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Ignatz Victor had a strong aversion to the dance floor, despite being the one who was chosen as the class dancer. A choice that he had been against at the time. A choice that he was less opposed to now that it had saved his friends’ lives.
Thankfully there was no one needing to be saved at tonight’s celebration.
The monastery was quiet once he exited the entrance hall, quiet enough that it almost seemed that peace had already been achieved. Ignatz found himself wandering towards the pond, a place where he could distract himself from the thoughts swimming in his head with the fish swimming in the water. The sky was clear tonight so he could take in the view of the stars reflecting along the water, turning it into a beautiful navy sheet of glass with slight hints of silver, disrupted only by the rare ripple created by the fish that appeared to be swimming in the sky.
“Hello Ignatz,” a soft voice spoke from the shadows of the greenhouse.
It seemed that he wouldn’t be alone with the fish or his thoughts.
“Ah!” Thankfully, Ignatz had arrived at the pond at exactly the right time. If he had been even a moment earlier, a sudden voice would have certainly scared him enough to cause a splash. Now he could simply turn to the side to look at Marianne exiting the greenhouse, rather than turning to look up at her from the water.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said as she moved towards him. “Are you alright?”
“No, I mean yes. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have— oh you probably came here to get away. I’m sorry for intruding, I can leave you alone if you’d like?”
“No. I’d like it if you stayed.” Even after all these moons he was still unused to a Marianne who spoke plainly about what she wanted. It made his stomach flutter in a way he was also unused to. “It’s not that I wanted to be alone, it’s just that I’m still not used to these parties … I am trying but it’s easier for me to be with the crowds of fish than the crowds of people.”
“I get that. The pond is so beautiful on a night like this. Cloudless skies are so rare these days that it’s important that we take the time to appreciate one. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy celebrating with our friends and allies but I just feel like this dark cloud hovering over— what?”
He cut himself off at the melodic sound of Marianne’s giggle.
“I don’t think anyone could ever see you as a dark cloud.” For some reason this brought a flush to Ignatz’ face. “Hehe especially not if they had to choose out of the two of us.”
“Oh, um thank you? I think? But you’re not a dark cloud either Marianne. You’re like the first sign of sun after a rainstorm, strong and inspiring, bringing out hope in everyone. Not that anyone seems to need any more hope these days.”
“You think there’s too much hope in the world?”
“No! Well, not exactly but … yes? Everyone seems so certain that the war will end and we’ll be at peace, but we’ve defeated the Empire and there’s still more enemies appearing. What if the fighting never stops? And if it does stop, then what happens?”
“Hm. I think everyone knows that we’ll have to keep working for peace once the fighting stops. But it’s easier to cling to that hope for peace just to get through one battle at a time. Life is much easier when you have hope for tomorrow.”
Ignatz took this moment to truly take in Marianne. How wise she was. How far she had come from the girl she was at the academy. How the starlight reflected in her eyes seemed to shine brighter than the stars themselves.
“What do you hope for? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Ignatz appreciated that Marianne took a moment to think of what she truly hoped for.
“I want to be with my friends. I want to be strong enough to keep them safe and happy. I want to ride Dorte through a field full of flowers and not bodies.”
“That sounds wonderful. I hope we achieve peace as soon as possible, for you to live out your hopes.”
“Thank you. Um. What do you want?”
“I don’t want to bother you with my silly thoughts.”
“You’re never a bother to me. Even before everything, you were so patient and always knew when I needed an extra push to help me out. So this is me, um, pushing you.”
The swooping feeling in Ignatz' stomach made itself known again.
“Oh. Hm. I uh, I did always want to just be a painter. But I don’t think— that’s not what I hope for anymore … I think.”
“Why not?”
“I … it’s not practical,” Ignatz fell into a familiar recitation, “I need to support my family and the best way for me to do that is by being a knight. And at least that way I can still see a bit of the world, hopefully.”
“Have you talked to your parents about what you want?”
“No, we haven’t talked in many moons. And I think they knew, and that’s part of why they sent me to the academy, to train it out of me. And it worked, I mean I’m too busy destroying enemies to create anything. I’m no longer that boy they sent to the academy. They might not even recognize me now but at least I’ll be a good knight right?”
“I’m not the girl who entered the academy either. Everyone changes. But I’ve finally accepted who I am and I was only able to do so by facing myself and acknowledging who that is.”
“I’m sorry we can’t all be as brave as you Marianne,” Ignatz muttered bitterly. “I’m sorry. That was harsh.”
“It was.”
There was nothing to be heard for the next few moments except the occasional splashing of fish. Ignatz hadn’t realised how warm the night had become until now.
“Um, did you ask anyone to dance tonight?” Marianne broke the silence with a surprising question.
“Oh, no. I get enough dancing on the battlefield. Did you? Ask anyone?”
“No. I’m still a bit too clumsy for dancing.”
