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“Jaejoong-hyung, what are you still doing here?” a fuzzy head pops into the practice room flashing a snaggle-toothed grin at the gracelessly dancing figure.
“Yunho-yah! You surprised me!” he pouts in response to the amused chuckle.
“Mianhe, but what are you still doing here by yourself? Everyone else is heading out to eat.”
“I’m just practicing the new steps. You know I can’t dance that well, so I have to practice more than the rest of you.” He tries to find a dry spot on his shirt to wipe his sweat away.
Yunho tosses him a towel. “How about you take a break and help me with something?”
“What do you need help with?” he wipes his sweat with Yunho’s towel and snags a bottle of water.
“I’ve been having problems with the song songsaenim assigned to me. No matter how many times I sing it, songsaenim says I don’t get the feelings right.”
“Well, why don’t you sing it first and then maybe I can help you.” Yunho blushes from embarrassment, but does as instructed. Jaejoong closes his eyes can lets the baritone serenade him. Yunho ends his song and looks at his hyung expectantly.
“Yunho-yah, have you ever been in love?”
“Huh?” a puzzled Yunho cocks his head to the side.
“Well, have you ever been in love before?” Jaejoong finally opens his eyes and smiles at the cute display.
“W-what does that have to do with anything?” a blushing Yunho stutters.
“You haven’t right? You’ve never had a girlfriend.” The way Jaejoong says it as a statement rather than a question makes the other even more embarrassed of his inexperience.
“Jaejoong-hyung~ why are you asking all of this?”
“Well, I think that’s where the problem is. This song is about the contented love between lovers. The kind of love that makes people think of always and forever and happily ever after. It’s a bit difficult to sing about it if you’ve never experienced it before.”
“Oh…you sound like you know all about that.” A bit of melancholy makes its way into Yunho’s voice.
“Eh…not really.” A sheepish grin, “I just have a girlfriend, so I think that’s why I can understand the song.”
“But how am I supposed to make my singing better if I don’t get it?” Yunho pouts a bit, thinking it’s a hopeless cause.
“Well, do you have someone you like? Someone from school, maybe?”
“Yes,” Yunho admits in a small voice. “But they don’t know anything about it!” he quickly tacks on at the end.
“There’s no need to be shy. Feel free to ask hyung for tips on getting her,” Jaejoong teases.
“Hyung~” an exasperated Yunho whines.
“Okay, okay. Well, how do you feel when you are talking to her or when you make her laugh?” Yunho closes his eyes and recalls all the times he’s made the other laugh. A smile makes its way across his face. “Warm and tingling right? Like nothing bad could possibly be going on in the world at that moment.” Yunho nods and opens his eyes.
“Try singing the song again.”
“But you haven’t taught me anything yet!”
“Just try again. Think of her laugh and sing.”
Yunho looks doubtful, but obediently closes his eyes and thinks of that melodious laughter. He sings. Jaejoong closes his eyes and smiles at the happiness that emanates from Yunho’s voice.
“Yunho-yah! I barely see you nowadays. What are you so busy with all the time?”
“Ah, hyung. Well…I just…you see…” Yunho breaks off, unable to look Jaejoong in the eyes.
“Oh…did you finally get the girl?” Jaejoong asks excitedly. He might be a guy, but he’s not above getting the latest scoop of his friends’ love lives.
“Eh?” Yunho’s truly puzzled at that conclusion. What girl?
“You know, the one you were talking about last time. You should introduce us sometime and—”
“No!” a startled glance “I mean…uh…she’s…a bit shy?” Yunho tries to think of an excuse to ward off Jaejoong meeting his nonexistent girlfriend.
“Are you ashamed of your hyung?” Yunho vehemently shakes his head. “Then why not?” Jaejoong pouts to add effect to his request.
Yunho’s never developed immunity to that particular look, so he lets out a sigh of defeat. “I’ll ask her, but no promises!” He wonders how he’s going to get himself out of this mess.
Jaejoong grins, “It’s a double-date then~” and runs off before Yunho can protest.
Yunho wonders where he’s going to find a girl to introduce to Jaejoong and feels a headache develop.
“Yunho-oppa, I think we need to have a talk.”
