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Sonny sat at the bar, his back hunched over as he nursed a whiskey. It was his sixth drink of the night, tenth if you included the beers he'd had at home.
He'd spent countless nights alone in his apartment, drinking and drowning his sorrows. But tonight he couldn't handle another night alone.
He wasn't with anyone at the bar, he hadn't even asked anyone to meet him. He didn't need interaction. He just needed to be in the vicinity of other people. He just couldn't bare to spend another night in his apartment, drinking and staring at the walls, everything in that place reminded him of Rafael.
He'd packed up all of Rafael's things weeks prior, and even though there were no items of his left as reminders, the apartment itself housed so many memories from his relationship with Rafael.
When he sat on the couch, where memories of Rafael sitting close to him flooded his mind, he could feel the warmth from Rafael's body even now. He even felt like he could still smell him. And every time he did his heart sank, and a painful lump formed in his throat.
When he looked at the coffee table, the one leg of it that was out of alignment, a reminder of the time they'd stumbled into it whilst ravaging each other on the way to the bedroom.
The kitchen, where they'd cooked and cleaned and baked together, as well as countless times they'd fooled around.
The bathroom, that time they drunkenly attempted shower sex, Rafael grasping at the shower curtain to help keep his balance, the whole rod came crashing down, Rafael laid splayed out on the floor, Sonny on top of him, the shower curtain wrapped around them both as they laughed hysterically - this, among other memories.
The bedroom, too many memories. Not just their sexcapades, but the intimacy they'd shared. Neither of them had felt so close to another person before. They had never known a love like they'd shared.
So where did it all go wrong? Sonny sat at the bar, asking himself that same question.
He ordered another drink, as a group well do people entered the bar.
Sonny didn't bother to look up, he didn't think he'd know anyone in this part of town. He'd purposely chosen this bar for that reason.
"Scotch, neat" a voice familiar to Sonny said.
He recognised that cologne too. That cologne that had been permanently etched in his brain.
Sonny slowly lifted his head and looked to his right, there stood Rafael Barba, looking better than ever. Sonny's heart felt as if it were on the verge of combustion - which wasn't helped by the fact that he'd just downed his entire glass of whiskey when he'd heard Rafael's voice.
Sonny wondered to himself if Rafael had seen him. He must have seen him, the bar was over fifteen foot long and empty, and Rafael had chosen to order his drink standing right next to him.
And if for some reason his sight had deteriorated significantly within the last three months, and Rafael hadn't seen him, he could hardly slink off the bar stool and make his way out without drawing attention to himself.
He took a deep breath, "You... You're back?" Sonny said, staring at his drink.
"Nice work, Detective..." Rafael said, side eyeing Sonny, not looking directly at him.
"I... You... Why didn't you tell me? You could have called?" Sonny said, red in the face as he turned to look Rafael in the eye.
"Well, we're not really on speaking terms are we? I could have called, you're right. And you could have called me at some stage over the last three months, but you didn't. And here we are..." Rafael replied, grabbing his drink from the barman and walking away, back over to his group of friends that he'd arrived with.
Sonny watched as Rafael walked away, he was hurt by Rafael's coldness. His walls were up, way up. He was more guarded than Sonny had ever seen the man.
Sonny was hurt, he was sad, he was angry, he was confused, and he felt like he wasn't done talking to Rafael.
He got up and surprisingly managed to get off the stool quite tidily, considering the amount of alcohol in his system.
The alcohol gave him the courage to brazenly waltz up to Rafael and his group of fancy friends.
"Rafael, we need to talk" Sonny said, staring down at Rafael and ignoring everyone else around the table.
"I'm busy, Detective" Rafael said as he clenched his jaw in annoyance.
"Oooo Detective! How exciting!" a blonde woman with large hair and too much makeup on gushed, fluffing up the collar of her fur coat, "Do introduce us to your handsome friend, Rafi" she continued as she eyed Sonny.
"We used to work together" Rafael replied before clearing his throat, "Excuse me a moment" he said before getting up.
He walked swiftly out of the bar, Sonny trailing behind.
Rafael flew out of the front doors and onto the curb outside, "WHAT IS IT? What's so important you have to interrupt me while I'm out with friends?"
