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Given all of the craziness happening at Hogwarts, Sirius had come to expect the multiple daily calls from Harry, particularly on Mondays since they were the worst day of the week for Harry due to Umbridge, Snape, Trelawney, and then, those stupid occlumency lesson with Snape, where he basically abuses his power over Harry – especially ever since Bill had stopped sneaking in to protect Harry from Snape. Sirius had contemplated trying to teach Harry, himself, but he’s never been particularly good at it, and he wouldn’t be able to explain why Harry’s suddenly not attending Snape’s lessons without mentioning the mirror.
So, Mondays are the worst.
“Pads!” an angry Harry yells.
It’s much earlier than he expects, and he’s surprised when Harry appears in the mirror looking extremely angry.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you, what?” Sirius asks, surprised. Harry’s never been so abrupt and angry with him.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you and dad used to bully Snape and that’s why he makes it his mission in life to my life miserable?”
Sirius is in complete shock. He can’t fathom why Snape would tell Harry any of that since it’d make him look weak, and Sirius sure thought of that situation differently, so Harry blaming them for Snape’s choices certainly didn’t make him feel anything other than shock. “I – we – what?”
“Yeah! I saw it all. There was the DADA O.W.L and…” Harry continues to explain the entire scene, Sirius remembers it well.
It had been merely two weeks after the incident with the Willow. Snape had been following them around for ages, trying to get them expelled and Sirius had done something foolish, telling him that if he really knew anything then already know that to get passed the willow, all he had to do was press the knot. Snape had used magic to stop Sirius from chasing after him once the answer was out and they’d both been lucky that James had come by a few minutes later and able to save him. Although Remus had been angry with Sirius, James had been far more angry with Snape. Furious that Snape had finally found a way to prove his ‘theory’ and that he’d blatantly been trying to get Remus killed and Sirius expelled, the fact he existed was enough to go after Snape whenever he could. It had been years of back and forth before that, but that incident and the incident after the DADA O.W.L had been the culmination of everything.
Once Harry finishes the explanation of what he’d seen, Sirius says, “It’s not what it seemed like. He wasn’t our victim – we didn’t bully him …”
“Dad only went after him because you said you were bored, and the reason was that he exists! How could you –”
“Harry, listen, it’s a long story, but that was just one moment – we were trying to get back at him for the Willow incident…”
“You mean the incident where you tried to feed him to Lupin on the Full Moon?” Harry snarls, obviously very upset. “Maybe he was right about that, too – maybe all along you were just attacking him for no reason –”
“No, Harry! That’s not it at all – there were so many things and reasons, he was following us around, trying to get us expelled –”
“And you didn’t deserve that? Mum said that you go around bullying people just for fun –”
“It wasn’t like that. We did throw hexes, but it was in retaliation for the mini-death eater’s own behavior. We’d never attack innocents.”
“Snape was looking pretty innocent to me.”
“He wasn’t – I told you that he was into the dark arts and following after us, really, it wasn’t one-sided – he gave as good as he got.”
Harry looks furious. “Sounds like you’re just making up excuses.”
Before Sirius could even reply back, the mirror goes blank. Obviously, Harry had had enough. Sirius vaguely tries to call him back only to see nothing, but his own reflection.
***
Sirius knows that things are a bit difficult between him and Harry even since Harry had seen the memory of what happened after the DADA OWL. It’s true that Sirius hadn’t particularly cared for Snape ever since they met, and there had been extenuating circumstances to the events in the memory, but Sirius’ attempts to explain had sounded like excuses to Harry, who had ended the call a week ago, abruptly.
Sirius hadn’t heard from his kid since, and he worries that Harry’s struggling with many things on his own now because he refuses to talk to Sirius over something that happened twenty years ago.
The worst part was not being able to call Harry on the mirror because he couldn’t risk someone finding out about the mirror, which results in a very stressed out Sirius sitting in Harry’s room, wishing more than anything that his kid would just call him.
He doesn’t like being on the outs with his kid. Not when he knows that Harry’s suffering on his own at the school.
“You okay?” a voice asks from the doorway. It’s Remus, who’s been trying to be around more lately – Sirius senses that he’s feeling guilty about his previous lack of support for Harry or Sirius.
“I’m fine,” Sirius lies.
“You’re not,” Remus counters.
Sirius doesn’t bother to answer, prompting Remus to speak, again.
“Did you know that Snape refused to teach Harry occlumency anymore?”
Sirius looks up at him, “How’d you know that?”
“Snape was on a tear during the meeting tonight, which you didn’t bother to attend.”
“Why would I? No one bothers to listen to me.”
“Because you’re a member of the Order and you’re required to be there, especially since your godson is the topic of conversation. What the hell happened?” Remus demands.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sirius states, plainly. “It’s not the Order’s business and if they really cared about the things that Harry’s been through or him at all – they wouldn’t have put him in a situation with Snape where he had no power to defend himself and give Snape all sorts of things to use against him. It’s no wonder that Harry chose to peek into the pensieve – it was only fair.”
