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Chapter Text

Tuesday November 2nd, 1976 

It was the first week of November, and having flown at speeds up to one hundred miles per hour from one end of the Quidditch pitch to the other, James’s eyes were wet from the wind; his nose, lips, and cheekbones numb from tears that had long since turned to ice on his face.  The outline of the castle blurred past his periphery as he helmed his team in V formation for the last drill of practice.  The sun was out—but wouldn’t be for long—its golden rays mocking the few remaining red, orange, and yellow leaves on otherwise lifeless school grounds. 

“KEEP AT IT!”  he shouted, decelerating his broom to a hovering halt on one side of the pitch.  

James surveyed his players, one hand effortlessly circling his broom.  He brought up the other to loosen his collar, a noose really, letting some much-needed air cool his neck.  His practice robes felt hot and constricting today, and his mouth was dry, less due to the lack of water breaks and more due to having held his tongue as best as he could.  

The discomfort of these physical sensations, however, was nothing compared to the anger swelling in his chest, pressure building from unspoken frustration.  He sucked in his cheeks as he watched six of the fittest Gryffindors soar in unison, their grace in the air no less than the might of a phoenix.  One of these players was a fifth-year Chaser, Roy Thorne.

James watched as Roy skillfully maneuvered his broom through obstacles James had cast in the air.  Roy confidently sped up and slowed down as the drill required, and he had even mastered the complex technical feat of swooping down, looping upside down, and floating back up again that other players hadn’t quite yet gotten.  And for this, Roy was James’s favored protégé.  He had the privilege of occasionally sitting with the sixth-years at mealtimes and had even been invited to the Marauders end-of-summer bash. (To be fair, most older Gryffindors had been invited but only a handful had mingled and cracked jokes with James and his crew as long as Roy did that night).

But not any longer, for everything had changed on Halloween night. 

James’s chest tightened and eyes glazed as he forgot where and who he was.  The moment played in his mind— 

Roy’s hands dangerously low on Lily’s back, her dark red hair falling in relaxed waves over her rust-colored dress, autumn incarnate.  Lily’s hands on Roy’s shoulders as he smiled at her, leaning in…

It had taken everything in James to immediately look away and maintain composure long enough that he could discreetly fly past the Great Hall doors, Sirius, Remus, and Peter in tow, their classmates distracted by the latest WY/ZY (wizarding band) hit.  He’d gagged and punched a wall, the soreness from which still lingered in his broom-holding hand.  

Those bruised knuckles now white from holding on too hard, James loosened his grip, steadying himself by bringing his other hand down to his broomstick.

Like it did then, it had taken James all of his energy to stay quiet this practice.  He was afraid that if he hadn’t, his team would have surely heard his voice crack.  For the first time in his sixteen years, James Potter was unsure of himself.  Unsure if he could lead his team to victory in the fast-approaching match against Ravenclaw.  Unsure of who he was becoming if it meant that Lily Evans hadn’t picked him.  An ocean of self-doubt, and James was drowning.

Two days of blubbering over a girl who’s never given a toss and never will , thought James, would make any boy question himself. 

So, though he had been planning on running the possession play today—particularly useful when Chasers had to buy their Seeker time, a play that he himself hadn’t mastered in five years playing for Gryffindor but was determined his team would—James had switched to drills at the last minute.  It was a well-intentioned attempt to avoid having to pass to, talk to, or look at Roy Thorne.  Well, as little as necessary given that they played the same position on the same team.  

But the efforts had been futile.  Watching him fly now, every arc Roy made through the air was a knife to James’s heart.  It felt deeply personal, his self-worth slashed.  

He’d kissed her in the Great Hall, in front of all their friends… and she had let him?

James felt a pang of nausea at the thought of Lily with Roy.  Thorne , his mind bitterly corrected, trying to de-personify the Chaser.  

What is it about him that is better than me?  

Sting aside, James remembered the role he had to play.  He swallowed the lump in his throat, quelling the unwelcome unease, and words left his mouth on their own accord.  

