Chapter Text
Nathalie wasn’t sure exactly what happened in the end. She remembered being frail, exhausted, fuzzy around the edges. For a while she’d known that her time was soon to be up; she could see it in her gaunt features and graying hair, in her dull, sunken eyes, she could feel it in her burning joints and painful, laborious breathing. She was afraid; she didn’t know who Adrien would turn to without her. Perhaps his aunt Amelie, even if Adrien wasn’t terribly fond of his cousin Félix. But anybody, she figured, would be better than his father. Anybody at all. Her looming mortality caused Nathalie’s sense to wane; and at the apex of her hysteria she’d mustered all of her remaining strength in one final desperate bid for Adrien’s freedom. Using only her wits and her crossbow, she’d tried to slay Monarch herself.
She, of course, was unsuccessful. Monarch carried Nathalie back to her bed, and then after his departure, Ladybug showed up. The sneaky red beetle had been eavesdropping. She’d witnessed the truth of Monarch’s identity, and was clearly rattled by it.
If Nathalie couldn’t stop Monarch directly, she wanted to make sure Paris’ hero had all the tools in her arsenal to finally stop Gabriel’s madness. She relayed all the information she could to Ladybug, but the hero’s mind was clearly scattered. She was positively distraught at the sight of Nathalie, even knowing that she had used the Peacock Miraculous, that she had such a direct hand in all of the city’s hardships over the past months. Ladybug begged and pleaded, offered to take her to the hospital, but both of them knew it was too late.
The last thing Nathalie remembered was Paris’ hero coming undone at her bedside, begging and pleading for her to come back, her words broken apart by sobs and despondent, ragged gasps for air. Nathalie had slipped into the dark, with nobody to mourn her but the teenager she had spent so many months terrorizing.
But then, suddenly, she woke up, from a sleep she was so certain would be eternal. She was back in her bed, in the same place she’d been when Ladybug had bid her an unwilling goodbye. She still felt the aches and pains in her joints, she still felt the labored breathing. She still needed her crutches to get out of bed. But for the first time in months, she didn’t feel like her body was going to give out at any moment. Stumbling to the bathroom mirror, she saw her reflection, her eyes no longer sunken, the color returned to her face and hair.
While inspecting herself in the mirror, somebody knocked at the door.
Surprised, Nathalie shifted her weight back onto her crutches, ambling to the door. She turned the knob and opened it, a wave of static washing over her and causing her hair to stand on end. To her surprise, she was met with a lanky teenager clad in bright red. It was Ladybug, but she looked different. Felt different. For an indescribable reason, Nathalie felt unnerved by her presence, as if the air around her was charged.
“You must have made the wish,” Nathalie murmured, almost too stunned to speak. She gazed at the figure standing in front of her. It was Ladybug, for sure, but along with her normal bug features, she had large, fuzzy pointed ears, cat paws, and a short, bobbed tail. The air around her buzzed with a crackling, manic energy, an aura that made it difficult to look at her for very long. But despite the power of the combined Miraculous, Ladybug looked miserable. She had her forepaws wrapped tightly around herself, hunched forward, ears pinned back, her green compound eyes staring at the floor.
“Miss Nathalie,” Ladybug croaked. “I… I need your… I need some advice.”
Though surprised, Nathalie moved aside as quickly as she could, allowing Ladybug a way in. She noticed the hero was trembling.
“Let’s sit,” Nathalie said. She motioned to her bed with one of her crutches. Ladybug followed her direction; walking slowly, with unsure steps, towards the bed. She didn’t look at Nathalie, not even once. Her demeanor was above all, puzzling. Nathalie pictured that she would be triumphant, after defeating her greatest enemy.
“Ladybug,” Nathalie began carefully. “You… don’t look great.”
Ladybug took in a deep, slow breath. Her whiskers were flattened against her face and a low, somber trilling sounded in her throat.
“It’s Bug Noir,” the hero said quietly. “I, um, I unified the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous.”
