Chapter Text
***
The school hallway lengthened and narrowed with each step, the sunset colouring the walls. Orange and red, they pulsed in the rhythm of a sleep-deprived brain. Headache growing stronger, Jay stumbled forward, dragging his feet until the chatter of students went quiet. The next row of classrooms seemed empty.
There HAS to be a place I can sleep.
But the first two classrooms had occupants: sharp-eyed overachievers under whose gaze Jay immediately apologized and left. He just didn't have the energy to argue.
The third classroom was locked. The fourth room was actually a teacher's office. Sleeping there might get him suspended, but damn, teachers have their comforts! he thought wistfully as he left behind the small but cosy office, with a little sofa and a pillow. A pillow! They were too bulky to bring to school - not to mention they'd raise more than a few teachers’ eyebrows. But right now, he wanted one more than anything.
The last room in the long hallway was the gym. The lights were off. Jay's footsteps echoed as he made his way to a small room to the side. It was a storage space for exercise equipment, barely larger than a cupboard.
And unlocked, weirdly enough. Bingo.
Stumbling in with the lights off, Jay was already letting off a sigh of relief. Just barely making out the silhouette of a pile of old yellow matresses in the corner, he rushed forward. Ironically enough, he briefly felt happy and energized, for the first time that day.
He was already collapsing facefirst into that heavenly pile when he felt, more than saw, that something was off.
Breath catching in his throat, Jay barely managed to steady himself, grabbing the side of the window, the other arm pinwheeling frantically. One of his knees was already on the mattress, the other leg still off. And when he looked down, he realized with a start that he had accidentally almost head-butted a person. There was a boy about Jay's age, in a crumpled school uniform, laying on his back at the exact spot Jay almost jumped into. He was sound asleep.
Sometimes, when you're very, very sleepy, time seems to stop and lose all meaning. At least, that's what Jay told himself, as dust particles danced in the single last ray of sun, and it, in turn, fell across the other boy's face.
He was pale, with plenty of moles and long, dark eyelashes and eyebrows. His brown hair was a mess, looking like he'd been napping there for quite a while.
Frozen in time, the scene stood still, like an oil painting in some famous museum. The dust particles were the only thing that was moving, glittering in the sun like fairy dust. There was something fairy-tale-like about it, too. Something aetherial, like Snow White sleeping in her glass coffin, or Sleeping Beauty in her enchanted castle. The boy's messy hair and uniform, his deep eyebags, and the saggy old yellow mattresses beneath, seemed just as perfect as the princess’ perfectly styled cartoon hair, elegant curls never losing shape despite decades of sleep.
“... What are you doing?”
If he hadn't been so sleepy, Jay would've jumped out of his skin right now, startled. As it was, he merely flinched.
The other boy was awake now. Well, awake might be too generous. He was squinting up at Jay, the nearly extinguished sunset still too bright for his tired eyes. His eyebrows, already close together, were huddled even closer in confusion.
It was like looking into a mirror. The other boy looked just as exhausted and disoriented as Jay felt all day.
Finally getting to his senses, Jay stumbled to his feet and backed up towards the door.
“Ah… I'm just... Sorry.”
And he was gone.
***
Sometimes, when you're very, very sleepy, you don't really process things the way you would if you were well-rested. Or, you might not process things at all. Days went by, and Jay nearly forgot his run-in (or fall-on?) with the sleeping boy.
All that was really on his mind was finding a place in the school to get a few hours of sleep before his evening shift at work. Preferably without the teachers knowing. Sleeping in school was forbidden, even if it wasn't during classes.
But after a few days of dozing off against the wall of the broom cupboard, the chemical smell of disinfectant burning his nostrils, Jay decided to give the gym storage room another try.
Unlocked, again? Jay thought, as he entered. As he did, he heard a groan and a muttered: “Mom, can you knock at least…?”
It took a good few seconds for Jay's tired brain to register what he had heard. When he finally did, he couldn't help but let out a chuckle. Cute, a voice in his head said.