Yunho winces, knowing any conversation starting with that sentence never ends well. “Ok, what do we need to talk about?”
The girl shifts the purse off her shoulder and onto the seat next to her. “I know what you’re doing and why, but it’s not fair to me.”
“W-What are you talking about?” Yunho prepares himself for the inevitable breakup that’s heading his way.
“I know you didn’t ask me to go out with you because you truly liked me.” She raises her hand to stop Yunho’s protest. “I know you like me as a friend, but you don’t like me that way. I thought I was going to be ok with it, as long as I worked hard enough, maybe you’d like me back. But it seems that I’ve overestimated my abilities when I finally met him.
“Yunho-yah, I know you like him in the way I would like you to like me. And I know that I can’t compete with that. Going out with me while you like him isn’t fair to me or you, I think we should—”
“I don’t want to break up.” Yunho cuts her off before she can say those words. “I know it’s selfish for me to ask, but can you give me another chance? I-I know I shouldn’t have involved you, and for that I ask you to forgive me, but I’m really trying to be a good boyfriend.”
“I know, but these things can’t be forced. As much as I’d like to believe you, I don’t think I’m the one you’d choose in the end.” A tear falls, “I don’t regret being your girlfriend, you were the best boyfriend I could have asked for, but your heart never belonged to me.” She gets up to leave before she loses herself to tears.
Yunho grabs her by the arm and spins her around to face him, except he miscalculates his strength and her lips land on his. Two pairs of eyes widen in shock. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“I know,” she smiles sadly and wipes a stray tear away. “That was the problem.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted this to work. I tried so hard to—” Yunho’s distraught apology is cut short with a kiss on the cheek.
“It’s all right, oppa. We will always be friends, but this,” she gestures between the two of them, “will never work out. You already know that.”
Yunho closes his eyes and hugs his friend close to him, regretting hurting someone with his foolish denials. “Chingu-yah, mianhe, chongmal mianhe.”
She pushes out of his embrace and smiles a small smile. “I’ll forgive you on one condition.” Yunho nods, “Stop running from it. I want to see the honest Yunho that I’ve always admired. What you will face will be more difficult than I can imagine, but I believe you have the strength to overcome it.”
Yunho plants a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you for everything. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep all of my promises to you.” He lets her go with a smile. “But I will earn your forgiveness.”
“You better!” With genuine smiles, the two part stronger than before.
“Jaejoong-ah! Put that bottle down! We still have practice tomorrow morning, how are you supposed to get up for that if you get this drunk!”
Jaejoong continues pouring the contents of the bottle into his stomach, without a care for his physical well being. “He’s right Jaejoong-ah. You’ve been drinking for too long, at least take a break and eat something before you get alcohol poisoning.”
“Yunho, Kangin just leave him be. Let him drown his miseries tonight.”
“Yeah, let go you bastards. Just let me forget.” Kangin stubbornly tries to pry the bottle out of Jaejoong’s grasp while Yunho holds his friend with a worried expression on his face.
“Heechul-hyung, what happened? Why is he drinking like this?”
“Well, you see—”
“It’s over! All over! She doesn’t want me anymore. The hell with ‘I’ll love you forever’! It’s all shit!” Jaejoong yells as he flails his arms around.
“Yeah, so Jae’s girlfriend broke up with him today. He’s been in a bad mood ever since.” Heechul watches as Kangin tries to get Jaejoong to stop hitting things.
“Oh, but why? I thought they were doing well together.” Yunho’s in disbelief since Jaejoong seemed so happy finally getting a day off to go on a date.
“Apparently she felt lonely all the time, since Jaejoong is usually working or practicing. She couldn’t take the loneliness anymore, so she wanted to break it off. Personally, I think she’s found someone else that takes away her loneliness.” Heechul looks on with pain in his eyes. “Just let him let it all out tonight.”
Yunho feels helpless standing by and watching his best friend cry and yell. “Heechul-hyung, Kangin hyung, let’s get him home first. You guys can go back home afterwards since we all have to get up early tomorrow. I’ll watch over him tonight.”
Among the three of them, they haul the drunken heartbroken man to his tiny apartment. “Are you sure you don’t want us to stay with you?”
Yunho nods, “You both wouldn’t have anywhere to sleep anyway. Go home; I’ll call you if anything happens.”
