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Bdubs had finally bagged the guy of his dreams.
Bdubs was not only an F1 driver for one of the top teams in the sport, but he managed to convince his first teammate to date him. Not only that but Etho’s just about the most perfect, most scrumptious boyfriend he could’ve asked for. There’s no beating that! He’s winning life!
What had been innocent, playful flirting for the first half of the season escalated during the summer break when Etho asked if he wanted to go to Canada for a week with him.
Originally, he wasn’t going to go. Why go to Canada when he planned to party in Miami with his friends?
Who is he kidding, he jumped at the opportunity.
Etho bought his plane ticket and everything. It was— it seemed serious. It felt like something wonderful was going to happen. Bdubs was filled with anxiety the entire time leading up to the trip, and finally, finally, it was just the two of them. No racing or responsibilities, and no worries about crashing a million-dollar car into the wall.
They lasted about three days before one of them cracked. Etho took him to the top of a nice, pretty cliff and one thing led to another. And now they’re dating!
Returning from summer break and back to reality didn’t seem like a big deal. He thought it would make things even better with him and Etho officially being a thing, but then he noticed something he had never really paid attention to.
Joel was always there.
You would think they’re still teammates the way they cling to each other, jesus. Bdubs had never been bothered by it, nor had it seemed as excessive as it did now. But here they are in Monza, and they’re on the way to the track, and Joel’s sitting in the passenger seat of Etho’s rental car while Bdubs wallows in the back with Mumbo who's doing nothing but talk nonsense about his dinner last night.
He zones out right around when Mumbo mentions the waiter being an Etho fan because he stopped talking about Etho soon after. The only thing he hears after is the sound of Etho’s laughter, which he would normally never complain about, but it’s accompanied by the loud, obnoxious sound of Joel laughing with him.
Joel is not that funny. He’s not even tall.
Bdubs listens closer to what they’re saying, catching glimpses of necklace and Lizzie. Joel had thrown a birthday party for this Lizzie right before the break ended but Bdubs didn't get the chance to see the birthday girl. He and Etho didn’t stay at the party for very long either, which is fine. It was probably a party for Joel’s dog because he’s a loser like that.
Stupid, stupid Joel.
Bdubs doesn’t even know much about him.
It’s a sore subject for the team from what he’s gathered, so he’s never asked. He knows Joel split from Shade E-Es on bad terms, and that the team treats Bdubs the way they do so they don’t have a repeat of Joel. He knows they were teammates last season when Etho won the world championship.
With Joel.
Together.
They did that together.
They even won the constructors.
Being a rookie makes him want to scream. He hasn’t scored a podium yet, but Etho’s cruising along, beating everyone left and right. His only competition seems to beJoel’s team, but he’s always buddy-buddy with Joel so apparently it doesn’t matter much! How is he supposed to be cool with settling for points when Etho and his ex-teammate won championships together?
“You know what else I heard?” Mumbo’s voice drops to a whisper, catching Bdubs’ attention. He ignores the horrible sight of Joel picking out a song from Etho’s phone (!!!!!) and leans into Mumbo to listen. “You know how Jimmy signed with the Ranchers this season? Supposedly Tango’s really into Jimmy, but Jimmy’s still caught up on Scott. He didn’t hang out with Tango much at Lizzie’s party.”
At the mention of Lizzie, Bdubs decides to ask, “So who’s—”
When they reach a 4-way stop, Etho is cut off by a white truck zooming past them. Etho slams on the brakes to avoid getting hit, which causes mass panic in the car. Etho’s arm flies to the backseat as if he were trying to throw his arm across Bdubs. Hmm, maybe he should’ve sat in the passenger seat instead then. Serves him right.
“God, fuck that guy!” Etho shouts at the speeding truck, honking as they pass. “What the fuck was he thinking!? I was here first! I hate it here!”
Etho glances back at Bdubs after going through the 4-way stop safely. Bdubs flashes him a thumbs up, a little smug that Etho didn’t turn to see how Joel was doing. Joel has his cat to check on him, he doesn’t need Etho!
Joel goes back to talking, again, and Bdubs almost wishes they had gotten hit by that truck if only to stop the endless sound of a British accent in his ears.
They’re paired together for media day.
