Archive of Our Own

There were only two things Zoro couldn’t stand in this world. One, bad alcohol. Two, feeling helplessness.

Now, he was faced with both. He gulped down the bottle of sake in his hand, frowning as the terrible aftertaste hit his tongue.

It was the day after hearing about Sanji’s abrupt departure from the Straw Hat Crew.

After a huge outlash claiming he couldn’t care less about getting the cook back, his brain refused to give his body any trace of sleep yesterday night. It was rare that he had insomnia. In the past, he almost never had a problem falling asleep anywhere and anytime.

Zoro hated that. It gave him too much time to himself, too much time to think about Sanji’s disappearance, the fact that everyone else of the Straw Hat Crew are here in Zou but that stupid cook. He had watched the sun rise above the horizon without a hint of sleep in his body, so he left his room in hopes of being rid of his restlessness.

It’s not like he missed him or anything. Zoro scoffed at this thought.

It’s just he hated how incomplete the crew felt. He couldn’t truly feel secure and grounded without all the members of the Straw Hat crew together. Zoro told himself.

He threw the bottle of sake onto the grass in front of him. It landed with a dull thud, which annoyed the swordsman who was hoping for a satisfying break when it shattered to pieces.

Great.

He couldn’t come to terms with the ball of fire in his stomach whenever he thought about how the cook willingly went with Bege. He blamed it on the dreadful alcohol. Stupid cook just couldn’t make a better decision than walking right into the enemies’ territory. Not to mention one of the most dangerous enemies of them all — Big Mom, one of the Four Emperors, all by himself.

Goddamn idiot.

He won’t be having any onigiris for a while. He decided. They wouldn’t taste right.

‧₊˚ ⋅ ⚔︎‧₊˚𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

“Zoro!”

Zoro turned to look at Luffy, who stared at him with a solemn look in his big brown eyes.

They had just had the meeting discussing the split between the crew, where Luffy, Nami, Brook, Chopper and Carrot would be rescuing Sanji from Big Mom, and the others would be heading to Wano Kuni.

“I’m sorry for not letting you join me and Nami. But we need more eyes on Wano Kuni and you are one of the main forces. I need you to protect them in case anything happens.”

Zoro was dumbfounded by Luffy's apology. Luffy had deliberately waited for the other crew members to be out of hearing distance, so Zoro assumed the captain had serious issues to discuss. But his apology was nothing like he expected. “Why are you apologizing? You know I don’t have complaints with our battle plan.”

Luffy’s eyes softened. “I know you’re worried about—”

“I’ve already told you, I don’t care about what shitty cook wants to do or where he wants to go.” Zoro frowned at his captain, his cheeks burning at the unspoken name.

The black-haired captain didn’t point out the swordsman’s forced coldness in his voice. He just gave him a reassuring smile which caused Zoro to look away in embarrassment, attempting to hide the rush of heat that threatened to climb up the back of his neck. Why would Luffy assume that he’s worried about Sanji? He couldn’t seriously believe he would want to help rescue Sanji, right? That’s ridiculous.

“I’ll bring him back. I promise.”

“As if I care.”

Luffy chuckled and gave him a pat on the back. As Luffy walked ahead, Zoro knew he saw through him, as he always did. The captain had always had the ability to see through all lies and deceit. Even harmless ones.

‧₊˚ ⋅ ⚔︎‧₊˚𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

He couldn’t make a sound.

Even as a sob threatened to escape his throat, Sanji held his breath and stood as still as a rock.

He could not let his sobs be heard by the people in the room. What if they knew he overheard the whole conversation?

It hurt so fucking bad. Even as the rain poured as if there was no tomorrow, supposedly numbing his entire body with the cold, his chest still ached with the revelation of the betrayal.

Turns out that everything, the wedding, the grand celebrations, even beautiful, beautiful Pudding was all part of a scheme to lure Luffy and the others in, as well as a perfect plan to put a bullet in his head.

Pudding had made fun of his injuries and his genuine proposal. She had mocked him with all those exaggerated expressions… Sanji’s hands trembled as he tried to light his cigarette but to no avail.

But he still could not bring himself to hate her. Instead, he hated himself for being naive enough to believe Big Mom’s deliberate lies, that the marriage with beautiful Pudding could save the most important people to him in this whole world.