“I’m sure Lorenz could give you lessons. He gave me some back at the academy and he’s … well-trained”
“I’m sure he could.” Marianne looked nervous. “Ignatz … um … would you ever want to give me lessons?”
The feeling in his stomach intensified. Heat pooled in his face.
And Ignatz found himself unable to form the words to answer Marianne’s question.
The last thought he had before everything went dark was that he was falling into the sky.
* * *
Someone was whistling. It was a melody that Ignatz wasn’t familiar with but it was quite nice. Sadly, the tune stopped as soon as Ignatz began fighting whatever force was holding his eyes shut.
“Well good morning sunshine,” a cheerful voice spoke. Claude. That’s who the blurred figure hovering over him was.
“Where … glasses?” There had been a battle in the desert where Ignatz had been knocked face first into the sand once. Trying to speak now felt like trying to speak after that battle.
“Let’s get you some water too,” Claude grabbed a full cup as well as his glasses and continued to speak as he helped Ignatz out with both things. “I bet you have a lot of questions so I’ll do my best to answer them all. Starting with who? You, Ignatz. What? Fell. Where? Into the pond. When? Two nights ago. How? By fainting. As for why, you’ll have to get the details from Marianne but I think from a lingering injury.”
“Marianne … she’s … okay?”
“Oh, she’s finally resting which is why yours truly is watching over you, but I’m sure she’ll want to know you’re up so let me just,” Claude briefly exited the room, which Ignatz now recognized as the infirmary. “But yeah she got you out of the pond somehow and then healed you enough that she could go get help. And she’s been healing you ever since. So about that lingering—”
“What is …” Ignatz wanted to ask about why he could feel his glasses all the way around his head but was distracted by the giant pile of roses beside his bed.
“These are gifts from your dearest, heh deerest, admirers. A lot of Lorenz. I swear he sent a new bouquet every hour you were in here. I told him he could just give you a rose when you woke up but he told me that I “didn’t understand the true, noble meaning of friendship Claude” and “sweet Ignatz needs something beautiful to look at once he wakes up Claude” but you saw me once you woke up so I’ll have to let him know that he had a point. Raphael’s been stress cooking and stress eating so I’m sure there’s half a feast waiting for you once you’re ready for it. Those chocolates are absolutely from Lysithea but don’t tell her I said that. I think Leonie drew you that picture, you’ll have to ask her what sort of creature that is. The professor stopped by yesterday and just dropped off a sword without saying anything. And Hilda made you that chain for your glasses, because man, it took me a while to find those things in the pond. And she said the chain’s green and brown so that it’ll match your outfit and your eyes.”
“I’m … sorry for worrying … you all.” Talking had gotten easier right up until Claude listed how much his friends had done for him. Now the scratching in his throat and the blurriness in his eyes was for an entirely different reason.
“Nothing to apologise for buddy,” Claude was smiling but his eyes had an intensity to them that belied the casualness of his smile. “Just make sure you’re not hiding any injuries from us in the future and it’ll all be good.”
“I don’t know … oh,” Ignatz remembered the battle from a few days ago. “I had to save … Marianne. She was … alone. But I … Nosferatu … and … was fine.”
“I mean I’m no magic expert but you probably should have gotten that checked out. Effects from demonic beast attacks aren’t exactly super well-researched. Speaking of magic experts, I guess that’s my cue to go. Glad you’re alright Ignatz.”
Claude nodded at him as he moved towards the doorway where Marianne was standing.
“Marianne,” Ignatz began but cut himself off once he took in her appearance. Her hair was falling out of its usual braids. There were dark circles under her eyes. She looked strikingly similar to how she looked five years ago. All because she’d been stuck taking care of Ignatz.
“How do you feel?” Marianne asked in a neutral tone.
“Tired … mostly. But I shouldn’t … you’re clearly more …”
“You look a bit pale. Do you feel warm?” Ignatz shook his head. “That’s good. We’ll see about getting you some liquid food within the hour. And another antitoxin.”
Ignatz must have made a face that Marianne took as a cue to elaborate, “There were trace amounts of poison found in your bloodstream, likely from whatever attack you took. I’ve assumed it was from a beast due to the hastily healed claw mark along your ribs. Since the wound was sealed the poison had no choice but to remain inside of you and was spreading throughout your body. It’s likely that your fall into the pond reopened the cut. And it’s also possible that the other infection you’ve been healing from was from the pond as well. You should be fine by the end of the week with minimal physical or magical activity, and a vulnerary in the morning and the evening, and an antitoxin with every meal.”
“Thank you Mari—”
“Lots of water too.”
“How are you …”
“As your healer, I am only concerned with the wellbeing of my patient.”
“But you shouldn’t … I don’t deserve … thank you for everything but … I won’t let it happen again. I’m sorry you had to … waste so much time on me.”
“As your friend, it wasn’t time wasted. And it would be nice if we didn’t lie to each other from now on.”
“Lie? What?”
