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Jean-Yves Moreau had been sold to the Moriyamas at age fifteen and was immediately paired up with Nathaniel Wesninski. At the beginning, he was too angry to realize the situation he was in. He fought back and argued and would not submit to the treatment he received from Riko or the Master.
Nathaniel was his partner and he rarely submitted to them either. He fought back and was beaten for it. It was one of the few things they had in common at the start, aside from both being backliners and speaking French. Their refusal to bend, their determination to never kneel before their captors. Once they started being treated as a pair, not as individuals, it changed. Neither would kneel if the threat was for themself, but then the threats were for both. They held their resolve the best they could, but they would not misstep if the repercussion was not theirs alone. They became true allies, the only people they could truly trust in their lives were each other. Not even Kevin, though he was the closest they ever had outside of each other.
Jean-Yves became Jean, as Riko did not approve. Nathaniel would be Nathan when Riko was at his cruelest, a painful reminder of the man who abused and sold him. When they were alone, Jean became Yves, the last connection he could keep of his time before the Nest. Jean gave Nathaniel the nickname Neil, one only used alone between rushed French assurances. They knew each and every thing about the other, no secrets were possible when your survival was so entwined.
Nathaniel was the first to notice Jean’s attraction to men. He saw the way his eyes lingered on Kevin, how he would so easily give in to the older man’s requests, but he stayed silent. Jean was grateful, because it being said aloud would make it real. But Riko noticed, despite his efforts to try. Riko spoke with the backliners and let them try to break him under the guise of getting to know each other .
At first, Riko had sent him to the room of a teammate. The first four never tried again, but Grayson did. Riko made the mistake of sending him to their room instead of sending Jean to him, and it resulted with a hidden knife buried in Grayson’s back, aimed deliberately to maim but not kill, and a severe beating for Nathaniel. Riko learned his lesson and had Nathaniel restrained, forcing him to helplessly listen to the abuse Jean received. It was only once before Riko grew bored, but allowed the Ravens to taunt him. Whispers of whore lingered in locker rooms, the suggestive touches when Jean was crushed between a player and the wall. They never crossed the line, but Grayson loved to torment him.
Nathaniel was the only male backliner who had never once touched him, and no one touched Nathaniel. Riko placed the blame on Jean, because he was the one who showed interest. It was his fault and Jean grew to feel he deserved it. He is a Moreau, the Moriyamas own him. Riko owns him. It was his fault for his own failings, and his attraction was a failure on his part.
Nathaniel never agreed with that sentiment. He never once treated him differently for it, whispered assurances that he was normal and there was nothing wrong with him. He never treated him with disgust, as the majority of their teammates had once they had caught on. The only others who treated him with kindness were Kevin and Thea, but there was a layer of disconnect the two never crossed.
After, Jean could not bring himself to sleep in his own bed. The memories hit him when he tried. He slept on the floor, despite Nathaniel’s offers to switch. It was only a few nights before Neil coaxed him into sharing his own bed. The beds were small so there was no way to sleep without touching, but neither minded. They were forced to become one, there was no need for privacy or shame between them. Personal space was never of concern either.
They slept easier that way. Jean felt safest with his back to the wall and Nathaniel a tiny, bitchy barrier between him and the world. When he had nightmares, Nathaniel would allow Jean to wrap himself completely around him and bury his face in Nathaniel’s shoulder. Most often, Jean slept curled around Nathaniel’s back with a strong arm around him, holding Nathaniel as close as possible. It was a comfort that they had been too fearful to allow themselves.
They were not friends, they were partners, and there was no stronger bond than that.
***
Jean-Yves Moreau’s freshman year championship game was the most nerve wracking game of his life in more ways than one. He was terrified to fail, to make any mistake would be a surefire way to be destroyed. He nor Nathaniel could afford a single misstep at such an important moment. All eyes were on them, Riko’s Perfect Court endorsement making it all the more important they succeed.
