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You wouldn’t think emotions could be organized, least of all fear, what with all those ‘irrational’ and ‘high strung’ stereotypes, but Fear knew himself better than the 108 things that could kill you in your household alone and he knew how well he performed under strict, monotonous, some might even call, ‘boring’ routine.
And Fear had to admit, despite their earlier uh, difficulties when they first moved to San Francisco, what with them almost losing complete touch with Riley and him being this close to being out of a job- now almost a year later they were finally settled in!
Riley was passing all her subjects, hockey was going fantastic, she even made two new friends on the team recently, Ashley and Marlo, who just so happened to start inviting her to meet up with them before practice for some concession stand hot chocolate. And best of all, things were finally starting to feel, well, normal again. Every day was the same and it couldn’t be better. So yeah if they could keep this going for the next, erm, rest of Riley’s life that’d be pretty good.
Fear couldn’t help ,but let that always tentative smile cross his face as he looked around head quarters. Right now Mom was driving Riley to practice and there wasn’t much to do aside from watch the water droplets from the recent rains race each other down the car window. Anger was blowing a gasket as his droplet got beat out by Joy’s pick, taking him down to third place. Sadness was in the lead, say what you want about her, she knew her rain.
Fear leaned back against the memory projector with a sigh, yep totally normal-
“Urgh, mom better park closer this time, I do not need us accidentally stepping into a stupid parking lot puddle again.” Disgust crossed his path as she walked up to the front beside the others.
Fear’s eyes widened oh, right. That.
Joy waved Disgust off behind her. “I’m sure that won’t happen again Disgust, besides Riley loves rain puddles.”
“Uh yeah, when we’re not about to go into a freezing cold ring and our wet socks begin to stick and feel all slimy .” Disgust shuddered. “ Disgusting . Not to mention parking lot rain puddles are waaay less whimsical than rain puddles at the park, especially when we don’t have waterproof rain boots-” All the emotions groaned as Disgust worked herself into one of her tangents…all of them except Fear.
Fear tugged at his collar with a cough as he went to stand beside Joy as her rightful, though not technically ‘official’ second in command.
He would never, not in a billion years admit it, because well, hello?? He was fear. But um, he may or may not have the slightest, itty bitty little crush on Disgust.
Fear tightened his grip on his tea mug (apparently coffee made him too jittery) as he looked down. It made sense at least, like c’mon Fear and Disgust? Of course they went well together, like peanut butter and jam! Like there was that one time they saw that huge wasp! Fear traced the brim of his mug in fondness. He remembered the complete shock and awe of seeing the memory come out in both their colors, their first shared memory!
Fear sipped on his tea as he took a sideways glance at Disgust on the other side of the control panel, he wondered if she even remembered it?
He let himself stare a second longer before shaking his head and edging closer to Joy. No, no, no. He wasn’t about to ruin their glorious stability for some mindless office fling. He was a professional for crying out loud. Fear nodded to himself, so intent he didn’t realize everyone was shouting at him to do his job when Riley was close to getting knocked into the ice ring wall and busting her jaw, uh oh.
Thankfully he swerved her at the last moment, phew, close one .
Still, even if Fear was intent on not getting with Disgust didn’t mean he couldn’t talk to her, they were still co workers after all.
Plus Disgust hadn't looked this ticked since Joy had insisted upon them adhering to the five second rule for that apple slice and, ironically enough exactly five seconds later Riley had pulled out a cat hair stuck between her teeth.
Disgust had to be held back from spamming the meltdown button for over an hour that day.
Fear, ever the fearful peacekeeper edged his way to Disgust’s side as she shook her head, staring on in contempt at the gaudy pink monstrosity Mom handed Riley to which Joy aggressively accepted with her usually perky attitude whenever she won out in the battle of personal choice vs parents love and acceptance.
“Oh Disgust it's just a coat, mom thought we'd like it, did you hear that Disgust? It was on sale, you know how hard Mom and Dad have to work to afford nice things for us, and blah, blah, bla-”
Disgust took a deep breath to calm herself, probably realizing Fear’s proximity. “She's insane.”
