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Lying next to him, facing each other, he could not be happier, yet so full of sorrow.
Heart aching, beating slowing down, blood circulating slowly through his body, gaze switching between relaxed face of the man in front of him and their tangled hands resting just a little over their heads.
Hyunjin was lying on his side facing him, eyes closed and breathing calm. Ethereal, the way moonlight turned his eyelashes silver, lips parted slightly, calmest he's seen him in a while, his dark hair blending in with blackness of Jeongin's covers, a few stray strands covering parts of his face, Jeongin's fingers twitching to reach out and uncover his beauty, yet so scared to wake him up and disturb his peace.
His neck started to strain, not the best position, laying on his back, other hand resting on the other side of his head and gripping his sheets tightly, head turned sideways to watch Hyunjin sleep.
It was dangerous, scary, the way this one single man had him in a chokehold.
He didn't even need to do anything and fuck, here Jeongin was, a lump in in throat, breathing erratic and uneven, eyes stinging lightly with tears, the longing for something he could never have stronger than ever.
Hyunjin came to him in the evening, complaining about how bored he was, collapsing next to his roommate on his bed where he was reading a book. If you could even call it reading, a romance novel Felix pushed into his hands with demand, his eyes only skipping the words every so often, sentences lost in the tangled mess his brain is, each pretty scene recreating itself in his head, modelling it into his reality, molding the characters so that they'll fit the cases with labels of their names on them. His best friend took one of his earphones out of his ear, sharing so natural and easy between them, turning to his side so that he could look him in the eyes; breath-taking.
He intertwined their hands together, connected only by them and the wire of the earphones, yet becoming one and same thing as his room got darker and darker, sun casting it's last spells on Hyunjin before moon took over it's duty, them not sharing a word, eyes never leaving, caressing one another's hands, silence so loud yet calming between them, lulling Hyunjin to sleep along with tunes of whatever music was playing. Jeongin stopped caring long before, only thing on his mind the name of his one and only, the one he was forbidden from having by Gods themselves, the prettiest thing in the world, the one that was his to protect from the brutality of the world.
He could feel the cold press of the metal of their rings, one tight around his finger, second close to it, belonging to his ethereal love. Rings that they bought so long ago, had to get them fixed to fit around their fingers as they grew up with them, too stubborn since forever to exchange them, the slight change in the shade of the metal avoiding attention of anyone who isn't close enough to them and their friendship, change of the structure known only for them, rings never coming off. No words on them, no engravement, no stones, just silver metal cold to touch if they were apart for to long, just as his heart was whenever he was forced to part their ways for even as short as seconds, even if it was only touch-wise.
Hyunjin's breath hitches, something in his sleep possibly, eyebrows frowning together in reaction ever so slightly.
Jeongin wants so bad to lean forward and kiss the little, barely visible crease, cradle Hyunjin in his arms, head close to his chest, over the heart that belongs to him, has his initials engraved over its whole surface, scarred but burning with fresh pain way too often to be called cured.
He wants to whisper sweet nothings in his ear, run fingers of his other hand over his hair, prettiest shade of the darkness, clashing so beautifully with the lightness of his skin, prettiest combination of shades he's ever knew since he saw him for the first time all those years ago.
Hyunjin squirms, hand twitching in his grasp, his body reacting involuntarily, Jeongin clenching his fingers around Hyunjin's, scared of letting go of him more than anything in the entire world. His whole body turns a little, even in slumber connected on such deep spiritual level he could never fully turn away from him, presence of the other embedded in their bodies like need for water, food and air, a thing they need to stay alive, both in mental and physical sense.
His eyelids twitch before they open, first thing they search for being him and when they meet his eyes, Jeongin never shying away because he's addicted to it, more important to him than vitals, suddenly the world and reality come clashing together on him, doubled, joined forces to bring him back from the realms of his deepest, most secretive desires and thoughts only to have his brain halt at the beauty of eyes staring into his, silver not as vivid as the gold is, hidden like a gem in a dark stone he had to work to sand down to perfection to pull out the full potential of, something only someone devoted to the case with all their being could take time and care to do.
"You look pretty like that, Innie" he mouths, something he doesn't need to hear to understand, their connection putting down roots in deepest and darkest parts of his soul to never be ripped apart, as much a part of his being as Hyunjin's.
Suddenly everything around them gets too hot, even as they're laying on top of his covers, nothing covering his bare legs and arms except for a pair of shorts and a flimsy thrifted T-shirt he uses for sleeping, even if it's so much more uncomfortable than sleeping in only boxers, the lightest possibility of Hyunjin wanting to sleep in the same bed as him forcing him to dress how other would deem comfortable to sleep next to, hand sneaking under the shirt to rest on his stomach any other way, something he does only from the sheer fear Hyunjin will see him in clothes he deems inappropriate to lay down with, and he hates himself for ever thinking Hyunjin could ever treat him so coldly, but as long as the possibility is there, he's not taking it, fear of loosing smallest bits and pieces of their relationship rooted deeper in him than anything else.
