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“Are you daydreaming, thinking of our schedule, or plotting revenge?”
A blink. “What? Sorry, I wasn’t payin—”
“Attention? Yeah, I noticed. I asked if you were daydreaming, thinking of our schedule, or plotting revenge.”
“Why would I be plotting revenge Junsu-yah?”
“Oh, well if you don’t know why, there’s no reason to then.” Junsu replies mischievously. “But, just say there was a reason for you to, would you like to know?”
“Are you saying that there’s something I should know about?”
“Yunho-hyung! Don’t answer my question with another question! But don’t you wonder why the house is so quiet today?”
“Now that you mention it, where is everyone? I know Jaejoong is out with his friends, but where are Yoochun and Changmin?”
“Yoochun has locked himself in with the piano. Changmin, well I think he should be freaking out right now trying to fix it.”
“Fix what?” Yunho’s confusion is starting to become irritation with Junsu’s evasive answers.
“Yunho-hyung, have you seen your phone today?”
“Now that you mention it, I haven’t seen it for awhile. I was playing a game on it earlier, I didn’t even finish…” Yunho looks around the couch and coffee table. “Where did it go?”
“You might want to locate Changmin for that,” and Junsu wanders off to the music room to accompany Yoochun.
“Junsu, you really told Yunho-hyung? That’s so evil! Changmin’s gonna get killed.” Yoochun feels sympathetic towards Changmin already.
A yell and footsteps approach the front door. “It was an accident hyung! I’ll fix it!”
“How can you fix it?! Come back here!” More running is heard and a door is slammed shut. “Shim Changmin! You open this door right now!”
“I don’t have a death wish! I’ll fix it hyung! Just give me a few hours to…” the rest of the sentence is drowned out by Junsu’s unique laughter.
“That’ll teach Changmin not to tease me all the time!”
Yoochun shudders, “You can be scary sometimes, Junsu. But everyone teases you; you should be used to it by now. I’m just glad it’s not me out there with your evil plans.”
“How do you know I’m not hatching any plans for you?” Junsu flashes his angelic smile and slips out the room to watch his revenge unfold.
“Wait! Junsu~” Yoochun whines, trailing after Junsu, “you know I love you the most right?”
“Eu kyang kyang” is the only response he gets.
Keys jingle as Jaejoong lets himself into the apartment while balancing three pizzas in his arms. Meandering his way to the dining table, he’s surprised to see Yunho there staring off into space.
“Yunho-yah, are you all right?”
“Jaejoongie? When did you get back?”
“Just now, what’s wrong? Is something troubling you?”
“Don’t worry about him hyung,” Junsu opens one of the boxes and grabs a slice of pizza, “he’s been like that the whole day.”
“Junsu, do you want soda with that? I’ll get it for you. You just sit and enjoy your dinner ok?” Yoochun rushes off to the fridge to get Junsu a drink.
“Yah, Yoochun, what about the rest of us?” Jaejoong pouts as he grabs several plates for everyone.
“You can get it yourself! Junsu-yah, you know I treat you the best, right?”
“What’s wrong with him? Why is he kissing up to Junsu so much?” Jaejoong asks Yunho, still watching Yoochun dote on Junsu.
“I’m not sure myself. They’ve been like that since I’ve been guarding the fridge.”
“Why are you guarding the fridge? Junsu call Changmin to have dinner.”
“No! Changmin’s being punished. He’s not allowed to eat until he fixes my phone! That’s why I’ve been guarding the fridge.”
“You mean Changmin hasn’t eaten the whole day!? Are you sure he hasn’t died already? Junsu, Yoochun-ah, take a pizza to Changmin will you?” Jaejoong’s inner umma instincts come out.
“But Joongie~ he broke my phone. I wasn’t even done with my game either.” Yunho whines, pouting over the fact that Jaejoong-umma has overridden his orders not to feed the maknae.
“How long do you expect to keep this up? You’ll have to leave the fridge some time, might as well let the boy eat. Besides, how’s he supposed to fix your phone if he’s passed out from starvation? Go on; go feed Changmin before he resorts to chewing on furniture.” Junsu and Yoochun grab two boxes of pizza and a couple of soda and hurry to escape the pouting Yunho. “What’s up with you anyway? You were spacing out when I got back.”
“Oh, nothing. Just thinking about something you had said the other day.”
“I say many things Yunho. Many of them are wise too, you should take heed.” Jaejoong grins.
“I have no doubt you can be wise, yet I have never seen it demonstrated.” Yunho teases a pout from Jaejoong’s lips before taking a bite out of his slice of pizza.
“What were you thinking about then? If I said it, maybe I can explain it to you.” Jaejoong sticks his tongue out at Yunho before taking a sip from his soda.
“I was just thinking of what you said about ‘unconditional love’ and how it doesn’t exist. You’re one of the most loving people I know, and yet you have such a cynical view on love. You know it’s hard for me to fall in love, and yet I believe in ‘unconditional love’. It’s just weird you know.”
