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"F–forgive me!"
I say when I unintentionally kick the basin below, making the water inside splashes on to my master's feet, only because I want to get closer.
My apologize just slides in and out through master's ears, he doesn't bother to give a single reaction. I don't want to be preturbed with my own thought anymore, I continue to wipe my master's arm with wet towel more carefully. Master is sitting on the edge of the bed and I kneel before him.
But how can I feel at ease in a situation like this?
Tomorrow, my master is going to be executed.
Master is not a mere owner of me, his prime role is the emperor of this proud land. Though, he has been absent from the palace for months and was held captive because of his judical process. When his indictment was finalized today, he was allowed to return to his throne.
Despite his convictions for numerous allegations and infamous for being a tyrant, after one year of serving him, I still find it hard to perceive him that way. He treats me well in here and all I need to do is be the first person he sees when he opens his eyes, and the last person he sees when he closes them.
However, I rarely engage in conversation with him, as there is a language barrier that stands between us, I can only grasp the gist of what he's saying.
Am I the only one exaggerating?
If I were to say my master remains composed an serene, that just as he has always been in my presence. That's it... he is behaving as usual, albeit this could be my final service to him, could be the last time I feel the warmth of his body. What would it take for him to have a breakdown?
While my eyes are fixiated on his naked torso, my thoughts continue to wander and branch out. Can he tell what I'm thinking? Is it showing on my face? I hope that if I were to bear distress, it wouldn't weigh on him even more in such a dire condition like this.
I like it here, I have a roof above my head, warm bed, and a decent meal, I don't want to leave this place. But the condition is going to shift. What's going to happen to me? I have been complacent and relied on my master all these time. Now he's going to die, I am too, maybe in the brink of losing my life.
I notice some bruises, marks I can't identify, and strange scarring on his pale, rugged skin. He was nothing like this before, I’m familiar with every detail of his body. Did anything happen during his confinement? Did he contract any diseases? Is he doing well? I wipe that part even more gently, afraid of hurting him. But these are just physical changes on the outside, how about his inside?
How can I ask to him? Can I do it now?
Alas, for every trace my hands left on his body, I failed to break the silence. And our moment ends stale without leaving any impression. He is putting on clothes, marking an end of my service to him and an entrance for my departure.
After this, master is going to have a dinner. He doesn't have any family member, relatives, or spouse, everything he does here is on his own. And now, all servants and the other people who were occupying this palace have left. The cook that made his food bid his farewell after his last job was done. I need to serve the dinner on to the table, placing it in front of my master before I draw myself out to let him have a peaceful last supper.
It has been so long since the last time I saw master’s counsellor, his commander, or any other of his minions. What happen to them? Some resident of this palace already left earlier because they were worried about the wage. I was asked to leave too, but it was only a line of joke. Everybody can just leave because they're free, whlist I'm a slave gifted and shackled to a master. Even if I go, I don't know where to.
However, I appreciate their company, the time when master was not here, they are the only people I have. I gained so much from them for information and learning the language, it made me happy actually. I heard from them that master didn't come from a royal background, instead he was a notorious figure from the revolutionary tribunal that thwart the previous regime. The faded marking on the back of his hand was a prison tattoo of a particular brotherhood.
He finished his meal just as he usually does, he doesn't have an appetite for a man that is going to be hanged. Should I take things more normally? Is my master acting fine because he doesn't want to own it? Perhaps he was scared as well, perhaps he already poured out his soul before, leaving him dry now.
I clean up after he leaves, typically he would retire to his study or to his bedroom, I don't notice anything unusual in his leftover either. He didn't have a special request for this dinner, or anything in particular. Am I in a dream? Have I been fooled all this time? Am I having a delusion I didn't know about? I feel like I'm still not accepting it even though I know it's real.
I'm not going to disturb master’s peace if I take his time at a nighttime like this, right? Should I chase him right now or should I wait? If I keep delaying like this, he might already be asleep and I will have no opportunity tommorow. I still fear him as my master, I'm afraid if he doesn't like to hear me whine about myself. But he is a dead man walking, he doesn't have time for himself, I might as well do everything I want with him tonight.
It only requires a knock, a little task already included in my routine. Standing in front of his double doors which shield his resting place, not knowing what's inside, fills me with suspense. I abandon my hesitation and start knocking, only twice. I should retain my composure as I'm going to counter him, I take a deep breath. My eyes can only be pleased by the carved pattern on this wooden door, while on queque.
"Come in."
This is it.
The effort for pushing the door can't compare to the weight I'm bearing right now. But somehow it feels lighter when I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, already dressed in sleeping gown. I would feel guilty if he was already asleep and I woke him up, he could have just ignored me. As I walk closer, I focus on making my steps natural, trying not to appear as if in the midst of a crisis.
"Master need anything?" After all I should give him my best treatment and be very considerate towards him tonight.
"I don't."
His gaze pierces straight as an arrow into mine, his typical impassive face should reassure me as it has before. Yet now it's striking a fear, even though he doesn't look weary or irritated at all.
"What should I do?"
The sentence finally slips in one breath, whlist I'm saying it short, almost too vague. I know my master is astute enough to see through me, I don't have a sufficient vocabulary to begin with.
"Could you come closer? I don't quite follow."
While goes below my expectation, my master isn't wrong. Evidently it means he is interested to hear me. Reluctantly I step closer to him, can't be too close either way.
This just makes me even more nervous... After I stopped, I let out a heavy sigh and paying no mind to the intimidating aura. I stare back at him, "... What should I do after you're gone?"
His expression shifts slightly, but he is not answering immediately. Does he find this question absurd?