The other boy stirred. His eyes snapped open. It seemed he finally understood what he had said in his waking stupor. He stared at Jay, ears flaming, gripping the edge of the olive green jacket he used as a blanket.
“Get out.”
Jay silently obeyed, once again too tired to argue.
***
YES! Third time's the charm! thought Jay a few sleepless days later. He dared to try the gym storage room yet again, and this time found it empty.
The comforting hug of the tall pile of mattresses was… simply lovely. Perhaps even more lovely after longing for it for so long.
I'm never sleeping in the broom cupboard again, Jay vowed, lips forming a satisfied smile.
But the comfort didn't last. Despite being all cosy and comfortable, even adopting the other boy's habit of draping his jacket over himself, Jay couldn't sleep. He felt weird. Like an intruder. Like he was sleeping in someone else's bed. The other boy's bed.
To make matters worse, there was a faint citrus scent on the mattress. Something fresh and sophisticated. Something no old yellow mattress should smell like.
Is this… his perfume? Jay silently cursed. He needed to sleep, and he needed to do it right now! With only two hours to go until work, every second of shut-eye was precious.
As if the universe itself was against him, the door creaked open right at that moment. A pale face peered through, dotted with moles like a paint-splattered canvas. A face that was quickly becoming familiar.
A smug feeling rose from Jay's stomach. This weird guilt about intruding on what he felt was the other boy's space made him oddly defensive.
“What?” asked Jay, his tone rough, and made rougher by the fact he still had his morning voice, despite it being late afternoon. Sleeping erratically, whenever you could, made you have a near-permanent vocal fry.
The other boy frowned, closing the door behind him. “I didn't say anything.”
Sometimes, when you're very, very sleepy, you get irritable, snappy, easily annoyed.
“I can sleep here too, you know.” said Jay, words slow and dragged out. This is already five minutes of sleep down the drain because of this asshole.
“Never said you couldn't.” said the other boy, taking a step forward.
It was Jay's turn to frown. “Yes, you did!”
“No, I didn't!”
“You shooed me out the other day!”
“I was embarrassed. I didn't mean it.”
The sudden honestly made Jay pause. He cast a suspicious glance at the other boy, before turning to face the wall and try to sleep.
“Really? You're not gonna let me sleep?” asked the boy.
Jay groaned loudly, partly because he was ready to literally pass out, but partly for dramatic effect. “Fine,” Jay said grumpily. Flipping over and sitting on his knees, he slid the top mattress off the pile and to the floor.
At least NOW I don't have to smell his perfume. It wasn't an objective improvement - as Jay found out once the stench of old mattress sponge and decades-old sweat hit his nostrils. But it might help with feeling like some kind of voyeur who had snuck into the other boy's bed.
The pale boy looked from Jay, lounged on a tall stack of almost a dozen yellow rectangles, to the single mattress on the floor. “Just one? That doesn't seem fair.”
“Ughhh”, Jay groaned - yet again- and rolling his eyes and turning his back to the other boy - yet again. I have no time for this!!
For a while, Jay thought the other boy had given up and taken the single mattress. He was about to finally fall asleep, but… something was off.
The smell of old mattresses was drowned out once again by citrus and woody notes.
Turning around, Jay suppressed a surprised gasp.
On the same matress as his own, only centimeters away, the other boy was laying, almost asleep. He hadn't even taken off his jacket. His eyes had almost fluttered closed, before noticing Jay staring at him in shock.
Jay raised his own upper body up off the matress and opened his mouth to speak, but the other boy was faster. His voice was just a whisper, soft and drawn-out and so, so tired.
“Listen, can't we just… drop all of this and sleep? It's much more comfortable up here, and I have only an hour or so before I have to go to practise. Just for an hour. I really don't have time.”
Jay's first instinct was to refuse. He was already annoyed, and the other boy was way too fucking close. Never mind feeling weird about sleeping in a place the other boy had slept - now they were literally in the same bed.