Bdubs almost starts World War III when he catches wind of that. Joel and Etho are doing the press conference with X, Pearl, and Gem, so it’s a good group to have, sure to make for some funny moments that Bdubs will see later on Twitter.
He doesn’t want those funny moments to be with Joel though . Joel isn’t even funny! And they aren’t teammates anymore! He doesn’t know why fans get in such a tizzy whenever the two of them are together. They should be demanding more content from him and Etho, even if Etho hates doing videos for social media. Bdubs likes it! He likes it a lot less when Etho’s paired with someone other than him.
What makes matters worse is that Joel and Pix don’t seem to have his problem. They’re best friends even though Joel barely joined the team this year. Why doesn’t Joel go hang out with his own teammate then? Why does he have to be around all the time?
(It isn’t all the time, Joel is still a very busy person. It sure as hell feels like it’s more often considering Etho never tells Joel to bug off.)
He’s currently sitting in the car as he waits for Etho to get back from wherever he is, Etho having given him his keys before he went to talk to Grian about something. See, that’s fine. He loves Grian! He loves Mumbo! He loves all of their mutual friends!
But Joel and Etho aren’t contractually obligated to be friends anymore, yet they’re still just as close as they were when they were teammates. Maybe even closer, which makes Bdubs want to snap his phone in half.
It probably isn’t helping that he’s watching a video titled ‘10 Minutes of SmallEtho Being Hilarious’.
Sue him, it was on his YouTube recommended, and it was either that or dog videos. He likes to torture himself, thank you very much.
He’s watching as they wear matching green long-sleeve shirts, but while Etho’s shirt proudly shows the Shade E-Es logo, Joel has a white T-shirt on top with… Etho’s face. He was walking around the paddock wearing a shirt with Etho’s face on it and now they’re laughing at something.
First of all, where can Bdubs get one of those? Secondly, the video’s not picking up on what they’re saying because they’re whispering to each other now, and Joel has the audacity to shove Etho away.
Um… Bdubs did that all the time when he and Etho were in their flirting stage! He poked him in the side and waited until Etho was talking in his ear to flirtingly push him away! Then he did something corny like compare hand sizes, but still! He does not like the look of this.
He shifts in the car as the compilation changes to Etho winning in Monaco, and he’s pushing his and Joel’s first and second-place trophies to the side as he pulls Joel into the infamous Monaco pool. The one just for winners. Yeah, that one. He makes Joel jump in the pool with him.
What the fuuuck. What the fuck!?
God, if he’d known these moments existed, he would’ve told Etho to get his soulmate rather than hang around Bdubs. Jeez, talk about intimacy!
The text that flashes at the top of the screen distracts him momentarily, and he finally closes out of the stupid video to see what Etho wants.
Scrunkly Pumpkin Cake: Grian’s leaving w/ his boyfriend so I’m heading over now!
Scrunkly Pumpkin Cake: You can start warming up the car, ETA 5 mins
Just what Bdubs wants to hear. He almost rolls his eyes before he remembers that his loving, doting boyfriend has no idea what’s going through his head.
With a sigh, he tosses his phone to the passenger side and shoves the key into the ignition.
Somehow, Bdubs has ended up alone with Joel. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.
As it is, it’s an awkward position to be in! He’s the one who replaced Joel on his old team. That’s always going to be a very weird exchange, even if Joel and Etho act like Joel never left. But they had been walking with Pearl, and then Pearl turned around and left! Like, why would she betray him like that!?
He wants to yell at her to come back, but Joel doesn’t look too bothered by it, and he can’t find a way to leave the conversation passive-aggressively. And even worse, Joel won’t stop talking! The guy just yaps and there’s no shutting him up, evidently!
“—our setup looks good though! It’s just practice so I guess we’ll see how it works today,” Joel says nonchalantly and looks at Bdubs expectedly. Oh, was he meant to be paying attention?
Bdubs hesitates, hoping his knight in shining armor comes out of nowhere to save him from this conversation. Then again, he doesn’t want to be subject to watching the two of them talk anymore, so maybe this is for the better!
“Um,” he starts. “Yeah!” Way to go, Bdubs, you got through a full sentence! “Yeah, we’re thinking the same!”
Joel stares at him funny. Shit. “Pix said there was supposed to be light drizzle. I don’t agree with him but I think it’d make for an awesome race to kick off the season again. Imagine taking turn one through a storm? I'd smoke so many people. So would Pix. It sounds sick as hell, but it's a long shot. Looks pretty sunny out here.”
