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Cause with you I lose all my fears

Summary:

Kate regrets everything that went down between her, Lucy, and Cara. She knew she should have handled things properly; she shouldn’t have hidden herself from Lucy. She is the first person since 2009 who actually saw her and wasn’t afraid of what she saw. She saw the person who preferred to be alone. Not because she had no one but because being alone was easier than admitting things…things she hadn’t shared before. But that is the remarkable thing about Lucy Tara, she has the ability to see the truth that lies beneath the scared, brave, and sometimes shattered exterior of Katherine Marie Whistler. But when something happens out in the field and she is injured. Kate needs help and support. Will she be able to heal her relationship with Lucy or will it be too hard to let someone in who she hurt so deeply? Lucy tries to put her feelings aside and welcome in new feelings that come from Kate being hurt. Whilst Kate also tries to welcome in feelings she spent so long suppressing.

Set pre-1x20

Chapter 1: Emergency Contact

Chapter Text

The FBI team are out on a mission:

It was meant to be a routine takedown, grab the criminals before they could do any more harm.

 

 The FBI have been investigating two men convicted of breaking into a store and murdering the owner. They had been on the run for over a week with no sign of slowing down, breaking into multiple shops and murdering people in their way. The two men were by-the-book sociopaths. The FBI has enlisted every possible resource they have to track these men down and bring justice to the victims.

 

Kate’s team had discovered late one night where the criminals were hiding out. ASAC Michael Curtis ordered his team to rest whilst another team maintained surveillance on the property. Kate had come in the next morning at 9 am like usual, ready to finally bring an end to this case. “Whistler I want you leading the charge, you have an incredible talent for talking a suspect off the ledge before doing something else they can’t come back from.” Curtis explained to Kate who was standing straight-backed, hair in pristine condition, her fingers messing with the sleeves of her white t-shirt that is tucked immaculately into her black straight-legged business pants. “Yes sir, I’m on it.” Kate replied receiving an approving nod from her boss.

 

Walking out of the FBI Hawai'i field office, Kate walks to the driver’s side of her car waiting for her partner to meet her. “Whistler, you ready to do this?” booms the voice of Shawn Marks. Shawn is a tall man who stands high above everyone else whilst still being down to earth. His shaggy short blonde hair is styled in his usual fashion of loose natural curls. He adorns a short beard, and his warm brown eyes are situated behind wire-rim glasses. “I’m at the car aren’t I Marks? Seems like you’re the one who isn’t ready” Kate replies biting back a laugh. “Ha ha Whistler you’re incredibly funny.” Since being partnered together on Kate’s first week as a field agent they have formed an unbreakable bond. Connecting over their love of books, rom-coms and musicals. (They both are huge fans of the musical “SIX” loving the historical, concert aspect). He reminds her a lot of Noah.

 

The ride to the property takes 15 minutes, which they spend going over their plan of action. Go in, make themselves known and that they want the criminals to come out with their hands in the air. Kate parks her car around the side of the house, behind the vibrant green trees, using the plants as a visual barrier so the suspects can’t see them before they make entry to the property. Moving towards the front door, Kate takes the left side whilst Shawn takes the Right.

 

“On my count okay?” Kate questions quietly to Shawn who gives her a thumbs up. “Three…Two…ONE!” Bursting through the wooden door with their firearms raised. Kate spots their first suspect, Lucas Blake in the living room to the left of the door. “Lucas Blake put your hands in the air and slowly turn towards me” Orders Kate. Lucas does as Whistler says and Shawn rushes over to handcuff him. Kate moves through the room into the kitchen aiming to detect their second suspect, Liam Thomas. Kate spots Liam running through the backdoor into the garden. “FBI stop running!” She shouts before rushing off to chase him.

 

As they run into the garden, Thomas realises he is cornered with no way out unless he can scale the 6 foot high fence in one jump. Pointing her firearm towards him Kate says “Liam turn to face me, show me your hands and we can talk about this”. Bowing his shaking head, the shorter man slowly turns to face Kate showing her his hands. She looks to his right hand where she spots something glistening in the sunlight. He flexes his left wrist and Kate can see it clearly now. He has a large knife.