And yet… seeing the other boy so up close, Jay could see that his eyebags hung even deeper than before, taking on a sickly-looking green colour. And really, Jay was getting too tired to argue. (He tried not to think about how that was becoming a pattern.)
He let the other boy's question hang in the air, before relenting.
“That's the first smart thing I've heard you say.”
The other boy rolled his big, brown eyes that looked even bigger up close. “Why are you so cranky?”
“Because I haven't slept more than two hours a day all week.”
The other boy studied him for a second, maybe wondering if it was true, lips parting to ask a question. But then, a shadow came over his pale face, and his eyes fell closed. “We should sleep.” he whispered.
Jay was already doing so.
***
After the comfort of the mattresses, there was no way in hell Jay was settling for the broom closet again. Even if he had to bear that goddamn scent of citrus.
“If we're gonna sleep together like this, you're gonna have to tell me your name,” said Jay. He hoped he sounded annoyed and not flirty.
But the quirk of the corner of the other boy's lips left Jay wondering if he had failed. “Sunghoon.” he said breathily. His eyes were already half-closed. His eyelashes are really very long, Jay caught his mind idly thinking, as it often did. Sometimes, when you're very, very sleepy, you notice the most random stuff.
“I'm Jay.” muttered Jay.
“Why are you always tired, Jay?”
“Why are you?”
Neither answered, but neither turned away, either. Soon, both were asleep, facing each other as if ready to resume conversation at any time.
But they never did. As always, at the loud classical music from Sunghoon's phone, Sunghoon woke up, grabbed his stuff and ran. And as always, Jay had another hour to sleep.
Jay never slept very well during that second hour.
The mattress was always a little less comfortable without the scent of citrus.
***
Jay found out the reason for Sunghoon's sleepiness soon enough.
He didn't try to. He hadn't asked anyone about it, nor mentioned Sunghoon to anyone. Their encounters felt strangely intimate, even though Jay knew he had no real reason to feel so weird and embarrassed about it. They were just sleeping, after all.
And besides, Jay's conversations with his classmates were now few and far between. He was becoming distant and distracted. It's hard to hold up a conversation when you can't keep your eyes open.
It was a poster on the notice board that made Jay do a double take, even in his dream-like, sleep-deprived state.
Sunghoon was on the poster, in a skin-tight glimmering purple suit, holding an elegant yet triumphant position, in the middle of a big skating rink.
Ahhh, so that's it, thought Jay sleepily, somehow remembering Sunghoon mentioning “practise”.
“Don't you have a place to sleep at the skating rink?” asked Jay that day on the old yellow mattress tower. “A changing room or something?”
The setting sun was caressing Sunghoon's pale face, yet his tired eyes reflected none of the glow. His lips twisted in a humorless smile. “You think my coach would let me sleep if I'm already there? He'd have me do extra practice.”
“Harsh.” whispered Jay. His voice now had a permanent vocal fry, no matter the time of day or how much tea he drank.
Sunghoon shrugged. “It's his job to be harsh.”
Jay stared at the ceiling. It was just as yellow and just as dilapidated as the matresses. Jay felt like he was floating on some sickly sea, which reflected a burnt, tired sky.
“How much harshness can a person take?” Jay asked.
Sunghoon gave it a thought. “As much as necessary. We have to survive.”
“What if we can't?” asked Jay, before suddenly becoming self-conscious. “Sorry. Let's just sleep. We don't have time.”
Just as he was drifting off, he felt something at his shoulder. In disbelief, he realized it was Sunghoon's long-fingered hand, slightly squeezing his shoulder, then slipping down to rest on the side of his arm.
“We can. I know we can.” It was merely a whisper, yet Jay felt the breath of those words on his neck.
He thought of shaking Sunghoon's hand off, or giving some kind of retort, but he was really way too exhausted for that.
***
Day after day, it was becoming a routine. Jay on the left side of the matress pile, closer to the wall and the window above. Sunghoon on the right side, feeling the sun on his face, having an “isle seat” so he can easily get out once his hour-and-something was up without disturbing Jay.
