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It’s 11:30pm, I’m heading to my 4th hour class. It’s chemistry with Mr. White. It’s definitely my least favorite class of the day, Mr. White is a total douche, and additionally my best friend badger isn’t in his class this trimester, so that makes it 100 times worse. I slam my books onto my desk and grab a chair. I’m sitting next to this random blonde girl, her boyfriend is on the other side of her and they’re having a conversation the entire class can hear. The class begins to silence but they continue to chat, eventually everyone is silent in the classroom besides them but they’re so caught up in the moment that they don’t notice. Mr. White is glaring at them, doing that thing where he waits till he grabs the students attention by staring but it doesn’t work this time. He slams his fists on the desk and stares at the blonde girl.
“Something you need to share with the class?” He says frustrated.
The girl just gives him a dirty look and rolls her eyes and her boyfriend begins to laugh. Mr. White is made even more upset by this and starts to approach them. We don’t have individual desks in this class, we kind of all just share one table and I’m sitting right next to her so I know that he’s going to come at me even though I’m not exactly doing anything at the moment. I’ve noticed that Mr. White has always kind of had this weird kind of hatred but like obsession with me.. it makes me uncomfortable but it’s not like I can report him to the staff, they see him as the most perfect teacher on the planet because he’s overqualified for his job. I know that I get bad grades, because I don’t give a fuck about Mr. White or his class,but I still don’t think that’s an excuse for him to be a dick to me all of the time. Plus I’m more focused on getting out of the class than the actual stuff we’re doing in it.
He places his palms on the table, directly in front of where the girl is sitting and does that weird disgruntled expression where his lips get all thin and he grits his teeth at whoever he’s frustrated at. He looks like he’s about to speak but hesitates as the girl gives him the stink eye.
“I don’t appreciate you taking over my class, chemistry is necessary for your future, for you to graduate high school, do you even understand?” Mr. White says quickly like he was gathering the courage to say it in his head and it kind of all came out as a jumbled mess.
The girl continues to stare at him.
“Since you cannot behave in this seat you need to move up front.” He says, still with that ugly expression on his face.
I’m curious as to why he has not said her name the entire time he’s been reprimanding her, shit, he probably doesn’t even know what it is.
The girl slides her chair aggressively to the front of the classroom, making it squeak and struggle to move against the ground.
At this point, Mr. White doesn’t even bother to scold her, he just goes to his desk, or platform or whatever the hell he has at the front of his classroom and opens our chemistry book.
The girls boyfriend slides closer to me since there’s one less chair in our row now. I sit in silence, he’s one of those jock kids and they always tend to pick on me for something. Usually I sleep in this class but I don’t want him to stick something in my hair or some other bullshit so I open my book and pretend to be following along with Mr. White.
He’s saying something about taking notes so I take out my notebook, I’m not taking notes but I’m bored and need something to distract me from Mr. Whites constant bluster. I began to doodle on the sheet of notebook paper. I was zoning out and then I heard my name escape Mr. Whites mouth.
My heart stopped, I wasn’t raising my hand why does he always have to call on me when he, and everyone else in this class knows I don’t know what the answer is.
“Jesse, is nitrous acid a strong or weak acid?” He repeats.
My heart begins to beat fast, I’m going to get it wrong but honestly who gives a shit.
“A strong acid?” I say, my voice trailing off as I reach the last word.
His expression changes and I can tell that I got it wrong, he makes the same face every-time he gets disappointed.
“No, Jesse I just spent the last 15 minutes explaining that it is a weak acid, have you even been paying attention??” He says, irritable.
I stare at him, he knows damn well that I was not paying attention I don’t know why he feels the need to ask that question. I don’t even care at this point so I just answer honestly.
“No.” I say, trying to make sure my tone isn’t too sarcastic to the point he gets upset even though he probably will anyway.
He rolls his eyes and begins on some rant about how if we don’t pay attention in this class we won’t have the tools necessary to succeed in life and that we won’t graduate high school and bunch of other bullshit that nobody cares about.
I go back to doodling in my notebook until, finally, the bell rings and I get to escape this hell hole until Monday. I still have around 4 hours left of school but only three of those are in actual classes, right now it’s lunch time.
I don’t ever actually eat lunch but my parents pay for it so I go to the lunchroom everyday and give my food to badger, he appreciates it.
“So like.. how was Mr. Whites today?” Badger says, his mouth full of the mashed potatoes from today’s school lunch.
I raise my gaze from the school lunch table to badgers eyes.
“Ass, like always, he spent half of the period ranting about how we’re never going to “succeed in life” if we don’t take his precious chemistry class seriously, just because I answered a question wrong.”
