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Ryunosuke Naruhodo was due a busy few days ahead of him as he scrambled to pack his things to return to Japan. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't feel a pang of sadness whenever he removed another item from his room, or drank Iris' tea, or saw the strained smiles of his friends as they all tried to pretend everything was alright. Ryunosuke kept hold of his resolve, and he’d resolved to return to his homeland. He couldn't change his mind now.
One day, Sholmes, Iris, and Susato were all absent from the house, leaving Ryunosuke to himself. Iris had rushed to the herb market again with Susato in tow, and where Sholmes had taken off to was anyone's guess, really. Ryunosuke had planned to get a lot of his preparations done while he was alone, but instead he found himself just sitting at his desk again. Now that he'd sorted through the documents and packed them - with considerable help from Susato-san, of course - his desk looked tidier than he'd ever seen it before.
And he felt that pang of sadness yet again.
(I should be happy! I finally get to go home! And Kazuma can finally fulfil his role as a defence attorney, like he was supposed to...)
And then, as if summoned by his thoughts, there was a knock at the door downstairs.
Ryunosuke opened the door, and for a moment, felt like he'd been flung back into the past.
Stood in the hallway was Kazuma Asogi. The man wasn't wearing his courtroom outfit, but a black suit with a hat and cloak. For a second, it’d looked like…
Ryunosuke composed himself and tried to reconcile that this wasn't Kazuma. Not the old friend he knew.
The two of them stood in silence, until Kazuma finally broke it.
"Ryunosuke."
"Kazuma?"
"Is Mr Sholmes around?"
"He's not in. I'm not sure where he's got to, to be honest."
"That's... odd," mumbled Kazuma.
Ryunosuke shrugged. "Not as odd as you would think."
"It's odd because I bumped into him yesterday, and he invited me round at this time to discuss some things."
Ryunosuke just shrugged again. "Again, that's not as odd as you think. He loses track of commitments all the time."
"Oh... I see."
There was a long pause.
"Would you... Like to come in?" Ryunosuke asked, bound by rules of social etiquette, "To wait and see if Mr Sholmes comes back?"
"...I suppose I could."
Ryunosuke sat Kazuma down on the settee, and the man gazed at the suite in fascination. Ryunosuke wasn't up to any of Iris' exquisite herbal blends, but he'd been living in Britain long enough to learn how to brew a cup of English tea, so he used this excuse to swiftly exit the room and stare at the kettle in the kitchen.
Since the trial, Ryunosuke had been avoiding him intentionally. They'd never talked about any of it, had they? About how Ryunosuke had seen a side of Kazuma that had truly frightened him. And that for more than a few moments, he'd even believed the man could be a killer.
Once, Kazuma had been Ryunosuke's best friend in the world. Maybe his only real friend in the world. But now he couldn't even bring himself to start a conversation. Even his name barely rolled off the tongue after nearly a year of associating it with such a huge well of grief and pain.
"My best friend" is what he kept saying to everyone.
When Kazuma had first returned from the dead, everything had swirled in Ryunosuke’s head like a typhoon as he’d tried so desperately to hold onto who they used to be.
"Kazuma Asogi... My friend. My best friend."
Then he’d realised that the Kazuma Asogi who died and the Kazuma Asogi who had returned might not be the same person. Perhaps that old Kazuma he'd known had never even existed at all.
(My best friend.)
Of course, he was aware that even that past description of "best friend" wasn't so simple either. As much as Ryunosuke had tried to let it rest, that other possibility had been tugging at his mind for months. Ever since...
The whistling of the kettle startled Ryunosuke out of his thoughts, and as he stirred the tea and arranged it on a tray, he braced himself for the excruciating small talk that awaited him in the next room.
As Ryunosuke returned to the suite with the tray of tea, Kazuma was on his feet, peering in fascination at the collection of memorabilia on the shelves.