Remus frowns, “He looked at Snape’s memories?”
“That is the only thing you took away from that?” Sirius demands. “It doesn’t matter what Harry did, it matters what utter bollocks that Snape’s been throwing his way! For years, he’s treated Harry like hell because he hates James and he’s spent weeks on end invading Harry’s thoughts and memories and laughing at the hell he’s been through. On top of which, he taunts him in class and has straight up destroyed Harry’s work on multiple occasions – it was okay that he finally got curious enough to see what Snape is hiding when he had the chance. It’s not like Harry was offered the same chance to protect himself from Snape. And he didn’t even teach anything – Harry’s situation has gotten worse and now he won’t even talk to me because of a mistake James and I made twenty years ago!”
Sirius is so frustrated that he doesn’t care if he’s being loud or outing the communication with Harry. He doesn’t care about anything anymore. His kid won’t talk to him, the order doesn’t listen to him, and he’s at his wit’s end over the situation.
Remus appears to see that Sirius obviously needs to talk about the situation and sits across from him on the bed. “I know that Snape has been unfair to Harry – I do, but it’s best that he learns occlumency and that you tell him that he’s got to put all that aside because Snape’s important for the war.”
Astounded, Sirius looks at him with unfettered loathing. “Leave this room right now.”
“Sirius –”
“Now, Remus! I already told you once – I don’t want to hear you say that my kid is somehow at fault for the situation with Snape. It is not his fault that he’s my kid, it’s not his fault that he’s James’ kid. Snape is his teacher and has been practically torturing him in classes for years – since the day they met. It’s not fair to put this situation on him.”
“I know it’s not fair, but we have to cater to Snape –”
“No, we don’t,” Sirius states, sternly. “Harry has been through unfettered hell in the last few years, and he deserves better than to be forced to cater to Snape. Whenever he does decide to talk to me, again, I’m going to tell him that. Because he deserves better than this and until you decide to put Harry’s needs and feelings first, I don’t want to talk to you.”
“So, you don’t want to talk about how stressed you’ve been about the memory Harry witnessed after all?”
“Not with you – not if you’re going to beat up on Harry and somehow think that he should be responsible for fixing things with Snape when none of this is his fault.”
“I’m sorry,” Remus states. “I am just trying to be –”
“Pragmatic? The peacemaker?” Sirius asks. He doesn’t wait for a response before continuing, “Well, I’m not the mood for it.”
“Okay – okay, well, I’ll stop, but I do think that you should talk about it – whatever happened.”
Sirius sighs. He did need to talk about it. If only because he was going crazy worrying about Harry’s reaction. “He saw that memory of the DADA OWL, and he was very upset… rightfully so. He had a lot of questions.”
“And he has the mirror to talk to you, so…”
“He – er – he told me what he saw and wanted to know why I never told him that his father was a bully…”
“Did you explain that he wasn’t? That there were extenuating circumstances?” Remus asks, already ready to defend James, which is okay because it’s true. “That any seemingly undue hexing of Snape or anyone else was for an underlying reason like finding out that they’d attacked Muggleborn first years or a returning the favor situation?”
The situation with Snape was never as cut and dry as it seemed in that memory, and Remus, more than anyone, would understand that. He’d defend James when he wouldn’t defend Sirius.
“I tried to explain, but he thought I was excusing the situation and ended the call – I haven’t heard from him since.” Sirius shakes his head. “It’s killing me that he won’t talk to me – that he thinks that James is so awful when he was an amazing man and I… I just never wanted him to think badly of the man that saved me from ending up like the rest of my family. The man who loved everyone that wasn’t into the dark arts or baby death eater scene. The man who risked everything for those he loved. The man who – he just he deserves better than for his son to remember him by his worst moment – not the moment he risked his life to save the man who set up me and you up so he could kill you and blame me, not the moment he gave me a home and made me a Potter, not the moment that he tried to protect and help Harry in the graveyard, not the moment that he tried to fight Voldemort without a wand – No. Instead, he’s remembered for his worst possible moment and it’s not just fair.”
“Maybe not,” Harry says.
The sound of Harry’s voice from the mirror jars Sirius from looking at Remus to looking down at his kid.
“Harry! Oh, Harry, how long have you –”
“Long enough. I heard you say my name and I figured… Can we talk? Alone?”
Sirius glances up at Remus, who nods, “Of course.”
Once Remus is gone, Sirius focuses on Harry again.
“I’m sorry – I didn’t – I didn’t mean to cause you grief or drive you crazy, Pads.”
“That’s – it’s fine. I just – I understood why you were upset, I just hoped that you’d – you know – come back to me sooner, but you’re here now and – and I’m just glad you want to talk.”
“I do – I – it wasn’t fair to not listen to you. I was just so angry that I didn’t really want to listen. And it sounds like there really was more to the story and all I did by not listening to you was punish us both.”
