Archive of Our Own

  Seungmin never sold him out. Well, it did take playing annoying amount of chess matches with him (he lost each and single one of them) but it was surprisingly cheap for his silence.

"Don't even remind me" Hyunjin shakes with the memory, hands waving around like every time he felt embarrassed, a weird sort of dance known only by him. "Can you believe that he broke up with me over it? Over burnt popcorn, of all things!" he laughs shortly, as if he hasn't spent a good few nights crying over this loser in Jeongin's arms.

  Even the sun didn't reach him then, eyes darker than ever and it was possibly what hurt Jeongin the most.

  Of course Jeongin remembers that part to smallest, most precise details, except for the name, if it was important in the first place. It happened after the night, everybody had already left except them and the guy — something none of them were too happy about, Hyunjin himself didn't seem as excited as he normally would be. He was supposed to stay a night, 'truly break it in', as Changbin put it, something that had Jeongin retching over, copying Seungmin from earlier. Thankfully, that did not happen, for the sake of both roommates. He yelled at Hyunjin over the burnt popcorn, something along the lines of 'how the fuck can you not even make something as simple as fucking popcorn' (lots of cursing, something Hyunjin isn't a fan of, the guy should've known if really wanted to date him) and 'are you really that retarted, like, I knew there was something weird with you, Jesus, fuck' (something Jeongin was ready to punch him square in the face for if it wasn't for the sake of pretending he hadn't heard a thing). At least that's what Jeongin heard from his room on the other side of the wall, ear pressed as closely as possible as if he couldn't hear everything clear as day, before the guy left abruptly, slamming the door.

  Did Jeongin feel guilty? Maybe a little in the beginning, yes, as the situation had Hyunjin in tears for almost a full week, him and their friends forcing him to take time off work because obviously he didn't want to put any strain on Jeongin's life, the angel he is. Nonetheless, getting the guy to leave Hyunjin's life entirely and seeing him getting brighter every day was priceless.

  As much as he despised the guy, nothing beat the prize of getting to spend a whole week cuddling with Hyunjin and even sleeping in the same bed as him — Jeongin's personal favourite of all the perks, even if he hasn't slept a full hour a day that week, opting on watching Hyunjin's features soften in the light of the moon. Even if it was Jeongin's turn to have Hyunjin all to himself, Sun found a way to glorify him.

  If you ask him, God can be his witness, it was so worth it, no matter the heartbreak that came with it.

"Yeah" he laughs too, dryly, eyes lurking around, settling finally in Hyunjin's. Sun set, but there was a resemblance of a golden hue, hidden beneath. He feels himself soften, head tilting. "Was an asshole anyway."

"Yeah" Hyunjin copies his head tilt, a cute habit he picked up from Felix. "Better for me it happened earlier than later, I guess. Can you imagine his reaction if he was here when I flooded our apartment? Jesus."

  Well, flooded isn't how Jeongin would put it, just a millimetre of water in just the bathroom, a small accident. But the guy most definitely would freak out over it.

"Psycho" he comments shortly, another spoonful of curry at his lips. Hyunjin chuckles, ripping next words out of him, wishing to bring out any resemblance of laughter. "Had a few lose screws, that's for sure. Maniac."

"Careful, you'll burn yourself."

"Would be worth it. Seriously, Hyunjin, outstanding. I'm serious, I think I'm in love with you."

  Hyunjin only snorts over his plate, eyes never finding Jeongin's longing gaze.

  Better luck next time.

  Romantics don't give up, and Hyunjin likes romantics.

 

— close and risky, yeah —

 

"Are you married or something?"

  When they first met, not even an hour ago, Jeongin did not like Kyungmin in the slightest. He seemed weird, probably too much alcohol in his system and most definitely too much courage as he stalked up to them, Hyunjin at the end of the line of his sight. Jeongin's hand circled his waist responsively, Pavlovian' response, their other friends becoming aware and keeping a watch on a sudden new person. From the corner of his eyes he could see Changbin instinctively putting a protective hand on Hyunjin's knee, his body shielding the taller man. He wasn't usually jealous of their friend's antics towards his roommates, but that didn't mean his gut didn't squeeze tightly, half mind at the rando and the other half at the hand circling his leg.

  They had to deal with it often enough, guys randomly coming up and hitting on Hyunjin, a sort of a procedure bore in their muscle memory. He, Changbin and Felix stick closer to Hyunjin, always sitting in order wherever they went, a habit. Rest of the guys go on high alert, ready to send a guy away.

  Not that Hyunjin couldn't protect himself well enough, or that they didn't go protective mode with others — it's just that neither Minho, Jisung, Changbin, Chan or himself found themselves in a situation similar, all off them either scaring the guy off by committing near-aggressive sudden PDA (Minho and Jisung) or simply sending a guy away with as much as a stare up (the rest of them, obvious enough). Seungmin would usually use either Chan or Changbin as a boyfriend excuse, more often Chan due to both his problem with obsessively checking where all his 'kids' are, as he jokingly calls them and their more recent casual-hook-up status, Felix would mostly do the same or sometimes, if the alcohol went down his throat a little easier, would start randomly using his taekwondo skills in dance (once he kicked a guy straight in his jaw, almost a knock out, which would've been fun if they didn't end up getting banned from the club).

  The thing with Hyunjin is that while yes, he is a more-over responsible adult who technically could take care of himself, he also has a tendency to make stupid decisions he would regret earlier than later. He also has a terrible taste in guys which did not only come from Jeongin's jealousy, but general knowledge amongst their group (hence why they disliked most of his exes, they didn't like them to begin with).

  Coming back, the guy, Kyungmin, seemingly not getting what was going on around him, reaches his hand out to greet him.

"Uh- Hi, I'm Kyungmin. I saw you across the bar and, um, thought I'd shoot my shot."

  From the corner of his eye, he sees Minho's jaw drop. Seungmin laughs in front of him, eyes of the rest of the group land on him, widened. He reaches out his hand, taken aback, brain crashing a little.

"Oh, uh, hi. My name's Jeongin."

  Turns out, he doesn't dislike Kyungmin. Don't get him wrong, it's not like he likes the guy or has any interest in him at all — he was just happy he isn't here to try to take Hyunjin away from him. Seeing as irritated as he was lately, if he came out to be an asshole, there was a high possibility they'd end up getting banned from a bar. Again.

  It was unusual for a guy to come over to their table for someone other than Hyunjin, even more so to come for Jeongin specifically — that was a first. Not sure if he just wasn't as attractive next to Hyunjin to other guys (obviously, have you seen the guy?) or he scared them away by spending all the time in bars either staring at Hyunjin, unblinking, or glaring at any guy that picked him up to dance.

  When Changbin stands up to pick up some more drinks, not on an alert anymore since Kyungmin wasn't here for Hyunjin, the guy takes it as an invitation to sit down next to Hyunjin (rude, first of all, should've picked up a chair for himself). Jeongin does not like that, manoeuvring over to switch seats with Hyunjin, which to his surprise was stopped by Hyunjin himself, pushing him to sit back down, drink tightly in hand, eyeing the guy suspiciously with that side eye of his - something Jeongin has always found weirdly attractive but never spoke about out loud.

  Anyway, he has to settle down for simply pulling Hyunjin away Kyungmin, into his own side, his best friend letting out a pleased hum, head resting on his shoulder.

  Kyungmin sends him a weird look over Hyunjin's head, something he doesn't care to care about, giddy inside from the attention his roommate is giving him.

  Felix, the group-proclaimed sunshine, tried his best to make the guy feel at home, starting up a conversation with him. There were some question shoot at him, the guy clearly has no idea when to give up, asking him all sorts of things, starting with 'Are you in college? ', short response in a form of a hum instead of a paragraph about his major, his fingers brushing Hyunjin's hair, all he could care about, going through 'Do you have a job? ', response being a curt 'Yeah' rather than explaining what field of work he's in, too focused on Hyunjin playing with his fingers, centre of his attention the matching ring they got shortly after they met, ending with 'What's the last series you started ?', 'Hotel del Luna', a series Hyunjin really likes and they finally got around to watching together, no further information about whether it's good and worth watching, about the plot, just a snort from Hyunjin and a 'you always fall asleep after half an episode, dumbass, it's not even like you watch it', a short laugh from their friends, Jeongin's face in fake outrage, a smile tugging on his lips before they start bickering, ending with him in Hyunjin's headlock, his hair being ruffled, weak shouts of resistance torn out from him between fits of laughter.