It was easy to forget how baffling the room seemed through fresh eyes. A Persian slipper, a knife through a bundle of letters, and a photograph of a mysterious "woman" all seemed like commonplace things to store on a mantelpiece these days.
"Do you know what all this means?" Kazuma asked, gesturing vaguely at the entire room.
"Well... You'd have to read 'The Adventures of Herlock Sholmes' to find all that out," Ryunosuke answered evasively. The longer he went without admitting he hadn't read that book properly, the more awkward things became. He was hoping to take that secret back to Japan with him. He sat down and gingerly placed the tray on the "coffee table", all too aware now that it contained a loaded trap that could send everything flying.
(Actually, to escape an awkward situation... No! What's wrong with me? Why would I consider that?)
Kazuma sat himself down opposite, picking up a cup and taking a sip. "I'm surprised those stories escaped me. I seem to recall Susato-san talking about them."
"To think that both of you lived under the roof of that detective's partner for years, and neither of you ever knew...”
Kazuma gave him a quizzical look. "You mean... Professor Mikotoba? He was Mr Sholmes’ partner? They used to work together?”
"Wait, what? Did you miss all that entirely?" Ryunosuke tried to remember if it'd come up at any point in the trial, but it'd all been a bit of a blur. "That could be what Mr Sholmes invited you round for, come to think of it."
Kazuma put down his cup, folding his arms. "I've always wanted to talk to that detective again, actually. Ever since that first meeting."
"If you thought all those theatrics were only for the courtroom, you're mistaken. He's actually like that all the-"
"Not that first meeting. I meant aboard the SS Burya. Surely you remember as well?"
A lot of that voyage was hungry, foggy, and distant in Ryunosuke’s mind, and he struggled to remember specific events. He recalled Daley Vigil, and how the man had blocked out his memories unconsciously so that his brain did not have to bear such a heavy burden of despair. Ryunosuke had a suspicion, deep down, that something similar could have happened to him.
But Kazuma had managed to surface one memory that he'd completely forgotten.
“Hold it! I remember now! I never saw his face, but you spoke with him on the boat, didn't you?" Ryunosuke realised, "When he was trying to figure out who stole some steaks."
"And giving me several heart attacks in the process. I thought we were done for. But it seemed that he knew you were hiding there all along."
(Argh! Mr Sholmes..!)
“’Great Detectives are wont to lie’,” Ryunosuke quoted under his breath, staring down at his teacup.
Kazuma gave him a startled look. “Are you alright?”
“Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault,” Ryunosuke sighed, “After all, you were...”
(Dead... You were dead.)
Ryunosuke reminded himself that it was unfair to feel angry. That it had never been Kazuma’s fault. He hadn’t died on purpose. He’d never meant to abandon Ryunosuke on that ship, alone and grieving in an empty room. He’d never wanted him or Susato-san to mourn or to cry or to miss him so terribly. And he hadn’t wanted to return, as if by some great miracle, only to send everyone’s emotions spiralling into chaos.
There was a lot to blame Kazuma for. Enough to make Ryunosuke boil with anger and confusion and questions. But not that. He had to remind himself, over and over, that he shouldn’t blame Kazuma for that.
The two of them sipped their tea without another word, as neither of them found any words to say. As the silence stretched on, the air in the room was starting to feel suffocating.
"I think I’ll go for a walk!" blurted Ryunosuke suddenly, putting down the cup and jumping to his feet.
Kazuma frowned. "Aren't we waiting for Mr Sholmes?"
"Well, yes. You can stay here if you’d prefer,” said Ryunosuke, hoping that Kazuma would do just that. He pulled on his cloak, then hesitated for a moment. “But... he's kept you waiting long enough. Keeping him waiting in return wouldn't kill him."
That made Kazuma chuckle a little. “Fair enough. I'll join you. Where are we going?"
"I... I was just going to wander about, to be honest." Ryunosuke hazarded a weak smile. "I think... I think you always struggled with that, didn’t you?"
(Struggling to walk without a destination in mind... I'm sure there's a metaphor here somewhere.)