What the hell is this guy talking about?
“I haven’t raced much in stormy conditions so I hope not!” Great, now he sounds scared. Someone should just kill him now. “Actually, I think you’re right! Rain could be fun!”
Joel’s eyes light up, and Bdubs realizes his mistake. No, he didn’t mean to encourage him! Now Joel probably thinks Bdubs is cool with him. No amount of talking kindly about Bdubs in interviews when he’s awkwardly asked about his team switch will change the real problem at hand!
“Have you seen Etho?” He watches Joel suspiciously, just in case he notices a change in demeanor.
But Joel just points him in the direction of the motorhomes, not a single ounce of bad blood in him. “I think he was walking with Gem. I’m not too sure, though.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later then!” Bdubs does a complete 360 and turns in the opposite direction.
Crisis averted! He sure is glad he played that one off smoothly.
Bdubs nearly shoves Grian when he sees it.
As always, in a room full of people, his eyes zero in on his wonderful, lovely boyfriend. It’s post-qualifying and he’s waiting his turn to do his interviews, passing the time by talking to Grian. Grian’s rambling about something funny Pearl did when Etho walks into the media pen, and instead of looking at him, he makes a beeline to Joel.
Grian senses he’s distracted right away, turning around to see what his fuss is about. “What?”
To make matters worse, he watches as Etho smacks Joel’s hat off his head and continues toward his interviewer.
What!?
Why?
Have they always been this way? And if so, why, and how does Bdubs get them to stop?
He checked YouTube the other day. The longest compilation video of him and Etho is only five minutes long. He should go over there and really give him a piece of his mind.
“Weirdo,” Grian comments.
“Right! I can’t believe—”
But Grian cuts him off, and Bdubs realizes that Grian’s looking at something else entirely. “Why does X have his helmet on over here? Did he forget to take it off? He did qualify in pole so he’s probably excited.”
Now that Grian’s pointed it out, yeah, X stands out like a sore thumb.
Which isn’t the point! It’s just something neat that he pointed out!
“Have Joel and Etho always been super close?” Bdubs lowers his voice so no one else can hear them.
Grian scans the room until he finds Etho standing in front of a microphone, tapping his chin as he thinks. “Not always. I think switching teams did wonders for them, though. It won’t sting as bad if they crash together again.”
Again!?
“They’ve crashed!?” Bdubs gets shushed by Grian when False gives him a strange look. Forgive a guy for being curious about his boyfriend’s deep dark past. “When was this?”
“Last year. Wow, the team really doesn’t like to bring up Joel, do they?” Grian laughs. Bdubs wants to tell him that this is no laughing matter. “Is he like Beetlejuice around there? If you say his name three times, everyone’s scared he’s going to show up?”
Something like that.
Joel’s name is almost taboo, which makes it easier for Bdubs to fall down the rabbit hole of Joel. Why does he have so much history with Etho and Shade E-Es that Bdubs doesn't know about?
Or is it his fault for not taking five minutes to Google the team? Eh, if that’s the case, no one’s ever going to know.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Bdubs summarizes. “They hate that guy!”
Grian laughs again, thinking Bdubs is joking. If only he knew. If only he knew Bdubs had a dream last night where Joel got disqualified from the race and everyone got to form a circle around him and point and laugh. Then he got replaced by a possum who won the championship, which is when he forced himself to wake up. There’s no time to dissect all of that.
“Well, I gotta go. Etho and Joel are on way better terms now, so if you’re curious, I’d just ask them when the team isn’t around!” Grian says, like that’s helpful. As if Bdubs really wanted to know how such good friends they are! “I’ll see you tomorrow, then!”
Bdubs gives him a weak goodbye. He isn’t in the mood for more.
“Why did Joel leave the team?”
Bdubs is lying on Etho’s chest after the race. They’re both freshly showered, but Etho still smells like champagne and frustration. He got third and he's a little moody considering he won the last race. Definitely a bit more annoyed that Pix and Joel got first and second respectively.
Poor X.
He buries his face into Etho’s neck as Etho plays with his hair, and the question slips out before he can stop it. He watched from below the podium with the team as Etho ran around the podium happily spraying Joel with champagne, and he bit back most of what he wanted to say as they took a team picture. All of it; everything he’s felt this entire weekend, it’s cultivated to now, he guesses.
