Work Text:
Title: Up to No Good
Author: Triste
Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke
Pairing: Kise/Kuroko
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete
Disclaimer: Not mine
~~
Kasamatsu has a good team, a loyal team, a hardworking team.
Unfortunately, it’s full of idiots.
Having to lead them all is tough enough, but what really makes Kasamatsu’s life unbearable sometimes is that there are two members in particular who seem determined to make him suffer, and the worst part is, they’re not even doing it on purpose.
It’s mainly Kise’s fault for acting like a dog in heat, but Kuroko isn’t much better. Calm, polite and respectful, he’s supposed to be the sensible one. Kasamatsu ought to be relying on him to keep Kise in check, and he’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot.
To be fair, both of them are completely dedicated to the basketball club, and it’s only because Kasamatsu respects and admires their abilities that they haven’t been kicked off it yet.
What they get up to in their own time is nobody else’s business but their own. Kasamatsu doesn’t have a problem with the fact that they’re dating, although he’s pretty sure Kise’s fans are still weeping in despair over having lost their beloved idol to a person who, until recently, was rumoured to have been one of the school’s seven mysteries, a phantom student who wasn’t supposed to exist. Kasamatsu supposes it can’t be helped. Kuroko doesn’t have much presence, after all, so it’s really no wonder many of his classmates thought he was a ghost (he’s guessing Kuroko’s tendency to pop up out of nowhere and scare the pants off people also might have something to do with it).
The thing that does bother Kasamatsu, however, is that Kise and Kuroko never bother to keep their private life... well, private. It surprises him, at least initially, since he’s always thought of Kuroko as someone who prefers not to stand out (Kise, on the other hand, loves to show off, which is hardly a revelation), but Kuroko, to Kasamatsu’s dismay, doesn’t seem to mind Kise’s attempts at public molestation.
For the most part, it’s fairly harmless. Kise is unable to function properly without touching some part of Kuroko, which is why he’s constantly doing things like holding Kuroko’s hand, stroking his hair or draping himself all over him, and although it’s annoying to watch, it doesn’t give Kasamatsu the urge to bleach his brain out. They’re no different from any other couple in that regard, and Kasamatsu has seen plenty of them emerging from the woodwork lately, flirting and giggling, and generally being young and in love.
Unlike all the other couples, though, Kise and Kuroko go to more of an extreme when displaying their affection for each other, and that’s what makes Kasamatsu want to erase his memories of walking in on them in various states of undress forever.
The first time it happens is in the locker room, where he finds Kuroko in Kise’s lap, head back on his shoulders and baring his neck, which Kise covers in hickeys, one hand placed between Kuroko’s shoulder blades, the other down the back of his shorts, and that’s about as much of Kuroko’s naked ass as Kasamatsu is willing to see, so he clears his throat loudly, hoping they take the hint.
Because fate hates him, or maybe because they’ve gone conveniently deaf, they ignore it. Ordinary people would stop upon discovering they’ve been interrupted, too embarrassed to continue, but Kise and Kuroko are far from normal, and they simply keep on going. Kise’s fingers do something (Kasamatsu really doesn’t want to know what) that causes Kuroko to moan and roll his hips, and Kise hums in satisfaction against his skin.
If Kasamatsu weren’t so busy being pissed off, he’d be mortified for them, but he’s already in authoritative senior mode, and he’s about five seconds away from knocking their heads together in the hope that it will beat some common sense into them.
It’s a good thing Kuroko is light, because it only takes Kasamatsu one hand to haul him up in the air. He dangles with his feet a good few inches off the ground as Kasamatsu aims his left hand squarely at Kise’s skull, and the sound it makes when it connects is very pleasing indeed.
“Fools!” he barks, even more annoyed when Kise starts whining indignantly. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Wait, don’t answer that,” he adds, preventing anything emerging from Kise’s mouth that will cause him to leave behind permanent damage. “Get out of here before I kick both your sorry butts.”
They do as they’re told, Kise muttering in resentment, and Kuroko bows in apology.
“Please forgive our rudeness,” he says, but there’s no point having good manners if he can’t even be bothered to use them properly (and Kuroko can be quite offensive sometimes, contrary to his relentless formality).
“Whatever,” Kasamatsu growls. “Just don’t let me catch you doing it again.”
~~
But he does of course, because there’s a higher being up there who’s determined to get a good laugh at his expense.