"As I recall," said Kazuma, as he put a hand to his chin in thought, “a lot of your 'wandering' just turned into 'getting lost'. Often with me in tow."
Ryunosuke folded his arms in return. "True... But a lot of it also led me - and you, in tow - to wonderful places. Are you willing to brave those odds?"
That got another small chuckle out of Kazuma as he got to his feet and picked up his own cloak. "You know... I'm thinking there could be a metaphor here somewhere."
Ryunosuke put on his hat, giving him the smallest of smiles. "...I was thinking the same thing."
The two walked – or perhaps just wandered – down the cobbles and winding streets of London, wrapped in cloaks and hats that wouldn’t have looked out of place on their university campus in Japan. Ryunosuke pointed out some key locations he remembered on the way, but unfortunately, his most memorable places were either little shops for buying knickknacks or crime scenes. Both, on one occasion.
Kazuma showed some interest in Ryunosuke’s past cases, and Ryunosuke was surprised at how easy it was to ramble on about everything that had happened.
That first mysterious case on the omnibus that had ended in tragedy. The unfortunate Soseki-san, who’d landed himself in a second accusation less than 24 hours after being acquitted of the first one. Resolving to defend a prickly street urchin – now a Scotland Yard detective – that resulted in unintended secrets and being banned from the courtroom for several months. The departure and return of Susato-san, who he couldn’t be more grateful for. The dances of deduction with the Great Detective, which always seemed to work out in the end, even if it was only with seven seconds left on a time bomb. The assistance of Iris Wilson – or perhaps it was Iris Sholmes, now – whose genius inventions and powerful insight were invaluable, despite her young age. He had a lump in his throat as he talked about Gregson, the no-nonsense inspector who had helped them when it mattered, despite it all, even if it was only because of Iris’ influence or Gina’s cheeky grin.
And, of course, he talked about Prosecutor Van Zieks, who had never pretended to like him, but had always challenged him as a lawyer, without underhanded tricks or traps, but with firm logic that eventually led them to the truth. He mentioned Van Zieks’ strange masked apprentice during the case of the Super-High-Voltage Instantaneous Kinesis Machine, and how he and Susato-san had both felt how familiar that man was, deep down.
Kazuma listened with keen interest, only occasionally chipping in to ask questions, or make snarky little comments.
“It’s good to know that Prosecutor Van Zieks has always been known for that sunny disposition...”
“A Scotland Yard detective? You can’t mean that girl with the dog who was bossing everyone around the crime scene?”
“I was wondering what that cat flap in the Old Bailey’s door was for, actually...”
“You two danced around a time bomb? Wish I could’ve seen that...”
But then, when the topic of the apprentice came up, his face darkened slightly.
“So... you both knew who I was?”
Ryunosuke nodded. “Before you did, I think. Do you even remember that case?”
“What, the case of the Super High Holtage- The Super Sigh Voltage-“ He took a deep breath. “The Super High Voltage Instansaneous Sinesis- Argh!”
“The ‘Super-High-Voltage Instantaneous Kinesis Machine’? Is that what you’re looking for?” asked Ryunosuke innocently, but he couldn’t hide the grin spreading on his face.
(Some things never change, do they?)
“Don’t laugh!” Kazuma snapped, gripping his katana. “The Huper Sigh Soltage-“
“Don’t hurt yourself, Kazuma. I haven’t even started about the International Forensic Science Symposium-“
“NO!”
Ryunosuke couldn’t help it. He exploded in a fit of giggles.
“It doesn’t matter! I remember it! I remember the case!” spluttered Kazuma, cheeks burning red, “Just don’t make me say it!”
Ryunosuke continued to laugh. “Kazuma, calm down. People will start staring.”
In truth, a couple of people were already staring at the peculiar pair of rambling Eastern gentlemen wandering down the quiet street. It didn’t bother Ryunosuke much – he was used to being stared at – but he was still thankful that they’d ended up somewhere with few people around. Actually...
