Archive of Our Own

Reunited

Lancaster, Pa , 1955

“A war movie.”  Dick said flatly as he stood outside the Regal Cinema in Lancaster as Ann chose the movie she wanted to see for her birthday.   

“Yes.   You said it was my choice and he’s cute.”

Dick got a look from the guy selling tickets as he handed her her selection for the evening.  He wanted to tell the guy this was his sister but it was irrelevant.  She was going to use this as an opportunity to try and work her way into an invite to the upcoming reunion or to get him riled up enough about inaccuracies to spend the rest of the evening ranting about it.  Sometimes he hated the fact they came from the same genetic pool that somehow delivered tactical thinking, attention to detail, and a streak of stubborn determination to win.   “Right.  A war hero.”

“I know, not comparable to your Easy boys .”

“Ann.”

“I just want to see a movie.” Ann knew that tone and cut him off before he could begin his ‘I see what you’re doing’ speech.   “And I’m not going to apologize for wanting to know more about what you did.  I can't come close to understanding, but it’s been ten years since you came home and the only time you’re happy is when you’re talking to one of your men or writing in your journal about them.   So, this is as close as I get to understanding where my brother went.  Do you want popcorn?”

Dick stood in the lobby and blinked, unprepared for that.   

“Yes, you want popcorn.”

Dick wasn’t expecting the emotions that watching “To Hell and Back” would stir up in him, mainly the need to tell his own company’s story.   He certainly couldn’t take anything away from the young soldier who ended up becoming America’s most decorated hero, even if his acting was hardly up to standard (Acting quality rating - poor).  The kid was the real deal and he was struggling to balance that with the desire to see his own beloved company talked about by the theater goers leaving the movie tonight.

And he made a point to never see war movies.

However there was something in the crowd as it emptied the theater, as he waited for Ann to return from the ladies room, that was truly palpable.   People were talking.    No one criticized the young Audie Murphy’s acting ability, instead they were in awe of him and talked of his bravery, the war, and even friends and family who didn’t come home or never spoke of it.  How this one man was amazing for his heroics, and Dick's chest felt heavy because he had a company of heroes who deserved to held up on that same pedestal.

For ten years since the end of the war, Dick had felt the overwhelming array of emotions daily, trying to compartmentalize everything.   He returned from the war a different man, which was to be expected, but the struggle to be at home was not something he was prepared for.   He wished it was as simple as nightmares, but there was also resentment.   The war had occurred in a far off place and most of America had felt the burden of it through rations, absent family, and wartime jobs.   It’s why he fought– to protect this way of life, but it still set him apart from everyone when he came home.

Everyone except his men.   The calls, the letters, the brotherhood, the company --only strengthened with time.   Except for the man he had relied on most.

“Hear from Lewis recently?” Ann broke his concentration, he had been deep in thought since they left the movies and she let him go through the motions.   She watched him get in the car, drive home, and open up his house for her all without even acknowledging she was beside him.  She let him, it was how he was now.    Now she was sitting at his kitchen table and blowing out her candles on the small cake and wishing for her brother back.   

Dick tried to not make a face as he served pieces of the birthday cake he bought for his little sister.   Lewis Nixon, once never far from his side, was the one man he couldn't keep close to post-war despite working for him, despite moving to New Jersey, despite loving him.  “His phone was disconnected in Princeton, he could be anywhere.”

Ann ate her piece of cake and nudged him.  “Think he’ll come to the reunion?”

“I don’t think he will.”

“What about Speirs?   From what you told me he’d be pretty popular in a movie.”  Ann asked, taking a fork full of icing off Dick’s cake to get his attention back.

“A silent film, maybe.”  Dick didn’t want to squirm out of this discussion but she hit the nail on the head on the two people he couldn’t wrangle into coming back for the ten year reunion.  He took a dab of icing off her cake with his finger.   She squealed.   “Ann, what exactly is it you want to know?”

“I want to know what happened between you and Lewis, and I don’t mean how you became so close, I want to know how you lost touch with your best friend.”

“I went to war.”  Dick answered simply, because being called back into active service for Korea had driven them apart.  He came home to a drunk and impossible Lewis Nixon, one Irene couldn't even deal with anymore, and just didn’t have it in him to feel like it was his fault.   So he left New Jersey and went home.  

And that ended that discussion, Ann sighed.   “Well, would you like to get some ice cream?”

“Of course.”  Dick said and in that moment decided his opportunity to make something of the reunion was right in front of him.   Not about Lew, but the need to tell the story of Easy Company.   And he knew just the man to do it.

Philadelphia, Pa 1955

“When was the last time you saw Captain Speirs?”

“1947.” Lip answered quickly and felt the look from Mike Ranney, now a journalist and quick to pick up on tells in conversation.  He knew how the quick answer sounded; that he knew that detail off the top of his head.  He cleared his throat, looked at Bill Guarnere and said, “It was 1947, right?  You were at that reunion.”

“Yeah, 1947.”  Bill nodded without a blink of an eye, backing up Lip’s statement without really running through the mental roster of people who showed up for reunions and who didn’t.   Speirs was always a hot topic, more so when he stopped coming to the reunions after the first one.   But Lip did answer that too fast, even for him. 

“Did something happen that would explain why he never came to another?”  Mike asked, a recorder on the table and pen in hand writing notes, and looked up at Carwood to make sure he wasn’t going to miss a reaction to the question.

“Korea?”  Lip answered.  “He went to war ?”

Bill made a face, hoping Lip caught how defensive that sounded.  Ranney changed topics, he was trying to get an unbiased interview from everyone who wanted to give one and starting with Lip seemed like it would be a great start to the project. Apparently not.

“How do you feel about Major Winters wanting to chronicle the journey of Easy Company, from Toccoa to Austria?” Ranney figured it was best to open with a feeler question, some guys didn't want to dredge up old feelings.

“It’s what he does.”  Bill answered.  “Oh, you mean for a movie?  Shit, do we get to play ourselves?  Who's playing me?”

Lip smiled apologetically to Ranney as Bill wandered off on a tangent about actors who would do his part justice or how difficult it would be to get some Hollywood fake leg so he could play himself.  It was a way to save him from embarrassing himself more than immediately knowing the last time he had seen Ron Speirs.

“Well, I never asked, but now I’m asking.”  Bill said as he joined Lip at the drink table as he smoked and Lip hadn’t done that in years.   Apparently the watered down lemonade needed stirred.  “What the hell happened between you and Speirs at that reunion?  One minute you’re staring at each other across the table, bad enough my wife asks me if you two were foxhole fuck buddies, and then you come back pissed and he doesn’t come back.  Not that night, the next day or to any reunion since.”

“Bill, it was nothing.” Lip knew that wasn’t going to be the end of it.  In all honesty, he was surprised it took this long for someone to ask him.

“Really?”

“We argued about the war.”

“Which one?” Bill borrowed a line from Speirs who always had some evasive bullshit to throw at anyone trying to pin him down.  

“Korea.   He showed up to the reunion because he was going to war again and just accepting he might not come back.”  Lip left it at that.  

“That sounds like him, from what everyone tells me.” 

“It is.”  Lip said. 

“But he came back.”  

“Yeah.”

“So where the hell is he?”

“Busy.” Lip answered.  “I assume.  George just got here, I’m going to say 'hi'.”

Bill tapped his fingers on the table as Lip walked off to go talk to Luz.   He made his way over to Winters who was sitting at the table next to Nixon’s empty chair.   “No show for old Blackbeard, huh?”

“He never was interested in talking about things after the war.”   Dick made the excuse but looked at the name card next to him.   'Captain Lewis Nixon III' written on a nice piece of card stock he would undoubtedly pick up off the table and keep with his own as a memento of the reunion, even if Nix never showed.   

Bill took the empty chair, surprising his old CO, because the one thing nobody did was get between him and Nix, even if it was an empty chair.  “Dick, what the hell happened between Lip and Speirs?”

Dick was caught off guard, expecting it to be another round of questions about Nix.  “They were very close, after Foy.”

“Yeah yeah, I missed it all after Bastogne, but I got plenty of details from the rest of the boys, especially Babe.  I’m asking what happened at the 1947 reunion that Lip remembers the date like it was the day he lost the love of his life and why Speirs never came back to another reunion.”

“I asked Ron to come, I called.  All he said was ‘no’.”  Dick said.  “I tried, I sent him letters outlining everything from his longevity as the longest commander of Easy to all the incredible things he should want to share and he said ‘no’ again.   Next time I called he told me his hearing was an issue and maybe I should just write.”