“Bug Noir,” Nathalie corrected herself. “You don’t look great. Where is your… partner?”
“I don’t know,” Bug Noir admitted, her voice gravelly and quiet. “He got transformed by the Alliance, and his Kwami brought me his Miraculous. He… He should be safe now. I… I defeated him. I defeated Monarch, I mean.”
Nathalie nodded slowly. She wasn’t sure what to say. Bug Noir stared at the floor with hollow, unresponsive eyes.
“Monarch, he…” Bug Noir stammered. “I, um, I understand you two were… close. He’s um… He’s dead. I…I’m sorry.”
Though she had assumed as much, hearing it said out loud didn’t make Nathalie feel any better. Bug Noir sat hunched forward, barely moving. Worriedly, Nathalie put her hand on the hero’s shoulder. She felt a current of energy pulse through her body at the contact, but did her best to ignore the odd sensation.
“Did you kill him?” Nathalie asked plainly, not wanting to dance around the point. “If you did, If you’re worried about getting in trouble… I don’t think anybody will want to punish you. It’s painful, but… if you did… it was the right thing to do.”
Bug noir didn’t look up. She just shook her head.
“No… No, he… he stole my miraculous. He made the wish,” Bug Noir murmured. She looked up, her bright green compound eyes boring into Nathalie’s. “He traded his life for yours.”
Nathalie was too stunned to speak.
Bug Noir was exhausted. So, so much happened that day. Unifying Tikki and Plagg was an impulsive, last-minute decision; but if she hadn’t, Monarch would have easily taken the Miraculous from her. She had no choice.
But, as it turns out, wielding the two most powerful Miraculous at the same time was no joke. All of her senses, every inch of her body burned with adrenaline; like her insides were made of fire and wanted to escape from the flesh case holding them back. If she burned the candle at both ends as Ladybug, she was burning the candle from eight ends as Bug Noir.
The fight wasn’t the hard part. Monarch, though a formidable opponent, had been weakened by Chat Noir’s cataclysm. No, the most difficult part was watching Gabriel Agreste make his wish. The horrible, awful pit of dread that opened in Bug Noir’s belly, knowing that she lost. She failed as the Guardian of the Miraculous. Monarch had seized them all and made his wish, molding the universe to his liking. Bug Noir didn’t know what he had changed. The world had suddenly become unfamiliar, and very scary, as if something might jump out to hurt her at any moment, a product of Gabriel’s malice. And yet… he sacrificed his own life, his own wellbeing, for that of his son. In the end, he gave up on his ambitions and brought Nathalie back from the dead, so Adrien wouldn’t be alone.
Bug Noir wasn’t sure how to feel.
Well, she was sure of one thing. She hated Gabriel Agreste. With every whisker and antennae on her body. Her whole frame quaked with rage, thinking about him. She hated him for what he’s done to the city. She hated him for all the pain and misery he’s caused. She hated him for dying on his own terms, and continuing to make her miserable, even from beyond the grave. But most of all, what made her wish she could have shredded him to ugly purple ribbons, she hated him for what he did to his son. To the boy she loved. Adrien.
She imagined the defeat of Monarch many times. In her mind, she pictured it as triumphant and celebratory; a day more important than her graduation, than any birthday, than anything she’d achieve for the rest of her life. It would be perfect. Her problems would be over.
But the defeat of Monarch had, unfortunately, not solved all her problems. She wanted so badly, for his fall to mean her life would become uncomplicated again.
Well, as uncomplicated as it could be.
There would be no more supervillains seeking to rewrite the universe, at least. She could be happy with her boyfriend, Adrien. Maybe she could even tell him her secret. She and Chat Noir, too, could unmask themselves to each other, the danger of Monarch finding out their secret identities no longer looming over their heads. She could rest easy, knowing Chat Noir wouldn’t disappear into the ether, never to be seen again. She wondered what he’s like, in his civilian identity. She hoped he would get along with Adrien, Alya, Nino, and all her other friends. She dreamed so many times of introducing him to them.