Jean was placed as Jeremy Knox’s mark and Jean was screwed. Jeremy was the most attractive man Jean had ever seen. Kevin had a strong favoritism for the Trojans and Jean was no stranger to his obsession, but seeing pictures of the man did not prepare him for the real thing. His sun kissed skin was golden, there were freckles dusting his cheeks he could see when they were close, his eyes were the most lovely shade of brown, a chocolate brown Jean was sure would shine beautifully in sunlight. His entire being was warm, nothing like the coldness of Jean’s own. Black hair, gray eyes, pale skin that almost never saw the light of day. Jean had never wanted to touch someone so badly but the fear was immediate and intense at the idea.
Riko did not notice, but Nathaniel did. He caught his attention during a time out, just the smallest touch to his elbow, and a soft warning.
“ Don’t let him see ,” Nathaniel whispered in French. Riko was not paying attention to them, speaking to the Master off to the side, but Kevin’s attention was drawn to them.
“ I don’t know what you are talking about,” Jean responded, but they both knew what Nathaniel knew.
“Yves,” Nathaniel said, almost gently. He didn't say anything else, but he did not have to. Kevin caught Jean’s eye and raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two and then towards the Trojans. He watched as Jeremy smiled at Alvarez and Dermott, and Jean knew he had noticed it too. Nathaniel cut a hard look at Kevin. “ If you say a word–”
“I wouldn’t, ” Kevin promised. “ I swear.”
Jean felt guilt and shame building in his chest. He felt disgusting for looking at another man like that, let alone having been caught doing so. The accusations and taunts of the other Ravens flooded his mind and tried to distract him from his game. The only thing that pulled his head back into the game was the firm squeeze to his forearm from Nathaniel as he jogged past him to his own position on the court.
For the final press, the entire Perfect Court played together. They were the strongest together, they had the most on court chemistry. Jeremy slipped past once to score and the sound of the buzzer rang in his ears, a loud warning of impending pain and injury. But Riko scored the final goal of the game, a mere thirty seconds before the game ended. Jean had seen Kevin pass to Riko despite the open shot he had to allow Riko the win, for which Jean was grateful.
They went down the line for handshakes and Jean couldn’t be sure if Jeremy’s hand did linger on his or not, but it felt like it had.
“You played great, Jean,” Jeremy said, grinning up at him with a 1000 watt smile that was blinding in its perfection. Jean didn’t know if he responded, but Nathaniel seamlessly offered a distraction.
“Jeremy Knox! You are quite popular among the Perfect Court,” Nathaniel smiled at the man, accepting his handshake with more enthusiasm than was warranted. He tugged Jeremy forward unexpectedly, and dropped his voice conspiratorially. “But don’t tell Riko I said that.”
“You are a little shit,” Jean said under his breath, his cheeks warming further. Jeremy barked a laugh and clapped them both on the shoulders.
“I think playing you guys at finals is going to be much more fun now that you guys have joined,” Jeremy said, grinning brightly. “I look forward to playing you guys again next year.”
“Work on your footwork before then though, okay?” Nathaniel asked, tone innocent despite the thinly veiled insult. “Don’t want you tripping over Jean and his absurdly long limbs again.”
Jean gasped in offense, sure he had managed to offend the man but Jeremy only laughed harder.
“Ask Kevin to give you guys my number,” Jeremy shot them both a wink. “I want to hear some of your feedback on our team.”
“Will do,” Nathaniel said and gave him a mock salute. “See you when we kick your asses again next season.”
“Looking forward to it,” Jeremy called as they left. “Bye, Jean!”
Jean waved awkwardly, kicking himself internally. He waited until they were off the court before kicking Nathaniel outwardly instead.
“ You are a little British bastard,” Jean hissed quietly in French. The only ones close enough to overhear were Kevin and Thea, who both watched curiously. They had both seen the interaction with Jeremy, and it was one of the only French phrases that Thea could recognize. “ A tiny red devil.”
Nathaniel only snickered, making Thea smile.
“You two are pretty big fans,” Thea said, tapping a finger to her chin in mock contemplation. “Is it a Perfect Court thing to think Jeremy Knox is sunshine incarnate?”
“No, I think the world at large agrees to that,” Nathaniel said back, mimicking the motion Thea was doing. “But it is a ‘tallest members of the Perfect Court’ thing to trip over your feet when he smiles.”