But on this particular day, Jay woke Sunghoon up with a sudden gasp of realization.
“Whaaat?” asked a sleepy Sunghoon.
“A teacher's office. Not far from here. It was unlocked when I last tried it.”
Sunghoon blinked at him. “So?”
Jay smiled. “It has a pillow in it”.
The tall pile of yellow mattresses was comfortable enough, but pillows were a problem.
Their jackets were the wrong shape to be used as pillows, and they were already using them as blankets. Their P.E bags had weird sharp edges from the sneakers inside. And their books… well, they weren't very comfortable at all.
Sunghoon giggled, the first time Jay had heard him do so. It made a few of his pointy side teeth show. Again, Jay's sleepy brain was picking up random things, it seemed.
“Really? You up for it?” asked Sunghoon, a mischievous edge to his voice despite the tiredness.
Jay wasn't, not really… But Sunghoon looked excited. More awake than he'd ever seen him. A little adrenaline would do that, Jay knew. Maybe I could use a little adrenaline, too. “All right”, he said. He caught himself reflecting Sunghoon's pointy-toothed grin. “Let's give it a shot.”
The walk through the near-empty hallway felt tense. Jay felt like a thief. Kind of like when he had first slept on the mattress, with Sunghoon's perfume still lingering. It had only been a few weeks, yet it felt like months ago.
It was strange walking next to Sunghoon, too. Jay realized he really only ever saw the other boy while they lay together in the equipment room.
Sunghoon's legs were really long, his body elongated and lithe. No wonder he had become an ice skater. Or is his body like this BECAUSE he's an ice skater?
Jay scolded himself for the random brain wanderings again.
The teacher's room was open. Jay's heart seemed to be breakdancing to some metal song.
Sometimes, when you're really, really tired, you do crazy things you normally wouldn't. You lose your mind a little bit.
At least, that was one way to explain why Sunghoon's eyes shone so brightly as he gave Jay the intense look of a partner in crime, then took the big, fluffy, polka-dot pillow from the sofa and hugged it like a child.
Jay tried really hard not to laugh too loudly. “You look like you've just won a Grand Prix.”
“Better. I won a pillow!”
It wasn't funny, it barely counted as a joke, yet in their sleep-deprived state, they ended up laughing for several minutes. The very sight of a giddy Sunghoon hugging the polka-dot pillow was funny to Jay now.
“Wait, how can we even carry it back?” asked Sunghoon, prompting another round of almost-crazed giggling.
In the end, stealing merited more stealing, as Jay found an empty plastic bag among the teacher's things that was large enough to fit a pillow. But it was all worth it when they were safely back among the familiar yellow mattresses, polka-dotted trophy in hand.
Sunghoon lay down on it, face as if he had just entered heaven. “I feel like I'm sleeping on a cloud.”
“What, you're gonna use it? That's not fair! It was my idea!”
The square pillow was hardly large enough for both. Jay swiped it from underneath Sunghoon, earning himself an exaggerated groan. “You're a bully!” protested Sunghoon.
“And you're an entitled little brat!”
But the insults were toothless, Sunghoon's delivered with a sleepy dragged-out voice that Jay had to remind himself wasn't flirty, merely tired - right? And the shine in Sunghoon's eyes was from the nearly-set sun.
They played around like that for a while, suddenly no more than kids at a sleepover.
But as with every good sleepover, there comes a time when you're too tired to play anymore. And that time comes fast when you're already sleep-deprived.
“We should sleep,” said Jay, the words gradually becoming a mantra.
“Sure, but I'm taking the pillow.”
“In your dreams!”
“Exactly! I'll be in my dreams~”
The bickering would've continued. But there was still adrenaline in Jay's veins, still traces of mischievousness. In his frenzied sleep-deprived mind, suddenly anything felt possible.
So Jay lay his head right next to Sunghoon. Their heads were touching so as not to fall off the little pillow.