“Maybe he and Nix ran off together.” Bill offered.

Dick gave him a look and got a grin in return. 

“Going to be hard to write a book about Easy without those two.”  Bill said and he could see the old Major coming out of Winters at the affront of his two officers being recalcitrant. 

“I know.  I have to respect their wishes, but I’ll keep working on them.”

“I’ll make you a deal.”  Bill said.  “I don’t know Speirs well, except for the rumors and his weird shit he’d do, so you work on him.   Yeah I followed behind him at Brecourt Manor to take that gun but the fucker did most of it himself so all I can do is provide witness accounts of him being insane.  I’ll work on Nix because my south Philly attitude is way closer to that Jersey bitchiness than your Quaker ways.   What do you say, Major?  Divide and Conquer?”

“More like pester and get hung up on.”

“That’s why I’m just going to show up at his house. Princeton ain’t that far from Philly, I’ll just go for a drive with Babe and go drag his ass down here.”

“ Now ?”  Dick asked, because it sounded like…

“Hell yeah.  We got all weekend here, so better late than never.”

“Bill…”

Bill stood up.  “It’s what?   1800 on a Friday night?  Yeah, he’ll be just getting up. I know his address, wrote it enough times for the invites he kept ‘return to sender’ and I kinda want to put my foot up his ass for wasting stamps.”

Dick opened his mouth and Bill saluted him.   

“You work on Speirs.”  Bill said with a casual wave.  “Tell him Lip has pneumonia or needs help blowing out candles in a convent or just needs fucked on the table like they might as well have done back in 1947 in front of me and the wife.  Take no prisoners, sir.”

Princeton, NJ 1955

“Nix!” Bill banged on the door as Babe looked nervously at the dark house with no car in the driveway and made a face.  “It's called strategy, Babe.”

“It's called almost midnight and he's obviously not home.”  Babe replied and felt so out of place in this neighborhood that he knew cops were probably on the way by the third knock.  

“We're worried about our chronically drunk former Captain whose phone is not working and whose mail keeps getting returned and whose neighbors are clearly doing that mail collecting for him.  So yeah, this is about the fuckin’ neighbors not him.”  Bill said and banged again.

“Why are we convinced we can convince Nix to do something that Winters can't?” Babe asked.

“Because he's a drama loving Jersey girl who  most certainly has the intelligence we need to figure out what the hell was going on with Lip and Speirs.”  Bill cracked his cane on the door again, the glass in the panes rattled.   

“And we need to piss off Captain Killer for what reason?” Babe saw lights come on next door.  

“Lip is hung up on him, I want to know why.” 

“Because they were close.    Really close.  Like I can't believe I'm seeing this in a convent close, and maybe I'm hallucinating it close.”

“Yeah, I remember the 1947 reunion.”  Bill said and kept banging.

“Nix isn't home.” Babe hissed as the neighbor came out in a robe, presumably to tell two Philly boys to go back home where they belonged.   

“I’m going to keep banging on the door until the neighbors tell us where he does call home.”

“Or they call the cops.”

“Whatever gets us answers.”

New York City, NY 1955

“Yale club.”. Bill said and rolled his eyes.  “How pretentious.”

It was now almost 3 am and they were in the lobby of some place in New York City where they most definitely did not belong.  Babe was not thrilled about where this adventure was taking them but if he didn't go Bill would have gone alone.    

“Sir, you said Mr. Nixon was expecting you?”  Asked the gentleman at the front desk.

“Tell him Gonorrhea is looking for that drink he owes me.   That Vat 69 he thinks gets milked out of the tits of angels.   And, also, I'm here to find out why Lip is in bed alone down in Philly when Sparky obviously stole his heart along with Hitler's silverware.”

The clerk at the front desk nodded, looked at the security guard who was trying to not laugh, and then went to tell Mr. Nixon in private what this man had said so they could get him ejected from the lobby, on one leg or not.

They waited and then heard laughter from the direction of the restaurant and bar.   Babe breathed easier, at least they found Nix.   

“Gentleman, it appears that Mr. Nixon is willing to buy you that drink.”

Yale Club Bar, New York, 1955

“1947.”. Nix said and savored his umpteenth glass of Scotch and tried to remember anything other than Dick assuring everyone he shaved regularly.    Because that's what everyone wanted to know about them living and working together- Lewis Nixon's facial hair.  “I think I'd remember if Sparky and Lip fucked on a table in front of you.”

“It was all in the eyes.” Bill assured him.

“Mmm.”. Nix shrugged.  “You had the front row seats it seems.  Maybe you should be answering the question?”

“I'm trying.” Bill threw his hands up.   “Trying to figure out how they haven't seen each other since then and Lip knows the exact date he last saw his CO.”

“So naturally you drive to New York during the reunion to ask me.”  Nix said but his smile said he knew this visit had nothing to do with asking the S-2 the whereabouts of the Easy CO and more about the whereabouts of Winter’s +1.

“Well we stopped at your house in Princeton and pissed off your neighbors first.  Probably would have been easier to tell us you set your house on fire than to get them to forward and return your mail.  Phone was off the hook, too.  Asshole.” Bill said and knocked back a drink and put his glass out for another round.

“I didn't set the house on fire ,” Nix clarified and gave him a refill.  “I fell asleep smoking and the couch caught on fire.   Waiting on insurance to handle it.  I disconnected the phone because the fire happened two years ago.”

“Winters will shit himself when he hears this.”  Bill said and gauged Nix’s reaction.

“One more thing to be judgmental about, what else is new?” Nix shrugged it off.

“Look, I ain't here to pry into your love affair with Winters, I care about everyone's favorite West Virginia and why Speirs is using every excuse, even pretending to be deaf, to avoid coming to a reunion and seeing him.”  Bill let him off the hook, Nix looked like shit.   Dragging him to the reunion was going to make things worse for Winters, the man was running out of excuses for his best friend.

“Not all of us revel in memories of the war.”

Bill glared at him, then stood up and put his empty pant leg on the table.  “Reveling in it myself, every fucking day, but doesn’t stop me from realizing this isn’t about me.  It’s about us.  Easy.  The company.   Our brothers.  So, if Winters wants a book about what his boys did, he’s getting that book.   Better to have Mike Ranney asking the questions instead of someone else.  Better to do it now while we remember, while we’re with each other to make it easier.”

“Or we could not do it at all.” Nix said and Bill looked like he was going to whack him in the head with his cane.

“We stand together, always.”  Bill sat down.  “And guys have families now, trying to figure out what to tell them if they ask about the war.  And by God, if Winters wants to hand them a book and tell them their Dads were heroes I am not going to stop that.”

“Pretty sure you guys can take care of my contribution. ”  Nix raised his glass in a mock toast.  “‘Nixon was drunk.’ is all that really needs to be added to, well, anything.   Now Sparky, not sure how you’re going to spin all the shit the boys have been saying about him since D-Day. Sparky likes to shoot people, maybe that's more important than shooting his shot with Lip.” 

“Well, you two were S-2s together right?   Find out.”  Bill said, making it an order not a suggestion and Babe squirmed beside him.

“You ordering me around now?”  Nix snorted, amused.

“It's for Lip.   So yeah.  If that psycho Sparky does it for him, then whatever it takes.”

Nix mulled that over as he tried to detect hints of any flavor other than alcohol in his Vat, but after so many drinks it was impossible.   He did however have an easier time of accessing memories he was drinking to forget and one of them was the image of Ron Speirs fussing over Carwood Lipton on a couch in a shelled out home.   Yeah, if anyone deserved that happy ending, it was Lipton.   “Okay, I'm in.”.  

Philadelphia, PA 1955

“Lew?”  Dick opened his hotel room door and wondered if it was a dream.

“Hey, I should have called.” Nix gave him a smile as if there wasn't a shit ton of unrectified issues between them.

“Yeah.” Dick rubbed his eyes.  What time was it?

“Heard we are trying to get one Lieutenant Lipton laid.”. 

He said it like drunk Sparky.   Oh God, what the hell did Bill do?   “Ron hasn't been very interested in the reunion or Ranney’s interviews for his book about Easy.”

“'If I tell ya I have to kill ya', motto of S-2s”. Nix offered Dick a Pork Roll sandwich and drank his coffee.   “Then again Ron just saved time and didn't tell anyone shit and killed them.”

“Except Carwood.”