Oh no potential for conflict, couldn’t have that. Alright he needed to be extremely delicate and de-escalate or this could turn out just like the broccoli taco incident of 2011.
Fear chuckled with unwarranted confidence as he leaned slightly to her level and muttered. “I know right, total wacko.” He twirled his finger beside his head. “Talk about cuckoo.” or..he could do that.
Disgust’s eyes widened at the shock of him, brown noser of the century , talking bad about Joy. She narrowed her eyes in, honestly not unwarranted suspicion. “And…. she's a total mama's emotion.” Disgust looked at him expectantly, probably waiting for him to snitch already.
Fear winced at the insult, looking back towards Joy and the others as they continued going about Riley's morning routine. He really should be stopping now, workplace gossip honestly wasn't his thing and he was so above it-
“Totally.” He whispered back. “I mean you saw how she scrambled last mother’s day.” Disgust let out an audible laugh, causing the others to look back at her in confusion for half a second before turning back to the control board.
She lowered her voice, unintentionally edging closer. “Oh. my. gosh. The way she had us wait in that boring line for hours,” Actually it was just ten minutes. “-just to have that baker with the corny apron tell us they were out of eclairs, I mean first of all I was the one who said we should just have Dad take us both out to brunch, but noooo -”
“Oh yeah and then we had to walk home, in a thunderstorm.” It was only three blocks ,but still! Fear shuddered at the memory of having to curl into his protective fetal position every time they saw lightning strike down. “We could’ve been fried, Francisco-Riley style!”
Disgust inhaled at that , her eyes flying open in a strange sort of ticked delight. “Oh my gosh that reminds me of this other time, so we were going to hockey practice right-”
They kept on their little water cooler gossip session for the rest of the morning, and maybe just a little into the afternoon. Fear knew Disgust could talk ,but man she was really good at it.
Okay, okay admittedly that was a fluke on his part, a moment of weakness! But definitely, absolutely would not happen again.
Fear pulled up his chair to the control panel, dream duty again . He swore as annoyed as his co-workers got about him, sometimes accidentally waking Riley up in the middle of the night; he sure seemed to be getting alot of night shifts lately. Someone must’ve messed with the schedule.
Fear sighed as he sat back and watched the mediocre sequel to the I can fly dream begin to play, I can levitate 5 inches off the ground. He was about half way through it, ready to doze off himself when, wait a second. What was that? He heard a noise.
Fear stiffened, eyes darted back and forth. Huh, he didn’t see anything? He spun around in his chair, yep nothing.
“Heh,” Fear chuckled to himself, turning back around. “Probably just sleep deprivation getting to me-”
“Ok don’t freak out.”
“Hm? Oh I wasn’t freaking out-WAAH-Mmh!” Fear’s scream was muffled by Disgust’s hand clamping over his mouth, she had to climb up his lanky self like a spider monkey to even reach. “Shh.” She gave him a look. “Zip it.”
Fear gulped, slowly nodding his head as she finally removed her hand.
“What are you-”
“Literally what did I just say?” Disgust groaned as she went to the back to fish out her own chair and drag it up next to his. “We gotta keep it down.”
Fear frowned, lowering his voice. “Uh, alright?” He watched in perplexed curiosity as Disgust plopped herself down next to him.
They sat in silence for a few seconds, Disgust seeming strangely, solemn as Fear fidgeted with his hands. He was about to ask what the (anger’s favorite cuss word) they were doing-
“Urgggh.” Disgust threw herself forward with a groan. “Sadness was driving me up the wall today!”
Fear blinked. “Oh um, I’m sorr-”
“She knows that whenever Riley ugly cries, it is ugly, there’s all that gross snot going everywhere and that stupid way our voice goes wobbly it is so annoying and I being a good emotion was looking out for Riley and told Sadness we could wait to cry in the school bathroom after getting hit in the face with that basketball at gym class, but does she even stop to listen to me???”