“EXCELLENT WORK EVERYONE!  LET’S CALL IT A NIGHT!”

The team gathered, six sets of red and gold robes coming to a swooshing stop. 

He felt hollow, the only thing giving him strength the amplifying charm he put on his voice at the start of every practice.  Yet, James willed himself to be the leader they knew and respected.  

“Thank you all for your hard work today.  I know how wet and cold it is. You still powered through in conditions that could very well mirror the match, and this is exactly the Gryffindor spirit that will win this for us.  You’ll be sore, and so I’ll have some recovery potions for you all in the Common Room tonight.  Please take them;  they’ll help you remain in top form.  But after seeing you all excel on the pitch today, I know you can bring this same energy on Saturday.  Keep it up! ” 

The Beaters, both girls, hit their bats together in the way of a high five.  Creevey, the Seeker, took off his sweat-wicking hat and turned to acknowledge the Gryffindor Keeper.  The other two Chasers flew to catch up with James, and they all headed toward the changing room together.

Roy approached with a smile.  “Hey!  Great practice today,”  he said, clapping James on the back.  “It’s coming together.”

James stayed silent, repressing the cruel film playing like a loop in his mind.  Roy and Lily on the dance floor, him taking her by the hand only to press her closer… 

“Yeah, truly” agreed Ram Chhibber, seventh year and the third of the three Chasers on the Gryffindor team.  “With training as intense as this, we’re sure to win the Cup again this year.” 

“One last hurrah before graduation, eh, Ram?” Roy mused.  “Well, you’re right.  Winning is certain with Potter as captain.” 

James gritted his teeth at the ingratiation and dismounted his broom, leading the boys indoors.  He unlocked his locker with a silent wave and began peeling off his practice robes, his second skin.  The others followed suit, and locker room chatter continued. 

“We should try flying in warming bubbles on days like this,” Roy said, his voice cheery even as he shivered, changing.

James couldn’t help himself but snap inside, allowing Roy’s voice to grate him.   

“Not allowed during the game, so not allowed during practice.”  It came out sharper than he had intended. 

He glanced at Roy.  Not having bothered to look anywhere below his face while he changed before today, James let himself notice Roy’s tanned skin and limbs sculpted from hours of practice.  Though still slightly shorter than James, Roy had had a growth spurt over the summer.  His hair, usually slicked back with gel, now lay damp and tousled.  It was all too familiar.

How far did he get with Lily?

James unconsciously clenched his jaw, tasting metal.  He couldn’t stand to think of anything beyond what happened in front of other students in the Great Hall.  

“Man, are my thighs sore,” Ram interrupted.  “I was not ready for these drills.”

“Yeah, I thought we were taking a stab at possession today,” Roy said directly, then with a grin,  “And those sore thighs, Ram?  You could always ask Dorcas for a good rub. ” 

Ram responded with a titter at the mention of his girlfriend, “I’d like that very much indeed.  Speaking of which, tell me.  How was the rest of your Halloween mate?” 

The thought of Roy touching Lily anywhere, like that, was too much for James, and suddenly, the spell he was using to dispel sweat from his clothes swelled to fill the room.  For a few long seconds, everyone was overtaken by the hot dry heat and sun-yellow light.  James quickly controlled the magic back to the tip of his wand and shoved his now very dry clothes into his locker, slamming the door shut.  

Luckily, no one noticed that this last bit of magic was accidental.  

“Thanks for the quick dry, James.”  

James seethed. Why was Thorne being so unbearably nice?  It had to be deliberate, a taunt.  And Ram?  His friend and teammate, a fellow Gryffindor who stood beside him in the Order… had he really forgotten James’s feelings for Lily? 

“I want Whitby to be here when we run the possession play,” James lied, swiftly reverting to shop talk.  Whitby, a promising third-year, was Ram's understudy, and James was grooming him for a Chaser position after Ram's upcoming graduation.  “Plus, Ravenclaw’s knack for intercepting can’t be underestimated.  Their players are as precise on their brooms as they are in the classroom.  We need these drills so we can be more agile.” 

