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A lot about James’ life had changed since they stopped doing evil and settled down in Kanto. Jessie had somehow landed herself into a relationship, they had formed a pretty good bond with the twerp since his mom was now in the equation, and James had even opened his own restaurant with Meowth’s help. He’d even found his Inkay from the Kalos region and brought it over to Kanto, which turned out to be a pretty good chef itself. The restaurant ended up being very successful, and James had started looking for extra help around the place.
He had to admit, it was a little strange sometimes talking to Ash. Knowing that for years, until the boy was thirteen, they’d chased after him and his pikachu for nothing more than selfish ambitions was something he’d had to come to terms with, and it still left a sour taste in his mouth sometimes. The kid, rightfully, had been a little cold towards them when they first renounced Team Rocket, and it had taken a while to earn his trust. But now he trusted them wholeheartedly, and it was still strange to think about. Ash was a very peculiar person, but James enjoyed finding all the things that made him tick.
It shouldn’t have surprised him when Ash came knocking on his door late one night, his ever faithful Pikachu balancing on his shoulders. The boy had just recently come home from another journey, this time retaking the Kalos League for his own. “Oh, hello Ash. I wasn’t expecting to see you this late.” James smiled as he opened the door, moving to let Ash in. Well, “boy” in the loosest sense of the term. Ash was almost seventeen now, and was highly experienced in both Pokèmon and life. Perhaps James was too accustomed to him being a child to consider him anything else.
“Hey, James. Hope I didn’t wake you.” Ash waved politely. Pikachu chirped happily, staring at James (staring way too much).
“Oh, not at all. Meowth is currently taking a three hour bubble bath, and he has a tendency to think it’s a private concert. I’m surprised you’re not at home.” That part was very surprising. Ash always seemed to have plenty of friends nearby, and at the very least his mother would be sure to celebrate. Yet Ash was here. Talking to James. In his house. James never really understood why Ash had let his guard down so easily.
“I was, but…I need to ask you a question.” Ash played with his hands, pressing his right thumb into his left palm.
Interesting. Questions were not uncommon, but it was usually more of a why the hell did you do this awful thing under Team Rocket thing. “I see. Is this a stand in the doorway question or couch and blankets question?”
“Couch and blankets, please. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.”
James led Ash into the house, allowing the boy to grab one of the blankets adorning the back of the couch before he sat on one side of the couch. James sat on the opposing arm, motioning for Ash to begin.
Ash sighed. “Do you remember, back when you guys first started hanging around, the conversation where you asked if I knew what Ace meant and I thought you meant an Ace trainer?”
“Of course.” Yes, James remembered that day quite well. Ash was still pretty young at that point. James had teased Ash about one day finding a love of his own in one or more of his female companions, but the boy had been insistent that they were all just friends. James had posed the question, thinking Ash as a younger kid would know the slang, but it had been misinterpreted and James didn’t have the heart to correct him. Not at that moment, anyway.
“Can you…what else did you mean by Ace?” Something about the way Ash asked it broke James’ heart. He sounded so… confused . James remembered being that way at first, the promise(threat) of a partner to share his life with. No privacy, no room for your own life, just the identity of being a husband and the expectations that came with it. WIth Jesse, it was different. Sure, they were together a lot, but they kind of did their own thing together. When they needed time alone, they’d be alone. Jesse preferred to do the heavy lifting and dress up as the man whereas James was allowed to be anything but the typical masculine stereotype. Jesse sought out romantic relationships, James didn’t.
“Ace is a shorted word for Asexual. Someone who feels no sexual desires towards people, or maybe only a few. It can be quite a spectrum.” James really wanted a whiteboard right about now. Something to go on the list, then.
“Really?”
“Oh, yes. There are some people who feel absolutely no desires, and then there are some who take a while to warm up to them. They may feel love for others romantically, but sex just doesn’t have an important part in their lives. There’s a similar term called aromantic, for people who don’t feel romantic desires for others. They can feel sexual desire, but little to no romantic. And then, of course, you have people who are AroAce. No desire for either, or very little desire.”
“Wow. That…seems really complicated.” Ash seemed deep in thought. James wondered what was going on inside his head. Despite what others thought, Ash could be incredibly intelligent. He just needed a moment to work stuff out sometimes.
“It can be, especially when one is in the process of finding themselves. If you don’t mind me asking, what brought up this curiosity? The original conversation was quite a while ago, and I wasn’t really sure you remembered it.”