The whole world crashed onto his shoulder. Sanji almost kneeled on the floor in defeat. Almost.

The walk back to his room felt so much longer than he remembered.

‧₊˚ ⋅ ⚔︎‧₊˚𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

“What do you think the All Blue would be like?”

“What?” Sanji whipped his head around to stare at Zoro, whose three earrings softly dangled in the breeze. They glittered in the sunlight and they reminded Sanji of raindrops in the sun.

“What did you say?” Sanji’s mouth hung open, daunted by the fact that Zoro, of all people, was asking about his dream.

He really couldn’t blame it on him considering how insanely good the weather was. Even grumpy as Zoro could be faltered by the weather, huh.

“Have you ever thought of what it looks like?” Zoro ignored his shock and repeated the question. “Like what kinds of fish you would find? What reefs you would see?”

Sanji turned to look at the humming waters. They were calm, gentle, and soothed Sanji’s rapid heart.

“No.” He mumbled.

“Why not?”

“I guess it’s more like the idea of it I want to pursue.” Sanji puffed a smoke, “I want to make the vision true. The vision that I get to serve thousands of people with the best ingredients, with the best cuisine.”

“Because it makes people happy?” A smile tugged at Zoro’s lips. Sanji noticed it out of the corner of his eye.

He felt his chest warm at his smile and his words. “Yes. And that makes me happy too.”

Zoro’s smile widened and turned slightly to look at him. Sanji returned his stare. It was a rare, genuine one, and something in Sanji’s chest tugged at the smile. Maybe it was the sun, or the light reflected from the waters, that the sight was too bright for Sanji to behold. He had to look away.

Zoro held his stare on Sanji. It burned him.

“I know. Because that’s who you are.”

The sounds of the sea came to an abrupt halt.

Sanji opened his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling.

He could almost hear Zoro’s words still hanging in the room. Sanji looked around, just to find out that everything in his sight blurred into a blender of colours. For a brief second, he thought he was having problems with his sight. But as he sat up he felt wetness sliding down his cheeks. He reached up to touch and the tip of his fingers came away with tears.

So that’s why. Sanji scoffed. His brain was still too heavy from sleep that he didn’t realise he had been crying when he had the dream. Can’t believe I would ever cry thinking about that mosshead.

It was the softest Zoro had ever spoken to him. It must have been the sun, or the softly humming waters that enchanted the swordsman and himself, that not only were they capable of having a decent conversation, but their voices were simultaneously softened to almost a whisper, perhaps in fear of shattering the calmness surrounding them.

Sanji had not believed he and Zoro could ever talk without shouting insults at each other. But that day, Zoro had talked to him like a friend rather than an enemy. He pointed out the main reason of his dream of pursuing the All Blue when Sanji thought Zoro wouldn’t even spare a look at him if he didn’t need to.

It was a fond memory that he had kept within the deepest depths of his heart. The memory was warm and sweet. But there it was, its nature twisted into a malicious one, haunting his dreams in his most vulnerable state.

Still in a daze, Sanji desperately grabbed at the air in front of him, perhaps in hopes of preserving any hint of warmth that lingered from the dream. Then when his efforts were futile, he lied back down, curled himself up against the chill from the cold, unfamiliar room.

Even when he finally fell asleep, he still had his arms tight around himself.

‧₊˚ ⋅ ⚔︎‧₊˚𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

The waves lapped against Thousand Sunny.

Zoro found himself looking out at the humming sea with the sun warm and gentle on his shoulder.

He was hit by an intense feeling of deja vu.

He turned to see Sanji already beside him facing the sea, eyes closed as if feeling the gentle breeze. Zoro couldn’t look away from the way his hair glowed in the sun.

“Cook…” Before he could stop himself, Zoro called out to him.

He almost flinched at how weird that sounded. Zoro never called Sanji unless he needed something. For some reason, Zoro just wanted to see Sanji’s face. It doesn’t matter. It’s just a dream. Then he cursed himself. Am I dreaming about the cook? Fuck.

Sanji jumped at his voice, seemingly oblivious to Zoro’s presence before he called. Blue eyes stared into and grey. Zoro watched the cook turn to him with a sad smile on his face. He had never smiled at Zoro like that. Zoro felt an aching pain in his chest.