“There seems to be a bench on that street corner up ahead,” said Ryunosuke, “Do you want to sit down there?”
“I could keep walking for hours,” Kazuma huffed, clearly feeling the need to prove something.
Ryunosuke gave him a look. “Good for you. But I’ve been hauling boxes around all morning. So I’d appreciate it, if you don’t mind.”
Kazuma deflated a little. “Sorry... Of course.”
The two of them reached the bench, and Ryunosuke immediately collapsed. He was more tired than he’d realised. Carrying boxes had been one thing, but he wondered if talking with Kazuma had exhausted him even more. After all, he felt as if he was treading on eggshells. He’d said a lot, but what was still left unsaid felt crushing in its weight.
(Perhaps it’s better not to mention it at all. We can just carry on pretending the last few days never happened... After all, I’m leaving, aren’t I? What difference does it make?)
Kazuma seated himself on the bench as well, and Ryunosuke wondered if all this conversation felt as difficult for him.
The two sat together on the bench for a while. The street corner was close to deserted, with the occasional passer-by on the pavement paying them no attention whatsoever, now that Kazuma had calmed down and taken his hands off his sword.
“This is very peaceful,” commented Kazuma.
“That’s where wandering gets you!” said Ryunosuke brightly. “Wonderful places, remember!”
“Or lost. Which is this?”
“...We’ll find out sooner or later.”
There was another pause. Kazuma shifted uncomfortably.
“You know... I visited Mr Vigil in his cell yesterday.”
“You did?”
Kazuma stared at the floor. “He says that he forgives it, now. That he’s glad the truth was able to come out. And that may be true. But...”
“But…”
(...But you still looked into my eyes in that courtroom, Kazuma, and told me to trust you. You knew I still trusted you.)
Ryunosuke couldn’t get the words out, but started to shake, clenching his fists, trying, as always, to hold himself together.
(You told me it was for the sake of the truth, although that was never the case. You used it to push me. You pushed me to drive that man to the depths of despair...)
“Ryunosuke...” Kazuma closed his eyes. “I’ve never seen you with an expression that intense outside of the courtroom.”
“Sorry.”
“Could I ask you something?” The man tensed up, fixing him with a stare. “That look on your face just now... Do you hate me? Do you hate me for everything I’ve done?”
There was a very long silence.
(Hate you, Kazuma..?)
(Do I really hate you?)
(...)
“I don’t know,” he sighed.
That was the truth.
Kazuma nodded slowly, averting his eyes. “That’s fair, of course. I don’t think I could ever apologise enough. I never intended to put my best friend through any of this.”
“And I don’t blame you for everything. You’re just... Not who I always thought you were, I suppose.”
“I suppose not.”
Ryunosuke’s eyes fell on the katana by Kazuma’s side. Karuma - the great blade he’d inherited on that day his best friend had died, which he’d diligently carried with him as he’d walked the path to uphold Kazuma’s legacy. Or at least, that’s what he’d thought he was doing.
Kazuma caught his gaze, and frowned. "Why did you become a lawyer, Ryunosuke?"
"What?" he responded, startled. "You of all people would know that, surely?"
“I wanted you to become a lawyer. I nudged you in a certain direction. Admittedly... not for entirely selfless reasons."
Ryunosuke stared at him. He had suspected as much, but hadn't expected Kazuma to actually tell him to his face.
"I thought I just sort of wandered into it... But it was a lot of 'nudging', yes. From a lot of different people," Ryunosuke said stiffly.
"I'm not trying to ask for forgiveness," said Kazuma, "but I don't believe I'm the real reason you chose to be a lawyer. I think you've had that drive in you for a long time."
Ryunosuke frowned. "A long time? I was an English student! I never wanted to pursue law."
