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Living Yet Still

Summary:

Ei sensed a presence. “Come forward. If you already dared follow an archon into these depths, then see it through and reveal yourself.” After a long moment, Scaramouche stepped forward. Hand on her hip, Ei raised her chin. “What business do you have with me?”

Shaking his head, Scaramouche waved a hand in dismissal. He mumbled, “There’s no point. You don’t remember.”

“Don’t remember—?” Ei inhaled sharply. Brows furrowed, she studied him. Read the unusual flow of energy within him. “You… you are the unaccounted-for puppet from my memory.”

Realizing there's a hole in her memories, Raiden journeys into the Shakkei Pavilion domain—the place where she had abandoned Scaramouche after his creation—and finds him waiting for her there. A Raiden & Scaramouche family fix-it fic!

My piece for Eternity's Queendom: A Raidens Zine.
Carrd | Twitter

Notes:

I love both Scaramouche and Raiden, and it's been taking HYV forever to have them meet in game so here it is!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

There was a memory missing from Ei’s mind.

She discovered this while sorting through documents about puppet maintenance in the Tenshukaku. After fighting 500 years in the realm of consciousness, the Shogun puppet needed fine-tuning. All of the notes on the previous shogun prototypes were meticulously numbered, but one serialization number was missing. Ei couldn’t remember anything about this lone puppet. Like picking a scab instead of letting it heal, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“I see. What an interesting conundrum.” After sipping some tea, Nahida set her cup on the low table between her and Ei. They sat in a small guest room in the Tenshukaku, Nahida having come at Ei’s invitation.

Ei knelt on the tatami mat. “I was hoping you could use your ability to read minds or search my dreams to recover the gaps in my memory.”

Frowning, Nahida held her chin. Eyes closed, she tapped her lips. “Unfortunately, I’m not confident I could be that precise. Perhaps I could be after you visit a place connected to your past memories. Some place other than the Tenshukaku as it hasn’t seemed to be successful.”

“There are a number of locations that come to mind that I could—”

“What about the Shakkei Pavilion? I’ve heard it’s quite ancient.”

Ei raised a brow. There were many more places in Inazuma that were still more ancient, but Ei had meditated there a few times when her sister, Makoto, was still alive. “Very well. I shall depart at once. I appreciate you coming all this way. How can I repay this favor?”

“No need! Only…” Nahida gazed at Ei, the spark of life in her eyes growing dim. “If you see any ghosts there, take care of them for me.”


Ei strode across the wooden flooring, her heels clipping echoing in the domain. Dust stirred in her wake. She passed under glistening spiderwebs in a doorway into an open space. Before her lay a traditional Inazuma mansion. Tree roots snaked down the building. The roof’s eaves extended past the wall, covering a veranda. Its embossed double doors remained shut. Paper lanterns hung from the eaves, unlit and untouched.

To think a domain could hold such a well-preserved, ancient mansion indoors. A slice of eternity. Ei glanced around at the holes in the floor and dusty pots around the room. This domain could certainly harbor a ghost or two. But clues of the past…?

Ei summoned notes on her previous puppets. Under the incarnation after the missing entry, Ei had written, “This one is also still too emotional. I must recalibrate—”

The floor creaked behind her.

Ei whipped around, eyes narrowed. There weren’t any signs of movement behind the lattice walls that surrounded the room. The only sound was the crackling of lit torches. With no wind, the air felt still. Stale.

And yet Ei sensed a presence. “Come forward. If you already dared follow an archon into these depths, then see it through and reveal yourself.”

After a long moment, Scaramouche stepped forward. His geta crunched maple leaves underfoot. 

Ei’s frown deepened. His dark hair and eyes, sharp cheekbones, and slight but solid build—if Ei was human, he could be her son; they looked so similar.

Hand on her hip, Ei raised her chin. “What business do you have with me?”

Scaramouche scoffed. “Nothing.”

“And yet you’ve stepped into the light instead of fleeing. So speak.”

Shaking his head, Scaramouche waved a hand in dismissal. He mumbled, “There’s no point. You don’t remember.”

“Don’t remember—?” Ei inhaled sharply. Brows furrowed, she studied him. Read the unusual flow of energy within him. “You… you are the unaccounted-for puppet from my memory.”

For a fraction of a second, Scaramouche flinched, his eyes widening. Then he sneered, “Well, well. Give the lady a prize. Can’t say I ever thought you’d recognize me.”

Ei held her head, straining to remember. “Why do I have no recollection of you? What happened at your inception?”

Scaramouche observed a ball of Anemo he conjured in his hand. The wind buffed his hair and the flames of a nearby torch. “Let’s just say an incident with Irminsul removed me from your mind. I won’t elaborate, so don’t ask. And as for my creation…” Scaramouche clenched his fist, snuffing the Anemo ball and firelight out and casting him in shadow. His eyes gleamed in the dark. “Just because I shed tears upon being born, you tossed me aside like some garbage. Five centuries ago, you abandoned me here in this domain and never looked back.”

“I… I see…” Closing her eyes, Ei searched her memories from that time. “Yes, that does sound like a course of action I would take.”

Scaramouche shot her a frosty glare. “Why? Why did you do it?"