“Why did you leave?” Zoro asked quietly.

Sanji looked as if he was being punched in the face. Then he looked away, the heart-wrenching smile still evident on his lips. “I had to. It was the only way.”

“The only way of what? Throwing yourself into the hands of one of the Four Emperors? Don’t be ridiculous, cook.” Zoro felt the familiar fire gnawing at the pit of his stomach, but he still kept his voice low.

“You don’t understand.” Sanji threw his cigarette onto the floor and stubbed it with the heel of his boots. His voice was masked with careful indifference. “You don’t know what they held against me.”

“Who cares about what they have against you? We could always fight—”

“Zeff! They threatened to kill Zeff!” Sanji cried, kicking the railing in fury, leaving a dark mark. The last tinge of control he had on his voice flew out the window. There was a small voice screamingly happily at the back of Zoro’s mind, satisfied with how the cook lost his composure all because of him. “If I don’t marry Pudding, they will get to Zeff!”

Zoro froze. “You’re getting married?”

This dream is getting ridiculous. Cook’s getting married? Where did that come from? Does that mean I want to marry—

“Yes. And if I don’t marry her, not only will they hurt Zeff, they would also get to the rest of the crew. If I agree to the marriage, they won’t.”

Zoro scoffed. “You can’t seriously believe that bullshit. Are you actually counting on an Emperor to keep their promise? Dumb cook—”

Zoro only had one second to draw Wado from his waist, and he instinctively raised it to block Sanji’s heel. It would have landed straight on his right shoulder in full force.

“What else can I do?” Zoro was startled to find Sanji’s fierce blue eyes sparkling with tears, his face twisted into a painful scowl. His grip on Wado tightened, knuckles turning white. “What the fuck can I do? Just watch them destroy everything that ever mattered to me? This is the only way I could protect you all!”

“You can at least believe in your crew mates!” Zoro growled, his katana trembling against Sanji’s heel. “You and your stupid overthinking— Thinking that sacrificing your freedom can save everyone. The Straw Hats are not weak! Have you considered what Luffy would think? You left that tiny note promising to come back, and now you’re marrying someone!”

Sanji whirled around to kick at Zoro’s chin. The swordsman tipped his head back and barely missed the attack. They both jumped backwards and scowled at each other.

Zoro stared at Sanji, taking in the way his eyes shone in the sun, his golden hair lifted by the wind, and his tears-stricken face painted a shade of pink. Despite him being a trembling, angry mess, he still looked beautiful.

Zoro gasped at the realisation. What the fuck. All the fight in his body left him the second he understood what that meant.

Maybe sensing the change in Zoro’s posture, Sanji lowered his leg. “I don’t have a choice. That’s all I could do for the crew. I know I can’t fight them all by myself.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand in defeat.

The swordsman sheathed Wado with a sigh and walked towards the cook. He had to close the distance between them. Every single cell in his body screamed for him to get closer, get closer.

Zoro saw Sanji’s body tense as he approached. He stopped right in front of him, just slightly invading the cook’s personal space.

To his surprise, Sanji didn’t push him away or step back. He just looked back at Zoro with a sad twinkle in his eyes. Before Zoro could say anything, Sanji spoke.

“Why are you in my dreams?”

Sanji whispered.

Zoro couldn’t believe his ears.

“What?”

Sanji’s hands reached up to touch Zoro’s cheek, as if he didn’t listen. Zoro’s heart leapt to his throat with his touch, and he saw longing replacing the sadness in Sanji’s eyes.

“Can’t believe I’m fucking dreaming about you like a goddamn teenager.”

Something in Zoro’s head snapped.

Is he— Are they—

“Cook. Where are you right now?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” The hand on his cheek halted.

“No, I mean where are you? In reality?”

Zoro watched as Sanji gaped at him, his hand on his cheek frozen in place. Then the cook’s face exploded into a red mess as everything in his head fell into place.

If it wasn’t for the foot kicking into his shins Zoro would have found that expression on Sanji’s face extremely cute.

Zoro knelt on the floor holding onto his balls for dear life. Who would have known you could feel pain in lucid dreams?!

“Fuck— Cook!” He cried as he saw Sanji leaping onto the other side of the ship.

