Chapter Text
Q is… confused. But mostly pissed.
“You didn’t know? Ai’Chain and Toey are in talking stage…” Peem’s words echo in Q’s mind over and over again. “You never pay attention to him.”
Bullshit.
Q may not get everything that’s going on around him or is able to see inside everyone’s head. But he for sure does give his attention to Toey a lot. Maybe even more than he should.
He observes him the most, paying him the amount of attention that Q usually only pays towards pieces of art.
Q stands up, confused, and with the urge to find out what the hell is going on, and follows them.
Because what Peem said, doesn’t make sense. And he has to see for himself.
But he can’t even look at them, pressing the shutter button on the phone for what feels a thousand times.
They keep demanding more and more pictures, and even though he doesn’t want to look, his eyes land on what’s happening on the screen.
It was already weird to see Toey leaning his head against Chain’s shoulder. Q got annoyed, yes.
But when his eyes catch the display screen showing Chain sling his other arm around Toey’s neck like that and them smiling…Toey smiling like that…
Q blinks at the screen and his mouth falls the tiniest bit open when a moment of stillness washes over him with a daunting realisation.
They look like they are together….and they look…happy.
Q has enough, hands Chain his phone back, and storms off.
His head is spinning as annoyance becomes replaced with-
fear
“You didn’t know? Ai’Chain and Toey are in talking stage…” Peem’s words echo in Q’s mind even louder now. “You never pay attention to him.”
How could he have missed this?!
A week ago at the bar, he immediately sensed when that guy turned to look at Toey to talk to him, that he was trying to steal him from-
Q halts the train of thought, blinking rapidly and looking back. Far away he can still see the figures of both Chain and Toey who are talking and seemingly looking at the pictures Q took.
He shakes his head and keeps walking.
When Q saw that the guy at the bar talk with Toey, he immediately noticed what is going on. And he interjected. He stopped it before something bad could happen. Something that Q didn’t want to happen. Or rather didn’t want to happen to Toey who was so clueless in that moment.
But this?!
How could he have missed this?
Thoughts from before come rushing back in.
Does the fact that Toey acts nice to everyone and that all of them spoil him, make Q miss the signs? Did Q’s cold behaviour towards Toey, and his frustration with Q as a mentee, make him look for someone else to take care of him?
Did Chain being nice make Toey feel different? Does he like Chain? What is it about him that makes them suddenly be in a talking stage or whatever?
If Q reached out the past couple of days, would Toey have told him? Would this even have happened if Q would have kept in touch with him after the cheek kisses and sleepover?
Did Q make Toey feel uncomfortable?
Did this make Toey stop like him-
Once again Q halts his train of thought. He’s walked far away already and he isn’t really aware or care where he is right now. Q just simply sits down on the grass and runs his hands through his hair.
He tries to backtrack his thoughts and arrives back at what he just asked himself.
If Toey stopped liking him.
The part about what Q having possibly done, being irrelevant now at the realisation that is happening right now.
Even though Q notices so much about Toey and observes him like he would only observe a pice of art, Q never dared to come to a certain conclusion.
That Toey does in fact like him.
Q exhales a shaky breath and rubs his palms from his hair down his face.
It was like a self defense mechanism. That he did not let this thought to become a conclusion in his mind.
Toey is so nice and sweet and clingy to everyone. So Q dismissed it. No matter how endearing he found the junior, he did get reminded all the time that his mentee is like that to everyone. And not only towards Q.
There were moments in which Q’s mind let some thoughts slip through. Moments in which he caught Toey look at him. When Toey became still and gazed at his lips or oh so slightly get closer when they were fighting and smeared with clay.
Q even started to test the waters. He did not interpret it as that in his mind, but he did test it. What seemed like teasing or distracting Toey or pushing his buttons, was actually Q deep down wanting to see if the other also-
He runs his hands back up and through his hair and lets them rest at the back of his neck, hanging his head low.
There are so many things becoming more clear in his mind. About himself. About his behaviour. The things he did to unknowingly see if Toey likes him...
“Fuck” Q murmurs and squeezes his eyes shut.