“Someone's brave today.”
The sudden breath on Jay's neck, closer than ever before, made Jay's toes curl in pleasure. The scent of citrus had never been stronger.
“Sure is. You're the one who grabbed the pillow.” muttered Jay. It was hard to keep his mind off of Sunghoon's presence, so impossibly close. Sunghoon's perfume was fresh and not heavy, yet it was still making Jay dizzy. Or am I just super sleepy?
He was. Yet, that might not have been all.
Jay drifted to sleep, hit with a sudden bout of sleepiness after all that adrenaline.
He was never really sure if he had dreamed up the lips planting a long kiss into his cheek, then grazing his neck, before a hand draped over him, and a soft exhale that meant Sunghoon had probably fallen asleep too. If it had all even happened.
***
Jay dreamt of lemon groves a lot those days. They were nice dreams. They were peaceful, and sleepy, and full of butterfly kisses. Sometimes he'd receive them. Other times, he'd be the one peppering someone tall and pale with them.
Sunghoon was oddly shy at times, for reasons Jay couldn't discern. But for the most part, their sleep sessions passed peacefully, interspersed with bits of drawn-out, whispered conversation.
The same could not be said for the rest of Jay's life. There's only so long you can delay sleep. He fell asleep in classes - something he'd been managing not to do before. His grades started slipping. His peers stopped inviting him to things, knowing he wouldn't come, or talking to him much, knowing they wouldn't get much more than a hazed half-whispered yes or no, although he sometimes caught their concerned looks lingering on him.
“Is it video games?” asked Sunghoon one day. The question, like all of Sunghoon's questions recently, was whispered into Jay's neck, courtesy of the smallness of the polka-dot pillow.
“What?”
“Is that why you don't sleep? You're some kind of hardcore gamer?”
Jay's laughter was dry and bitter. “I wish. I haven't played video games in years.”
“Really?” asked Sunghoon, surprised.
“Have you?”
“Well… no.” admitted Sunghoon. “No time. Practice and all that.” A moment passed. “Are you some kind of athlete, too?”
Again, Jay laughed, less bitterly this time. “Do I look like one to you?”
Sunghoon joined in. “Well, no. But I like you anyway.”
It was said so lightly, Jay nearly passed over it, before realizing… it was almost a confession. His body froze. I don't have time for this, the constant refrain in his brain was chanting. Yet, just this once, he forced it aside. He looked to his side. It was something he usually never did. Since Sunghoon was so, so close, Jay usually lay on his back and focused on the ceiling.
But today was different.
“I like you too,” whispered Jay.
Jay suddenly became very aware how close Sunghoon's lips were, pink and with a defined cupid's bow.
Loud notes of Bolero started blasting from Sunghoon's phone, like they did every day at this time.
“Ugh, I hate it when this happens in movies,” Sunghoon said, something apologetic in his eyes. He got up quickly and rushed around the room to grab all his stuff.
“I hate it even more in real life,” muttered Jay into his chin.
Jay could swear he felt the lightest touch on his lips, like the brush of a feather. But his eyes were already closed, mind fading out of consciousness.
***
“We can't go on like this,” Sunghoon said one day.
An icy hand of fear gripped Jay's stomach. But before his mind could spiral into horrible scenarios of Sunghoon quitting their strange little arrangement, Sunghoon continued. “You have to sleep. And not just here. A proper, full-night's-sleep.”
Jay felt his jaw tighten. “Do you think I skip sleep because I want to?”
“No. Sorry. I just…” Sunghoon sighed.
“I wish I could meet you when you're awake. Like, fully awake.”
The words were like a knife twisting in Jay's chest. He said nothing, and turned away just enough to hide the tears in his eyes.
***
That day felt like a turning point. It shifted Jay's exhausted mind into a direction that felt more… grounded. Realistic.
I don't really know Sunghoon.
I probably dreamt up a lot of… things. He couldn't quite bring himself to say the word kisses, even in his thoughts.