“I’ll tell the instructor that Jaejoong got the flu tomorrow and you are taking care of him. Don’t bothering waking him up early tomorrow; he needs all the rest he can get.” With a final worried glance at Jaejoong, Kangin and Heechul leave Yunho to care for Jaejoong.
Yunho lets out a sigh and follows the sounds of retching to the bathroom. “Jaejoong-ah, don’t be like this. She isn’t worth you doing this to yourself.”
Jaejoong’s teary glance up from the toilet breaks Yunho’s heart. “Sorry Yunho-yah. You can go home now. I can take care of myself.”
Yunho rubs Jaejoong’s back soothingly. “Don’t worry about it. That’s what friends are for. I’ll be here all night, so you might as well tell me everything you’re trying to hide.”
Jaejoong lets out a bitter smile. “Let me brush my teeth first? Things definitely taste better going down than coming back up.”
“Of course.” Yunho stands in the doorway watching his best friend try to gather himself together after his body has purged most of the alcohol in his stomach. He leaves to the kitchen to make some tea to settle Jaejoong’s stomach after making sure Jaejoong is steady enough on his own.
Jaejoong enters the living room looking more sober, but still very pale with bloodshot eyes. Yunho wordlessly hands over the warm mug and settles Jaejoong on his futon near the miniscule coffee table. They sit in silence for a few minutes, one not knowing what to do and the other not knowing how to start.
“Yunho-yah…am I a bad person? To cause someone I love so much pain and not know about it at all?” Jaejoong continues before Yunho can utter empty reassurances. “I’m such a fool. I thought we would last forever, I mean she was so perfect. She supported me the whole time. And I…I failed to see she was lonely and unhappy. I’m so useless.”
“Jaejoong! You are not useless! You can’t help that you are busy all the time trying to make your dreams come true. If she couldn’t understand that, then she’s not worth your love.”
“That’s just it, Yunho. She understood just fine, but she still felt lonely at the end of the day. I can’t blame her for feeling lonely; I’m not there to take her out on dates, I fall asleep on the phone with her sometimes, I can’t even buy her things to remember me by,” a tear trails down his cheek. “She’s too good for me. I wouldn’t want someone who can’t spend time with me either.”
Yunho wipes Jaejoong’s tears away, “She’s not too good for you. Stop saying that! You were trying the hardest you could to spend time with her. Every minute you weren’t practicing or working you spent with her. If she can’t appreciate the efforts you made to make the relationship work, maybe she’s the one that’s not worthy of you.” Yunho’s breath catches when Jaejoong turns to look him in the eye.
“Do you really think I tried that hard?”
“I know you did. You loved her; you put everything you could into seeing her on our days off. You might not have been able to be a conventional boyfriend, but you tried your hardest. If she can’t accept that, then she’s the one missing out.”
Jaejoong chuckles humorlessly, “You know the ironic part? I finally saved enough today to take her out on a date, I even bought couple rings.” He takes out a small box from his pocket and opens it to show Yunho. The design was simple, the silver weaving with the gun metal to form an infinity band. “Who knew my forever would end before it even started?”
“It’s not the end. You just have to find the right person.” Yunho closes the box and hands it back to Jaejoong. “When you find that person, forever will come easily.”
“Forever’s a lie.” Bitterness seeps into that simple statement. “Everyone knows nothing lasts forever, but we keep thinking that love can last forever. There’s no such thing.”
“Forever’s not a lie. It’s true that material things don’t last forever, but I believe love can be forever.”
“I forget, I’m talking to a Christian. All of you get forever in heaven with the loves of your life and all that jazz.” Jaejoong waves his hand.
Yunho shakes his head again, “Forever is a sentiment. You can live forever in a single second, one moment in time. It may not be forever in the eternity sense, but forever does exist. You just have to believe in it.”
Jaejoong stays silent, not knowing how to respond to Yunho’s claims. “If that’s the case, you’ll be my best friend forever, right?”
“You don’t even need to ask. Of course we’ll be best friends forever. Now share that blanket with your best friend before he freezes his ass off.”