Kevin and Jean gasp in unison, making Nathaniel and Thea laugh even harder at them.
“Such losers,” Thea said.
“ Such losers,” Nathaniel agreed.
“I hate all of you,” Kevin muttered, leaving their sides to go to Riko’s for press duty. Riko had been discussing the game with the Master until then, none the wiser to their conversation. Thea stayed with them a moment longer after he had gone, watching as the two walked towards the reporters.
“You kids did great today,” Thea said. She smacked them both hard on the shoulders, knocking them into each other. Her strength was something Jean always admired, but not when it was used to knock them around like this. But the praise from Thea was enough to warm Jean and melt his nerves away.
“Thank you,” Jean said, giving her a small smile. “You did great as well, another championship under your belt.”
“Damn straight.” Thea grinned.
“Next stop, Houston Sirens and US Court,” Nathaniel said. He held a hand up towards her for a fist bump, wincing slightly when she knocked their knuckles together harder than was necessary.
“Thanks, Red. C’mon, my little ducklings.”
Jean and Nathaniel groaned but followed after her easily, doing nothing to disavow the accusation. She only smiled and ruffled their hair, following the rest of their team to the locker room to shower and change.
***
Riko was not angry after the game. It was the first game night that ended solely in celebrations, no violence or snide remarks sent their way, so they were able to slip away to go to their room shortly after they returned to the Nest.
Jean had been thinking about the interaction with Jeremy since they got back to their dorm. Neither had asked Kevin for Jeremy’s number, despite his offer. It was a risk to communicate with him, with how Riko reacted to the realization Jean liked men. Even Nathaniel’s phone was not safe, as it could be seen that Jean was using his to avoid detection.
It made Jean sad, sadder than he had expected to feel. The one person outside the Ravens he could potentially speak to, someone who had reacted so brightly to the idea of talking to him again, and he had to avoid them. He had never deluded himself enough to think that he deserved anything. Despite what Nathaniel would say, he knew he would never be free. Nathaniel’s talk of finding a way to free themselves of Riko never made him feel hope, and now more than ever he felt truly hopeless.
They changed in silence, switching their Ravens tracksuits for softer, well worn clothes. The hoodie Nathaniel wore was one of Jean’s, much too large on his small frame. Jean felt a strange fondness for the sight despite himself.
“ Wear your own clothes, ” Jean complained, tugging on the strings of the hoodie so it cinched around his neck. Nathaniel sputtered in indignation.
“ Fuck off, yours is more comfortable.” Nathaniel jabbed him in the ribs. “ You’re not wearing it, anyways.”
“ Because you always take it,” Jean replied. They went through the motions of getting ready for bed. Change, plug phones in to charge, climb into Nathaniel’s bed together. The closeness depends on the night, and Nathaniel always waited for Jean to decide. After a moment’s consideration, Jean asked, “ Hold me?”
Nathaniel didn’t say anything but lied down, arms out towards Jean. He let Jean maneuver him until he was on his back with Jean halfway on top of him, head on his chest, Nathaniel’s arms around his shoulders. Jean held tight to the hem of his hoodie and sighed, a heavy ache building in his chest. They went quiet, but neither made any move to sleep yet. They relished the silence, a night without Riko there to make their lives hell. They generally stayed up later than they should on nights like these so they could take in the relief that was so rare.
“Neil?” Jean asked after a moment, voice muffled where he turned his face harder into Nathaniel’s chest. Nathaniel hummed in response. Jean spoke in French, as they always did when alone. “I hate this .”
“ Damn, I guess I’ll go to your bed tonight, gangly bastard, ” Nathaniel huffed in false offense. Jean knew that he was aware he was not meaning this exact moment. He pinched Nathaniel’s waist, silently gratified by the startled yelp it elicited. Jean smiled faintly despite himself.
“ I wish we could leave ,” Jean whispered. He hadn’t spoken like this in years, never voicing his feelings no matter how badly he wanted to.
Nathaniel sighed and tightened his arms around Jean’s shoulders. “ I know, Yves.”