  If he payed any attention to Kyungmin at all during the past forty minutes, maybe he would've notice the deepening scowl on his face with each and every response he got from him and his interaction with Hyunjin.

"Hey, look, okay—" he stands up, abruptly, poking their little bubble of bickering, cutting Jeongin's complaining about his hair short, all eyes suddenly on him, something he probably didn't think over seeing as he squirms where he's standing. "Look, I don't know if you didn't get it from the start or you just like to make fun of guys, but I've been trying to hit on you all this time, so it'd be so amazing if you could just right out tell me if you're interested in taking me home later or you're too busy with— whatever the fuck it is you've got going on" his voice gets breathier as he points accusingly between Hyunjin and him, older's hand playing with ends of Jeongin's too long hair. "Because, what the fuck, dude" he chuckles sourly. "Just tell a guy if he has a chance, Jesus, what the fuck."

"Yeah, no, I'm not interested, sorry, thanks though."

  Jeongin flashes him a quick smile and maybe he'd feel a little pity for a guy and would humour him with a longer response, but right at that time Hyunjin decides he's too tired for everything, throwing his legs over Jeongin's, his head tucking under his chin, intertwining their hands with matching rings, and who was Jeongin if not a weak man with a weak spot for the love of his life, curled currently around him, his attention immediately on him, happiness filling his chest, chosen over looking at the man he barely could remember the name of.

"Why the fuck did you even invite me to sit here?!" he laughs again, sound so much more unpleasant that Hyunjin's soft laughter, irksome on his ears.

"We didn't actually" Seungmin speaks up at the same moment as Changbin says "I don't think we did, no", eyeing him over a glass of whiskey from a chair he had to drag for himself.

  He raises his eyes up to Kyungmin's face, just to check if he was indenting on leaving them alone soon so that he could focus all again on the man of his dreams practically sitting in his lap, and if he did not do so, he would miss the way Kyungmin's eyes, eyebrows furrowed, stop at his and Hyunjin's hands, matching rings resting next to each other, visible waves of confusion crossing over his face.

"I— Dude— Are you married or something?" he blurts out, hesitation clear as day on his face.

  The only one who laughs is Minho (drunk), the rest way too invested in drama to react. Jeongin sputters, more taken aback by the fact that he and Hyunjin look like a couple, oh what a blessing for his little, madly-in-love heart, rather than what Kyungmin thought of him, of them, and before he musters out an answer Hyunjin sighs dramatically, lifting their hands up and waving them up in the air, still twisted tightly together, perfect halves of one, perfect match, one as if the cast of another.

"Yeah, dude, we are, now please leave us alone, I'm tired." he mutters, loud and clear enough for everyone at their table to hear him.

"Fucking- humiliating."

  That gets him to storm off, curses mumbled under his nose, all of their group following him. Silence falls, only sound in Jeongin's ears his own heart beating way too fast yet ever so slow, each beat coming one after another yet holding itself for eternities, blood pumping and coursing through his veins, up and down to every nook and cranny of his being, so deliciously warmly clashing in the numb tips of his fingers still caressing Hyunjin's own hand, too warm and too cold at the same time, silence that rises over their group weirdly loud in his ears, covering shouting from the table nearby and music blasting through the speakers, everything white and glowy yet dark and fuzzy like a broken TV, Hyunjin's eyes resting on his; the prettiest shade he's ever been blessed with and suddenly he understands why Helios loves them so much, he's always knew how pretty his eyes are but here in this timeline, the mere seconds where they are the only thing that matters, they are the literal embodiment of Sun, gaze confused, surprised yet as if not caring at all, hint of a fondness hidden so deep under the shine, oh how easy it would be to simply lean down and lay a kiss or two on his eyelashes—

  A few droplets of water are all that it takes to wake him up from trance, everything coming back with double the force. The flashing lights, too loud, overwhelming music, the presence of their friends around, Hyunjin's body moving away from him, a gasp, his only assumption he got splashed too, Seungmin's wide grin flashing before his eyes.

"Had to, before you start going at it right in front of us" he sticks his tongue at at them, Chan swatting at his hand with a nervous laugh, taking the half-full glass away from his reach.

"We're not you and Chan-hyung, Minnie, calm your tits" Hyunjin puffs, no real malice behind his words, a small hint of teasing, Seungmin's fake offended gasp and Jeongin is coming back to his senses, Minho's eyes burning a hole through him from the opposite side of the table.

"Sorry I— Got a little distracted over... All this" he gestures around as if it meant anything; they were his friends for years, they know what he means.

"Sure, that's what got you distracted" Han snorts, a glare sent to him only to be striked back with an eye roll. Before he could stick his tongue out at him (maybe he's picking too many bad habits off of Seungmin) he's getting yanked up, drinks and friends temporarily forgotten as Hyunjin drags him across the club to the dance floor, his hand warm around his with the exception of the metal ring.

"We didn't get to dance yet" he explains, hands automatically around his neck, Jeongin's hands reaching for his waist — he has his body trained like a dog, ready to take and grant his every wish and command, pout obvious in his voice for someone who knows him long enough.

  He doesn't have a reason to protest, one to rather beg Hyunjin for a dance rather than refuse him, swaying slowly on the floor, not a care in the world about music missing their every step. Hyunjin perks up, glances around. Sometimes he gets why Changbin and Minho call him a meerkat, yet he still stands with the rest of his group at the weasel side of the argument (with exception of Seungmin who pulled llama out of nowhere, the weirdo he is), curious eyes scanning around the room, squinting from the flashing lights and maybe he really does resemble an animal more than a human sometimes.

"Hold up, there's an interesting guy there. Maybe I'll get some tonight after all" he wiggles his brows suggestively what got Jeongin rolling his eyes before he retches suggestively at the mention of his best friend's sex life. Hyunjin doesn't need to know that it wasn't the idea of it itself, but the idea of him with other people in any similar context that got his stomach and throat twisting.

"But I thought you were my husband for the night?" he pouts to exaggerate his point, hands encircling his wait wholly, pressing the taller man into himself, no intention to let go. Hyunjin laughs, head thrown back and hand coming up to cover his lips, sound so much more beautiful than whatever noises Kyungmin was calling 'laughter'.

"Aw, you liked the idea this much?" he teases, head back down, eye contact sturdy. He connects his hands at Jeongin's nape and leans back, secured at his midsection, preventing his roommate from kissing him. As if Jeongin would ever dare to.

"And what if I did?" he smiles back, teeth on full show — he knows Hyunjin's weakness for his smile, confession ripped out of him during a drunken night when he was complaining about Jeongin's ability to get him to do whatever he wanted, as if he wasn't making the same out of Jeongin. He leans forward, resulting in Hyunjin leaning closer to the floor, eyes flashing with playfulness. He knew Jeongin would never let him go, let him fall to the dirty ground, just without the knowledge Jeongin was ready to rip his own skin off and lay it as a gruesome carpet for Hyunjin to land on, the cost of it for him irrelevant. Hyunjin smiles at him devilishly, hands at the back of his neck pulling him down until their breaths tangle together, a strong hint of Hyunjin's favourite mints behind the faint smell of alcohol.

"I love you darling~" he adds for good measure, one hand running up and tangling in his hair, more for the purpose of playing with it than anything mischievously hidden behind the action. Jeongin acts like the words don't shake up the core of his existence, wild jungle coming to live in his guts at the idea the words could ever be real.

"Darling?" he asks back, smile never leaving his lips, lifting Hyunjin up with himself, the slim distance between their bodies never changing.

  As if on clue, music changes in the background, a song they both knew well from all the thirsty edits Felix sends them, woman's voice high and speedy on the lyrics embedded in his head, the words he sings to Hyunjin in his dreams.

