Work Text:
can we just sit in silence
far apart
and never touch
i reside seemingly so close to you yet
what you see and feel is but a mere delusion
a distorted perception of reality which is false
in the silence what i feel is so long awaited peace
with silken ribbons of freedom and safety beautifully weaved within
truly happy, knowing that i am a bird which has been liberated from its cage
created of an unfortunate ailment that has made me tied to you
you and your lovesick, sad, overworked soul
every time the sickeningly inescapable loop i was stuck in returned to me waking up after decades of comatose rest
i was there
left to inescapably succumb to your love –
– obsessive, crowned and tied with barbed wire and thorns
seemingly beautiful, captivating, deep and irresistable
yet in reality painful
slowly yet surely stabbing every part of me
slowly ripping through me and agonisingly eating away at me
yet i knew that every day you suffered
you spent every single day and night trying to fix me
to finally find the right key of crystals to slot into me and make me function properly
or at the very least make me awaken for a couple of swiftly fleeting hours
i didnt want you to willingly exert and torture yourself just to keep me awake
yet i knew that you would not be able to handle hearing me say it
the cause of that was nothing but your obsession towards me;
calling it just love would be inadequate
i decided to keep the truth hidden
the latter being my actual feelings
which would crush you entirely if expressed
i let your obsession consume me
and along with that the truth obscured deeply within me, surpressing my real emotions
i allowed them to amalgamate,
corroding me quietly while i kept speechless
every time i woke up, deep down i hoped that the next time i did would never happen
i didnt really have any hope left
yet i persevered
i now acknowledge how worth it it was, remembering and reminiscing at how it used to be
now we sit in the silence
far from eachother and unable to touch
the silence in which you are suffering
running counter to me, you suffer loudly
you allow others to see your grief, to see your pain
you dont have anything to hide
showing how much i hurt you without any peculiar or obvious reason
somewhere inside me,
buried somewhere deep in my inclusions,
lingers regret
which i am aware of
regret from causing you suffering while knowing you loved me
still, i am content with where i am currently
in silence
with you, distantly
you can still see me in the corner of your eye
but youre unable to reach out
and hold onto me anymore,
being forced to slowly let me go.