“Well you too, but you know…” Nix cleared his throat.  “Anyhow, what happened last night that sent Bill and Babe driving to Princeton, then New York?  Lip get drunk and moan Sparky's name or something?   Confess they did more than cuddle, drink schnapps and eat strudel to cure his pneumonia?”

“I don't actually know.  I think Carwood just knew the last time he saw Ron a little too fast and now Bill wants the next reunion to be their wedding.”  Dick admitted, still trying to wake up and determine if this was just a dream.

“Good guy, Gonorrhea.”

Dick reached out and grabbed Nix's arm, looked at his watch, and let go.  He was still in his pajamas and it was 0400, Nix's normal bedtime but still early for him.  He made it this far without asking why Lew was here because he was convinced it was a dream.   Dream or not, he asked,   “Is that the only reason you're here?”

“No.”. Nix said and Dick held his hotel room door open for him and he entered.  “I was afraid of seeing you and…”

Dick closed the door and pulled him into a kiss.  To hell with it, if it was a dream he'd enjoy it, if it wasn't it was the first time in a year they had talked.  “I've missed you. So much .”

“And us falling back into this when it never works out.” Lew said but kissed him back.  God, it felt so good.

“I watched a war movie and all I could think about was you.   How the world needs to know what you did.” Dick said, running his hands over his face.   Of course Lew didn't shave.

“That I never shot anyone? That I drank?  Got demoted?”. Nix snorted.  “You are the only one who is blind to all my faults, my many many faults.”

“I wasn't blind to them, that's what made me leave.”  Dick said and put his head on Lew’s forehead.  Kissing and falling into bed was not going to fix their problem.  

“For Korea?”

“Lew, I had no choice.”

“You leaving, possibly going to war without me; Me, unable to do it again, yeah, it broke me.    So, uh,  sorry you came home to a mess but I get you not wanting to fix me.  You should understand that calling me and talking about the good times only makes me recall what a fuck up I am.  So, yeah, Dick we have a choice.  Torturing ourselves with friendship or just staying the fuck away while I self destruct again.”

“Right.”. Dick said.  

“So here we are again.  4 am and I've been up drinking and am coming to bed and you are ready to go take a swim and start your day.”

“Pool doesn’t open this early.”

“Nobody is up this early, just walk in and swim.”

It was always that easy for Nix.  Just do it, pay later. “My life is empty without you.  You are in my every waking thought.  You are never far from me even if you try to keep me as far away as possible.   I just hoped you were somewhere with Irene and enjoying Paris or California or..”

“Divorced.   She couldn't put up with me any more either.”

“Lew..” Dick said softly, pained.  If he had known, he would have been there.

“Took the dog.”  Nix huffed.   “Can’t even be upset about it because I probably wasn’t the best person to take care of him.”

Dick waited, waited for an acknowledgement of anything he just said.  Everything he just admitted.  Nothing.   Lew just looked away.

“Yeah, so uh, what's the deal with Sparky?  Something about hearing loss?” Lew stepped back out of his embrace, immediately feeling the loss of his touch.

Dick gave up and just turned to go back to bed.

“Dick, bare with me.  I’ve been drinking. I got into a car with Bill and Babe babbling for several hours. I drove to Philly from New York. Turnpike is great now, by the way. I’m wired.   Wired on coffee, our history, Sparky and Lip possibly fucking in the lobby when I get here, seeing you again and God you look good . How do you always wake up so perfect?  I haven't had any sleep.... for two days?   Dick, I’m three sentences away from picking a fight and we don’t need that, so help me work.  Work on getting Sparky to your book signing or whatever the hell you’re doing.”

“Mike Ranney is interviewing whoever wants to talk about Easy for his book.”  Dick said.

“Well, I could talk about you.”  Nix offered but knew that wasn't what he wanted.

“Yeah.”  Dick just sat on the bed and waited.  

“I…”  Nix hesitated because opening those floodgates would be bad right now.   “Need Sparky’s number?  Address?   Where the hell is he?”

“California and he’s not taking my calls.”

“Well Bill Guarnere just called in an air strike and I’m going to deliver.  If only for you.  Give me his contact info.”

"On the desk.”  

Nix went over and flipped through his address book and got the information, wrote it on some hotel stationary and tried to think of anything he could say.  “Let me get this rolling and I’ll be right back.”

“Sure.”  Dick said and flopped back into bed and started at the ceiling.

“Dick, just give me a few minutes to get past the buzz of all this, then I give you whatever you want."

"Mmm."  Dick listened to him leave and closed his eyes. 

“Nix, I didn't think you were coming.”  Lip was up early, too early, having tossed and turned all night thinking about Ron.   He decided to sit in the conference room and write down some recollections in the journal Ranney left out like a guest book, for people to just write out little antidotes.   He was shocked when Nix walked in.

“Turns out that the only one anyone wants cumming is you.” Lew said and put a coffee in Lip's hand.

“ What ?”

“Why is everyone so concerned about Sparky ten years later?  I mean, last time he was here everyone was gossiping about jobs they heard he got fired from and other shit.   Then he never comes back, which I get, but now you're apparently looking so sad and in need of a good fuck that Bill and Babe come drag me out of a bar last night.  In New York City.”

Shit.  Of course those two would drive all the way to New York on a whim.   “I literally only said his last reunion was in 1947.”

“Apparently too fast because now I'm here and thinking about what I need to say to Sparky to get him pissed enough to pistol whip me and demand I call him ‘sir’.”  Nix hummed at that.  “You know, if you don’t want him maybe that’s the tough love I need to fix me.”

“I think this is going to be my last reunion too.”  Lip mumbled and closed the journal and pushed it aside.   Nix was like a hunting dog, once he was onto something he didn't give up.

“You and me both.”. Nix said and offered him a cigarette, Lip declined.  “So?  Are you going to tell me or do you want me to start asking my own questions at this reunion for my book, called ‘Sinners in Rachamps-it was you first Sergeant’.  Opening line will be ‘Bless me father, for I have sinned.’”

“I hate everyone in this company.”

“That's family for you, Lip.”

“Fine, what's with you and Winters?” Lip countered, gloves were off.

“He got recalled for Korea and I had a meltdown.”  Nix felt like fair was fair, if he was prying into Lip’s love life he deserved some quid pro quo.  

“Ron couldn't wait for Korea and we…fought.”  Lip took a deep breath.  He hadn't told anyone that.   Maybe that's why he couldn't sleep.  

“The old ‘I'm already dead' speech?”

“Yeah.”

“I got the ‘I don't have a choice but don't pull strings for me' speech.”  Nix winked and sat down next to him.  

“I was harder on him than I should have been.  It was his job.”

“Yeah.   Got to love being in love with a fucking hero.”  Nix took a long drag on a cigarette.  “Then again, you’re not so bad yourself, Lieutenant.    Just me who is the shitshow.”

“Heard your house burned down?”

“This is why the rumors fly around this company, nobody asks questions and just accepts it as truth.”  Nix chewed his cheek.  “I was drunk.  Smoking.  Fell asleep.  Couch caught fire.  Woke up called fire department.  Just a little scorching of the plaster.  Couch was trashed. That’s all.  It was two years ago, for Christ sake.”

“Explains why your phone was off the hook.”

“Yeah.”  Nix shrugged.  “Sorry I didn’t RSVP.”

“I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to sit around and reminisce.”

“But my seat was reserved.”  Nix had passed by his table on the way over to this one, saw him seated next to Dick.  

“You are a party crasher.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“I appreciate the concern about my relationship with Ron but…” Lip didn’t really know what to say.   “I didn’t handle it well when he told me things were ramping up again and it was just a matter of time before we were at war once more.   He was excited, the Army in peace is boring, and he was eager to do something.   At that time, he didn’t know it would be Korea, but he knew it was going to be something in the fight against communism and the cause didn’t matter as much as doing something.   He came to the reunion and was happy, and everything up until we went outside was great.    He was divorced, I was divorced.   We had time to adjust to life post war and seeing each other rekindled some old fires.   It was great until he shared with me that he was looking at getting deployed in the next few years and I took it personally.”

Nix nodded.  “I get that.  Trust me, I get it.”

“Maybe I read into everything wrong.  Maybe he was just here for a weekend foray and I made it something more.”