Fear blinked, again. “No?-”
“No! Doesn’t even hesitate to start those stupid waterworks.” Disgust practically flopped back into her chair with a sigh. “And you won’t, believe who’s side Joy picked.”
Fear raised his brow. Did..did Disgust really sneak out of her room, to… talk to him? Huh..“Not, yours?”
Disgust fumed. “Oh no of course not! Because we all know how close those two have gotten ever since their little impromptu randevu. ‘Oh Disgust it’s so important that Riley be able to have a good cry’ what a load of-”
“Bologna?” Fear cut in, leaning up in his seat. He couldn’t care less what dream was playing now.
“What? Ew no, bologna’s gross.” Disgust rolled her eyes. “I mean who ever heard of that, ‘a good cry’, what about a good grimace or a good, I don’t know scream .” She gestured vaguely to him and Fear couldn’t help ,but chuckle. “Hey yeah, what is it with that? I mean I’d say we’ve definitely had some good screams before.”
Disgust’s post-rant grimace seemed to lighten, just a little. “Heh, yeah like that time you made Riley scream like a crazy person on that roller coaster.”
“I’m telling you , I saw a screw come loose and you can’t tell me there wasn’t a creak.”
“It was a ghost ride!” They both laughed at that, their conversation keeping on well into the morning, so much so that Fear totally forgot to wake Riley up and now they were late for school, heh whoops.
Ok so, maybe Fear’s one moment of weakness, kinda, sorta, turned into a daily thing.
But that didn’t mean anything ok! It was just some metaphorical water cooler talk, yeah that’s it. Nothing wrong with that right?
Well, ok the only thing technically wrong was that it was starting to affect their work, more specifically, they kept getting caught. Turns out Joy wasn’t too happy about being openly talked about, literally right behind her back.
“Guys,” Joy sighed, a tired grin on her face. “No one likes a backseat emotion, I get you're still not happy about the new coat Disgust-”
“Uh duh because it’s hideous, it has tassels, Joy, and Fear totally agrees with me.”
Joy just sighed again, sharing a look with Anger and Sadness. “Alright then , do we need to separate you two?”
Joy most likely meant it with sarcasm, but Fear still frantically shook his head, walking in between the two “Woah no,no.” He tried to chuckle to lighten the mood. “Disgust was joking around, besides we all know how she gets when she’s worked up,we’re cool, everyone’s cool, right Disgust?”
Disgust looked taken aback “Fear, I-”
“Yep, see cool and- oh would you look at that, Riley’s about to step on a sidewalk crack, better uh, avert that disaster.” Fear let out another awkward laugh as he turned to the control board and had Riley jump over it. “Phew, mom’s back is safe for another day.”
Disgust looked between him and Joy with her arms crossed. Uh oh. “Hm…alright then, cool .” With that she waltzed right to the other side of their group next to Anger.
Joy shrugged, leaning aside to talk to Sadness. “Eh guess I didn’t need to separate them after all.”
Fear knew Joy was too good natured to actually mean anything by that, well he hoped, but nevertheless he could feel himself mindlessly initiating one of his eight thousand and twenty three coping mechanisms as he incessantly tapped his pointer finger against the control board.
He looked back at Disgust with the small hope that he was comically over thinking things like usual…only to get a dis-interested glance thrown his way as Disgust shifted closer to Anger. Something about that felt deliberate.
Fear was like, ninety-nine percent certain Disgust was still mad at him, if the fact that he went back to spending his dream duty alone was anything to go by…
Look it wasn’t his fault alright! What did Disgust expect? They were
just
co-workers, plus with the amount of power he had as Joy’s totally actual second in command it could create a lot of tension in headquarters, he couldn’t risk Disgust cozying up to him just to take advantage of that!
Fear felt himself deflate a little as the dream from last week played (geez were they really this low on new material?).
Maybe…maybe that’s the only reason she started talking to him in the first place…gee, sure was lonely close to the top.
Fear sighed to himself. “Yeah…reeeeal lonely.”