“You called me strong a few days ago but you clearly don’t believe that since your current state is proof of how desperately you think that I need to be rescued.”
“No I didn’t— it’s not because I don’t think … you—”
“Just don’t risk your life for me again. Please. I’ll go find someone to brew that antitoxin.”
And as she left, Ignatz couldn’t help the ache in his heart that formed at her words. Marianne was exhausted all because she had to care for him. And all he could do for her in return was hurt her feelings.
* * *
Ignatz was released from the infirmary by the end of the day. He hoped it wasn’t because Marianne was sick of the sight of him. He would give her some space, just in case.
Luckily for him, the next few weeks found his schedule full of his former housemates monopolising his time. It left him with little time to worry about Marianne.
But still some time to worry.
Lorenz patiently waited until the day after Ignatz was released to host a tea party. He had picked up on his favourite types of tea and insisted Ignatz speak up whenever he needed anything at all. Ignatz had left that tea party with his pockets full of Seiros tea and new paints, as well as a deal to attend a minimum of one tea party a week and an offer for more magic lessons.
He wanted to paint but every sketch felt wrong. Like his hands no longer knew how to create.
Raphael did treat him to a feast that lasted almost a week and it included the best meat pies that Ignatz had ever tasted. There was also a concerned letter from Maya, who Raphael had updated on Ignatz’ injury but not his recovery. Ignatz rapidly wrote a reply saying that everything was fine and sent it along with a quick sketch of a rose. Raphael then took the time to discuss how Ignatz can get his strength back up within the moon through training and eating following the plan that he had created for Ignatz specifically. He also took the time to just sit outside with Ignatz to watch the clouds go by.
He wanted to paint the sky on the night he fell. But he found it difficult to remember the sky itself, when he had spent more time staring at what was in front of him.
Leonie offered to treat Ignatz to a night out on the town, at a bar where she had arranged some sort of deal with the owner for discounted drinks. He declined for health reasons but secretly also for social reasons that were likely not all that secret. Instead she took him to the nearby market to show him where she got supplies for her bow at a cheap price. She also encouraged him to get some new brushes that were conveniently on sale at the stand next door. Once a week the two would meet up to practice their target skills on the condition that Ignatz would try to paint something after practice.
He wanted to paint the stars reflected through the pond. But the pond wasn’t the right shade of brown.
Hilda originally found him to give him a sweet bun that she had extra of because some guy had given her too many and she knew that Ignatz loved sweet buns. She checked in a week later on his new glasses chain and let him know that she had extra beads in case he wanted modifications. Somehow the next week found Ignatz painting while Hilda worked on some jewelry and they kept meeting like this a few times a week. Once Ignatz even tried beading jewelry while Hilda tried painting. Only once. That was also the same day that Hilda left early to go have tea with Marianne.
His pinks and blues had mixed, creating a beautiful purple. It really was a lovely combination of colours.
Claude was so busy that Ignatz really only saw him at council meetings. With all their forces preparing to invade the base of a new enemy it wasn’t surprising that he had no time for social calls. Still, Ignatz kept finding books that he was interested in reading in his room that he was certain he had never taken from the library.
The sky was almost always cloudy.
Lysithea confronted him at breakfast a few days after his release to insist that he take better care of himself when he was injured, which lost most of its bite when she quietly asked for confirmation that he was truly alright now. He told her that he was okay, just bored mostly since it was too early for him to do any strenuous activity. After that, Lysithea would find him several times a week to request an errand or a task from him. It was never anything too intense and she insisted that she was only doing it to test his reliability. Still, it kept Ignatz occupied and amused.
Marianne didn’t completely ignore him. So he tried not to ignore her. They still talked but in the way that allied soldiers who have little in common except their cause talked.
Sometimes he’d catch himself staring at her. Because he wanted to accurately sketch the night he fainted, and she was a part of that night. And for no other reason.
Definitely not.
* * *
Tonight’s party was without a doubt the most extravagant one yet. After all, it wasn’t every day that you defeated the undead King of Liberation.
Ignatz tried so very hard to enjoy the festivities. After all, if he could distract his mind with partying then he wouldn’t have to think about what was up next for him.
“So you planning to head home soon?” Raphael asked. “I was planning to leave by the end of the week but I could wait to travel back together whenever works for you!”
“You don’t think it’s um too early for us to travel back? I’m sure there’s still lots to be done around here.”
“Nah. I know Caspar and some of his Empire buddies are heading back tomorrow morning so anyone can go home as soon as they want!”
“Oh, I guess it would make sense to go home soon … ” Ignatz tried to find something else to talk about, “I’m sure Maya and your grandfather will be excited to have you back!”
“Yeah! Are you excited to see your family?”
And failed.
“I um I think so. They’ll be happy that I can finally be the knight they always wanted. Hopefully.”
“Ignatz … ”
“I need to go— talk to uh Lorenz about knight stuff?” Ignatz began to move away.