We barely talk. We mostly just… sleep. We don't know anything about each other.
That would be a problem easily solved for any other highschooler. All they had to do was hang out, go somewhere, have fun. Talk over a coffee.
But neither had time for that. Nor the energy.
So they slept. And they talked. And occasionally, they'd reach out for each other, perhaps consciously, perhaps in their sleep. A hand on the shoulder, on the arm, a hand over the waist, dreams and reality merging together. Jay was getting numb to that uncertainty. What did it matter, really, what was real or not?
And yet, when Jay found the note one day, a simple note that said Sunghoon was going to be away on a training camp, Jay cried. Actually cried.
Sometimes, when you're very very sleepy, your emotions get numb. You feel nothing. Until something happens, a crack in the blankness, and it all comes crashing down.
But as always, there was the light in the darkness. The silver lining. The phone number at the end of the newly tear-stained note.
I have his number. They shared a bed every day, yet that sequence of digits somehow held an intimacy, too. It felt like a kiss.
***
Sometimes, when you're very, very tired, you don't even have the strength to lie.
“Did you miss me?” asked Sunghoon, after the long, long week of his absence.
“Yeah. It sucked.” said Jay.
Sunghoon seemed startled at the vulnerability, the honesty, and the lack of the usual cheeky response. He hugged Jay from the side, the sudden warmth bringing long-departed colour back into Jay's sullen cheeks.
“I'm sorry.” Sunghoon whispered. “Did you manage to sleep some more?”
Jay sighed. “No such luck.”
***
He shouldn't go to Sunghoon's ice skating competition. He really, really shouldn't.
The poster on the notice board stared right back at Jay. You should go, it seemed to say. You'll get to know him a bit better. And see him skate!
He'll kill me, protested Jay, frowning at the poster. He'd never approve of me spending my time like that instead of - you know - catching up on sleep and making sure I don't pass out on the street one day and get hit by a car.
But he might be in this purple costume! the poster insisted.
That's a terrible argument, retorted Jay, the random part of his brain noticing how wide that costume made Sunghoon's shoulders look, the slope of his waist, and the elegant grace of his long legs.
***
Getting out of the evening shift was a formidable mission. Jay had had to fake an illness AND a death in the family AND promise to still come to the second half of the shift.
That gave him four hours. If the tournament runs late, I'm punching someone in the face. He wasn't joking, although he suspected that, in his weak current state, he might just pass out from the effort.
The other formidable mission was staying out of Sunghoon's sight.
Jay had thought the crowd would be enough to hide him. That was before a girl with a giant “I ♡ Sunghoon!” placard sat next to him. He cursed into his chin and searched for another place.
Jay had never really considered Sunghoon might have fans. He didn't really know how successful his friend (if he could even call him that) was, either. I really know nothing about him, he thought, stomach sinking.
He finally settled on an empty seat in the last row.
“Who are you rooting for?” asked the man next to him.
Jay internally groaned at the mere idea of making small talk. It's not like he hated people - or small talk, either - but he was just so tired.
“I don't know. Sunghoon, probably.” Then, feeling a strange urge to promote his friend, “He's good.” he added.
The man next to him laughed. “Good? Hah, that hardly does him justice. He's a strong candidate for winning this thing.”
Why did Sunghoon never tell me how good he was? wondered Jay, somehow a little hurt. You'd think his bratty ass would be yapping about it daily. Why didn't he? It's not like it's a secret. In fact, I might be the only person who didn't know.
The first few contestants filed out into the rink. As a higher-rank skater, Sunghoon was set to perform among the last four. That made Jay curse yet again. He was painfully aware he could've slept, or been at work, for a solid forty minutes before it was Sunghoon's turn.
Was that the point of hiding his success from me? Did he want a friend who didn't know who he was? So he wouldn't be treated differently? It was plausible, but it felt too Hannah Montana to be the real reason. Jay squinted at the ice, suddenly aware of how heavy his eyelids were. He felt sorry to the other contestants, but he couldn't help thinking he was in for a very long fourty minutes.