“Makes sense,” Roy agreed, either ignoring or oblivious to James’s restlessness.  “So the game plan this week is to counter-attack in signature Potter style?” 

Why did he have to make hating him so difficult? 

James felt conflicted, the flattery a reminder of his own inability to despise Roy completely.   His constant praise indicated that he still worshiped James, his more experienced, more charismatic Captain.  Had it been any girl other than Lily and James was certain he’d be laughing with Ram, ribbing Roy about it rather than standing here, lips sealed, simmering with quiet resentment.

For it was Roy’s ‘signature style’ that had captured Lily’s attention more than anything James had ever done. 

The locker room fell silent, waiting for James’s response.  Before the others could sense his mood, he quickly regained his composure, but the effort left him drained.

“Exactly.  There will be future matches where we step back as Chasers and don’t seek out as high of a score.  But not this week.  Offense is the way.”

The team looked at James in anticipation of the preview of their next practice that he usually delivered at this time, but it didn’t come.  And though they normally walked to dinner together after showering, James quietly excused himself, veering off as fast as his strides would take him, needing to be alone and escape the sight of the boy his first love now favored. 

Remus had known all along that it was a bad idea.  

He now sat at the short end of a long table in the library, underneath a colossal stained glass window.  Gray stone pillars to one side, and Lily and bookshelves on the other, Remus was lending a sympathetic ear to Lily as they did their Prefect duty for the night— helping first-years prepare for their very first Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. 

“He hasn’t looked at me for TWO DAYS!” she exclaimed, whispering such that the first-years wouldn’t hear.  “He even spent all of Defense with his nose stuck in the textbook .  In Defense !” 

James and Lily were dueling partners in Defense that term and sat next to each other.  From behind their bench, Remus had heard James tell their Professor that he could really use another pass at the theory today.  Their kind Professor, not impervious to James Potter’s charms, had allowed it, and as soon as the practical portion of their class had begun, Remus saw James walk away from Lily to the opposite side of the classroom and, indeed, stick his nose in the textbook.  Remus knew how uncharacteristic of James it was to miss a chance at practicing hexes.  He had tried to get up from his seat to tell him off, but with tug on his robe and a resigned look from Sirius, Remus had let it be. 

“Why does he have to be so…” Lily searched for the right word.  “Complicated.” 

“Have you considered that he might just be… upset?”  Remus offered.  

He remembered how after James stormed out of the Great Hall, injuring himself, he’d taken one too many swigs of the Goblin’s Grog they’d smuggled in for Halloween, falling to the floor of a boy’s bathroom, sobbing.  “ Do you know how much it hurts to see her right there, in front of me, knowing that it can never be?  That we won’t ever be together?”  They’d taken him up to bed, making sure he was asleep before rejoining the party. 

“Nonsense!  What right does he have to be upset?”  Lily continued, making comments on a student’s practice exam.  “He's made it very clear how he’s no longer interested, so the least he can do is not make it more difficult for me to at least TRY and date someone else.” 

Remus knew how very much interested in Lily James still was.  It was just his demeanor that had shifted.  After their very public fight on the Lake, Remus knew that James had immediately apologized for letting his emotions get the best of him and that Lily had forgiven him.  He’d stood up for her after all.  So James was determined to be on his best behavior going into sixth year, determined not to be seen as arrogant, as a bully.  Remus watched as James had retreated.  He knew how every time James stayed out of her way—sending owls over the summer but not speaking in person, stepping aside to let her pass on the Hogwarts Express, quickly getting up at mealtimes if she sat next to him, and not battling her answers in class like he used to—was an intentional effort to deflate his head a bit.  Show Lily he’d really changed.  Matured.  But James disengaging had had the opposite effect on Lily.

“He hasn’t exactly gotten in your way, has he?  Stopped you per se?”

She pondered this.  “No… but why can’t he be normal then, like you?  If you’re my friend, then he is too.  He could at least pretend to be happy for me!”

Remus knew there was no point contesting Lily’s convoluted logic.  How could he explain to her halfwitted self what she refused to acknowledge?  That she and James couldn’t ever just be friends. 