 

“Liam drop the knife and nobody has to get hurt. I know you feel like this is your only option but I promise you. It’s not.” Kate attempts to reason with him but he just scoffs at her. Taking a step towards her however, Kate doesn’t move. She keeps her feet situated, tenses her back muscles and re-adjusts her grip. “Liam I don’t want to shoot you, believe me that’s the last thing I want to do. But in order for that to happen you need to drop the weapon” Kate makes sure to use the sternest voice she can, hoping to show no fear.

 

It seems to work. A look Kate can’t place immediately flashes across Liam’s face. His fingers loosen the grip on the knife, breathing a sigh of relief Kate goes to instruct Liam to get on his knees with his hands on the back of his head. But then Liam is lunging across the 4-foot gap between him and Kate. She dodges the first swing, then the second and the third all in successive swipes. As she is trying to recover her stance he swings again, this time striking towards her right thigh. He succeeds. Causing a deep wound to the top of the blonde’s right thigh. As she instinctively goes to wrap her hand around the cut, Liam strikes again catching her left thigh and calf in the process.

 

As Liam is rearing up to attack again she is able to punch his left bicep hard, causing him to drop the knife. She picks it up and throws it far out of his reach before launching herself at him triggering him to fall backwards. He lands a punch to her face, she immediately feels the cut under her eye. Punching her again she feels the blood start to fall. “Marks, get out here!” She shouts towards her partner, she can hear the other members of their team pulling up outside the house. She lands a punch to the side of Liam’s face enough that she is able to grab the handcuffs on the left side of her hip. “Kate! What happened?” Questions Marks as he takes in the sight of a bloody Kate cuffing their last suspect. “Oh, you know… just routine crime-fighting.” Kate responds once Shawn has taken a hold of Liam.

 

Kate tries to stand, but can’t because of the injuries to her legs. She looks down and sees the tears to her pants, the blood on her shirt and surrounding all of the gashes. “Shawn…” She says, her voice straining. Shawn turns after handing over Liam to their team, he looks to Kate who’s eyes are closing and she starts to fall. Shawn rushes over to catch her before she can hurt herself more. “Whistler don’t you dare close your eyes. I know you want to win our battle of what rom-com is the best but this is a low blow.” Shawn says pushing the hair out of Kate’s face before it sticks to the cut on her cheek. “You’d never win that battle anyway so you might as well accept defeat now.” Kate replies opening her eyes enough to see Shawn laugh at her. “Yeah well I still want to argue so stay awake”. He says sitting Kate up as the paramedics make their way over to them.

 

Whilst Kate is being transported into the ambulance Shawn walks over to speak to Michael Curtis. “I’m going to ride with her if that’s okay? I don’t want to leave her alone right now.” ASAC Curtis places a hand on Shawn’s back urging him towards the ambulance. “Yes. Go. I’ll get in touch with her emergency contact.” Shawn races off towards the doors, jumping in and closing them swiftly behind him.

 

Curtis retrieves his phone from the inside of his blazer pocket. Swiping up on the screen he goes directly to the contacts icon. Knowing exactly who Kate listed on her forms when she joined the FBI, he presses call. Bringing the phone to his ear, he hears the ring…ring…ring…ring…ring before the recipient of the call answers. “ASAC Curtis. What can I help you with?” Calls out from the other side of his phone.

 

“Jane Tennant. I’m afraid Kate Whistler has been involved in an incident and she’s headed to the hospital. She listed you as the person to contact in case of emergencies.” Curtis states, following up by sharing the details of how one suspect came quietly, how the other put up a fight and what that resulted in.

 

“Text me the details of what hospital she’s going to and I'll make my way straight over” Responds the SAC of the Hawai’i NCIS field office. “Of course, Tennant.” Curtis responds, removing the phone from his ear he goes to press end call when Jane speaks again. “Curtis? Thank you for calling me. You’re a good mentor to Kate.” Smiling Curtis says “She’s one of a kind.” He ends the call and immediately follows up with a text to Tennant with the details of the hospital Kate is en route to.

 

In the NCIS Pearl Harbor Field Office:

 

“Curtis? Thank you for calling me. You’re a good mentor to Kate.” Jane says with a smile. Upon hearing Curtis’ reply she pushes her phone back into her pocket, Tennant starts to collect the things she needs from her desk meticulously placing the items into her work bag.