Darlin' can I be your favourite?

  The words hold so much power over him, Hyunjin'd never know, yet they both can't resist the laughter that builds up at their chests at the ridiculousness of the situation, a few people looking at them like they're mentally ill but no, Jeongin's just drunk on the high that is being in love with his best friend.

"I meant 'darling' as in the way your parent call each other" Hyunjin manages out between fits of laughter, Jeongin's hand on his back stopping him from toppling over to the floor.

  Jeongin knows exactly what he means, his parents being all lovey-dovey with each other ever since he could remember, the world 'darling' in their lips nothing more than old people in soft love learning cute english nicknames for one another, no such hit behind it as the same word has from his love's lips, punching him straight in the heart, no hesitance, no rescue. He imitates the word in the same tone that his mother says it in, his parroting always succeeding in making Hyunjin laugh.

"I like your hair, darling" he speaks, fingers still tangled in the mess behind his head, word still so deliciously raw and stern on his tongue. "Such a pretty colour on you."

  He dyed his hair not so long ago, an impulse he spontaneously had in the middle of the night after Hyunjin found their old pictures from high school and admitted that he always thought any shade of blonde looked 'so good on you, Innie, couldn't tear my gaze away from you, my baby'. He went to Felix for help, he and Hyunjin staying for the night, his best friend observing from his seat in the shower in the crumpled bathroom, commenting every now and then, his hair always professionally dyed, reasoned from his middle school antics when he got his hands on bleach and quite literally bleached hair out of his scalp. He asked Jeongin just once why he chose that shade, silent add on 'your hair in the picture was so much lighter than this'. He smiled at him, shrugging his shoulders before Felix stilled him with a slap to his shoulder, having to physically hold his head to stop him from turning to Hyunjin anytime he said anything. 'Just thought it would look cool ', he said, real reason the secret between the sky and himself.

"It reminds me of sunshine" his roommate smiles at him, the prettiest thing in this crowded club.

"Thank you" and then, because he's a greedy man; "I love you too, darling."

 

  Later, when they're separating into their rooms, Jeongin's hand lingering on any part of Hyunjin's body in his reach, no other human being but them in the apartment, Hyunjin cocks his eyebrow at him, leaning on his doorframe. 

"What stage do you think we're in, by the way?"

"Pardon?" he tilts his head, his mind still in goo state from all the daydreaming material from this night.

"Stage of marriage. I think we're honeymoon" his smile cocky on his face, searches Jeongin's face carefully with his eyes, dark in the night, moonlight not strong enough to light them up. Jeongin smiles back, a little sadder than Hyunjin, cheeks hurting from all the grinning

"We've got the vows to exchange yet" he quips, fingers hooking mindlessly in loops of Hyunjin's jeans, nothing more than a toy to fiddle with. "We haven't even said 'I love you's."

"Would you say that to me?" Hyunjin asks him after a while, his smirk faltering a little, pinky finger curling around Jeongin's. In his voice is a little bit of uncertainty, somewhere at the far back of his throat, something Jeongin doesn't notice because of the alcohol and love-high still in his system, a detail that wouldn't normally miss his mind.

"Of course, Jinnie. I love you."

"Mm. Goodnight."

 

— pretending to be ordinary —

 

"If we get caught I'm kissing you."

  A threat, technically at most because in his lips it was more of a wish than anything else. Hyunjin rolls his eyes at him, a little too fidgety for the small space they're sharing.

  Hiding under the desk, two of them against the world (or rather Chan, the one that was the seeker in their spontaneous childish play), only source of light from Jeongin's perspective coming from the glow in Hyunjin's eyes. They're facing each other, a little too uncomfortably in the small space they were sharing, one of Hyunjin's socked feet resting on Jeongin's shoulder as he caresses his shin with one of his hands, his silver ring gliding over his skin smoothly, rest of their limbs tangled together.

  It was all Jisung and Felix's idea.

  Not a complicated story, started by bickering between the two of them about which one was better at the game of hide and seek, quickly transforming into a full blown competition after Hyunjin and Minho protested they also wanted to play.

  The winner gets to pick next restaurant they go to meet it, something they usually decide by Chan writing all propositions down on pieces of paper and drawing one of them. Easiest way to do so in a large group like theirs with such different tastes.

  Minho and Jisung got banned from hiding away together, at least a little mercy on their oldest's eyes. Jeongin doubts they'll obey, Minho probably more set on making Chan suffer than he was before the rule was introduced.

  The technicality that they can't both win is forgotten by Hyunjin the second the game starts, taking his roommate's hand in his before dragging him away from everyone. No better place to play than Changbin's house, spatial enough for each of them to hide in different rooms; and yet here they are, curled under a desk in one of the offices and Jeongin feels as if his heart's going to jump out of his chest any given second, hand not on Hyunjin's leg pressing into older's lips, Hyunjin's own one on Jeongin's in return, both smiling like idiots, willing the other to go ahead and break and laugh.

"Am I supposed to be scared?" Hyunjin teases, breath warm and damp on Jeongin's palm, something most people would find gross but he's not like other people, Hyunjin's not like other people so why would he care.

  Maybe Jeongin's the one who should be scared, fear should wash over him at the realization how much devotion and appreciation he has for the other man, how much was he ready to risk and how much of himself he could dedicate for anything he asked of him.

"What if I want you to kiss me?" Hyunjin quips again and Jeongin's blood runs cold, so used to the game of pretend he didn't even flinch. Sometimes he wonders if he should go ahead and audition for a drama, the expert in hiding his true feelings he is. He kept eye contact unwavering, only indication to what was going on inside his head being his hand halting on Hyunjin's leg, fingers playing with the hem of his sock, shifting his weight the best he could in position he was in in this crumpled space.

"Then I guess I have to come up with something else to keep your mouth shut" he snips back, bad choice of wording coming back to him the second Hyunjin's grin widened behind his palm.

"In that case you can just kiss me now" he winks at him, hand not on Jeongin's lips coming to rest on his bent knee. "Best way to shut me up, from personal experience. 100% guaranteed effectiveness." 

  Jeongin blinks, takes in a deep breath to calm himself down, willing his brain to hold out for a few more moments.

"Wanna kiss me that bad?" he challenges his roommates, playing hard to get even if his brain screams at him to take his chance and kiss the daylight out of the man in front. Hyunjin leans forward, Jeongin's hand now changing from hovering over to resting on his lips. Typical response would be to jerk it back but Jeongin's body had been trained to take in any chance to touch Hyunjin it can.

"And what are you going to do about it if I say yes?"

  The answer would be, obviously, to grab him by his neck and kiss him the way he's always wanted to since their eyes met for the very first time. He would press their foreheads together, he's pretty sure Hyunjin's fingers would grasp the hair on his nape with the obsession he has over it, brows furrowed as he lets him go for only seconds to catch their breath before pulling him back in.

  He's thought about it more than he would deem appropriate for their relationship status — not something very best-friend-roommate of him, but in the darkness of the night when the only company are the stars, he's allowed to sink into his deepest darkest desires, guilt becoming the problem of future Jeongin.

  And maybe, just maybe, he would act on it, with the way Hyunjin was closer to him than he should be without realizing how much of a strain it's becoming for Jeongin's poor heart—

  But the Gods were watching over his favourite, moment of sweet intimacy broken before it started, sudden banging on the surface over their heads ripping them out of the little bubble they created. Hyunjin jumped up, yelping when he hit his head on the desk above. Jeongin's brain had yet to process the situation, still circling around the thing that just happened between the two of them, the thing he almost did.

  What scared him was coming face to face with Chan, upside down with a huge grin, older man lying down on the desk and hanging his head to greet them in a weird, creepy way. Horror material.

"Found you" he says, as if they didn't guess that already. A second head joins him, startling the roommates again, Jeongin bringing his hand to his heart. Changbin smirks at them, clearly proud of the reaction he got out of them. "Binnie got out first. You're second."