World stopped spinning with Hyunjin's words and it started up again the second last syllable got absorbed by Jeongin's brain. Suddenly he breaths fast again, air a little too stuff for his liking, the moon is a little too dark, Hyunjin's usually sharply drawn features out of the reach of his gaze, music blasting in his ears even as it's on the lowest volume bit not one word or note clear enough for him to understand, goose bumps raising on his skin even though he felt too hot moments before, the city is too loud for this hour of night behind the tilted window, Hyunjin's presence suffocating but oh so refreshing at the same time, nothing more he could ask for but yet so many wishes coming to his head at record speed.
He's in love, incurably, painfully in love, more aware of it now than ever before, he's lovesick and the only cure is the blessing of the man in front of him.
His gaze never left Jeongin's, boring holes in the core of him, unblinking.
He knows, he knows everything that's going on in his head, every detailed thought, every smallest and most insignificant reaction and twitch of his body, every secret he thought he kept safely at the bottom of his being, chains and locks coming undone under as little but at the same time as much as the man's singular gaze on him, leaving him bare and open to him, transparent, every bit of him on display, things he didn't know about himself coming to light, metaphorically and literally because this man was the light at the end and the beginning of his tunnel, but he was the one in the middle of it too, and the one in the middles of the middle and so on because Hwang Hyunjin was accompanying him every waking second of his life, he was his every thought, his every choice, his every breath, like a beacon leading him through his life but his ignis fatuus all along, his nemesis and his biggest ally, because Hyunjin was everything he knew and all he needed, the only thing in his brain, every thought and decision he ever had, everything of his being was revolving around this one man, the one he called his love, and Copernicus was right all along because yes, his world was heliocentric, the ethereal being at his eyes his Sun and the only reason he didn't burn was because he devoted his everything to him.
Delicate hand reaches over to him, tucks a wild strand of sunshine coloured hair behind his ear, long fingers caressing the shell of it, moving swiftly to his cheek, burning and cooling it down and nothing shocks him anymore, his thumb resting under his eye, collecting and swiping away at his tears.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he whispers, fondness behind the silver more than what Jeongin's heart could take in, chains breaking into pieces under the devotion he saw shining back at him.
"Like what?" he chokes out, tears flowing freely and steadily, the finger under his eye barely helping but doing it's best, soothing him to the bests of his abilities.
Silence. Hyunjin smiles at him and he thinks it's the end of him.
"Like I'm your everything" he responds and Jeongin raises his hand back up, caressing the one on his cheek, skin on skin, his favourite sensation.
His gaze focuses a little, mind suddenly empty of all words as Hyunjin's eyes hue over, the shine of the moon joining together with shine of raw, bared emotion, defenceless in his hold just like he becomes with him.
His perfect match. His other half.
"Because you are."
And words come out so easily, everything becomes so effortless when Hyunjin is looking at him /like that/.
"Why are you looking at me like I'm your everything?" he asks, smile playing on his lips, beaming through his tears like a beacon of hope.
Hyunjin's smile widens, so pretty in it's naturality and he leans to him, forehead on his, a breath all that's separating the two of them.
"You're so much more than that, Yang Jeongin."
Never breaking eye contact, the most vulnerable they've ever been with one another. In the darkness of the room Jeongin whispers, only response being a hushed 'please' before their lips meet.
It's the best thing he's ever experienced.
A little salty from their tears but each droplet says so much, each one carries the emotions they couldn't portray, unspoken endless praises.
It's when they separate, decades, centuries, eons later that Hyunjin speaks up first, every so often breaking his whisper to peck his lover's lips, Jeongin's thumb caressing his lip in between.
"I love you so much it hurts to see you crying even the happy tears."
"There's nothing in this world or any other that would stop me from being by your side"
"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen"
"You're my Sun, you're my universe—" he's being kissed shut by his best friend, ring cold on his neck where his hand rests.
"You're my Sun" he says but Jeongin shakes his head frantically, arms wrapping around his figure and pulling him closer to himself, legs intertwining. "If I'm your Sun, you're my Rays" a kiss to his temple. "You're the Moon to my Sun" a kiss to his forehead. "You're the Stars to my Sun" a kiss to the top of his head. "You're the Core of my Sun" a kiss to his lips and Jeongin can't stop himself from grabbing at him, everything he ever wanted material in his grasp. He moves his hand to his hair, loose locks a comforting weight on his fingers. He pushes closer as if it were possible, bodies as close as atoms let them.
Short kisses, long kisses, nothing mattered as long as he has his lover by his side, sound of metal clacking together drown out in between their hands.