Remus knew that Lily admired James for joining the Order that summer.  When they all hung out almost every day at Potter Estate, Remus saw Lily in awe at how James personally wrote to every single Hogwarts student, persuading them to join Dumbledore’s fight, knowing very well the personal risk this posed given his blood status.  Remus was there whenever—in between all their war training, planning, the girls laughing at their back garden antics, partaking in their elaborate made up games—Lily’s eyes stayed longer on James than on anyone else.  Remus watched as Lily relaxed around him, beginning to smile here and there at the man he was becoming. 

Remus knew firsthand how bright Lily’s smile could be.  She’d shared her smile with him when he’d let her in on his secret.  It had instantaneously made him forget how or why he had ever worried so much before.  So when Remus saw how around James, Lily’s smile shined even brighter, showing no signs of fading, he knew they wouldn’t last very long apart. 

Last week, when Roy had asked Lily to the Halloween Ball, she had told him she’d think about it.  Consulting her girlfriends, they didn’t see anything wrong.  What better chance to get your mind off Potter , Marlene had said.  Amelia Bones might ask him, said Alice.   Remus, though, had known that the only way this—Lily going out with another Gryffindor Chaser—would end would be in flames.  He hadn’t been wrong. 

Thrown over the edge by the prospect of James with someone else , Lily said yes to Roy, and it crashed and burned.  James ran and Lily, now in pools of guilt and denial, was more fixated on James than ever, spending more time speculating whether he was affected than reminiscing about any actual moments spent with Roy.   

Was Remus allowed to say I told you so ? 

He sighed, before turning his attention to a bright young girl and her unanswered question.  “Some emotions just are .  They can’t be helped, can’t be forced, Lils.  Give it time.” 

“Promise you’ll tell me if he says anything about this?” 

Remus nodded, and Lily seemed satisfied for now.  

They spent the rest of their time with the first years, scribbling, explaining, assuaging.  It wasn’t until the clock chimed 9 that they corralled the students to turn in for the night.  Best of luck ’s and I know you will do well ’s were sincerely said.  

Before long, Remus and Lily were nearly back to the Portrait of the Fat Lady and conversation about something other than class picked up. 

“How come I haven’t heard of any wild plans for Sirius’s birthday?”  Lily chimed.  “It’s the big one-seven after all.  No midnight surprise?” 

“He wants to keep it quiet,” Remus lied.  The boys were indeed planning a big party (and a big prank) for Saturday.  “Plus, we have a full day of lessons tomorrow.”  

“That’s true.” 

Remus and Lily approached the spot outside the Gryffindor landing where four corridors intersected.  Coming down from one side, unable to see down the other, Remus and Lily collided into the brooding object of their earlier conversation. 

“Oh sorry,” James muttered, bending down to pick up the book that had fallen out of Lily’s hands. 

Remus paused, watching the scene unfold.  Lily froze as if she’d been caught in a lie too complex to untangle.  James—still leaning down—hadn’t noticed whose books he was picking up. 

“Hey there, James,” Remus said slowly, watching James as his gaze flickered over “ Lily Evans ” neatly flourished atop this copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 6.   

“Hey,” James managed, not meeting Lily’s eyes, his movements stiff as he handed back the books.

Lily looked intensely down at the books now back in her hands, inspecting the bindings because it gave her something to do other than acknowledge James. 

Godric, these lovestruck fools!  

“Had a good practice?” Remus ventured.  He had to make his full attempt to diffuse the tension.

Remus gestured for them to keep walking.  Recalling how James must have had to spend the majority of his evening with Roy, he had to hold his tongue from adding, make it through without breaking any bones?  

“Yeah,” James replied, his lie transparent. 

Since the Halloween Ball, James had grown quiet and reserved in a way that even the Marauders couldn’t penetrate.  If during the days Remus heard Lily’s plight, at nights in their dormitory, he was sure he heard James’s quiet sobs.  No wonder he refused to look at her.