"And yet... You came with me to London. If I'd asked anyone else if they wanted to illegally stow away inside my trunk and my wardrobe for almost two months to go to England, they would've thought I'd gone mad. Laughed in my face. But you agreed to it without a second thought. Nobody could have 'nudged' someone into doing that. You had a reason, even if you didn't know it."
(A reason? From the beginning...?)
Ryunosuke tried to cast his mind back to over a year ago, when he was just a student, during that first trial, when his thoughts had been racing, his eyes wouldn't stop darting around, and his attempts to slam the desk had sounded like a wet fish. Even back then, his desire to defend himself had been more about his best friend - making sure he could go to England - than actually protecting himself.
(...But I didn't give up.)
It would've been easier to give up. It was obvious even back then that he was being set up to fail, and that everyone in that courtroom wanted him gone, regardless of whether or not he was actually guilty of the crime.
Perhaps that feeling of injustice is what stirred his next memory. The memory of staring Jezaille Brett in the face, and becoming absolutely sure that she was the real killer. The feeling that had risen inside him in that moment, and that sudden burning desire to see the truth to the end. The feeling that had lead to him slamming his desk, pointing his finger, and yelling "OBJECTION!" to the entire courtroom.
(That feeling... That wasn't for Kazuma. It wasn't even to protect myself. Was that actually this "drive" I've felt all along...?)
"...And I thought I was just being a good friend," sighed Ryunosuke, to break the silence he was aware had stretched on too long now.
Kazuma had a small smile on his face. "Had it never occurred to you that being my 'good friend' didn't actually explain it? I mean, if you had just laughed in my face when I made that proposal, I wouldn't have thought any less of you."
"To be honest, it's transpired that I knew a lot less about myself than I thought I did.”
Kazuma fixed him with a sudden frown. Unfortunately, as many people had often told him, his thoughts must've been all over his face.
Ryunosuke sighed heavily. There was no use denying that the two of them weren't going to get anywhere if he still had all this dull but incessant tugging at the edges of his mind. He'd said himself in court that no matter how much pain it could cause, the truth eventually needed to come out, and to be laid bare. Perhaps their relationship was just the same.
Ryunosuke drew in a deep breath. "Alright. I've realised a lot of things about myself since then. One of those things... It might seem a little strange. And it does... concern you, in a way."
Kazuma’s expression shifted slightly.
"I figured out - or rather, Mr Sholmes figured out - that I don't... I don't experience certain feelings at all."
Now Kazuma furrowed his brow. "Certain feelings?"
Ryunosuke nodded quickly. "Yes! Feelings of... attraction, I suppose? I mean, I'd never noticed it before it was pointed out, but... I don't feel anything romantic or intimate like that at all. I'm just never drawn to people in that way. And I don't believe I'll ever get married, or... well...." he trailed off, feeling like he was rambling.
Kazuma put a hand to his chin in thought. "That... makes sense."
"It does?"
"Yes. I don't remember you ever showing interest in anybody at university, now that I think back myself. But it never stood out to me either."
(Oh. So it's not a surprise, then...)
"Not a surprise, no," said Kazuma, reading his thoughts again, "I just didn't know it was possible for someone to be such a way, so it never occurred to me." An even more thoughtful expression crossed his face. "Was all that... Was that... difficult? Was it difficult to work out?"
Ryunosuke saw how serious he looked, and decided that question deserved a proper answer. Kazuma waited patiently as he found his words.
"No," he concluded, "It wasn't difficult to work out. Like I said, I... uh... had it pointed out. But then it felt as if everything had clicked into place. It all just made sense, like you said. There was no question."
Kazuma began to nod slowly, before Ryunosuke interrupted by speaking again.
"But then… I remember lying there with this new knowledge about myself, and not knowing what to do next. I wasn't even sure if it was worth knowing at all. It made me feel so... isolated from everybody else. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by those who understand me - and even Mr Sholmes, who feels the same as I do - but... sometimes, in the smallest things, I'm reminded of how different I actually am." He was surprised to find himself shaking a little. "No, working it out wasn't difficult. But everything since then... even at the best of times, there are still times where it is difficult. If that makes any sense."