"Ahh, I really thought we had a chance" Hyunjin whines, hands entwined behind his head. They were on their way to the living room, taking their time, Changbin sticking with Chan for companionship. Jeongin had to crack every joint in his body after they finally managed to slide out from under the desk, his back still making him miserable, aftereffects of almost fifteen minute stay in a little space they had. Hyunjin joked at him about him getting too old for games like that; Jeongin shut him up by reminding him how Hyunjin groans anytime he has to get up off couch. Apparently, kissing isn't the only way.

"Jinnie, in any movie you've ever seen, does hiding under a desk ever work out for anyone?"

"For main characters it does" he pouts, turning away from him with a puff.

"Well we're not the main characters then."

  If they were, Hyunjin'd already be his. He's figured out long ago that he's just a side line character in someone else's story and he's had enough time to come to acceptance with it.

  Maybe that's not really correct. He's not a main character, but Hyunjin is one without a doubt. Jeongin is a background character in Hyunjin's book and he'll gladly take the role he was given, being present in Hyunjin's life in any way enough to make him remotely happy. He'd be scared to audition for the role of the lover, settling for being roommate's with a smile on his face and quick heartbeat. The author doesn't like him enough to put the label of the lover on him, but likes him nonetheless if he's existing in the universe by Hyunjin's side. He's not the author's favourite, but he's not disliked either.

  Living room was empty, obviously, music they played previously on the speakers gone now that no one's been in here for a while. Hyunjin throws himself on the couch and sighs, Jeongin sitting next to him, ignoring all the empty furniture around them. Magnetism. Hyunjin seems content with it, reaching out for him and pulling down to rest his head on his chest, arms uselessly resting at his sides. Butterflies come to life, eyes closing.

"Mm, your hair smells nice" his best friend hums, nose buried in his bleached hair. Jeongin's hands come up to wrap around him, smile hurting his cheeks. Of course Hyunjin likes the scent of his shampoo, he made sure to choose one to his liking. 

  Only one lamp was lit up, the one next to the couch on the opposite of them, light dim in big room. With his eyes closed, wrapped around Hyunjin with older humming some melody that came to his mind he felt himself slowly falling asleep, mind coming out of state of alert, reality changing slowly to dreams.

"You said you'd kiss me" wakes him up, though he wasn't asleep yet, hovering over the border of Morpheus' land. There's a hand in his hair, something he didn't notice before — for the first time he thinks Hyunjin has a weird obsession with his hair. Matching ring to his tangles in one of the sunshine coloured strands, something Hyunjin quickly takes care of before it manages to pull at him painfully.

"Huh?" he murmurs, sleepiness heavy on his eyelids, pleasant hum taking over his thoughts.

"You said you'd kiss me if we lost" Hyunjin repeats, some kind of complaint in his voice. Jeongin's too tired to worry about it. 

  He has half a mind to just ignore it, but his best friend pokes his side, snatching him back to reality for a second. He looks up at him, brows furrowed in fake anger as their eyes meet. Hyunjin has a face of determination, the same one he puts on when he's sitting in front of a canvas in the middle of the night, deaf to Jeongin's pleads to go to sleep, content on finishing any piece he started.

"Can we call it a loss if we weren't found first?" he sighs, mad that he got ripped out of his almost-sleep. He shifts a little, nose pressing into Hyunjin's sternum like his cheek did earlier.

"Well, we didn't win, so yes, it is a loss."

  He hums, no response ready, melting into heat radiating off Hyunjin's body. His pillow moves around causing him to groan, lifting his head up. Hyunjin's still observing him.

"If I kiss you will you let me sleep?"

  He nods, eyes burning holes in him. Jeongin moves up, one of his hands repositions to rest on his roommate's chest as he lifts himself up to lean over his face. He places a peck on his cheek, pleasantly warm, before dropping back down to previous position with a huff. Hyunjin's hands move to his back, no response coming. So it is 100% guaranteed effectiveness.

  Seungmin won the bet. Jisung protested it was because of favouritism, as if he wasn't caught because he and Minho made a ruckus inside the closet they were hiding in — Chan said he found them with Minho's pants halfway down after Jisung banged his head on the doors and made too much noise. Felix got too cocky, something he admitted himself, strolling down the hallways and stumbling into Changbin, no knowledge about his friend's alliance with the oldest. They found Seungmin by combining their forces (without Hyunjin and Jeongin, that is, the duo fast asleep on the couch), napping on kitchen's hanging cupboards. How? He doesn't tell his secrets.

 

— no, it's yours —

 

"I'll suck your dick if we win this."

  Somewhere in the background Minho whistles.

  They were at Felix's, couple of beers per person in, and they were competing in Just Dance in pairs. A little unfair if you ask the most of the group, three of them dancing competitively for living, but Jeongin forgot about that detail when Hyunjin threw the proposition at him — clearly a joke, but boy did it have the gears in his brain moving.

"You broke him!" Felix laughs, complains and Jeongin sends him a glare across the room. He and Seungmin finished their round already, getting and 86 of of a 100 — not bad for an amateur Minnie is, but definitely beatable.

"Bet" he turns to his roommate, saving the moment in his memory instead of dwelling on it while with seven other people in room with him. A thought for future Jeongin to ponder over. Hyunjin smiles at him, reaching out his hand for a fist bump, lacing their fingers together and pulling Jeongin to get in front of the TV.

  Jeongin isn't the best dancer, not even good in comparison to Minho, Hyunjin and Felix, but he could get a nice 100 in a Just Dance performance if he tried hard enough — and Hyunjin made sure he was giving his best. He literally trained him during nights after dance practice, using the privilege of being Minho's friend and staying in studio after hours, calling Jeongin over to stay and practice. Jeongin never understood why, it's not like they played nearly often enough and it's always just been a friendly competition, but the sessions have been always fun so he never really complained or refused. 

"We've practiced for this" Hyunjin puts his forehead to his, his hand cupping Jeongin's as he takes in a deep breath. Jeongin just smiles stupidly. It was kind of dumb and funny, seeing how much Hyunjin cared about a little rivalry with their friends, but also endearing and cute and it's not like he's the only one that cares so much about it.

  And the losers had do go and get them more beer, something none of them were very keen on.

"What's the song of your choice" Changbin asks, kneeling in front of the TV with the remote. Hyunjin grins at him.

"Cake. Kard."

  Jeongin's blood ran cold. Oh God.

  How could possibly a person be an angel and devil in one and same?

"I'm taking girl" he hand the other remote to his partner, smiles at him cutely. "You alright with that, right?"

  He was not alright.

  They've practiced it, sure, but it was in private first of all, and mostly it consisted of Hyunjin teaching him the parts he'd dance. He's seen Hyunjin dance girl's part before, sure, but that itself was a little too much — once Minho danced it with him to show Jeongin how it looks put together, and seeing the dance in it's full form did things to Jeongin he'd never speak about aloud, Jisung no better, sitting next to him with mouth and eyes wide. Later they did the full choreography together once and Jeongin didn't fully go back to himself until a couple of long hours later. God tested him that day, and he should know Jeongin is not his strongest soldier.

"Sure" he lets out a shaky breath, world spinning a little around him. He made eye contact with Seungmin, one brow raised, bringing him back to reality. He had to stop himself from slapping his own cheek, reaches out for the remote. Hyunjin lets out a little 'yay'. "No problem, none at all."

"We got this" Hyunjin reaches out a fist bump again, now standing in front of the screen. Everything went too fast, Jeongin suddenly realises, wiping his overly sweaty palms on his jeans before bumping his roommate. "You remember it?"

"Yeah" his voice is small.

"Hold up, Innie knows it?" Felix brings the mercy on him, giving him a few more seconds to get himself together. It's just a dance. An overly sexual dance that had a bad effect on him, but a dance nevertheless.

"Yeah, taught him the routine for fun" Jeongin would not call it fun, rather stress inducing, but sure, if that's what he believes. "He's really goo at it" he winks at him and Jeongin this he's gonna die tonight. The song at his funeral is going to be 'Cake' by KARD and Hyunin'll dance on his grave. 

"Playing it" he hears Changbin. Hyunjin grabs him around the shoulders and turns, puts him in position, back to back. He feels like his legs are stuck to the floor and Hyunjin will kill him if he won't move. He'll kill him and then dance on his grave. Maybe Minho will join him too, to fulfil the performance.