Etho’s fingers pause for a second, subtle enough that Bdubs doesn’t bring it up. But yeah, sore subject. He wonders if the circumstances surrounding everything hurt to bring up or the prospect of Joel leaving. He desperately hopes it isn’t the latter.
Bdubs waits as Etho sighs, defeated.
“It was the team’s fault, more than anything,” Etho gets out, then pauses. He must really not like thinking about it. “There are races he should’ve won and podiums he should’ve had that he lost due to team orders. Because of me. I wasn’t the one calling for the orders but it still doesn’t feel good. He got tired of that.”
When Bdubs had signed with Shade E-Es, he was told he wouldn’t be asked to switch cars during a race unless he was royally fucking up. As long as his tires weren’t dead, his races wouldn’t be sacrificed for Etho.
It doesn’t sound anything like the team he knows and loves. The team that pushes him to be the best he can be, the team that encourages him when he sets a lap time that nearly beats Etho. They tell him in two seasons he’ll be challenging Etho for wins, but right now he feels like he’s competing for his heart.
Which is ridiculous, he knows that.
He knows he isn’t actually going to be left for Joel. But he just wonders if Etho preferred him as a teammate, if he preferred having Joel as his right-hand man. It doesn’t sound like Joel liked it very much, though.
“What do you think of it?” Bdubs is afraid to ask, afraid to hear the answer, but he watches Etho’s face bravely as he waits in silence for a response.
Etho shrugs, trying to play it off. “We won the drivers and constructor’s championship. I won’t lie and say we got there by being the best of friends. It’s easy to talk to him now, you know? No pressure.”
Bdubs doesn’t know. He wanted to claw his eyes out when he had one conversation with Joel, but he’s not going to mention that.
“It’s different, but it’s way better. If I were Joel, I’d never want to talk to me again! I’m very happy he does, though. I would’ve hated to lose him as a friend.”
Not exactly what he wants to hear, but fair. Even before they started dating, you would’ve had to pry Etho from his cold, dead hands. He can’t fault Joel for wanting to stay close to Etho, it’s Etho for fuck’s sake.
“And me?”
Etho holds him tighter. “What about you?”
“Would you think of me like that if I left the team?” And all of a sudden, Bdubs feels a lot more exposed than he has the entire weekend.
“I’d leave teams with you if that were the case,” Etho chuckles, but Bdubs can hear the underlying tone in his voice. He always tries to play his emotions off and Bdubs has just decided that’s the first thing they’re going to work on as a couple. That seems more important than Bdubs making himself spiral. “Why, are you getting offers already?”
Bdubs scoffs. As if a rookie is good enough for any of that. “No. I guess I’m just wondering if I have an equal standing with Joel.”
Etho gives him a funny look. “Well, Joel’s married and I have you. We just get along better now. He was extra lonely this weekend because Lizzie was already here and she ended up getting dragged to Indycar. Sorry if I didn’t seem focused on us the weekend, I know I should've, with everything being so new, but that wasn’t my intention—”
Joel’s what.
Bdubs sits up, almost hitting Etho with his flailing limbs. “Huh!?” Then he processes everything Etho said and smiles. “Well, thanks for apologizing, but he’s married!?”
Etho deadpans at him. “We went to his wife’s birthday party last week.”
Lizzie’s his wife!?
Bdubs collapses against the bed, and he jumps when Etho starts tickling him. He distracts him by kissing his stunning, idiotic boyfriend, and that ends the impromptu tickle session.
No one else gets to kiss Etho, gets to be held by or hold him, gets to sleep in the same bed as him. No one else in the world is going to be where Bdubs is, and he can feel the sentiment the more Etho presses him against the mattress.
Later, when they've put on a movie, he thinks about telling Etho about his predicament from this weekend. He was jealous and overdramatic, and it turns out one look at Joel’s Instagram would've answered all his questions. His wedding picture is his profile picture for crying out loud.
He doesn't, though. His heart is full of love and he can feel the steady beat of Etho’s under his palm. He chalks his questions up to curiosity and goes back to cuddling into his boyfriend’s side.
Because if he can help it, he's the last person that's going to get to do this.