"So... Would it have been better to never have known at all?" Kazuma asked quietly.
"No," said Ryunosuke. "I thought that at first, but I was wrong. I'm glad I know this about myself. Despite any pain it has caused me, I suffered more without knowing... Even if I didn't see that at the time." He straightened up. "Now I can figure out what I want from my life, and from other people. It was all out of my hands before."
Ryunosuke felt an uncomfortable lurch in his stomach as he realised everything he'd said. The truth was one thing, but he felt as if he'd bared his entire soul. Why was he doing this?
Kazuma gave him a slight smile. "It sounds like you've learnt a lot, Ryunosuke. Thank you for telling me."
Ryunosuke felt a small wash of relief. "...Thank you for listening. I know I have a tendency to ramble-"
Kazuma shook his head. "No. Not at all. I'm glad that you felt you could talk so much." Then he frowned a little, folded his arms, and put two thoughtful fingers to his temple. "But there is one thing... How does this concern me?"
Ryunosuke stared at the man blankly for a few seconds. Then it hit him.
(Wait! I DID say that, didn't I?)
"Right at the beginning," prompted Kazuma, as if pressing him on previous testimony, "you said-"
"Yes! I remember now!" Ryunosuke bit his lip. He desperately wanted to peddle back now. For a little while, it'd felt like they were getting along again. He'd even opened up to Kazuma in a way he'd never been able to in the past. He couldn’t risk this now.
As Ryunosuke's mind continued to race, Kazuma continued to give him a confused and expectant stare. He needed to come up with an excuse to change the subject. Quickly.
"H-have you met Chuunosuke?"
"Have I- who?"
Ryunosuke pulled the little felt mouse from his pocket. The outfit that went with it was already packed away, but he'd taken the charm to carry around for good luck. He presented it to Kazuma. "Iris made it! He's a mouse version of me!"
"Ryunosuke. You're a lawyer now. You can do better than this."
"...You don't like him?"
Kazuma threw out his palm and shook his head. "The mouse? He's adorable. I was talking about your dire attempt to change the subject."
"Ah..."
"If you want to say something, please just say it. It's clearly bothering you, and now it's bothering both of us."
Ryunosuke pocketed the mouse again, heart pounding.
(No matter how painful it may be...)
"Kazuma... Can you give me an honest answer to what I'm about to ask?
"Of course. But what-"
"Listen!" Ryunosuke cut in, feeling himself growing frantic, eyes darting around as they always did. "I always referred to you as my best friend. And that's how I always saw you. B-but then I came to realise that I didn't understand a lot of things. And the possibility presented itself that, well, maybe... But I'm not sure! And you don't need to say anything, really, and this whole thing-"
"Ryunosuke," Kazuma interrupted, "You have a way with words. I've seen it both in and outside the courtroom. But right now, you're saying a lot of words that don't add up to an actual question."
"I know..." he groaned.
"Are you asking me if I've ever harboured any of those feelings towards you?"
Ryunosuke stared at him, dumbfounded. "You... Uh... That might be what I was coming to, yes. But you don't have to-"
"Finally," Kazuma sighed, "We got there in the end." He visibly tensed up. "Do you really want the truth?"
Ryunosuke took in a deep breath to calm himself, then looked him in the eye. "Of course. The truth is what this has all been about, hasn't it?"
"Alright." Kazuma averted his gaze, taking a deep breath himself. "I don't know."
"You don't... What?"
"I told the truth. I don't know."
This had not been a response Ryunosuke was expecting. "Kazuma... I really do respect if you don't want to answer-"
"Is it so surprising? Didn't you say moments ago that you were unaware of your own feelings until recently?"
Ryunosuke blinked. "O-Oh! I suppose you're right..."
"When we were friends back then, I was focused on a goal. That goal completely consumed me.”
(Yes... We all just spent a very long time uncovering that one.)