  But then the first beats are playing, a little too loud, something neighbours would get mad over if Felix's didn't choose the best possible options with people their age all around. He doesn't want to imagine what his and Hyunjin's elderly neighbours would think if they heard 'Don't let a bite go to waste, no leftovers, even my icing' in the middle of the night.

  The first beats start playing, Hyunjin taps him on his butt reassuringly and they raise their heads and turn around to the rhythm, Hyunjin in front and suddenly he feels like he can do it, he can do it and he'll kill this performance.

  Before he turns around like he was taught, his eyes meet Chan's as he raises thumbs up, bringing him a little peace. He faces the TV and Hyunjin's next to him, crouching when the 'ayy' comes. The song just started and he already feels too hot.

  Hand moves are easy enough, Hyunjin raises with his hands and walks in front of him. He catches a glimpse of his face and he hasn't seen his so serious in a while.

  First moves are the same for both of them. Jeongin keeps his face steady, but from all the practices they went through he knows Hyunjin's mouthing the words, matching faces of performers. He promised himself to keep his eyes on the screen to make his own life a little less miserable, but knowledge of what Hyunjin looks like during dancing disrupting his resolution and he glances at him during the hand-rubbing motion and he should have not, because Hyunjin looks too hot and it's not even the worst part.

  Dim light from ceiling lamp catches on his eyelashes. Jeongin's breath stutters — it doesn't have the same effect as sunlight does, but on Hyunjin everything looks too pretty to be true.

  Maybe Jeongin's brain is lovesick enough to overwrite anything regarding his roommate. He wouldn't even be surprised at that point.

  They switch sides and then their parts differentiate and Jeongin has to look down to do the part correctly and Jesus Christ it's so close to grinding and he can feel his whole face going red. If anyone notices, they'll never let him live it down.

  It's Hyunjin's part and Jeongin puts his hand on his shoulder, keeping his eyes on the little dudes dancing on the TV. Then he has to bring his hands down to his hips and it's the first time the Just Dance choreography is different than what Hyunjin's taught him. During their own little practices he'd put both his palms there, but here he's supposed to put only one so they loose their first points. He winces, but Hyunjin doesn't seem to notice or at least doesn't react to it.

  They raise their hands up, his roommate squeezes his before letting go as they separate. Jeongin feels hot all over, but his hands get cold.

  Next move is the first killer.

  They both need to crouch down, but Hyunjin stay longer as Jeongin moves to his back and then Hyunjin's laying on the floor, their friend's whistling filling up the buzz in Jeongin's head. He kneels, Hyunjin gracefully grabs his hand to graciously stand up and he gets a second to breathe. It's the first time they make eye contact and his partner's eyes turn softer for the duration of it before turning sharp for the next move. He's been doing so also during their dance practices and it's probably Jeongin's favourite part.

  Separating again for the rap part, choreographers take mercy on Jeongin's mental state as he gets to turn around, avoiding meeting eyes with any of the men watching them. He hears someone snicker. He turns around and focuses on his moves rather than anything else, the shoulder part has always been more of a problem. It comes out a little wonky but it's good enough.

  Second killer.

  He moves behind Hyunjin, older singing quietly along with the vocalist. They bend down in opposite directions, coming back to each other before Jeongin has to put his hands behind his head and thrust hips forward into Hyunjin. He squints his eyes, move thankfully short, but not short enough to spare him from embarrassment and blood circulating faster.

  He reaches his arms out under Hyunjin's armpits, his best friend stretches his open and they sway together, audience erupts, before holding hands again and there it goes, Hyunjin turns his front to him, head facing TV as he raises his leg up for Jeongin to hold and he shakes his fucking ass and there's still two minutes left. Audience screams louder, cracking a smile from Hyunjin

  Change of positions, chorus again and he can turn off his brain for a little while. He can do it, he's a fighter, he's a survivor, and he'll drop dead the second music ends.

  With chorus ending they do the grinding part again, lord have mercy, stop in music before verse two and then Changbin starts rapping along with J.Seph and it wrings out a laugh from all of them, he gets disturbed a little while Hyunjin maintains perfect moves even though he laugh too. Their moves match again, Hyunjin explained to him when they were learning that it's not how it is in actual choreography but Just Dance changed it for aesthetics. Both their parts are girl's now, Jeongin's moves way stiffer than his partners but could've been worse.

  Before rap ends, comes killer number three.

  Jeongin lies down on the floor, hands behind his head and eyes locked on the ceiling. Just don't look at Hyunjin.

  His partner stands over him and crouches down, hips swaying and when they first put it together Jeongin blanked out for the rest of the song. 

  He has to lift his hips up and move it in a circle along with Hyunjin. He's going crazy. Everything gets hazy.

  He gets to get up fairly quickly, not how it went the first time, and on the next move he stands behind him again and they move opposite ways just like before, this time facing each other. He avoids eye contact focusing his eyes on the wall on the opposite, Hyunjin pushes him away lightly, barely touching him, repeat of earlier move and he stands behind him again. Detailed hand choreography, something to focus on before next part comes.

  Killer four.

  Similar to earlier, he grabs Hyunjin by his knee but this time they both sink to the floor, something Jeongin always found impressive for the girl's part. Hyunjin pushes him away in a slapping motion and then Jeongin has to quickly move around to the front of him as his partner turns around, covering part for both men. Hyunjin's hand taps his chin, they stand up. Chorus. A little different than before but simple enough.

  Next rap part and he knows his part is technically girl's again, but nothing too crazy. Hyunjin kneels in front of him, facing him and Jeongin stops believing in God for a second as he always does during this part, he switches to man's again and Hyunjin does side hip thrust again, resemblance of other move, Jeongin with hands behind his head. Chorus comes quickly but it's the focal point of the whole choreography.

  This is the killer that ends his life.

  He's going to faint, buzz growing louder, eyes hazy.

  He stands behind Hyunjin, prays because he needs it to stay sane, then it happens.

  Hyunjin's hip thrusting, wow, but then he drops to the floor on all fours, ass up and Jeongin reaches out his hand and hovers it over him. Muscle memory kicks in because he really feels like he's going to lose control of his body, face on fire when their hips sway together in the same direction, sometimes in circles. All their friends scream.

  He really deserves to get his dick sucked for they way he held himself sane.

  Killer five has two hit so he moves to the side, facing away from the screen, Hyunjin on the floor and he pushes his hips up to the rhythm of the beat like Jeongin does with his fists pumping up in the air. Reaches down and pulls Hyunjin up but it's not done yet, as much as he wishes it would be.

  His partner is at his front, quick arm work and then he's grinding on him again and Jeongin has to look down to match choreography and he swears he won't sin ever again if he gets out of this a mentally stable man.

  Last seconds, easier part, matching and they're done.

  He collapses to the floor on his back, worn out, breathing heavy and he could kiss Changbin when he crawls over to check on him. Hyunjin throws himself over him like a weighted blanket. He grunts but smiles, both of them grossly sweaty but he gives him a high five. They're done and he can sit on the couch with a blanket for the rest of the night, uncomfortable surely because he's way too hot but he can chill out for now.

  His roommate steals half a blanket from him, weird considering his blood runs hot especially after performances but oh well who is he to judge.

  They get a nice 93, placing them on first place before Minho and Jisung beat them with a 97. They've probably practiced too, the bastards, choreography of Enhypen's 'Bite me' done almost perfectly. The worst score is 68, Changbin and Chan, but they all had fun during it and could make fun of them when they left for their penalty.

"So do you want me to suck your dick in reward?" Hyunjin beams at him and he punches his shoulder, ears red.

 

— you can leave yourself to me —

 

"I AM SO HAPPY I COULD KISS YOU RIGHT NOW!!"

  Sure, it's not like Jeongin has anything against it.

"Why? What did you do?" Jisung leans over his shoulder, curiously peeking at the package in Hyunjin's hands.

"Tickets! He got me tickets to the Troye Sivan show!"