Secret identities revealed or not, more than anything, she wanted to share the moment with him , with her beloved partner, the cat who had gotten her through everything. With him, nothing could go wrong. And if anything did go wrong, he would be there for her.
But it wasn’t at all like she hoped.
He hadn’t been there. She faced it alone. And defeating Monarch almost created more problems than it solved.
She didn’t recover his Miraculous. Seemingly it vanished into thin air, along with the man who’d wielded it.
And that man was Adrien Agreste’s father.
Monarch was Gabriel Agreste. And Mayura was Adrien Agreste’s… weird, almost-stepmom.
Against Bug Noir’s better judgment, she sought out the latter. Despite going claw-to-talon with Mayura more times than she could count, Bug Noir knew Nathalie’s last actions had been an attempt on Monarch’s life. For the good of Adrien. If Nathalie cared about Adrien, well… The enemy of my enemy, or what have you, Bug Noir told herself.
That brought her to the present, where she was telling Nathalie what happened. Nathalie seemed almost dumbfounded at the idea that Gabriel would sacrifice himself for her.
“That’s very unlike him,” Nathalie finally said.
“I agree,” Bug Noir replied tensely. “And not only that, but… He wants me to keep his secret from Adrien.”
“Oh,” Nathalie said quietly. She was silent for a moment. “That, I can’t say I’m surprised at.”
Bug Noir nodded her agreement. She felt sick to her stomach with shame. She didn’t defeat Monarch, not really. She’d lost to him, if anything; he made his wish, and now she had no idea what changes the universe had undergone. Everything seemed mostly the same, but… She shook her head, willing the physical action to rid her mind of intangible thoughts.
I can’t worry about that now, she told herself; if only because the idea of everything outside this room right now felt too overwhelming to deal with. The walls were solid and safe, keeping her closed off, cocooned away from everything she’d have to face once she left. She needed to focus on the here and now, before her brain got off-track and sent her into a tailspin, before she bottomed out and was lost to the abyss of dread forever. She was here for a very specific reason.
“Monarch’s not what I need advice on,” Bug Noir said to Nathalie. “You’re… um, from what I understand… You’ll be Adrien’s legal guardian from now on?”
Nathalie sighed.
“Yes,” she answered simply; a new, deep sadness in her tone. “I… suppose I am.”
Bug Noir fidgeted uncomfortably. She didn’t know how to approach the next part. Nathalie’s past activity as Mayura made it both more and less awkward.
“Since you’ve used the Peacock Miraculous,” Bug Noir began. “You must know… Of Adrien’s… That he’s….”
“A Sentimonster,” Nathalie finished grimly. “Yes, I knew. Even before I used any Miraculous.”
“Does Adrien know?” Bug Noir then asked, still holding her breath.
She really hoped he already knew.
“No,” Nathalie said. “He doesn’t know.”
Bug Noir’s heart fell. She stared at the ground, flexing her paws idly, extending and retracting her claws, kneading on her legs. The rhythmic pricking through her suit soothed her. It’ll just be repaired magically when i transform again, she thought to herself.
“It doesn’t feel right that I know,” Bug Noir murmured. “Especially if Adrien doesn’t even know himself.”
“How did you find out?” Nathalie asked.
“His cousin, Félix,” Bug Noir explained. “He’s… He’s the same. He told me.”
Nathalie nodded. Bug Noir carefully left out that she suspected Kagami was also a Sentimonster. That wasn’t Nathalie’s business. She felt bad even telling on Félix, but based on the story he and Kagami pantomimed… well, she guessed if Nathalie knew about Adrien’s origins, she must know about Félix’s, too.
“I see,” Nathalie said, her tone devoid of surprise.
“I want Adrien to know, though,” Bug Noir continued. “He has the right. It’s not fair his origins were kept a secret from him.”
“Do you want to tell him?” Nathalie asked.