He has just seen them. And actually…it did not clear anything up about what Peem told him. They could be in a talking stage, and it could also be kinda nothing. They were touchy and Chain did specifically come to drop Toey off so the younger can draw with Peem and Q. And he wanted to take pictures with Toey.
Unless Chain and Toey themselves confirm it, Q won’t believe it. Partially because there is no visible evidence that he just saw…but also because part of Q simply does not want to believe it.
While he’s sitting here and having no clue if whatever Chain and Toey are having going on is even something at all, Q is having realisations of his own.
His mind becomes a hazy mess with all the playbacks of moments he had with Toey. With all the possible hints. With all the signs.
Q can’t think about this anymore now. He feels like his head is about to explode.
He stares at the blank piece of paper on his drawing board and sighs.
There is neither energy nor anything else left within him. He feels like a shell of himself.
Confusion, annoyance, fear, realisation, everything mixing and swirling in his mind since the moment he saw Toey call out for Peem and noticed Chain is there with him too.
It’s just too much and he can’t do this anymore. Not draw or think.
He just needs to go home.
To process.
_____
“See? How was my plan? Simple.” Chain brags as they both look after Q storming off.
Toey is grinning. It worked. Every time him and Hia Chain became more touchy, he saw Q get more and more annoyed.
This has to mean something, right?
There is this giddy feeling of hope that is spreading through Toey and making him grin that much.
The plan the other’s made might actually work. He had his doubts. A lot of them. And most of all he was hesitant about it.
Because he has made his peace already with never doing something about his situation with Q. The fear of losing him again paralysing him so much that he doesn’t even dare to flirt with his mentor.
And of course not telling him about his identity. Because then, everything might come crashing down.
But there were moments when Toey wanted to tell Q. He even was about to tell him a few times.
And one of these moments was actually the night before the other’s found out about all of this mess.
After the card game and the cheek kissed, when they were laying on the floor, Toey thought about it.
When Toey was still awake and noticed Q covering him with the blanket, he didn’t fall asleep immediately.
He started to think, create a scenario in his mind, figure out what he could say, how he should phrase it. He actually considered and was about to open his eyes again and maybe nudge Q awake and ask him if they could talk for a moment.
They would probably go to the kitchen or into the garden or even better up to Peem’s room to be away from the mosquitoes or their friend.
Toey would sit Q down and gather all his courage and talk with him.
Obviously he wouldn’t immediately tell him that it’s him. Nong NomPhan.
That would be stupid, foolish, and risky.
No, he would start with the topic of the cheek kiss. Maybe ask if Q was uncomfortable. Or Toey would maybe tell him that he found it a bit awkward having to do it in front of their friends.
Maybe, just maybe Q would agree. And JUST MAYBE Toey or even Q would ask themselves out loud and each other what it would have been like if the other’s weren’t there. And maybe, just maybe, one of them would start looking at the other’s cheek or lips and inch forward.
They would redo the dare. Just without it being a dare. Without their friends around. They would allow themselves to actually feel what they were doing without the anxiety and pressure.
It would be like all the moments they have shared with just the two of them. Away from the eyes of their friends. When Q would behave differently towards Toey. The moments when Toey always questioned himself if he was dreaming and if what Q is doing, is a sign or not.
They would have this moment, alone, just the two of them, and recreate the cheek kisses.
Maybe they would last longer. Maybe the presses of the lips onto the skin of their cheeks would be deeper. Maybe the touches would linger. Maybe they would look into each other’s eyes when they are moving closer and apart after each kiss. Maybe they would look down at their lips. Maybe they would see the other look down at their lips.
Maybe they would look up into each other’s eyes again and let go of every remaining piece of self control and doubt and fear…and would kiss.
Toey would probably melt and he would probably have to hold himself onto the other. Maybe Q would cradle his face and however he would kiss Toey, he knows he would feel safe.
After what would probably be an eternity of kissing Q, if the older lets him, they would separate and maybe Toey would see a pair of eyes looking at him lovingly without restraint.
If Toey would have this confirmation from the kiss or if Q says something, or just simply from a look…
If Toey has the confirmation that Q likes him back, he would open up.
