Work Text:
It had been two months. Two months of slowed down schedules, two months of Noah replaying the two words he whispered to Yejun, in his head.
Since becoming a lot more steadier in their relationship, it had been more difficult to hide it. They were always attached to the hip. Any moment they were able to be near each other they would. During lives, if it was all five of them, Noah and Yejun would sit side by side, or they would pick up each other’s dance bags in the studio. They had to be conscious of the smaller things, though, but it was getting to be more difficult. Noah loved testing the waters on how much he could get away with but he had to be careful.
He had to be cautious that no one would see him cozying up. He had to step back.
He couldn’t live in the same apartment, couldn’t just grab coffee, he couldn’t be with Yejun.
When they were together, Noah had to hold himself back from blurting out his confession. He became quiet, but as soon as Yejun was asleep, those two words flew off of his tongue. Noah wasn’t ready to tell Yejun yet. It was too early.
When the time was right he would tell Yejun how he felt. Just like he did in the practice room. Timing was important. Would it be during a stressful day to ease the pain? Or would it be better during rest, just the two of them sharing a bed? Whenever it would be it wouldn’t be now. It was better for him to be quiet.
Yejun sipped his coffee in Eunho’s apartment. It was just chatter, nothing important, but with that, the conversation ended up surrounding Noah.
“So, how is he?” Eunho asked.
“Noah? Don’t you work out with him tonight? You can just ask him yourself,” Yejun asked back.
“I do, but I want to know from you,” Eunho shrugged. “Like a third party source.”
“Oh, uh,” Yejun sat his cup down on the table. “He’s good. More than good, actually. Like a rock. You know how stressful our days can be…there are times when it gets too much. You probably know the feeling,” Yejun scratched his head.
“Maybe not as much as you take on.”
“I get back to my place, or his place - depends on what we decide - and if I’m tense or my head is swimming, he massages my hands. ”
“Like for cramps?”
“It eases the tension. Just for five minutes. It’s just five minutes but it changes a lot. Makes me feel grounded…but Noah hasn’t done that the past couple of times. He’s been…he’s been distant.”
“In what way?”
“Like it feels as though he’s hiding something.”
“Well, in all fairness you are too. When are you going to tell Hamin and Bamby?”
“Not anytime soon. We were going to keep it under wraps for as long as we can,” Yejun sighed, “but me hiding information from them is different from Noah hiding information from me.” Yejun shifted in his seat. “I’m worried.”
“I think that there’s nothing to worry about,” Eunho tried to help. “It seems you have a healthy relationship. It seems like he cares about you a lot.”
“He would tell me what’s going on.”
“Yejun hyung, you should just ask. All would clear up.”
“What if it’s bad?”
“Then,” Eunho sighed, “then you’ll have to work that out professionally.”
“It’s my biggest fear. We barely fight. I don’t want this one to be our downfall.”
“You’re going to have disagreements. That’s natural. Bamby hyung and I fight all the time and we’re still best friends.”
“But we’re not best friends. We’re boyfriends.”
“Woah, official already?” Eunho laughed.
“Been official for a while,” Yejun smiled.
“See, there’s the smile. I don’t know Noah as much as you do, but if you’re smiling like you’re smiling now, it’s probably very small. Like, let’s say, you don’t fluff the pillows.”
“Okay,” Yejun chewed on his lip. “I’m seeing him tomorrow.”
“Good,” Eunho leaned back in his chair.
Yejun punched in his keypad number, and opened up the door. He got a text from Noah right before his live that he was already going to be in his apartment when he got home, and sure enough Noah was at Yejun’s desk writing away.
“Late night inspiration?” Yejun asked as he set his backpack down.
“More like late night writers block. Can’t get past the first verse,” Noah set down his pen. “How was tonight’s stream?”
“Calm. Leading up to birthday streams are usually relaxed.”
“Eunho must be excited. Hope he doesn’t destroy his throat like he did last year.”
“Singing machine,” Yejun laughed, and Noah chuckled. He noticed Noah didn’t give him his usual hello. No hug, no kiss. Just him in his home, making himself comfortable. “You know, I’m just going to go to bed. Long day.”
“Oh,” Noah said. “Uhm, okay. You sure? We can just hang out in the living room.”
“No, no. Need a bed.”
“Okay, I’ll meet you in bed later.”
“I kind of want to be together.”
“We already are?”
“Physically together. Are you listening?”
“Are you angry at me?” Noah put down his pen.
“No,” Yejun said with a tense voice. “Wait,” he ran a hand through his hair. “Yes. I’m frustrated with you.”
“Oh,” Noah sank. “What about?”
“You really don’t know?”
“I’m serious.”
“For the past few weeks, you have been so…out of character. Distant. You seem like you’re keeping things from me. Keeping secrets. Like…like you’re,” Yejun started to feel tears welling up in his eyes, but he held back. “Like you’re ready to break up. And I don’t want to. I really like you, Noah. Almost like I,” Yejun breathed.
Noah scooted out from the desk, and walked over to Yejun. “Hey, hey. Let’s sit down. Maybe take off your jacket. Get you some water.”
Yejun followed Noah into the kitchen area, after just standing by his bedroom doorway. It was five minutes of silence. Not knowing which way to shift the conversation. Would he have to pivot entirely or face his own anxiety and tell him what he felt inside?
Yejun remembered Eunho’s conversation. He breathed. “I don’t want to break up with you. We can work out our frustrations, like any old couple.”
“Break up?” Noah sat down next to Yejun. “What do you mean break up?”
“You have been so caught up and…not present. Like you’re hiding something, and I don’t want to have a relationship where we can’t freely discuss our opinions. Sure, we are going to disagree with things, like we did at first when we first started to sleep over each other’s places, but I don’t want this,” he motioned his hands between he and Noah, “to end.”
“Junie, I…” Noah took a deep breath. “We’re not breaking up. I don’t want to either. That’s the last thing I want. Hell, I am in your apartment without you,” Noah took Yejun’s cup and filled it up with more water, and returned. “I am keeping stuff from you. For good reason.”
“What good reason could keeping things from me be? Just tell me that things will be okay. I don’t want to lose this. Not one bit.”
“Trust me, things will be more than okay. I’m sorry I haven’t been present. It’s not like me. I…” Noah sighed, like he wasn’t able to put words together. “Yejun, I love you."
“What?”
“I say this to you when you are sleeping. I didn’t want you to know. It’s too early-” Noah was cut off.
“I love you too.”
There was silence between the two of them. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Yejun looked into Noah’s eyes. “But wait, you talk to me when I’m sleeping?”
“Just to say what I have been really thinking. Wasn’t ready to talk to you straight on.”
“Talk to me when I’m awake,” Yejun smiled.
“I can’t help it when you fall asleep right as your head hits the pillow.”
“What other things did you talk to me about?”
“Pasta recipes.”
“That absolutely cannot be real.”
“Kidding,” Noah smiled, and Yejun smiled back. “Only my love for you.”