Archive of Our Own

Valerie: Etho if I get fired, tell your boyfriend I hid his stepstool on the highest shelf of the storage room

EthoS: one

EthoS: Bdubs isn't my boyfriend

EthoS: two

EthoS: what

Valerie: Jokes on you

Valerie: I never said Bdubs was your boyfriend

Valerie: Etho

Valerie: Etho

Valerie: is there something you want to share with the class?????

EthoS: why do you think you'll get fired

Valerie: BOO!!!!!!

Valerie: bringing the convo back to my dilemma

Valerie: sneaky

Valerie: but effectful

EthoS: that's not a word

Valerie: you're not a word

EthoS: val

Valerie: :(

Valerie: fine

Valerie: effective

EthoS: :)

EthoS: what's up

Valerie: oh right

Valerie: okay so

Valerie: you know how the coffee shop has that Secret Santa thingy?

EthoS: yeah

Valerie: I got X

EthoS: oh

EthoS: fun

Valerie: ETHO

EthoS: that's me

Valerie: WHAT DO I DO

Valerie: HE'S LITERALLY MY BOSS

Valerie: WHAT DO I EVEN GET HIM??????

Valerie: I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM

EthoS: sounds like a you problem

Valerie: ETHO

EthoS: why did you even come to me about this?

EthoS: I don't work there

Valerie: ik

Valerie: i just needed to complain to someone who wouldn't offer to help me

Valerie: because I feel like i hsould be the one to come up with the gift

Valerie: *should

Valerie: as like

Valerie: a thank you?

Valerie: cuz I know i have no credentials to work there

Valerie: but he still took a chance on us

Valerie: i mean me

EthoS: why didn't you message Cleo then

Valerie: because i feel like she'd see me as a wet cat and pity me and help

EthoS: well

EthoS: you are a bit of a wet cat sometimes

EthoS: probably

EthoS: but i don't think that'd be enough to get her to help

EthoS: if anything, she'd probably be annoyed that you're ranting to her about this without expecting anything

Valerie: that too

Valerie: she scares me

EthoS: she'd probably thank you for that

EthoS: are you going to be okay though?

Valerie: maybe

Valerie: idk

Valerie: I'll figure something out

EthoS: good luck then

Valerie: thx bb

EthoS: nope

EthoS: not doing that

Valerie: is it cuz i'm not Bdubs

Valerie: if you want, I could probably pull off an accurate Bdubs cosplay

EthoS: you're taller than him so that immediately disqualifies you for accuracy

Valerie: LMAO

Valerie: true

Valerie: okay i'm going to go brainstorm ideas now

EthoS: good luck

Valerie: thx

Valerie: also, if things go wrong, my request still stands

EthoS: *thumbs up*

Valerie was going to throw up. The gift exchange was seven days away and she still had nothing to give Xisuma. She had tried brainstorming ideas with her friends, but that hadn’t really gone anywhere since. Well. They didn’t know anything about him either.

Then again… Valerie thought, I could always go with that one thing they suggested…

Valerie closed her eyes. She’d rather not go through with it, but she was beginning to run out of options. She conveniently chose to ignore the fact that she could totally ask False for help since…well…

She glanced at the clock hanging over the door. Valerie was supposed to be working right now. But after almost burning herself for the fifth time in the last thirty minutes, False had gently guided her to the employee break room and suggested she take a second to collect herself before going back out.

Which…was fair.

Valerie’s mind couldn’t stop flip flopping between stressing about the quickly approaching gift exchange, and brainstorming ideas for Xisuma’s Secret Santa gift that she still hadn’t acquired yet. The fact that even the other Hermits were noticing how distracted she was made her feel even worse.

Valerie hid her face in her hands with a groan. This wasn’t working. She was a mess, and poor False was out there trying to cover for the both of them.

It was that thought that got Valerie to press a hand to her chest. She took a deep breath and shoved her worries into the back of her mind, deciding to dwell on it later. She got up from her seat and went to go help False.

Valerie: do you know anyone who can pick a lock?

EthoS: maybe Zedaph?

EthoS: do i want to know why you're asking?

Valerie: i think the fact that you're asking in the first place answers that question

EthoS: hmmmmmmm

EthoS: if anyone asks, you went to Tango

Valerie: *thumbs up*

Valerie: do you know how to pick a lock?

Zedaph: who's asking?

Valerie: me

Valerie: it's me

Valerie: I'm asking

Zedaph: cool just double checking

Zedaph: yeah, I might know how to do that

Zedaph: what's up?

Valerie: can you pick the lock to X's office for me?

Valerie: at X's office?

Valerie: in X's office?

Valerie: on X's office?

Valerie: idk

Zedaph: hmmmmmmmmmmm

Zedaph: yeah okay

Valerie: seriously???