But it was all worth it when his half-sleep was interrupted by a familiar name yelled through the speakers and a flutter of purple fabric.
Sunghoon was amazing. Despite still being in high school, there was nothing amateur about his moves, his jumps, his flips. There was one shaky touchdown, with an ice skate tearing over the ice like Jay's voice after his school nap. Yet the points accumulated were more than enough to make up for that mistake.
The three minutes of the performance were up, and that was just about all Jay could take before rushing out.
He passed out on the bus ride to his work the second his butt touched the seat.
***
“I heard a rumor that someone is the next ice skating star of the nation. And that they won a tournament this weekend.” Jay hoped he didn't sound bitter, or petty. He should have told me!
Part of Jay was afraid Sunghoon had seen him at the competition. Another was hoping that he did.
“That's news to you? Skating's the one thing you know about me.” Sunghoon's tone was light, but the words somehow stung. Jay winced, thankful they were both gazing up at the ceiling, although their cheeks were centimeters apart.
Guess I DID dream up all those touches and… things.
“I didn't know you were that good.” muttered Jay, sounding embarrassingly childish even to himself.
Sunghoon laughed lightly. “What, you thought I was bad??”
Both laughed, the cloud over Jay's head somewhat clearing up.
“Well, I know one other thing about you. You sure like the smell of citrus.”
It took Sunghoon a second to process this. Sometimes, when you're very, very sleepy, even simple statements begin to sound like riddles. “Oh. My perfume. It's, um, it's called Bal d’ Afrique. I'm nearly out, though. You won't have to put up with it for much longer.”
That last part had the same effect on Jay as if he'd been told all chocolate in the world had been destroyed.
He said nothing. He dreamt of a big, horrific fire in the lemon groves.
***
After the tournament, Sunghoon's poster was gone from the notice board. But it was far from gone from Jay's mind.
In his sleepy haze, it had morphed into a voice in his head, a little devil on his shoulder. A devil in a tight purple costume.
You should buy him that perfume, it said. And winked.
And you should shut up, Jay told himself, wondering if he was going crazy, or was just, as always, sleep-deprived.
They say people do stupid things when they're in love. Jay thought the love part wasn't necessary. He was perfectly capable of making his own stupid decisions, thank you very much.
And it was nothing short of idiotic to spend money - money he could absolutely not spare right now - to buy Sunghoon anything. And perfumes ain't cheap.
Yet, there he was, two days later, inside a perfume store. A few very crumpled banknotes wiggled anxiously in his wallet.
“Byredo's Bal d’ Afrique? I'm sorry, we don't carry high-end niche scents.” Jay blinked at her. He had thought that store was already high-end.
There was no way in hell he could have enough money at all. Not even if he sold some of his possessions.
Well, that takes care of that, Jay tried to cheer himself up. At least I won't be going hungry. Maybe it's a good thing that I can't afford it.
But the purple devil on his shoulder cried and cried. Jay didn't. Or maybe he did. Or maybe he dreamt it. At this point, he neither knew nor cared.
***
“I solved the mystery,” Sunghoon said. His sleepy voice made the last word sound like “meeeestery”. Jay caught himself smiling sheepishly. “There was a mystery?”
Sunghoon laughed. His head was tilted to the side. Jay could just make out the glint of his teeth.
“Yeah. About why nothing in here moves or disappears when we're away. It's like no one ever comes in here.”
Jay's mouth got stuck half-opened for a second. He'd never thought about it, but Sunghoon was right. They'd been using the polka dot pillow for weeks, and no one had taken it away. Sure, Jay would put it back into the plastic bag and hide it behind a rack of old basketballs after his daily school nap, but still. And the yellow mattress Jay had slipped down during that fateful day when him and Sunghoon had first slept next to each other… it was still on the floor. In the exact same spot. Not once had Sunghoon used it. He always shared the tall matress stack with Jay. It felt oddly good to remember that.