“Yeah.”  Nix said and handed Lip his cigarette.   “I had the opposite.   I brought Dick home to my own personal war in my family, expected him to wait it out and then he was stuck in my factory while Dad whored around, my Mom was sick, my sister was deteriorating, Kathy was demanding I do something with my kid but only what she approved of and Irene was just didn’t really care who I was fucking as long as I was happy.   I took him from one war into another and he put up with it long enough.    Then the Army called and I acted like I was the only one entitled to him, when I was really neglecting him except when I was at my worst, and I blamed him for all of it .   He should have shot me.   I didn’t see how much he didn’t want to go to Korea until he resigned his commission and came home to me at rock-fucking-bottom.   Then he quit his job with us and went home.   I wasn’t there for him.”

“I am here for him.”  Lip said, getting pissed at Ron for just walking the fuck away from everything.  “We planned this.  The end of the war, two years, the reunion.   For the boys, but god dammit it was all about us coming home and back together.  And I was an idiot, I know how much he needs to be this image of what he created, how he’s become that insane officer who runs through fire and shoots first and doesn’t ask questions later.   He’s been searching his entire life for what he is and that is it, and I…”

“Sometimes a guy just is what he is, despite the desire to change for someone too good for them, Lip.  Trust me, it’s not about you.” Nix took the book and looked at it, 'Easy Does It- The story of the men of Easy Company, 506PIR.' It had a nice ring to it.

“That’s the problem, it wasn’t about me.  And during the war, it was all about me.”  Lip handed the cigarette back.  “So having him choose the Army over me in peace, when I had been first in the Army during a war, set me off.  And it’s taken me this long to realize that.  It wasn't his fault.  He was honest with me and himself, I just reacted badly.”

“Oh, I get it.   I made Dick my priority all through the war, wherever he was- I was.   Then we came home and I forgot how shitty my life was.   The Army made things simple, you know?  Hell, Easy made us all feel safe enough to explore the idea of love like we did.   But the real world, my world, has never been easy.   And Dick waited long enough for me to put him first, and instead I wasn’t there when he needed me.   Just like in Germany when he came to me, after my jump with the 17th, and was so excited I was back because he was weighed down and I was who could carry him in that brief moment of weakness... and instead I was bitching about writing death notices and didn’t give a shit I was demoted.   I let him down.”

“Ron let me down.”  Lip said and finally got pissed enough to do something about it.  “He’s the company commander , and he should be here.  He came up with this idea, he is hiding in the Army to avoid figuring out how to deal with how hard it is to come home.   God dammit, Easy deserves better than that.”

Nix raised his eyebrows as Lip left pissed.   He looked at his watch, not even 5 am.   Well, look at him accomplishing the mission in less than six hours.   That deserved a drink.

“I’m…what? ”

“A fucking coward.”  Lip said and realized it was some awful time in the morning in California where Ron was stationed but he didn’t care.   “This is your Company. You commanded it the longest.  You led them out of the worst fight of their lives and to the end of the war and you’re not here to see if they’re surviving the war of being home.  Get your ass out here, now , Major.”

“ Carwood ?”

“Yes, Ron.”

“ I’ll be on the next plane .”

And he hung up and Lip stared at the phone in his hand and was still fired up.   He was expecting to have more time to argue, to have him hang up after telling him to never call again.   

Now what the hell was he going to do!? 

“Guess who got Sparky to come to the reunion.”   Nix said as he waltzed into Dick’s room.

“Probably not you.” Dick said and ran his hand through his hair after his shower and walked past Nix to get in his suitcase.

“Well it was Lip, but I got Lip pissed off enough to call him and tell him off and now he’s on the next flight out of San Francisco.  How about that for a win?” Nix asked but could tell Dick had been up and overthinking since he left him half an hour ago.   The shower was to do something, not get clean. 

“And Bill and Babe got you here, looks like Easy can still pull off miracles.” Dick said and kept staring at his clothes that Ann helped him pick out for the reunion.  

Nix looked at the bed, feeling his energy start to wane.  “I think I need to crash.”

“Just in time to avoid talking about us.” Dick said, giving up on clothes and wondering if he needed to give up on Nix too.

“Dick Winters, when are you going to give up on me?”

“Never.” Dick choked out.  Damn him for reading his mind.

“All I do is let you down.”

“According to who?”

“You.  Leaving.”

“I didn’t need you trying to kill yourself with alcohol while I was gone.”  Dick reminded him.

“I’m not good with the thoughts in my head these days, Dick.    Instead of being there with you to think about keeping you alive, I was left thinking about all the ways you could die.”  Nix admitted.  "And the war gave me some very very vivid images of the ways that could happen."

“I was at Fort Dix and Ranger training.”  Dick reminded him.  "I delayed being shipped out for two years."

“And then you ended up on the West coast about ready to get tossed into Korea, that call…”  Nix shook his head. 

"Lew..."

“I was sure the next one I was going to get was going to be from your Mom about how some guy in a uniform showed up at her door and told her the great Dick Winters died for his country. “  Nix confessed.   "That same bullshit about dying a hero, that makes nobody feel any less hollow."  

“I didn’t.   I didn’t go.”  Dick reminded him.   He had the option when in Seattle to just exit and resign his commission. He did.  Then he came home and Nix was a mess.

“When your brain works on strategy and possibilities, you can’t tell it otherwise.  I was convinced that was how I would lose you.  To death or the Army.”  Nix sat down on the bed and watched Dick lean against the dresser in just a towel, hair wet and body still glistening with water.  “And I couldn’t muster the courage to go with you this time.  That's what did me in.   I let you go alone.” 

“Lew,   I didn’t go .  I came home to you and you were already so far gone…”  Dick turned back to his suitcase.   “Lew, I had to help Irene take you to the hospital.   She’s not stupid, she knew what caused you to drown in the bottle.   Nothing like coming home to you half dead and your wife realizing I was the mistress and both of us knowing we weren’t enough to save you.  So, I am truly sorry to hear she left you too.”

“Yeah.”  Nix rubbed his pant legs and tried to come up with something that wasn’t just getting on his knees and begging for forgiveness.  Which was why he had stayed the hell away from Dick, because he made him weak and clingy and he knew he was unsalvageable.  “Did you manage to buy your farm?”

“I’m making payments, the farm is smaller than I’d like, but the local feed store owner is getting older and wants to turn it over to someone who cares about the business.   I work the hay fields when it’s the season for it, mix grain at the mill, and help him with paperwork.   Turns out Hitler’s silverware was a pretty good down payment.”

“I thought you were going to save that for just plain dinnerware, like Harry.”  Nix said and Dick stopped picking out clothes.

“Things changed.”

“Do you think I can change?”

“I believed that once.”  Dick said and closed his suitcase.  “I don’t think you want to.”

“I asked you to come home with me and I should have gone home with you.”  Nix said and looked up as Dick turned to give him a curious look.  “Talking with Lip, I realized I brought you home to another war I’ve been fighting on my own against my world,  family, myself.   And I don’t know if I was bringing in reinforcements because I knew if anyone would shield me from my Dad, it would be you, or if I just forgot how shallow everything was…but I never intended for it all to go to hell like it did.   Asking you to come home with me, god I was so nervous, like I was asking you to marry me…..and it was a proposal.   Until I came home.    And it was back to being family fuck-up Lewis.   Divorce papers to sign.   What the hell did that achieve, Lewis?   And Mom was dying.   I should have said fuck it all and ran off with you.”

“Lew, if it makes you feel better, I don’t think your problems started when you came home.”

Nix laughed.  “God, I've missed you.   That classic Dick Winter’s  talk about how disappointed you were by some fucking drunk trying to figure out how to be a soldier when seeing friends die and kids fly out of planes on fire. Nobody is ever up to your standard.  Except Lip, I guess.   He’s a hell of a soldier and keeping his shit together, even has the balls to go yell at Sparky.   And then there is Sparky, who you love as an attack dog but judge the shit out of.  He’s a career soldier now, Dick, like what is this book going to do for him?   War is his job now.   Not for just a year in combat, he’s got another whole war under his belt.  What does this book do for him other than make him look like a killer?”

“Lew, you’re starting that argument you didn’t want to start.”

“I know.  Because it’s a defense mechanism.   Who wants to stick around when I’m an asshole?”

“I do.”  Dick answered quickly.  Then corrected himself.  “I did.”

“And I want you to, that’s the worst part.”  Nix said and finally reached for his flask.  “Promise, I have been good.  For hours.   Right now I’m unraveling and I need this.   I really need a drink.”

“I think everyone would like to see you again if you can stay sober enough to be social.” Dick said as Lew took a long ass drink.