He would try to phrase it as careful as possible. He would probably ask Q if he remembers what they talked about when they were at P’Oh’s café.
Toey would retell his story of the boy he met that formed the happy memories at that café. He would describe the boy. Tell Q that he saw this boy draw in the corner of the room every day and how Toey was so impressed by his art.
He would make sure to let Q know that he fell in love with art on his own. Just that this boy encouraged him enough to follow what he actually wanted in life and not what his mother forced him to do.
Toey would describe the feelings he developed for a boy whose pencil case he found and started exchanging post its with. He would tell him how he fell in love and found his special someone. And he would tell Q that he never felt angry at P’Dinsor for disappearing. Only that he was so very worried and confused.
He would tell all that to Q and see on his face the moment that Q would realise he’s talking about him. Maybe there would be tears rolling down Q’s cheek and Toey would be the one to wipe them away, to cradle Q’s face as he tells him the story.
Maybe Q would get angry or scared or feel like Toey left him in the dark. Toey would agree and tell him why he was scared. That he was afraid that Q would disappear from his life again.
Toey would continue and tell Q about the boy he met at university and became his mentor. The boy that he fell in love and would have fallen in love with even if he didn’t fall in love with him years ago.
He would try to make sure Q understood everything he’s saying.
And he would hope that Q would be at least a little bit happy to see his Nong NomPhan here in front of him. That he would dismiss the urge to start an argument and scold Toey that he shouldn’t even be here. That Toey should be studying medicine in Australia and not be here. Toey would hope Q would be happy instead, seeing him and being reunited.
Maybe they would hug and kiss again. Maybe Q would open up and tell Toey how he feels about HIM. Confessing to Toey.
Toey remembers what Q said at the café. About his regret. That he didn’t express how important Nong NomPhan was to him. That he was Q’s special someone. His special love.
Maybe Q would tell Toey how much he likes him. If he fell in love with his mentee or not. When he started to like him. Toey would probably cry when Q tells him how much Q cares for him and that he actually likes his mentee.
Q would maybe start wiping Toey’s tears away or kiss them from his cheeks and lips and they would kiss and Toey would feel safe and his fear of losing him would finally dissipate. Because he would be in his arms and Q would know everything and he would have already told Toey how much he likes him and Toey would know it’s mutual. He would feel that it’s mutual.
And they would most likely fall asleep in each other’s arms on Peem’s bed, exhausted but happy.
That’s what Toey was thinking would happen if he would have woken Q up in that moment when they were lying on the floor of Peem’s place.
But when Toey was visualising all this happening to have a plan what he should do after he wakes Q up to ask him to have a talk. A talk about the cheek kiss they had before that and so on…
Toey fell asleep. In that moment when he actually had the courage to let Q know and risk it all after he felt Q cover him with the blanket, he fell asleep.
And the daydream of what could happen in that scenario, morphed into something else.
His mind falling back into fear of what could happen and go wrong. The overwhelming fear of losing Q again, changing this daydream into a nightmare as he fell asleep.
Hours later, his friends found out about his relationship to Q, their past, and made this plan.
The plan that might actually be working.
So yeah, there were moments where Toey wanted to tell Q and was actually about to tell him. But Toey was scared.
And when they made this plan and met up the following days to ‘workshop’, Toey made one thing clear.
He does not want to lie to Q.
The other’s were arguing first that they should create a fake scenario or else their plan wouldn’t even work.
But Toey did not budge. And finally they realised what he meant.
So that’s why they adjusted the plan. Chain, just like they planned, should flirt with Toey.
However that doesn’t mean that Toey should flirt with Chain. Tan came up with the idea of having them be in a ‘talking stage’. But Toey should never be the one to say or claim they are in that stage or even flirting.
It has to be outside observation. To make Q question things. But the only one who can say something more definitive is Chain. He is the one taking the risk and the one who will outright lie to Q.
Toey would just play along and go with the flow like he would always do with the guys.
Only when everyone understood and agreed to this, did Toey feel relieved and comfortable enough to get through with this plan.