"But," Kazuma continued, "I also had you, Ryunosuke. Somebody separate from all of that. In you, I had a close friend, and what we had was simple, and consistent, and it's something I needed." He closed his eyes, tensing up again. "If... If there was something beneath that surface... something else... then I couldn’t say. I was pushing down a lot of feelings back then... a lot of myself. I don't think I could even tell the difference. I'd never had someone in my life like you before." He opened his eyes to stare directly at Ryunosuke. "Again, I was telling the truth. I really… don't know."
"That sounds... confusing," Ryunosuke admitted.
He suddenly found himself appreciative of how quickly he'd realised that Mr Sholmes' deduction about him was accurate. As he'd just said, he'd only managed to deny it for about five minutes - as he recalled - before being completely certain about everything, as soon as he'd actually sat down and thought about it. It was the aftermath that he struggled with.
It was hard to imagine the turmoil in Kazuma's head if he couldn't even pinpoint his feelings - or lack thereof - in any way he could make sense of.
(On top of everything else he's had to think of, as well... It must be an insurmountable thing to face.)
Kazuma gave him a pained look. "I'm sorry I can't give you an answer you were looking for. But that's the truth of it."
His expression hardened. "And now I owe you even more, of course. Even though you saw me in that trial at my lowest, so vengeful and cruel, and wandering so far from the truth... You still fought to bring me back. Your words dragged me out of that darkness and into the light again. Our friendship isn't what it used to be. I doubt it ever could be again, after what you saw of me in that courtroom, and after all that's happened. I'd understand if you never even wanted to see me again. But I want you to know that I still value it, regardless."
Ryunosuke exhaled. He'd been holding his breath without noticing.
"...Thank you, Kazuma," he said. “I’ve finally answered your question, too.”
“Which one?”
“I don’t hate you.”
Kazuma turned away again, hands gripping the edges of the bench.
“I’m still angry,” Ryunosuke added, “I’m angry about a lot of things you’ve done. Of course I’m angry. It’s been all I can do to stop myself from boiling over. And I think you were right... when you said you can’t apologise enough.” He sighed heavily, slumping his shoulders. “But I don’t hate you. I never did.”
Kazuma nodded silently.
After a pause, Ryunosuke put a hand to his chin, and continued.
"Please don't feel bad about what you said just now. I was just... concerned. Concerned that we'd both seen our relationship in different ways. When you were dead, I spent a long time wishing I could go back and tell you what I know now, and now I've had the chance to do that. So... thank you for listening. And for telling the truth. No matter how painful it may have been."
Kazuma hadn’t spoken up in a while. Even with his face turned away, Ryunosuke caught that the man was trembling.
"And... I value our friendship too," Ryunosuke assured him gently.
It was the truth.
Friends.
That was right, wasn't it? Despite everything... They were still friends to each other.
Kazuma drew in a shaky breath. "That question you managed to answer for yourself... Of how you feel about people... About what you want from life..." He finally turned around again, a determined look on his face. "That question is a journey for me to face alone."
"A journey that might be easier, now that your head is much more clear?" suggested Ryunosuke hopefully, "And now that you don't have to bury yourself anymore. The people who know you can now know... you, can't they?"
"You might be right."
“I know that the you I knew before might not have been who you really are. But, for what it’s worth... I don’t think that you in the courtroom was, either. You’d lost yourself.”
“I’m...“ Kazuma’s voice began to crack as he forced out his words. “I’m not sure who ‘myself’ is anymore...”
“Then you can discover that! And then one day, I’ll return to London, and our paths will cross again. I’ll meet with you. The real you! A Kazuma Asogi whose fog has cleared, and doesn’t need to hide himself anymore.” He tilted his head in a smile. “I think I’ll get along with him very well, you know.”
Kazuma turned away again, still trembling, and shakily wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Ryunosuke could only stare at him.
(How strange... In all the time I knew him... I never once saw you cry, did I?)
