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[I love you, it’s ruining my life]
It was all according to what they both wished.
They’re lips once sealed together on a random night after work, fingers intertwining and shared glances. A night that quickly became the beginning of all the shared breath, the night where the blond gambler managed to admit his feelings after all the fool masking he put up all this time to the doctor. In return, the doctor returns the favour – being the gambler’s partner. The relationship is hidden well, as no one other than them both alone know this.
As they wished for, ‘no one knows except both of us.’
The doctor himself was self-collected and calm after becoming the gambler’s lover. On the other hand, the gambler himself couldn’t contain his own happiness, so he set a bet that would benefit them both. The rest, ah, let them be the only one that knows the rest.
The gambler was down bad, really down bad behind those foolish masks he always put up, trying everything to get the doctor’s attention. He was upset, everything was not working as he wished – the doctor kept a nonchalant face.
But if only the gambler knew, that the doctor actually paid attention to his little tricks and observed his little movements to take his glances on him.
His heart knew deep down that he was indeed, in love with the gambler.
The wine glass was raised to the doctor by the gambler, offering the wine to his ‘beloved’ doctor, ‘genius’ doctor. The doctor only took a sip, but the gambler had numerous glasses.
“Isn’t it funny?” Aventurine threw a glance at the doctor, swinging around the wine glass to the air, “I tried and tried, but you kept that straight face to me.”
The doctor kept a straight face, making the gambler sighed, “See? A straight face for me.”
“Are you even listening, doctor Veritas Ra–”
“Who are you that dare to say my full name like that?” Aventurine sealed his lips quickly, throwing his glance to somewhere else. Ah, the floor looked polished, eh?
It was quite an awkward moment of silence for them both, as one kept a straight face and one kept drinking wine. Ratio observed the gambler’s movement, as he started to get drunk. The gambler’s words scrambled to nonsense, the alcohol getting the best out of him. His hands swung in the air, which then Ratio grabbed later on.
“You’re getting drunk,” Ratio commented, “Don’t you think you’ll need to sit? Don’t be such a trouble for me here.”
“Trouble? Me?” Aventurine lazily gazes up to the doctor’s straight face, “I’m no trouble if I’m yours, doctor.”
“No trouble when you’re mine?” Ratio’s eyebrows raised, “I’m sure it’ll be more troublesome for me.”
“But I’m a good ‘gambler’ when I’m in your embrace, aren’t I?”
Ratio’s eyes widened. He was a bit surprised upon hearing Aventurine’s direct answer. It was not expected at all, you could say it was out of his calculations. The gambler leaned in to the doctor, making him even more. It was a direct and brave move.
Aventurine’s hands reached one of Ratio’s hands and kissed it gently, “Why? Ah, are you surprised to hear me saying those..?”
“It should be expected, I’m so, so, down bad.”
“So, why don’t you acknowledge my efforts, doctor?”
“Was I too forward? Was I too direct? Please enlighten me, Ratio”
Ratio didn’t refuse his hand from Aventurine’s grasp. Weird. He usually would just walk away, but he wasn’t even letting this all go wasted. The pulse beating now can be heard clearly for Ratio himself, he was nervous. But he wasn’t even denying that he enjoyed it.
Why wouldn’t he? It was his first time like this. It was according to what he wanted.
It would be a lie if Aventurine was entirely drunk. He still had his brain working on, because he wanted to know how far this scene would go. Aventurine raised his lips into a smirk, teasing the doctor, “Stunned? Should I seal those lips into mine, so you would say something?”
“It would be a lie if I keep my act on until now, eh?”
Aventurine’s eyes widened in confusion. His eyes directly look into Ratio’s eyes, “What do you mean?”
The time felt slow suddenly. The air is getting hard to breathe. The doctor sighed, “I’m no master in romantic, but,”
It took a moment for Aventurine to realise what was happening. Ratio, sealed his lips, into his. It was supposed to be Aventurine who stole the kiss, though. He was a bit mad, but it was okay. At least, that beloved doctor of his knew what to do.
Their lips parted, leaving a tingling strange sensation in both Ratio and Aventurine’s chest. The doctor quickly threw his face away, hiding the red flush and the blood rushing in his body. It was a quick, brief kiss he gave. It was also his first kiss, cool.
On other hand, the gambler held his breath. His brain was still processing the kiss. His finger touched his own lips, sensing the presence of the doctor’s lips that were there before. Ratio was correct, he wasn’t romantic at all. His smartass brain only can handle complicated knowledge that Aventurine will never care about at all.
“Stop staring,” Ratio sighed, “What? You're shy?”
Aventurine's comment to his statement made Ratio scoff, “It was my first.”
“It was my first too,” Aventurine shrugged off and drank the wine, “Never knew you were that forward.”
“What about you? Being so foolish just to gain my attention and gaze all this time, despite my straight and nonchalant face?”
Aventurine choked and quickly turned his head to the doctor, “excuse me, what?!”