Whatever Toey would play along with and act out, can make Q finally admit his hopefully existing feelings for Toey. But none of what Toey would do, would be lying.
If Q thinks they are dating, that’s on him.
But ideally Toey would want Q to outright ask him. Because then Toey can be honest. And for that, they have to first get Q annoyed enough, and then they have to be alone.
However part of this plan that the guys insisted on, was that Toey has to keep a distance from Q starting after the sleep over. No contact.
To make Chain hitting on Toey believable, and also to maybe make Q miss Toey.
At least Toey would hope Q would start missing him.
“Toey?”
“Huh?” Toey looks at Chain who is waving his hand in front of his face.
“Why do I feel like if I would ask you what you’ve been daydreaming about, the answer would be Ai’Q.”
The second Toey gives a sheepish smile and rubs the back of his neck, Chain rolls his eyes and starts walking.
“Come on, let’s go back to Ai’Peem and then we’re done here.”
Toey catches up with Chain and they walk along the water.
“Au! Do you have something else planned today Hia Chain?”
“Yeah, Pun and I are having our monthly cinema night today.”
Toey perks up and gives Chain a curious look.
“Are Hia Chain and Hia Pun having a date?”
Chain stops walking and turns to Toey confused.
“Huh? No. I just told you, only me and Pun are going to the cinema. Have been keeping up this tradition for three years maybe. Chicks not allowed. That’s what the other days of the month are for.” he laughs.
Toey simply raises an eyebrow with a smirk, but decides not to do any follow up questions. Instead, he remembers something.
“Hia Chain!” he points at him. “Don’t forget that you are NOT ALLOWED to date or flirt with anyone for the duration of the plan!”
“Yeah yeah I know,” Chain says annoyed “All of you have been reminding me non stop. Especially Pun. I get a reminder text like every three hours or so.”
Toey smirks and is about to comment something like ‘interesting, interesting’ but then he lets his eyes wander to where they are going and sees them.
Hia Peem and Hia Phum.
Toey grabs Chain’s arm and pulls him around.
Chain, completely confused and short circuiting, looks around and at Toey and then pulls him into a hug.
“Is Ai’Q looking?”
“Uhmm” Toey stammers and glances over Chain’s shoulder. Peem and Phum are kissing.
“Uhm well,” Toey awkwardly pulls back from the hug and puts his arm over Chain’s shoulder, guiding him away from the others.
“Thought Toey saw him but no, he’s probably gone. Good instinct though Hia Chain. Oho really clever! To pull Toey into a hug. You’re really a quick thinker Hia Chain!”
Toey quickly glances back to Peem and Phum, making sure to get Chain out of viewing range and not disturb their moment.
“Why the hell are we walking back?” Chain asks, turning back to look, but Toey pulls him back along.
“It’s too hot to draw over there, Toey wants to draw somewhere else.”
“And what about Peem?”
Toey pats Chain’s shoulder and nods. “Yes yes, Toey will text him in a bit and let him know. Hia Chain, please help Toey find a good spot to draw, na? And then you can go and meet with Hia Pun. Toey will let Hia Peem know that we are successful, okay?”
He lets out a tiny sigh of relief when Chain complies and lets himself be led far away from his friend’s little ‘moment’ with Phum.
_____
It has been a couple of days and Q can confidently say he’s going insane.
“Urghhhh” he plops back on the bed, making his head hang down the edge upside down, his longer hair cascading down.
The upside down image of his sister’s face comes into view.
“You still moping around, huh?”
Q just pouts and nods.
Idea sighs and sits down next to him on his bed. “Did he text you back?”
Q shakes his head and then sits back up, making the blood rush back from his head into his body.
Idea sees her brother’s tired and discouraged expression and instinctively pats his head.
He immediately leans into the touch and lets her comfort him.
“Toey is always the one who texts me and whines if I don’t text him back immediately. He always demands or begs for my attention. And now that I’m the one reaching out…he doesn’t reply.” Q glances at his sister.
“But he’s the one who’s the desperate one, you know? He would be the one who’d immediately text back if I text him, you know? And now? Nothing!”