“I can’t!” Bug Noir exclaimed, her eyes going wide. “This is so… It’s so personal, so private, every day since I found out, I’ve only been able to think about how I shouldn’t know this! Especially if Adrien doesn’t know! How would that make him feel, knowing that I knew it before he did?”
Nathalie looked pensive.
“I understand,” Nathalie said. “It must have been upsetting for you to find out.”
Bug Noir flattened her ears. Irritation pricked at her pads, and she flexed her claws anxiously, digging them into her own skin.
“It’s not about how I feel!” she hissed, exasperated. “It’s about Adrien! He would probably feel… I dunno, violated ! If he knew other people knew about this before him. I don’t want to upset him. I can’t be the one to tell him, Nathalie, I can’t.”
Bug Noir felt her breaths getting shallower. She flattened her ears, gripping her knees tightly. Nathalie patted her shoulder awkwardly.
“I’ll tell him, then,” Nathalie said. “What he needs more than anything right now is a responsible adult.”
Bug Noir curled her claws further into her skin. A low yowl sounded in her throat, and she thumped her bob-tail against the bed.
A responsible adult! As if you didn’t spent months trying to string Chat Noir and I up by our tails!
With a low clicking, Bug Noir bit back her annoyance.
… She did try to kill Monarch, though. Seems like she’s learned her lesson on tormenting children. And she’d never hurt Adrien, right?
“You have to be gentle about it,” Bug Noir pressed. “And it’s not just up to you. I think Adrien should have a choice as well. In what he wants to do, now that his father is gone.”
Nathalie bit her lip nervously, as if she knew what was coming next.
“You have used the Peacock Miraculous,” Bug Noir continued. She was trying her best to be stern, to keep the trembling out of her voice. “A-And Adrien is a Sentimonster. He has a right to know you abused the power that created him. And that you knew of his origins.”
Nathalie dipped her head solemnly, agreeing to the terms. Bug Noir was grateful; she really didn’t have the energy to argue with anybody right now.
“Of course, Bug Noir,” Nathalie said. “Using the Peacock to aid Monarch is the biggest regret of my life. I don’t care about the harm it caused me, but the harm it caused to others, and that it nearly left Adrien with nobody to look after him… It keeps me up at night.”
The secretary shivered. Bug Noir felt a pang of sympathy, in spite of their antagonistic history. Nathalie was staring into the middle distance, and though vigor and strength had been returned to her by the wish, there was no mistaking the weary glaze of her eyes. This must be hard for her too, Bug Noir thought to herself. She knew Gabriel Agreste for so long…
“Did you love him? Mr. Agreste, I mean,” Bug Noir blurted out without thinking. Nathalie jerked around to look at her, eyes wide in surprise.
“Wh- Was it that obvious, I-” Nathalie stammered.
“No! It was Adrien who, um, who had the idea,” Bug Noir quickly added. “I’ve spoken to him a few times. He… well, he thought you and his father were going to get married.”
To Bug Noir’s surprise, Nathalie stifled a weak laugh.
“Ah,” she shook her head. “No, Gabriel and I were never together. Things between us were… complicated. Especially after Adrien’s mother passed away. I think it’s best I don’t bore you with explanations.”
Bug Noir flicked an ear. She burned with curiosity, but nodded out of respect for Nathalie’s subtle bid for privacy.
“Very well, then,” Bug Noir stood up on shaky legs. “Where is Adrien? I’d like to bring him home.”
“He’s being held in a bunker, in London,” Nathalie said. “I’ll give you the directions. I’m in no shape to make such a journey right now, even with my returned strength.”
Every muscle in Bug Noir’s body ached with fatigue. She was really in no position to fly all the way either, but she needed to make sure Adrien was safe. If she weren’t so concerned, maybe she’d be annoyed that Nathalie was shifting this responsibility to her. But there wasn’t time for her to consider that. All she could think of was Adrien, hoping that he was still here, and that he hadn’t disappeared along with his father.