“It’s not weird at all, and knowing my background you shouldn’t be too surprised.” Jaejoong shrugs.
Yunho opens his mouth to ask a question, but thinks better of it. “Well, you can explain to me how it makes sense. I’ve been trying to figure out how you can be so contradictory.”
“You like everyone; it doesn’t take much for you to love someone. That’s why they made you the leader in the first place. It’s not the same for me. Relationships don’t come easily to me; I don’t have that friendly image that draws people in.”
“What are you talking about Jaejoong? You have the most friends out of all of us!”
“That’s different Yunho-yah. In the beginning, they only want to get to know Hero Jaejoong, not Kim Jaejoong. With time, it may turn into something more, but it’s not Kim Jaejoong that they are initially interested in. But you’re right, I do have a lot of friends, and each and everyone has done something that lets me know they see me as more than just Hero Jaejoong.”
“I don’t understand what this has to do with you not believing in ‘unconditional love’.”
“But it does, don’t you see? If you prove to me that you love me for me, then I can love you for you. That is the condition I have for love.”
“That’s not exclusive of ‘unconditional love’, that’s just getting to know someone and trusting someone. That doesn’t mean you love someone conditionally. I’m careful of letting people know me too, but once I find someone special to me, I know I can love him unconditionally. Jaejoong-ah, just because you don’t love everyone unconditionally doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”
“It doesn’t exist, I think everyone has a condition, it’s just some people don’t discover what that condition is. Some conditions are easily met, some you will never discover because it’s difficult to accomplish. Besides, conditions aren’t limited to starting to love someone; it can be the inability to continue loving someone.”
“So you’re saying that love can be taken away after it’s been given?” Yunho furrows his brows in confusion at Jaejoong’s shaking head. “But you just said you couldn’t continue to love someone due to certain conditions.”
“You can stop loving them more, but you may not love them less. Love isn’t something that’s given and taken away. It’s like breaking up with your girlfriend. You don’t wake up one day and completely stop loving her; you just realize she doesn’t meet a condition that you need for the relationship to continue.”
“Romantic relationships are difficult, but what about the love between family? I know my parents didn’t approve of me doing this, but they don’t love me any less for doing it. Doesn’t that show you that love can be unconditional?” Yunho belatedly realizes he shouldn’t have brought up family.
Jaejoong pauses and decides to address the remorse showing on Yunho’s face first. “It’s all right Yunho-yah. I’ve come to terms with my adoption years ago.” A faint smile. “I was wondering when you’d bring up family since it is a classical example of ‘unconditional love’. You’re right, most parents are more accepting of their children’s faults than others. However, your choice of profession is hardly a fault. But not all parents have the same conditions. There are plenty of examples of parents that have abused their children, even resenting their existence.”
“Jaejoongie, I’m sure your biological parents don’t resent you.” Yunho’s concern increases.
“No, but we’re not talking about them are we. There are plenty of children that are abused in our society; there are plenty of people who are hated by family because they are inclined to the same gender; there are people that are disowned for being someone their families cannot understand. That’s not to say they are not loved, because they are; but they are not loved as well as they could have been had there been no conditions on love.
“If ‘unconditional love’ existed, we wouldn’t be afraid to tell our loved ones the ugly things about ourselves; and yet, sometimes it’s the hardest to be honest to those who love us best. Tell me, Yunho-yah, if love was unconditional, why is it so hard to show ourselves to others?”
“Jaejoong-ah…” Yunho doesn’t know how to continue this discussion since Jaejoong already looks so depressed. “I will love you no matter what, even if the world doesn’t understand you.”
“Yah, who says I was talking about myself? But what if I was a serial killer? Would you still love me then?” Jaejoong jokes to shake off the previous melancholy mood.
“But you aren’t, so I don’t need to worry about it.” Yunho decides to drop the subject.
“Thank you, for trying to love me unconditionally.” Jaejoong hugs Yunho awkwardly from across the table.
“No need to try, you’re easy to love.” Yunho returns the embrace. “Besides, what kind of appa would I be if I couldn’t love umma unconditionally? The kids need a role model you know? Can’t have it be you with your cynicism and dirty mind.”
“Jung Yunho! At least I’m not forgetful and childish like you!” Jaejoong snaps back and hits Yunho’s back before letting go.
“Oh~ violent too! Umma, you’re a bad role model.” And Yunho slips away before Jaejoong can hit him again. “And slow too. Ah…Jaejoongie, our kids are going to come out badly if you’re their only influence.”
“Aish! Jung Yunho, you come back here!” and Jaejoong-umma chases Yunho-appa around until they both collapse with laughter.
“You might be right, Jaejoong. Love may not be unconditional, but the only condition for anyone to love you is for you to be you.”