Ei placed a hand over her heart. So much anger… It appears he’s quite a deal more emotional than my past self would have anticipated. Truly, he resembles a human. “Given my lack of memories, I don’t know if I’m able to provide a satisfactory answer. I can only speculate that one so susceptible to emotions would not be the merciless shogun needed to rule Inazuma, nor mighty enough to turn the tides in a catastrophe. But in leaving the life the shogun behind, you had the freedom to take any path you so choose.”

“Please.” Tsking, Scaramouche crossed his arms and turned his head away. “If that’s the self-righteous excuse you wanna use to feel good about yourself, that’s fine. Suppose that’s all that could be expected. I knew speaking to you would be a waste of time.”

Electricity sparked around Ei, stirring the leaves across the floor. Her purple eyes glowed. “You should choose your words more wisely when speaking to the Raiden Shogun.”

“Or what? Going to take me apart and put me back together? Torture me? Ha! Go ahead, it’s all been done to me before.”

Ei knitted her brows. “You have so little regard for your life.”

Scaramouche laughed. Hand on his stomach, he threw his head back and laughed harder. The peals echoed throughout the halls of the empty domain. “Well, being orphaned for caring too much was a great start. But it only got worse from there.” Scaramouche’s balled fists trembled at his side. Anemo winds started to blow around him, billowing his robes and the leaves, before quickly whipping up into a gale. “I stumbled around, having no idea who I was or the reason why I existed. Everyone who showed me kindness died; they would’ve been better off without me. Then I joined the Fatui to become stronger, but fighting in the abyss was only suffering and agony with no end in sight, just being broken apart and put together and broken apart and put together again and all the while all I could think of was why?!” The tempests extinguished all the torches in the room, plunging the room into darkness. Head bowed, Scaramouche whispered, “Why didn’t you just…? Why didn’t you kill me?”

Silence fell over the domain. The mansion loomed over them. In the wake of Scaramouche’s winds, the paper lanterns trembled. The wooden floorboards creaked.

Eyes closed, Ei craned her head back. “Death… the antithesis to eternity. In truth, I briefly contemplated accepting its embrace after Makoto and Kitsune Saiguu passed. But after Makoto’s death, I assumed the mantle of being Inazuma’s archon. In my misguided judgment, I strove to preserve the Inazuma Makoto knew for eternity, so when my time on Teyvat ended, I could show her the country she loved so dearly hadn’t changed. But thanks to the Traveler, I saw how much suffering my false ambition caused. Now I seek to create a better Inazuma, one that fosters human potential, an Inazuma that Makoto would have strived for. I cannot die until such a dream is realized. Shouldering the losses of the past, stumbling and fumbling, I must live on until the day I can stride forward.”

Ei crossed the distance between them. Using electricity, Ei ignited the blown-out torches, setting everything in a soft orange glow. With his head lowered, Scaramouche’s hat covered his eyes. Ei asked, “In your journeys, have you found such a purpose?”

Scaramouche swallowed. Nodded. “Yeah… I do now.”

Smiling, Ei pressed a hand to her heart. “Then I’m afraid you cannot die yet either. In continuing to live and in serving others, you discover the greatest fulfillment and self-satisfaction life has to offer.”

Scaramouche looked away, still not meeting her eyes. “Even if I wasn’t the puppet you wanted for Inazuma, why didn’t you keep me?”

“Ah… Again, I can only theorize, but…” Ei cupped his cheek. Gasping, Scaramouche stared at her. “It’s because you would have made me weak. If I lost you too after losing Makoto, Kitsune Saiguu, and the others, I couldn’t bear it.”

Touching his face, Ei felt the strange sensation of déjà vu settle over her. A faint recollection played in her mind: the muscle memory of holding someone’s face just like this and wiping a tear. Following the memory’s guidance, Ei brushed a thumb across Scaramouche’s face, brushing away a tear.

He tensed like a bowstring. Vision glowing, Scaramouche blasted away from her, flying backwards. “Don’t touch me!”

Brows raised, Ei watched him. After breathing heavily for a few moments, Scaramouche landed on the floor. Arms crossed, he jutted his chin to the side. Cleared his throat.

Ei tilted her head to the side. “If the desire should ever strike you, we can cross blades and train together.” And perhaps after that, we can drink tea and play cards like I once did with Makoto.

Hand on his hip, Scaramouche raised his other hand in the air. “Didn’t you just say that keeping me around weakens you?”

Ei hummed, considering his words. “No… I think not. After accompanying the Traveler, I have found there is strength in the company of others.”

“Ugh.” Scaramouche rolled his eyes. “You sound just like her.”

Her? Ei didn’t know whom he spoke of; she barely knew anything about him. Frowning, she asked, “What is your name?”

Scaramouche exhaled. “If you must know. My name is…” He told her. Robes flapping, Scaramouche turned around. “Now I’m leaving. The next time we meet, I might not be so friendly or generous like I was this time.”

“I look forward to it.”

Tsking, Scaramouche rose into the air and flew down the hall. He disappeared from sight.

Letting out an exhale, Ei turned and gazed around the room. Broken cross beams hung down from the ceiling. Dust mites floated in the air. The mansion lay still.

How fortunate to find no ghosts haunting these halls. Thank you, little one, for living yet still. For now, we have another chance.

Heels clicking, Ei strode forward.

Notes:

It was so lovely being a part of this zine and being able to give Raiden some love. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

I'm on Twitter here.

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