“What do I need an excuse from you, gambler? Your height?”
“FOOLISH DOCTOR!!” Aventurine yelled in embarrassment. Ratio lightly chuckle as the comment to Aventurine's yell. “Just because I’m shorter, that doesn’t mean–! Argh, whatever”
Aventurine gulped another wine, “So, it was obvious, then? You watched me being a fool to gain your attention and this and that? Then why didn’t you..”
He threw his gaze to the doctor, analysing the doctor’s straight face. It was hard to analyse his face, Ratio kept his cool as always. He suddenly felt a pressure in that very moment, making him shudder and shrug off.
“Forget it,” Aventurine added, “You probably liked to see me fooling around”
“It was indeed fun to see you trying hard to gain my attention,” Ratio commented, sipping his glass. “I was observing your actions, to see if it was only to gain attention or just for fun. It would be funny if it was for fun and I took action towards it.”
The doctor glanced at the gambler, trying to see his reaction. But to his surprise, the gambler threw his face away to another side, not allowing him to see his reaction. Ratio scoffed at that, but he then noticed the rushed blood near his ears, making the gambler’s ears red. Funny, the gambler was flustered.
It was a quite good night, Ratio admitted. He thought it’ll be another troublesome night, as there was the gambler beside him.
“So, are you ready to be referred to as 'the doctor's partner'?” Ratio glanced at Aventurine, who was still facing the other way. He was embarrassed.
Aventurine cringed upon hearing the doctor’s comment, “Stop it, I might die from cringing from you trying to be romantic like that. I thought a genius like you could at least say something less stupid like that.”
The doctor frowned, “Then I’ll take back what I wanted to say.”
Aventurine’s eyes widened, quickly glancing at the doctor and shaking his head, “No! Please! You stupid! I've been waiting for my whole life for this night and you decided to throw it off?!”
“Now, look who’s looking like a fool here.”
It was Aventurine’s turn to have a frown on his face, “Not fair, Ratio.” He sighed, now he really realised he looked like a fool, and a fool has a less chance to wipe all the chances of losing in a gambling term. Aventurine cleared his throat, composing another tough mask to cover his foolishness in front of the doctor.
“I am waiting for the answer, gambler. I don’t have enough time for you to being foo–”
Now, it was Ratio’s turn to be surprised by Aventurine’s forward and direct actions. As if the time was frozen, Aventurine walked in his direction and held his hands dearly to him, leaning in and stole the lips to be sealed with his. It was not a brief, short kiss from Aventurine. He was holding Ratio’s presence, making sure they both stayed like this, for a while.
The gambler wrapped the doctor’s neck with his arms, and in return, the doctor held the gambler’s waist to hold him in that moment. Shared glances, then turn into a shared breath, then turned into a shared night.
“Oh my, doctor. Didn’t know you are excellent at this kind of activity. Considering this is your first.” Aventurine commented, still hanging from the doctor’s neck. His face showed a smug, yet his ears were red as his heart pumped more and more due to the excitement. It was the same with Ratio, his face was flustered, his ears were red, but his gaze was fixated.
“I always exceed the expectations in every term,” Ratio answered, “I appreciate the compliment.”
The doctor returned the kiss after a moment, pressing his lips to the gambler’s lips and sealed it to his. He held the gambler’s body dearly, as if he was that fragile. The wind made the moment better, Aventurine’s blond hair flow like water, mesmerising to see. And Ratio wishes to keep it as his only.
The gambler closed his eyes, accepting the action he received from the doctor. The strange feeling then spread to his whole body, making his heart flutter and his face flustered.
They held each other as if the world was theirs, and other people who were present and stepped on that ground were just a mere guest that didn’t matter at all. It was that moment that mattered for them, and the only moment they wished to last forever, last eternity.
The gambler’s laugh was what the doctor wished to keep, and the doctor’s smugness was what the gambler always wanted to see.
That night was theirs. The rest is a secret that they kept.
Weeks passed as if it was a random night for them, acting like it was nothing. Deep down, they held the relationship that was formed from that night dearly. They keep it as a secret, and always sneak from each other’s schedule to meet one another. The doctor is the busiest man that Aventurine has ever known, as Ratio always has something to do even in his free time. On other hand, Aventurine is the one with the most free time, as the free time is always turned into gambling sessions. And, he always wins those gambles.
People would say, “Doctor Ratio is amazing! Wonder which woman will be his?”
And Aventurine would proudly say in his heart, “I’m that ‘woman’. I’m the doctor’s.”
The wine once again raised by the blond gambler, raising it to the air and swung it around. Throwing off laughter to please the dearest guests of IPC on that important night for the IPC itself. As a Senior Manager himself, Aventurine must keep his cool to impress and leave a good impression to everyone.