“I have to wake up I have to wake up I have to wake up…” Squeezing his eyes shut, Sanji buried his face into his hands and mumbled hysterically.

He didn’t just fucking confess to the mosshead in a shared lucid dream. Like hell, he would!

“Cook!” Once the pain subsided, Zoro rose and started towards Sanji.

“If you come near me I swear I will goddamn kick you in the balls again!”

Zoro halted. For the safety of his genitals.

“Fuck!! Why am I not waking up?!” Sanji’s hands tore into his hair, trying to wake himself with pain.

“Shitty cook! Listen to me!” Zoro shouted, remaining where he was. That’s it. He’s gonna say it. “I— I feel the same for you! So stop and listen to me!”

Sanji froze.

Zoro took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. Blood pulsed in his ear like drums. He never knew his heart could beat like this except in the middle of a fight with a powerful opponent.

“Listen, I don’t know what happened in your past but don’t let that convince you that you are any less than who you are! You are a great cook, an excellent fighter, and an extremely selfless person who has a dream dedicated to making people happy for the rest of his life! So don’t throw yourself away like you don’t mean a thing to anyone. You know the crew isn’t whole with any of us left out. You know that.

Also, we’re the Straw Hats Pirates. We’re powerful. We can handle fights. The crew mates are there for each other. As long as you’re with us, you can be selfish all you want. We can afford that because you’re a part of us. You are worth fighting for.

So, tell me.”

Zoro strode towards Sanji. This time Sanji didn’t protest. He stopped at the same distance when Sanji had so lovingly stroked his cheek.

“What do you want? Do you want to marry her? Or do you want to return to Sunny?”

Sanji’s lips trembled. Zoro hated how fragile and helpless he looked. “What I want doesn’t matter. I need to—”

“Shut up, cook! I am asking the Sanji in here.” He forcefully poked at Sanji’s chest, where his heart was. Sanji’s eyes widened at his own name coming out of Zoro’s mouth. “I told you it’s okay to be selfish. Now, what do you truly want?”

Sanji covered his eyes with both hands, trying to stop the tears streaming down his face. His whole body shook with his sobs. “I— I want to go back to Sunny. I want to keep cooking meals for them. I want to keep sailing around the world with you.”

“Then come back.” Zoro’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Come back to us.”

After a beat, he added, quietly. “Come back to me.”

Zoro awkwardly but gently enveloped Sanji in a hug, keeping a hand on the back of the cook’s head.

He could feel Sanji nodding against his shoulder.

Smiling in relief, he ruffled the cook’s hair and let a hearty chuckle take over his chest.

“There you go, dumb cook.”

‧₊˚ ⋅ ⚔︎‧₊˚𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Sanji snapped his eyes open to the same ceiling. His heart hammered loudly against his chest.

He could still feel Zoro’s arms around him. He then realised that different from the other dreams he had, he remembered every detail from this lucid dream.

The pillow was soaked with his tears.

Sitting up, he wiped the tears off his cheeks.

Luffy must be there, waiting for him.

He knew what he had to do.

He grabbed the basket of food on the table and made a run towards the bedroom door.

Just you wait, mosshead.

‧₊˚ ⋅ ⚔︎‧₊˚𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Zoro saw Orochi’s gun pointed at the girl. Anger washed through him as he saw Otoko’s silhouette shaking, torn between laughing and crying. Zoro remembered what the Shogun had done to her and the village.

He will pay for this. Zoro’s left hand rested on the hilt of Wado.

Without a second thought, he cut through the fences with a flick of his wrist and bolted towards the pink-haired girl. He scooped her up in his arms and shielded her with his body.

It must be because he was in the heat of the moment, even with his mastered Observation Haki he didn’t detect another person’s presence on the execution ground.

He saw a figure in yellow out of the corner of his eye.

The person beside him had a ball of raging fire on his highly raised left leg, and as he lowered it Zoro was swept by a wave of heat.

Looking up to meet his familiar blue eyes, Zoro gave him a knowing smile.

“Welcome back.” Zoro mouthed.

“I’m home.” The blond-haired man mouthed back and gave him a bright smile, blue eyes sparkling against the blazing sun.

‧₊˚ ⋅ ⚔︎‧₊˚𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