In hindsight, he really shouldn’t have assigned Moriyama to chaperone duty during the basketball club’s summer training camp, but Kasamatsu is more concerned with deliberately placing Kuroko and Kise in separate rooms when they reach the inn they’re staying at to care. He keeps an eye on them all through dinner, but they’re unexpectedly well behaved for once.
“Kurokocchi,” says Kise, opening his mouth wide and going “ah~” as he waits expectantly, “feed me?”
“Don’t be so spoiled,” Kuroko tells him, composed as ever when Kise pouts about being unloved and neglected, and Kasamatsu finally drops his guard.
Regardless, he watches carefully when everyone turns in for the night, but nothing happens. The lights go out and, one by one, they fall asleep.
It’s warm though, and Kasamatsu finds himself awake again forty minutes later. Thirsty, he goes to get a drink of water, and nearly has a heart attack when he bumps into Moriyama in the hallway.
“Where are you going?” he asks, voice low so as not to disturb the rest of the team.
“Um,” says Moriyama, looking panicked in the dim light of the moon that shines through the window. His shifty expression immediately puts Kasamatsu on the alert. “I’m... visiting the bathroom. Yes, that’s right. The bathroom. It’s where I need to be. You know, to use it.”
His lies are painfully obvious, and Kasamatsu sighs in resignation.
“Kise bribed you, didn’t he?”
Moriyama lowers his head, guilty as charged. “He promised to introduce me to a cute girl if I switched rooms with Hayakawa so he and Kuroko could be alone together.”
“That jerk,” Kasamatsu hisses, pushing past Moriyama and stalking across to where Kise is supposed to be sleeping.
It’s dark inside when he flings the door open, but Kasamatsu has no difficulty in spotting Kuroko, sprawled under Kise, legs spread to accommodate Kise’s lower body. They’re still clothed, but only just, and the wet, open-mouthed kisses they share are positively obscene. Kise’s yukata hangs off one shoulder, revealing the sun soaked skin of his back, and Kuroko drags blunt nails along it, leaving behind deep red marks and making Kise shiver.
Unable to witness their depravity any longer, Kasamatsu hauls Kise to his feet, tactfully averting his gaze from Kuroko’s parted thighs (it just feels wrong to see him like this, all open invitation and sultry seduction, but Kise always looks like an unabashed deviant, so that’s not as bad).
“You have lousy timing, senpai,” Kise complains, wincing when Kasamatsu kicks him.
“And you’re a god damn horny moron,” Kasamatsu snarls, trying not to notice the way he can see Kuroko closing his legs and primly readjusting his yukata out the corner of his eye, “whose training menu for tomorrow will be so insane, you won’t be able to move once you’re done, never mind stand. Incidentally, you’ll be staying in my room for the rest of the trip, so don’t think you’ll be getting away from me as easily as you managed to escape from Moriyama.”
Kise looks dangerously close to tears.
~~
Back at school four weeks later, he and Kuroko are nowhere to be seen when Kasamatsu collects them for practise.
“They said they’d be studying in the library,” is what one of their classmates informs him.
Kasamatsu, naturally, is sceptical. Kuroko aside, Kise only uses the library as a place to nap, and Kasamatsu knows he’d never be preparing for tests this early, since he prefers to cram frantically the night before (his grades, irritatingly for people like Kasamatsu who actually put in effort, aren’t as bad as they deserve to be).
He’s even more suspicious when he finds Kise alone, but the thing that really clues Kasamatsu in that he’s up to no good is his face. Eyes closed, cheeks flushed and breath coming in soft, shallow pants, his pretence at reading a book is half-assed at best, and it’s amazing no one else pays any mind to his undisguised expression of arousal.
Gritting his teeth, Kasamatsu says quietly, so as not to attract any further attention (although he’d love for the pair of them to be forcibly ejected by the school librarian and never allowed to step over the threshold again, such an extremely public display would have no effect whatsoever at Kise, who is far too used to being stared at for his own good), “Kuroko, get out from underneath that desk.”
Kise’s expression turns from pleasured to pained on hearing his captain’s unwelcome voice, and Kuroko doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed when he emerges, wiping his mouth delicately with a handkerchief.
He’s the only one Kasamatsu disciplines for today, as Kise’s anguish over being denied oral sex is probably punishment enough for him, and since Kasamatsu is forever telling Kuroko to increase his stamina, he forces him to run laps for two hours straight after school.