They walked in a palpable silence, their footsteps echoing, Remus in the middle, silently sandwiched between his duty to them both.  The Portrait couldn’t come fast enough. 

“Dodging Doxies!“ James stated, breaking the spell.  

Not waiting for the painting to swing open, he forcefully pushed it aside.  But though he stepped through first, he held it open for the others.  Remus walked through first, ducking his head for both height and in apology to the Fat Lady.  Then came Lily and behind him, wolf senses on high alert, Remus could hear James draw a sharp breath, practically feeling the invisible thread that tied him to Lily. 

Maybe they should’ve told him, Remus thought.  That they’d known Lily was going with Roy.  To prepare him.  But truth be told, nothing could have prepared James Potter for the first time Lily Evans said yes to someone and it wasn’t him. 

Their Common Room as inviting as always, Remus locked eyes with Sirius first.  He was in his usual spot next to the fire, one leg on the table, the other bent, tattered book from the Restricted section splayed on his lap, elbows dangling off the sides of the armchair, wand loosely in hand.  Remus shook his head surreptitiously, eyes darting to the pair behind him. 

“Peter, Peter,” Sirius piqued, eyes fixed on James and Lily walking in.  “You sure these guys are coming from the library and not a peace summit at the Shrieking Shack?”

“I wouldn’t bet my last Galleon on it,” snarked Peter.  “Hey Moony, you should write a book.  Moonlighting as Matchmaker.” 

Remus tossed a maroon cushion at Peter—who dodged it easily—and took a seat on the ground in front of the fire.  James plopped on a stool beside him, taking off his bookbag. 

Alice and Frank were sat at the same sofa as Peter, Marlene and Dorcas sharing the narrow loveseat across from Sirius.  Books, mugs, and half-filled parchments were strewn about, their school robes wrinkled from the long day.  Other years’ students studied and mingled at tables across the room. 

Lily came to stand between the seated girls, prompting Remus to tilt his head at them, ever so slightly, signaling caution.  He nonverbally handed over to them the baton of attending to a distraught Lily. 

“They’re so adorable, the first years,” she began, but Remus’s focus soon drifted, his attention now on the boys.

Sirius and Peter exchanged looks, and from his omniscient angle, Sirius chanced a glance at Roy, diligently attending to some assignment across the room.

“He looks intact.” 

James shot Sirius a glance that said he was ready to flip over the armchair Sirius sat on. 

“Now, now Prongs.  If you glower any harder, you might burn a hole right through me.  I have to live to see at least seventeen.” 

Choosing once again to hold his tongue, James set his Muggle Studies textbook on the coffee table and opened it to an earmarked page.  Elbows on his knees, he leaned over to start reading.

“Essay to finish.” 

“Sure mate, but look, I won’t tolerate you moping tomorrow.  Things have been a bit… mad, but she’s practically doing you a favor.  Making sure you don’t rest on your laurels.  You’ve been too complace—”

“I’M FINE PADS!” James stood up, snapping his book shut. 

Conversation stopped abruptly as their friends turned to look up at James.  James’s jaw twitched, and Remus saw Lily look hopeful.  

Sorry Lily, this outburst isn’t about you. 

“I’m going upstairs,”  James said, eyeing Remus knowingly.

“No,” said Remus, getting to his feet.  “You stay.  Sirius, let’s go.” 

Sirius opened his mouth in protest, but Remus’s firm gaze, and Frank standing in tandem—“I’ll come too.  Al’, it’s getting late.”—put an end to it.

“Alright then.”

Though Alice looked disappointed, her conversation with Lily cut off, she too stood with her boyfriend and gathered their belongings. 

Remus took the book off of Sirius’s lap, grabbed the leather jacket from behind his armchair, and began herding Sirius upstairs.  

Well-played Prongs .  Now if only you could mask your heartache as easily…

Lily took an uneasy seat next to Peter on the large sofa, across the coffee table from James, who was back to reading.  Immediately, she wished she hadn’t.

“What was that all about?”  Dorcas muttered.

“Birthday decorations,” said Peter.  “Had to send Sirius off.” 