 

“Hey boss! We’re all caught up on the paperwork from the last case…are you okay?” Lucy Tara, the scrappy special agent on the team says as she makes her way into Tennant’s office. Taking note of the spaced-out look in her mentor’s eyes as she searches for something in the desk drawers. “Tennant?” She questions hoping to catch Jane’s eye. The SAC’s head snaps up, suddenly recognising the presence of someone in her office. “Hey Luce, sorry I didn’t see you there… I’m fine just have to find something. Oh! Here it is.” Jane apologises, finally finding her car keys. “What’s wrong boss?” Asks Lucy, sensing there is more to the story. She steps further into the office, placing her hands on the back of a chair situated in front of the desk. Jane meets Lucy’s eye. Sighing, she runs her hands through her hair. “Lucy you should sit down.” Gesturing to the chair Lucy is anxiously running her hands across.

 

They both sit down, Jane taking the seat next to her younger agent. “Lucy, you know the FBI case ASAC Curtis came to speak to us about?” Lucy nods, urging her boss to carry on. “Well…there was an accident. One of the suspects followed instructions to put his hands in the air whilst another agent placed the cuffs on him.” Describes Tennant, waiting for Lucy to show her that she is following. “Okay? What does that have to do with you?” Lucy questions confused about how and why the NCIS SAC would be called with this information. “Well, I got the call because another agent chased another suspect into the garden. The second suspect was less than willing to surrender quietly. He had a knife, Luce. He decided to try and fight his way out of being arrested.” Tennant continued on. “Is the agent okay?” Asks the smaller agent. “No. They’re not okay right now. They have significant knife wounds to their legs and a cut to their face from what I was told.” Lucy gives Tennant a puzzled look. “Okay wait hang on…why did you get the call?” Jane looks away not knowing how to deliver the final blow of information. “Because I’m the injured agent’s emergency contact.”

 

Looking up at Tennant, tears have begun to form in Lucy’s eyes. “Who was it?” Lucy asks, and even though she is sure of the answer she needs to hear it. “It was Whistler.” Tennant places a hand on Lucy’s arm. “No…No! How…What…I don’t understand. Whistler has to be okay.” Tears streaming down Lucy’s face, she stands up to pace. “That’s where I’m going now, to see her. It sounds very touch and go. She lost a lot of blood.” Tennant says, standing to grab her bag. As soon as Lucy heard that the FBI agent lost a lot of blood, she stopped pacing. Something flashes in her usually so soft eyes. There was the unmistakable emotion of fear. Quickly moving to the door “I’m coming with you.” Tennant stops her before she can leave. “Lucy, I know things between you and Whistler haven’t been good lately. I don’t know the details but I know you are both hurting. You don’t have to come if you’re not ready.” Giving Lucy a small smile. The special agent looks to the ground. Not wanting to make eye contact. Not being able to feel everything she’s feeling without the walls closing in, the air growing thicker, finding it hard to breathe, hard to move. But…she grips the door handle tighter, pushing down and opening the door. “I won’t be ready unless I speak to her. I’ve pushed her out, pushed everyone out. Yes she hurt me. Yes I felt ignored. But I know in my heart that if I needed help. If I needed someone there. She would be there, even if I didn’t want her to be. She would stay. So no…I’m not ready. But Kate needs me.” Jane removes her hand from Lucy’s arm and places it around her shoulders instead. “Okay, let’s go see Kate.”

 

They swing by Lucy’s desk grabbing her bag quickly, making their way to the elevator in silence. Giving each other the chance and space to process their feelings in their own way. The status of Kate’s condition awaits them.

 

“I see the light that I’m chasing, a memory, but it’s fading

When it’s gone I’ll be waiting, knowing it’s too late

Change the road that I walk in, now it’s your soul that I’m caught in

And you’re not hearing when I’m calling (calling your name)

One breath, one step, one life, one heart

Two words, two eyes, new beginning, new start

Too deep, too narrow, too short, too wide

I’m better with you here by my side

What would you do?

What would you say?

How does it feel?

Pretend it’s okay” – Pretend It’s Ok by Little Mix