“You sure?”
“Yes it’s very important and immediate and I think I saw Lorenz head outside earlier so I’ll just—” Lorenz chose this moment to laugh quite loudly from the other end of the hall.
“Alright. It’s a nice night. I’ll be around once you’re done er chatting if you need. And I’m serious about wanting to travel back with you, so please think about it.”
Raphael watched him leave with an emotion that he was certain was disappointment, because how else could Ignatz make anyone feel?
The sky was gloomy and cloudy, completely opposite to the brightness and joy inside. Ignatz could make out the moon behind the clouds, trying its best to shine even though the world wanted it to hide away. Maybe it would be easier for the moon to just stay hidden.
He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew it was away from the hall.
He found himself at the cathedral, dark with barely any moonlight shining through the hole in the roof. Ignatz wandered the shadows and wondered if the cathedral was disappointed that the moon couldn’t even shine like it was supposed to.
The sound of footsteps echoed from behind him. He turned to find a familiar pair of brown eyes staring at him.
“Marianne, hello,” Ignatz was suddenly short of breath.
“Hello,” she replied.
And that was it for a long moment. Until they both spoke at the same time.
“I didn’t mean to— I’m sorry”
“I was just— oh, sorry”
“You first,” Ignatz insisted.
“I just needed a quieter place than— not that I’m not happy to celebrate of course.”
“Of course,” he agreed.
“And I found myself naturally walking here, I guess it’s still ingrained in me from … before. I didn’t mean to follow you or um corner you.”
“Oh! No I didn’t think that, I was actually going to offer to leave if you wanted to be alone here? I’m sure you’d rather talk to the Goddess over me.”
“I would like to talk to you actually.”
“Oh, um, w-what would you like to talk about?”
“Ignatz. I told you once that I want to be surrounded by my friends once the fighting is over. That includes you, too. I was upset that you’d risk your life so easily. And I was upset that you decided that your life was worth risking for mine. And I was hurt, but I had a long talk with Hilda about it and—”
“How is she? Hilda?” Ignatz felt something ugly take over no matter how hard he tried to stop it, as if he had splattered ink on a painting that he had spent weeks working on.
“She’s as good as any of us are, I think. She’s been complaining about going back home to her brother but I know she’s secretly excited to see him.”
“That’s … nice.” Ignatz could not say the same. “Are you excited to go … home?”
“I think I am actually. There’s a lot that will need to be done but it’s nice to feel like I have something worth working towards.”
“That does sound nice.”
“And will you—”
“I’m sorry! For um avoiding you, and for worrying you.”
“I’m sorry for avoiding you too. But you don’t have to apologise for worrying me. That’s what friends do when someone is hurt.”
“It seems like all I can do is make everyone worry.”
“I don’t think that’s true at all, you’re good at making everyone smile.”
“And I’m good at wasting their time. Everyone spent so long trying to heal me and cheer me up these past few moons but I know you were all stressed and had better things to be doing and I just distracted everyone …”
“I never felt like I was wasting any time while I was healing you,” Marianne said, staring intently at him.
“Oh. That’s … um, nice. But I’m sure the others …”
“Didn’t waste any time either.”
“Could we talk about something else?”
“Oh, of course,” Marianne paused for a moment before continuing, “You never did end up giving me any dance lessons that night.”
“Sorry about that, I’m sure you would’ve felt more comfortable celebrating tonight if I had.”
“No, it’s alright,” Marianne paused again but this time it felt like she was waiting for something. “You could still, um, give me lessons”
“I could try, I doubt I’ll be up to much these days but I’m not sure I’ll be much of a teacher …”
“How about you try teaching me right now?”
“Now?” Ignatz felt his eyebrows raise.
She nodded.
“I-I can try …”
He took a step towards her until she was within reach.
“Is it alright if I put my hands …” he gestured towards her waist.
“Yes, is this okay?” Marianne placed one hand on his shoulder and the other in his outstretched hand.
“Y-yes,” Ignatz was finding it difficult to breathe now that he was so close to Marianne. They were practically the same height, but he would take the lead as the more experienced dancer. The moon continued to faintly shine around them as he showed her some basic steps. Ignatz was finding it difficult to not get distracted by the way the occasional sliver of moonlight made Marianne’s hair shine.
“You would have made a lovely dancer,” Ignatz whispered.
Marianne laughed and it filled the cathedral with a sound more beautiful than any choir practice could ever hope to achieve. Ignatz thought that this was a sound worthy of being heard by the Goddess.
“I would have been a terrible dancer,” Marianne smiled. “I still struggle with balls to this day, it would have been awful to add a dance contest on top of it all.”
“Yes the contest was intimidating,” Ignatz had been so nervous that he could hardly remember the contest itself, but he remembered the celebration after very well. “But you’re quite graceful and poised. And in the moments when your confidence shines it’s impossible for anyone to keep their eyes off you.”