"No way!" Felix screams, pouncing on Hyunjin immediately, latching onto his neck. Mouth wide open they both stare at the piece of paper, Hyunjin's eyes shifting between it and his roommate. Jeongin feels his lips curve up in a proud smile, hands crossed over his chest. Best gift of the century. "No you did not!"

"But I so did" his smile widens. Of course he did. Hyunjin hadn't shut up about the show ever since the announcement came. Jeongin was lucky enough to know Hyunjin couldn't afford the tickets since he was saving up for a car ('cause it's not like Hyunjin literally whined about it in his arms for a week straight).

  He knew he had to step up his game for Hyunjin's birthday this year. On Jeongin's he got him a pair of shoes he's wanted for the longest time and a deeply personalized little goods (like a letter he'd written from his heart that Jeongin kept in a drawer beside his bed).

  Getting gifts for Hyunjin has never been an easy task. For others? Sure, but when it came to his best friend it sometimes felt like he was going into warzone.

  First ever gift was a CD of a group he and Hyunjin both liked. Well, at least that's what he thought before Felix told him Hyunjin is not in fact a fan. Confusing, since they both had conversations about all their songs, but apparently Hyunjin found out about his music taste from Minho and listened to his favourite band on repeat to have something to start a conversation about. Looking back, it wasn't Hyunjin's music taste at all, so it must've been a hard task for him. Jeongin never told him he found out.

  One of his favourite memories to this day; Hyunjin cared about him ever since the beginning.

  Nothing more he could ask for.

"I can't believe you actually got it" smile of Hyunjin's face is the biggest one he has seen in a while. Best 'thank you' he could ever get. "This is— I don't know how to thank you—"

"Blow him" Minho deadpans and Jeongin shoulders him, ears going red.

"Maybe I will, damn" heat over his neck. Minho's teaching Hyunjin bad habits.

"It's a gift, Jinnie" he clears his throat, shifts a little, fiddles with his hands. Jisung gets off his back and sits next to Minho; he still feels too hot, even without the weight of the other man on his back. "You don't have to thank me."

  Hyunjin shakes his head, gaze glued to the ticket.

"I don't have any words" he whispers and from his spot across him Jeongin recognizes tears gathering in his eyes. It's not even like he sees them — he just knows Hyunjin well enough to recognize and predict his reactions. Behind him, on the couch, Chan shifts but before anyone else can move Jeongin's getting up from the floor, alarmed, hands flailing around him as he quickly makes his way to his best friend. He crouches next to him, hand splayed on his back as Hyunjin hides himself behind his own arm.

  He's always been the emotional one in their group.

  Sometimes they jokingly called him overly dramatic, but there never was any heat behind their words.

  He's been that way ever since they met for the first time; allegedly, even before, from what Felix told them.

  From stories Jeongin knows Hyunjin once cried himself to hyperventilation because he saw a butterfly with damaged wing. A bug, which would've died probably a couple days later. Sure, he himself might've felt sad a little, but never to the that point. Other time, apparently, he cried because Seungmin told him he was craving something specific for lunch; he himself doesn't even remember what it was. Hyunjin wanted to treat him to it, only to find out it was sold out. He held himself together, but the second they met up again, he cried buckets and started apologizing to Seungmin as if he at least drove his dog over. Over food.

  Jeongin himself had more than a handful of chances to witness Hyunjin's overly emotional side. When they were still kids, whenever they came across a missing pet poster, Hyunjin would take pictures of them only to spend the rest of his day looking for them. Jeongin always accompanied him, because how could he not, primarily because the possibility of Hyunjin falling down some stairs or getting lost was far too great (as if Jeongin himself wasn't one to do so), but also because it was best excuse to spend as much time as possible with the older.

  Even now, far too old and busy to have nearly enough spare time, Hyunjin still had a folder in his gallery with photos of flyers in any case he'd come across one of the pets. 

'Don't you think it's stupid of him to cry like that over someone else's inconvenience? ' Minho once asked him, both of them staying back while Hyunjin went to help some kids retrieve their kite. Just a while before, he sobbed over a sight of spilled strawberries on the side of the pavement, explaining through his tears how some mother must've worked so hard to buy them, happy to bring a surprise for her kids back at home and how she must now feel horrible and like she's a bad mother— they spent a good couple minutes calming him down and explaining that probably it was just a harmless accident. 'Maybe' he responded, watching his best friend return lost kite to the kids with a smile on his face. 'But he's got a big heart, and we need more of that in this world.' 

  (Minho made fun of him for days.)

"It's stupid to cry over a ticket" he hears from behind them. It may sound mean, but there's this fondness in Minho's tone; the one always present whenever he 'feels big feelings' as Jisung puts it. Or when he talks about his cats.

"You told me you're not crying today" Jeongin says, hand patting Hyunjin's back, head tilted to observe him as he wipes his tears away. Felix's on the other side, worry on his face along with a reassuring smile in a way only he can do so, ticket now in his hands to save it from wetness.

"I'm sorry—" he hiccups. "I just— I-It's the nicest thing-g—"

  Duality of this man is insane.

  How can someone be so strong and sure of himself on the outside, but on the inside be just so soft and vulnerable?

"Jinnie, it's literally just a—umph—" air gets punched out of him, someone's weight draping over his back. Then comes the next, then someone's hand accidentally slaps his shoulder and there's someone laying over their laps. Rest of the group hugs around them, Changbin's arms tight around their waists while Seungmin's touch is so light as if he doesn't want to touch them. Jisung's cheek presses to his, forcing his neck to crane uncomfortably and he bonks his head with Hyunjin's, Minho's elbow is digging into his thigh a little too painfully from where he lays on his lap, Felix's palm rests on his nape because that's the only way he can embrace him from the other side of Hyunjin; Chan waits a little, probably with that fond little smile of his he has anytime a moment gets a little too soft before he shouts happily, throwing himself on Changbin's back, causing all of them to huff in annoyance, embrace getting a little tighter.

  Hyunjin laughs first and Jeongin can't help but do the same, voices joining them and even Seungmin chuckles, tears forgotten, Hyunjin's emotions switching faster than Changbin's cravings.

  Jeongin always tells himself he's the happiest with Hyunjin by his side, but in moments like this he thinks that maybe it's not just about him; maybe he'd never feel this strongly if not for all of them, as annoying as they can be.

  Maybe, if God likes him enough, maybe he'll spend all his lives with not only Hyunjin, but rest of their friends together. Even if not reborn human, he hopes they'll stick by each other's sides.

—

  Of course, Hyunjin also cries when he's happy.

  Whenever he feels big feelings — is that how Jisung would describe it?

"This is so not happening" he gasps beside him, mouth hidden behind his hands as first beats of 'My My My! ' start playing. At least that's what Jeongin thinks it is — it's the only song he knows, the one Hyunjin screams repeatedly to when it's his turn to choose the music.

"There's no point in being here if you don't think it's real" he deadpans, voice loud to outshout the music. Hyunjin ignores him, maybe he didn't even register he was saying something, too busy shouting first verses along with the singer.

  Hyunjin looks pretty.

  Well, shocker, he always does, but Jeongin could say he's used to the Sun shining on him — yes, it still does take his breath away, but it's a sight he's blessed with every day.

  Now, he finds, blue light suits Hyunjin even more.

  It's moving too frantically to let him grasp the full concept, egging him on to try and capture it. Lighter in shade but strongly pigmented, leaning a little on the green; and it somehow suits Hyunjin's aura more than perfectly.

  Maybe he truly is more than human, looking beautiful even in unusual colours. Maybe Jeongin's just hopelessly in love.

  Someone bumps into him and doesn't even apologize, and it's not that Jeongin is pissed in any way or wants an apology, he's just a little curious. And he has to get his attention away from the man at his side before he drops to his knees and begs him to allow him to bring every beautiful thing in known universe to him so it can adore him, because only the finest things can compare to him.

  He needs to stop watching movies with Felix.

  He turns to whoever crashed into him and it's like he meets a mirror.

  He can't see the girl's full face, only her profile but it's enough to recognize look in her eyes that mimics his own. There's other girl at the end of the line of her gaze, jumping up and down to the rhythm and screaming lyrics along with the singer, just like Hyunjin does on his left, and it's the first time Jeongin understands how recognizable love is.