Zedaph: sure

Valerie: oh

Valerie: uh

Valerie: thanks

Zedaph: :D

Xisuma rummaged through his pockets as he made his way over to his office. He flipped through his ridiculous array of keys, frowning as he struggled to find the right one, when he noticed his door was slightly ajar. He paused. With furrowed brows, Xisuma warily nudged it open, poking his head through the gap, and blinked.

Slipping into his office, he approached his desk, briefly glancing at the open drawers of his desk before casting his gaze towards the woman lying face down on top of some scrap paper he had left behind. He pursed his lips before lightly tapping his knuckles against the flat surface. “Um… Valerie are you alright?”

Valerie gave him a muffled response, the sound making the corner of his mouth twitch upwards. “Sorry, I couldn’t quite catch that,” he prodded.

After a moment of nothing that made Xisuma wonder if there actually was something wrong, Valerie pulled her face off the table and plopped her chin onto the scrap paper. The disgruntled pout on her face forced him to turn away in order to mask the snort that slipped out.

She glared at him. “Why is your office so empty,” Valerie complained, as though its state had personally wronged her.

“I’m…sorry?”

“I mean,” she waved her hand up in the air. “You don’t even have any pictures of a partner or family in here. Or a hidden Nintendo console to play on break.” She dropped her hand. “You don’t even have any documents on your employees in here!”

Granted, she didn’t actually care about that particular detail since that wasn’t why she was snooping. Valerie had been hoping to find something in Xisuma’s office that could help her come up with his gift. Yet no matter where she looked, there was nothing. But the absence of employee related documents was an interesting thing to note.

Xisuma huffed out a laugh. “Unfortunately, I’m kind of a boring person,” he awkwardly smiled. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Valerie abruptly sat up from his seat, her face growing pale. “I didn’t—” she scrambled to get around the desk. “I didn’t, I didn’t mean it like that! I just—" Valerie stopped.

I just wanted to know what you’d want as a gift.

But it wasn’t like she could say that.

Valerie lowered her gaze, face flushing with embarrassment. Gosh, what was she doing. “I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t interesting…” she mumbled.

Unfortunately, because she was facing down, Valerie completely missed the flash of panic in Xisuma’s eyes as he watched her practically wilt right before him. Xisuma raised his arms, hands hovering in her direction, before awkwardly dropping them onto her shoulders. She flinched, making him recoil in response.

At least she’s making eye contact now. Xisuma tapped the tips of his fingers together before pointing to his desk. “I should,” he cleared his throat. “I should probably get back to work.”

“Oh…” Valerie looked behind her. “Right, yeah, sorry. I’ll just…”

She awkwardly shuffled around him, offering him one more wonky smile, and left. Xisuma sighed. Once more, he eyed the open desk drawers and noticed that, outside of the scrap paper she had been laying on previously, none of his paperwork was touched.

Valerie walked out of the office with a growing pit in her stomach. She made eye contact with Zedaph, who tilted his head in a question. Valerie shook her head in response as she approached, her despondency making his expression drop into an apologetic one.

As Valerie went to go wash her hands, she thought back to the conversation in the office. Xisuma probably thought she used to be a thief now…

She shut her eyes and curled herself over the sink, taking a deep breath. She wanted to cry.

Xisuma: Cleo

CleoZo: On it.

CleoZo: Zed

Zedaph: I'm sorry for helping Val break into his office.

CleoZo: good

CleoZo: also nice

CleoZo: *thumbs up*

Valerie raised her arms in a stretch after the latest customer left the shop. She squeaked as something poked her in the back, winding her arm to slap it away before glaring at the perpetrator. Zedaph grinned, hand still holding the fork he had used as his weapon.

“Come on newbie,” he teased, walking over to the sink to quickly wash the utensil. “We’ve still got half an hour to go.”

Valerie pouted, ignoring the sympathetic glint in his eyes as she made her way back to the register.

There were now three days until the gift exchange and Valerie was forced to accept that she needed to ask for help. When she returned home from work the other day, her friend Annette had scolded her for breaking into her boss’ office before berating their other friend Margaret for even suggesting the idea in the first place. But Valerie didn’t need Annette to scold her for it, because Valerie had spent the entire way home mortified once she realized how stupid it was for her to break into her boss’ office. Valerie was just grateful that Xisuma chose to turn a blind eye to what was clearly a criminal act. Before leaving the house this morning, Annette had made her promise to ask one of the other Hermits for suggestions.

Suddenly, a loud guitar riff blasted through the air followed by a crash, causing both Valerie and Zedaph to jump in surprise. The two stared, wide eyed, as Xisuma came stumbling out of his office, face burning red as he aggressively pressed down on the sound button of his phone.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Xisuma exclaimed, scrambling to pocket his phone. He smiled sheepishly at the two. “I, uh, I didn’t realize how loud my volume was.”