That following week was brutal with a capital B. Not only did Riley have four tests on Friday, but Hockey finals were tomorrow and if their team didn’t win at least two games in the line up then that would be the complete end of the season and it would be all her fault because Riley would be too nervous and that of course would be because of him-
Suddenly the covers on his bed felt too constricting and Fear had to throw them off. He toed on his bedside slippers and got to his feet with an anxious huff. “I need some air!”
Fear let himself out into the back area of head quarters, he couldn’t explain why, but the view from their full length windows usually managed to ease him up a bit, even if just slightly.
He felt bad for whoever was on dream duty,(the schedule was so messed up this week he couldn’t remember who) having to deal with an unstable emotion lurking in the back of headquarters, muttering to themselves like the villain in one of those corny daytime movies Mom liked.
“Everything’s great, everything’s fine, I am not about to mess up Riley’s entire life tomorrow-”
“Uh, Fear?”
“Yep, that’s the name don’t wear it out, haha.” Fear laughed to himself like a crazy emotion, as he turned to see who had addressed him. “What can I do you fo-”
Oh…apparently Disgust was on dream duty tonight….whoops.
“Um, you can not creep around like a total psycho.” She snarked as she stepped forward. “Oh my gosh, you look like actual barf right now.”
Fear blinked, offended for half a second before he sighed in agreement. “Yeah, sorry.”
“For lurking or for looking like barf?”
“For,” Fear sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck. “For being a complete spaz lately, feels like I’m just messing everything up. ”
Disgust blinked. “Is this about the game tomorrow?”
Fear shrugged. “Yeah, partially. Riley’s gonna be so nervous because of me, not to mention I kept her awake all last night to study and then on the test it felt like we didn’t know any of the answers.”
Disgust shrugged with him. “Yeah that was a yikes moment for sure. But, um, you know,” She fumbled, obviously not used to comforting someone. “It’s not like we didn’t expect that, I mean you’re just doing your job, right?”
Fear found himself nodding as he shifted in place. “I guess so, I just, I don’t know how to explain it, it feels like the world is ending, like I’m gonna mess up everything good we’ve had going for us and it isn’t fair because Riley was finally starting to feel secure again-”
“Woah, woah, slow down there scaredy.” Disgust walked over to him, placing a soft hand on his arm and tugging him close. “I think you’re just like, overwhelmed.”
Fear blinked. “Well yeah, of course I am.”
She surprisingly didn’t sass him back. “Yeah so you need to like, chill.”
“Disgust this is no time for a brain freeze!-”
“Shh, Oh my gosh, no you sleep deprived idiot.” Disgust lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. “I mean like, you need to do something that’ll make you relax.”
Yeah a little tricky when you’re the embodiment of Fear. Fear let out a shaky sigh. “Disgust, I've tried all my usual coping mechanisms, nothing's working.” He already broke three stress fidgets.
“Umm ok,” Disgust curled her lip in thought. A moment of silence passed, then she sighed. “Ok, ok,ok,” Disgust groaned as she rubbed her eyes. “Alright, what I am about to tell you, you cannot tell a single other living soul kapeesh?”
“Wait do emotions even have souls-”
“Ka- peesh ?” Disgust gave him an upwards warning glare.
“Uh, sure.” Fear laughed. “Cross my, um wait do emotions have hearts?”
Disgust ignored him, letting out a low breath as she looked back and forth for any potential onlookers though it was quite obvious everyone was still asleep. “So like, it’s my job to hate things right?”
Fear nodded, eyes narrowing in concentration. “I’m with you so far…”
“Yeah well, you know I just, sometimes when it feels like I hate everything and nothing’s right or how it’s supposed to be, I…I feel overwhelmed right so…occasionally, and I mean occasionally,”
Disgust took a deep breath, uncharacteristically shy as she blurted. “ImakealistofthingsIactuallylike-” She cut herself off with a much needed gasp for air.
Fear blinked. “Um, could you repeat that, just a little bit slower.”