Jaejoong lets out a genuine laugh and scoots closer to Yunho. He still hurts, but at least he still has Yunho to share forever with. He opens the box again taking out one of the rings to examine. Before he can think too much about it, he slips the ring onto Yunho’s pinky finger.
“What do you mean we’re going to be put in different groups?!” four voices exclaim.
“Just that. Four Seasons is going to be split up and placed into different groups for debut.”
“But why?” Kangin asks heatedly.
“You’re all talented in your own way, but as a group the balance is off.” The manager answers calmly. “There’s nothing you can do about it. All of you knew that nothing is permanent until you officially debut, and even then there’s always the possibility of change.”
“We understand.” Heechul says to everyone’s surprise. “Is there anything else you needed to tell us?”
“That was all. You can all head back to practice now.”
Everyone is still frozen on the spot until Heechul drags all of them out of the room.
“Heechul-hyung, why did you say that? We shouldn’t have agreed. Maybe we can still talk to management…” Yunho trails off, unsure of their persuasion skills.
“Yeah, we should have fought the decision more!” Kangin joins in.
“But they are right. The balance is way off, right Jaejoong?”
“Huh?” Jaejoong looks up in surprise. “I don’t understand. How is the balance off? Can’t we work to even out the balance then?”
“Nope. It’s nothing that can be helped.” Heechul says simply.
“What do you know that you’re not telling us?” Kangin looks at Heechul threateningly, hands curling into fists at his side.
“Obviously, me and Jaejoong’s beauty overpowers Yunho and your muscles. It wouldn’t be fair for everyone else for me and Jaejoong to be in the same group. No one else would ever be noticed.” Heechul sighs dramatically. “Oh what a curse it is to be beautiful. We have to be separated from each other just so other trainees have a fighting chance.” He hugs Jaejoong tightly, as if he were reluctant to part with him, which was more than partly true.
“You-you freaking narcissist!” Kangin explodes and points his finger menacingly.
Yunho and Jaejoong laugh at their hyung-deul’s silliness. They would miss these moments with the fiercely protective Kangin and bitingly witty Heechul. “We should go out and have a meal together before they place us in new groups.” Jaejoong nods in agreement.
Heechul and Kangin nod in agreement before deciding on a cheap take-out place. Jaejoong grabs the two of them before they can leave the room. “No matter what happens, you two will always be the best hyung-deul to me.”
The four gather in a group hug before Heechul complains about Kangin messing up his hair. “Jaejoong-ah, I thought you didn’t believe in forever anymore.”
“I don’t, but I’d like to. Besides, I didn’t say anything about forever.”
“But you just told us we’d always be the best hyung-deul ever.”
“No, I said you would always be the best hyung-deul. Always, as in each and every instance you show your brotherly side. The rest of the time…well, that’s better left unsaid.” Jaejoong’s lips twist in a playful grin before he’s chased out of the room by the older two boys.
“Jaejoong-ah, why do you always make us worry so much?” Yunho whispers to the unconscious figure lying on the hospital bed as he twists the ring on his finger. He looks over at his brothers pacing the corridor and making phone calls.
Yoochun’s tears have since dried and he looks up at Junsu as he finishes a phone call to his twin. The two huddle close together to comfort each other. Changmin hasn’t stopped pacing since he arrived at the hospital, worrying about his hyung and neglecting his stomach. Yunho knows he should fulfill his duties as leader, but he can’t seem to leave Jaejoong’s bedside.
A fluttering of lashes and a twitch of the hand informs Yunho of Jaejoong’s return to consciousness. Seeing Yunho’s face, Jaejoong tries to smile despite the pain in his leg. Feeling reassured from the weak smile, Yunho plants a quick kiss on Jaejoong’s cheek before calling the others in.
“Jaejoong-hyung~!” The three chorus before surrounding him and fussing over his pillows and blankets.
“I’m sorry for troubling you guys.” Jaejoong lowers his head in apology. Silence follows, no one knows how to respond to the unnecessary apology.
“Hyung, what are you apologizing for? It’s not like you injured yourself on purpose.” Yoochun is the first to recover.
“But I’m just holding the group back now. We need to start promotions soon and—”
“And nothing. You aren’t holding the group back. The fact that you’re even injured means we’ve been pushing too hard.” Yunho cuts him off before he can continue blaming himself.