Somehow, Valerie’s startled stare made Xisuma flush even darker as he tried to casually lean against the counter. However, he didn’t notice the small coffee spill that she hadn’t gotten around to cleaning up yet, so his elbow slipped off and he banged his arm against the surface. Valerie’s hands flew up to her face with a gasp as Zedaph choked out a laugh, both of them watching as he awkwardly straightened out with a groan.

Xisuma coughed into his fist and pointed at the two. “That never happened,” he stated, narrowing his eyes at Zedaph, who quietly tucked his phone back into his pocket and raised his hands up in surrender.

Valerie, on the other hand, slowly lowered her hands from her face, nodding to her boss as one of her hands moved to grip the crook of her elbow. “So…” she said, only slightly recoiling when both men turned their attention towards her. She pointed to where Xisuma’s phone had been put away. “What was that?”

“Oh, that?” Xisuma grinned. “That was, uh, that was my guitar playing.”

Valerie tilted her head in question. “You play guitar?”

Xisuma tapped a finger against the counter absentmindedly. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “Yeah I, uh, I tend to play more into the metal genre.”

Valerie’s eyes widened at the information. She had to fight off the grin threatening to spread across her face.

She doesn’t notice Zedaph narrowing his eyes in Xisuma’s direction, nor does she see him slip his phone out of his pocket.

Zedaph: seriously X?

Zedaph: you're not slick

Zedaph slipped his phone back into his pocket and watched the two chat over the counter. With each bit of information that Xisuma “happened” to “let slip,” the more excited Valerie appeared to grow, her hair bobbing with each question tossed her way—as an attempt to appear natural, Zedaph assumed. He thought it was a little cheeky of Xisuma to give her hints.

But, Zedaph thought as he watched Valerie attempt to ask some more prodding questions, I don’t think she minds.

He decided to lean back against the counter and watch the two converse before Xisuma eventually realized that it was nearing three pm, opting to leave the two be so that they could finish up their shift.

Valerie however—Valerie felt like she had struck gold! As Xisuma left to go lock up the storage area, Valerie turned her body away from the two men and tried to suppress a squeal. “What are the chances!” Valerie whispered to herself, swiftly typing down everything she had just learned into her phone. “He didn’t even seem to realize he was sharing all that!”

Zedaph, overhearing her whispers, stared at her in disbelief. He opened his mouth but paused at the somewhat relieved aura she seemed to be exuding. It was practically a stark contrast from the permanent frown she had since the start of their shift, only smiling when interacting with customers that presented themselves. Zedaph sighed but couldn’t hold back a little grin at the joy radiating from Valerie’s expression, ruffling her hair as he went back to work.

A laugh slips out of her as she goes to retaliate when mumbling caught her attention. She glanced around Zedaph and saw Xisuma flipping through his keyrings, his expression growing more and more cloudy as he failed to find the correct one.

“You alright there X?” Zedaph called out.

“Hm?” Xisuma lifted his head. He blinked at the sight of his two employees just staring at him and awkwardly smiled at them. “Yeah, I’m alright,” he replied, looking back down at his keys. “Don’t mind me, you two can start cleaning up if you want.”

Zedaph shrugged and walked back over to the register as a last-minute customer made their way over. But Valerie couldn’t tear her gaze from the keyring, only doing so when Xisuma finally found the correct key and pocketed the rest. When she caught Xisuma looking at her with a raised eyebrow, Valerie responded with cheeky little salute. She grinned at his chuckle before leaving to grab some cleaning supplies, the cogs in her mind whirling away.

Xisuma: No comment.

Zedaph: :(

Valerie: I FINALLY HAVE AN IDEA FOR A GIFT!

EthoS: oh snappers

EthoS: wait

EthoS: NOW??

EthoS: *sends screenshot*

EthoS: they grow up so fast

CleoZo: Etho

CleoZo: I refuse to add another person to the family dynamic Scar and Bdubs keep pushing

CleoZo: also

CleoZo: is THAT why she broke into X's office???

EthoS: what

Valerie: do you think I should give it now?

EthoS: give what now?

Valerie: THE GIFT ETHO

Valerie: X'S GIFT

EthoS: how was I supposed to know that???

EthoS: I'm not even there???

Valerie: IDK

Valerie: ETHO I'M STRESSED

Valerie: WHAT IF HE HATES IT??

EthoS: he won't

Valerie: he might :(

EthoS: Valerie

Valerie: yeah?

EthoS: go give him the gift

Valerie: I'll go give him the gift

Valerie shut off her phone and slipped it into her purse with a sigh. She looked up and glanced around the room, eventually spotting Xisuma chatting with False and Keralis. Valerie bit her lip. She could do this. It wasn’t the end of the world. She just had to give the gift to her boss. No biggie.