“You needed time – I understand,” Sirius assures him. “It’s hard to have your image of your dad not be so perfect all of a sudden. I know Snape has said some awful things to you, but you refused to listen to him and now, you’re rightfully questioning all that.”
“I am – I just, I don’t understand, he didn’t seem to be doing anything wrong.”
“Not in that particular moment, no. It’s a long story, but things built up to that moment…”
“Well, then, I’d like to hear the story – how’d it get that way?”
Sirius nods. He’d known this was coming. “Alright, well, you see, Snape was always into the Dark Arts. He had a thing against muggles from the get-go and there was a moment on the express where James laughed at his interest in Slytherin – made a joke about leaving which wasn’t true because his mother was a Slytherin – and –”
“She was?” Harry questions. “I thought the family were all Gryffindors?”
Sirius feels a pang at the idea that Harry doesn’t know his own family history and sighs, “No, she – she was in Slytherin. James grew up joking around about the house he’d be in and had this idea of being just like his dad – so it was always ‘if I’m not like dad, I’ll come home’ – it’s obvious he wouldn’t have. Anyway, Snape took offense, made a comment about Gryffindors and then they left when we gave him the name ‘Snivellus’. We were eleven – it was stupid. It could’ve ended there.”
“But it didn’t?”
“Nah, he made it his mission to get us kicked out of school.”
“Sounds like Malfoy and me.”
“From what you told me – it was a lot like that. He’d do something – we’d do something. We knew he was part of a junior death eater gang – not that we knew that at the time – something I mentioned last year. He was into the dark arts, believed their philosophy, didn’t mind hurting muggleborns at the school, and wasn’t nearly the innocent he seemed in that memory. He wasn’t fond of muggles or muggleborns – except Lily…”
“Mum? I – I – you never…”
Sirius clears his throat. “Yes, well, it – it’s difficult. As I told you at Christmas, your mum and I were close even without your dad around, and she struggled with not only her sister and that situation, but the fact that Snape was her friend – her best friend since they were eight. He was the one that told her she had magic and they were close. She kept trying to make excuses for him when he’d get caught up with his little Slytherin gang hurting muggleborns and it – sort of ostracized her. Many in Gryffindor, particularly muggleborns, struggled even wanting to be associated with her because she got leeway that they didn’t due to Snape. She was … stubborn… like you.”
“Stubborn like my mum? That’s new,” Harry smiles, sadly.
“Yeah, and she tried so hard to hold onto him, even when it seemed like a lost cause. The older we got, the worse it got and that was part of the problem. As she pulled away, he became more and more obsessed with us. He thought if he proved that we weren’t all that great that she’d be closer to him again rather than me and James.”
Harry’s eyebrows furrow. “They didn’t seem like they were friends at all for that to work – mum seemed like she hated him.”
Sirius laughs, “They were, and they weren’t. It depended on the day. They certainly knew how to drive each other crazy. The situation we (as in James and I) had with Snape certainly contributed to the back and forth-ness of it all. Since the beginning of it all – it was back and forth. He didn’t like whenever he’d see Lily with us, so he’d cause trouble and we’d retaliate. Sometimes, we’d start something as if we could prove to her how awful he was. By the time we got to third year, we all knew about Remus and Snape figured that he had the golden opportunity to get us expelled, by outing Remus. So, he plotted against us – found a way to make it work only it backfired…”
“When you tried to feed him to a werewolf?”
“I didn’t do that. It was more complicated…” Sirius quickly explains what happened with it just coming out as it had and finishes, “…so it wasn’t like I just trapped him down there or something.”
Harry nods. “Makes sense. Just recklessness, not maliciousness. So – that event that I saw… it wasn’t because he existed at all…”
“No, James just couldn’t say the truth, unfortunately. Too many people.” Sirius pauses. “We just wanted to punish him – for trying to get us expelled, for wanting to get Remus executed – and that’s what we did. It helped that I was bored, too, but there’s more to the story that was voiced out loud.”
“And mum – she didn’t really hate him?”
Sirius chuckles, softly. “Of course not – she was just angry that day. Like you, she felt the need to step in for the underdog, which she always thought was Snape because aside from a few friends, no one really liked him. Not like James and I, anyway.”
Harry nods. “He did seem pretty popular. You both were – with the girls anyway.”
Sirius smiles, “Yeah, too bad I’m not into girls. Your dad got lucky though – found the best one.”
It’s quiet for a minute before Harry speaks, again. “I’m sorry again for not being willing to listen. I feel better now, but it was miserable this week.”
“It was pretty miserable for me, too,” Sirius admits. “But I love you, kid, and I want you to be able to talk to me about anything else that you want to talk about, okay?”
Harry nods. “Thanks, I love you, too. But – er – right now, I’m kind of exhausted. I have been so upset and focused on what I saw…”
“I understand. Why don’t you get some sleep? We can talk tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. Night.”
“Night, kid.”