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”I’m tellin’ ya, ‘samu. He’s the one.”
Osamu isn’t exactly sure how the conversation had taken such a turn, considering what the original question was. “I asked how trainin’ went. I ain’t interested in yer love life, ya scrub.”
“Ugh, fine.” Atsumu concedes. “So yesterday I was settin’ ta Kiyoomi…that’s his name, by the way. Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue? Kiyoomi. Kiyoooomi. Oooomi…he’s just so pretty, ‘samu…”
Osamu just rolls his eyes and walks towards their bedroom.
“Hey, where’re ya goin’!”
”Gettin’ away from you before I barf, ya lovesick puppy dog!”
Atsumu stomps into their shared room where he finds Osamu holding a bright neon yellow and green hoodie. “The fuck is this ugly thing?” he asks the blonde, turning it around to see ‘Itachiyama’ plastered across the back.
“Shit, gimme that!” Atsumu snatches the garment away, hiding it behind his back.
“Ya didn’t.” Osamu stares at his twin in disbelief.
“It all happened so fast!” Atsumu attempts to explain himself. “It fell outta his gym bag ‘n I dunno…I guess I panicked?”
“So instead of givin’ it back ta him like a normal human, ya went full stalker? I bet ya sniff it at night too, ya fuckin’ pervert.” Atsumu declines to speak, but it doesn’t matter when his eyes give him away. “Yer disgustin’.”
Atsumu brings the hoodie up to his face, closes his eyes and takes a big whiff. “Whatever. It’ll make fer a good story at our weddin’.”
[6 years later]
“Ma, bring me the bag!” Osama calls across the table. He stands before ceremoniously tapping his champagne glass. “Alright, let’s get this shit over with.” His opening line is met with chuckles from the crowd and a choice finger from Atsumu.
Mama Miya hands a mysterious tote to Osamu as he continues. “When my asshole brother met Kiyoomi, I couldn’t get him to shut up about him.” Osamu proceeds to reinact the conversation in a mocking tone. ‘He’s just so pretty!’, ‘His name is Kiyoooomi’, ‘He’s definitely the one’. And oh my god, it was sickening.”
The crowd is roaring with laughter as Atsumu’s entire face flushes. With wide eyes he mouths ‘YOU CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW’ and though there are no actual sounds, Osamu can practically hear his twin yelling.
“It’s okay, darling. Let him finish.” Kiyoomi says lovingly as he motions back to Osamu to continue.
“As I was sayin’…head over heels from day one. But since he’s a little chicken shit, it was four years before he even got the guy’s number.”
Osamu glanced over at Atsumu, who was still red as a tomato, likely from a combination of embarassment and anger. He interrupts, “Yeah, we get it. It was some next level pinin’, but it all worked out in the end, didn’t it?” He glances over at his glowing groom, who was thankfully giggling and not running in the opposite direction.
“Shut up, I’m not done.” Osamu scolds. “In this bag is the one thing that ‘tsumu left at ma’s house when he moved in with Kiyoomi. Not sure if it was an accident or if he just didn’t wanna get his creeper-ass caught, but…”
When Osamu pulls out the familiar hoodie, Atsumu slams his head on the table and Kiyoomi lets out a gasp. “I lost that years ago! At…”
“Yep, at All-Japan. The week you two met. He told me it fell outta yer bag, but then he just full-on stole it.” At this point, Osamu can see his job is done and the damage to his poor brother’s reputation is irreperable. “Told me it’d be a good story ta tell at yer weddin’, and well…ya really brought this on yerself, ‘tsumu.”
Kiyoomi lifts Atsumu’s chin off the table. “You’re such a freak”, he says affectionately, starry-eyes gazing into amber, “and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Atsumu melts as his newly minted husband plants a kiss on his lips.
Osamu smiles, raising his glass as shouts, “To the happy couple!”
Later that night, Osamu receives a selfie of Atsumu wearing the hoodie while making a crude gesture with his free hand. The caption read “Thanks for the wedding gift 🍑👅🥵”
“Ew, you can keep that shit ta yerself”, he texts back, before adding a final, “but congrats, perv.”