Idea nods as she listens to her younger brother, running her fingers through his hair soothingly.
“Does that mean he’s ignoring me because he has Chain now?” Q looks at her and she can see his desperation in needing to find an answer.
She gives him a half smile and looks at his hair. “Come on, I’ll braid you hair, ok?”
Q nods and turns to sit with his back to his sister and leans his head back a bit.
“Peem said they were going on dates, right?” She gathers the first few strands, combing them back with her fingers and starting to braid his hair close to his scalp.
“He said they are in talking stage…” Q mumbles.
“Ok so then you still have a chance, right?” she offers with a more cheerful tone.
“A chance for what?”
She uses her grip on his hair to turn his face around to look him dead in the eye.
“To date Nong Toey, you idiot.”
Q’s eyes immediately move away to the side. “Why would I want to date him?”
He can hear his sister let out a deep and annoyed sigh.
“So you’re telling me you want to so very desperately find out if Toey likes you or not just for…what? To know that yet another junior of you has fallen for you?”
“No- I- uhm- it just doesn’t make any sense, ok? Nong Toey seemed to…there were just so many moments that could mean that he likes me, you know? And then he suddenly stops and is in a talking stage with Shane? I’m afraid that…“
His sister keeps braiding and waiting for Q to find his words again.
“I’m afraid that I did something wrong. I know I treated him like shit sometimes and I scolded him so fucking much. You would be the one scolding me if you knew how much I scolded him. And then there’s the cheek kiss situation. And even before that there was this one moment when we were at the workshop and we were having a clay fight and-“
“Yeah, I remember you told me about this.” she softly interjects to make her brother not spiral into getting into detail with that story again, but able to get back to his point.
“Well, yeah anyways, there were all these moments in which we were so fucking close and he didn’t seem like he hated it. I know I’m bad at interpreting other people, but I think he-“
He takes a deeper breath, noticing he’s rambling.
“Toey seemed to maybe…want to-“
Idea notices he isn’t even able to articulate it with how unsure he is about what his mentee might feel towards him. So he takes over the talking.
“Let’s assume your beloved Toey is having a crush on you. Based on your track record of people from your faculty getting weirdly obsessed with your ass, no wonder your literal mentee would form a crush on you. No matter how shitty you think you treated him.”
Q stays quiet, Idea taking this as a good sign that he might be able to follow or agree.
“Yes, you might have pushed him away too much and he now thinks he for sure doesn’t have a chance with you. And if someone else is treating him nice, yes he might want to date someone and move on, you know?”
“You’re not making me feel better.” Q grumbles.
“Shut up and just listen.” She gives his braid and head a gentle playful shake.
“What I mean is, yes he might be looking for someone or something else now. But this doesn’t mean he moved on, right? If we assume that he likes you and is now dating someone else-“
“Talking stage” Q interrupts.
“Yeah yeah, talking stage or whatever. If he likes you but is just now hanging out with someone else, he will not have moved on yet.”
“But I don’t know how long they have been talking to each other. They might have been for a while, I don’t fucking know” Q whines.
“Q, listen to me. They are in a literal talking stage, they are not dating, they are not in a relationship, they are not married. That last part being legally impossible right now. What I mean is that they are just talking to each other. So just go and get your boy! If you are worried about him or just simply want to have the privilege to be the only guy in his life, even if it’s just you being his mentor, just go get him. Like for real, what’s the problem?”
“It’s their stupid bro code.”
Both Q and Idea look up and see Fai standing in the doorway with bags of food.
She walks over to them, ignoring Q in favour of greeting her girlfriend.
“Hi babe.” Fai leans down and gives Idea a peck that Q can hear but thankfully not see.
“Pretty braids” she comments and gives Q a slight slap on his head.
“Au! What was that for?” He whines as Idea wraps a hair tie to the end of his braid and released him again.
“For you and your stupid rules standing in your own way of becoming happy, Ai’Q.”
Fai sets down the bags and hands them the snacks she just bought on her way here.
“Thanks honey” Idea says with a smile and receives another peck on the lips.