“Is it wrong? ” Jean asked. Knowing Nathaniel couldn’t know what he meant, he continued, “ being attracted to Jeremy. Is it wrong? ”
“ No ,” Nathaniel said firmly. “ It isn’t. ”
“ Then why did Riko have them hurt me? ” Jean’s voice cracked, emotions he had fought so hard to keep down welling up. “ What did I do to deserve all this?”
“ You didn’t do anything, ” Nathaniel said softly. “ We don’t deserve to be here.”
“ Then why? ” Jean asked, knowing he sounded pathetic but not being able to stop himself. It was just him and Nathaniel here, and Nathaniel would never judge him. “ Why us? ”
“ Because we have shitty parents who sold us to get out of debt, ” Nathaniel said bluntly. “ That does not reflect on us.”
“ Will we ever be free from here? ” Jean asked, knowing that it was a cruel reminder.
“ We will. I will make sure of it, ” Nathaniel said with a surety that Jean would never fully believe in. “ I will make sure we get away from here. Kevin too.”
“Kevin too,” Jean agreed. “ Can’t leave the queen.”
“Oh my god, please call him that to his face, ” Nathaniel laughed and Jean felt it through his body too. “ God, Queen Day. Has a nice ring to it. Unless he sticks with Thea after graduation, he could become Queen Muldani.”
Jean rolled his eyes even though Nathaniel couldn’t see it.
“ Do you think we could ever have that?”
“Have what?” Nathaniel asked in confusion.
“ Could we ever have a Thea? ” Jean clarified. “ Would we ever be able to have a partner outside of each other?”
“ I’m sure we could, ” Nathaniel said. He shrugged a little under Jean’s head. “ If someone could like Kevin, I don’t see why we couldn’t find someone to like us. ”
“ You know that’s not what I mean. ”
“ I know, ” Nathaniel whispered softly. He sighed and leaned his head down enough to bump his chin on the top of Jean’s hair, leaving it there. “ Once we leave here, I’m sure we can.”
“What if I can’t make it until then?” Jean choked out. His throat felt suddenly thick, like he was one wrong move from crying. He hadn’t cried since the final night that Riko offered him up to the backliners, but he was close to it now. “ I don’t know if I can hold on that long.”
Nathaniel’s arms tightened around him. “ Please don’t talk like that. ”
“ It’s true, ” Jean mumbled. “ I don’t think I can take that. And no one here would ever want me, Riko has made certain of that.”
“ We just have to hold on until we can leave,” Nathaniel said into his hair. Jean could feel his breath on his head, the warmth of his arms around him, the steady comfort of being so close to another person who would never choose to harm him. He wanted to have this in the future, with someone who was not a partner by force but by choice. He couldn’t help but think of the time he had walked into the locker room late at night to see Kevin and Thea kissing, her pinning him to the lockers with a hand on his chest and the other in his hair. It had been startling, though he was sure it shouldn’t have been. It made sense, but it made him wonder what it was like.
“ I wish I knew what it was like. At least, if I don’t make it, I won’t die wondering, ” Jean admitted quietly, almost too quietly for Nathaniel to hear. He almost hoped that Nathaniel didn’t hear his confession because he was suddenly so embarrassed by his weakness.
“ What what is like? ” Nathaniel asked. Jean didn’t answer right away, hoping that if he didn’t clarify that Nathaniel would drop it. He doesn’t, instead gently jostling Jean in his arms. “ What is it?”
“Kissing,” Jean finally said. “ I saw Kevin and Thea kiss, and I just wish I could know what it was like.”
“ You’ve never kissed anyone? ” Nathaniel asked, sounding so genuinely confused that Jean laughed quietly.
“ Neil, I was homeschooled until I was sold. My only social interaction was at Exy practice, there was no kissing, ” Jean said, laughing still. “ And they didn’t kiss me, for which I am grateful.”
“ I am too, ” Nathaniel said. Jean turned his face more into Nathaniel’s chest, hiding as much as physically possible in the smaller man’s embrace. “ We could do it, you know.”