Disgust rolled her eyes. “I make a list of things I actually like.” She stared at the floor sheepishly, rubbing her arm. “I don’t know why, but it just, it helps.”
“Oh…like, what?” Fear found himself asking. “I mean what do you…like?”
Disgust gave him a strange look. “Well like, I don’t know, the uh school lunchroom trays.”
“Huh?” Now that was unexpected. “But, I thought you hated our school lunch?”
“Oh yeah it is atrocious ,except on Crispito Fridays, but that’s not what I mean, I like the trays.”
“The trays?…” Fear frowned. “Why?”
Disgust shrugged as if to hide her slight embarrassment. “I like how they’ve got those little sections, s-so that all our food is separated, the corn never touch the mashed potatoes and the green beans-”
“Never make the chicken nuggets soggy! You’re right.” Fear finished for her in realization. “That is pretty cool.”
If Fear were a foolish emotion he might’ve called the slight color dusting Disgust’s cheeks blush. “Exactly! But yeah so like for you, you know instead of focusing on what you’re afraid of right now, maybe try making a list of all the things that make you feel like, safe.”
Fear tilted his head. “Safe…huh…I mean, I don’t know I haven’t ever really thought of that before…”
What did make him feel safe? Was it even possible for him to feel such a thing?
“I..so, I think I got one, um,” Fear shifted, he hadn’t realized it ,but they were both leaning next to each other, their backs to the windows. “You know how Dad gets when it’s late and it’s not a school night, and uh he lets us stay up with him to watch those old movies where we don’t get half the jokes?”
Disgust nodded along. “Yeah?”
Fear shrugged, feeling embarrassed himself now. “I always, feel pretty safe sitting next to him on the couch and…I like, I like when he puts his arm around us and, we pretend to fall asleep so he’ll carry us up to bed.”
He hadn’t realized just how closely he and Disgust were leaning on each other, he straightened up with an awkward cough. “Y-yeah, pretty corny right?”
Disgust snorted, smirking at him. She leaned her head against his arm. “Yeah…keep going though.”
Fear’s blush was way more obvious as he chuckled goofily. “Okay,” He said softly.
Over an hour had passed and Fear could definitely say Disgust’s trick had worked. He was way more calm.
“And um, I think that’s everything.” His trembling hands had long since gone slack. “Wow, I really do feel better, you are miracle worker Disgust!”
Disgust feigned humbleness for half a second before nodding in agreement. “Yeah I’m basically like the best ever, no biggie.”
Fear couldn’t agree more honestly. He smiled, letting out a low breath. “Hey Disgust?”
“Hm?”
C’mon, don’t be a coward,for once, for once, for once-
“Um, thanks I…” I like you. “I really appreciate it.” ….Coward.
Urgh, why, why was he like this? Well he knew why, but it still wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t he have this just this one time, buck up and not be afraid for the first time in his life.
“Hey, you’re starting to look like barf again, what’s up?” Disgust implored. “You’re not actually gonna throw up are you?” She grabbed his head and leaned him down for personal inspection.
Fear sighed, drooping in her hold. “No I just…”
“Just what?” She pressed.
“I…I don’t know, do you ever….”
Disgust tilted her head. “Ever what?”
Fear shook his head. “Nah, forget it, it’s stupid.”
“Ok, so tell me.”
“Well I can’t just-you’ll laugh.” Fear argued.
“Uh yeah duh, it’s my job to mock stupid things.” Ok, little harsh.
“Yeah see that’s why I don’t-”
Disgust stomped her foot in impatience. “Urggh, oh my gosh Fear just tell me already-”
“Do you ever wish you were a different emotion?” Fear let out a frightened “Meep” immediately following that question, clamping a hand over his mouth. Oh no. What in the neurons was he thinking?! Now Disgust was definitely gonna laugh at him, who says something so -
“Are you kidding? Like, literally all the time.”
Fear opened his eyes, not realizing he’d closed them in preparation for Disgust’s mockery. “Huh?”