Taking a deep breath, Valerie grabbed the little box she had stashed away within her purse and made her way over to the group. She ignores the glance False shoots in her direction as she takes a moment to collect herself before tapping Xisuma on the shoulder. She did, however, notice the thumbs up Zedaph was sending her way from his spot beside Impulse.

Xisuma tilts his head back, looking up at Valerie as she offers him a wobbly smile.

“Hi,” he greeted.

“Hi…” Valerie fidgets with the gift hidden behind her back. “Could I um… Could I borrow you for a moment?”

“Of course.” He got up from his seat and the two made their way towards a booth a couple ways off from the main group of Hermits.

They slid into opposite sides of the table with Xisuma waiting patiently while Valerie tried to calm her frantic mind. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Here,” Valerie rushed out, practically throwing the box at Xisuma. She wanted to shrivel up and die when it almost smacked him in the face, but he managed to catch it before it could.

Xisuma chuckled, holding the box out so he could look at it. Suddenly, his eyes widened, snapping his gaze towards her. “Wait, is this—”

“Surprise?” Valerie hesitantly said. “I’m uh,” she coughed and rested her hands over the table, twisting her fingers around. “I’m you’re Secret Santa.”

Xisuma’s attention switched back and forth between her and the box, before eventually pointing to it. “Am I allowed to open it?”

At her nod, he carefully undid the ribbon that was looped around the petite box and removed its cover. Inside, he found a large metal ring composed of two somewhat thick wires curled around each other like a vine, with many rubber covers ranging from a multitude of colours dangling from it.

“It’s a keyring,” Valerie said, gripping tightly at her fingers. “I, uh, I made it myself.”

“Wait you made it?”

“Mhm,” Valerie shrugged. “I also made the rubber bits by cutting up various rubbery objects I could find. It’s uh, it’s really quite simple actually.” She winced and shot a look at Mumbo, who was flipping through what looked like a small book.

Xisuma hummed, rubbing one of the rubber covers dangling from the ring. “What’re these?” he asked.

Valerie perked up. “Oh! They’re for your keys,” she explained, leaning forward to point at a random one. “See, you can place the different coloured covers over the large bit of your keys. That way, you can assign a specific colour to each key and they’ll be easier to find!” She tapped on the white strip on the cover’s surface. “But if colour-coding isn’t your thing, you could always label them by writing on this bit here.”

He hummed and started flipping through each of the covers individually.

The longer he spent looking over the keyring, the more Valerie began to second guess herself.

This… this was totally lame, wasn’t it.

She couldn’t help but suddenly notice all the imperfections around the labels on the key covers. Valerie suddenly regretted making a homemade keyring. Who cared if she practically spent the last two days asking her friend to teach her how to work with metal for the ring? Who cared if she spent hours overnight practicing her metalwork? Who gives a keyring as a Secret Santa gi--

Valerie’s mind goes blank as she felt something warm cover her hands. Her breath hitched when she realized that Xisuma had placed a hand over her fidgeting fingers, gently guiding them apart and easing the pain she hadn’t realized she was causing to herself. Once he was sure that she was okay, he tapped on her hands, directing her attention back up to his face.

“Thank you,” he said, voice soft in the midst of the noisy restaurant. If it wasn’t for the fact that he had leaned over the table to get her attention, Valerie probably wouldn’t have heard him.

Xisuma pulled his hand back, lifting his gift up and jangling them a bit as a small smile began to make its way onto his face. “You have no idea how much I needed something like this.”

Valerie blinked, her mouth flapping as she tried to come up with a response. She could feel herself begin to flush. Valerie hid her hands under the table, offering him a small, but bright smile.

“You really mean that?” she couldn’t help but ask. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better? I know it’s not the greatest gift.”

A startled laugh escaped him. “Are you joking? I LOVE it!” Xisuma exclaimed. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I needed something like this! Do you have any idea how long it takes me to find my house keys in that mess?”

Valerie had to bite back a giggly smile. “Wait, why are your house keys mixed in with your work-related keys?” she asked. “No wonder your keyring looks so full!”

“It also holds my car keys.”

Valerie burst out laughing, completely missing the fond look Xisuma gave her before getting it under control.

Meanwhile, neither of them noticed Cleo aiming her phone at them, snapping a quick picture.

CleoZo: *sends screenshot*

CleoZo: you're right, they DO grow up fast

EthoS: what happened to not adding to the family dynamic?

CleoZo: Etho

CleoZo: I don't care if it's almost Christmas

CleoZo: I WILL punch you

Valerie: I rescind my request

EthoS: ooooo big words

EthoS: it went well then?

Valerie: I mean

Valerie: I'm not fired :D

EthoS: oh snap

EthoS: so no telling Bdubs about the stepstool?

Valerie: please