“Thank you, but I certainly wasn’t going to be motivating anyone with my dancing back then. The professor and I both knew that.”
“But they chose me and sure, I like to think I wasn’t too bad at motivating others but sometimes I still struggled to motivate myself.”
Marianne’s eyes softened in a way that Ignatz was quite familiar with. Pity.
And a hint of recognition.
“So you’ll be returning to Edmund?” Ignatz rushed to change the subject before he completely ruined the moment.
“Yes, that’s my current plan.”
“And after that?”
“Well, I imagine my adoptive father would like me to stay and someday take over from him.”
“Is that what you’d like?”
“I never took the time to think of the future before. But that sounds like one I could look forward to.”
“You’re not interested in travelling or worried about feeling um stuck?”
“No. I spent a lot of time hidden away in Edmund so there’ll be lots there for me to explore. And I’ll be needed in Derdriu for meetings, and maybe in other parts of Fodlan as well. I’ll be able to visit everyone. And I’ve seen quite a bit of the world this past year so it’ll be nice to just be back home.”
“I see,” Ignatz couldn’t ignore the pit in his stomach that grew at Marianne’s words.
“Will you be going home too?”
“Raphael was talking about returning later this week.”
“Will you go with him?”
“I … I would like to travel, still. I know we've seen a lot of Fodlan but there’s still so much more to see. But I know— I should go home. It’s what my parents would want.”
“Maybe you could find a way to help them and still travel without being a knight?”
“Maybe.” But the thought of heading home and telling his parents he wasn’t going to be what they needed him to be filled him with guilt and terror so intense that he stumbled and messed up his footwork, causing Marianne to stumble too.
“Marianne, I’m so sorry, are you alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he rambled until she cut him off with a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m okay, Ignatz. Are you?”
She was so close to him and she was so breathtaking. He felt an urge to do something but he couldn’t quite tell what it was that he wanted to do. Unfortunately he could only see himself reflected in her eyes tonight. A shaking mess that didn’t deserve a backdrop so beautiful.
And as he stared into her eyes, he knew.
He knew that if he stuck around he’d keep bringing down the people he cared about.
“I … I need t-to go um talk to Raphael, yeah Raphael, about um his … sister?”
“Oh,” Marianne backed away from him, the cathedral felt colder without her hand on his shoulder. “Well, have a good night then Ignatz.”
“Good bye Marianne,” and despite everything in him telling him he needed to leave, there was one impulse stronger than the rest. The one that knew how weighted this goodbye really was. Ignatz reached for Marianne’s hand, which she extended towards him once she noticed his reach. He held it up and leaned forwards to place a soft kiss. As kind and as gentle as he could offer to someone as wonderful as her.
And with one last look at the stars reflected in her eyes, and a new tinge of red contrasting with the hues of her hair, Ignatz left the cathedral as quickly as he could without being rude.
He went straight to his room, he couldn’t risk being talked out of what he had planned. He knew he would miss his friends, but he’d find time to write to them, he hoped, as he threw everything he owned into a bag.
And when dawn arrived, Ignatz met with Caspar at the gates of the monastery to request a ride towards the former Empire. A ride away from the Alliance.
And with one final look back to the monastery, and with the thought of how the light of the sunrise would make Marianne’s eyes glow like liquid honey, Ignatz left.
* * *
Ignatz had ridden out to Bergliez alongside Caspar and a few others who he knew were originally from the Empire. They wanted to check on their homes and their families. He wanted to get far from his.
They passed by Gronder Field, which had taken many hits in the war. There were scorch marks and shattered weapons and a lingering scent of smoke in the air. It no longer felt as powerful or as intimidating as it had when he had first arrived here many years ago.
But there were also signs of healing. Flowers being planted. Buildings being repaired.
He could see people working in the streets to rebuild what they lost. It was a shame Raphael wasn’t here instead of him, he’d be much more useful at rebuilding. Still, Ignatz tried to help out when he could.
He found a room at an inn desperate for customers with a nice view of the sky, which was all he really needed.
Each day he added on to his painting of the sky. The grey shroud looming over the town, with only an occasional snippet of blue peeking through.
He felt the urge to make that hint of blue just a bit more obvious. Nothing too bright, just a nice light blue that stood out from its surroundings.
After a week he decided it was time to move on.
He left some spare gold in his room for the innkeeper and packed up his bags and headed out to say a single goodbye.
“Sooo you want me to wait a week and then send it?” Caspar furrowed his eyebrows.
“Yes please. And thank you,” Ignatz answered.
“Sure, no problem. But why not just send it now? Why wait?”
“I’d like to um be a-a bit further away from where the letters are sent from …”
“Ohh, you didn’t tell anyone that you left.”
“That’s not exactly— well I mean it is but—”
“That makes so much sense, I mean we all thought it was kinda weird that you suddenly wanted to travel with us, no offence! You’re a great guy but it was just pretty surprising since you know your home was in the opposite direction and you just randomly showed up right before we left.”