“Nobody liked me, Dick.  Just you and Harry.  And Harry liked my unending supply of booze more than me.”  Nix admitted.

Dick went over to him and got between his legs, pulled his head into his abdomen and ran his hands through his hair.   God help him, he loved this man even when he was like this.   “Lew, do you want to come back to my farm with me?”

Nix froze.  “Why…would you do that?”

“Because I love you and being without you is living in darkness.   Even working towards a dream of mine, working all day and weekends, I still think of you.   I just want you to be happy.   I thought Irene could drag you away somewhere and you could be touring the world and doing everything you could in order to not stay in one place.   Your lifestyle is not mine, but your lifestyle is a prison for you.   So, if you think you can drive a tractor, and I don’t mean like you drive a car, then I could use a hand with hay this year.   You sit and drive, I’ll stack the wagon.”

“I set my couch on fire.”

“What?”

“Smoking.   I fell asleep.  Couch caught fire.  On your birthday, back in '53.”  Nix said.  “House is still standing but my neighbor mentioned wanting to buy the house.  Probably to get rid of me so his house doesn’t go up in flames and he doesn’t have to see headlights in his window when I come home at 4 am.   Most definitely will raise his offer if Guarnere and Heffron were there this morning being riff-raff.”

“I’m not sure what you’re telling me.”

“That I already gave Irene her money from the divorce so the house is inconsequential and kind of burnt, so maybe you want the money from it to buy more land?   Now that you have an extra hand?” Nix looked up at him, gave a weak smile.

“I don’t need you to buy me anything in exchange for the offer.   I want to help you, if you want to be helped.” Dick rubbed his head and ran his fingers through some greasy long hair.   “First thing is you need a haircut.   Liebgott needs to clean this up after you shower.”

“Oh good, we’re back to you assuring everyone I shave everyday as if they care about my beard and not if it tickles your thighs when I suck you off.”  Nix laughed into his stomach and wrapped his arms around him.

“Take a shower, Lew.  Think it over.  Of course there will be an interview, I’m not sure you have any qualifications, so salary will be on a room and board basis.”

“Hell of a deal.”

“Long days in the field, Lew.”

“Ride me hard and put me away wet, Dick.”

“Take a shower.”

“Take one with me.”

“I just took one.”

Nix rubbed his head all over Dick’s abs and then looked up at him.  “You got Jersey whore and smoke smell all over you, Major.”

“I’ll never get an honest day's work out of you.”  Dick said and stepped away but gave in and dropped his towel and walked to the bathroom.  “By the way, there will be no smoking in the barns or when doing hay.”

Nix took a deep breath.   Okay, this was happening.  No second or fiftieth chances, do or die.   He stood up and started to shed his clothes, walking out of them because that drove Dick insane.   It would make him see the guy he used to know might just still be in this very soft body that was probably going to die in a hayfield in Central Pennsylvania. “Dick, I’ve already been to a boarding school where they worked my ass off and had cold showers. Promise me the shower is warm.”

“I’d never do anything cold after Bastogne, Lew.”

“Thank God.”  Lew shed his clothes faster and quickly made his way to the bathroom and then stopped. “Oh, God, I forgot what normal hotel showers looked like.”

“I have a clawfoot bathtub with a curtain at my house, and it’s way too small for me.”

“Reminds me of Paris.”  Nix said and got in the shower, despite his bitching, and pushed Dick against the wall and kissed him.   “I’ll take you there, again.”

“Can’t.  No days off on a farm.”

“Fuck.  The boss is as bad as Sobel.”

“I am the boss.”

“Yeah, you are.  What you say goes.”  Nix said and kissed him lightly.  “Even if it’s me. Last chance, I’m going to do it right.”

“We’ll, see.”

Nix laughed, god their moments were so ingrained in a love language he forgot how easy it was to fall back into a memory of what they used to be.   Two guys looking up at the fog talking about jumping into fucking Normandy and his stupid ass offered to take him to Chicago of all places.  He fell into kissing him again, making up for the years apart and remembering those lips like it was yesterday when he last felt them.  

Lip knew if Ron said he was on the way, he’d be on the way, so he went to the front desk and informed them the new guest could have a key to his room since the hotel was booked solid with Airborne guys.   Ron would figure it out as soon as they handed him the key at check-in, which would give him enough time to make his way to the second floor and prepare himself for the reunion without feeling like it was an ambush.

It had been eight years since they saw each other--four since he got a postcard telling him simply ‘I’m home’ to inform him that Ron indeed made it back from the war-- and a long twelve hours that day thinking about him flying across the country.  He had stayed busy, between the interviews and preparing the conference room for Saturday night’s activities.  The Saturday night reunion dinner was already in full swing when he stepped out for a smoke, timing it just right to see Ron step out of a cab and tip the driver.  The cigarette almost fell out of his mouth, ache filled his chest and his eyes took in every inch of Ron Speirs as he bent over to pay through the window and then turned to lock eyes with him.

He looked good.  Lip felt his mouth go dry.    That suit made him look so civilian, but his posture was so ingrained in the military at this point there was no mistaking he was a soldier.   “You made it.”

“Yes, sir.” Ron said and walked up to him, unable to stop smiling and the greeting was enough to make Carwood flush a little.  He scanned his face, drank him in, held out his hand to shake and Carwood rolled his eyes and hugged him instead.  He relaxed immediately, hugging him back, tighter than he should and whispered in his ear.  “I missed you.”

“I’m sorry for calling you a coward, I was pissed and it was extreme.  I didn’t mean it.”

“You were right to escalate to that extreme, nothing else was going to put me on a plane.”  Ron reluctantly let him go.  The cabbie brought his luggage over and thanked him for the generous tip and left. 

“Dinner has already started, I had them put you in my room since the place is booked.”  Carwood got his hand slapped when he went to reach for the luggage and rolled his eyes. 

“Please express to the reunion committee my appreciation for those accommodations.” Ron said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

Lip shook his head and held the door for him and took a deep breath.  They fell right back in step, right back into the smooth and seamless way of being beside each other that had made him want this man more than anything.   Yet the last time they saw each other it ended so badly they didn’t speak for years.   Lip led him to  the elevator and pressed the button for 'up', telling himself to not get too comfortable.   “Will you visit Boston while you’re on the East Coast?”

“Actually both my parents died a few years ago.”  Ron said softly.  “Nothing for me in Boston, anymore.   War kept me away from them too, I made a choice and it cost me some irreplaceable people.”  Ron said simply and Carwood’s sad, sympathetic eyes turned to him and expressed the grief he immediately felt from that.  Still the same old Carwood.

“Ron, I’m sorry.” Lip said as the elevator doors opened, they entered and he pressed the button for the second floor.  Ron stepped in, put the bag down and stood close to him.

“I had the opportunity to stay.  I didn’t.” The doors closed, the elevator started to move, Ron turned and touched his cheek.  “ I knew I’d disappoint all of you so I just went back to doing what I did best.  Cowardice?   Probably.  Prefer to think of it as an adequate assessment of the challenge but that doesn’t cut it when you hurt the people you love.”

Lip leaned into the touch.

“So, before I make that mistake again, lead you on to think I have changed…I need to tell you I’m training at the Army Language School, taking courses in Russian and German so I can take a job in Berlin.”

“Oh.”  Lip pulled away from his caress.

“I don’t like our world, Carwood.   The tensions of the Cold War, threat of a war worse than what we fought, a country scaring its own citizens to be picture perfect nuclear families…not what I fought for.”  Ron said.  “The best days of my life were with you, in Europe, and that world existed in a bubble and I don’t know how to recreate it.   I’m not the same.”

“I am pretty sure that was the point of staying in touch.   Since we all went through something horrible together?”  Lip said as the doors opened and he stepped out, the elevator ride felt like a trip back to reality- the one where he and Ron couldn’t exist outside the army.  He made it to his room, opened the door and asked himself why he was accepting that?  When did they ever accept that something was impossible and give up?

“I’ve told you this before, they had you and still do.  You led them through more than I ever did and you are here…”  Ron stepped inside the room and almost got knocked over by Carwood slamming into him, slamming him into the wall and kissing him.   The door to the room closed behind them and he melted into Carwood's kiss and his body pressed against him, they kissed with the passion of two people who spent too long apart.

“Shut up.”

Ron put his arms around him and smiled as he kissed him.  Kissed him like it was everything he had been hungering for for years .  And the truth was, it really was.   They had to break away, both of them heaving with heat of the moment, but they still were pressed into each other.   It was merely their lips that separated a few inches.  “So this isn’t about the men ?  Because I don’t think any of them are disappointed they can’t pin me to the wall of a hotel room and kiss me.”