"Legally, you will be returned to the state. And there is a chance that the state will take you to the slave trade."
I don't want to.
I don't want it!!
His answer gouges my eyes out and draws every emotion inside me to unleash, both of my hands forming a fist.
I can’t go through all that!
But why do I need to be upset? Isn't this something I should be aware of? Wasn't the path of a slave bound to end like this?
"Or, do you want to replace me, dear little heir?"
I lift my head to him because of that, master looking smug right now. I scowl at him and displaying the rave within me. He knows it... of course he would.
"But nah, they will kill you too eventually." , "Such a vain system like this would wear and wither in due time, only to be born once again, on repeat."
My master begins to babble to himself, while I'm starting to lose the translation of it.
"Then why don't leave, go somewhere like I do?" The exile was not something I'm proud of, but it was better than dying.
The grin on his face widens, "I'm not going to die."
"You are going to die next morning!!" I yell infront of his face.
He has lost it, he really is. I thought talking to him would give me a breakthrough, rather, all he did was spouting nonsense.
"Have you ever heard the term 'mystic'? What is it called in your homeland?"
He begins to tell another tale, talking about something I never knew. His smile disappears.
"I have a personal mystic, who is also a close friend of mine. He has bestowed me, this power of immortality."
"That is–...!! I don't believe it!" I even have to stutter in the way, I don't know how to say it.
He has succumbed in to madness, helpless to see him this way. He thinks he is omnipotent now?! He should get a lifetime sentence in an asylum.
He grabs one of my arms, pulling it towards him with force, I nearly stumble.
"Do you have any idea of how long I have been ruling this land?" , "Has it ever crossed your mind how an emperor can look so young?"
We are very close now his nonsensical penetrates my eardrums. I refuse to cooperate with his false idea but he keeps pushing me. Although his question... Is something that I'm unaware of the answer... and the answer that I fear to know.
Now that his face is right infront of me... I can see what he was implying, he is a handsomely young man... It never piqued my curiosity beforehand, without realizing it, I have to take a hard swallow.
His other hand rises and its thumb crawls on to my chin, it reaches my lower lip too. "Are you, perhaps interested in knowing how I am immortal?"
It terrifies me, his insanity choking off the voice in my windpipe. Now that he pulls me closer, our faces almost meet.
Why is this position?! Is he going to kiss me?! If I push him away would it anger him?! But I remain frozen.
The door is broken open, someone is entering.
"Another scandal right there, fuhrer!”
I am shaken and stunned, yearning to break free but master's grasp is unbreakable.
I can only gaze at the intruder, a tall, dark skinned man with blond hair ... Holding a gun in his hand and has the appearence of a thug.
"Who sent you here?" I know master doesn't like this.
"Would it change your fate if you know?"
I hear the gunshot, I am pushed down on to the bed with master above. I can barely see if the bullet pierced the side of his head.
Master then pulls me away, forcefully until I fall on to the floor. "Leave, Yoichi!!"
What is happening?!!
"You're no longer in a position to give orders, Michael." , "What if I want him dead too?"
I lack the strength to stand, remain unmoved in my position. I can't even glance at this figure that has to reap my soul.
“Talking to your master is a waste of time, isn’t it?” , "He doesn't have the slightest idea of you!"
What did he say??!!
"Do me a favor, shoot him on the middle of his forehead and under chin, thats how he die." , "You don't need to worry about shelter and what to do with your life, you can become… one of us”
What in the world.
He wants me to kill master?!!
He wants me to join him?!
"I’ll... I'll do it..."
"Great, not even thinking it twice!"
This maniac sounds happy and slides one gun to me across the floor. I was in froze a moment ago, but now I am able to pick it up. I immediately lock eyes with master standing on the side of the bed.
I get up before everyone can believe I’m actually doing it.
"We didn't even finish." Says master.
When I’m in front of him, master tries to seize the gun from me but I grab his arm and push him on to bed, placing myself atop him in the process.
It feels surreal to be above him and indulging in this scene. I put the noose right on his forehead, I am going to tear his grandiose thesis of self.
He holds my hand that about to shoot him, he looks mad now. "You–"
I pull the trigger, cutting his words. I am affected by the recoil, nevertheless master’s hold helps me to supress it.
But… It was real... Is this gun not real or is master not real?!!
My lips can’t contain the smile too long, it’s appearing. "You... You're amazing, master!"
Master’s expression shifts to surprise, a hole in his forehead doesn’t affect him! So he is not crazy at all!!
I then withdraw the gun, wanting to position it under his chin. My master still resists, I have to muster all my strength, now we're facing each other sideways.
I need to end this quick.
I don’t let his parted lips slip a word, I stop it with his death.
I push his hand off of me and get up, he is no longer moving.
Did I do it?
Did I really kill him??!
It takes me a moment before I can regain my composure, I realize somebody is still here and waiting.
I walk towards this gunman, he looks satisfied by his face. Then I stop in front of him, a little too close.
I shoot him in the abdomen, firing it twice to make sure it gets him. I catch a glimpse of his expression, mad like master was. I push him to the ground until a loud thud echoes the room. His hand that still holding the gun, moving.
I aim my gun towards his face below, but it runs out of ammo, fuck. Not everyone in here needs three bullets through the skull to die, right? It makes me anxious now I need to make sure everyone is dead. But this fellow fails to continue moving, supposedly his breath too. His shirt becoming soaked in his own blood becomes more apparent.
I then nudge him on the head, just to bait a reaction –if he is still alive. But I receive no response, I am relieved. My impulse was to leave this place as soon as possible but I should not make haste.
.
.
.
Fin.