“Yes, sorry for intruding. Thank you again for bringing me along,” Ignatz began to walk away.
“Ignatz!”
“What?” He turned back to face Caspar.
“You need to tell your friends where you are, man. I bet they’re all worried about you disappearing!”
“I … I’m sure they’ll forget about me soon enough. And I’ve already worried them enough as is,”
“Yeah, I don’t think so but I guess it’s not my place. Still, it’s not right. And what about Marianne?”
“Um what about her?”
“Weren’t you two, you know,” Caspar used his hands to mime two people kissing.
“What? No! I mean she’s quite wonderful but uh no we were not,” Ignatz tried to recreate Caspar’s kissing gesture.
“Oh really? Huh. Oh well, I guess you better get going. And I’ll send these letters as long as you promise to send your own once you reach your next stop,” Caspar stared at him very seriously.
“Sure. I will.”
Ignatz did not send any letters once he reached the next town.
It was a small town near what was Aegir territory kept mostly isolated from the war, with a river rushing through it. Leonie would have loved to fish here. There wasn’t really anywhere to send a letter from so there was no way that he could send one. Right?
He painted the river, the fish splashing in the water, the sun bright above, the blue water rushing against the rocks.
And he did not send any letters once he reached the next town. (A town surrounded by beautiful meadows, full of flowers that Hilda would have loved to collect. He painted a patch of lilies of the valley, admiring their stark white colour against the blue of the sky).
Or the next town. (A bustling port full of markets and food stands that would have had Raphael with stars in his eyes.)
Or the next one. (A town with a library so vast that Lysithea could research for moons and still not have read all they had to offer.)
Or the next. (A community that was rebuilding through the arts. Lorenz would have enjoyed their poetry contests.)
He reached Varley territory near the beginning of the Wyvern Moon. A letter was already waiting for him, delivered by a person so rapidly that he had no chance to figure out who they were.
Ignatz,
I’m glad you’re taking the time to explore and discover yourself or whatever excuse it was you used in your last, and only, letter. It would’ve been nice if you hadn’t just disappeared without a trace one day and if we didn’t have to wait a full moon to hear anything from you.
But seriously, I’m happy that you’re living the life you want so long as that’s making you happy. But please write to us more. Everyone was freaking out when you disappeared. Then we finally asked the gatekeeper and he said he saw you leave with Caspar. So at least we knew you were safe because Caspar’s not really the creepy murdery kidnapping type. But it would be nice to have a bit of a warning next time.
As for all of us, I can tell you that in all of Leicester’s history there’s never been a roundtable that you’d adore more than this one. Marianne and Lysithea are still shadowing their parents. And Lorenz is there too. Leonie’s back home but getting ready to go on her first big merc mission. And if that one doesn’t work out I’m sure I can find another for her that she won’t be able to trace back to me. Maybe it could even be tracking down our precious friend Ignatz? Kidding! Mostly. Raphael’s back with his family, Hilda’s already visited their inn and is insisting that we all take a Golden Deer field trip there. She also said you should check inside this envelope for a little gift from her and Marianne.
Everyone else would like to write back to you, it’s just that they don’t have connections like I do. Speaking of, I will know once you’ve read this letter and if you don’t write to your friends within two weeks I will have to send someone to force you to write.
Please just let us know that you’re safe and happy at least.
And it might take a couple moons to actually reach me but I’d still appreciate it.
We miss you deerly,
Claude
Ignatz looked inside the envelope to find a coin full of resin and pressed forget-me-nots.
From Marianne. And Hilda.
It was nice to know that his friends were all happy and living the lives they wanted. Even if that meant they didn’t need him to live those lives.
He hoped that Hilda and Marianne were enjoying their time together.
And he supposed he had no choice but to write to each of them. Ignatz would not be surprised if Claude had someone prepared to drag him back to Leicester in case he didn’t write.
So he did. And then he looked at his map and realised he could easily pass through the monastery to return to Leicester.
But his friends were so happy back at their homes with all their families. Ignatz could never be happy like that so he’d be miserable and they’d all be concerned and then he’d make them all miserable and resentful.
So he stayed for a few nights and then travelled towards the Oghma mountains.
And he kept travelling and painting and painting and travelling.
Until one day he realised he had run out of blue paint.
He had been using a lot of blue lately, likely his paintings were expressing his true feelings of loneliness.
Maybe they were even expressing something else that he wasn’t ready to face.
The problem was that he would not be able to afford blue pigment from the former Empire territories. Sure he was occasionally selling small paintings but he’d have to sell at least ten of those to even come close to half of the amount of gold he’d need.
But Faerghus would likely have lots of blue pigment since it would be more in demand there. If everyone needed it for their flags and such then it would hopefully be cheaper than a place that rarely used it.
So he headed off to Charon territory.