Fai drops Q’s snacks in his lap. “You owe me 82 Baht.”
“This is favouritism.” Q argues but immediately opening the packets to eat.
“Well, you’re not the one I’m sleeping with, so I expect you to pay for my snack deliveries.”
“Ew stop no!” Q squeezes his eyes shut instead of his ears, needing that mental image to be gone. “Ok ok I’ll send you money later.”
Fai sits down with a satisfied smile.
“So what was that about a bro code?” Idea says as she puts some sheets of seaweed snacks on her tongue.
Q is about to speak but Fai cuts him to it.
“As far as I have seen and understood, neither Ai’Q nor Chain flirt or get into a relationship with someone the other flirts, dates, flirted, or dated with.”
“So if Nong Toey is actually going to date Chain, Q doesn’t have any chance anymore and lost him. Like forever?”
“Yeah. And I think that’s why Q is so paralysed and scared that if Toey and Chain are in a talking stage, this could mean that this might be serious. And once it’s serious and Chain has called dibs or whatever, Q cannot ask his crush out and fulfill the mentee mentor falling in love trope.”
“That’s sad…”
“Hey, can I even say something or you want to keep bashing me all day, huh?”
Idea and Fai look at Q for a moment and then keep talking.
Q sighs and lets his upper body plop back down onto the mattress. His head once again hanging upside down over the edge, but this time his hair doesn’t fall down thanks to the braid.
What both Idea and Fai have been saying…is true. Partially.
If whatever is going on with Chain and Toey is a thing and it does move into something that is something. Even a flirting stage. Then it’s over for him.
Q feels an overwhelming sense of urgency but he’s till hesitant to identify the source as him being the one who likes-
He shakes his head again at the mess of thoughts and wants to shout his frustration out. But his sister and Fai are here and he doesn’t want them to experience him lashing out.
So he closes his eyes and breathes. A steady in and out. He puts his hands on his chest and stomach, felling them rise and fall with the breath. Q focuses on how his breath moves at the very edge of his nostrils and focuses on no other part his breath moves through.
In the stillness on his mind, the image of Toey appears. The beautiful image he took in and drew at the café a week ago. As he looks at the mental imagery of Toey, taking his facial features in again without haste, he starts to faintly smile.
It’s such a weird and honestly overwhelming feeling that Q gets when he sees Toey smile and shine and emit the warm light that he carries around with him everywhere he goes. Q wants to smile, every time. But he rarely allows himself to.
And now as he sees Toey’s face in his mind’s eye he smiles. But the feeling that he gets grows sad and bitter and if Q wouldn’t be here in the room with the others, he might let this feeling take over that almost makes his chin wrinkle and eyes water.
What if, he thinks. What if it goes beyond the normal amount of possessiveness that he as a mentor should have.
He thinks back to the night after the card game and the cheek kisses. Then he also thought of what if their friends weren’t around then. What Toey’s cheek would feel like under his lips if no one was watching.
And most importantly what it would make Q feel like. And if it would bring the clarity that he is currently lacking.
But seeing Toey with Chain at the park and Chain holding him like that…it created more confusion and anger than clarity.
One thing however is clear even through that.
Q doesn’t like it.
He doesn’t like seeing Toey with Chain, or anyone else for that matter.
He doesn’t like being ignored by Toey even though Toey would a hundred percent text him back immediately and follow Q around like a puppy and complimenting him out of nowhere and just looking at Q like that. As if Q himself is the sole reason for his love of art.
He doesn’t like being left in the dark. To find out like that about Toey and Chain being in a talking stage already an no one telling him.
He doesn’t like not being able to get an answer out of Toey.
Suddenly his phone pings. He immediately sits up and digs for it in his pocket.
He always has his phone on vibrate or silent, but he kept looking at his phone so many times yesterday and today that he just gave up and unmuted his phone.
Both Idea and Fai flinch at Q’s sudden movement after the notification sound.
Q unlocks it and-
It’s a message from Pun. Inviting him to go the amusement park this week.
Q plops back down on the bed.
“I guess he didn’t text back?” his sister carefully asks and Q just lets out a frustrated groan.