“Nix, probably.”

“Well he’s not here.”

“Sure is. Bill and Babe somehow dragged him out of New York.”

“Impressive.”

“And I think Alton More might be hoping you want Hitler’s photo album back.  He had a thing for you.”

“Yeah, definitely mark me down as a coward for not wanting to come and fuck them.”

Lip closed his eyes, pressed his forehead against Ron’s and breathed in his scent.  “I was mad.”

“I like you mad.”

“I was willing to just let you go after you chose the war over me.”

“It…”

“Ron.  Please.” Lip opened his eyes to give him a look that had more authority than his voice could muster.

“Fine, I’ll shut up.”  Ron said softly.

“I wanted you to choose me because I chose you.  This whole reunion, the divorce, the job I took so I could work internationally..” 

“You took a job so you could work overseas?”  Ron raised his eyebrows. Lip gave him a look and he shut his mouth. 

“Best time of my life was with you and I even want to buy a fucking Mercedes because of the memories I have…with you.”

Ron cocked an eyebrow.

“Not to shoot it or drive it over a cliff.”  Lip clarified. 

“Permission to speak, sir?”  Ron asked and got a tug on his coat for that and a brilliant grin.

“Granted.” Lip cracked a smile.

“First, I’m into this role reversal.”  Ron said with a slight grin and Carwood blushed a little. “ Really into it.”

“Not much of a surprise, you always liked me yelling at you.”

 “But second, I wasn’t ready.  Two years wasn’t enough to figure out who I was without the uniform.  You deserve better.   You deserve to not have to find answers and solutions for me when I come home, and that fight back in ‘47 just made me realize that our relationship was the longest I ever had and I was already ruining it.  Couldn't do that to us.”

“So you left the reunion, stopped writing, stopped calling, left for Korea, came back and now are going to learn Russian and go to Germany?”  Lip clarified.

“ I did get on a plane and come to Philly.”

“Because I yelled at you.”

“And we have established I am always turned on by that.”

“Enough to fly across the country at a moment’s notice?”

“Told the army it was a family emergency.”  Ron shrugged.  “And this is family.”

“This is going to be worse than ‘47 because now you’re going to..” Lip closed his eyes.  Speaking Russian and going to Germany, he was going to be some liaison or some spook or something untouchable.  “ Berlin .”

“Unless I fail the course.”

“Yeah, Mr. Competitive, that’s going to happen.” Lip ran his hand over his chest and tugged on his tie.  “You probably want some sleep.”

“I haven’t seen you since 1947 and you think I want to sleep ?”

“How about you come down to the reunion while it’s still going and we talk about those options later?”  Lip asked.

“Guess I better refrain from offering you smokes outside this time.”

“I’m not planning to let you walk out of my life this time.”

“Yes, sir.”  Ron said and instead of being let go, Carwood tugged on his tie, studied his lips and when his eyes returned to his own he saw a need for something else.  "We could walk out of our pants first on the way to the bed?"

"I'll follow you anywhere."  Lip said and yanked him down to him by the tie and kissed him, then they walked each other back to the bed, fighting to get each other's clothes off.

“You look well fucked.” Ron observed as Nix came up to him, a huge grin on his face, squealing ‘Sparky’ in that half Jersey/Half jackass way of his and hugged him.   Then he grabbed his ass.  “Fucker, you’re looking for your hand to be broken.”

“Just checking to see if it's healed from you getting shot.  Gotta exercise that stuff or it gets scar tissue, right Lip?  How are your balls?”  Nix chirped, feeling more live than he had in years.

“It was my thigh.”  Lip said dryly.

“Aren’t you a pair.” Nix drawled.

“My pair is fine.” Lip countered.

“Speaking of.”  Ron pushed Nix off him and back at Winters.  “Good to see you Dick, sorry I’ve missed your calls.”

“No, you’re not.” Dick replied.

“No, I’m not, but you’ve been harassing the shit out of me and couldn’t take a hint.” Ron said with a smile.

“I…” Dick frowned.  Maybe he put too much pressure on him.   “Feel this project is very important and not having you be a part of it isn’t going to work.   You command this company longer than anyone.  They were yours when we won the war.”

“If you don’t talk, I will .”  Nix said and his smug smile was definitely a threat.  “Remember that time when you got promoted to Captain?  And I bought drinks to celebrate your promotion?  Remember getting so fucking wasted you were whining about how ‘They ruin you when they make you a captain’ and ‘I want Carwood.  I need him now.’?”

Lip winced.  God, he remembered that night like yesterday.   Drunk Ron staggering into their billet, falling onto his bed, crying .  Literal tears coming down his cheeks as he rambled about ‘They ruin you when you become captain, they ruin you.’ and going on and on about how he took such great care of himself until that moment.  He could remember his face that night, he looked so young and innocent. They were so young, it was hard to remember that.  Twenty five years old and already experiencing something that would define the rest of their lives.  If Ron took care of him when he was sick, his moment was taking care of Ron when he was drunk and mortified by it.  Lip had to smile,  “I should have known that was you.”

Nix hummed, Sparky’s face didn’t change but his eyes certainly darkened at the mention of that memory.  He held out his flask and shook it.  “Want to get started on recreating that memory?”

“I’d ask what has gotten into you, but it’s clearly Dick.”  Ron said and Dick blushed and Nix lit up.  “Go ahead and tell Ranney whatever you want.  I’ve never cared what anyone said about me and that hasn’t changed.”

“You’re no fun.”  Nix pouted.

“It’s good to see you.”  Dick said.

“Oh, and soooo glad you’ve gotten some help with that hearing problem of yours in time for the reunion.”  Nix said and unscrewed his flask and took a little sip as he wiggled his eyebrows at Ron.

“You’re having hearing problems?”  Lip asked, understandably concerned and Ron rolled his eyes.  No.  He had ‘Winters being overly aggressive with his need to write a book’ problems.   Ron, despite everyone’s grievances with him, could be very polite even if he resorted to lying.

“I’m still active army, remember?  War.  Live fire.   New protocol to bomb the ever-loving shit out of countries we’re occupying.  Plus Dick’s long distance calling plan is staticy.”

“It is not.”  Dick said.

“Hard to have static on the line when you’re using a telegraph or whatever carrier pigeons the Amish use.”  Nix hummed and Dick frowned at him.  “Hey, guess who offered me a job?”

“Only one person who would do that.”  Ron said and looked at Dick.

“I need a farm hand.” Dick said and Nix just grinned like he wasn’t about to embark on the worst employment decision of his life.

“For what?  Jerking you off?” Ron countered and Nix lost it.

“Oh my God, Sparky! I have missed you so much!”  Nix laughed and wiped tears from his eyes.

“We all have.”  Lip said and Ron gave him his sweet adoring smile as he put a hand on his elbow to get him away from these two before conversation went further downhill.  “So, how about you make your rounds with the guys and have some dinner?”

“Yes, dear.”  Ron said and Nix bubbled with more laughter, to the point he was having trouble breathing.   Dick looked both worried and so in love with his idiot.  

Lip shook his head and pulled him over to their table, having added an extra chair between him and Bill Guarnere for their Captain.   “Look who finally showed.”

“Well poetic really that he sweeps in when the party is half over.”  Bill said and stood up and offered his hand to shake.   “At least you managed it before I got hauled off and sent home this time.”

“Have to let the rumors catch like a wildfire before I want to show up and spook everyone.”  Ron replied and took his hand.  Firm shake longer than it should have been, Bill’s eyes going to Lip and then back to him.  Silently saying ‘don’t fuck this up this time’.   

“Here to talk to Ranney about the book?”  Babe asked, noting how pleased Lip looked to be escorting Speirs around.   “Hey, sit and eat.  I’m sure the hotel will reheat it if you want.”

“Still eating army food, Heffron.”  Ron sat and Lip sat down beside him.  The chairs were close, there was no need for them to be this close, but clearly the individuals at the table felt otherwise.  “Cold is fine.”

“So how is the Army?”  Bill asked.  “You been in ten years now?  Right?  What’s the contract like, you going to stay in for life?”

“Subtle.”  Lip said and picked up his fork to finish off the rest of his meal.

“What?  No fucking around here.  You’re turning into an old maid.”  Bill said.  “I didn’t go drag Nix out of drunken hibernation in order to drag this asshole out of a foxhole to let you two fuck it up again.  So, you planning to stay in the army forever or is there some light at the end of the tunnel, sir ?”