It was not hard to get more blue once he got there. It was however much harder than he was expecting to stay warm. The Wyvern moon was nearing its end and winter would be here soon. Ignatz had heard tales of Faerghus winters but he was not ready to experience one when he was so unprepared.
That was how he ended up on the road to Ailell.
It was … not his brightest idea. But the cold had begun to sink into his bones in a way that Leicester had never prepared him for. Likely it had seeped into his brain and prevented any rational thought.
Still, he warmed up more and more the closer he got to the valley. To the point where the logical side of his brain returned and realised how foolish he was being. But since he couldn’t return to Faerghus his only choice, besides boiling in lava, was to continue onwards to Derdriu. Hopefully Claude would be too busy to catch up to him.
So Ignatz Victor returned to Leicester on the first day of the Red Wolf Moon.
* * *
It was easier than Ignatz had expected to go unnoticed in Derdriu. He found an inn with a room overlooking the water and spent most of his time painting the ocean at different times of day, mixing pigments to capture the exact shade of blue at each time. He worried every time he left the inn that someone would recognize him but if they did then they didn’t care enough to mention it. So he continued to paint and sometimes sell what he had painted on his travels.
It would be nice to visit his friends, but there was no way that he could visit Raphael without the news getting back to his parents.
He had written them back in Bergliez, to say that he was off travelling to help him grow stronger or something that likely didn’t fool them one bit. Even in the small chance that it had, that was not a conversation he wanted to have.
But he got to travel and paint and he could go back to travelling once he felt recovered from his brief visit to Faerghus. What more could he ask for?
Sometimes he would lie awake at night tossing and catching his forget-me-not coin.
He wouldn’t say that he was happy exactly, maybe that he was content? Or satisfied? He was alright at least and that would have to be enough.
It was a day like any other when he was forced to confront that maybe being alright wasn’t enough.
He had risen to paint the sunrise reflecting off the soft waves of the morning. Then he had gone for breakfast at a market where he had planned to sell off a painting of the Oghma mountains.
As he tucked his gold pouch back into his pocket, his forget-me-not coin fell and began to roll. He chased it until it stopped at a pair of boots and a hand reached down to pick it up.
And for the first time in several moons, Ignatz Victor came face to face with Marianne von Edmund.
Ignatz could try to excuse this meeting as a coincidence or dumb luck but he knew that it was meant to happen. Wherever the Goddess was, she had planned for his coin to roll right back to the one who had sent it.
Ignatz had one canvas that he travelled with where he tried to do justice to the Goddess’ image. The only colour on the painting was the brown that he had used to colour her eyes.
A brown that was quite similar to the wide eyes he was currently staring into.
“Marianne! W-wow um how— I mean uh thank you. For the coin! It’s quite lovely,” Ignatz stuttered and stumbled.
“Ignatz …” Marianne stared at him the way one would stare at a ghost, worried they could vanish any second without warning. Which was fair, since he had.
“Y-yes?”
“Where— no, actually. How long have you been in Derdriu?”
“For um about two weeks …”
“Oh. Were you planning to say hello to anyone or to just run away again?” Ignatz had stood next to Marianne as she cast Blizzard and this tone in her voice chilled him more than the spell ever had.
“I-I um maybe? I mean I hadn’t really, exactly planned any-anything but maybe …”
“I see. Well if you’d like I can just turn around and ignore you while you head off on your travels again.”
“N-no I don’t … I’d like to catch up i-if that would be alright?”
“My adoptive father is expecting me home by tonight.”
“Oh, I see … I’m sorr—”
“So that should leave us with just enough time to have tea,” Marianne gestured to a tea shop across the street, and began walking there, leaving Ignatz to catch up.
“Yes of course, thank you Marianne, it can be my treat—”
“It’s alright. I can pay.”
Soon they were seated with lavender tea inside a secluded corner of the tea shop. The owner had recognized Marianne and knew her well enough to know that she’d appreciate space away from the public.
Ignatz found that he wasn’t even that thirsty. Maybe he could appreciate the tea more once he gave Marianne the apology that she deserved.
“Marianne, I am so sorry that I left—”
“Are you?”
“What? I … well, I um I’m sorry that I worried you and everyone.”
“You could have said goodbye, Ignatz. You could have told us what you were planning—”
“I wasn’t! I mean I didn't plan it. It just … happened.”
“Still.” Marianne took a sip of her tea in an aloof way that she must’ve picked up from Lorenz.
“How are— everyone, how is everyone I mean.”
“We’ve been well, when we haven’t been worried about our friend.”
“I’m sorry, I thought if I left then I would worry everyone less but …”
“What was so urgent that you had to suddenly sneak away?”
“I … I couldn’t go back home,”
“And there was nothing that you were worried about leaving behind? Nothing worth staying for?”
“No! I mean yes! There were things— and people worth staying for, I was just so … scared.”
“Ignatz, your problems won’t go away just because you run away from them. I learned this lesson before too and I know it’s not an easy one but sometimes you have to face what you’re running from.”