“What? ” Jean asked, sitting up enough to look down at Nathaniel. He was calm, his hands shifting to Jean’s neck instead of around his shoulders. His expression was completely relaxed, not a hint of teasing or scorn.
“ Kiss. You want to know what it’s like, so we could kiss ,” Nathaniel said, as if that was just something to offer. He said it so matter of factly that Jean wanted to laugh.
“ But you aren’t interested in anyone, ” Jean pointed out. “ You ‘don’t swing’. ”
“ Yeah, but I am a little curious, too,” Nathaniel smirked a little. “ You’re not the only one who has caught Kevin and Thea making out.”
Jean snorted and sat up, sitting criss-crossed. Nathaniel mimicked him.
“ You are offering to kiss me,” Jean asked, sure he had misheard Nathaniel.
“ Sure, why not? ” Nathaniel shrugged. “ I’m a little curious what all the hype is about, and you’re my partner. There is literally no one else I would be willing to kiss.”
“Not even Kevin?”
Nathaniel wrinkled his nose. “ Definitely not Kevin. No offense, Jean, but you and Thea have bad taste.”
“ Hey !” Jean hissed. He flicked Nathaniel in the forehead. “ I thought you said we wouldn’t talk about it .”
“ You’re the one who brought up kissing Kevin !” Nathaniel hissed back, rubbing gently at his forehead where Jean flicked him. “ Not my fault.”
“ Go to hell ,” Jean grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest, looking up at the ceiling to avoid the amusement in Nathaniel’s eye.
“ Do you want to kiss me or not? ” Nathaniel asked, much gentler than before. Jean looked back down to meet his eyes.
“ Are you sure?” Jean asked. “ I could understand you not wanting to kiss me.”
“And I am saying that I will kiss you, if you want to.” Nathaniel assured. “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.”
“Then yes,” Jean decided. It made him feel a little giddy despite the awkwardness. He had never been interested in Nathaniel like that, but he couldn’t deny that Nathaniel was attractive. Curly auburn hair, icy blue eyes, and a somehow still tan complexion despite seeing about as much sun as Jean’s pale skin had. He had fuller lips than Jean did and a slightly crooked nose from breaking it, which did nothing to detract from the delicate lines of the rest of his face. “I want to kiss you.”
“ Okay ,” Nathaniel said. He sat up on his knees and shuffled forward until his knees pressed into Jean’s shins. He cupped Jean’s face in his hands and held still. “ This okay ?”
“ Yes .” Jean leaned further into Nathaniel’s hands, the heat of his palms soothing any anxiety that had been bubbling to the surface. This was Neil, his partner, his closest ally. There was no one he could feel safer with. Jean sighed heavily through his nose and sat up fully. “ Kiss me .”
“ Okay ,” Neil whispered and leaned in.
The kiss was soft, gentle, just the lightest press of lips. Neil pulled back just the slightest bit to meet his eyes, always so cautious with Jean, before kissing him more firmly. It took Jean’s breath away, because it felt so nice . Jean didn’t understand how something as simple as another person’s lips pressed to his could could feel so good .
Neil took his right hand off of Jean’s face to tug one of Jean’s hands out of his lap, and placed it on his own waist. He squeezed his hand until Jean got the message and held on. Jean kissed back hesitantly, clumsily, but falling into a rhythm. He let Neil tilt his head more to line their lips up better and Jean gasped at the sudden zing of pleasure in his stomach. Neil took advantage of the moment to lightly touch his tongue to Jean’s bottom lip. Jean’s lips parted on instinct, sighing at the first brush of their tongues.
It was electrifying in a way that both excited and scared him. It felt so much better than Jean had expected it would, and when Neil slipped a hand into his hair and tugged gently, Jean let out an honest to God moan. Neil pulled back to check Jean’s face.
“ Okay ?” He asked softly. Jean felt his face burn and Neil, the asshole that he is, grinned at him. “ Again ?”