“My contract was for six years plus two.  Overlapping my original service, which means this year I need to make that call.”   Ron said and felt Lip pause, his fork hovering over a piece of Philly cheesesteak.  

“Well, imagine that.”  Bill said and kicked out under the table and watched Speirs wince.  “Oh sorry, meant that for Lip.”

Lip heard Babe giggle and sighed. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yeah.”  Bill said and leaned back in his chair, slung his arm behind his wife and waved at Guth who was unofficial photographer for the event.  “Hey, picture time.”

Lip looked over as Ron inhaled his food.   He was always a fast eater, things never changed.   So the option was Berlin or an exit from the army.  A crossroads.   Fate was something .  

“You’re really at a point where you can leave the army?   If you want?”

“If I want.” Ron said, the question hung heavy in the air so he asked, “Do you want me to?”

“Not my call.”

“I thought we were doing that role reversal thing again.”  Ron said. 

“Ron, it’s your life.  Your career.   I haven’t seen or talked to you in…”  Lip paused.  Eight years. Six plus two.   “ Fuck .  You re-signed in 1947 ?”

“I would have been reserves anyway, I would have gone to war.   Preparing for it was essential, I wouldn’t have wanted to go to Korea any other way.” Ron shrugged.

“That’s not what I was asking.” Lip said and turned to look at him.  

“It’s like stepping out of a plane, Carwood.   Just one DZ or another.”

“And I was an option?”

“When I came to the reunion, yes.   When I was at the reunion, no.  It wasn’t about you, Car.   I was in the room with the guys, crowded as hell, and felt them in limbo.   Felt like we were in a C-47 ready to puke because of those air-sickness pills, the air was thick with sweat and prayers, the altitude wasn’t helping, the plane rattling in your whole body and this gut wrenching feeling of anticipation and fear.  I couldn’t shake that and I realized I needed more time to stop feeling that way around the men, around you. It wasn’t like that in Austria, or two years after, but at that reunion I felt like we were boarding at Upottery again and knew I couldn’t do it.   You deserved better, so it was a choice that had to be made.”

“You could have told me.”

“And you would have helped.  I know.   But you help everyone, Carwood.  It’s who you are.   Your family, your men, everyone .  I want to be that person who is a partner again.   Like we used to be.   I can’t have this be one way.  You deserve someone who puts you first, dotes on you, forces you to bed when you’re sick, spoils you, helps you carry the burden of the world you feel belongs on your shoulders.”  Ron ran his hand over Lip’s shoulder and squeezed.  

Lip out his hand over his.  “That is exactly what partnerships are.   You help each other through your lows and share the highs.”

“Not sure I could have been helped any more than Nix can be helped through his problems.  Sometimes it takes losing what you love to make you realize part of your identity wasn’t what they wanted.”  Ron squeezed.

“Want me to work you into the ground on a farm?”  Lip asked, always amazed at what Winters could get out of one Lewis Nixon.  

“I don’t need years of booze sweat out of my pores.”  Ron said and licked his lips.  “But I won’t stop you from trying to work something out of me.”

Lip smiled.  “Or I just love you how you are and need to make you want a life with me more than Uncle Sam.”

“Never been in question, only question has been my ability and worthiness of that.”

“Well, I have all night to sweat that out of you.”

“Okay, sold my house.”

“What?”  Dick asked as he took his jacket off and loosened his tie.  Saturday went better than the previous night dinner and he knew it was because of Nix.  His energy filled the room.

“Princeton?  Charred house on Southern Way?   Sold.” Nix clarified.

“Do you want to wait until you determine if you even want to work for me?”  Dick was worried because Nix had no idea the hell that waited him on the farm.

“You cut me so much slack, I doubt that’s changed.”  Nix snorted.  “But I need a place for Blanche, she’s not been doing so great and I need her close.   Watching me suffer and toil in the field for you will amuse her.  So, if you know of a place with a house and some land locally, funds are available next week.   That way it’s a real estate transaction and not using my Nixon millions, trust fund or pocket change.  Make you feel better, Dick?”

“I’m just concerned you don’t know what you’re signing up for.”

“I’ll do it, just give me some time to get into shape again.   Probably should start now, right?” Nix said and patted the bed.  “Cardiac exercise?  Flexibility?  Lung capacity?  Things I got to work on.”

“You’re really going to just leave a bar on Friday and show up for farm labor on Monday?” Dick said it and knew that was exactly what he was planning to do.

“I'm going to get my clothes but something tells me none of them will work.  So, what’s the uniform? Do you work the fields shirtless? Care to plow me and show me what I can come to expect?”

“Apparently a ton of agriculture related innuendo.”

“I want your seed, Dick.”  Lew started to bubble with laughter.  “Mount me, stud.”

Dick went over and kissed him, the only way to shut him up.

Hershey, PA 1955

“Have you read Dick’s journals?”  Ann asked as she drank sweet tea with Blanche as their brothers bickered over how fast Lew was baling hay, without really arguing about it. Dick was worried Nix was going to break the new baler, Nix was hollering about ‘she can take it, can you?’ as Dick tried to stack the wagon faster.

“The ones where he writes about Lewis ninety percent of the time and it reads like a schoolgirl's obsession?  Yeah.”  Blanche said.   “Poor Mike Ranney is clearly trying to be objective with this book but Dick is applying so much pressure to make it about Lewis I think he’s about to just shelf the whole thing.”

“Did everyone know they were in love with each other?”  Ann asked.   She had known for years, Dick was obvious.  He was only happy when talking or looking at Lewis, he broadcasted his love for the man in everything he did.   Even their Mom saw it, mainly because without Lewis Dick became so retracted and moody.

“From what I can tell, yes.”  Blanche said.   “And you know me, I just come out and ask." 

“Have you seen the pictures?”  Ann asked.

“The ones where Dick is looking at Lewis like he’s the sun he revolves around or the ones where Lewis is plastered, pantless and wrapped in a little binkey in Hilter’s house?”

“The other ones.”

“There are more? ” Blanche said in her most gossipy, scandalized voice.   Of course there were more!  More than just a file of regimental photos and some gay ass engraved knife Lewis gave Dick which screamed of an engagement present.  It sat on the mantle in their house now, a testament to either their perseverance or Lewis’s ability to hunt down some poor guy from the 82nd who stole it and trade something for it.

“Dick has an entire box of more private photos.  Ones he sorted out of the pile for the book.” Ann smiled.  

“You mean there are some he thought were inappropriate ?”  Blanche gasped.  Dick seemed to have no filter whatsoever where Lewis was concerned, she just chalked it up to being oblivious, but eventually she saw how much he loved her brother and didn’t want to hide it;  Because Nixons hid everything, and love was just a four letter word.   Dick Winters saw Lewis and decided to spend the rest of his life trying to convince him he was a good man who deserved the very basic love of a family.

“Yeah.”

“But he showed you?”

“I think he was more in a rush to hide them than show me.” Ann said.  “Ranney was coming over to look at his notes and albums and I think he realized how bad it looked for them to be laying next to each other in Austria.  Or in the alps.  Or in England.”

“Well, show me now.  I know you asked permission, you're such a good girl.”

Ann blushed.   “Don’t talk like that outside of the bedroom.”

“The whole house is ours, dear.  If I want to eat you on the table, we can do that.”

“ Blanche .”  Ann said and flushed a shade of red that matched her hair.   She knew why, now, as she heard their brothers approaching.   Nixons and their fundamental love of embarrassing the people they adored.  

“It’s a brand new baler.”

“It’s meant to be stuffed and pound out the bales, sir. Says so in the manual.”

“It does not!”

“Well the manual is inside, I will prove it.”

“You’re just trying to get me inside.”

“Yes. Get inside of you.   I’ll read the whole thing to you while you shower and then illustrated the instructions personally.”

“You’re not supposed to run it in 3rd gear.”

“Windrow was light, and the bales were tight, weren't they?”

“Yes but…that baler needs to be broken in.”

“I lubed it plenty, Richard.”  Lew started laughing and screamed when Dick threw some hay chaff down his shirt.   They continued on like that, until they reached the porch.   “Hey, you girls decent!?”

“See?”  Blanche said smugly and then opened the screen door to let her brother and his man in, both covered in hay, dirt and sweat.

“ See .”  Ann said,  proving her point that any activities would have been walked in on.

