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Once the sky went dull and clouds stood frozen I found myself to be just like it. Sitting like a wounded animal, desperate with no willpower to survive. All that I have done is survive. Survived the possibilities of being swallowed or crushed by one of those, survived the sheer pain of losing ones who brought a grain of sweetness to this bitter life. But most detrimentally, I survived having half my heart rip out of my chest. Where else am I supposed to go without you next to me? My whole life, I’ve been right by your side. And it was cold when you weren’t there. Just like the sky, just like me now. Did the cold touches make you bruise? In times where I was cursed to be away from you, were you painted blue?
And when I took it upon me, to kill you as well as killing myself, did my smile ease that pain and leave you with a warm goodbye?
I can only wish that I had told you how much I really loved you. Had I gotten the chance to let you hold my lifeless frame on the palm of your glorious hand. Unaware that at any moment my hands would soon be covered in your blood. And from here on out, I’ll forever be fully covered in you. I couldn’t even dare to leave this spot next to you. Sitting beneath the leaves, leaning on your tomb, staring into an abyss but all I could see was my reflection in your tired eyes. When I held what was left of you with my freezing hands, your face was warm enough to ease the war inside my heart. I would hope the touch of my lips against yours was soft enough to soothe the war in yours.
With this bloodshed scarf I will let you choke me for as long as I keep living, hoping to one day meet you where the spirit meets the bones. Until then, my widowed hands will hold onto your stone like I’ve held onto every part of you. It’s relieving to know you’re no longer suffering but this pain from your loss will be forevermore.
I’ll wait for the day fate steps in and I can come up to you and say
“Eren, I’ve always loved you,”
A white bird flew gracefully under my chin, took the scarf and wrapped me with it. At that moment I knew you were here, listening. You touched me with your soul and gone was all the blood and despair, I was warm once again.
“Thank you, I will see you later.”
Mikasa to Eren.