He sat among the guests, talking and throwing jokes then laughing. The glasses filled with wine added to the atmosphere. The gambler managed to keep the guests attention to himself, making him the star of the night for the guests. And of course, Aventurine would offer a bet to everyone. Acting tough to increase his chances to win, even though everyone knows it's a common fact that Aventurine is lucky as hell.
On other hand, the one figure that was standing straight with one wine glass on his grasp. His eyes observed the gambler, talking and laughing here and there. There was a sign of, unsettling feeling that has been in his heart since he saw the gambler friendly to other people.
Let’s just say he was jealous. Or maybe he was indeed jealous, just didn’t want to admit it. The tall figure drank the wine, scoffing off as he watched the gambler. His presence in that party was indeed an unexpected one, but none of the guests there really cared – they all were looking forward to the other things instead, especially Aventurine’s offers. They were greedy enough.
The gambler then poured the wine to each guest’s glass, filling in with such a flirtatious mask he put up. The doctor cringed as he watched that face walking around to pass that face to everyone, making sure everyone was pleased.
After that, the gambler then excuses himself to let the guests enjoy other things first before he comes back. Was it just to meet the one that was observing him for the whole time? Indeed. The gambler calmly stepped towards the doctor who was drinking wine, the step was covered by the loud music, but his presence was enough to wake the doctor from his own thoughts.
“Were you jealous to see me with those guests?” Aventurine put both of his hands in his own pocket, leaning forward to the doctor with a grin. Was it obvious? The doctor scoffed, “I am. Right now”
A chuckle escaped from the gambler’s lips, “It was obvious, Ratio. Very obvious.”
“And what if it was obvious? As if everyone cared about it. You were too flirtatious with them.” The doctor’s comment made the gambler’s eyes widened a bit in curiosity, keeping the smug on. “Oh? This beloved doctor of mine is protective about me?”
“I’m not surprised,” Aventurine added, “I was a bit too flirtatious with them, so it’s expected from you.”
Ratio sighed, “So you actually understand? 10 points.”
The gambler grinned, becoming proud from the compliment. “So, since I took a break from those guests, why don’t we be alone for a while? Just two of us?”
Ratio threw his gaze to the gambler, then nodded in agreement. He took the gambler's hand, and the gambler started to lead the way out of that party. It was exciting, to hold his hand in his grasp. The doctor’s presence did press his own anxiety for a long time. He was indeed a bit scared to see those guests.
The doctor’s thumb caressed the gambler’s hand, making the gambler’s heart flutter. He threw his gaze to the doctor, then to the front. He was smiling, just the same as the doctor. They were both smiling to each other, feeling a little silly with the touch. The sensation in Aventurine’s chest made him want to stay beside Ratio as long as he could.
This was what the doctor and the gambler would always do. Sneaking into each other’s schedule if one couldn’t spare any time, or one had a special event. Mostly it was Aventurine who would sneak into the doctor’s schedule. He would just sneak into his lectures and watch him teaching. Ratio was annoyed at first, because he couldn’t focus because of the gambler’s presence. But as the time passed, he finally could bear the presence of his lover.
The wine glass once again raised to the air, but now by the doctor, alone. It was his own place, he swung the wine glass to himself, “cheers.”
The doctor was standing in his room, with the wine glass in his hand. It was supposed to be a small party that they both planned as usual to let go of the pain in their thoughts. But it was expected, the doctor received a scheduled message instead of footsteps that the feeling of strange sensation lies on.
Few weeks before, the doctor sent the gambler a small capsule with a not so luxurious design. It was a sign for the gambler to be careful with his own mission. The doctor wrote the letter with such sincereness, and the gambler received it with a soft smile.
But what left now was the emptiness that the gambler brought for the doctor, plus the scheduled message for him. The doctor stared at the window blankly, waiting for someone to raise the other wine glass on the table beside him and yelled, “Cheers to the gambler and his beloved doctor!”
He was not sure if the gambler was truly gone like what he stated in the scheduled message and what the other people said to him, or was it just another act of his? He wasn’t sure at all. But he surely knew that this silence was killing him slowly. The annoyance that the gambler usually brought to him was gone, now left with the emptiness.
The gambler usually would seek any ways to make the doctor annoyed, so the atmosphere wouldn’t be so dead. The doctor sipped his own wine glass. The wine obviously didn’t suit his liking, it was too strong for him, but he was willing to drink it because the gambler liked the wine. But a moment later he spit it out, it was indeed too strong for him. The doctor let out a tsk, then shook his head.
He threw his gaze to the wine glass he put on the table, that was supposed to be the gambler’s. He already poured the gambler’s favourite wine, yet where was he? Why wasn't he present at this very moment?
The gambler has won the game. Aventurine has won the game over Ratio. Ratio now all has fixed his focus on Aventurine. Now what? What was left from the gambler for the doctor?
The doctor wouldn’t mind losing himself, as long as tonight he could hold and sense the presence of the dearest gambler.
Despite everything that happened, the doctor would always love the gambler. And will always.