"Firstly, those people are your friends? Wow. Washington really changed you. And secondly and more importantly, us! I want to talk about us, that is what's so important that I interrupted you and the bloody posh squad!" Sonny yelled back at Rafael, giving as good as he got.
Rafael stared at the ground, shaking his head, "Sonny, there is no us. You should know that, you're the one that broke it off when I moved away..." Rafael voice caught in his throat.
"I... Well. Why are you back? Are you just visiting or... Are you really back, like for good?" Sonny's eyes burned as he tried to will the tears away.
"I'm back for good. The DAs office missed me too much, offered me a big fat raise. I couldn't say no" Rafael still wouldn't look at Sonny.
"... You should have told me" Sonny said, quietly.
"Why? Why should I have told you? What gives you the right to know what I'm doing with my life after you discarded me like I didn't mean anything to you... Jesus Sonny, You walked away so easily... You cut me off like it was no big deal. I thought you loved me?" tears fell from Rafael's cheeked and into the pavement at which he stared, his voice shaking as he spoke.
"I did love you, I do love you... I didn't handle you moving away well at all. I made it about me. In my mind you were doing it to get away from me..." Sonny said, staring at Rafael as tears continued to spill out of him and onto the pavement.
"Nice try Sonny but that's a terrible excuse. I ASKED you to come with me! How is that trying to get away!?"
"Because you knew I couldn't go! I can't leave here, you know that. You had everything here, an amazing job, a solid group of friends, me - but you traded it all for Washington, for a job that was a step sideways..." Sonny spoke aggressively but passionately, hands gesturing at every moment, "Your mind was made up before you'd even told me. And that made me feel like no matter what I said you were going, I could have begged you to stay, but what would've been the use? Your bags were packed and you were practically already on the plane..."
Rafael sniffed, and he pulled a tissue from his cost pocket, wiping his nose still maintaining eye contact with the pavement.
"You should have begged regardless. That's the least you do when someone you love is leaving... Listen I've got to get back in their with those guys, they're not friends but they're Washington acquaintances who helped me settle in over there. I'm returning the favour, their New York tour guide if you will" Rafael explained as he shoved the tissue into his pockets and readied himself to head back into the bar.
As he turned to leave Sonny grabbed his hand "Wait, Rafi..." he said, as Rafael finally met his gaze.
They stood inches apart, Rafael stared into Sonny's blue eyes, the eyes he'd avoided all night, the eyes he loved.
Sonny brushed a stray tear from Rafael's cheek, before taking Rafael's other hand in his.
"Wh... When will you be done? Where are you staying?" Sonny smiled at Rafael.
Rafael sighed, his walls crumbled a little at the sight of Sonny's smile, the way his eyes got a bit squinty, his adorable dimples showing beneath his five day stubble - Sonny was usually clean shaven, but he'd obviously gotten a bit slack with it lately. Not that Rafael minded.
"I don't think I'll be long. This lot is already pretty plastered. I'm supposed to take them to dinner but I'm not sure they even need it. I could even tell them we've already been to dinner and they'd believe me" Rafael offered a smile back.
"...Come to my apartment when you're done? Here, take my spare key. Any time of the night, I don't care, just please... Please stay with me tonight?" Sonny's pink lips forming a pout as he held the key out for Rafael.
"...Okay" Rafael replied, taking the key from Sonny.
Sonny leaned down by kissed Rafael gently, just a soft peck on the lips. As he pulled away Rafael grabbed him by the nape of his neck and pulled him in for a deep and passionate kiss that lasted several minutes.
As he broke away Rafael rested his forehead against Sonny's, he kept his eyes closed, breathing heavily, "Christ I've missed those lips."
Sonny laughed in response, before saying "I've missed every inch of you..." his eyes welling with tears.
Rafael pulled Sonny in for another kissed, he groaned against Sonny's mouth, "I've really got to get back inside"
"...Okay" Sonny said breathlessly as he broke away from Rafael's lips, "I better get home and tidy up. I haven't shaved in days. This is my 'too heartbroken to function' look" Sonny said as he pointed to his stubble.
"Leave it, I want to feel it between my thighs later..." Rafael said seductively as he pulled on the lapels of Sonny's coat, smirking and cocking an eyebrow.
Sonny bit his bottom lip and smiled like a lunatic. He was glad he'd left his apartment tonight.