. Deep down, and she would never say this, Yui knew that both of them cherished each other. For all their arguing, they couldn't live without each other.
Eru’s response was cryptic. Yui had tried to figure out if she was back in the country or not, but she still couldn’t tell. Eru was probably having fun being so unclear. Not that she was necessarily trying to mess with Yui, but she had always been a bit reckless, even before. It would become clear soon. If she was back in the country, Yui would hear about it. If she wasn't, there was nothing she could do to help Eru. She tried to keep her from going on these trips in the first place, but she had never been successful on that front. Nothing short of tying her down would keep that woman in one place for long. And even if the idea of tying her friends down to keep them from ever getting hurt was nice in concept, she understood every problem with it. She could laugh it off as a joke whenever she thought about it
Yuu had driven her home after dinner, and they had spent some time together cleaning Yui's apartment before he left. So Yui started her message thanking him for that. Her room wasn't spotless yet, but good progress was being made. The biggest issue left was laundry, and that was limited by the time it had to wash. If Yui spent more time at home, she would be able to deal with it sooner. Maybe over the weekend. But, Yuu. She was grateful for his help. He helped her often. As much or more than Yui wished she could help those around her. He was strong, stronger than her. Maybe the strongest. But she couldn't just tell him that. He would be bashful, he would decline it, he might even get mad at Yui. Yui was never sure what made people mad. She was always trying to keep her friends happy, but it was hard. She knew them so well, but those very attempts to help them and keep them happy could just as easily make them mad. Maybe it was the trauma. Maybe she was just bad at helping others. She thanked Yuu. She was thankful and she wanted him to know.
Arisa. Arisa still hadn't responded. Yui wasn't expecting a response. She had no reason to expect a response. Arisa wasn't going to respond. And Yui knew this. Nothing was going to change. She was going to keep texting her, day in and day out. Maybe Arisa secretly appreciated the texts, even if she didn't respond to them. Like an annoying grandmother that you don't like to talk to, but if she died, you would miss her. Yui had to keep texting Arisa. If she stopped, that would be giving up. She couldn't give up on Arisa. She couldn't give up on anyone. She would do what she could to protect and help her friends, whether it was emotional or physical. That's why she couldn't lose contact with any of them. That's why she had to keep reaching out to Arisa. This was for their sake. She had to help them. After all, it was all her fault. If she had turned around only a few seconds earlier, then Eru would be fine. Arisa would be fine. Junna, Hikari, and Yuu had been busy. It was life or death, a matter of the end of the world. They were doing their best. Of course they couldn't have turned around. But Yui did. She turned around and watched Eru vanish, watched Arisa be trapped. She still remembered the look of horror Eru had on her face in that last moment. It lasted for a fraction of a second, but it could have been years. The scream, and the horrible sounds that followed. The blood. She never found Eru's body. She looked for so long. Junna and Yuu had to drag her away. And Arisa. Arisa. Arisa survived, but Yui had to see the expression of pain on her face. The wailing. The blood. Yui couldn't free her at that time. It was too heavy. She tried. Maybe she should have helped the others instead. They won, she didn't need to, but would Arisa hate her less if those moments of agony hadn't been defined by Yui? Yui, desperately holding onto her hand. Trying to keep her alive. Giving her hope. Would Arisa have survived otherwise? Yui wasn't sure. At times it felt like it had been pointless. She replayed that moment so many times in her mind. Eru's death. Arisa getting trapped, screaming in pain. Did Yui make her pain worse when she tried to pull her out? Is that why Arisa refused to talk to her? It was a miracle that she didn't meet the same fate as Eru. A matter of inches. Did Arisa even realize what happened in that moment? No, of course not. Yui had barely understood it. How could Arisa have had a holistic view of the situation? Her pain was unimaginable. Was this why Arisa didn't respond? Why the only thing that Yui had heard from her after that day was how much she hated the others? If Yui had just understood a few seconds earlier, she could have saved them. She could have knocked Eru and Arisa out of the way and then things would be fine. Arisa could still walk. Eru would have never died. Junna, Yuu, and Hikari wouldn't have had to deal with that grief and emotional whiplash. Even if Yui had died in the process, it would have been worth it, because she had chosen that. And she could have come back. Eru came back. Any one person could have died and everything would have been fine. And Arisa wouldn't have gotten crippled. Even if Yui didn't come back, it would have been worth it. She wanted to say all of this to Arisa. How she wished she could have taken her place. How she only had the best intentions. How she wanted Arisa to have a good life even if it meant her own suffering. If only Arisa understood. Yui wanted her to understand. She had tried explaining this piecemeal for a decade. Maybe Arisa agreed. Maybe it should have been Yui instead. Yui couldn't fault her if she did. Rather than tell her all of that, than open her heart, Yui stopped herself. The message was only three words. “xxx xxx xxx.”
Yui already had plans to have dinner with Junna the next night, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to send her a text today. It was short and to the point because that's what Yui was pretty sure she enjoyed.
Before her agreement with Hikari, Yui had restocked her fridge, and while logically, she should just throw everything out, she didn't want to waste the money. She had asked Hikari about it, and she had said it was fine as long as Yui stuck to her promise. It was only a few weeks.
Yui wanted to do just that. That promise was giving everyone else more peace of mind. Giving them peace of mind meant helping them. So Yui wouldn't drink. She could stay sober for two weeks, even with that temptation. She had water. That was fine. Things were fine. Everything was fine. And everything would stay fine.