“Seriously dude? He needs to get the stick out of his ass..” he says, his mouth still full of mashed potatoes.
“Yo for real..” I reply.
I tap my foot and return my gaze back to the lunch table that has tons of old food stains, and god knows what else. This school has been the same since like, the 60’s I’ve heard.
I look back up at Badger hoping that will spark some kind of conversation but I realize he’s not going to do it himself so I have to take it into my own hands.
“So.. yo.. you got like.. any plans this weekend? Cause if you don’t we could like.. hang out” I say, unsure and kind of nervous of what Badgers response will be. I know he’s my best friend and I shouldn’t doubt that he would want to hang out but I’m still just so unsure.
He looks up from his plate, this time he’s not chewing so his mouth will finally not be full of food.
“Nah I don’t got any plans, we can totally hangout yo! And guess what dude….” He cuffs his hands around his mouth and speaks in a whispery voice. “I just got some pot yesterday so we can smoke yo!” He says with joy in his voice and a smirk on his face.
Oh my god, weed, that’s exactly what I’ve been needing. That’s why I’ve been so stressed. I don’t really have a dealer at the moment, usually I just talk to random people about it and offer to trade something for it since I don’t exactly have a job to pay for those kinds of things. So I haven’t smoked in a few days and recently I’ve just been getting my weed from badger, he always has my back.
I smile back at him
“Just make sure it’s like cool with your parents or whatever yo, I don’t want your mom to get all pissed at me again.” He adds, and takes a sip from the school lunch milk.
Fuck, I forgot about my parents, I’m failing almost all of my classes how the hell am I going to convince them to let me hang out with Badger?? I might just have to sneak out.
(TIME SKIP)
4:38pm Friday April 4th, 2001.
I’ve been sitting in my bed ever since I got home from school, I didn’t want to risk having any conversation with Mom. I am so tired of her, and dad, and Mr. White. In all honesty I don’t even mind most of my teachers but something about Mr. White just sets me off, I cannot stand him. No one really likes him but I don’t know I just especially don’t like him.
I gather up the courage to get up from my bed and walk out of my room and my moms sitting at the dining room table, drinking tea or coffee or some shit I don’t know I can’t really tell and to be honest I don’t care.
I approach her, practicing in my head exactly how I’m going to ask her to hang out with Badger.
“Mom?” I say.
She looks up from her cup of.. whatever, and studies me like I’m a god damn book.
“Stand up straight.” She says, with a sharpness in her voice.
I try to resist from rolling my eyes at her and stand up straighter so she doesn’t get upset with me.
“Mom.. can I hang out with Badger this weekend?” I say nervously but trying not to show it so she asks why I’m anxious or some other weird unnecessary question.
She laughs, not a like “that was funny” laugh like a “you really think that’s happening?” kind of laugh so I can already tell what’s coming.
“Jesse you seriously think you’re going to hang out with your weird little druggie friend when you’re failing all of your classes?” She says with a smug look on her face.
“Well, I was just thinking like.. hanging out with friends might give me some motivation to do some stuff.. he can like help me with my work and stuff.” I say trying not to sound suspicious but probably failing.
“No, Jesse, you need to get your life together before you’re hanging out with anybody, it’s your junior year you need to start taking things seriously.” She replies, her expression changing from smug to a little concerned, like she’s about to guilt trip me. She continues.
“We didn’t raise you to be this way Jesse, we have done nothing but be good to you and you continually disappoint us, you don’t even put forth the effort to good do in your classes.” She says, I can tell she’s disappointed.
She just keeps going.
“Hopefully Jake won’t disappoint us the same way you have.” she says sternly.
“Okay..” I say and return to my room.
I can’t even ask her for a simple hangout with a friend without her going on some rant about how much of a disappointment I am.
I lay in my bed a moment, look at the past school pictures on my wall. Then I grab my phone out of my pocket and call Badger.
“Yo, you think I could like.. stay at your place for the night..?” I say.
“Uhh.. I mean sure I guess, you get the okay from mom for that?” He says sounding a little worried.
“Yeah totally..!” I say trying not to make it obvious that I’m lying.
“Well okay then, doors open, you need a ride or anything..?” He asks, he still sounds worried, he can probably tell I’m not telling him the truth.
“Uh.. nah I’m okay, appreciate it though, I’ll call you when I’m there.” I reply.
“Alright see you then bro, bye.”
“Bye.”
The phone hangs up and I put it back in my pocket, I hear moms voice echo throughout the house, she must be scolding dad about something or is talking about how disappointed she is with me. Or maybe Jake’s throwing toys at her again, she wouldn’t care anyway because, obviously, four year old Jake, is better than I’ll ever be.
