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Pulling her knees to her chest, Seele grit her teeth against the biting chill of the Overworld’s snow plains and idly watched as the campfire’s flames flickered. It was tough enough having to fend off the fragmentum monsters while her blood turned to ice, but now she had to endure the pitying looks from the Silvermanes in her company. Even Captain Gepard spared some mission time to cast an amused glance or two her way.
They had set up a temporary encampment to tend to the soldiers who weren’t lucky enough to make it out of their previous skirmish unscathed. There were no casualties—thank Qlipoth—though the coppery scent of blood still hung in the air like a mist. It stuck to the garb of those who had been in and out of the tents that shielded the sickbeds from the elements.
Seele absentmindedly wiped a hand on her shorts, the garment collecting more red.
Butterflies flickered in and out of existence around her as she willed the air to subtly vibrate in an attempt to generate as much heat as possible. The ethereal creatures swirled about, and she knew that if she put more power into it, they would become a cloud of indigo, violet, maroon, and even ruby red that consumed her until she found herself somewhere entirely different. She reached out a finger for them to perch on, and within moments a butterfly of a startlingly brilliant hue of crystal blue settled on her bloodstained skin. She brought it closer to her face to study it, offering the gentle critter a soft smile.
She could’ve sworn it smiled back.
It took a moment for her to realize that this wasn’t one of her butterflies. Its wings, black ribbed and spattered with white flecks, fluttered under her gaze as it shuffled along her skin. Its idle flutter turned to flight as a soft thud accompanied by metallic clinking sounded beside her.
Seele glared sidelong at the head of blonde hair now seated beside her, opening her palm as a sign of reassurance to the startled insect. After a brief moment, it landed in her hand, the dazzling wings coming to a stop.
“Sorry,” the Silvermane Captain rumbled softly, as if he was afraid of spooking the butterfly again, “I didn’t realize you had caught a Crystal Nebo.”
She let a soft sigh pass through her nose, “I didn’t catch it; it came to me.”
She paused, admiring the beauty of the scene before her. The nebo’s wings etched into her mind visions of a day sky filled with stars, fluttering tranquilly against the backdrop of her hand caked in blood. The crackling fire danced behind the graceful insect, as though a blinding sun amidst the stars it crafted. The novelties of such a sight wrapped around her, and she couldn’t help but compare.
Couldn’t help but think how different it was to the sight of the dull glow of the failing geomarrow heater she had fought tooth and nail to sleep beside all those nights ago. All those years ago. It somehow made her feel warm and cold at the same time. Nostalgic yet somber.
The butterfly flitted away once more, disappearing into the shine of the noontime sun rather than hovering with its conjured kin. Seele watched it go, offering a silent farewell to the critter.
She scooched closer to Gepard, savoring the warmth as she pressed her shoulder into his. “What’s so special about that butterfly?”
Firelight danced in his eyes as his often solemn and dutiful expression melted into one of soft reminiscence, a smile gently tugging at the corners of his mouth. “To be honest, I’m not exactly sure, but I know Lynx likes to talk about them a lot. She says they’re quite rare, and one of the more beautiful creatures she sees on her expeditions.”
Seele frowned, “I thought you didn’t approve of her trips out here.”
The captain let out a huff, “I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy that she’s found something she’s so passionate about.”
“Aw, ‘Little Geppie’ does have a heart—ow!”
He elbowed her in the ribs, grumbling, “Only Serval gets to call me that.”
“Alright, sheesh,” she said, rubbing sorely at her side. “I thought only Princess was like this, but I guess all you Overworlders are a little sensitive.”
Gepard cocked a brow, conspicuously glancing down at her bare legs, “Says the one shivering in the snow.”
It was her turn to elbow him, causing him to let out a soft bark of pain. She chuckled, “If only someone had warned me, then I would have gotten appropriate clothing in time.”
“ I warned you. Multiple times—not that you should have needed it. These are called the snow plains for a reason, after all.”
She rolled her eyes.
“If I recall correctly, Bronya warned you too. She even offered you a Silvermane uniform.”
Seele sulked at the memory. She pulled her legs closer to her chest, burying her face in her knees. “So? Why should she get a say in my attire?”
Gepard shrugged, the portrait of disinterested professionalism. “She offered you a perfectly good alternative.”
It wasn’t a question, but he didn’t have to phrase it as one. She knew what he was asking.
“Just not my style,” she deflected.
He merely let out a dissatisfied huff and dropped the conversation. For a brief moment, the only sounds between them was the crackling of the fire and the hushed conversations of the various Silvermanes who gathered around for warmth.