“Yeah, Jae-hyung. You should focus on recovering, and you’ll be back on your feet in no time.” Changmin tries to comfort his hyung. “And you need to recover soon, because no one else cooks as well as you do.”
“But I’ll in the cast for months. I’m completely useless now.”
“You are not useless!” Junsu bursts out this time. “You just can’t dance for the time being, you will still be able to sing with us on stage. You are still an important part of this group!”
“I should have chosen the other option. I would be able to sing and dance with the rest of you by then. It’s not certain that I wouldn’t recover completely from this. I should have—”
“NO! I can’t believe you’re spewing this shit!” Yunho roars at Jaejoong, stunning the others into silence. “You are not useless. You are not holding back the group. And I’m sure the others agree with me when I say your health is and will always be more important than your work!”
“Yu-Yunho, that’s—”
“Shut up if you’re just going to continue saying nonsense. I can’t believe you. Why can’t you see how important you are?” Yunho storms out of the room before he can reveal anymore of himself to the rest of the world. Junsu shoots the others a look before chasing after their leader.
“Jae-hyung, Yunho-hyung’s right. You shouldn’t worry about the group and focus your energy on getting well. We’ll be fine.” Yoochun lifts his lips in a smile, as the Changmin nods his head in agreement.
“Yunho…” Jaejoong breaks off, not knowing what he’s trying to ask.
“You know he’s a bit hot tempered. He’s just worried about you. Don’t take it to heart. We should go and let you get some rest now. We’ll come visit again tomorrow.” Changmin fluffs Jaejoong’s pillow one more time before following the others out of the room and leaving Jaejoong to think.
A door slams open to an empty apartment. “Why the fuck do you never think before you act?! Do you know how dangerous that was?”
“I didn’t even have that much! I even waited an hour before driving!”
“Well obviously you were still driving like shit to be pulled over.”
“Keep your voice down! Do you want to wake the whole building?”
“Now you want to think about others, huh? Well why didn’t you do that before? Why couldn’t you have called me before deciding to drive after drinking? Do you have any regard for other people at all?”
“How dare you ask me that?! Of course I do!”
“Then why the fuck would you do that?!”
“I was trying to get home without disturbing you guys! We finally got a day off; I didn’t want to disrupt whatever fun you guys were having to pick me up. I don’t need to bother you—” Jaejoong’s shouting tapers down in volume.
“You are not a bother! When are you going to finally learn that? Why don’t you ever listen to me when I say you’re important to me? You can depend on me. Why don’t you believe me?” The last part is so soft Jaejoong barely catches it.
For the first time that night, Jaejoong takes a good look at Yunho. His hair is sticking up in all directions like he just rolled out of bed. He’s wearing a jacket thrown on hastily over his pajamas. His hands are trembling from anger or worry, Jaejoong doesn’t know. He finally realizes Yunho was the one yelling at him, not leader-sshi.
“Yunho-yah, mianhe.” Jaejoong sinks down onto the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees. “Mianhe, I won’t do it again, mianhe.”
Yunho lets out a sigh and sits next to the crying figure. “Just don’t scare me like that. I almost died when I got that phone call. I thought something worse happened.”
“Mianhe, Yunho-yah. Forgive me; I don’t do it on purpose. I won’t do it again.”
“On one condition.” Yunho pats Jaejoong’s head, moving it onto his shoulder. Jaejoong nods.
“You will trust me enough to depend on me.”
“I already do!”
“No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t hesitate to call me; no matter what time of day, no matter how trivial the problem.”
“But—”
“Do you remember the day we promised to be best friends forever?” Jaejoong nods again. “I take that back.”
Jaejoong’s head snaps up, “Y-you can’t!”
“I want us to be best friends always and forever. Each and every instance for all of eternity.” Yunho looks in Jaejoong’s eyes. “Can you promise me that?”
“On one condition,” Yunho cocks his head in question, “You promise me the same.”
Yunho’s answer is a fleeting kiss at the corner of Jaejoong’s mouth.
“Thank you, Yunho-yah.”
An eyebrow rises, “For what?”
“For showing me more than always. For making me believe in forever. For chasing me when I was running away. For—” the rest of the sentence is exhaled into Yunho’s soul.