_____
Toey stares at his phone and the notification that he still hasn’t swiped away nor opened.
It’s the messages he got from Q over the past few days.
One was asking him if he got any assignments or homework to do during their break.
Three hours later Q added that he could have a look at his assignment if Toey feels stuck or has a question.
This morning he got a message of Q casually mentioning that P’Oh has texted him. Q suggested that maybe they could go visit him again at the café.
About an hour ago Q texted him again.
“Let me know when you have time. I bet P’Oh misses you more than me.”
Toey obviously understood that Q meant that P’Oh misses Toey more than he misses Q.
But Toey has been looking at the message notification like a sad puppy for the past hour.
And despite the message not being intentionally written that way, Toey keeps thinking about how much he misses Q and that Q might also miss him. And maybe that Q misses Toey more than P’Oh misses him.
While the others bombard their groupchat with the big plan for tomorrow, Toey keeps looking at the unopened notifications for the rest of the day.
He reminds himself that it’s all for him. All this pain and waiting and pretending is for them.
But when it’s already 9 pm, Toey cannot do it anymore. He can’t leave Q without any response at all.
Peem himself said he shouldn’t act too differently so that Q won’t suspect something is wrong. Obviously something is wrong, but Q can’t think that something is fishy.
It would only make sense that Toey would still respond to Q but not be his overly eager self.
So he taps on the notification of the last message and watches their chat open up.
Never in the year that they have known each other through university, has Q sent him this many messages. It’s not even that much, but it has always been Toey who texted first and asked for something or just reached out to talk.
He never got a first message from Q or him returning a question or keeping their conversation going.
But now Toey sees the number of messages and his heart hurts.
He allows himself just to look for a while at the messages that he has previously stared at in their form of notifications.
Toey turns around with his phone and makes his head more comfortable on the pillow and pulls up the blanket over his shoulder to warm him up from the cold AC.
He starts typing and deletes it a few times until he comes up with the final draft.
“Sorry Phi Q, Toey is a bit busy these days. A lot is going on. Maybe Toey can go visit P’Oh once the semester starts again. For sure he misses Toey more than Phi Q, 5555. And no there are no assignments open. Toey made sure to submit everything in time!”
He presses send before he can overthink it too much, and puts his phone down.
There is a sense of relief washing over him. For two days now he has held himself back from answering Q’s texts and it drove him mad.
Now that he finally answered him, the stress and guilt finally tones down and he finally starts feeling sleepy.
With almost closed eyes, he notices his screen light up less than a minute later.
He quickly unlocks it, making Q’s chat appear agin.
It’s a new message.
“Good”
Another one pops up.
“I was worried”
Toey’s heart painfully tugs in his chest and he immediately shakes his head, murmuring that Q please shouldn’t be worried about him.
It’s so frustrating and honestly Toey feels like-
Another message appears.
“that you would fail an assignment bc you forgot to submit something again”
Toey groans, locks the phone and joinks it somewhere away from him, leaving Q on read.
_____
“They are adorable together, aren’t they?”
Q wants to bite Matt’s head off. And thankfully the younger walks off before he can do so.
He already couldn’t keep looking at Toey and Chain being as touchy or even more so than at the park. But now this asshole Matt puts a fucking pair of sunglasses on him.
Q doesn’t want to look but there they are, putting these headbands on each other’s head and smiling and giggling and-
Toey looks so cute with these cat ears on AND MATT KEEPS ANNOYING HIM THE WHOLE TIME.
Q get mad and it’s not getting better later on.
Toey keeps dragging them to rides and grabs Matt’s hand and runs off and Q follows them.
The younger is screaming at the top of his lungs. Out of fun and not fear.
Q is tough and he can handle a lot, but these rides are very close to reaching his limits. But he keeps going and following Toey. Maybe he can at least talk to him or see up close what’s happening but Ai’Chain keeps getting in the fucking way.
And Toey looks so clueless, just offering Q to sit over there.
Q has enough and walks off, but not without another look at them.
He’s still not completely sure what their deal is. But he needs to find out. When they are not together.