  All feelings he has ever felt, he sees in this girl. Everything unspoken, tugging at his heart, is mirrored in her eyes and he really hopes he's not as obvious as her or that Hyunjin's as oblivious as he seems.

  Hands grab at his shoulders, bringing him out of his thoughts and the next thing he registers is Hyunjin screaming next to him just like everyone around them, just like the other girl.

"I die every night with you!" he yells and Jeongin yells along with him, his hands cupping his best friend's, lyrics etched into his mind.

  Hyunjin sings it for the singer, Jeongin sings it for him. Maybe it's the motto of his feelings.

"Oh my, my, my!" light changes to purple and Jeongin mourns the blue for a second before he gets to melt over the new look. Every new colour brings new feelings and Jeongin's not ready yet for all of the shades. "Living for your every move!"

  In their case it would be Hyunjin dancing. It would be, because all Hyunjin needs to do is walk and Jeongin's already ruined through and through.

  Heart feeling too big, he shifts his gaze back to the girl; she's the breath of fresh air he takes when he 'feels big feelings' (he will scream if Jisung doesn't get out of his mind). When Hyunjin becomes too much for him to handle, he can glance at her to see the same devotion that reminds him of them — he doesn't feel guilty for not using all the chances he gets, because it's like watching himself and Hyunjin from 3rd perspective. She meets him, expression soft like his was when he was observing her. She smiles at him, raises her fists. 'Fighting', she mouths.

  Lights change back to blue and now he's the one mimicking her, twin smile on his lips.

  So he is that obvious.

  He just hopes Hyunjin is that oblivious.

   

— yeah, i'm ready to be yours —

 

"Baby, will be mine"

  He feels like he's let himself get dragged to outings a little too often lately.

  All the alcohol in his system makes his mind a little too foggy. He probably shouldn't reach for next glass, Chan eyeing him with concern, but how can he really blame him when Hyunjin is looking him straight in the eyes and singing to him?

  A romantic song, to add to his misery.

"In my two hands" he inches a little closer, puts a hand on his arm. "I'll make you born"

  Hyunjin is drunk, obviously, if red tint on his ears and on the bridge of the nose was any indication. It still doesn't justify picking out that song out of every possible one and holding eye contact thorough all of it.

  Every one of them went through a song already, Jeongin singing his heart out along with Changbin to 2PM's 'Heartbeat' and Jisung (featuring drunk Felix dancing) did an amazing performance on 'Beautiful Things' (simply most amazing performance of whole day) before killing the audience again after singing 'Good Day' with his boyfriend. How can that man say he's a rapper, he doesn't know. Hyunjin also gave his shot already, doing backup vocals for Minho's 'Love me or Leave me' (he and Jisung matched each other perfectly, the bastards) and then covering Day6's 'You were beautiful' along with Seungmin (he got bullied into singing it).

  It was all going oh so wonderfully, until he grabbed the microphone, pointed at Jeongin and yelled 'This one's for you, Innie! '.

  It was one of his favourite songs, fair enough, but he honestly never expect Hyunjin to pull out a stunt like that. He didn't even think Hyunjin payed enough attention to notice it (he played it every car ride and whenever he got their speaker in his hands, so Hyunjin must've been of a really low intelligence not to notice it).

"Little by little, what shows is your silhouette"

  His fingers twitch around cold glass, he coughs as he fidgets with the edge of his shirt.

"Can I ruin you?"

  And how can he ask Jeongin this question as if he didn't already ruin him? Hyunjin ruined him all over in every aspect of his life and there was no coming back. He ruined his innocence, his self awareness, ability to fall in love ever again. He was ruined throughout and there was no turning back, all he sees bringing thoughts of his man; every time he looks at Sun, flowers, beauty of life. All that is his is Hyunjin's, his sense of self crumpled as Hyunjin is a part of his being and if he ever left him, he'd take his reason for living.

"You already have" he mouths because he can't say it out loud, under his breath and Hyunjin furrows his brows but Jeongin points the microphone at himself, sings "I'll just go where my hands take me, yeah" before turning Hyunjin around and pushing him towards the little stage their booth had, Changbin crouching there, welcoming him back by excitedly shaking his tambourine. He's never thought someone could look so intimidating with a tambourine in hand.

  Seungmin takes his attention away from his roommate for a second, Hyunjin already turned to face him again. He forces his head sideways with a hand, cutting their eye contact, and Jeongin would get mad at him if it didn't allow him to catch a much needed breath.

"You're singing next one with me" he lets go of him, bringing up his lit phone screen. Another song he liked. He hopes it'll get his mind cleared.

  He nods before his attention gets snapped back to Hyunjin, who began the post-chorus — his favourite part — and he wonders if Hyunjin could ever predict Jeongin likes this particular song so much because of how much lyrics remind him of them.

"Baby will be mine" he sings quietly along, his hand pointing at Hyunjin like the other's does. They smile at each other, Hyunjin breaks eye contact to twirl, showman he is. "Baby, will be mine."

"You're being obvious" Felix tells him, back from the brief trip he took with Jisung to brink new drinks. He reaches his hand for beer in his hand, but Felix swats it away and pushes a water glass into his chest, spilling a little on his chest. He whines and gets elbowed. What a cruel world it is. "You're way over the limit" his friend scolds him, only to coo at his misery next. "To think what love makes out of you, Innie~"

  Now he's the one to get elbowed, a little too harshly but honestly he deserves that for making Jeongin the hopeless romantic he is.

  Hyunjin's in front of him.

  Theoretically, Jeongin knows how Hyunjin gets when he's drunk. He knows he doesn't like when attention is being taken off him and Jeongin can only blame himself for having Hyunjin standing over him, a pout on his lips as he grabs his jaw to bring his eyes back on himself.

  He's the one at fault but it doesn't stop him from hitting Felix again.

"Close and risky" he realises he missed part of the lyrics. He'd hit him again if he didn't already cause him to spill water on himself. Serves him right. "Yeah, pretending to be ordinary."

  He likes the song because it reminds him of them, but this part is speaking to him on levels no other does. Yes, he does pretend to be ordinary. He pretends he wouldn't end all of humanity and himself at this man's wish, not even attempt but full on carry out the order and bring flowers back to him with a 'Thank you'. Their friends know he's whipped, but they aren't even close to realising how insanely down bad he is for that man.

"No, it's yours" like his heart is Hyunjin. His soul, his will, his being. "You can leave yourself to me" goes both ways. He's willing to let Hyunjin have all of him, but he'll take him in with as much appreciation, shielding him from all unworthy.

"Yeah I'm ready to be yours" they sing together, loud and clear.

  He is. He is ready to be Hyunjin's, every single way it means, he's been from the moment they spoke for the first time. He's been ready even before, he's been ready since birth, even earlier, the second his existence was decided he was Hyunjin's. It's the reason why he's here — to be Hyunjin's. He's been his before they existed, he's been his in all the previous lives, he's his now and he'll be his from now to the end of time, from now till the Big Rip and he's going to be his even after.

  It's etched into his story, there's no other reason to his being other than Hyunjin.

"You're so in love it's disgusting" Seungmin says next to him, rolling his eyes. He's the last person of which opinion Jeongin cares about; Seungmin doesn't understand yet, but he'll understand someday. With the way Chan looks at him, it may be earlier than he anticipated.

  He's okay with that. The miserable love-spell switching over to someone else.

  And, well, Seungmin will be happy. He thinks. Maybe that's why he's okay with that in the first place.

"I think I'll tell him tonight" he says instead, and everyone around him goes quiet. Felix whips around so fast he hisses as his neck popped loudly, Jisung chokes on his fruity drink, Seungmin's jaw falls slack. Hyunjin carries on singing, his attention on Changbin's tambourine skills. Chan and Minho thankfully didn't hear him, he thinks.

  That wasn't supposed to get out.

"You should think this over" Felix tells him at the same time Jisung yells "About the fucking time!" and Seungmin frowns, "That's such a bad idea.".

