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I didn’t save you because it was the logical thing to do. I didn’t want to see a good person, no matter how dangerous, die. I did have to think about it. In the end, it was a selfish decision. But that’s okay. I’m not a hero. I’m a Jujutsu sorcerer. That’s why I've never regretted saving you. Not even for a moment.
That is what he had said to Itadori, the last thing. To let him leave with a sense of comfort.
“Live a long life, okay?”
That was the last thing Itadori had said to him. He wasn’t sure what it had left him with a sense of.
Gojo hadn’t hid the truth about the dangers of being a Jujtsu sorcerer from Megumi. He made it very clear, in fact, the day Gojo thought Megumi was old enough to understand, he told the child about the deaths he had seen. One of Gojo’s underclassmen died, when he was still at jujutsu high.
To be a jujutsu sorcerer is to die.
Megumi never thought of death much until Tsumiki was cursed. She wasn’t dead, but sometimes it felt like she was. Megumi had seen death as a jujutsu sorcerer before. People he couldn’t have saved, Gojo assured him that was normal, you can’t save people who aren’t ready to be saved.
Gojo had saved people before.
Megumi had saved Itadori, and now Itadori is gone.
Itadori however, wasn’t all Megumi had lost that day. He lost two of his shikigami, Great Serpent was killed by Sukuna, and Divine Dog White who was killed by the unknown special grade they had found at the juvenile detention center.
Megumi wasn’t always the best at getting close to people. He couldn’t understand them, eventually he stopped trying. He didn’t care about having friends or not. But, he loved his shikigami, to him they weren’t mere tolls, they were his companions.
Sometime after Gojo barged into Megumi’s life, he taught him about the Ten Shadows Technique. Megumi thought it was crazy talk at first, until he summoned the divine dogs.
They were so small back then. And he loved them.
And as he grew, they grew. They were with him from the start, he needed them to tame each of the shikigami at his disposal.
The night Megumi came home after losing them, he sat in his room, summoned his surviving Divine Dog, buried his face deep into its fur and cried. He rarely cried. At some point in his early life he realized there was no point to it. But when Megumi did cry it was always alone. It didn’t feel right to be that vulnerable around people.
It had been a few days since the juvenile detention center, Megumi spent most of those days alone. He didn’t have the energy to interact with people. He thought he should, he wasn’t the only one that lost Itadori, Kugisaki did as well.
But Megumi just wanted to be alone.
He had never really had friends before, Itadori was the closest thing he’d had to a friend. His first friend, and then he died.
Much like many of the days since then, Megumi was in his room, lights off blinds closed, laying on his bed, and staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t really thinking of anything, he let himself exist empty.
Till there was a knock at his door. He didn’t react. Then another knock, followed by a familiar voice.
“Megumi, you awake?”
It was Gojo, though less annoying as he usually was. Megumi didn’t bother responding. He just kept laying there. But, part of him did want to open the door, part of him wanted to let him in, part of him just wanted to be comforted by someone.
He wasn’t surprised when the door opened. Gojo wasn’t normally the type to just enter Megumi’s space, he learned to not do so when Megumi was still young.
The open door left light into the room, Megumi squinted, he wasn’t sure the last time he saw the sun. But as quickly as it entered, it left as Gojo closed the door behind him.
“You okay kid?” It was a stupid question for Gojo to ask, but when he did Megumi felt a lump in his throat.
Megumi thought he had finished crying.
Megumi heard Gojo take off his shoes and walk across the room to his bed.
“Nobara told me she hasn’t seen you since Yuji died. I asked the second years they also said they haven’t seen you.”
Megumi didn’t say anything.
“You know you can talk to me if something is wrong right?”
Why was Gojo being so nice? Gojo is supposed to be annoying, he is supposed to be a pain. But right now, that wasn’t there.
“Have you been eating?”
Megumi didn’t want to cry anymore.
“Megumi?”
He felt the first tears fall down his cheek and immediately turned to face away from Gojo.
Megumi felt Gojo sit on the bed, Gojo didn’t say anything.
The room was quiet, so there was nothing to drown out the sounds of Megumi’s sobs.
Gojo placed his hand on Megumi's shoulder. Megumi normally hated being touched, but right now he welcomed it. His guardian began to rub Megumi's shoulder. Gojo was trying to comfort him.
“It’s okay,” Gojo said softly, “I’m here.”
Megumi didn’t respond right away, he couldn’t find his voice among his sobs.
It took a while til Megumi finally choked out some words between sobs, “Why does it still hurt?”
“That's just what happens when you lose someone you love.”
Megumi knew Gojo had lost people before, he knew that was his way of trying to comfort him.
Silence fell between the two as Megumi continued to cry, Gojo didn’t leave Megumi’s side until he was done.
“Feeling better?” Gojo asked, as Megumi pushed himself into a sitting position.
“I don’t know,” Megumi’s voice was hoarse from crying.
“That’s fine, it’ll take time.”
Megumi turned on his bed and moved towards Gojo, and, unsure as to why, hugged the older sorcerer, pressing himself into Gojo’s back. Hugging Gojo was different, to be allowed to touch him was something he decided, he had always let Megumi touch him. And Gojo was warm, Megumi forgot that, he forgot what it was like to hug and be hugged.
They sat there for a while, for a bit Megumi felt like he could cry again. Luckily he didn’t.
Slowly, the emotional tension in the room started to fade.
“My head hurts,” Megumi mumbled, still pressed against Gojo’s back.
“Let’s go see Shoko then.”
Megumi couldn’t see it, but he was sure Gojo smiled as he said that.
Megumi hadn’t known Itadori that long, but in that short time he grew fond of him. Itadori was kind, he never meant to be a jujutsu sorcerer, but it was his kindness that led him there.
Itadori had told him to live a long life.
And, even after everything, Megumi still has not regretted saving Itadori Yuji.