“I mean, you see how I get treated right?” Disgust sighed. “I was the last emotion to get here, and it’s like my job doesn’t even, count compared to you guys . ”
Fear blinked, tilting his head. “What do you mean?”
“I mean like, you, Sadness, Anger, and Joy are all the important players right.” She shrugged, as if in dejected acceptance of that. “You guys make Riley feel big, strong stuff you know?” Disgust gestured out the window across the canyon to memory storage. “Joy keeps her moving, Sadness and Anger allow to her vent, and you keep her safe!”
Disgust sighed again, falling to a sit with her head in her hands. “The most I make her feel is grossed out by broccoli.”
Fear’s eyes widened. “Hey that’s not true.”
“Um yes it is Fear, I know how to read a room.” Disgust sassed. “That’s why Joy isn’t taking me seriously about the whole coat thing isn’t it?” She kicked a non-existent pebble. “Everyone sees me as a joke, and you know maybe I am…maybe that’s why I got so worked up about it..I just wanna at least feel like I have a say…like I matter.”
Fear felt himself slouch. “And I didn’t help that by not sticking up for you.”
Disgust shrugged. “I mean who could blame you, it's not like it was all that important.”
Fear blinked, and found himself turning to look back out the windows, the islands of personality standing tall over the canyon. “But..it was.”
“Fear don’t patronize me, it’s bad enough when Joy does it.”
“No,no, but it was though!” Fear shot back. Disgust reared back in surprise, and probably a little bit of concern.
“I mean, look Disgust.” Fear pointed out towards the islands of personality. “ That is because of you.”
Disgust looked back and forth between Fear and the islands like he’d drank one too many cups of tea. “Um? Are you ok? You do know that the islands of personality are like, things Riley likes right?”
Fear shook his head, probably looking extra manic with his sleep deprived eye bags. “Yes! True! But,” Fear gestured back and forth between Disgust and the islands. “How important would any of her likes be, if she liked everything!”
Disgust’s eyes widened. “Woah.”
Fear nodded frantically. “Yeah,yeah cause like if Riley didn’t know what she didn’t like, than how else would she be able to decide what she does like? Nothing would be special to her.”
“Oh my gosh yeah, you’re right!” Disgust hopped to her feet. “It’s like when Mrs. Bernstein says ‘we’re all her favorite students’, like laaaame.”
“Y-yeah.” Fear laughed, with a big smile. “If anything you’re like, the most important emotion,” Fear coughed out a quick amendment. “Just uh please don’t tell Joy I said that.”
Disgust laughed. “Ok…”
A short silence settled between them. Fear coughed awkwardly into his fist after a minute. “Well um, I suppose I should get some rest.”
Disgust snorted. “Yeah, you should.”
Fear gave her a brief salute, turning to head back to his room. “Oh and Fear?”
“Hm? Did you forget where the Dream remote was again happens to me all the time-” Fear was floored as Disgust quickly trotted up to him and scooped him by his elongated waist into a hug. “W-hoah!”
“I uh, recently added something new to my list of likes.” She mumbled into his sweater vest.
Fear’s face flushed magenta. “Oh yeah, and uh what would that be?”
Fear was floored, yet again when Disgust grabbed him by the bow tie and yanked him down just enough so she could plant a quick peck to his cheek.
“You.”
If Fear was having trouble sleeping before he was staying up the whole night now, staring up at his bedroom ceiling, the moment replaying for him over and over. Heh, if only emotions had their own memory orbs, he’d be projecting this one for eternity.
Ok so, turns out office PDA wasn’t the worst thing in the world, they mainly just had to file some extra paperwork and deal with the occasional co worker prodding (namely Joy wanting to scrapbook the occasion), but honestly having Disgust casually stand on his shoes as she leaned against him during the work day was worth every bit of that extra grunt work.
It was also worth the trouble he went through ‘accidentally’ annoying Anger to the point he made Riley accidentally throw her new coat, off a bridge, into the river, never to be seen again .
“Nice going bean-pole!” Anger punched him in the arm.
Heh whoops.