With Kasamatsu finally appeased, he wobbles over to where Kise is waiting anxiously before collapsing at his feet. Kise has to carry him home, but somehow, Kasamatsu can’t bring himself to feel guilty about it.
~~
The fourth time, much like the first, happens completely by accident.
Kasamatsu, about to leave after practise, goes back to the basketball court to pick up the tournament line up chart that he’s forgotten. Everyone else has long since gone home, and since Kise and Kuroko aren’t around (Kasamatsu has checked all their usual make-out spots, including the first, second, and third year bathrooms, male and female, because – well, *Kise* – just in case), he guesses they’ve left too.
Life for Kasamatsu, regrettably, is hard, and he has to wonder what he must have done in his past life to receive all this suffering in his current one when he stumbles across the perverted pair, and today they’re trying out a new kink.
Kuroko, for reasons known only to him and Kise (and Kasamatsu would rather not learn what they are), is wearing Kise’s uniform, the top half of it, at least, and nothing else, but thankfully for Kasamatsu’s eyes and sanity, it’s so big on him that it reaches his knees. He looks ridiculous, in Kasamatsu’s opinion, like even more of a little kid than usual (then again, it could be his big brother instincts talking), but Kise evidently considers it to be a definite turn-on.
“You’re so hot, Kurokocchi,” he says, voice low and hoarse with desire, beckoning Kuroko closer. “Come here and let me watch you touch yourself.”
What kind of sick fetish is this, Kasamatsu wonders, but Kuroko seems amenable to it, whatever it is, because he tugs the hem of Kise’s shirt up his thighs, inch by inch, slowly, tantalisingly, his expression coy as he starts to give a one man striptease show, and Kise laps it up, because he says things like, “oh, yeah,” and “just like that” and “so sexy” until Kasamatsu can’t stand it, on the verge of throwing either himself, or preferably Kise, through the window.
“Stop right there,” he yells, right before Kuroko can lift Kise’s shirt any higher. “For the love of god, please stop.”
It says a lot that neither of them are taken aback to see him, although Kuroko seems vaguely disappointed as he lets the shirt drop to a more demure level.
“Senpai,” Kise accuses, swapping from dirty talk to petulant so easily it’s creepy, “do you have some sort of sex radar that pings whenever me and Kurokocchi are about to get it on?”
“You know what?” Kasamatsu says, massaging his forehead, which is seriously hurting him now. “I don’t even care anymore. Just... go home, already.”
~~
There are more important things for Kasamatsu to worry about, but the main one is Kaijou’s upcoming match. He’s always prided himself on being down to earth and level headed, which is why he doesn’t ever allow the rest of the team to get complacent or overconfident simply because their coach has managed to acquire two members of Teikou middle school’s so-called Generation of Miracles. They each have their own unique skills, and they all work together. That’s how it should be. That’s why Kasamatsu is proud of them, whether they win or lose, and this time they’re victorious.
He’s about to suggest they go out for something to eat afterwards when Moriyama raises his hand.
“Captain,” he says, “Kise and Kuroko have disappeared.”
“Again?” Kasamatsu sighs.
They’re probably off having celebratory sex somewhere, and although he doesn’t particularly want to track them down, it’s still his duty to congratulate them on their achievement, and to ask if they’d rather go for okonomiyaki or soba.
For once, he doesn’t come across anything mentally scarring. Kise is asleep, head in Kuroko’s lap, with Kuroko watching over him, his expression affectionate, as he smoothes his fingers gently through Kise’s hair. It makes Kasamatsu slightly awkward to witness such a tender moment, like he’s intruding somehow, which is laughable because he’s seen far worse than this.
“Senpai.” Kuroko’s voice is soft, and it startles Kasamatsu when he speaks. “Kise-kun worked hard today. Please let him rest.”
He’s right. Kise has done his best, just like all of them have.
“Sure,” Kasamatsu agrees, placing a hand briefly on Kuroko’s shoulder. “Tell him I said ‘good job’ when he wakes up.”
Kuroko nods, offering him a small smile. “I will.”
“You too,” Kasamatsu. “You did well.”
Kuroko’s smile widens slightly, pleased at his praise. “Thank you very much.”
Kasamatsu leaves them as they are, returning to the rest of the team, but he glances over his shoulder one last time before he closes the door.
He must be getting soft because, damn it, they actually look kind of cute.