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Kenny had died.
That wasn't new. It hadn’t been new for years . He seemed to gain a bit more luck as they got older, but the issue never seemed to fully sort itself out. Usually, it didn’t seem to bother him too much. Usually, the death would suck, and the next day would be just like any other. Usually, it wasn’t much of a thing.
But when he’d died the night before, had only gotten to spend a few hours getting used to yet another new body, and his friends were blowing up the group chat with jokes about death and dying, it got to him a little bit. Kenny had typed something out, something like you wouldn’t know how that feels , and had sent it. And he’d deleted it. And nobody saw it, and they all moved on, and it was painfully the same thing he’d been used to all of his life. Or lives.
Until Eric texted him separately. everyone else sucks, it read. mcdonalds? And who was Kenny to say no?
Eric was already sitting at one of the booths when Kenny arrived. He’d already ordered. He knew Kenny’s order by now — both of them always got the same thing, and McDonalds was one of their usuals. McDonalds or Taco Bell or Panera. Eric had a handful of fries in his mouth, and greeted Kenny by gesturing to the chicken nugget Happy Meal that sat across the table.
Neither one of them really needed words at first. Kenny gave him an easy grin and sat down. They ate half of their meal in silence.
“Kenny…” When Eric finally spoke, his voice was quiet, hesitant. Like he was worried that he was going to say the wrong thing, whatever that thing was. It caught Kenny’s attention quick. “Are you— good ?”
Kenny blinked. Was he good? It was a question he didn’t like to think about, an answer too long to get into over a six piece nugget and fries. “Yeah,” he said, with a lopsided smile. “Y’know, I mean. As good as one could be.”
Eric wasn’t sure whether to push or to leave it. If he left it, Kenny would carry on like he always did. If he left it, Kenny would be ‘good’ and would always be ‘good’ and Eric would continue to see through it but not be able to do anything. But if he pushed, it ran the risk of upsetting or angering Kenny, and Eric was scared to do either one of those things. A lot of things scared him, really. Especially relating to Kenny.
He needed to learn to take a leap of faith, or nothing would ever change. “…Really, Kenny?” he pressed. “ Really ?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Kenny admitted. “I’m good right now. I won’t be forever, but nobody is.”
“I believe you, Kenny,” Eric said. “You’re different. And it probably sucks fat fucking balls and it sucks even fatter balls that nobody else sees it.”
Kenny didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. His lip wavered, settling on a ghost of a smile. “…Thanks. That, uh— It means a lot.”
It was like the McDonalds knew they were having a conversation too intimate for background chatter. It was quiet enough that they could hear the buzzing from the yellowed ceiling lights. It made Kenny want to cover his ears, made Eric want to scream. Eric blinked a few times, and then nodded towards the Happy Meal box. “If you don’t open your toy, I’m gonna steal it.”
Kenny reached in and tossed the plastic wrapped toy across the table. “All yours,” he said. “He looks like you, anyway. Gonna call him Cartman Junior.”
Eric rolled his eyes, grumbling under his breath, as he popped the package open. The Hamburglar stared back at him with big stupid eyes and a big stupid smile. He held it up, facing Kenny. “I’m not a fucking ginger,” he said, tossing it back. “I don’t want him.”
And this time Kenny did laugh, and Eric rolled his eyes again at the way the sound made his chest feel. “Okay, okay, I’ll keep hold of Cartman Junior. I’ll treat him so well, dude.”
“Whatever. He needs a friend,” Eric insisted. Before Kenny could comment, Eric was snatching one of his napkins and tugging a pen out of his pocket. Kenny watched quietly, curiously, as he scribbled – and then stifled another laugh when he held the napkin up. “It’s you. Kenny Junior. Whatever.”
Kenny reached across and held Cartman Junior up beside Kenny Junior, his face lit up in a big grin. “Aww, they’re cute,” he cooed. He looked at them for a while, his gaze slowly shifting to Eric’s face. “They’ll be together forever.”
Eric’s first instinct was to call him gay. To call the moment gay. He managed to hold that in, but only because something even gayer slipped out. “Good. Cartman Junior doesn’t wanna lose Kenny Junior.”
Something in Kenny’s expression changed, but Eric couldn’t put a name to it. “Well, it’s a good thing that Kenny Junior wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he returned. “…We’ll put them together on your nightstand. If I took ‘em home, my dad might get to them. They don’t deserve that. They deserve… a happy ending.”
Something in Eric’s expression changed, but Kenny couldn’t put a name to it. “…What do you mean, Kenny? A happy ending?”