Gepard was the first to break the silence with a tentative, “Thanks for your help earlier, by the way.”
She scoffed, “I signed up for this job. Just because things get a little tough, it doesn’t mean I’m gonna bail on you.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t mean in the battle. Though, your assistance there was greatly appreciated as well.”
She glanced sidelong at him, taking in the set jaw and the firelight flickering across his face. He jutted his chin toward the medical tent, where the wounded Silvermanes rested. “I’ve got some good men in there. It would’ve been a terrible shame if I’d have had to tell their families that they wouldn’t ever be coming home. So thank you.”
“My earlier answer still stands. Besides, all I did was carry some stuff. Anyone could have done that.”
He gave her a close-lipped smile, “Still, you did more than what you signed up for. That’s praiseworthy, if nothing else.”
She snorted, “I don’t know about you Overworlders, but in the Underworld, being short staffed is a consistent problem. I learned how to pitch in and do my share during my stay at Natasha’s clinic.”
Seele could’ve sworn that the comment doused the conversations around the campfire, turning them into hushed whispers. The popping of the firewood was ever so slightly louder in the now expectant camp atmosphere, as if the camp was listening in on them. Damn busybodies.
“Inspiring.” Gepard said, “Would you mind telling me something else about Underworlders?”
“What?” she bristled.
He turned to her, pinning her with his gaze “How long will you hate us for Cocolia’s actions?”
“How long will you continue to shun your personal responsibility by pinning all the blame on a tyrant?” Seele retorted, but there was no bite to her words.
Nevertheless, Gepard started. “We’ve—”
“I know,” she sighed.
He paused, his jaw snapping shut.
“I know you’re taking responsibility and trying to make reparations. I’ve seen it. Hell, I’m part of this mission right now, aren't I?”
He fell silent, his shoulders sagging.
“It’s just…” she trailed off, trying to find the words. Words that would satisfy not only Gepard and the expectant Silvermanes in the camp who had now abandoned all pretense and were openly eavesdropping, but also herself. “Throughout most of my life, the Silvermane guards were the enemy. They were the face that I could put to all the suffering and hardship I endured.”
She idly traced a line in the snow, “And while I can look each of you in the eye and willingly lay down my life for you, it’s still difficult to…adjust. On an ideological level.” Her finger made a series of loops, creating a spiral in the snow. She absentmindedly wondered if it would still be here the next day, or if it would be covered up by a fresh layer. Even so, she continued tracing her line in the snow.
“So forgive me if I’d rather ‘shiver in the snow’ than wear your uniform, or get a bit defensive at times. I’m working on it.”
Gepard nodded slowly, “Bronya did mention something about that, actually.”
Seele looked up skeptically, “Really?”
“Yeah,” he said, looking thoughtfully into the distance. “She said you were doing something along the lines of exposure therapy.”
She angled her head, searching her memories.
Exposure therapy? I don’t remember Bronya saying anything about that… Wait. Surely he doesn’t mean—
“I imagine it’s where you get exposed.”
Seele choked, eliciting chuckles from the Silvermanes gathered around the fire.
“To the source of the trauma, I mean.” Gepard smirked, “So that you can become more adjusted.”
Her face burned, but she swallowed her embarrassment and grinned at the captain. “Yeah, she actually told me that she was inspired by your process with Sampo.”
Gepard turned a mortified shade of scarlet and all the chuckles were replaced with shocked silence. One of the Silvermanes even dropped the food they’d been eating.
“You—” Gepard tried to elbow her again, but she was quicker. Butterflies enveloped her, and suddenly she was standing above Gepard, who’d fallen onto his side. She looked up at the sun, which had now passed its peak in the sky.
“Well, I think that’s enough chit-chat for now,” she said with no small amount of smugness. “If we want to get back to Belobog before nightfall, we should get going.”
The scandalized expression vanished from the captain’s face, but his cheeks were still a delightful shade of pink. Clearing his throat, he stood up and addressed the campsite. “She’s right. Everyone, pack up camp and get in formation—Injured in the middle. I don’t want any surprises, understood?”
A collective, “Yes sir!” erupted from the camp and everyone scattered into action, though the swift obedience was undercut by the giggles rising from the Silvermanes as they worked.
Seele grinned as she felt a fist bump against her shoulder.
“I’m going to get you back for that, Babochka,” he paused. “Thanks.”
She chuckled as she allowed a swarm of butterflies to whisk her away.