“He said he didn’t want much,” James added, not looking up from the book, his face and voice seemingly back to normal.  “But we have to do a little something.”   

Lily felt her face flush.  She had assumed James snapped at Sirius in relation to her, to what she knew James saw on the dance floor two days ago… but no.  

So he doesn’t care .  

“Mar, we could really use your Charms expertise down here,” Peter said. 

“I’m sure you could,”  Marlene replied smoothly.  “Given James seems all out of charm today.”

Lily looked at James, waiting, praying for a reaction.  Something, anything.   But if James heard this, he didn’t react, and Lily took out a textbook in reluctant acceptance.  

“What are you planning?” she said, turning her head to Peter with a manufactured smile, her voice high.  Anything to break the silence.  

Lily’s body still faced James, but if his ears perked up and he raised his eyebrows in recognition of her contrived tone, Lily missed it. 

“Oh the usual,” replied Peter.  “Already had a cake made.  We’ll turn the staircase into a slide for when he comes down, bewitch the lanterns to shoot lights in a rainbow across the room… ”

Lily was familiar with the various strobe effects the Marauders created for Gryffindor parties. 

“How can I help?”  Anything to get up from here. 

Lily felt paralyzed from James so near.  Whether he was looking at her now or at his book, it made no difference.  Heat crept up her arms, her neck.  Over the years she’d gotten so used to James, the poster child for optimism, always loud and laughing, joking with her and others, that his indifference these first few months back at school gnawed at Lily.  

She couldn’t help but think, Where did I go wrong?

Lily longed for summer again.  One day, Frank had invited Alice to Potter Estate, where he spent every day with the boys.  Alice extended the invite to the girls, and the rest was history.  Lily had found herself in James’s back garden, eating in his family’s kitchen, sitting in his childhood bedroom, running through the hallways of his ancestral home… opened up to a whole new James. 

Had he been hiding in there all along?

Before, she’d chalked up the secret of his unending happiness to a carefree childhood, a family free of strife, but as she had begun to see him up close, she noticed how his every action, every word was thought through.  Behind his dashing exterior lay an unassuming heart, intentions sincere.  For James, creating joy was a deliberate choice in exercising care for those he held dear.  Lily saw how deep his affections truly ran, for his parents, teachers, friends, any student who needed him… and so, Lily had warmed up to him.  And though they saw each other nearly every day, it wasn’t enough.  They’d started writing to each other too.  She recalled a particular exchange…

Evans,

Our flight to Italy wasn’t the same without you.  Even Alice and Dorcas were pros on broomsticks—you can ask them!  And you won’t believe how many of those ancient sculptures were actually carved using magic.  Tell your mum and dad!  

Anywho, we snapped a group photo in Rome, and I realized I now have one of everyone but you up in my room.  Send me one of those Muggle stills of you? 

Can’t wait to see you again this weekend,
Potter James

P.S.  I'm hoping your photo arrives soon—it's the only thing that might actually make me start studying for my Potions N.E.W.T. ;)

Lily had first written You wish, Potter on a piece of paper before balling it up and tossing it into the rubbish.  She’d instead responded,

James ,

Sounds like fun!  My staycation wasn’t all that exciting.  Petunia brought over a new boyfriend, but he’s a bore. 

Tell you more on Saturday,
Lily 

P.S.  Including my photo but be warned!  You don’t want your Potions book catching dust ;)  Maybe if you prove to me you’ve actually made some progress, I’ll send one after every chapter to keep you on track… ♡

Now, hardly a few months later, the boy who asked for her photo to help him study wouldn’t even look at her face.  Waiting for Peter’s response, Lily choked back a scoff.  What was the point?   Now that James had turned distant, she felt herself ignite, responding with fire to ice. 

If he wasn’t going to talk to her, fine.  If he was shutting her out, fine.  She would get up and give him a piece of her mind—

But Dorcas stood up first this time.