A couple of minutes later she calls for dinner, I hate dinner, not necessarily the food but being in a dining room, not allowed to leave, stuck with my family who practically hates my guts. I walk into the dining room and sit at the chair I always sit at, Jake sits next to me. He plays with his food as my mom scolds him to eat it while laughing, the only time she’s ever happy is when she’s with Jake. I stare at my plate, my food is untouched. I pick up my fork and run it across the food on my plate to at least make an effort to look like I’m eating, my brain is too scattered to have an appetite right now.
My parents both share glances with each other as they watch my “eating.” I try not to say anything. I know I can’t leave the table until I eat the food so I figured I should just do it anyway even though I’ll probably get sick after. I pick up the fork and take some bites of the steak mom made.
My dad looks at me. He doesn’t really know anything about me, I mean neither does my mom, but I feel like my dad really doesn’t even care what I do, he just wants me out of his house by the time I’m 18, or not, I don’t know I’ve never held a conversation long enough with him to know. We hardly ever talk to each other and in all honesty I kind of prefer it that way. I wish I could be that way with my mom but she’s too invested in my “future” for that.
I finish my food and wash my plate then return back to my room. I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling and think about later, about how I’m going to sneak out, how my mom is going to have no idea where I am. She’ll probably figure out I’m at Badgers. But at the same time why the fuck does she give a shit in the first place she doesn’t even like me she just thinks I’m a horrible rude cruel disappointment that hates his parents. Well, maybe I am, maybe she’s right. At least badger doesn’t think of me that way, he’s the one reprieve I have from all of the bullshit in my life. Sometimes I wish he was a girl though, maybe my mom would approve more of him then.
She’s never cared for Badger, she’s always thought of him as a bad influence even though in all reality, I’m probably better off with him than without him. He’s helped me a lot, he’s a dipshit a lot and has a lot of questionable opinions but he always makes sure I’m okay and stuff like that. I don’t really have anyone in my life like that besides him.
A few hours pass, it’s around 10:30, my parents and Jake are asleep so I figure this is the perfect time to escape. I open up my window, and struggle with removing the screen but I eventually get it. I take me, and my bag with clothes out of the window and start running for it. Thank god we don’t have cameras. I know Badgers address from memory since we’ve been friends since we were kids and he’s never moved, he doesn’t live too far from me so I should be able to get to his house quickly. I keep running straight ahead, this only lasts for about a minute before I’m out of breath and feel like I’m going to die. I decide to walk the rest of the way there.
When I finally arrive at his house I stand on the sidewalk in front of it and call badger.
“Yo, I’m here.” I say.
“Sick yo! You want me to get the door for you?” He asks.
“Yeah.. I still feel awkward just walking into your house.” I reply.
“It’s alright, I got you bro.” He hangs up the phone.
The door creeps open and I see a figure in the darkness, I immediately recognize its Badger and walk towards to the door and go inside. We walk to his room and I set my bag down on his floor and sit next to him on his bed. He looks at me with a worried expression on his face.
“Are you good yo? You seem all tense and shit.” He says.
“Uhh..” Shit how do I respond to that, do I tell him the truth? No I can’t, I already lied to him that’ll only upset him. “Yeah I’m good bro I think I just need a hit.” I say, uneasy.
“Whatever you say bro, don’t worry I got you though. He says, the smile on his face growing by the second.
He goes to his window and opens it up, I know the deal, we have to blow out of the window so the house doesn’t smell like weed or whatever. He goes back over to the other side of his room and grabs his Fanny pack, then pulls out a baggie of weed. The scent is strong, it’s oddly comforting. He grabs his grinder, and his rolling paper. He grinds the weed and then rolls up the joint for us to smoke. He reaches into his pocket and grabs his lighter, walks towards the window, then lights the joint. He hits it and blows it out the window and passes it to me.
“Thanks yo.” I say taking the joint from him.
After smoking we lay in his bed and watch tv, I can feel it starting to hit me and my entire body relaxes, it’s like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and now I can be myself. I tug on the blanket we’re sharing because his room is fucking freezing.
“Don’t be a blanket hog Jesse…” he says tugging the blanket towards his side again.
I let go of the blanket and wrap my arms around my knees.
“Fine I don’t wanna share a blanket with you anyway, that’s gay.” I say sarcastically.
“Whatever man..” he switches his focus back to the tv.
I start to get cold again and lean in closer to him to the point where my head is almost laying on his shoulder, but not quite, I don’t want him to call me gay because I just said that we shouldn’t.. be like that. I begin to feel sleepy, I’m falling in and out of consciousness but during that consciousness period I ask badger for some of the blanket. He hands it back to me and I pull it over myself.
“Thanks…” I say trailing off, falling asleep on his shoulder.