“Well… They’ve both been through a lot. Stuff nobody else would really understand. But they understand,” Kenny explained, slowly and softly. “They get it, and they get each other, and sometimes that’s all someone needs. It doesn’t really matter how they end up. Or where, or when. That doesn’t matter, because they got each other and they get it and that’s gotta count for somethin’. And, I think, for them…? I think it counts for a lot.”
Eric swallowed thickly. The lights were buzzing, and they were starting to feel like they shone too brightly. The yellowed light was making his eyes sting, not the feelings that continued to rise inside of him with each one of Kenny’s words. It was starting to feel less like Kenny Junior and Cartman Junior, and more like something a little too close to home, a little too real and serious.
The words came out of him before he wanted to allow them too. “Cartman Junior… is an asshole. And he’s not… good at not being an asshole. But he cares about Kenny Junior. A lot. A fucking stupid amount. ‘Cause Kenny— Kenny Junior is one of the people that Cartman Junior loves.”
“Kenny Junior loves Cartman Junior, too. A fucking stupid amount,” Kenny agreed. He pushed the toy closer, letting it come in contact with the napkin, letting their hands come in contact. Eric’s hands were shaking. “They’re hugging,” he explained. “Kenny Junior’s kinda clingy. It’s annoying.”
Eric let out a breathy laugh. “Cartman Junior doesn’t think it’s annoying,” he retorted. “Cartman Junior acts like it’s annoying, but he doesn’t care. Maybe he kinda likes it.”
Kenny was out of his seat in seconds. Eric didn’t realize what was happening until a flash of blonde was directly in his line of sight, and he was nearly tackled out of the booth seat. His arms instinctively moved to circle around Kenny, the same way Kenny’s were around him. Like their namesakes, Kenny and Eric were hugging. But Eric couldn’t bring himself to roll his eyes or pretend to shove Kenny away like he usually would.
“God fucking damn it, Kenny,” Eric grumbled. Kenny prepared to get shoved away. Instead, he was held closer. “You fucking suck. You don’t know what the hell you do to me.”
“Yeah, uh— no clue?” Kenny responded, peeking up at him. He was surprised to see Eric smiling , not scowling or rolling his eyes or something else. It tugged a smile onto his own lips as well. “D’you wanna share with the class, or just leave me out in the dark all cold and alone?”
“I’d never leave you in the dark all cold and alone, Kenny, fuck off,” Eric insisted. “…You don’t want to know, anyway. It’s fucking stupid as hell.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I think I’d love to know.”
Maybe both of them knew where this was going. Maybe they’d known for a while. Maybe they were both just waiting, hoping the other would initiate the conversation first. Eric groaned, like Kenny had just asked him to complete the most laborious task known to man. Kenny opened his mouth to say something, but Eric spoke quicker.
“You make me fucking gay, Kenny.”
Kenny squirmed out of his arms, but only so he could look Eric in the eyes. “Really?” he asked. He didn’t give any time for an actual response. “So was this McDonalds date like an actual date date, then, or..?”
“I guess so,” Eric said. He froze, eyebrows furrowing. “Wait, what .”
“I mean, we’ve always called them dates , but they were never like— like real dates. Like I always wished they would be, but they weren’t,” Kenny rambled on. He was grinning. “It really wasn’t quite as romantic as I pictured it’d be in my head? But we can make up for that with date two. Taco Bell Baja Freezes? Or just one, two straws, we can share. I’ll bring you a ring pop.”
Eric almost wanted to ask him what he meant. Dates, always wishing they were real dates. The confusion and surprise couldn’t break past the excitement , though, that had him grinning right back. “You’re proposing already?”
A laugh bubbled from Kenny’s chest. “Tomorrow? I get paid. I can so get you a ring pop. Do you do?”
“…I do,” Eric said, silently wishing the heat in his cheeks would go away. “But only if it’s strawberry. Are you being serious, Kenny?”
“Of course it’ll be strawberry, I know that’s your favorite,” Kenny agreed, without a beat of hesitation. “And yeah, I’m serious. I love you. I’ve loved you for, like, ever. I thought I was obvious.”
And maybe it was. And maybe Eric’s love for Kenny was obvious, too. And maybe both of them were just too scared or too stupid or too oblivious or some combination of all three. But it didn’t matter now. And Eric was really feeling what Kenny had been saying earlier. Doesn’t matter how, when or where — still counts for something. He yanked Kenny in by the fuzz of his parka hood, and kissed him like their lives depended on it. He could feel Kenny’s smile against his own. They had each other, and that was all that mattered.