Pikachu climbed down from Ash’s shoulders, curling up in his lap instead. “It happened a couple of days ago, before I came back from Kalos. I was hanging out with a few of my friends from that region when the topic got onto partners. What everyone wanted when they settled down. And it all just felt so strange to me, like…”
Ah. James understood now. “Like they were speaking a foreign language that only you couldn’t speak?”
“Yeah! And I was trying to figure it out, but it just didn’t make sense. And I remembered the conversation, plus you know more about this than I do, so I thought I might ask.”
“Well, you came to the right place. If I had to guess, I’d say your issue now is that you’re trying to figure out if that title fits you?” This, James could handle. He’d been a little nervous about why Ash wanted to come to him at first but this made sense.
“Yeah. I tried to do a little bit of research on it, but everything I found made it seem so…all or nothing. Either you felt them, or you didn’t. Plus, emotions are kinda hard to figure out.”
“Oh, absolutely. They can be very frustrating to decipher. But is there any reason you think it doesn’t fit?”
“I guess…the words sex and love, whenever I was looking all of this up, it was just so vague. I’ve never loved anyone like a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but I love my mom and I love my Pokèmon. I don’t want to have sex with anyone, but I still get, urges, I guess? It all sounded to black and white.”
“Well, It’s never crystal clear at first. But, lets start with the first point. There are many different kinds of love. There’s familial love, such as between you and your mom, and quite possibly your Pokèmon. There is love for your friends, like you were talking about earlier, and then there is romantic love. There’s actually quite a lot more, but for now we’ll stick with these three. Romantic love is the desire to spend your life together with a specific someone, maybe someones. You’d live together, and spend all of your time together. You can think of it like Pokèballs. You never use one in every situation. There a different types with different uses. Sometimes, people don’t have every single Pokèball, and that’s alright! As long as they can make do with what they have.”
There was a loud screech from the upstairs portion of the house, making James sigh.
“Meowth?” Ash asked.
“Meowth.”
“I feel like I need to be taking notes.”
Then James had done a good job. “I’m almost done with this part of the explanation, unless you have more questions. But, for your second point, there’s a difference between feeling sexual desires for someone and your body having urges. You’re going to naturally have urges. You’re a growing person, and your body will be producing a lot of hormones. But sexual desires for someone usually involves a fantasy with a specific face and name in mind. Wanting to share an experience between two people, and that means getting very intimate with them and yourself. Wanting to commit the act with that person. Not everyone feels that need, and they can usually manage by themselves. As I said earlier, sex is not a focus in their life. Some people on the spectrum may be open to having sex every now and then, but it is not usually something they constantly chase. Besides, we’re all human. Very little is going to be black and white. Especially when you’re dealing with matters involving the heart.“
Ash paused, sitting in silence for a few seconds. “So I’m not…broken? For feeling this way?”
“Absolutely not! Despite what you may be lead to believe, this is a very common occurrence. Unfortunately, we as a society don’t do enough to teach about this, and it leaves a lot of people feeling just like that. They feel broken, or left behind, and many of them believe that they just need to find that one person for them to make them whole. It’s okay to be you, and still be confused by what the hell it means to be that.”
Ash smiled. “Thanks, James. I needed that.”
“I had a feeling. Did I ever tell you how I ended up joining Team Rocket?”
“You mentioned something about being lost once.”
It was a story James didn’t tell many people. It’s hard to move on from your past when everyone wants to know what caused it. “Well, it’s kind of true. Back when I was young, I’d say about twelve, my parents arranged a marriage for me. It was to a daughter of a family friend, someone high in class and wealth. I was so distraught, I ran away. I couldn’t imagine tying myself down to someone like that, being stuck before I ever got the chance to explore. Another Team Rocket member found me wandering in the mountains, and he thought it would be good to induct me while I was still vulnerable. As awful as we were, I found a home in Team Rocket, and I didn’t feel pressured to try to understand love. In fact, it took quite a lot of digging within myself to discover that I didn’t want that. An excellent life for those that choose it, but I did not want it. And voila, I was sent down the path that led me to meeting Meowth and Jessie, and only slightly terrorizing you and your friends for years to come!”
“Slightly?” Ash and Pikachu both raised an eyebrow. James is suddenly reminded just how much the two look alike.
“Maybe a bit more than slightly, but you understand what I mean.”
“Yeah. I…It feels good, to finally have a name to put to the feeling.”
“I know. If you ever need help with something, feel free to come ask. It’s actually quite fun talking with you when we’re not battling.” James grinned.
“Ten Year Old Me would never believe that I agree to that.” Ash chuckled.
“Well, Ten Year Old you was also not very bright.”
“Hey!”