Kazuma opened his mouth to speak, but instead just crumpled, head in his hands, and started shaking with sobs.
It seemed the dam had broken at last. And after everything that had happened over the past weeks...who could blame him?
Without a second thought, Ryunosuke placed a comforting hand on Kazuma’s back, and his friend made no effort to remove it. So there it stayed, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing, until he slowly calmed from sobs to faint cries.
Before Kazuma had the chance to say anything, Ryunosuke decided to lighten the mood, withdrawing his hand as he spoke.
"You know, you don't have to do it all alone...” he said, brightening up, “You could just find a detective to deduce everything for you!"
“I... I can’t fault that it worked for you, but that doesn’t make it a good idea," said Kazuma carefully, unable to tell if he was joking.
"You're right. Very wise of you,” laughed Ryunosuke. “But Kazuma... I did mean it. I'll be on the other side of the world, but... I'm still here, you know? Just a letter away. I might have discovered I'm not the best when it comes to matters of the heart-"
Kazuma snorted at that one.
"-but I hope I can offer an ear, at least. And you can be certain that I could never judge you about whatever comes to light."
"Ryunosuke..." Kazuma gave his friend a smile full of a genuine warmth he hadn't seen since the man had appeared in London. “As much as you've changed, I see you're still as consistent of a friend as you used to be."
"And as much as you've changed, I'm not about to stop caring about you, Kazuma." He got a certain glint in his eye. "Even if it does turn out you have one-sided feelings for-"
"Enough!" snapped Kazuma, reaching for the katana at his side out of reflex. "That's not how things are!"
Ryunosuke laughed. "Kazuma. I'm just winding you up."
His friend sighed. "I know. And I fall for it every time!" He shook his head, folding his arms. "In any case... After what you told me about yourself, it actually feels like a weight has been lifted."
"Really? How so?"
"For more than a few moments during that conversation, I thought you were about to confess to me."
"Oh,” Ryunosuke winced, “Sorry.”
"Don't apologise, that was just my own assumption,” he sighed. “In any case, in those moments, I realised how much I didn't want you to say those words. And what you said instead was a huge relief." His expression softened. "Like you said yourself, there was a sort of uncertainty, wasn’t there? Neither of us knew who we were, after all. But now it’s gone. I can always rely on you as my friend, Ryunosuke, with no worry or expectation of anything different."
Ryunosuke felt a grin spread across his face. "...In other words, I'm consistent?”
"That's right. You're consistent." Kazuma gave him a gentle smile. "...Partner?"
Ryunosuke nodded. "...Partner."
The two of them spent a few moments in comfortable company, as the rays of the setting sun began to peek between the buildings.
Kazuma suddenly jumped to his feet. "I forgot! Mr Sholmes! How will we find our way back to Baker Street?"
"Easily," said Ryunosuke calmly, brushing off his cloak as he stood up too, "because I know where we are. I've been to this street a few times before."
Kazuma narrowed his eyes. "You didn't wander. You walked."
"And you didn't walk. You wandered," said Ryunosuke in return. He cocked his head with a grin, bringing a hand to his chin. "There's definitely a metaphor in there somewhere, don't you think?"
Kazuma laughed, and it sounded bright and genuine. "Yes... I think you're right."
That trial was over now. And Ryunosuke was due to travel to the other side of the world in just a few days.
Their friendship had been fractured, just as the tip of that katana had been, and perhaps Kazuma was right when he said it could never be the same way again.
But despite everything, if they could talk like this now, and still laugh, and feel that warmth - not entirely as it used to be, but not entirely new, either - then Ryunosuke had hope that they could build things up again. There was much left that needed saying, and much more to feel angry about, and a lot for them both to process - but after some distance, and some time, Ryunosuke felt sure he could return to London and meet with his best friend. Not the best friend he once knew, but the one he’d grow to know.
After all, if Ryunosuke’s friendship with Kazuma Asogi had weathered this storm, battered as it was... it would take much more to tear them apart forever.