“Nothing Mar and I can’t help with,” she said, pulling Marlene up with her.  Dorcas’s dark brown eyes now burned into Lily’s.  “You still have to finish the Muggle Studies essay, right Lily? ”

Lily couldn’t help but nod.  

As the trio left the sitting area to decorate, Lily put her own Muggle Studies book down across from James.  From the stool across from her, he finally raised his eyes—a sea of hazel meeting an ocean of green—and then lifted his head further.  His face remained unreadable, and Lily braced herself.  He’s going to make some ridiculous excuse to get up and leave too. 

“Can you help me understand how a television works?  What exactly is a channel?”  

Lily felt a smile tease her lips as she was reminded of the first-years she had tutored, so innocent, so sweet.  Lily was overtaken by James’s suddenly furrowed brow, enamored at the slight part of his lips, his face now focused.  Could he hear her heart race?  Sitting there with his sleeves rolled up, twirling his wand between his fingers… Was it possible for him to be any more attractive?  If she could just lean over and ki— 

But the moment fell and broke as James suddenly sat up straight, pushing his glasses up his nose.  

Lily found her voice, but not her brain.  “He speaks.” 

James hesitated.  “If you don’t have the time to hel—”

"No, no,"  Lily hastened to correct herself, immediately regretting her earlier tone.  "Happy to help.  Uhm—”

She gestured for James to show her his parchment, essay in progress.  He handed it gently and then walked around the coffee table to sit beside her. 

Lily’s skin was ablaze.  Though James sat a friendly distance away, confusion at his apathy swirled with desire to form an intoxicating potion in Lily’s veins.  She tried her best to answer his questions, pointing to paragraphs where he could improve his essay, pulling out her own to use as an example.  At some point during their discussion, he must have sensed her breathlessness and, wordlessly, both summoned a goblet of ice water and dispelled it as soon as she was done drinking.  

After some time, they settled into a comfortable working silence—bidding goodnight to Marlene, Dorcas, and Peter who were done with their enchantments before James and Lily with their essays—until only a few awake students and a dying fire remained. 

Lily had ended up curled into one end of the sofa, her textbook in her lap as the hard surface to write upon.  Below her, James had stuck to the floor, legs now out under the coffee table, where he sat scrawling.  He was the first to get up and stretch, his wingspan almost as long as the sofa.  

“Finally done.”  

Half asleep, Lily hummed as she quilled her concluding words.  When she was finally satisfied, she looked up to find that James had already collected his things but was waiting for her at the edge of the sofa.  Her heart skipped a beat, jostling her awake. 

“Thanks Evans.”  In the fire’s waning glow, she could make out his soft smile.  “Now even if I don’t ace my N.E.W.T.s, I might at least have a future in Muggle television, thanks to you.”

Lily responded with a quiet smile of her own, rolling up her parchment.

“Maybe, I’ll host a show,” he joked, waving the name in the air. “ Wizards Watch TV .”

Her laughter filled the space between them, repairing the frayed invisible thread.  There he was.  The James she knew and lov—

“No really,” he continued earnestly.  “You’ve saved me from a Dreadful grade.  How can I repay you?”  

Bag slung on shoulder, ready to call it a night, Lily now stood facing James, her chin tilting up to look at him.  His eyes seemed to search hers, boring more questions than he voiced aloud.

He’s so close, yet somehow so far.

Unable to meet the intensity of his gaze, Lily momentarily closed her eyes.  This air of jest he’d created, just for her… this was her chance.  

Ask me out again.  Talk to me like you used to.  See me. 

Channeling her Gryffindor courage, Lily opened her eyes, her voice soft and sincere.  “Honestly, James, I miss how over the summer we—” 

Her confession was cut short by a loud cheer from across the room where a group of fifth-years huddled.

“Lily!” came Roy’s voice as he skipped over, breaking her concentration.  “Just cracked that Runes encryption.  You never mentioned how tough it could be!” 

Lily looked back at James to find his features now hardened, his expression undecipherable once more.  Was it anger, grief, envy ( she wished )?  She knew that not knowing would tug at her until she could break through his stoic facade, but one thing was certain—  

It was going to be a long week.