Q walk off to the nearest booth with drinks.
A mother with his children is in the line before them and Q doesn’t really pay attention to anything around him, just thinking about Chain and Toey, until the girl orders a drink.
A milk frappe.
The words zap him out his thoughts about the two of them in such a violent way that he only comes back to his senses when the seller at the booth calls out for him. The family is already gone and Q must have been standing there, not hearing or seeing anything for a moment.
He orders a bottle of water and that’s it.
When he joins his friends again, he wishes he wouldn’t have joined him at all today.
Q keeps a watchful eye at first, looking at them from afar from the back of his plastic horse. But it becomes unbearable.
Chain reaching out to hold Toey’s hand.
But there is something that was weird about it.
It was initiated by Chain. And Toey seemed to be confused for a second but went along with it. As if he isn’t aware but just goes along with whatever advances Chain is making.
While the other’s are riding the monster of a rollercoaster, Q has run off to the restroom to take a piss. He hears Tan and Fang come in right after them.
“Come on, the others are waiting. Nong Toey wants us all to ride together.” Fang tells Tan through the stall door.
“Yeah yeah, don’t worry, it won’t take long na ja!”
Q rolls his eyes and zips his pants back up. While he washes his hands, he hears Tan’s loud voice boom through the stall door, asking Fang something.
“Ai’Chain and Toey are cute, right?”
Q listens in as he uses the soap a second time.
“Are the two of them dating?”
Q awaits Tan’s answer.
“Who knows, who knows! But they are cute together. Right?”
“Well I guess. It’s nice to see someone treat Toey right and join him in whatever he wants to do. But I didn’t really expect this combo to happen to be honest.”
Fang steps up to the sink right next to Q and fixes his hair in the mirror.
Q makes eye contact with him through the reflection of the mirror and he just has to ask him.
“You know Toey for a while, right?”
Fang nods with a small smile. “Yeah me and Phum basically adopted him back in high school.”
Q nods and thinks of how to phrase his next question.
He thinks of asking if Fang thinks that Toey might like Chain. Or what Toey’s type is.
Instead he asks something else.
“Has Toey ever been in a relationship?”
Fang glances away as he considers the question and actually thinks about it. Q is already hopeful because Fang not only seems to know a lot about Toey, but the guy seems to put a lot of effort into his thoughts and what he’s saying.
“Well, not really. At least I don’t think so. We haven’t been in touch for the past two years. But there was a time though about when me and my brother graduated. And I think Toey got his heart broken back then. But he never told us anything. We just noticed that he was sad as if he was going through a heartbreak. No clue though if he was in a relationship though. The poor boy barely had time with how much his mother made him study to become a doctor.”
Q nods and gives Fang a brief thankful smile.
Even though it’s a long answer, it’s not exactly what Q was looking or hoping for.
So this might be Toey’s first relationship then. Or beginning of one at least.
And this means that Toey might not even know the lines between what is just being friendly and what’s advances made by someone else.
Tan walks out the stall and makes his way out the restrooms to join his friends but he gets dragged back by Fang to wash his hands before they leave.
Q stays in the restroom for a bit, just looking at the mirror and thinking back at that day he brought Toey to the café.
He feels sad after hearing that Toey must have gotten through a heartbreak at some point. Back when Q talked to him at the café and opened up about his own trouble that Q has caused, he thought Toey has never experienced something bad in his life.
Toey always is so optimistic and when he talked about his happy memories tied to that place, Q felt envious.
But now when he thinks about it, what Toey was saying must have come from experience.
All the things he pointed out in Q’s past behaviour and how he thought about it. It now seemed that Toey has actually went through enough heartbreak to be right about the pain and the irrational behaviour that Q has put on in the past.
And this makes Q sad. Sad to know that Toey experienced something bad, and maybe even as bad as what Q went through or caused.
Maybe it has even traumatised Toey so much that he, just like Q, has problems now with commitment and relationships in general.
Or maybe this is also why Toey seems to be somewhat clueless to all the nice things and advances Chain is making.
Q looks at himself one last time in the mirror and then walks out the restroom with the plan to find Toey.