Jean didn’t bother with answering, leaning in to capture Neil’s lips again. He grew bolder, holding Neil’s waist in both hands. He pulled him closer, until it was easier for Neil to climb into his lap than lean forward over their knees. He was a warm, solid weight in Jean’s lap that should have been uncomfortable, should have been awkward, would have been if it were anyone but Neil. But it was Neil, Neil who had stabbed Grayson in the back for assaulting him, who had punched Riko in the face when he cut Jean for the first time, who had once slapped Kevin Day across the face for calling Jean worthless on the court in a fit of anger.
It was also Neil, who held him in his arms at night when he was scared, who listened when he asked for space, who stitched him back together piece by piece after Riko left them, who would pick him over any other person in the world.
And it was Neil, who offered to kiss him because it was something Jean didn’t want to die without trying it. He kissed him passionately, a hand cradling his cheek and the other lightly fisted in his hair.
They kissed for what felt like hours, but couldn’t have been too long. Jean kept bringing him closer, until his arms were wrapped around him and his hands were fisted in the back of his own hoodie. He felt warm all over, like he felt when he was waking after sleeping close to Neil all night. It was more intense than that, with Neil surrounding him. His thighs were warm where they bracketed his hips, his hands were confident but gentle, his lips were soft against his and his tongue was hot in Jean’s mouth.
Jean hadn’t felt anything close to this in his entire life, and if he died tomorrow, he was glad to have experienced this at least once. It was a sobering thought, one that brought a sudden ache behind his eyes despite everything. He backed away reluctantly when he realized he was going to cry. He met Neil’s eyes and they softened with concern.
“ Was I that bad? ” Neil asked lightly. Jean laughed wetly and hugged Neil close, burying his face in his shoulder.
“ Shut up, ” Jean muttered. “ Thank you. ”
“ You’re my partner ,” Neil said, and it shouldn’t be an answer, but it was. It said I would do anything for you , it said I will always have your back , it said you are the most important person to me . “ I won’t have sex you, but I would kiss you again if you wanted.”
Jean barked out a laugh, unexpected by the blunt statement. “ I will not be asking to have sex with you. Probably won’t ask to kiss you again either.”
“That’s fine.” Neil hummed thoughtfully. He stroked his fingers along Jean’s scalp still, almost absentmindedly. “ Kissing is a little weird.”
“It’s not weird, you’re weird ,” Jean argued childishly.
“ You’re not wrong .” Neil held Jean tighter until they were chest to chest. And because he was the bane of Jean’s existence, he asked, “ Still want to kiss Kevin ?”
Jean shoved Neil back into the pillows, following him down to press a palm over his mouth when he started laughing.
“ I should smother you and finally give myself some peace and quiet, ” Jean threatened hollowly.
“ You’d miss me, ” Nathaniel grinned, a sharp thing that spelled trouble for everyone. “ You’d definitely kiss Jeremy though.”
“ Oh my god,” Jean groaned, lying down beside Neil. “ You will never shut up about this, will you? ”
“ Never ,” Neil said solemnly. “ The grumpiest French bastard I know being charmed by the human embodiment of the sun, so romantic.”
Jean sighed, aggrieved. “ You are the worst.”
“Nope, the best, ” Neil elbowed Jean lightly in the ribs. “ Other than Jeremy.”
Jean sighed again. “ You are a tiny cockroach.”
“ Lucky for you. Imagine sharing a bed with another you.” Neil rolled over on his side, facing Jean. He held his arms out and raised an eyebrow. Jean rolled his eyes but fell into Neil’s arms anyways. Neil pressed his head into Jean’s chest, just over his heart.
“Yves?”
“Neil?”
“ I know it is selfish of me, ” Neil whispered. “ But please don’t try to leave me. I know you want to die, but please don’t leave me here alone. I couldn’t take it.”
“I won’t,” Jean promised. He hoped it was a promise he could stick to. “ I will try to hold on.”
“Thank you,” Neil said. He leaned back enough to ghost a kiss to the underside of Jean’s jaw. “ We should sleep.”
“We should,” Jean agreed. He tucked Neil’s head snugly under his chin. “ Goodnight, Neil.”
“‘Night, Yves.”
Jean held tight to Neil, listening as his breathing evened out into sleep. Regardless of what happens, it was enough to know that he had someone in his corner no matter what.
He was grateful to have Neil here with him.
His forever partner.