“So? What the deal with this room, then?” Jay asked.
“All this stuff's old. There's another equipment room on the other side on the gym, and that's the one they use. I guess this is just backup. Or a place to dump old things they don't know what to do with.”
“Me included.” Jay added.
“Erm, we're still in high school?”
“I know. I just… feel old.”
“You're just tired.”
“... Yeah. I could sleep for a week straight.” Jay wasn't even joking.
“Ditto.”
***
Jay knew it couldn't last. His arrangement with Sunghoon in that old equipment storeroom was finite, the clock already ticking.
Someone would need that space, or at least lock it up. Maybe the school would even renovate it.
That didn't stop Jay from feeling like the little old storeroom had become their own. Like it was home.
“You've gotta be kidding me.” Sunghoon said, staring at the tiny succulent in an equally tiny flowerpot in his hand.
“What?” asked Jay, somewhat defensively. I've been getting defensive a lot. He kicked that realization away. “We could keep it here on the windowsill.”
“Someone could take it.”
“You said it yourself, no one but us comes in here.”
“I said it's like no one comes in here. I don't know if it's actually true.”
Jay sighed, yet again too tired to argue.
But after Sunghoon was gone, he left the succulent there, soaking up the very last atoms of daylight.
***
As time went by, the succulent was no longer the lone footprint left by the two boys.
They started using the trashcan in the corner. Sunghoon always had protein bars on him, and the wrappers had to go somewhere. He made Jay try one. Jay thought they had the nastiest texture he had ever had the misfortune to sink his teeth into. Sunghoon thought that was hilarious.
On a day when it was weirdly hard to sleep, despite feeling as exhausted as Earth's natural resources, Jay carved his initials into the off-white window frame, right next to the succulent. With a quirk of his lips, Sunghoon added his own. Between them, he put a +.
“What, I'm your playground crush now?” asked Jay in what he had hoped was a joking, nonchalant voice. It cracked twice. Fcking vocal fry.
“I think we're way past the playground.” There was a strange seriousness in Sunghoon's voice. But Jay had neither the time nor the energy to think about it right now.
“Come, let's just sleep.”
***
“There's another mystery I wanna solve.”
“Huh…”
“You.”
Jay blinked. “What?”
“Why can't you sleep?’
It was neither the first nor the second time Sunghoon had asked. Truth be told, it was getting annoying. He stayed silent.
“Narcolepsy?” Sunghoon asked quietly.
“Nope. Let's… not talk about this. I just wanna sleep.”
***
Government-mandated holidays were mankind's greatest achievement. Or at least, it felt like that to Jay.
Maybe I could ask Sunghoon to hang out somewhere? Or to come over?
But were they close enough for that?
Spending weeks and months floating in the heavy haze between reality and dreams, Jay genuinely had no idea what his relationship to Sunghoon was. It could be anything from an acquaintance to a close friend or a lover. Jay had no clue. He wondered if Sunghoon did - or if he was, like Jay, too exhausted to even attempt to figure that out.
The holidays finally came. Two full days.
Jay slept through both.
So much for meeting up with Sunghoon.
“What did ya do on the days off?” Jay asked. God, he missed that citrus scent.
“Practice.”
***
Finally, Sunghoon's bottle of Bal d’ Afrique seemed to be totally spent.
“I hate it.” Jay said, followed by instantly scolding himself. Sometimes when you're very, very tired, you get impulsive. It's harder to filter what comes out of your mouth.
Sunghoon seemed taken aback. “But it's still citrus! Dolca & Gabanna's Light Blue”.
Jay's fingers nervously scratched the fabric of his pants. Did he… choose a citrus scent just for me?
Sounds like it! said the giddy purple-clad devil in Jay's mind.
Probably not, Jay refuted.
“... Okay, then.” said Sunghoon with a sigh. “What do you think would suit me better?”
“Uhm, something kinda less… window cleaner.”
“Jeez, ouch.”
“... Sorry. We should sleep.”
***