“But I’m, I’m not strong like you. I—”
“I was only able to be strong through the strength of others. My friends. And through the strength of you.”
“Me?”
“Yes Ignatz. When I found the world so horrible and ugly, you were always there to remind me of the beauty in the most simple of things.”
“Oh. But it was easy for me really, the world is always more beautiful when I’m around you,”
“I often find myself thinking the same way.” Marianne had a small smile.
“Marianne … I am truly sorry that I disappeared without telling anyone. It was selfish of me and awful and—”
“It is nice to hear you apologise but I don’t want you to hate yourself for it. We do all make mistakes, and sometimes the mistakes hurt the people we care about, but we have to face those mistakes. I still regret avoiding you when I was upset with you for getting hurt, because it wasn’t fair to either of us. But I realised that and faced you and was hoping that would be enough. Maybe I should be apologising for not noticing how troubled you were back then.”
“No. You shouldn’t apologise for that, I wouldn’t have stuck around for that conversation anyways,” Ignatz tried to laugh at himself but it came out a bit choked.
Thankfully Marianne found a new topic as they both sipped on their tea.
“Were your travels nice at least?”
“They were! It’s impressive how varied the landscapes of Fodlan are, even nearby it’s fascinating how Derdriu has the loveliest view of the water especially since Ailell is quite close and has its own rivers of lava—”
“You travelled to Ailell?”
“Oh, um, yes. After I got caught in a snowstorm it seemed like the um only reasonable place to go to warm up …”
“To the Valley of Torment?”
“I was a bit delirious from the cold …” Ignatz once again tried to laugh but it died in his throat at the worry on Marianne’s face.
“At least you’re safe now. But Ignatz, you have a lot of people who care about you and would be upset if you had never returned.”
“I know … So um how have you been?”
“My adoptive father has been keeping me busy with meetings and training. And then I’ve been trying to visit everyone as much as I can. So I’m … good I think. I never thought I’d be able to say that and mean it.”
“I’m happy for you, Marianne. Truly.”
Marianne smiled but it quickly faded away.
“Are you planning to go back to your travels?”
“Hm. Well I don’t have much of a plan, I mean I hadn’t exactly planned to come to Derdriu, but I mean there’s still so much of Fodlan I’d love to see … I just won’t be able to stay at home and be happy but I can still visit, even though it seems like everyone here’s got their lives figured out without me …”
“No one wants to— I don’t want to live my life without you.”
“Sorry?”
“You’re worried about your family and supporting them?” He nodded. “What if you were paid to travel Fodlan and paint it?”
“That would be amazing! But who would ever—”
“I would. I’m sure your parents couldn’t refuse the future Margrave Edmund.”
“Marianne … thank you I-I don’t know what to say”
“Just say that you won’t disappear. Promise that you’ll come back.”
“Of course.”
“And here,” she held out her hand with his coin inside it. He reached for it and found his hand lingering on hers. “You um you don’t have to treat me differently um just because I’m paying you now, we can still just be … friends, you don’t owe me anything more now.”
“Oh. Right. Hilda.” Ignatz began to draw his hand back but Marianne’s gripped his.
“Hilda?”
“Well the two of you are um close right? So I’m sorry for overstepping.”
“Hilda and I aren’t, she’s my friend and I care for her but we’re not … ” Marianne looked down at their hands.
“Oh. Is, um are we … why me?”
“I could ask the same thing about myself.”
“But-but when?”
“Hmm … I think when we danced. You made me feel so beautiful, and it made me appreciate you and the way you see the world even more.”
“But you don’t need my help to be beautiful.”
“But I’d like to have it, to have you around.”
“I’d like that too.”
“That’s good hehe.”
Ignatz was struck again by the beauty of Marianne von Edmund’s soul.
“I think I could travel every inch of Fodlan and nothing I could see would even come close to the radiance of you Marianne.”
He knew this to be true. Because he may not have travelled all of Fodlan but he had travelled enough to know that nothing would fill his heart like having Marianne in front of him.
Marianne blushed at his words which only added more of a glow to her smile.
“May I?” He looked down at their hands. She nodded.
So he lifted them up and pressed a kiss to the back of hers. There was no fear or panic in this kiss. Just a tenderness that he typically saved for his art.
Feeling slightly giddy, Ignatz pressed another kiss to her wrist and looked up.
Marianne smiled and pulled on their hands until they were both standing across from each other. Ignatz could stare into those eyes for the rest of his life and still not find the right paint to capture how the light reflected in them.
“May I?” Marianne looked down at his lips. He nodded.
And falling into similar positions to the time they danced, Ignatz and Marianne kissed. It was a soft kiss, patient. They knew that finally there was no rush, they had as much time as they wanted.
Marianne held him just tight enough that he knew that she was still worried that he could disappear.
So Ignatz held her back just as tight to let her know that he was done running.