"Felix" he says, looks him dead in the eyes. He looks funny like that, eyes and mouth wide, hair dishevelled. Like a chick. "I've thought this over for the past decade. I really think I had more than enough time to analyse." he turns his head around, matches Seungmin's frown. "Maybe it is a bad idea. But honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I do not give a fuck." then switches over to Jisung wiping his face. He beams at him so he smiles back, hands locking in a tight grip. "Thanks, I knew you'd have my back!"

"Jeongin" Felix turns him around, shakes him. "You—"

"Yongbok" he teases back, tone mocking Felix's serious one. "I've made up my mind."

"You're drunk" he says, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, I am" he smirks, turns his head around to look at his roommate. "Drunk on love" he sing-songs, Seungmin retches from his side, Jisung laughs and Felix groans.

  None of them matter when he meets Hyunjin. It is the time.

"And what'll shed light on you from there" he whispers along, "Is this close and risky moment, I want you to wake me up."

  And the songs doesn't match him anymore.

  He doesn't want to wake up.

—

"Hyunjin" he groans, other man's weight heavy on his shoulder. They both drank too much; got told off by Chan when he was giving them a lift. "I'll sit you down and you'll take your shoes off, okay?"

  His roommate groans in response, obediently taking a seat and starts untying his shoelaces. They both drank about the same amount, but Jeongin sobered up somewhere between Changbin's last solo and Hyunjin nearly falling asleep with his head on his shoulder during the ride.

  He comes back with a glass of water in his hand. Hyunjin toes his shoes off, throwing them somewhere in the hallway. Usually he'd be the one getting upset over it and he'll probably get mad at himself the next day, but he's too out of mind to care about that. At least that's his assumption, seeing as Hyunjin slides down from the bench to the floor, laying on his side as he looks up at him miserably. He sighs.

"You're not up for shower, are you?" Hyunjin shakes his head, pouts. Sometimes he acts more like a child than Jeongin's little brother used to behave at an appropriate age. "Can you change your clothes by yourself?" another shake, another sigh. He reaches his hand out, crouches to pat his hair. "If you get up, I'll help you get dressed, okay? And I'll wipe off your makeup."

  It's not the first time he got like this after drinking. On normal days, normal amount, he'd get clingy and a little childish. On big-drinking days, he's turn into putty to be dragged around by Jeongin, no thoughts of his own.

  Description reminds Jeongin's usual behaviour a little too closely. Hits too close to home.

  Hauling Hyunjin up and into his bed is harder than he'd like it to be. Getting him to strip and helping him dress back up is easier, although it doesn't not go by without red cheeks and eyes jumping all around the room.

"Stay" Hyunjin pouts, makes grabby hands. Jeongin managed to get him under the covers, like he did with his brother whenever he was sick. Never though the experience would come in handy, especially with Hyunjin of al people.

"I'm going to get wet wipes" he says even as he wants nothing more than curl up next to him right this second.

  It feels relaxing to sit next to sleepy Hyunjin, holding his cheek lightly so that his head doesn't lull, eyes looking at him half lidded, gently swiping wipes across his face. Domestic, that's how he would describe it. That's what he wants; the gentleness of it all, sitting next to him, no care in the world, just the two of them and Morpheus lurking in the shadows. How could he ask for more when he has so much already? It's amazing how far their relationship reaches, only missing piece of the puzzle the words 'I love you'.

"I love you" he says. Hyunjin's eyes are closed, a hum every now and then. Makeup's gone but he lets himself linger, watches him as he strokes his cheek. Softness, both in touch and atmosphere.

  Eyes open, there's no silver in them. Hyunjin's always sensitive to the light in this state so he made sure to have all the blinds down. Great loss on Jeongin's side, but there's no hesitation when it comes to Hyunjin's comfort. He hums, hand reaches out from under the covers, grasps his. Silver appears, although not as vivid when it comes in the form of a ring around his finger. They clink together, loud in the silence of the room.

"I love you too" he yawns, fingers entwining with his. "I'm happy you love me too" he babbles, corners of his lips tug into a lazy smile.

"What do you even know" he sighs. This is the fondness Minho feels, he thinks. Big feelings. Maybe he'll let Jisung stay in his head, he'll have someone to talk to about his big feelings.

"I do, I know" Hyunjin responds, slurs a little, tugs at his hand. His eyes close and it shouldn't make Jeongin's heart jump like that. "Sleep with me tonight?"

  Of course he will.

  There's no silver on his eyelashes but in the darkness he can make out the shine of their rings, resting against each other, fingers twisted together all throughout the night.

—

"Did you mean it?" is the first thing he hears in the morning.

  He's not even properly awake.

"Did I mean what?" he asks back, puts a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun. Hyunjin's leaning over him, face in his, eye to eye.

"You said you love me."

  Ah yes, he did.

  Ah, yes. He did.

  He did.

"I mean—" he rubs at his eyes, sits up. Hyunjin follows him, nervously showing his long hair behind his ear like he always does. he chuckles dryly. "We say that all the time, don't we?"

  Hyunjin rolls his eyes as if Jeongin doesn't see his hands shaking. He pats the bed down, eyebrows twitching when he can't seem to find whatever he's looking for. Before Jeongin can ask him about it, he lifts his phone up and flashes the screen to him.

 

     lixie

     did jeongin talk to you?

     ???

     ????

     did he tell ypu????????

??     

tell me what??     

what r you on abt??     

     he didn't??!?

     he said he'd

     >:OOO

what ru on abtt     

felix??     

?     

?     

??     

"I figured" he shrugs when he sees Jeongin trying to put the pieces together. He fiddles with his fingers, focuses his gaze on a painting next to door. "I'm not that forgetful, you know. Even if I'm drunk."

"Oh."

"So?" Jeongin frowns, Hyunjin looks at him as if he's dumb. Shouldn't be as attractive as it is, but with Hyunjin everything's attractive. "Did you mean it?"

  He doesn't say anything. The courage he felt the day before is all gone, left his body with all the drunkenness.

"I did."

  His heart does a flip before he even registers the words.

"You di—"

"I meant it" he shrugs as if saying it is nothing but his eyes refuse to meet Jeongin's, his shoulders shake. "I said I love you and I meant it."

  Oh.

  Oh.

  Oh God.

"So did you mean it or not" Hyunjin's breathing gets rapid. He doesn't know how much time went by since the confession, but he hopes it wasn't too much. It's just not everyday news to find out your above gorgeous best friend, roommate and love of your life does, in fact, love you. "because you're scaring the shit out of me right now and I don't know what to think and like I think you do love me back but like say it, if you mean it that is because if you don't that's okay even if it's not—"

  Hyunjin tastes like peppermint, so he must've been up for some time.

  Jeongin always thought cutting someone off with a kiss was cliché and unrealistic. He himself would get pissed of if someone did that to him and he hated whenever in books or movies they did that.

  But he's just a man and Hyunjin's just so pretty and he has just so little self control and he can't just come up with any other way of shutting Hyunjin up.

  And he's a romantic, and Hyunjin's also a romantic, so what's there to complain about really.

  He always thought his lips would be softer than they are, but that's okay. It's Hyunjin so it's perfect.

  There's a hand in his hair and he goes on autopilot. Hey, the man you basically worship loves you back. Hey, you're kissing him right now. Hey, he's kissing back.

  Helios must be jealous, loosing his favourite lover to a man like him but Sun shining directly in his eyes is nothing to be bothered about. There are only a few thing that could pull him away at that moment and whims of a spoiled god are not even close to doing so. Go cry about it, Helios, Hyunjin has more important things to do than to care about you.

  Every colour looks pretty on Hyunjin, but the mix of golden rays with red tint on his nose is his new favourite.

"I do mean it" he says, voice too loud in the silence but not nearly loud enough to carry the true emotional value of his words. "I meant it then, I mean it now and I'll mean it for as long as you'll have me."

  Hyunjin smiles, prettiest form of it, teeth on display. Purest.

"Can you say it?" he asks in a whisper, rubs his nose on his, all giddy and Jeongin can't help but mirror it. His cheeks hurt already.

"I'm in love with you."

"Cool. Because I think I'm in love with you too."