“See what?”  Nix asked, shaking hay out of his hair on the porch before entering.  “Blanche naked?  Yeah, more times than I can count.   Thanks for keeping her in line, Ann, sick of walking in on my family being heathens.”

“I believe you hold the title for the Nixon household for walks of shame or just walking out of your pants.”  Blanche countered.

“This Nixon household…is yours, little sister.”  Nix said and grabbed a dish towel to try and help wipe off hay from Dick’s very tanned, very muscular, naked torso.   

“So what’s this I hear about pictures of you two that were too lewd to put in your book, Dick?”  Blanche asked and got slapped by Ann.

“Oh those .” Nix said as he stood on the porch and tried to rub off the hay chaff and other things off Dick but really just molested him until Dick grabbed the towel to do it himself.  Nix settled for fluffing it out of Dick’s hair.

“They were not that bad.”  Dick said.

“Then why didn’t you want them in your book?”  Ann asked.

“Oh because they were that bad.”  Nix assured them.   “I think if Forrest Guth ever opens an art gallery the world will stop spinning.  Between Dick and his desire to be photographed in PT shorts and Corcoran boots, his precious moments of staring at me while I talked, or Ron’s goddamn collection of smiling while posing with things he stole, the guy has enough material to get us locked up for life.”

“He didn’t take those pictures, he was stateside.”  Dick said, trying to keep the man out of it.

“It was his camera he left in his gear he thought he'd be able to get when he came back from his 30 days stateside.  And Ron picked it up and used it.”  

“And it was Harry, Carwood and Ron who took the pictures before returning the camera and film to him.”  Dick clarified, trying to keep things accurate now that he was writing down everything for the book.

“What about all those other pictures he took?  Earlier in the war?   Ron made him take pictures of everything, the guy wasn’t even in his company.  Him with his binoculars he stole off a dead German, Malarkey wearing burlap boots, Carwood digging a foxhole, Carwood in the background freezing to death of a bunch of other photos that didn’t seem significant at the time…. ”

“We should find that camera Buck Taylor had.  He said he left it in the hospital and forgot it.  Someone in England has that camera.”  Dick said, recalling what Forrest Guth told him at the reunion.  There were more photos of the company out there and he wanted them.

“We?  You mean me.”  Nix said.

“Yes, you have contacts in England.”

“You think Colonel Dobie is going to track down a camera from ten years ago because he gave me a blow job during the war?”  Nix snorted.

“You know I hate when you bring that up.”

“Yeah, which is when you usually suck the thoughts right out of my brain and mouth.”

“Not in front of my sister.”

“Obviously.”

“I mean talking about it or doing it.”

“Nag nag.”

“Get in the shower.”

“I’m not as filthy as you.”

“You’re worse.”

Ann leaned against the counter as they walked through the house to use the bathroom.  “I suppose you want lunch?”

“Lunch would be great.  Help will be here in a few hours to unload.”  Dick hollered back.

“Do the wedding guests know they’re going to have to stack hay?”  Blanche asked.   The field needed baled so they could use it for the wedding, the Lipton-Speirs wedding. 

“Ron is out of the army, he needs to stay fit for the new husband.”  Lewis slapped Dick’s ass as they moved through the living room.  “Some guys don’t like it when you let your body go to hell because you’re almost 40.”

“I don’t think Carwood has concerns about Ron’s liver, heart or lungs from a lifetime of substance abuse.”  Dick chastised him.

“You’re welcome for running it in third gear to keep you in shape, my love.”

“Yeah, you break the baler, you are stacking the wagon next time.”

“Oh yes, Major Winters, show me your harsh discipline.   Double time Currahee or stack the wagon in third gear, you're a peach.”

“Lewis, get in the shower.”

Ann rolled her eyes, but smiled.  Dick was so happy.   Blanche put her arm around her and kissed her temple, making her grin spread wider. 

“Darling, why don’t we leave lunch on the table and go sneak a peek at those scandalous photos.  Maybe take a few of our own.”

“You’re bad.”

“Mmm hmmm.”  Blanch hummed as she kissed down her cheek to her lips.  “Your brother was onto something about chronicling the best years of his life.   I want someone to find our pictures and see the same for us.   You saved my life, the world needs to know what the power of love can do.   Someday.   When it’s ready.  And even then, maybe someone who is of our particular persuasion will look at our pictures and say ‘they found a way, so will I.’”

“This wedding has turned you into a romantic.”

“For all our faults, the Nixon kids are honest. We just can’t handle the honesty when we look in the mirror.”  Blanche let her go and went to the icebox to get out some ham for sandwiches.  “Unless, of course, we can look past ourselves and see a naked Winters in our bed.”

Ann giggled, it was such a weird feeling when Blanche got like this.  It made her feel all emotions at once: embarrassed, flattered, loved.  “I love you too.”

“I also don’t want to be around when they have to stack hay, so let’s get the hell out of here before they get done getting off in our shower.”  Blanche put the plate of ham on the counter and kissed Ann.  “Besides, I know Lewis is planning to propose this weekend and I want to put those photos all over their bedroom.”

“Romantic.”  Ann started making sandwiches.

“He’s twice divorced, three times if you count their break up when Dick left for Korea, he’s nervous.  I’ve never seen him nervous.   It’s a push, it’s incentive, it’s a reminder of everything they have together and how Dick sees him.”

“Blanche, that’s so nice.” Ann said and slapped some ham, lettuce, tomato and bread together and  passed it to her to put mayo on.

“He’s carried me since Mom died.”  Blanche admitted.  “Time to pay him back for his dedication.  And this new life I am very much enjoying.”

“Who knew you rich kids would like farm life so much?”

“Well, it’s about the company.”  Blanche kissed her again. Then lewdly put her finger in the sandwich and Ann shivered as she saw it, then she squirted the mayo in.

“You’re bad.”  Ann said, now beet red.  “Tone it down this weekend.”

“Nobody is going to be watching us.   Between Dick and Nix being happy and the insane intensity of Ron and Carwood, nobody will see us if I want to finger something.”

“You better not.”  Ann huffed and put the sandwiches in the icebox for the boys.  “At least until we make it to their house.”

“I’ll start the car.”  Blanche said and left a note saying where they went and told them to enjoy lunch.   

“How serious are Blanche and Ann?”

“I don’t know, Dick, I think weddings make people think.”  Lew said as he sat next to Dick in the hay loft, legs swinging out of the barn, overlooking their family farm.  They just got done putting up a hundred bales at his sister's place and there were four hundred more waiting on the help to arrive.  It was time for a short break. “How serious are you about making Winter’s Farm the destination for gay weddings in the 101st Airborne?”

“Other than Ron and Carwood, I think everyone else has figured out their relationships by now.”

“I was talking about us.”  Nix said and pulled a ring out of his pocket and offered it to Dick.  “What do you say?   Maybe I can be a permanent hire?”

Dick looked at the ring.  

“My grandfather’s.  Uh, he and my grandma were something else.   She refused to marry him until he made something of himself.   So he  left the Navy, and went to work on building an empire so that he could return to her and say he was worthy.  I wish you could have met him, he would have loved you.   Anyhow, I hope I have made something of myself to be worthy of you, even if I just stopped drinking, lost weight and drive the tractor in third gear to watch your muscles flex in the afternoon sun as bales fire out of the baler like flak fire.”

“Lew…”  Dick took the ring and held it in his hand.   It was something beautiful. 

“Anyhow, he gave me this when she died back in ‘37.  Something about love he was trying to impress upon me, I guess?  I certainly didn’t get that from my parents' marriage, or mine, but it’s stuck with me as a lesson in sometimes you can’t just buy or push your way to what you think you’re entitled to.   Got to work for something this good.   I couldn’t wait to get home and give it to you, Chicago if you recall, but I came home and everything was shit.  I got dragged down and by the time you made it home, I was so saturated in booze, depression and avoiding it all that Chicago never happened.   Nixon did.   You gave me another chance though, and I can do this.   I promise.  I can do this with you.  I want this life, I want to talk about nitrates in reference to meat curing and fertilizer instead of explosives.  I want to patrol the barns in the middle of the cold nights looking for mares foaling and cows dropping calves in the worst possible place to have a baby.  I want to drive you insane by driving too fast.  I want to marry you.  Will you marry me, Dick Winters?  On our farm?”

“Yes, Lew.”  Dick said, the weight of the ring in his hand and Lew’s words sucked the breath out of him.  He leaned over and kissed him, breathlessly whispering, “Yes.”