Work Text:
Our story starts with a boy, whose lack of courage kept him alive.
——
Looking from the outside, one might say that in his seventeen years of living, he has had the most perfect life you could imagine. Well known parents, a nice house, lots of money, private schooling, intelligence, and a talent for the piano that could get him into the most prestigious schools in the future.
But he knew his life was not one that people should envy.
He was scared.
His parents were well known in the city, his dad an inventor, and his mom a fashion designer. Both good at their jobs, and respected in their community. They made good money to put their son through excellent schooling, piano lessons, and French lessons, raising him to be respectable and proper. They had hopes that in doing this, it would not show the cracks beginning to form in their family.
Behind the walls of their house, is when the “picture perfect family” mirage faded. At the age of eight, it became apparent to The Boy that his parents did not love each other. The fighting, screaming, and crashing of objects is something that The Boy has gotten used to hearing. The Boy knew they would not separate, it would mess up the “perfect family” image they had, but he wished they would. When he was thirteen, The Boy witnessed one of the worst fights he had ever heard. He was worried for both of his parents' safety, and he rushed downstairs to the kitchen. They were yelling, and The Boy decided to get in between them, desperately trying to get them to stop. As he got older, The Boy couldn’t remember what happened until the moment he was on the floor, holding his stinging cheek, with tears welling in his eyes. He doesn't know which one of them hit him, nor did he know if it was an accident or done on purpose. All he remembers is his mother telling him that “Men do not cry” , and his father telling him “Go to your room”.
At the age of thirteen, he knew his parents did not love him.
He had always known that his parents viewed him less as a son, and more of something to fix their marriage. But until that night, he was unaware of how small his parents' love for him was.
After that, he became scared. Scared of his parents, scared of talking back, scared of not being the perfect son that they wanted. He wished he wasn’t so scared, he wished he had the courage to take wing and fly. But he never did.
After all, how could someone do that to their own spouse, and not fear that they would do the same to you?
The Boy couldn’t be in that house for more than a few hours at a time. He felt like he was drowning.
So he would leave, explore the city by himself. They lived near a beach, and after a few hours, he always found himself ankle deep in the water. He found comfort in the ocean. He felt drawn to it, like it was his destiny.
The Boy didn’t have many friends. He found it hard to talk to people, especially because they had a false perception of him and didn’t know what really went on behind locked doors. Because of this, he made up friends in his head. Ones who knew every detail of his life, and would never judge him for it. Ones who would support and reassure him when his parents inevitably yelled at him. But the friend who The Boy held closest to his heart was James. He was so bright and full of warmth. To The Boy, he is the epitome of the sun. Feeling the sun on his skin would bring him a genuine smile on his face that nothing else could.
The more The Boy went to the beach, he found himself actually talking to the sun. He would sit there and talk to the sun for hours. He knew sitting in the sun for hours probably wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t care if he burned. He knows James would never burn him anyways.
Everytime he felt the sun on his face, he felt like he was flying.
As he grew up and reached the age of seventeen, the fighting in the house had only gotten worse and The Boy drew even more into himself, finding comfort in James and staying as far from his parents as he could. Which wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to keep him afloat. He was counting down the days until he graduated school and could get as far from the house as he could. That day was over a year away, and he wished he had the courage to do it now.
On a nice spring day in March, The Boy didn’t leave the beach until the sun set. He woke up with a pit of dread and an anxious feeling, and was struggling with the idea of going to school that day. He had decided to not go to his piano lesson that morning, but James told him that he should go, and he kept persuading him until The Boy had relented and gotten out of bed to get ready. He went to his piano lesson, and he told James that he could bet that it would not go well. And that’s exactly what happened.
He played the wrong notes, he lost his rhythm and he left his lesson feeling worse than he felt this morning. He had never messed up like that. He always prided himself on his grades and his piano skills, and that had never happened to him before. He knew he couldn’t go to school today feeling like this, even James could not persuade him to go. The Boy had never skipped school before, but he needed a break. He was so tired. So he spent the day at the beach, talking to James. As the day went on, his mood was lifting and by the time he left the beach to go home, he was feeling much better than that morning.
His joy quickly vanished when the first thing he saw when he got home was his mothers angry face. The school had told her he didn’t show up. The first words that came out of his mothers mouth were quiet and cold, and The Boy immediately wished the sun was still out so he could feel its warmth. Eventually, she started yelling about how he was a disappointment of a son, and how he would never get accepted to top schools without a perfect record. He started to yell back about how missing one day didn’t matter, and that she should be more worried about why her son missed school because he could barely get out of bed. He tried to show her that her son was struggling and that he wanted her love, but she either ignored it, or didn’t see it (he should have known). She decided to ground him, knowing it would hurt him more than anything else she could have done.
When The Boy heard his mother ground him, his whole world stopped spinning.
She started telling him that he would be doing school online, but he couldn’t hear her through the ringing in his ears. Being grounded means not being able to feel the sun, but also that he would be stuck in this house with his parents 24/7. Leaving the house was his only refuge. He can’t. He can't. He can’t.
He spent the rest of the night in his room trying to figure out what to do. He talked to Michael for hours about it, and Michael suggested that he should finally get the courage to leave. The Boy stopped in his tracks. He could. It was risky and he was fearful of it going wrong and making everything worse.
But he could be free.
The thought of being out of that house outweighed the fear that resided in him and he made his decision. He would leave.
The Boy knew he wanted to be as close to James and his warmth as he could be. James was his safe space and he knew he could never be hurt again when he was close to James. His father had odd materials laying around the house for his inventions and he found a big bag of feathers. He knew if he got something that could harden the feathers into the shape of wings, he could fly out and escape. His Mother loved candles and The Boy realized he could take all the candles and melt them down and use the wax. The Boy laid out his feathers into the right shape in his room and in the dead of the night, The Boy melted down the wax bit by bit, and poured it over the feathers. He attached straps for his arms and after days of work, his wings were completed. He laughed as he stared at his invention, not realizing that what he had created would bring about his end.
After resting, he was at his front door, wings in hand. It was dawn and nobody was awake to see him leave. He took one more look around the house and was so glad he made this decision. He headed out for the beach, and waited for the sun to rise. When the sun was in the sky, he attached his wings and hoped with everything he had that they worked. He took a running leap and flapped his wings and he was doing it.
He left.
He was flying. He had never felt lighter and laughed in amazement. He flew towards the sun and was so grateful to feel its warmth after so many days of feeling cold.
It felt like coming home.
As he got closer, it began to get hotter but he embraced it. The wax on his wings started to melt but he felt no fear. The weight of his wings disappeared and he started to fall.
As he fell towards the sea he let out a choked laugh and whispered; “I trust you.”
He hit the water and the liquid started filling up in his lungs but he didn’t fight it. Today was good because he survived. He felt the warmth of the sun.
Before he died, he recalled the time at the age of thirteen, when he was laying on the floor and clutching his stinging cheek. In that moment, he knew his life would be a great big tragedy.
But he would do it all again just to feel the heat from the sun's rays one more time.
He’s grateful he felt the sun shine on him before his vision blacked out.
He never felt the warmth of the sun again.
——
Our story ends with a boy whose abundance of courage ended up killing him.
The Boy who flew too close to the sun.